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Brushing up your English everyday https://vk.com/english_page Расскажите друзьям о нас!
Care to seduce a large woman?
Piece of cake
#joke #pun
A German walks into a library and asks for a book on war.
The librarian replies, "No mate, you'll lose it."
#joke #pun
Somebody said today that I'm lazy. I nearly answered him.
#joke
”Our restaurant’s snails are world-famous.”
“I know, one of them’s just been serving me.”
#joke
The future, the present, and the past walk into a shady bar. Things get tense.
#joke #pun
[темнота]
to sound more advanced say ✔️pitch dark = extremely dark [черный как смола, очень тёмный]
to Affect is a verb, and an Effect is a noun.
[влиять, воздействовать]
Friday #joke
My girlfriend says she doesn't trust me.
I guess that's just one more thing she has in common with my wife.
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Just one #joke before going to sleep
If you’re having a bad day, remember some adults wear braces.
#joke
[двойной подбородок]
do you know how to get rid of a double chin?
A naked women robbed a bank. Nobody could remember her face.
#joke
I heard Apple is designing a new automatic car. But they're having trouble installing windows.
#joke #pun - игра слов
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
#joke
My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.
#joke
I think Google is a woman...
Because it won't let you finish a sentence without coming up with other suggestions.
#joke
[отсутствовать]
By the way,guys we are extremely sorry for being absent for a long time! This month was a bit tough on us, but now we are back, and ready to tell you about some new words. ⭐️
Razliubit' — to fall out of love, a bittersweet feeling #joke
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My wife and I planned to commit suicide together.
But once she'd killed herself, things suddenly looked a lot more positive.
#joke
In a fortnight we are going on holidays. Kate keeps showing off her new bikini. Well, she is slim and so beautiful. Oh, I need to lose some weight to be as confident as her #upshot [listen and recognise new words]
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[уверенный]
✔️ self-confident - самоуверенный, уверенный в себе