36
Puisi Untuk Yang Tak Terisi🐺 Instagram: https://instagram.com/qash.lee https://instagram.com/bulumataperaksangserigala
Tali dan kerusi?
Bilah berlipat?
Sianida?
Argghhh
Aku penari dua pena
Aku berdarah di atas kertas
Hitam tinta adalah hanyir derita
Merah tinta adalah air mata arjuna
Terdengar suara riuh itu kembali
Ruang tempat pernah bertamu
Malam esok sudah 22
Namun siapa yang 22?
Aku masih sebelas
Yang bertatih tanpa kelibat ibu
Dua puluh dua
Dan tiada yang menjadi ibu
Ibu bekalkan doa
Kepada hati
Aku bekalkan puisi
Kepada dia
Tiada mendengar
Tiada mengesat
Teriakan yang menagihkan syurga
Yang dirindukan
Lelaki dari bulan
Dialah juara
Ketika laut menjadi metafora air mata
Paling kering
Dia sudah mati
Pada malam lapan belas lima
-L.A
Di bawah langit malam
Atau di bawah bumbung kamar si sewel?
Gelita atau kandil kejora?
Pada keduanya aku bernafas
Namun adakah aku masih hidup?
Langit,
Sekejam apa tingkah manusia hari ini?
Sehingga engkau menangis begitu keras
Sehingga engkau menculik mentari
Sehingga biasan monokrom berlanjutan hingga hari ini
Sehingga kota ini berbau derita
Kotornya manusia hari ini
Sehingga engkau
Perlu membasuh mereka
Dengan lukamu sendiri
"In the end, I'm just Van Gogh's suicide letter, not his favourite art"
Читать полностью…
"The hardest part about walking away from someone is the part where you realize that no matter how slow you'll go, they'll never run after you."
-Luna Adriana
A Message to Young People from Andrei Tarkovsky
- What would you like to tell young people?
- I don’t know… I think I’d like to say only that they should learn to be alone and try to spend as much time as possible by themselves. I think one of the faults of young people today is that they try to come together around events that are noisy, almost aggressive at times. This desire to be together in order to not feel alone is an unfortunate symptom, in my opinion. Every person needs to learn from childhood how to be spend time with oneself. That doesn’t mean he should be lonely, but that he shouldn’t grow bored with himself because people who grow bored in their own company seem to me in danger, from a self-esteem point of view.
Andrei Tarkovsky on the set of Stalker (1979)
At some point in my life, I feel like I'm losing all my will to live. I feel like it's easier to give up than to continue fighting for an endless battle. Sometimes I'm tired of lying to myself that everything will be okay— that I'll be happy again and I'm going to heal from all the heartaches that I've been bearing. There are times where I feel like I'm losing hope in everything and I am just moving with the flow of life. I could no longer find any motivation to survive a day, I just live my life as if I have no other choice but to wake-up and get up in bed.
Behind every smile that I show to everyone, there is a dead soul inside me. Most days, I feel like I'm drowning in sadness. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to tell anyone that I am not okay all along. I'm tired of being resilient. I'm tired of acting so strong. For the first time after how many years of being brave, I want to admit that I am so tired of this life and I don't wanna be sad anymore. I no longer want to feel like dying with the pain that I've been keeping inside. I'm tired, and I feel so lost at the same time.
— Shiori X
"Yang sempurna bukanlah yang terbaik
Yang terbaik tidak terlihat sempurna"
If and When
—
I may not always have
the courage to fight for you.
I may not always have
the strength to carry you
through your weakest days.
I may not always have
the smile that brightens
most of your days.
I may not have
the kind of love
that you may seek
when yours run out.
I may not always
be the person you used
to have and hold.
But,
if and when
that happens…
Please, remember—
I have given you
nothing but my all.
— Page 27 | Love, Lavender Pen - Vol. I
I've always tried to control things
In the end that's what controls me
Maybe that's why I'm controllin'
“You Either Die A Hero, Or You Live Long Enough To See Yourself Become The Villain” — Harvey Dent in The Dark Knight (2008).
Читать полностью…
Diskusi senja
Tentang aku
Tentang kamu
Tentang kita
Moga masih ada usia
Untuk senja yang sama
Bumi yang sama
Waktu yang sama
Bersama
-🥨-
I never feel bad for the extra love I gave. For the times when I went above and beyond for others, for the times when I still looked at the best in the people who couldn't even see the good in me. But I'm not gonna lie, sometimes, when I watch the rain and loneliness catches up on me, I find myself hoping for that extra love to find their way back to me. I don't care how long or what form it takes. Be it in this life or the next, in one way or another.
Just rain on me.
There are times where I feel like I'm not going to be okay anymore. It's as if no matter what I do, I am still hurting. Every day, I am hurting like it's never going to heal. I'm tired of this pain. I wish I could have even just a day without feeling hurt in my chest. I wish I could just live like an ordinary person, not a miserable one.
Sometimes I wish I could just disappear. I want to be far away from the people that remind of every heartache that I'm bearing. I want to forget those who hurt me. But sadly, I remember everything clearly. My heart cries every time I remember. It feels like my soul is dying repeatedly until I feel so dead inside.
Will I ever be okay? Will I ever find happiness again? I feel so lost and sad at the same time. I wish I could make all these feelings disappear. I just want to be happy. Why is it too hard to be okay?
— Shiori X
"Tidak menghargai atau sebenarnya sudah penat tidak dihargai?"
Читать полностью…
Jika tinta namaku masih berbekas
Padamkanlah segera
Padamkan nyawa kandil di sebelahnya
Biarkan sisa-sisa nyala
Menjadi agoni terakhir
Sebelum
Sebelum pulang
Menjadi debu bercahaya
Yang mengagumi berlian angkasa
Biarkan dia berehat
Mata pensilnya sudah tumpul
Pengasahnya juga sudah diambil orang
Warnanya semakin pudar dikala malam
Tinggal siapa lagi?
Di antara sendiri dan sendirian
Tinggal berapa waktu lagi?
Untuk menuju simfoni kesembilan
Tinggal apa lagi?
Untuk namaku menjadi memori
Paling dibenci
-Lee Ahmad
Akhirnya dia menghilangkan diri
Dari rimbunan kata yang belum gugur
Pada pohon resah
Amigdala juga mungkin gagal berfungsi
Yang pernah menyelamatkan
Tidak diselamatkan
Bunyi sunyi
Sudah sebati
Kehilangan
Ritual ruji
Foto suara
Menjadi filem hitam putih
Paling digemari
Si algojo
Basah disember
Menampar wajah
Mengerling resah
Meniup amarah
Dilupakan
Adalah kematian
Sebelum kematian
Abadi
Jeda ini
Tidak berpenghujung
Lelaki itu
Tidak lagi kembali
Tertumpah kata yang keluar dari mata
Menjadi tinta berwarna merah
Mewakilkan pedih yang merajai jiwa
Lebih sulit dari puisi pada kulit
Lebih mendung dari mata tidak berpayung
Api agoni kembali menyala
Suara miseri kembali tumbuh
Siluet gebar abrit-abritan
Menuju subuh yang belum dijanjikan
Dipaksa melalui retrospeksi
Sehingga runtuh senyum yang sedia mumuk
Gebar menghembuskan gelugut di dalam dingin
Ninabobok gagal menjadi simfoni lena
Lekas didendangkan ngongoian langit
Berdamawisata
Menikmati persembahan algojo
Bersama aku
Hanya obituari
Tiada epitaf-Bulu Mata Perak Sang Serigala
Kamu tidak ada di mana-mana
Namun kamu sentiasa ada
Will you...
Hold my hand for a little while?
I don’t need you to save me
No need for you to fix anything
No need for you to hold my pain
But will you simply hold my hand?
I do not need your words
Your thoughts
Nor your shoulders to carry me
But will you sit here for a while with me?
Whilst my tears they stream
Whilst my heart it shatters
Whilst my mind plays tricks on me
Will you with your presence let me know that I am not alone, whilst I wander into my inner unknown?
For my darkness is mine to face
My pain is mine to feel
And my wounds are mine to heal
But will you sit with me here, while I courageously show up for it all my dear?
For I am bright because of my darkness
Beautiful because of my brokenness
And strong due to my tender heart
But will you take my hand lovingly, when I sometimes journey into the dark?
I don’t ask for you to take my darkness away
I don’t expect for you to brighten my day
And I don’t believe that you can mend my pain
But I would surely love if you could sit for a while and hold my hand, until I find my way out of my shadowland!
So will you...
Hold my hand until I return again?~
~Zoe Johansen
People say that time is supposed to make things better, or the bigger picture, clearer. But to me, everything just seems to get more blurry as the days go by. I just get more confused about which path to take and more scared that I already missed my train. It's the worst feeling.
Everyday, when I walk in the busy streets, I always wonder how most people have this calm look on their faces. I want to ask them how they do it, I want to know if they're just trying to keep a straight face but their head is full of storms, too. And at night, I talk to the stars till I fall asleep. I silently wish that tomorrow's a better day. That things would eventually feel right, and that one day, I'd smile to myself, realizing that I somehow just stopped wondering.
—Jun Mark Patilan
We can't be happy for almost every single day of our lives. What I mean is, there are days when we feel so lost, so despondent and so exhausted. There are also days when we might feel like there's something missing on us—like there is this voided part on our being. But remember: us, alike the moon, will have to undergo some phases to be "full" again. There will surely come a day wherein we'll find ourselves complete once more. And if being whole won't stay for long, there will absolutely be someone who will still accept us no matter how jaded and incomplete we are after our own pair of eyes; that there will be someone who will appreciate our entirety, despite of being crippled and broken.
—Ren Ednalig | #353of365
White Tulips:
Their symbolism is very clear: they mean purity and calmness. They are a flower that portray pure love and sincere apologies.”
LAST YEAR LETTER TO YOU
Time goes by so fast sometimes. All of a sudden it's June, then quickly it's September, and December is just around the corner. As short as our memory though. its just January it feels like. Now it's about to change again.
There are things that have been achieved, always be grateful. Although, sometimes we also have to sigh again. Some dreams are just an image. Can't grow up yet to be real. Has not grown to be something we can touch in the world.
However, those days can never be repeated. We have no ability to turn back time. If only I had it, maybe the spirit will not be the same anymore. Hopefully all the things that have not been reached will be okay.
As long as there is breath, there is always a new day to fight for what we want. Let go of expectations of self-improving. Getting ready to fight again. Forgetting those tiring days. Gather the energy to refocus.
Even if today doesn't feel perfect, there's more light tomorrow. Although today we have to grieve and mourn, hopefully tomorrow we can smile in a real victory. Tell yourself don't give up just yet The dream is still yours.
Hi,
from your friend who daydreams a lot. is planning the days of the next year of her life.
--boycott
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside while still alive"
Читать полностью…
I hope you have at least one person who reminds you of your worth whenever you can barely see it. Someone who will always see beyond what everyone sees in you and what you always show. Someone who whenever you feel lost, you look into their eyes and see the reflection of who you truly are.
Читать полностью…
Mereka kata mahu Malaysia baru
Namun mengapa masih orang lama yang meneraju?
Bukankah berani itu sebahagian daripada Melayu?
Mengapa kini sudah layu?
Najis-najis yang ditanam
Mulut-mulutnya bungkam
Entah bunga apa yang selama ini kami siram
Berbau seram
Menumbuhkan geram
Kecewa timbul dari satu harapan
Untuk melihat cahaya dalam satu perikatan
Yang tidak akan pernah memimpin barisan
Hari ini kali terakhir dipanggil anak kucing lemah
Hari esok menjadi harimau mengukir sejarah
Tidak lagi menyembah
Si Gila Kuasa
Bukan lagi menjadi citarasa
Keluh kesah memilih si bangsat
Setelah selamat
Di mana suara demi rakyat?
-Lee Ahmad
I am slowly learning that I will never be the person I was before. Things happened, and my heart was shattered. Pain went through me like thread through a needle, and roughly tacked the broken parts of me into its very colour. I know that this, too, will be okay one day. Like the time when I had forgotten how to breathe and pretended to smile just to not let everyone else worry about me, and then slowly I found myself smiling without even trying. My Mother said that if you wear a mask for too long, eventually it becomes a part of you.
On most days, the world seems too heavy, but for my sake, I am learning how to carry the weight and still live a little in my own way. I understand that pain will always be there, and the only way I can face it is by accepting its existence. I am realising that no matter how much I regret choosing wrong things in my past, it won't change my future. People will leave or choose someone else. I can't do anything about it. I will be the only person to stay and pick up parts of me. I will be the only one who will pat myself on my worst days. So, I have to take care of myself. I am not looking for closure or reasons why people did what they did. All that's left now is the consequences of my choices and I am learning to accept it. I want healthy habits and healthy relationships. I don't want to make justifications for anything I did. I want myself to learn how it is to eat rice without crying on Sundays when I have no one else. I want to learn how to watch movies and eat in a restaurant alone. I want to teach myself that there are things that are beyond my control and if I try to control them, I will lose sight of myself. So, the best I can do is watch it unfold and change my life accordingly.
I am slowly learning that I have to be the one who fixes myself. Other people can't do that for me. Love surely helps, but if you don't know who you are, you might lose yourself completely again when the worst happens. So, I have to learn to take care of myself before giving a part of my heart to someone else. I am slowly accepting myself for who I am, and changing habits that are bad for me. I don't want to get caught up in things that aren't for me. I don't want shallow love, or friendship. I want to text people 'I miss you' at two in the afternoon when they are at their busiest. I am learning that I might not be special to everyone, but I should at least be special to myself.
I deserve that.
It's been raining a lot lately. Maybe not where other people can see, but my head is full of storms I just can't seem to calm. I don't know if this comes with age, but I've been having restless bus rides home where I keep on asking myself, "where do I go now?"
I always get frustrated not knowing how others figure it out. I'm just so tired. Of course I'll keep going, but I really hope there's an end to this cycle. I think it'll be nice to wake up one day and I don't have to ask questions anymore. To lay on my bed without staring at the ceiling for hours, hoping to finally fall asleep. To ride the bus or the train without having to fight back the tears or needing to drown my thoughts with music.
I really hope with all my heart that this rain stops sooner.