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Mirror of /r/asexuality, /r/asexual, /r/aaaaaaacccccccce and /r/aromanticism. Run by @reddit2telegram. @r_channels
Happy to be asexual
idk if i put the right flair but thanks to everyone who helped me to know what asexuality actually is and I identify as asexual now, and actually I feel happy to be asexual, and just better in life too idk why and the community has been very welcoming and friendly, thank you all!would also like to know your experiences like do you find it a good or bad or neutral thing (doesn't have to be asexual, but that's what I am so I talked about it) sorry for probably being a little hard to understand
edit: thanks for the community
https://redd.it/1k7luaz
@asexualityonreddit
A cautionary tale: I know it's unpleasant, but just get your smears done!
Hi all, I just wanted to share my experience as a bit of a cautionary tale for those who are avoiding smears.
For context, I'm ace, 31F, and have just found out I'm HPV positive. I was vaccinated as a teenager, have only had 3 sexual partners, and can count on my fingers and toes the number of times I've had sex - total. This was mostly in my early 20s when I was still figuring out my sexuality, didn't know what being ace was, and just wanted to be "normal." I live in a country where they invite you to routine smears every few years, and always did them as an unpleasant box ticking exercise, thinking that with the vaccine and being ace, I was so, so low risk.
Low and behold, my most recent one just came back positive for HPV (but no abnormal cells). I was honestly flabbergasted. I haven't had sex in three years, always used protection, etc. It turns out that 1) that vaccine is only really effective against two strains of HPV, 2) HPV is actually fucking ubiquitous and literally everyone who is sexually active will have it in their lifetime, so your chances of catching it are pretty high as soon as you become sexually active, 3) using protection does virtually nothing against it, and 4) most importantly, it can lie dormant inside you for years.
So, if you're like me and an ace who explored sex at a younger age before discovering/understanding you were ace, don't think that because you've had clear smears in the past and have not had sex since, you're in the "clear". You're not. This shit can reawaken at random years later for no reason. So if you've had any sexual contact, at all, ever (doesn't even need to be PIV), get your smears done, and get tested. I know it's unpleasant, especially as ace people, but it can literally save your life.
I wish information on this was better. I had no idea about most of this up until a couple days ago, when I had my positive result. Now, I'm on the "lucky" end of the spectrum in the way that there were no abnormal cells on my smear, so presumably the virus hasn't done any "damage", and this situation just needs to be monitored. Which just means more uncomfortable exams, possibly a biopsy, etc. Which, as an ace person, I'm obviously overjoyed about. But still, idk, get your smears done, I guess!
https://redd.it/1k7kwjx
@asexualityonreddit
New to this
Hi everyone, I’m very new to all of these terms after taking some time to reflect and research about why I feel the way I do. I guess I don’t know how to feel. I’m 19, I’ve been confused why I wasn’t attracted to or had the same kind of thoughts as other people my age (since I was 14) but recently came across this community. What were some “signs” you noticed if that is what you would call it? Any support or advice would be appreciated during this confusing, eye-opening process.
https://redd.it/1k7i1c7
@asexualityonreddit
Feeling rejected from friends' sexual interest in me
Not toally sure what flair to use here.
I (23, enby) don't want this to come across as all like.... "woah is me my friends think I'm hot" but I want my friends to stop having crushes on me.
It's something that's happened a few times throughout my life. High school happened and there were a lot of feelings thrown my way I never understood and college happened and then this most recent situation takes the cake. A lot of my close friendships come to this result. I always think I'm just being nice and that I'm treating my friends well but it's often misconstrued - even when I'm explicit about my lack of attraction to most people (with men it's been talking about being a lesbian, with others it's been talking about how I don't get feelings for people very easily and don't have any crushes at the moment). I know I'm considered "conventionally attractive" for queer spaces but that really can not be the main thing if this keeps happening. It's like I give out signals I didn't know I could give out. I feel like maybe I'm just socially stupid in this regard - I'm autistic and only recently accepted that I fall somewhere on the ace/aro scale, so I don't always put together people's intentions.
Most recently a friend group formed and got demolished when I ended up with my partner - long story short we lost one friend all together in the flood and have been on shakey ground with the other 2 ever since. It seems like they were primarily interested in romantic and sexual relationships with me and not simple good friendship, which is all I wanted. They say it's fine and whatever, but there still seems to be a new coldness about those friendships. It additionally does not help that the two I am still friends with also have had some sort of feelings for my current partner. It has made me feel rejected in a way - like being in eachothers lives was not worth it to them unless they could get something else out of it. The discomfort has risen, because all three of them (before the one left all together) have asked about my partner and I's sex life very explicitly (for bonus context - both my partner and I are both on the ace scale. Information they all know.). Our friends have not asked my partner about our sex life, and have exclusively asked me. They almost seem annoyed when I express that there's nothing to share (comments like "honestly that's worse", general confusion despite getting more of a response than they're really entitled to, etc.). It makes me feel like they only were my friends to try to fuck me or something and as much as I know that's not entirely true, it still hurts and makes me uncomfortable. It's compounding in a big way for me now because it's happened before and as much as I want to give them space to handle their own feelings of rejection - it's been over a month now since we've talked about it, as well as 4 months with my partner, and those friendships haven't really healed all the way, and certainly not as much as I would have thought they would have by now.
This has been the 6th and 7th time this has happened to me in the past 4 years or so. Is this normal? Is this what friendships are to a lot of people? Am I just cursed? How do I deal with the sense of rejection I'm feeling from being desired in ways I don't/can't reciprocate?
TLDR: A lot of my friends end up romantically/sexually interested in me and the friendships die out when I don't reciprocate and it makes me sad and uncomfortable. Is this something that happens to a lot of people? Is this how friendships are to non-acespec people?
https://redd.it/1k7blak
@asexualityonreddit
Anyone else hate when people say “why don’t you just date asexuals?”
Asexuals aren’t that common. Yes, we’re the “A” in LGBTQIA but we’re not a huge community. So when people say, “Why don’t you just date other asexuals if dating allosexuals is so hard?” It is like… sure, that sounds simple, but then finding someone who’s asexual and compatible with you in other important ways is actually really difficult.
Also, call me old school, but I like meeting people naturally and seeing if there’s a connection. The issue is, sex always becomes an issue because the people I meet have always been allosexual. I’d absolutely date another asexual person, but I don’t think I should have to restrict myself to only that.
And yes, I get that allosexuals aren’t obligated to stay with someone who’s asexual. But telling asexuals to just “stay in their lane” is incredibly frustrating and it ignores how complex these issues are.
https://redd.it/1k7cjha
@asexualityonreddit
How do I tell my boyfriend I don't want to kiss anymore
Pretty much as the title says. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 7 months, he knows I'm asexual and respects my wishes for keeping it minimum, but recently I've been dreading kissing. I guess I've never really liked kissing abd I definitely think I may have forced myself to like it more than I really did in the past. I've been thinking for the last few weeks and I think I don't really want to kiss at all anymore. I just have no idea how to tell my boyfriend this, as he is not asexual and this was kind of his one thing next to cuddling etc.
https://redd.it/1k76pq1
@asexualityonreddit
what does “hot” mean????
just curious, bc I only recently found out that when people say they find someone “hot”, it means they feel attracted to them and it makes them physically hot??? is that true? i thought it was just a compliment for being good looking or something, idk
https://redd.it/1k75y8x
@asexualityonreddit
Found it funny
https://redd.it/1k73qjv
@asexualityonreddit
Does anyone never want to have sex, ever?
Hi, I’m a 22-year-old asexual woman, and I’ve known for a long time that I never want to have sex, ever. I don’t feel sexual attraction, and the idea of being in a sexual situation, even with someone I deeply love and care about, makes me feel deeply uncomfortable and repulsed. It’s not about trauma, it just doesn’t feel natural to me, and I have no curiosity or desire to experience it.
I enjoy romance in books and movies, and I am a romantic person, but in real life, I could happily live my whole life without a relationship. I might let someone in if they were truly my soulmate, a kindred spirit, someone who is also asexual, doesn’t want kids, has never had sex, and never wants to. If someone is going to walk into my life, they need to speak my language.
If I were to be with someone, it would have to be a deeply emotional and intimate connection, completely sexless.
I’d love to hear from others who feel the same way or have similar experiences.
https://redd.it/1k6zpio
@asexualityonreddit
Being asexual but wanting to be a mother in the future
So I saw another post on here about not wanting to be pregnant and have children as an ace and I’ve never really thought about this before because I have no desire to have sex I don’t enjoy it the thought of some sexual acts just grosses me out but I would really like my own child one day and yes u can have a child through IVF etc but is me wanting to be a mother change anything about being asexual?
https://redd.it/1k6xg1q
@asexualityonreddit
So I can express my obsession with Balatro and my aceness at once? I didn't know we got such perks
https://redd.it/1k6tuz0
@asexualityonreddit
“Girls think it’s a phase”
https://redd.it/1k6q3k5
@asexualityonreddit
Didn’t realize he was sexually attracted to me
I thought it was strange that he kept taking his shirt off around me. To be fair, he was just changing his shirt, so I didn't think much of it at first. I figured I just needed to be more comfortable with it since it seemed normal. However, he started doing it more and when it didn’t make sense, always when we were alone in my room (I was 18 living with my parents at the time). Just recently, I was told that he was trying to get me to be "seduced." Apparently he thought that seeing him shirtless would encourage me to make a move. Im absolutely appalled, I would have never thought. He told me that he couldn’t tell if I was clueless or ignoring his attempts.
https://redd.it/1k6p9qi
@asexualityonreddit
Who is your favorite asexual character?
It doesn’t matter what from: comic, TV show, movie, live action or not, book, anime etc.
Even if they aren’t well-known, or it could be a suspected asexual character.
To start, somewhere on Reddit I read that Frieren (from a Japanese Manga series I love) is suspected to be asexual and it made me so incredibly happy.
I want to hear them all :)
https://redd.it/1k6kcpc
@asexualityonreddit
the veinn diagram between ace peeps and math peeps is a circle
https://redd.it/1k6c6x7
@asexualityonreddit
So I have questions...
Okay so I am almost 42 and I still don't know certain terms. It's so weird to hear people referencing themselves or others as tops and bottoms...I had to have someone younger than me explain what "in my salad" means. Is anyone else lost with these terms.
https://redd.it/1k7mger
@asexualityonreddit
screw romance, what's your favorite song?
https://redd.it/1k7h5nc
@asexualityonreddit
Question for aces
So one question I have about asexuality. I know there are aces that don't 'react' to p0rn. Are aces that do 'react' just as valid?
I know about the libido vs sexual attraction arguement. Is that the situation in this case?
https://redd.it/1k7cddk
@asexualityonreddit
Finding Terms is Hard
https://redd.it/1k7aic5
@asexualityonreddit
I am sex-repulsed and I can't stop being sex repulsed.
I don't fucking understand how people have sex. Maybe it's because I'm 19 and a virgin but I don't know, the idea of sex is just fucking repulsive to me. Like, I can masturbate just fine, but I can't imagine being naked and touching someone else. It's just...ew. And the noises and fluids, it's just... yuck. Like, I get that people have sex, fine, but DON'T TELL ME ABOUT IT. I want it to not bother me and I'm trying to get desensitized but I can't help but grimace and feel uneasy when people start talking about sex.
https://redd.it/1k77nna
@asexualityonreddit
Am I the only one who thought of this???
https://redd.it/1k786xs
@asexualityonreddit
Sex is like bowling.
As an ace person married to an allo person, I see sex more or less as a hobby or interest my partner has that I’m happy to participate in regularly. Like, no, I’d rather not go bowling EVERY day, there are other things I want to do with my time. But I’m happy to go bowling once or twice a week because my partner enjoys it, and I like doing things that they enjoy with them. If I say I don’t want to go bowling today, we don’t go bowling. Sometimes, I’d rather not go bowling, but I know it’ll make them happy so I’ll go anyways, and maybe just watch them bowl while I eat nachos because I know they prefer it when I’m there (ok maybe it’s not a perfect metaphor). I’m an adult and can make my own decisions; they’re not wrong to ask, and I’m not wrong for occasionally going bowling with them when it’s not really what I want to do. They participate in my hobbies and humor me sometimes when I know they’d rather be doing something else– compromise is a healthy part of a relationship.
I really don’t understand why both ace and allo people will freak out about this in a relationship when you replace “bowling” with “sex”. Obviously (to continue the metaphor) there are people who never, ever want to go bowling, and people who want to have a partner who loves bowling just as much as they do. There are also people who try to force their partners to go bowling with them when they don’t want to, and that’s wrong; there are people who force themselves to go bowling with their partner to make them happy, and that’s not fair to either of them. But I’m tired of people acting like my relationship is some magical unicorn that doesn’t actually exist or, if it does, can’t be healthy.
https://redd.it/1k72tyc
@asexualityonreddit
No, no we don't
https://redd.it/1k728ia
@asexualityonreddit
My wife is asexual.
We (33M, 31 F)are together for 6 years first year of meeting we had sex. She feels painful and emotional down after having sex. She said she is asexual because in her past 7 years of relationship never had sex. I need and want sex but I never want enjoyed sex in past so I married her. After 1st year she never kissed me, I haven’t seen her with clothes. She never let me touch her private parts. She love each other. we are emotional connected. We do lots of activities together. Now its becomes my lifestyle. I will not initiate and make any attempts and I am okay with that. Just sharing not looking for suggestions or anything.
https://redd.it/1k6yycd
@asexualityonreddit
Wait... Is this supposed to be tricky question?
https://redd.it/1k6tl3g
@asexualityonreddit
Opinions on making out?
Im curious if other aces view making out as sexual or not. I've never personally made out with anyone, but I fantasize about it quite often, not as a "and then sex" sort of thing, but just as a "being close to someone" sort of thing. In other words, I don't view it as sexual.
Then again I've never kissed anyone either. I had a boyfriend in elementary school that asked if he could kiss me and I got really scared so I said no, so I can't really tell if I'd like it in real life or not. I think I would if I got to know someone well enough, but I'm not sure they'd see it the same way I do.
https://redd.it/1k6d009
@asexualityonreddit
Everybody works differently
https://redd.it/1k6pkt0
@asexualityonreddit
Queer timeline updated :) (with ages)
https://www.reddit.com/gallery/1k6nfor
https://redd.it/1k6ngjj
@asexualityonreddit
What's your funniest way to explain asexuality ?
Because we always have to explain what we are, let's make it funny !
I go first, even if it's not the best, I tried something :
- I'm sexualy attracted to any type of person the way a lesbian is attracted to a man.
- Some people see a chocolate cake and get hungry, some people see a vanilla cake and get hungry, some people see any kind of cakes and get hungry. I'm blind.
- People are flowers to me, can be pretty, soft, smell nice, means a lot.... But does flower turn you on ? No ? That's asexuality
- Sometimes I look for a long time to the bodies of people... And... I can't figure how to make the shading on my drawings right ! (
Special visual artist)
https://redd.it/1k69nvq
@asexualityonreddit
I’m tired of constantly hearing about sex
Hey. I just need to vent about this, as this current period of my life has thought me much about myself and my attitude towards sex.
I’m 20m, and I’m Norwegian🇳🇴. Here in Norway we have a tradition called Russetid, which is a celebration period for graduating high school. Most people choose to partake in this period and be Russ, though it is optional. I’ve never been too interested in being Russ, as from my understanding it’s mostly tons of alcohol, sex and partying. In other words, stuff I don’t care for at all.
I’ve always known this is what a lot of people do when they’re Russ, and that made the choice easy for me to just not be it. But now the Russetid has started, and pretty much everyone is Russ, so naturally people are talking a lot about what they’ll be doing. There are certain milestones you can have when you’re Russ, and from what I hear, there is a lot of sex involved. People talk about it constantly. It’s even part of our assignments in class!
Now, I’m aego, and normally don’t really have a problem reading or watching sexual content. I usually don’t care about other people having sex, they can do what they want. But apparently I have a limit. I feel that now I hear so many people my age and people I know talk about their experiences and plans regarding sex, and for the first time I actually feel deeply uncomfortable knowing what other people are doing. I feel ashamed for even caring, as it’s not my business at all. I just get so mentally exhausted when sex is such an ever present topic from all directions.
That’s all. I just needed to put my feelings into words. Thanks for reading.
https://redd.it/1k6b5f9
@asexualityonreddit