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A Quote Motivates You, Inspires You, Gives You Will. But The Work Have To Be Done By You. Audiobook , E-Book,Entrepreneur Magazine - every Week You Can Do It, Keep Moving Forward.🖤
⛹🏻The Power and Effect of Play
How often do you just play? Not work, or compete, but simply play because something feels good or is fun?
As children so much of our time was focused on playing. There was no fear of making a mistake or doing it wrong. There was something natural and innate about using our imaginations to create worlds outside of the physical and just play.
Our adult minds make us believe that playing is not important and that there needs to be a goal or an objective for an activity or exercise to be “worth it.” But play is not trivial.
It has been scientifically acknowledged that play is good for the brain, that perhaps it’s even as crucial as sleep or food. Play is about pleasure, engagement – voluntarily enjoying yourself and being in the moment.
When I was younger my ambition spilled over into my free time activities. Working out was about keeping my body a particular way. I didn’t enjoy the gym or running, but wanted to check them off my list. It wasn’t until I injured myself that I realized how little fun I was having and started to dial into what would feel good and actually be fun. Now I only do workouts that make me feel good while I’m doing them and after, like yoga, intensati, hiking with pals etc. My entire relationship to movement changed from shifting my priorities. If it’s not fun…I will find something that is!
One of the most valuable things you can gain by prioritizing play is using your imagination, which is one of the most unique things about you and the part of the brain that adults rarely stimulate.
Developmentally, play teaches kids how to be fair and cooperate with others, (and yes it seems that some grown-ups could use a refresher course on this!).
Play fosters relationships of goodwill and offers us a way to relax.
If you’re stuck for how you can get out there and play more, try a game night with friends, if you enjoy group play. Or take your dog/kids/spouse to the park (try to leave your phone at home), and just chill out. Even playful banter with your partner can be psychologically healthy for your brain and for your relationship.
fear can lead you to want to blend in with those around you. But trying to fit in with the crowd will cause you to disguise who you really are. Trust that you're mentally strong enough to stand out and dare to be different.
🔖Writer of this post: Jerry.
5 Things To Always Keep Secret
👍🏼It is not advisable to communicate the details of your life to everyone – because sometimes a listening ear becomes a running mouth. It is better to have your personal information kept to yourself rather than sharing it with everyone as discussing such issues most times usually have a disappointing result.
Here are five (5) important things that you need to keep personal and do as much as possible not to share these secrets.
Your Innermost Thoughts
What you think about certain topics should be your believe and not what you try to inculcate into others. For instance, your thought about some spirituality issues, life or death would bring so much reactions of diverse kinds when you choose to make them a topic for discussion. Learn to understand that your thoughts are your interpretation and not the objective truth or you may likely get into some ill outcomes on such arguments.
Your Philanthropy
Giving a helping hand to a person or any other form of charitable work is very good and does a whole lot to the development of individuals and our society and its more value when you do not seek recognition for such benevolence. When you try to publicize how you have been helpful, it usually comes out to be some sort of boasting as many will have the thought that your initial intentions for such support was to seek popularity. There’s much virtue in adding value to people and remaining anonymous.
Your Goals
Your plans ought to be guarded with all diligence until you are able to achieve them. Being loud about such plans can enable some other people steal your ideas and work on them better, dealing with loopholes you may not have noticed in your plans. If this happens, it will get you demoralized and regretful that you ever made your plans known to anyone.
Your Lifestyle
Certain details about your personality such as; your sex life, religious life, overcoming a bad habit, etc. are not of any concerns to the world. It’s not worth it to put your emotional conditions out to all. Expecting appraisals from people is not necessary
Your Family’s Dirty Laundry
It is very disrespectful and unwise to bring stories of conflicts within your family to others. It devalues your person and brings more ridicule to your family as such stories are usually passed on by the people you told to some other friends of theirs and this will only make issues worse. Problems in the home are best resolved in the home as you share issues within the confines of your home, and with your loved ones.
Do you have anything you’d like to add to this list? Add it by just sending it by clicking on this link
the paperwork.
There are many reasons to stay in or leave a bad relationship. Only you can make that choice. No one else can make it for you. You have to decide what is ultimately best for you and your family. Every situation is unique and there is no universal fix that will magically make everything better. Leaving a broken relationship is a hard choice, but it is a choice only you can decide.
❣Expert Advice, LLC. All rights reserved
Must be quite long time since I posted but all is good again,was welcoming my baby girl to this world,she was born on 10/10/2016 . her name is Leila Odell.
Just to illustrate abit her name....
Leila means born at night(she was born at night actually),an exotic, beauty,caring name which woul describe a beautifull woman.
A Leila is a very concerned with her looks,and at young age can seem older and more mature(which often is).she is familyb oriented,with many hopesn and dreams for future.
that girl is pretty!
Odell means
The name Odell is an Anglo-Saxon baby name. In Anglo-Saxon the meaning of the name Odell is: Wealthy.
Numerology
SoulUrge Number: 1
People with this name have a deep inner desire to inspire others in a higher cause, and to share their own strongly held views on spiritual matters.
Expression Number: 3
People with this name tend to be creative and excellent at expressing themselves. They are drawn to the arts, and often enjoy life immensely. They are often the center of attention, and enjoy careers that put them in the limelight. They tend to become involved in many different activities, and are sometimes reckless with both their energies and with money.
help me welcome her to this world
Hello our dear lovely community? We'd like to thank you all for being part of this channel,which brings to you most of the crucial topics and opens them up . How do you rate us?
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ed from a decade of research on engaging with the world from a place of worthiness.
She offers ten guideposts to help us cultivate the courage, self-compassion, and connection to love ourselves and live happily in spite of our vulnerabilities and imperfections. A beautiful book.
5. 10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works--A True Story, by Dan Harris
You may know Dan Harris as an ABC news anchor and host of the program Nightline. You may not know that he had a full-blown panic attack, live and on-air during a segment of Good Morning America.
Dan, a lifelong nonbeliever, used this terrifying and humbling experience as the launching pad for a spiritual adventure. Through his new assignment as a religion reporter and his longing to quiet "the voice" in his head, Dan discovered the power of meditation and mindfulness to forge a life that is at least 10% happier and more centered and connected.
Dan's writing is witty, self-deprecating, and insightful. He gives you many compelling reasons to get out of your own head begin immediately with a mindfulness practice. Amazon's description of the book is spot on: "10% Happier takes readers on a ride from the outer reaches of neuroscience to the inner sanctum of network news to the bizarre fringes of America’s spiritual scene, and leaves them with a takeaway that could actually change their lives."
6. Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life, by Susan David
Renowned psychologist Susan David developed the concept of "emotional agility" after studying emotions, happiness, and achievement for more than twenty years.
It is an approach that allows us to navigate life’s twists and turns with self-acceptance, clear-sightedness, and an open mind. In fact, the way we respond to life's challenges internally through our thoughts, feelings, and self-talk determines how successful and happy we become.
Susan David shares four key concepts to acknowledge uncomfortable experiences while simultaneously detaching from them so they don't take over our lives. This allows us to embrace our core values and adjust our actions to go where we truly want to go.
7. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, by Susan Cain
Fellow introverts -- this is a must-read for you. All you extraverts out there, you have at least one introvert in your life, so it's a must-read for you too!
Susan Cain shows how our culture has undervalued introverts, but also how much we have given up by doing so. In a culture that celebrates the extravert ideal, introverts have gotten a bad rap. But thankfully she reveals the power of introverts and how valuable they are in the professional world as well as within families, communities, and society in general.
Cain offers a wealth of useful advice for introverts, as well as for teachers and parents of introverts. It's also a perfect book for highly sensitive people who are more often than not introverts themselves.
8. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, Daniel Goleman
Daniel Goleman has changed the way we look at intelligence. He suggests that both our rational and emotional minds shape our success in relationships, work, and even our physical well-being.
He defines emotional intelligence in terms of self-awareness, altruism, personal motivation, empathy, and the ability to love and be loved by friends, partners, and family members. People who possess high emotional intelligence are the people who truly succeed in work as well as play, building flourishing careers and lasting, meaningful relationships.
This book should be at the top of everyone's self-help reading list because understanding and improving our "EQ" is critical to happiness in our relationships, careers, and daily life.
9. Loving What Is: Four Questions T[...]
l the incredible benefits you are experiencing just by doing something you automatically do.
9. Connection
In our digital age, the world is shrinking. From phone calls to text messages and emails to social media, there has never been so many ways to connect with one another.
For most people, their little cell phone alone can achieve all of this. All you have to do is pull it out of your pocket. Take advantage of how easy it is, and send some positive vibes to someone you love today.
10. Rest
There are few things that feel as good as waking up in the morning actually rested and ready to conquer the day.
Ensure you get a good night’s sleep by incorporating meditation, relaxation techniques, lavender scents, or chamomile tea beforehand.
Take time outs for yourself throughout the day as well to keep your mood and energy level lifted.
Continue to celebrate the big milestones in life – they are important as well. Just remember to enjoy the small things in your day to day life too.
With practice it will become second nature. As you focus on living in the present moment, you will more easily notice all of the simple pleasures that you used to take for granted.
As your gratitude muscle strengthens, your life will begin to feel even more satisfying and full of joy.
Author Bio
Grace Furman is a writer and blogger at Heartful Habits. Heartful Habits is a place of inspiration for what Grace calls living mindfully and heartfully. She loves learning and sharing about wellness tips, natural remedies, beauty DIYs, green cleaners, social issues, and more.
The post How Enjoying The Small Things Can Improve Your Life In A Big Way appeared first on Live Bold and Bloom.
➖ @expertadvice ➖
Live Bold and Bloom
How Enjoying The Small Things Can Improve Your Life In A Big Way
People naturally feel excited during big life events – weddings, newborn babies, first homes, job promotions, and so on – and I don’t mean to diminish their importance.
However, oftentimes when we reminisce, it is the seemingly small, everyday moments that have truly made up the fabric of our lives.
Kurt Vonnegut said, “Enjoy the little things in life because one day you’ll look back and realize they were the big things.”
Thinking only about the big things sometimes can be detrimental.
There is both outer and inner pressure connected to these kinds of grand achievements. Being under a lot of pressure will negatively affect your mental and physical health.
Feelings of anxiety, sleep difficulties, a compromised immune system, and unexplained aches and pains are not uncommon symptoms of being overly stressed out.
Always wanting more can also lead to a very unsatisfying life if left unchecked.
While goals and dreams are certainly beneficial, an insatiable desire to have more can leave you feeling like you are less than. Constantly striving to get further will cause you to feel as though you are falling behind.
This type of mindset takes the focus off of what you have or what you have done and puts it on a place of lack. However, a grateful heart will allow you to see the good in what is currently going on in your life.
The ability to appreciate the small things turns can upgrade your life in a big way. There is reason to celebrate and be grateful every day with just a slight shift in perspective.
Dr. Emiliana Simon-Thomas, who studies the science of gratitude from a background in neuroscience, says that gratitude is skill. This means anyone can begin to strengthen and flex their gratitude muscle. Here are five simple ways enjoying the small things can make you more grateful:
1. Keep Track
Intentionally notice the things you are grateful for and keep a record of them.
You can write them out in a physical journal, type them up in a Word document, or even record them in a gratitude journal app.
My counselor suggested to me to aim for three items a day, but you can really structure it (or not structure it) however works best for you.
[Post: How to Practice Gratitude]
2. Thank Someone
When someone does something for you, big or small, recognize it.
We all go through our days wrapped up in our own lives, so it is pretty special when another person goes out of their way for you. You can simply say, “Thank you,” in the moment, or perhaps send a thank you card to them afterward.
Not only will the other person feel good about being acknowledged, you will feel good too.
[Post: 10 Simple Things To Be Thankful For]
3. Compliment Someone
Give a sincere compliment to a friend, family member, romantic partner, or even a stranger.
Be as specific as possible to make it more meaningful. The people around us have so many wonderful characteristics worth admiring.
You may even be surprised by just how many when you start actively seeking them out.
[Post: Confidently Tell Someone You Like Them]
4. Appreciate Yourself
Don’t forget to extend this attitude of thankfulness to yourself too. Compliment yourself as well.
You work hard, you have good intentions, and you make a positive impact on the people around you.
You are worthy of love and affection, so show it to yourself whenever possible too.
[Post: Love Yourself ]
5. Live in the Moment
My counselor once told me that depression is being stuck in the past, anxiety is being overly concerned about the future, but peace can be found by living in the present. Right now.
After all, our lives are created by millions of small “now” moments all strung together. You are alive, you are breath[...]
3 Ways to Love The Single Life
Even though many people associate happiness with having a significant other to cuddle up with at night, plenty of people still find fulfillment being single. Being in a relationship definitely comes with perks, but maybe some people(especially from the generation of millennials) find that relationships cause suffocation and stagnation. We’ve been led to believe that the single life means loneliness, depression, and constant jealousy over happy couples, but could we find happiness within ourselves, perhaps? Could we find what we need in ourselves rather than seeking it in others? We will leave you with those questions for now, and if you’re currently single, don’t ever beat yourself up or get down about this.
You can certainly enjoy life to the fullest whether you have a partner or not; being single doesn’t have to mean nights alone with only Netflix and a pint of ice cream for company.
Society seems to fixate on having relationships in order to find contentment, but lots of people prove this theory dead wrong.
3 Ways to Love The Single Life
1. Enjoy the lack of commitment by going on dates.
So, let’s start this off with some brutal honesty. Not everyone wants or needs a serious relationship in their life at all times, or even ever. Some people actually feel more content by NOT having a serious commitment. I mean, think about it: no worrying about checking in with a partner about plans, no discussing where to eat, or financial issues, or relationship problems, and no asking anyone for permission. You get total freedom to live life how you want, and meet whoever you want, whenever you want. You can go on dates with whoever you like, and get to know people outside of a relationship.
Maybe you don’t know what you want in a partner, so going on dates will let you figure that out all over again. Do you want a talkative, outgoing person, or a more quiet, contemplative person? You might have no idea, especially if you’ve just gotten out of a painful relationship. Go on dates to find yourself, and find what you like in others. You have no one telling you what to do or who to hang out with, so embrace the freedom for as long as it lasts!
2. Fall in love with yourself all over again!
In a relationship, you can certainly work on yourself, but being single gives you more time and freedom to do so. Self-development allows you to build character and strengthen your understanding of yourself and life, which can actually make you a more whole person. You should think of self-development and self-love as the cornerstone for a good life and successful relationships; perhaps our high rate of divorce today stems from an overwhelming lack of self-acceptance and the desperation to attain it. We all want love, but don’t look within. We all want to find ourselves, but forget to look past our own egos.
Being single gives you a chance to boost your confidence, and do the things that make you feel most alive! You can spend your time however you choose, skydiving, cliff jumping, traveling, taking art classes, learning meditation, building a business, or whatever you want! Knock those things off your bucket list, with or without a partner!
In these trying times, many people just want answers, but find that reality doesn’t provide them with what they seek. Meditation, mindfulness, and spiritual practices have greatly increased in popularity recently, and being single will give you more time to fall in love with yourself by going within. At the end of the day, we all have just ourselves to turn to, so the best thing we can possibly do is to cultivate a healthy relationship with ourselves.
3. Spend time with loved ones.
rebounding [learn about rebounding exercise here], which is one of the most fun and beneficial exercises you can find. It's easy on your joints and great for you lymphatic system. 5. Write positive affirmations daily.
Affirmations are a type of auto-suggestion. By practicing them every day, they reinforce new, positive chemical pathways in your brain, strengthening neural connections for a more optimistic outlook.
Where do you find yourself worrying? At work? In your car? At home?
Wherever it is, use sticky notes and write out some affirmations to keep in sight.
“I am in control of my thoughts.”
“I am confident and successful.”
“I release thoughts that do not serve me.”
These types of statements are powerful and help you train and control your thoughts, not the other way around.
Check out Barrie's list of 101 positive affirmations if you need some ideas to get started. What next?
After you start practicing some ways to take control of our thoughts, it is time to take a good look at what causes the worry.
* What are you doing as the worry starts? Start to pay attention.
* Are you on your phone? Maybe the person you're talking with triggers your worry.
* Reading someone’s social media status? Unplug for a while.
* Are you reading into comments made at work without asking for clarification? Speak up and ask what’s on your mind.
* Are you judging a situation without all the facts? Move to observation.
* Are you stuck in a cycle of what you should have done? This puts you back in the past, so practice the mindfulness technique.
* Are you starting to feel a panic attack because of worry? Get to yoga, exercise, or start breathing deeply to calm your thoughts down and affirm that you are in control of your thoughts. They are not in control of you.
If you need a little more inspiration to help you stop worrying, here are a few quotes to remind you to stay present:
If you can’t sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It’s the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep. ~Dale Carnegie
Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight. ~Ben Franklin
You can’t wring your hands and roll up your sleeves at the same time. ~Pat Schroeder
Rule number one is, don’t sweat the small stuff. Rule number two is, it’s all small stuff. ~Robert Eliot
Don’t shoulder the burdens of others!...
Each man has his own special troubles,
His worries and problems and woes;
Give aid when you can to each mortal,
But try not to feel all his blows!
For you, too, have burdens to carry;
And, if you just wear yourself out
In agony over all others,
How can you, your own troubles, rout?
~Gertrude Buckingham, “Good Advice”
In the end, I use a combination of techniques to combat my own worry.
I started doing more outside of my house, and less inside. I started meeting with friends on a regular basis and teaching them how to journal and focus on gratitude.
I became a yoga teacher who wove intricate quotes into the classes and taught meditation techniques right there on the spot.
I let go of things that were not meant for me, and made some new friends who knew how to be grateful even during illness.
It did not happen overnight as I am constantly using mindfulness and remembering that worry is a learned behavior -- one that has taken me years to perfect, so it’s natural that getting it under control takes some work. However, I was ready to do the work.
Author Bio:
Aimee Halpin is a wellness advocate, yoga teacher and fighter of obscure diseases (namely her own). Her passion is helping others find their spark again after getting diagnosed with invisible diseases. Her writing has appeared in two books, e-zines, a local magazine in her hometown, and all over the internet. She started her blog, The Burned Hand, to help others fight illness and still maintain hope.
Live Bold and Bloom
How To Stop Worrying With 5 Simple Daily Habits
There was a time in my life when I had two friends who would constantly message me at all times of the day and night.
It would be one worry thought after another just because someone at work spoke to my friend in the wrong way.
“Do you think my boss hates me? I am probably going to get fired. Why do you think they asked me to report back to them when the meeting is finished? Do you think they are checking up on me?”
It went on and on. Then the other friend would message me. “Hey, I'm unhappy, but I am not going to leave this situation. I am just going to keep messaging you about the same thing over and over.”
Okay, so the last part I made up, but it was the same message over and over for years.
Not to sound heartless, but at the time I was dealing with some of the worst pain of my life due to an ongoing health condition. My focus was to move forward from pain the best I could.
Did I worry?
Of course I did -- all the time. But I was trying to move forward.
The messages from the friends got so bad that I finally had to tell them that unless we were talking about what was positive in their lives, I really couldn’t keep responding and move forward from my own pain.
Magically, the messages stopped.
What does worry do to us?
I once read that approximately 40 percent of what we worry about never happens at all, and 30 percent of what we worry about has actually already happened. It’s in the past, but we keep thinking about it.
As we continue to worry, the fear factor starts to prep our body for danger. Our brain gets a dose of hormones sent to the amygdala, which then goes into "fight or flight" mode.
The brain short circuits the rational parts, and we actually become irrational. Our thoughts become negative, and the brain remembers them that way.
In essence, worry makes the situation feel ten times worse that it is, and we remember it as worse than it actually was at the time. We are born with something called the "negativity bias, a tendency to react to negative stimuli more intensely than positive.
Says Barrie Davenport in her book Declutter Your Mind, "It means that you are hardwired to overthink, worry, and view situations more negatively than they are in reality. You see threats as more threatening and challenges as more challenging."
The good news is that worry is a learned behavior, and it's easier to control than you might think (or worry about). If you want to learn how to stop worrying, here are five positive habits to help you: 1. Practice mindfulness daily. This is something that I learned through my own work with yoga, but you don't have to be a yogi to practice mindfulness.
You can work on being mindful each and every day. Simply put, mindfulness means being fully present in the moment. It's hard to be overwhelmed about the past or the future when you are engaged in the now.
Rather than allowing your mind to wander to your habitual anxiety thoughts, pay attention to what you are doing right now. If you are washing dishes, feel the water, observe the dish becoming clean and shiny, and dry it off with attention and care.
It's hard to be mindful every minute of the day, but become more aware of staying present with whatever you are doing, no matter how mundane.
Also, rather than allowing your thoughts to take control of you, begin to observe them from afar, with a detached perspective. Become aware of them, but then we let them go and return your focus to the present moment at hand.
Mindfulness takes regular practice in order to help you detach from constant worry, but it's well worth the effort. When your mind is busy with the present moment, it doesn't have time to worry.
When you do find yourself worrying, you can lessen the angst by detachin[...]
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There are also some important behavioral dos and don'ts that will help make these conflict resolution steps work (or fail to work). You may want to add to this list. Then go over it with your partner before you start discussing the issue at hand:
Do: Focus on the present or future.
Don't: Rehash history.
Do: Use a respectful tone.
Don't: Raise your voice or use insulting words or facial expressions.
Do: Respect your partner's feelings and ideas.
Don't: Criticize, attack, blame, or humiliate.
Do: Take responsibility for your own actions.
Don't: Tell your partner what to do.
Do: Spend the time necessary to reach a resolution.
Don't: Physically attack the other person or threaten violence
Do: Focus on solving the problem.
Don't: Focus on being right.
Part of being human is having needs. Part of the reality of being in a relationship is facing the fact that your partner also has needs, and sometimes those needs aren't in line with yours. It is unrealistic to expect to live without some discord. In a healthy relationship, conflict—when used effectively—can bring you closer together by helping you work together to increase your empathy and understanding.
@expertadvice
4 Ways to Determine if You Have Self-Esteem Issues
Many who struggle with perpetual low self-esteem experience the situation as something that they simply have to tolerate and bear—as if it were a chronic health condition. The fact is finding the path to positive self-esteem is a skill people develop.
Do you struggle with low self-esteem? Here are 4 ways to find out.
1. You Rarely (if ever) Feel Unselfconscious: If you struggle with not feeling good enough, then you are likely hyper-attentive to how you come across to others. When in social interactions, you find yourself preoccupied with how others are perceiving you. And you tend toward consistently, negative, conclusions—“not smart enough,” “awkward,” “not funny,” “boring,” “unattractive.” As a result, it’s impossible to be comfortable in your own skin. You have to gear up for social outings and, yet, on your own you feel lonely and worthless. At the same time, you have a sense of invisibility as if others don’t really see you as you are. In a way, your instinct is correct. Being painfully self-conscious means you are preoccupied, not present. You are ill at ease, looking over your shoulder, waiting for the other shoe to drop and that leads others in your life to misunderstand you or fail to know you in a meaningful way.
2. You Hyper-Obsess About Your Relationships: Feeling unworthy means you essentially exist in an emotionally impoverished state. Deep down you believe you are unworthy. And you dread that others will inevitably discover your secret, flawed nature. So, you work overtime to protect the relationships you do have. Small conflicts or disagreement cause you big hardship. When relationships hit awkward or difficult periods, even if only slight, it feels to you that your entire world is caving in. So you work painstakingly to ensure that difficulties never arise. You back down too easily, you take responsibility when maybe you shouldn’t, and you are always the first to cave or to seek forgiveness.
3. When Setbacks Hit, You Self-Defeat: When you encounter the normative setbacks that all human’s experience—job loss, work strain, negative feedback, grief, loss, or financial hardship—your coping strategy is to blame yourself. You become so flooded by shame and negative thoughts about yourself that you are unable to take in valuable feedback or problem solve so as to mitigate the situation at hand. In this way, setbacks accumulate becoming more permanent and more defeating.
4. You’re Chronically Indecisive: You rarely have the feeling that you know exactly what to do—a kind of “know it in your bones” type of thing. Instead you self-doubt, analyze, and scrutinize all of your life’s decisions. In addition, you ask others around you for their opinions and overly solicit reassurance. Sometimes you see that your decisions don’t accurately reflect who you are, but your fear of making a mistake keeps you stuck in this pattern.
@expertadvice
🌱Things yoyr future self will thank you for.
You go along life either with some sort of intention or simply drifting with the tide. How do you plan for your future? Well, the answer is not just to look at where you want to be, but rather – who do I need to become, to live the life I always wanted. What kind of qualities, emotions and experiences would I like have on my journey?
Here are twelve things you can do today that your Future Self will Thank You for Later.
Your future depends on what you focus and practice today.
1. Invest In Yourself!
We spend time investing in relationships, and that’s good. However, don’t forget that investing time and money in yourself will have the biggest reward in your life. Take lessons that push you forward and out of your comfort zones .
2. Be Who You Really Are.
Too many times we allow ourselves to be defined by others or our career. (You might need help to figure this one out.) It takes a lot of insight and courage to be your authentic self.
3. Decide What Kind Of Life Do You Want.
Ask yourself “What changes do I need to make to live a life of happiness, meaning and love?” Those who do not change enough are left behind.
4. Stop Reliving The Past.
If you spend time in the past, that’s your future. Be a visionary, and believe that the best is yet to come.
5. Don’t Stop Learning!
First, you must learn how to LEARN. It’s not about taking in information, but applying it in your life. Learning without transformation is a waste of time.
6. Get Rid Of Life Clutter.
If you have unfinished projects, situations, relationships and they are important – finish or resolve them. Conclude anything that’s taking attention and energy away from your life.
7. Do Things That Successful People Do.
Find a person or a mentor who has been successful in your field, and find out what that person does on a daily basis. Successful people do things consistently. Be around high energy positive people. Success is not an accident; it’s a committed behavior.
8. Choose Who To Take With You On Your Path In Life.
Choosing the wrong partner or friend will ruin you. If there is someone in your life who makes you feel less, or destroys your dreams, get them off your path. Special friends, teachers and supporters are gifts to be highly valued.
9. Be Flexible.
Things will happen to you that you weren’t expecting. Not controlling but going with the flow, is the key to arriving at your future. You’ll never achieve things the way you thought it would occur. Trust the universe. Flexibility is key!
10. Let Others Help You.
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but strength.
The more you ask the stronger you will be!
11. Work On Improving Your Communication Skills.
How you communicate will determine your success in every part of your life. Be aware of the things you say and how it affects other people. Did they get your point? Make sure you are heard and people acknowledge you. For improving this skill, speak to as many different types of people as you can.
12. Gratitude.
Every morning give thanks to the universe for all the things that haven’t happened yet. If you do this emotionally, miracles will occur.
Know that you can always start a new. Whatever you have done in the past is not an indication of what you can do in your future.
You are not your current circumstance; you are who you could be. Dream big because… The Bigger the Dream – The Better the Life.
The best way to predict your future is to create it!
✍; Jerry
#powerwithinyou
9 Ways for You to Keep Your Personal Power
I often hear from people about which of the 13 things they struggle with the most. The second thing on my list—mentally strong people don't give away their power—is one of the hardest.
For example, a business executive confided that an associate always brings out the worst in him. A stay-at-home parent said her day hinges almost entirely on what type of mood her spouse is in. At some point, almost everyone has given someone else power over the way they think, feel, or behave.
Giving away your personal power robs you of mental strength. But maintaining control in your life requires that you make a conscious choice to take back your power. Before you can create positive change, you need to recognize the ways in which you give your power away.
Here are 9 ways to keep your personal power:
1. Don't waste energy complaining.
There's a big difference between complaining and problem-solving. Venting to your friends, family, and co-workers keeps you focused on the problem and prevents you from creating a solution. Grumbling implies that you have no power over your situation, and also shows that you lack power over your attitude.
2. Accept responsibility for how you feel.
Don't let other people's behavior dictate your emotions. Saying your mother-in-law makes you feel bad about yourself, or claiming that your boss makes you mad, suggests that they have power over how you feel. Instead, accept that it is up to you to manage your emotions, regardless of how others behave.
3. Establish healthy boundaries.
Giving in to guilt trips, or refusing to speak up for yourself, gives power to other people. Rather than blame them for wasting your time or "forcing" you to do something, recognize that you're in charge of yourself. Establish healthy physical and emotional boundaries that give you control over how you spend your time and with whom you spend it.
4.Practice forgiveness .
Holding a grudge against someone who has hurt you doesn't punish the other person—it only punishes you. When you waste valuable time thinking about a person you feel wronged you, it takes away your ability to enjoy the moment.
Forgiving someone is the best way to take back your power. But to be clear, forgiveness isn't about saying what the person did was OK. It's about choosing to let go of the hurt and anger that interferes with your ability to enjoy life.
5. Know your values.
When you're not clear what your values are, you're at risk of becoming a helpless passenger rather than a confident driver of own life. You'll be at risk of jumping on board with other people's ideas and may be easily led astray. Take back your power by acknowledging your values and living true to what's important to you.
6. Don't waste time on unproductive thoughts.
Have you ever come home from work and spent the entire evening wishing you didn't have to go back again tomorrow? Suddenly, you're giving your eight-hour workday 12 hours of your time. Take control over the thoughts that occupy your mind so you don't give more brainpower to areas of your life that don't deserve it.
7. Avoid language that implies you're a victim.
Saying things like, "I have to work 60 hours a week," or, "I had no choice but to say yes," infers that you're a victim of unfortunate circumstances. While there will certainly be consequences for the decisions you make, acknowledge that you always have choices.
8. Make your self-worth independent of other people's opinions.
If your self-worth depends on others holding you in high regard, you'll likely become a people-pleaser. Not everyone needs to like you, nor do they have to agree with your lifestyle. Evaluate the merit of criticism you receive, but never allow any one person's opinion determine your self-worth.
9. Be willing to stand out from the crowd.
Self-doubt and
How and Why You Should Keep Your Temper in Check
It never feels good to lose your temper.
It never feels good to lose your temper. Nothing can end a conversation or hurt a relationship as quickly and deeply as a few angry words uttered in the heat of the moment. You may feel like these outbursts are out of your control, or feel frustrated that you can’t keep them from happening so often. But no matter how frequently or to what extent you find yourself seeing red, you can take back the reigns from your more emotional side with patience, practice and a little empathy for yourself.
First, you’ll need to fight the urge to run from yourself, your feelings, and the kinds of situations that can cause you to get angry in the first place. It’s tempting to see your anger as an excuse to run an extra mile or take on an especially strenuous new work out at the gym. But even if these activities make you feel better in the moment, they won’t be able to prevent your anger from flaring up again. Recent studies also indicate that exercising while angry can be especially hard on your heart, perhaps creating more problems for you in the long run.
Now that you’re face-to-face with your anger there are two ways you can combat it: in the moment and in reflection.
In the moment your biggest obstacle will be recognizing your anger as it approaches and stopping or redirecting yourself before speaking or acting in ways you may regret. Make a promise to yourself that if you feel your heart begin to race , you’ll excuse yourself from the situation to get some mental room to consider why you’re feeling angry and how you’d like to respond. This technique and others like it are not always effective, acting more like a lifesaver for our rational selves than a sustainable method of anger management .
You’ll really begin to notice a change in your temperament when you start trying to prevent outbursts before they happen instead of just relying on your brain ’s emergency brakes. When you have a quiet moment to yourself, take the time to reflect on the non-verbal cues your body gives you when you’re about to lose your cool and make a plan ahead of time for how you’ll counteract your rising emotional tide.
Don’t forget to dig deeper, though, and consider why you’re feeling so angry in the first place. Make a list of the times you’ve blown your cool, including who was there and what you were arguing about. Can you pick up on any patterns? You may notice that you only seem to see red around certain people, or when you’re discussing certain subjects. While some amount of conflict is healthy and normal in any close relationship, something isn’t right if a loved one is constantly pushing your buttons.
Consider for a moment who you would be and what your life would be like if you rarely got angry or upset in response to someone else’s ugliness or an unexpected disappointment. At the end of the day we are human, not perfect, and it is ok to make mistakes so long as we learn from them and try to do better. Be patient with yourself as you begin to overcome your anger, understand where the feeling is coming from and heal the wounds left in its wake.👌🏻
Why its hard to walk away from a broken realationship
Have you ever had a friend who was obviously in a broken or dysfunctional relationship? Ever wondered why they stayed with a person they obviously needed to get away from? Relationships are difficult even in the best of times. They involve huge investments in time, money and emotions. Walking away from a long-term relationship can be excruciatingly painful to go through. The longer the relationship has been in existence, the harder it will be to leave and extricate yourself. Your emotions, finances and family are perhaps inextricably intertwined with the other person. So even when you leave, you will still have to see them in order to sort out joint finances or to visit with your kids.
Why It’s Hard to Walk Away From A Broken Relationship
Investment of Time
We have limited time here in our lives, as no one lives forever. When we commit to long-term relationships, we invest a lot of time into them. Building them together and maintaining them is time intensive – time we will never get back if the relationship fails. Also, if we leave or fail to stop our partner from leaving, we will be sacrificing time with our kids, time we spent building or upgrading our home so that it was just the way we liked it, and time working extra hours to make up for the loss in income or the burden of maintaining separate households.
You Still Care For Them
You may find it hard to walk away because you still have very strong feelings for them. The relationship may not be working, but that doesn’t mean you don’t still love them. These strong feelings may make it very difficult to leave long after you have realized intellectually that the relationship just isn’t working or that your partner isn’t a good fit for you.
Financial Concerns
You may own a home and likely a couple of cars together, not to mention phone plans and other bills we take for granted every month. You may also have joint bank accounts or joint investments together. If you split up these, they will all have to be sorted out and can be incredibly difficult and time consuming to separate. Your partner may also not have an income if they gave up their career or education in order to start a family, which means that when you split, they will have to get a job and it may not pay very much. If you both are working, you may have to pay for childcare now which can be enormously expensive. The legal paperwork to split up can get hideously expensive if you are living on a tight budget already. Some people may just decide it is cheaper to stay together than to incur the increased cost of splitting up.
Kids
If you have kids and you love them, it can be extremely difficult to give up time with them. The thought of only seeing them every other weekend or not being able to spend holidays with them might be enough reason for people to stay where they are rather than leave a broken relationship. You may not want to leave your kid alone with your spouse if the reason you are leaving is because they are mentally or emotionally unstable. Child custody battles can drain you emotionally and ruin you financially. There is a very good reason so many couples stay together until the kids move out of the house or graduate high school.
Public Perception
Breakups can lead to awkward conversations with friends and family. If you are in a high profile and public position at work, you might even be exposed to news coverage about your relationship troubles. It might be very important to you how others perceive you, even if it is just your friends and family or people you work or attend church with. You may share friends with your partner, and if the relationship tanks, you might lose friendships over it. Or, perhaps you are just a proud and private person and don’t want to invite the humiliation of admitting your relationship is broken. Instead, you maintain the facade that everything is fine and working properly to the outside world, even though you and your partner have long since split apart in all but
Become so good you can't be ignored
You’re either horrible or miserable.
Woody Allen has this joke in “Annie Hall.”
He says, “Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That’s the two categories.”
“The horrible are terminal cases. You know? And blind people, crippled… I don’t know how they get through life… It’s amazing to me.”
“And the miserable is everyone else.”
“So you should be thankful that you’re miserable. Because that’s very lucky… to be miserable.”
I guess I’m one of the lucky ones. We complain about getting older or not having a passion, etc.
“In relatively recent history—we’re talking the 1980s and later—we got convinced into believing we all have a capital P ‘Passion,’” Cal Newport said.
Cal Newport is a tenured professor at Georgetown. He majored in computer science.
So did I.
I wasn’t born to podcast. Or write. Or be a father. I was just born…
And I have eyes.
So I see what other people are doing.
I have ears. So I hear who’s winning. And then my brain asks, “Why am I here?”
“People believe if we look inside ourselves and discover what our passion is, we’ll be happy. I studied this question in the book and that’s not how it happens,” Cal said. “Passion comes later.”
First you have to “become so good you can’t be ignored…”
1. Start with an interest
Steve Martin reinvented stand-up. He told jokes without punchlines. And let the tension linger. He didn’t start with a passion for comedy.
You start with an interest.
I never thought, “Interviewing prostitutes at 3 a.m. is my passion.” But I got good at it.
I was curious.
And I’m still asking questions today.
2. Build career capital
Cal did a study. He found a database developer who became too good to be ignored. And used that as leverage.
“She got into the computer industry with no background. At every stage, she said, ‘What would be valuable here?’”
Now she spends four-six months working in her cubicle job. And the other six four-six months in Thailand.
Acquire career capital. And leverage it. This is how you get autonomy in the workplace.
“It’s what lets you get a sense of mastery, ” Cal said. “It’s what makes you get a sense of impact, and this is where passion actually comes from.”
3. Focus on rare and valuable skills
The first food truck was a pretzel stand. It had wheels and food.
Now Michelin-star chefs have food trucks and pop-up shops. They didn’t learn how to make pretzels. Or follow the trend. They used rare and valuable skills to innovate the market.
I built websites in the ‘90s. That was my first company. But as soon as I heard my eighth-grade sister was learning coding in school, I sold the company.
Coding was no longer rare and valuable. And competition was about to explode.
Control competition and you’ll control the market.
4. Get to the cutting edge of an industry
Mastery leads to passion, not the other way around.
You weren’t “born” to invent the next iPhone. Nobody was. Even the people inventing the next iPhone weren’t born to invent the next iPhone.
“Innovations don’t come at the very start of your journey.”
You have to get to the cutting edge, learn what’s missing, identify room for growth and innovate.
5. Do deep work
Deep work is the process of becoming great.
“It requires hard, hard focus and pushes your skill to its limit.”
It’s what you do to become the best in your field. And discover holes in your organization. Or in the planet. It’s how you create ride-sharing, social networking, Google maps underwater.
6. Or don’t…
I asked Cal, “Do you think most people actually want to be really good at something? Or do most people just want to have more time off to just do nothing?”
I don’t set goals. Or evaluate my growth.
If I can support the growth of other people , cheer them on, smile and say, “Congratulations on getting up today,” then the window gets bigger.
Maybe success isn’t “being so good you can’t be ignored.” Maybe it’s being so good you can’t ignore others.
This is what works for me. This is my deep work.👌🏻
hat Can Change Your Life, Bryon Katie
In this life and perspective-altering book, Bryon Katie (a woman) introduces us to what she calls "The Work."
The Work is simply four questions that, when applied to a specific problem, enable you to see what is troubling you in an entirely different light. As Katie says, “It’s not the problem that causes our suffering; it’s our thinking about the problem.”
In the book, she shows you step-by-step, with clear and vivid examples, exactly how to use this revolutionary process for dealing with your own "stuff" and limiting beliefs to see how our perceptions don't always reflect reality.
As we learn to apply The Work, we become less attached to our negative beliefs, fears, and entrenched ideas and more free to live peacefully and with contentment by accepting "what is."
10. Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, by Kristen Neff
Says Neff on the back cover of her book, "Our ultracompetitive culture tells us we need to be constantly above average to feel good about ourselves, but there is always someone more attractive, successful, or intelligent than we are."
So what is the antidote to this compulsion to be better, even when it leads to depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem? It's self-compassion. According to Neff's research, people who are compassionate toward their failings and imperfections experience greater well-being than those who repeatedly judge themselves.
Neff provides a lot of personal stories and exercises for the reader to make the concepts more applicable and relatable. Self-compassion can be learned and practiced in everyday life.
11. 201 Relationship Questions: The Couple's Guide to Building Trust and Emotional Intimacy, by Barrie Davenport
Mutual questioning is a powerful technique for your love relationship to draw out deeper emotions and desires and address potential areas of conflict before they disrupt your closeness.
The right questions inspire understanding, compassion and action for positive change. Questions like: • What does unconditional love mean to you? • Do I do anything to make you feel disrespected? • How can I listen to you better so you feel completely heard? • What should I never say to you, even in anger?
When you and your partner embark on a mutual questioning journey with this book, you are committing to an intimate, satisfying, joyful life together. Rather than waiting for conflict and resentment to inflict a surprise attack, you’re proactively addressing the needs and wounds both of you carry and reinforcing your commitment to the relationship above all else.
12. Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, by Harville Hendrix, PhD
One of the best relationship books I've ever read. Hendrix and his wife originated Imago Relationship Therapy, a unique healing process for couples, prospective couples, and parents.
Imago therapy is a philosophy for eliminating all negativity from couples’ daily interactions by replacing confrontation and criticism with a healing process of mutual growth and support.
He provides a series of exercises between couples to help them communicate with greater accuracy and sensitivity, release self-defeating behaviors, and focus energy on meeting each other's needs.
This is a must read for any couple who wants to move past the power struggles, blame, and conflict to a more fulfilling and mutually satisfying connection.
The post 12 Self-Help Books To Help You Take Control Of Your Happiness appeared first on Live Bold and Bloom.
➖ @expertadvice ➖
Live Bold and Bloom
12 Self-Help Books To Help You Take Control Of Your Happiness
Raise your hand if you agree: self-help books have changed your life.
If you have the slightest interest in becoming a better person, evolving through self-awareness, and finding your personal path to happiness, then it's likely self-help books have impacted your journey for the better.
Granted there are some wackadoodle books out there that have you wishing on stars and rubbing crystals without much real help.
But there are hundreds of self-help books that have shifted my perspective, created many "aha" moments, lifted me up when I was in a funk, and even changed the direction of my life.
I know without a doubt that the only person in the world who controls your happiness is YOU. And I also know that self-help books are essential tools in making the changes and taking the actions once you seize that control.
Whatever challenge you are going through or dream you're trying to reach, you'll find a wellspring of resources and guidance simply by scanning the self-help section of Amazon. Here are 12 self-help books that can help you take control of your happiness:
1. The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want, by Sonja Lyubomirsky
This book was a game-changer for me because the author based all of her happiness recommendations on years of groundbreaking research that she conducted.
She reveals how much happiness is in our control, and the 12 actions we can take to improve our levels of happiness. It is well-written, engaging, and highly readable.
The book includes happiness strategies, exercises in new ways of thinking, and quizzes for understanding our individuality
2. Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
It's really hard to be unhappy when you are deeply focused and engaged in something you feel passionate about. That feeling of being so engaged in what you are doing that time disappears and you are one with the activity is what the author defines as a state of "flow."
During flow, people typically experience deep enjoyment, creativity, and a total involvement with life, and as these author states, this is an "optimal experience." Fortunately, it's not an experience that just happens randomly.
You can create these flow states by intentionally engaging in activities that are interesting, slightly challenging, and completely absorbing. Add more of these flow activities to your life, and you'll be a much happier person. Csikszentmihalyi (don't even try to pronounce it) gives some fascinating examples of people who have done just that.
3. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, by Carol Dweck
I was fortunate enough to interview Carol Dweck for my Sticky Habits Course when I discovered her groundbreaking work on achievement and success.
Carol explains why it’s not just our abilities and talent that bring us success—but whether we approach them with a fixed or growth mindset. A growth mindset is one where you see yourself as fluid, a work in progress, and capable of positive growth and change.
Even if you currently have a fixed mindset, you can change it to create more happiness and success in life. In the book, she gives you a checklist to help you determine your mindset, and she offers some skills and activities to improve your mindset and change your life.
4. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, by Brene Brown
It's nearly impossible to be happy when you're focused on your flaws. Fortunately, Brene Brown, PhD, not only gives up permission to be flawed, but she instructs us to celebrate our imperfections.
Brene is a leading expert on shame, authenticity and belonging, shares what she's learn[...]
ing, mostly likely at this very moment you are safe, and those are just the basics. There is a lot more to be thankful for.
“We have thousands of opportunities every day to be grateful: for having good weather, to have slept well last night, to be able to get up, to be healthy, to have enough to eat. . . There’s opportunity upon opportunity to be grateful; that’s what life is.” – David Steindl-Rast
Just as each day has its joys, each day also has its struggles. When our lives are missing gratitude for the small things, these struggles can hit us harder.
A positive and thankful mindset, however, will build up our resilience for when we are faced with the daily disappointments.
[Post: The Present Moment-10 Ways to Be Happy Now] Here are ten small things to appreciate and enjoy along with a few strategies to get the most out of each of them.
1. Home
Take a look around your home with fresh eyes.
Notice the sentimental objects and think about the meaning behind them.
Perhaps there are souvenirs on display from past adventures or that have been given to you as gifts by friends or family members.
Look through old photos and reminisce about the meaningful moments you have had the good fortune to experience throughout your life.
2. Food
Choose a snack or meal to experience with all your senses. Think about what you’re doing while you are preparing the food and listen to the sounds.
Appreciate the amazing transformation from single ingredients into a meal. Really look at your food before you eat it and notice the colors.
Smell its delicious aroma. Put a bite into your mouth and register the temperature, mouthfeel, and combination of flavors.
3. Relationships
Simple expressions of love between us and our friends, family or romantic partners go a long way.
Take note when your friend gives you a compliment, your mom brings over a plate of brownies, or your partner washes the dishes.
Remember to appreciate these gestures, say thank you, and show love in return.
4. Children
If you have children of your own, nieces and nephews, or friends’ kids to spend time with, take note of how children play.
They epitomize living in the moment and enjoying the small things. Young children engage fully in what they are doing.
Plus, they can be as happy playing with a newfangled electronic toy as they are playing with a box or some kitchen utensils. They can certainly teach us adults a thing or two.
5. Nature
Get outside. We so rarely stop and smell the roses, as they say. You could go for a hike through the forest, take a stroll alongside a lake, or have a seat in a park.
Really look around you and notice the beauty there is. The blue of the sky, the formations of clouds, the vibrant plants, or the skittering animals are all pretty amazing when we actually take the time to observe.
6. Music
Put on a piece of music and do nothing else while you listen.
You can even close your eyes. Notice how the melodies and harmonies intertwine. Can you pick out different instruments?
Think about the meaning behind the lyrics of a song. Depending on your choice of music, I’m betting you will get goose bumps from the experience.
7. Clothes
This may sound a little superficial, but what we wear really can affect how we feel.
Perhaps a sharp suit helps you feel empowered. Maybe a slinky dress gives you a confidence boost.
Brightly colored shoes may radiate joy for you. Or an old, oversized sweater could bring you comfort.
Think about the way your clothing impacts your mindset and put on something that helps you feel good.
8. Breath
We breathe without even thinking about it, so have you realized how amazing it is?
Breathing brings oxygen to our body and its organs while removing toxins. It calms the body and mind. It releases tension and keeps us healthy by doing so much more.
Take five deep, mindful breaths and focus on al[...]
Maybe being single doesn’t have to mean being lonely; I mean, what about those friends and family we’ve been neglecting? Can you remember the last time you called your parents or made plans to meet up and catch up? Maybe your friends miss you and want to see you soon. We pine for a lover, but we put our other loved ones on the back burner. Take the time being single to deepen your relationship with everyone else in your life. They won’t be around forever, so relish in the time you have together now.👌🏼
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g from your thoughts and observing them without judgment. 2. Practice gratitude for the good in your life. When I asked my friends to do this, I stopped hearing from them.
I was a sounding board for their misery and misery loves company. But I no longer wanted to stay in that state of mind.
I started a practice of gratitude journaling in November of last year and continue it to this day. It has made a huge difference in relieving my own worry thoughts.
The practice of gratitude isn't just a feel-good platitude. "Study after study reinforces how profoundly expressions of gratitude positively impact your health, your moods, and your relationships," says Barrie in a post on the topic. "Several studies have shown how depression is relieved by expressing gratitude."
Keeping a gratitude journal is a great way to keep your mind off your worries and reinforce how much in your life is going well.
When you write about your feelings of gratitude, take a moment to focus on the feelings and savor them. Soak your brain in these positive feelings so they absorb any negativity than might be lingering in your psyche.
During your daily activities, become more mindful of all of the good around you -- the people you care about, the food on the table, the beauty of nature. You'll feel even more grateful if you ponder life without these important people and things. 3. Practice yoga and meditation.
Some people confuse yoga with being flexible. While yoga does help with flexibility, and it certainly helped me start moving again, it also centers you in the present moment.
As someone who lives with pain, I have found the practice of yoga extremely beneficial in relieving my pain and my worry about it.
I focus only on the yoga pose in front of me and have moved beyond my pain to what I am now able to accomplish -- movements that were not possible a year ago.
Yoga encompasses a broad range of exercises, from intense cardiovascular movements to relaxingly meditative poses that require focus and concentration.
Says Valencia Porter, M.D., director of integrative medicine at the Chopra Center, "With yoga, we can also release stress and tension that accumulates in our body. An increased sense of self-awareness that can be attained by practicing yoga and meditation can also help us understand how we respond to the cycle of natural rhythms through the day."
Yoga is a form of moving meditation in which your body and mind are deeply interconnected with each movement, exercise, or pose.
However, meditation alone can be practiced at any time and in any location. You don't have to practice yoga to enjoy the benefits of meditation.
Meditation is simply a way of clearing your mind by anchoring yourself to the present moment. You anchor yourself through attention to breathing.
I focus on the breath even if it’s only three breaths. Clear the mind, breathe in. Feel your lungs expand, release and breathe out. Repeat three times.
When you first begin a meditation practice, you mind will wander to your worry thoughts, as well as a variety of other thoughts that happen to float by.
Don't resist the thoughts. Simply notice them and return your attention to your breathing. Over time, increase the number of breaths and the time you focus on them. 4. Exercise every day.
Exercise is one of the best cures for worry you will ever find.
It releases the endorphins we need to start feeling good again.
Walking, riding a bike, getting on a treadmill, sit ups, and even chair yoga at your desk all can help you focus again on the task at hand instead of the worry.
Exercise not only makes you feel better physically, but also it improves your self-esteem, confidence, and overall mood. When we're in a positive frame of mind, we just don't worry as much.
Pick an exercise that you enjoy and that feels comfortable for your fitness level. I love Barrie's recommendations about [...]
Live Bold and Bloom
How To Fall Asleep Fast With 10 Surprising Techniques
I went through a phase of many months in which I couldn’t fall asleep. I’d be completely exhausted, but once the lights were out and my head hit the pillow, my mind and body couldn’t relax enough to fall asleep. It sometimes took several hours before I finally drifted off. A few times, I was... Continue Reading
The post How To Fall Asleep Fast With 10 Surprising Techniques appeared first on Live Bold and Bloom.
➖ @expertadvice ➖
Do It Now
Never take time for granted--life can change in the blink of an eye.
What’s on your bucket list?
Don’t have one? Shame.
To me, life is like going to the grocery store. If you don’t have a list before you go, you end up leaving without the stuff you want and with a load of stuff you don’t want.
We all have our hopes and dreams. Maybe it’s a trip you want to take, a book you want to write, a song you want to sing, a skill you want to learn, or a relationship you want to heal.
The problem is that we’re always thinking, I’ll get to it later; I’ve got time.
Newsflash: Never take time for granted.
The book of Proverbs says, “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.” And if you need further proof, just look at our daily headlines. Life can change in the blink of an eye.
The sad thing is that we waste so much of life’s fleeting moments by doing things like complaining. We complain about our parents and then miss the precious years we have left with them. We complain about our kids, and in the blink of an eye, they’re grown and gone. We complain about getting old and taint the years we still have to enjoy life. We can complain our way through an entire life. And then it’s gone—never to return.
A friend of mine adopted a dog from the local shelter. It was a very cute Collie/Labrador Retriever mix that was within days of being euthanized. After the paperwork was done, she took him home and immediately named him “Just-in” for just in time.
Just-in’s story is our story, too. Maybe you feel stuck in a dead-end job. Maybe you’ve let your relationship fizzle out. Maybe you feel your dreams have faded or your sense of joy has disappeared.
Many of us are walking this earth physically alive but dead of spirit, operating at the level of our social security number—existing but not living.
But time is ticking . . .
Whatever is important to you, whatever you feel passionate about doing in this life, don’t take time for granted. Don’t waste the gift you’ve been given.
Figure out what’s top on your list . . . and do it now.
@expertadvice
7 Steps to Resolving Conflict With a Passive-Aggressive
Most people are afraid of conflict in their relationship. No one really enjoys getting into arguments with a partner. But some people find conflict more terrifying than others, and a passive-aggressive person is deathly afraid of conflict.
When you're the partner of someone who behaves in a passive-aggressive way, it can feel like you're locked in an endless dance of anger and frustration. Over my years as a marriage therapist, I've tried and tested many ways to resolve conflicts and have come up with 7 battle-tested steps to resolving conflicts with a passive-aggressive partner.
In order for any conflict-resolution strategy to work, you must come to it from a place of empathy for the person who is passive-aggressive, so first let's learn a bit about the trait.
Like most emotional responses, our attitudes about conflict begin in our childhood. If the conflict your partner saw at home as a kid involved open expressions of anger—and sometimes violence—your partner's experience has taught them that conflict means someone will get hurt. If, instead of outward expressions of uncontrolled anger, your partner's family did the opposite and avoided conflict at all costs, your partner likely never learned how to fight fair—meaning, they never learned that conflicts can be productive tools.
Healthy conflict doesn't only resolve a dispute, but it can also build understanding and compassion in relationships.
For people who rely on passive-aggressive behavior to get their needs met, their biggest fear is that any overt disagreement will lead to the end of a relationship. Your partner is likely anxious and doesn't want to tell you directly how they feel because of fear about how you may react. Your partner is scared that you will abandon or divorce them if they assertively express their needs and desires.
Now you know where passive-aggressiveness comes from, here are my 7 steps to resolving conflicts with a passive-aggressive partner:
1. Cool down.
If you approach your partner when you're in the throes of an angry emotional reaction, no good will come of it; your partner will just shut down. Take some time to breathe and cool down, examine your anger, and gain control of your emotion before you proceed. Seriously. Take time on this step. Things tend to go wrong when people try to resolve conflicts while they're emotionally activated.
2. Discuss.
Talk to your partner about exactly what the problem is. Both of you should define the problem from your own point of view. You want to make sure the conversation you think you're having is the conversation you're actually having. Don't try to read your partner's mind.
3. Brainstorm.
Work together to come up with ideas and options for solving your problem. Make a list of all the possible solutions—include ones you don't like, ones your partner might not like, and ones that sound crazy but could maybe, possibly work. Throw it all out there.
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4. Pros and cons.
Now that you've got your list of ideas for solutions, go through your list and discuss the pros and cons of them. Talk about what you like about the ideas and what you don't like. In the discussion you might even come up with more ideas!
5. Win-win.
Choose the solution that works best for both parties. Have the intention that everyone wins, or at least no one loses. The win-win solution is the best one, but obviously that's not always realistic in every conflict.
6. Execute the solution.
Put your idea into practice and see what happens. Be sure to give it time; change isn't immediate.
7. Evaluate the solution.
Come back after you've tried out the solution for a little while (you might want to agree on a date to discuss it in advance). Did it work? What, if anything, might you do better next time?
Why You Keep Choosing Unhealthy Relationships
Take this "Relationship Test" and solve the mystery
It’s a long held belief by psychotherapists that the relationships you choose reflect your inner most feelings about yourself. For example, if you don’t value yourself, your friends won’t either. They won’t think twice about standing you up, phoning in last minute cancellations or forgetting you entirely. They don’t consider your feelings or needs. Don’t blame them; they just mirror your low opinion of yourself.
Hold on tight — it gets worse. If you’re self-critical or disparaging, you invite unsolicited advice, criticism and discouraging comments. When it comes to relationships, you get what you believe you’re worth.
Why You Put Up with Bad Relationships
As long as personal insecurities dominate you, so will unhealthy relationships. The more insecure you feel about yourself, the more you’ll settle for less than you deserve.
Three reasons you may tolerate unhealthy relationships are:
Low Self-Esteem: you rationalize your partner's lackluster behavior because you don’t know that you deserve better.
Fear of Loneliness: you harbor fears of abandonment and isolation, so you accept your friends’ shoddy conduct.
You're a Caretaker: you neglect your own needs; caring for others is the only way you feel valued.
The Healthy Relationship Test
Try this simple test: after meeting with someone, take a quick emotionally inventory. Ask yourself these three questions:
Do I feel lighter?
Do I feel encouraged?
Do I feel valued?
If you answered yes to all three questions, that relationship is a keeper. Keep in mind that even good friends have bad days; it’s okay to give them a pass now and then. But if a relationship consistently leaves you feeling disheartened, bogged down with disappointments, dashed expectations, or score keeping favors, it's time to move on.
Friends that Grow Together, Stay Together
Only when friends evolve and grow together do relationships withstand the test of time. A healthy relationships is a constant source of inspiration, a person that you can always turn to for support, someone who will champion you in a heartbeat.
So if a relationship often leaves you feeling unappreciated and neglected, ask yourself how you may be enabling that person's treatment of you. Challenge yourself and speak up. You'll learn that saying no to unhealthy relationships opens the door to healthier and more rewarding ones.
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