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Mirror of /r/asexuality, /r/asexual, /r/aaaaaaacccccccce and /r/aromanticism. Run by @reddit2telegram. @r_channels
Are people forgetting that the fundamentals of being asexual is not experiencing sexual attraction?
\ Or experiencing some extent of it to some degree, according to some conditions but literally not like allosexuals experience sexual attraction??? (Spectrum)
Cause I've been seeing a lot of "she never had sex, she must be asexual!" "You're a sexual being, doesn't make you asexual." bs that I've been trying to ignore but it's starting to tick me off. We just got out of the asexual awareness week!!! And people are still this ignorant???🤦🏾♂️ However you view sex, as a concept or an act, if you ever even experienced it, what you think of it or what you choose to do of its existence, is not what makes you asexual. It's the non sexual attraction to people that makes it asexuality. Point period. (Including *)
(And explaining sexual attraction might be the worst for someone who's never even experienced it so i might not be able to give an answer if anyone is questioning.)
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I FIND SEX ABHORRENT
https://redd.it/1xrgxpd
@asexualityonreddit
Ace people deserve monogamy and loyalty without "compromise"
I am talking about specificly Sex repulsed people. Because thats is my situation. I literally cant find a partner because I am ace. I hate it. And so many people just take asexuality as "Oh a person may not directly be into, but can be pressured or convinced into having Sex!" And its horrible. Yes I know some ace people like Sex, but why is that the assumption for the label that most of the time stands for people not feeling or wanting Sex. I just want a partner who will actually like me. And not assume I will change.
There is no compromise in a sexual/asexual relationship either. If one person wants to, and the other person doesnt. Thats r*pe. No matter how many people tell ace people that they should just do it with their partner, or just let them sleep with others then. Ace people deserve monogamy and loyalty too, if that is what they want. No hate on Poly people here! I love you guys. I am just monogamous and am sick of others saying i should be poly if I dont want Sex.
Yeah, I am just kinda sick of the world telling me I dont deserve to actually love and exist as myself.
https://redd.it/1xqk2cg
@asexualityonreddit
Got a little cake today
https://redd.it/1xrddod
@asexualityonreddit
People don't take asexuality seriously!
I'm aro/ace which by definition means I don't want to engage in any sexual activity, and the normal follow up question that people ask me is: 1. Do you touch yourself? Yes my genitals work duh! 2. What do you think of while touching yourself? Genuine answer, nothing.
People usually don't believe in it at all though, they think I'm being prudish or it's just a phase. It's not. As a woman, guys after hearing my explanation of my sexuality say, "maybe you've just not found the right guy" or "I can change that" no you can't steve, i promise. Telling girls about this, they think I'm just trying to be "holier than thou"
Anyways it's quite a hassle to explain my experience to people, and even more of a hassle to deal with their disbelief.
https://redd.it/1xr7nhy
@asexualityonreddit
we could really use more quality aro/ace rep🖤🩶🤍💜
https://redd.it/1xr7qf1
@asexualityonreddit
Made this based on a recent experience
https://redd.it/1xr5kyf
@asexualityonreddit
My friend crocheted me a hat with yarn the colors of the ace flag
https://redd.it/1xqkm30
@asexualityonreddit
Always a pleasant surprise stumbling across representation
https://redd.it/1xq8xub
@asexualityonreddit
I’m allo, ask me the questions you’re too afraid to ask
I’ve spent a ridiculous amount of time deconstructing and deciphering not only my own attraction but attraction in general, I’m also experienced in the area. I want to be able to answer that thing you’ve always wondered or never understood. So ask me anything.
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@asexualityonreddit
Someone asked me “ what do you think about when you masturbate ?”
And it made me genuinely curious, what do yall think about?
Personally, I never really realized that people think about sexual matters when they do it, I mean I know that but somehow I hadn’t given it much thought
I don’t know how to explain it lol..
For me I just do it for the feeling, I don’t think about anything sexual, nor do I think about specific people.
I just be thinking about ordinary stuff- everyday things like “ what Im gonna do today, what I’ll have for dinner, I’m gonna buy this shirt, should I draw later, i’m gonna play a game after this ….” things like that!
They found that really weird , and now I’m wondering what about all of you?
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@asexualityonreddit
Does anyone feel like its possible for asexual men and women to be against each other?
We usually think of asexuals having things in common but I can easily imagine some gaps in understanding:
\-asexual women constantly having to deal with unwanted advances from a portion of aggressive allo men but asexual men dont face that from allo women as much. So asexual men never understand what its like to be harassed as a woman
\-asexual men not seeing a portion of allo men are hated by asexual women bc they dont feel how baf they are, and them trying to keep the peace, saying stuff like accept everyone, they were accepted 4 being asexual theyre gonna be open minded to everyone else and not blanket hate themnetc, or encouraging asexual women to socialize more with men whom asexual women see as abusers?
\-asexual women unable to tell asexual men that these allo men who harass them are bad, end of story?
Im sure theres more but this particular issue is all I can think about rn. Happened to be loads of times, honestly makes me super angry as an asexual women. Its one of the gaps in understanding in the aroace community I hate the most
https://redd.it/1xq2cu0
@asexualityonreddit
Vent/Discussion ish? I really don't like it when people sexualize asexual characters, specifically if they are averse/repulsed. (TLDR at the end)
I'm sure there are probably many people that don't agree with me here, but hear me out for a second.
As a sex-repulsed asexual, I get really sad when people sexualize ace characters that are averse or repulsed. If they are favorable or indifferent, I think it's perfectly fine (as long as they aren't using favorable/indifferent as an excuse or a loophole) and can be a cool way to write an ace character and show the diversity of the ace spectrum! But if this character is confirmed, or is shown to be or strongly implied to be averse/repulsed, I really don't understand why someone would want to sexualize them. There are tons of non averse/repulsed characters, why sexualize a repulsed or averse character out of all of them?
I know people say that it's just fiction, and that people are allowed to have headcanons and everything. But consider doing this with any other aspect of identity. If someone makes a POC character white, that would be whitewashing, and if someone makes a lesbian or gay character bisexual just to ship them with the opposite gender, that would be queer erasure. If someone were to make a neurodivergent character neurotypical as a headcanon, that would be erasure too. If people find these examples controversial, why not for asexuality? Like asexuality, neurodiversity can vary from person to person, and everyone's experience is going to be different in some way, but it isn't right to only acknowledge only one part of that experience. You could change a character's entire personality, morality, and life and call it a headcanon. Would they still be the same character though, if you take away a fundamental part of them?
This part may be controversial, but "It's just a headcanon/fiction" feels like a bad excuse to me. Because it often feels to me what they are telling me is that if they could, they would do the same for real life people who are repulsed or averse. By sexualizing what little representation I have, they are essentially telling me that repulsion doesn't matter, that this fundamental part of the asexual experience doesn't matter, and that they can change it whenever they want, no matter how disrespectful it might be to a very real community of people.
TL;DR: I don't like it when people sexualize sex-averse or repulsed asexual characters because it erases a fundamental part of the ace community and is disrespectful to real life sex-averse or repulsed people.
https://redd.it/1xpycz8
@asexualityonreddit
Wondering if friend is ace-phobic
So I made a friend via an online text-based chatting game about a month ago and we really seemed to connect. They're big on philosophy and generally go on long rambles about deep subjects, which rlly fascinated me. They also had a pretty persistent schedule, being online just about every day around the same time frame.
However, about 2 weeks ago we were having a convo, and from the get-go, they seemed a bit off. The topic of kids got brought up and I mentioned I never wanted to have any since I have no maternal instincts. They seemed really surprised about that, and went on a ramble about bloodlines and the importance of family, and at the end I mentioned that I was asexual as that being one of the main reasons I personally would never be a parent. There was a long awkward pause. And then they just completely ignored it and kept talking.
Since then, their schedule has been weird. They were offline for a few days and since then only seem to get online when I'm offline. Today I was online for a long while since I felt like chatting with random people, and they went online twice but only for a few seconds. It's getting difficult to feel like they aren't avoiding me.
So now I'm wondering if they're ace-phobic, or anti-lgbt. Idk.
https://redd.it/1xpze4d
@asexualityonreddit
Question about QPRs
Hello everyone!! I am out as aroace in college, and I'm wondering about how QPRs work. I want to know what they can look like and how to go about them. Basically like a crash course.
I'm not entirely sure if this is something I would be interested in, but I do believe I'm experiencing platonic attraction so I want to know more about this subject.
If anyone could share their experiences, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you so much
https://redd.it/1xpwok2
@asexualityonreddit
Being asexual and lonely
Watching p0rn because you crave physical contact and then feeling gross because associating sexual situations with yourself is repulsive
90% of the time I'm fine with being asexual and then I get this disgusting feeling where all I want is to be "normal" and lovable
https://redd.it/1xrh21e
@asexualityonreddit
FRIENDSHIP WINS! Let's share recent successes in our platonic relationships! 😊
In A-spec spaces we often talk about how important our friendships are and lament that society undervalues them for romantic and sexual relationships. I thought it would be nice to hear from some aces about about recent friendships wins and bonding moments with loved ones that made you happy.
I'll go first, a friendship one; I had a really nice "friend date" yesterday with someone. Fully platonic, we got to explore around town, go to shops and eat nice food. We are still getting to know each other but i appreciated that they were considerate about me the entire time.
A family one; i'm vegeterian, my family was just make some traditional food from my culture and they made sure to make a vegeterian version for me without me having to ask or help with the prep (i was feeling ill) I really appreciated that.
https://redd.it/1xrhyy9
@asexualityonreddit
So asexual people shouldn't be nice to anyone?
https://redd.it/1xr8bmt
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Asexuality and Binge Eating?
I had already come out to my therapist about my sexuality, and during this session we had been discussing my eating disorder (binging). After I had finished describing my most recent binge, and how I had felt afterwards, my therapist began telling me how binging might be a pseudo-sexual coping mechanism for my lack of sexual desire.
She started fixating on words like "stuffed" and "full"; at one point, she leaned back in her chair and began rubbing her stomach, saying things like "ohh, im so STUFFED."
The whole thing really disturbed me as I had never even thought about my ED this way, and I left our session feeling disgusted and disgusting.
Have any of you heard of a link between asexuality and disordered eating?
https://redd.it/1xr0wm1
@asexualityonreddit
What does asexuality look like for those of you who are NOT sex repulsed and NOT demisexual?
I’m sorry if this has been discussed to death over here. I searched up sex repulsed in the search bar but the first 30 posts were all by sex repulsed individuals themselves and how they don’t feel represented here
I’m fairly sex repulsed myself and those are the only kinds of ace people i know irl.
I suppose I understand Demi sexuality as well so that’s not really confusing to me.
But I was curious about what asexuality looks like for people who’re not demi but not sex repelled either.
Is it the presence of a libido? Is it enjoying sex as an activity with no attraction to your sex partner? And what does sex in relationships look like for you?
https://redd.it/1xqzvic
@asexualityonreddit
Asexuals rise up
https://redd.it/1xr6zul
@asexualityonreddit
Can people just leave asexuals alone
I saw a tweet saying that asexual relationships are just friendships.
Then i commented that under a asexual tt and so many people started to argue if it is or isn't.
First off all, why are people so obsessed with ace people. Like why do they care if you fuck or not.
And second of all is sex seriously the only reason people get into relationships??? Its one thing vs idk how many other things you do in relationships.
Kissing, cuddling, going on dates, living together, spending the rest of your life's together etc
Oh but if you dont fuck you're the weird one.
Istg i cant with these people anymore, they're so miserable.
https://redd.it/1xr46ib
@asexualityonreddit
...so I just figured out I'm demi
https://redd.it/1xqpf7n
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Yay or nay
https://redd.it/1xq8dv9
@asexualityonreddit
Exhausted of the dismissal of what asexuality is
I hate being one of those people who takes stuff to heart but it truly annoys me seeing people use asexual as an interchangeable term for celibacy because it feels so dismissive. Me personally, I identity under both. Biologically I lack the desire and drive, and it disgusts me. The attraction is there but it’s fleeting. Psychologically, i have the objective curiosity but never act on it because 1. I’d have a huge emotional fall out, 2. it helps me explore my best forms of intimacy, whether it be emotional or intellectual. But that’s not my main point. The thing is, the two don’t mean the same thing, and some non-ace people who use asexuality to describe them being celibate ultimately flatten the definition to asexuals just being people who are just holding back a desire that exists…which kind of negates the entire framework of the sexuality because there are some of us who are happily active, some who do it under certain circumstances, some of us who just fundamentally cannot do it, and more. I think it mostly bothers me because we face enough misconceptions. Like for people to just perceive it as a “lifestyle” despite how much some of us struggle to find partners, find safe spaces, and deal with being seen as dysfunctional human beings will never not feel some type of hurtful.
Edit: adding more context to my perspective
https://redd.it/1xq55se
@asexualityonreddit
Wabba labba dub dub
https://redd.it/1xq3y4d
@asexualityonreddit
Being asexual as a black woman
https://redd.it/1xq1zyq
@asexualityonreddit
Being an asexual romantic sucks 😭😭
I experience intense romantic attraction but I am sex-repulsed most of the time. I crave romance but know it comes with sex for most people.
https://redd.it/1xpyqty
@asexualityonreddit
Asexual or just anxious?
How do I (22, ftm) actually know for sure if I'm asexual or just anxious?
I like the idea of having sex, and Im very curious about what its like to. I've come to terms with most likely being aromantic and assumed allosexual because of my want for sex. I'm going to break down why I do/don't think I'm ace-
1) I have no want for a partner cuz I'm aro
2) Not intrested in finding an fwb because none of my current friends would want that with me and I dont have any want to go out of my way to find one
3) That being said if any of my friends were down I'd be 100% down, but I don't like fantasize about them cuz thats weird and feels like crossing boundaries. They never cross my mind for more than fleeting thoughts.
4) hookups sound terrifying in several ways, the sex itself sound like the only good part of the process
5) I can't imagine looking at someone and thinking 'Ah yes, I want that persons bits on mine'
6) I really can NOT imagine anyone looking at me sexually in any way, I'm just not hot enough for that
7) Thirst traps are always just cringe and I never understand the appeal
8) My only asexual fantasies come from me imagining myself as a character with whoever I ship them with, never my own self
9) Gender dysphoria for sure comes into play, worried of not being seen as a guy, or seen as a guy but not wanted that way because of being Trans.
10) I've been saying for years that bodies (especially female) are hotter clothed. Things like breasts just add to outfits, but are just... lumps of skin and tissue when out and really nothing. I've assumed this was just being gay, and it may be. Idk
I feel like I easily could be ace, but also like I have reasonable explanations outside of it for most so I really don't know
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@asexualityonreddit
right from the start. As for the other one, I talked to him consistently for almost two months. Time eventually made it painfully clear that he was (mistakenly) expecting me to go back on everything I'd said and jump straight into a relationship as soon as things seemed to be going well enough. He's now joined the long list of guys I've friendzoned who would rather disappear than stay in the friendzone, despite having repeatedly and emphatically promised me that I mattered to him as a person first and foremost, and that even if things didn't work out romantically, he'd be perfectly happy to remain friends.
As you can probably imagine, all these experiences have left me feeling incredibly objectified. They've also given me a pretty poor opinion of the male population roaming around these apps, and not a whole lot of hope that I'll find my soulmate on any of them.
So, does anyone else feel trapped in the same situation I am? Has anyone managed to get out of it? How did you do it? What do you think I should do? And perhaps most importantly, can you see anything in my approach, my outlook on relationships, or anything else that is genuinely problematic and might actually be the reason why I'm getting absolutely nowhere, but that I'm simply unable to recognize myself?
Also. If you think I'm completely wrong/being an asshole, please feel free to tell me. I'm here because I genuinely want to figure out how to solve this problem, not because I want to feel sorry for myself and have everyone tell me how terribly unlucky I am and how I deserve better.
I'd be incredibly grateful for any advice! :D
https://redd.it/1xpozke
@asexualityonreddit