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🍁 Here's a financial adviser's best advice on what to do if you live with someone who loves to spend money
You don't have to be a Freudian psychoanalyst to realize that money problems in a relationship are rarely just about money. Often they stem from differences in the partners' core values, their experiences growing up, and their deepest insecurities.
So if you're in a relationship with someone who's constantly blowing cash, know that resolving the issue will require both financial changes and some probing of each other's psyches.
I spoke to Don Cloud, president and founder of Cloud Financial Inc. , who said he frequently works with clients facing this problem.
Recently he counseled a couple in which the husband, who was self-employed and highly successful, felt his wife, who had stayed home to help facilitate his success, was overspending. Eventually, Cloud helped them get to the bottom of it: The wife felt jealous of her husband's success and spending money made her feel better about it.
Having realized this, the couple was able to create a new budget and set up a discretionary spending account for the wife, so that they started saving an additional $2500 a month.
If you and your partner are facing similar issues, Cloud outlined a five-step plan to help you tackle them head-on:
1. Share your beliefs about money
"You can't resolve anything if there's no communication between the couple," Cloud said. Which is why the first thing to do is to start asking questions.
"Find out exactly what it is that your significant other believes about money. Some people believe it should be used as a resource for happiness, while others believe it should be used some for needs, some for fun, and some put back for a rainy day."
Next, share your own feelings and beliefs. Whatever you do, Cloud said, don't be accusatory — as in, "Your spending problem is the reason we're in this financial state."
Armed with knowledge of each other's beliefs and feelings, which are driving your financial behavior, you'll be in a better position to reach a compromise.
2. Create a budget
"Oftentimes we can find money literally leaking through the cracks of our households just by making a budget ," Cloud said. Together, the couple can curb any frivolous expenditures.
This step typically helps the "saver" partner feel more comfortable because now the couple is starting to save more, Cloud said.
As for the "spender" partner, in some cases they might get a discretionary spending account — funds specifically designated for personal purchases — as in the example above.
3. Regulate your spending
This step involves cutting back on those unnecessary expenditures — not necessarily eliminating them entirely. Maybe that means dining out one night less per week or reducing the amount you spend on a particular hobby.
Knowing that you're within a budget when you make these purchases "makes people feel better about it when they do spend the money," Cloud said.
4. Track your long-term financial goals
After steps 1-3, Cloud said, usually some excess income begins to build up. Now it's time to allocate that income to a specific goal, like retirement or college savings .
"The one that's historically been the spender — they get excited because they start to think in different terms," Cloud said. In other words, it's no longer about being denied a fancy new coat, but being able to finance their hopes and dreams.
5. Monitor your spending
As your income and priorities evolve, tweak your budget accordingly. It's important to continue communicating with your partner to make sure you're always on the same page.
o your personal space. Having strong boundaries with your space is a sign of confidence and self-esteem.
Do you feel on edge and threatened when someone “gets into your face”? This happens when someone violates your personal space, and you don't need to apologize for finding that unacceptable.
Don’t allow people to step into this space for the sake of being liked or tolerated. Occupy your personal space with confidence, and feel safe and protected within the limits you set for yourself.
11. Getting emotional.
What would humans be without emotions? I can’t imagine a world without love, passion, acceptance, happiness, sadness, grief, and all the other emotions we experience.
Those who can't accept your emotions have a hard time dealing with vulnerability and honesty. They feel uncomfortable with the power of emotions (both good and bad) and the strong feelings your emotions might foster in them.
You might be tempted to suppress your emotions or apologize for them around these people. This is especially true in cultures where revealing your feelings is a sign of weakness.
However, a suppressed emotion in one area of your life often comes up in another area — sometimes with devastating consequences. Suppressed emotions can appear as depression, anxiety, and anger. Suppressed emotions can even cause physical illness.
Rather than allowing other people to determine when and how you express your feelings, surround yourself with people who are accepting and supportive of your feelings.
12. Offering more time and energy to those people that make you happy.
It is your prerogative to surround yourself with those people who make you feel good about yourself — those who love, appreciate, respect and accept you as you are.
Any relationship you have needs nurturing and attention. That's why it's so important to surround yourself with people who merit the time and energy required of a real and intimate connection.
However, we often feel obligated to spend time with family, neighbors, work associates, and others who might be toxic and unpleasant simply because we "should."
But why give away your precious time to people like this? You have the choice to spend your time with people who uplift you rather than drain you. Never apologize for making that choice.
13. Following your purpose with intent.
Success doesn't happen randomly. It requires seeking out your purpose and goals in life and acting on them to make them real.
Allow yourself to stay focused on your purpose. Follow your dreams and aspirations free of any feelings of guilt or self-judgement.
You are in charge of your success and well-being; no one else can do it for you. There will be many people in your life who think they know what's best for you. Don't allow their opinions to make you feel guilty or confused about your purpose and dreams.
Stay true to yourself without apology.
14. Where you come from.
You had no say in where you were born or who your parents were. You have many choices in life, but where and how you life begins is not your choice.
Some of us feel shame or guilt about our family of origin. We might feel we need to apologize for having too much or for not measuring up in some way.
But just like a running race, you don't get to choose the lane to run on. You can train and improve your skill and become a winner despite an unfavorable lane. It is not the start that defines you; it is the path you take towards the finish line.
Author Bio
Carmen Jacob is the creator of several self improvement guides, courses, and books which focus on using what you already have to improve your life and the life of those around you. She believes that people are good by nature and given the knowledge and the opportunity, they will realize how extraordinary and capable they are.
14 Things You Should Never Apologize For
Can you count how many times you’ve said "Sorry" today? Do you remember what for you said it?
Chances are you’ve said you're sorry for many things that you don’t even remember doing.
Saying "I'm sorry" and apologizing for things that aren't completely your fault is not a bad thing. It doesn't make you weak or a pushover. On the contrary, the ability to apologize is a positive human trait.
It is one of the building blocks of emotional intelligence and reflects strong interpersonal skills. When you say you're sorry, it doesn't necessarily mean you're accepting blame for a situation.
Rather, it is a way of acknowledging that the other person was hurt in some way, regardless of whose fault was.
That said, there are things that you can say "I'm sorry" for that don't require an apology.
There are some situations in life that can hurt or offend other people but that are necessary for your own happiness, personal growth, or self-esteem.
Making decisions or taking actions that hurt others doesn't make you a bad person or uncaring. It shows that you care about yourself enough to make difficult choices when they are in your best interest. Here 14 things you should never have to apologize for, even if you decide to say "I'm sorry."
1. Making a positive change in your life or yourself. Positive change should be rewarded, not punished. However, many people around you don't want you to change, even if the change is clearly better for you. Good or bad, they want you to remain the same.
Why? Because it is easier for them. They know what to expect from you. They know how to respond to you and what can be asked from you. You are predictable, and the boundaries between you and them are quite clear, even if they are not always fair for both parties.
Therefore, stand firm in your right to change. It is not only your responsibility, but it's your right as well.
Yes, some people will have a hard time to adjusting to change, but they can adjust eventually if they are willing. You can feel sorry that you've upset them, but you don't need to apologize for making change that is right for you.
2. Leaving behind people who don’t allow you to change.
It is a big thing to ask someone to adjust to your life changes. However, those that stubbornly insist on keeping you tied to the status quo don’t deserve a place in your life.
Their anger, passive aggressive behaviors, or disappointment in you will only undermine your relationship and make you feel resentment.
Don’t apologize for letting go of people who are unwilling to bend with your changes. Move on, but leave your door open in case they have a change of heart in the future.
Just as you have grown and changed, they might also.
3. Being who you are.
To become the person you are today, you had to expend a lot of energy, hardship, work, passion, dedication, and love.
Who you are today rests on your past experiences, and some of those experiences may not reflect the best in you. We are all in the process of "becoming," and part of that process means we make mistakes along the way.
You may not be the person you want to be right now, but that's OK because you are a work in progress. You are fine just the way you are -- even if you aren't perfect.
You don't need to apologize for who you are. Have compassion for who you are today, and allow yourself to be even better tomorrow.
4. Saying "No" to things that are harmful to you or your interests.
You are allowed to stand up for yourself. You can be assertive and say "No," even if it offends other people.
You don't have to follow along or accept a situation simply because someone wants you too -- especially if your safety, well-being, or integrity might be jeopardized. Remember that you are the guardian of YOU.
It's fine[...]
10 Steps To Fix A Broken Relationship
It was the day I had always dreamed of—I had just gotten engaged to the love of my life. Of course I called my parents and my siblings to tell them the exciting news. Next, the person I really wanted to call was my best friend—only, we had recently fallen out. We weren’t really talking anymore.... Continue Reading
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10 Ways To Cultivate Emotional Maturity
If you’ve ever hung around a toddler or a teenager for any length of time, you know what emotional immaturity looks like. If the toddler doesn’t get her way, she might scream, stomp, and fall on the floor in a fit of rage and frustration. Toddlers have very few filters preventing them from expressing their... Continue Reading
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Do You Lack Social Skills? 20 Basics You Need To Master
One of my earliest memories is one when I was about five years old, having Sunday lunch with my sister and mother. We were all dressed up for church, and afterward, my mom had taken us to a “white tablecloth” restaurant. She was teaching us how to cut meat, holding the fork and knife properly,... Continue Reading
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Relationship Help: 10 Ways To Keep Your Love Evergreen
Love is all about accepting your other half with all their flaws and imperfections. The true essence of relationships lies in the small gestures of love and intimacy that are made from both sides. As inconsequential as they may seem at first, these gestures are actually the foundations of a strong and lasting relationship that’s... Continue Reading
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10 Ways To Deal With A Control Freak
I used to be a control freak. Everything in my life had to be perfect. From a young age, I had to be the best pupil in the class at school. If I wasn’t getting the best grades then I would worry. The teachers couldn’t understand my concerns. It was just me being me. I... Continue Reading
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💢 Say Yes! To Failing: How To Stop Avoiding Failure
How many people love to fail?
Is that *crickets* I hear?
One of the biggest things that holds people back from achieving their dreams is a fear of failure. This fear is powerful - it can motivate you to spend a lot of time and a lot of money trying to figure out how you can possibly reach your goals without failing.
On the surface, that sounds reasonable, right? Who wants put in all the effort to fail at their big dream?
On social media, any type of bungle or "missing the mark" is immortalized as a #fail or #epicfail.
In a climate like this, why would you ever choose to fail?
If a failure happens, you can go online and find lots of information that claims to help you get past failure.
But all the strategies in the world aren't going to make a difference if you don't get to the root of the problem because the root is what's driving your reaction to failure. You wouldn't need millions of options on how to recover from failure if failure weren't a problem.
So, why is failure a problem?
Why is failure something we need to overcome?
Why do we try so hard to avoid it?
Let's look a little deeper at failure...
The definition of failure is not meeting a desired or intended objective.
Something didn't turn out as we expected. That doesn't sound so problematic. And yet many people will aim low or not try at all in order to avoid failing.
Here's the thing: we avoid failure because we don't like the way it feels. We want to avoid the negative emotions that are associated with failing - like feeling disappointed, embarrassed, irresponsible, incapable, weak, or worthless (to name a few).
But this is where it gets interesting. These feelings that are associated with failure? They aren't caused by the situation you're in, they are caused your thinking.
If you take some action and you get a result and the result is not what you wanted, what happens next is you make it mean something. You have a belief about what it means when the result is not your intended outcome.
You may not be aware of the thoughts that are creating the emotions, only that
1) Not meeting an expectation happens
2) You feel crappy
And because you don't want to feel the feelings that come up in #2, you do whatever you can to avoid #1.
This is the root of our fear of failure: we make not meeting an objective to mean something that hurts, and we want to avoid feeling the uncomfortable emotions that come up.
Because our thinking creates the emotions, we're avoiding something that we're actually the cause of.
There's a story about Thomas Edison that illustrates the difference that framing failure makes.
Something you can welcome?
How can you think about failure as something to move toward instead of something to move away from?
Failure is a skill to develop. If you're good at falling down and getting back up, you'll be confident going into new situations because you know you'll be OK no matter what happens.
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Meet with others,speak up your mind and share anonymously,after all no one cares to know your real identity but everyone cares to get ideas from others. Chat without fear.
Join Anonymous Expert Chat
This idea is pretty awesome!
So this is how it works. join chat by starting Anonymous chat and you are done!
Dont worry this is another chat but everyone in the chat goes anonymous(no using real names but you can change your name using /nick though).
You will chat as you can do in normal groups.
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🌟 Do This One Thing Before You Get Up Every Morning
#health #productivity
This simple exercise can change your thought patterns and make you happier.
Want to feel happier, emotionally healthier, and more optimistic? When you first wake up in the morning, think of three things you're grateful for.
You've heard a lot about gratitude this week. Gratitude makes you happier, more resilient, more likeable, and can literally add years to your life. You know gratitude is good for you. But how do you add more gratitude to your life? If you're not already feeling grateful, how do you start?
If you find this difficult, you're a lot like me. I tend to focus on the things I worry about rather than those that make me happy. That doesn't make us bad or pessimistic people, it just makes us human. Because noticing threats quickly was key to our ancestors' survival, the human brain is literally better at paying attention to what's bad rather than what's good. Don't blame yourself if you have a negative outlook--blame evolution.
But that negative outlook doesn't always serve us well in the modern world, so it's worth doing something to change it. Change begins with a simple practice, one of the very few I've found I can stick with over time because it only takes a few seconds and you do it every single day.
First thing in the morning, when you first open your eyes, or realize that you're awake, list three things to yourself that you feel grateful for.
That's it. That's all you have to do to change your attitude for the better. Because you're priming your brain with positive information at the very start of your day, and placing your attention on the good in your life rather than the bad, you are gently reprogramming your brain to have a more upbeat world view.
Do this before your feet hit the floor and especially before you turn on your smartphone or other mobile device. Once you've started reading your messages, checking Facebook, skimming the news, or looking at the weather report, you're into your day and your gratitude exercise will be less effective. It's also much more likely to get forgotten.
There are no rules about what you can be grateful for. In fact, there's only one rule to this practice: Be honest with yourself. You never have to tell anyone else what you're thinking. One recent morning I woke up and found I was grateful that my husband and I had had a huge and fun party the previous day, and equally grateful that the party was over and done with. Most mornings I wake up grateful for my husband and our cats (both of whom are invariably in bed with us). Some mornings I wake up grateful for a little time to myself.
So go ahead. What do you have to be grateful for? Make a mental list of three items every morning before you get up. That's all you have to do to reprogram your mind toward gratitude--and give yourself a happier day.
💍 4 Keys To Starting And Maintaining A Successful Relationship
I can give people plenty of tips and tricks on how to attract the opposite sex. Many are always looking for great ways to pull it off but in that process they overlook some very important things. Most truly desire a successful relationship but a good foundation has to be in place in order for that to happen. I’m not talking success as in just staying together because plenty of people remain in unhealthy and toxic relationships. I’m talking the success that creates a loving, positive, and fulfilling relationship in the way that all can appreciate. There are plenty of factors but here are four I feel are good to start with.
Know Yourself
Far too many times we try to run away from being single , and find someone to be with before we truly know and embrace who we are. Some feel you have to date or be in multiple relationships to figure that out. I disagree, I believe you can achieve this in many other ways that don’t involve constantly getting into relationships that will likely cause more damage because you aren’t truly ready for one. If you don’t know and love yourself first then how can you expect someone else to truly know and properly love you as well.
Be Honest
If you start a relationship on lies then there is a very good chance it will eventually come crashing down due to more lies. Lies eventually catch up to us and in the process create an environment of doubt and mistrust that will only spread more negativity in all aspects of that relationship. I know none of us are perfect and chances are that all of us haven’t been 100% honest. We still should do better and embrace a more honest approach. Not just with that person but with ourselves as well. Ignoring the truths you feel inside is typically a setup for living a lie you know isn’t best.
Communication
Honesty is great but if you aren’t talking then you don’t have a chance to implement it and see how good it can be. We always hear communication is key and this is simply the truth. A relationship lacking in communication is one that is less likely to be successful. We can’t get to know each other or begin to have a greater understanding if we don’t take the time talk. Both sides should feel like they can open up and express themselves. This minimizes the chances of issues lingering and not being properly addressed. At the end of the day if we can’t talk to each other than should we really entertain trying to be together?
Develop a Friendship
When we are friends the other three on this list become a lot easier to accomplish. Many times dating is just an audition and the only people who go to auditions are performers. If we want to build something genuine with this person then we shouldn’t overlook the importance of being friends with that person. When a genuine friendship is in place you are able to enjoy that person for who they are and not necessarily what they can give you. It creates a great foundation for a fun, happy, and loving relationship. If they aren’t the type of person you would really be good friends with then why bother trying to be their lover?
I believe that is a pretty strong four to focus on. Personally I am a man of GOD but I like to write my articles in a way that people of any belief can appreciate and gain something from. So if I added one more to the list it would be about faith and spirituality but I’ll just address that in another article. Ultimately I feel we should focus less on getting a relationship and more on setting up the best relationship for us. One that can be fruitful and positive. It may take some time but it will all be worth it in the end.
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Meet with others,speak up your mind and share anonymously,after all no one cares to know your real identity but everyone cares to get ideas from others. Chat without fear.
to say you're sorry you've disappointed someone, but you never need to apologize for saying, "No."
Being a good person doesn’t mean to give in every single time or to put your interests second.
5. Putting an end to unhealthy relationships.
When someone is poisoning your life, let them go quickly and move on.
Get out of the relationship and have no regrets or guilt about it.
You deserve to have people in your life who love, appreciate and respect you -- people that make you feel good and bring out the best in you.
It can be very painful to let go of someone who was once a big part of your life. Knowing that you've hurt another person by releasing them from your life can make you feel so guilty that you want to beg their forgiveness.
But you don't need to apologize for rescuing yourself from a bad connection with someone. You can feel sorry for for the hurt your decision has cause the other person, but you don't need to take the blame for doing something necessary for your own mental health.
6. Taking a break.
There is only so much you can give.
So much energy, attention, caring, time and patience. Sometimes you get tired, and you need same time off.
Take it without reservation!
Apologizing for taking a break is suppressing your power to recharge. Take a moment to breathe and reenergize, rather than consuming yourself with feelings of guilt about not being enough or good enough.
7. Taking your time to give an answer.
We live in a culture with little patience and a high demand for quick action and fast decisions.
People expect you to answer questions, emails, and offers on their timetable rather than your own. They want their priorities to become your priority.
This makes you feel pressured to make a premature decision about something you haven't had time to consider fully.
Just because others have expectations for an immediate reply doesn’t mean you need to rush into taking action.
Take your time to make an informed decision and give a thoughtful answer. After all, it is your life and your well-being on the line.
8. Asking for things to be put right.
Your rights are as important as the next person's.
It is perfectly acceptable to ask people in your life to honor your boundaries, correct their mistakes, or make amends. And you don't need to apologize for asking.
Try to do it with grace and understanding, as people have blind spots and can get defensive. Their defensiveness might make you want to back down or accept blame for causing a rift.
But in the long run, other people will respect you more when you are firm in your boundaries and have clear expectations for the way you want to be treated.
9. Being more successful than others.
Celebrate your accomplishments and successes, and be proud of your abilities and knowledge.
Your success required a lot of hard work, dedication and, sometimes, sacrifice. Yes, sometimes luck and good timing were involved as well.
No matter how you achieved your successes in life, they are yours to celebrate without feeling guilty or embarrassed.
If others act jealous or suggest you aren't deserving, this doesn't signal the need for an apology or explanation from you.
Their negative feelings around your success are not your problem. An emotionally mature and supportive person would be happy for your success.
Don't fall victim to the thought that you need to diminish yourself in order to make someone else feel better about their insecurities.
Of course you can feel sorry to see someone sad, unhappy, failing or in distress. Your feelings of empathy and sympathy can guide you to offer help and compassion, but never an apology for what you'e achieved.
10. Occupying your personal space.
Your personal space is the sacred area around yourself as far as you can spread your arms.
It is your private zone where you feel safe and protected, and only those you invite should step int[...]
Freelance Writing Jobs: How To Start And Where To Find Lucrative Gigs
Do you love to write? Do you wish you could write more? Would you like to get paid for your writing? If you answered “yes” to some or all of these questions, here’s one more for you: what’s been holding you back? For a long time, I didn’t think of myself as a “writer.” Sure,... Continue Reading
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8 Signs of Narcissistic Abuse
From the outside, narcissistic people look “normal.” They’re often charming, outgoing and idolized by others simply because they appear so perfect. But to you, they’re anything but perfect. You’re never at ease around the narcissistic person, and you can’t pinpoint exactly why. You can’t reconcile the “perfect” image most people have of the narcissistic person... Continue Reading
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8 Ways Introverts Can Develop a Strong Personality
I have a confession to make; I’m an introvert. Sometimes I come across as cold, uninterested, or quiet. The truth is, I’m taking in my surroundings before I choose to engage. I’m not anti-social. I just want to make sure when we talk, I can create a meaningful connection with you. That’s because I’m a... Continue Reading
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I Am A Failure: 10 Ways To ReDefine Yourself After Adversity
I have failed many times in my life. Some failures have been relatively minor, like attempting to learn Italian and giving up after just a few weeks. Other failures were devastating and painful, like the end of my marriage. There’s no way around it — failure hurts. The pain can be mild embarrassment or debilitating... Continue Reading
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22 Cool Things To Buy As Gifts This Holiday Season
Here it comes again. Before you toss out the pumpkin and polish off the Halloween candy, the Christmas and Hanukkah season is upon us. At least it is according to the retailers who begin splashing seasonal decor and sales offers from storefronts to your inbox before November 1st. Most of us would rather fully enjoy that... Continue Reading
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✅ Understand Your Masks and Filters
You are pure Soul in a body on Earth.
You know the world you know, but you know it through the masks and filters of how you know what you know — people, places and things you know — emotions you feel — the history the anticipation that you remember and project.
Explained at a yogic and quantum level, the world you know is not a world you know. It’s a world you think your know and feel familiar with, but even the known factors — the ones you’re certain of — are unknown. It’s all a psycho-emotional puzzle made up of masks and filters that manage; control; guide, and carry you through your physical experience…enjoying what you experience with joy , and fearing what you anticipate with fear.
In order to change your experience, you must access the fundamentals of your human being… get down under the “hood”…alter the masks and the filters that alter your experience.
When you gain access to this ‘self-sensory’ programming, you’re able to alter the nature of the ‘Self’ itself. This is one of the many results of a daily meditation practice. With practice, you ultimately realize that everything about your life can be formed and transformed perfectly from what you already have.
Everything works — even the challenging lessons that you go through are, in fact, perfect raw material to build into dreams and purpose. Your cosmology (journey of the Soul) and your genealogy (journey of your ancestry) are all contributing perfectly to this perfection. Everything you experience has been set in place… established with all your masks and filters… created with the known and unknown…and done precisely…there are no mistakes.
My hpoe is that you get “under the hood” of your life; that you make absolutely certain to understand each of your masks and filters; that you begin to cooperate with your mastery so that you can graduate from this mystery.
There’s a higher level of living in this world you live in…it’s a world without masks; a world without filters, and it un-puzzles the puzzle. It ascends to the level of a human being, being humane… it’s the freedom of being a perfect Soul in human form…on Earth to transform.
🌱 When Life Takes Us by Surprise
Life is unpredictable. It can unfold in ways that shock us or take us by surprise. People we think we know say or do things we don’t expect, and sometimes their words or actions hurt.
Last week someone I considered a friend did something I interpreted as hurtful. I’m sure he didn’t mean to be intentionally hurtful, and I doubt he was consciously aware of the effects his actions would have.
In any event, I was pissed off. Feeling used, abused, slighted and insignificant, I was literally shaking with anger. My thoughts were making me nuts as I considered all I thought I had done to help this person and make him a part of my life over the past five years.
Our conversation didn’t go well. My anger was obvious by the tone of our text conversation and by the time it was finished it felt like our friendship was over. Maybe it is.
I went to bed but was unable to sleep. I tossed and turned most of the night. My relationships are important to me and I felt like I was going through a divorce; losing someone I really cared about.
When I woke up the following morning, I realized the anger I felt was actually masking hurt and sadness. My thoughts were causing me to act out with anger and resentment. I was doing what we all do when we feel threatened and think we need to protect ourselves.
So I went to yoga. I took out my Forgive oil and I kid you not, just as I placed a few drops in my hands, the instructor starting telling a story about forgiveness. I literally started to cry—yep, right there in the middle of class.
In that moment I realized although the situation was outside my control, I was in charge of my thoughts and the way I felt. I was in complete control of my own misery or inner peace.
The one who is hurt most by a refusal to forgive is the person holding onto resentment. By choosing not to forgive, we only make ourselves more miserable and I was done suffering.
So … I decided to forgive.
I have no idea why things happened the way they did, and may never know why certain choices were made. But I needed to choose; it was either pain or forgiveness and I decided to forgive and let go.
And its amazing how much better I feel. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to hold on to anger and the moment we let go we realize that freedom awaits us on the other side.
I may have lost a friend last night. I have no control of what happens next but of one thing I am certain.
And my friend, I wish you the best, no matter what.
Tripp Advice (Youtube)
4 Places To Touch A Girl For The First Time
Here are 4 ways to break the touch barrier with a girl for the first time.
Tripp's Tension Technique: http://www.trippadvice.com/tension-technique
➖ @expertadvice ➖
❤️ How to Create a Positive Attitude
A positive attitude is never automatic. You have to work at it! Here's how to become a master of the mind.
A positive attitude--optimism, expectancy, and enthusiasm--makes everything in business easier. A positive attitude boosts you up when you're down and supercharges you when you're already "on a roll."
Here's how to cultivate a positive attitude, regardless of what's happening at work, based upon a conversation with Jeff Keller , author of the bestseller Attitude Is Everything :
1. Remember that YOU control your attitude.
Attitude does not emerge from what happens to you, but instead from how you decide to interpret what happens to you.
Take, for example, receiving the unexpected gift of an old automobile. One person might think: "It's a piece of junk!" a second might think: "It's cheap transportation," and a third might think: "It's a real classic!"
In each case, the person is deciding how to interpret the event and therefore controlling how he or she feels about it (i.e. attitude).
2. Adopt beliefs that frame events in a positive way.
Your beliefs and rules about life and work determine how you interpret events and therefore your attitude. Decide to adopt "strong" beliefs that create a good attitude rather than beliefs that create a bad attitude. To use sales as an example:
Situation: The first sales call of the day goes poorly.
Weak: A lousy first call means that I'm off my game and today will suck.
Strong: Every sales call is different, so the next will probably be better.
Situation: A customer reduces the amount of an order at the last minute!
Weak: Customers who change orders can't be trusted.
Strong: Customers who change orders are more likely to be satisfied!
Situation: A big sales win comes seemingly "out of nowhere."
Weak: Even a blind pig finds an acorn once in a while.
Strong: You never know when something wonderful will happen!
3. Create a "library" of positive thoughts.
Spend at least 15 minutes every morning to read, view, or listen to something inspirational or motivational. If you do this regularly, you'll have those thoughts and feelings ready at hand (or rather, ready to mind) when events don't go exactly the way you'd prefer.
4. Avoid angry or negative media.
Unfortunately, the media is full of hateful people who make money by goading listeners to be paranoid, unhappy, and frightened. The resulting flood of negativity doesn't just destroy your ability to maintain a positive attitude; it actively inserts you into a state of misery, pique, and umbrage. Rather than suck up the spew, limit your "informational" media consumption to business and industry news.
5. Ignore whiners and complainers.
Whiners and complainers see the world through crap-colored glasses. They'd rather talk about what's irreparably wrong, rather than make things better. More importantly, complainers can't bear to see somebody else happy and satisfied.
If you tell a complainer about a success that you've experienced, they'll congratulate them, but their words ring hollow. You can sense they'd just as soon you told them about what's making you miserable. What a drag (figuratively and literally)!
6. Use a more positive vocabulary.
I've written about this before, but the point is worth making again. The words that come out of your mouth aren't just a reflection of what's in your brain--they're programming your brain how to think. Therefore, if you want to have a positive attitude, your vocabulary must be consistently positive. Therefore:
Stop using negative phrases such as "I can't," "It's impossible," or "This won't work." These statements program you for negative results.
Whenever anyone asks "How are you?" rather than "Hangin' in there," or "Okay, I guess..." respond with "Terrific!" or "Never felt better!" And mean it.
When you're feeling angry or upset, substitute neutral words for emotionally loaded ones. Rather than saying "I'm enraged!" say "I'm a bit annoyed...
📎 Why People Get Stuck In Life
Lifestyle
We have all experienced a rut in our lives, whether that rut was a relationship we knew was bad for us or going nowhere in a dead end job we couldn’t afford to leave. Some people sacrifice to break out of that rut. They recognize that to stay there is a death sentence for their dreams and desires. For others, though, getting out of that rut or hole is not so easy.
Here are some reasons why people get stuck in life:
They Accept Their Situation
Some people just accept their lot in life and do nothing to change it. They have been beaten down so much trying to get out that they embrace their situation and give up. They give in to despair and accept the false notion that there is nothing else for them. They find themselves in a hole and they look down at the muck they are standing in rather than up to the freedom of the sky. They can’t see the way out of their situation because they are looking in the wrong direction.
They Become Creatures of Habit
They take solace in their daily routine. It feels safe and secure, something concrete and controllable in a sea of shifting goals and unforeseen catastrophes. It becomes their rhythm of life. They get up, take the kids to school, go to work, go home, eat dinner, watch TV and then hit the sack. Wake up and repeat. Anything that breaks that routine is a danger to their sense of the world. They have their schedule and stick to it meticulously. Because they feel they can’t control anything else in their lives, they revel in the small bit of control they have over their routine.
They Avoid Risk
Risk means the potential for failure, and failure is painful. People who are stuck are afraid of being hurt. They are afraid of failing. If you don’t try, then you never fail, right? And if you never fail, then you won’t get hurt. Or so the thinking goes. They have no idea they have imprisoned themselves in their own safe cocoon. They never get hurt, but they never really live, do they?
They Take Things For Granted
Some opportunities are once in a lifetime, but to someone stuck in a rut, they think the same opportunity will roll by again right on schedule. They take for granted that if you want to get yourself unstuck, you need to seize that opportunity while you have the chance. They take their loved ones for granted because they will always be there, right? No matter what they do, they think their daily routine will never deviate. They take life for granted. Life is as ephemeral as smoke. You have to stoke the fire and feed it if you want to feel its warmth.
They Give Up Their Dreams
It is easier to give up on your dreams than to fight for them. People who are stuck in life gave up on their dreams as impossible. Whenever they met the first shred of resistance, they quit. It is too hard for them. If you want to escape, then aspire to be more better than you are. Be more, reach for more and don’t stop trying to achieve it.
They Avoid Responsibility For Their Own Happiness
They are victims. Everything happens to them. They have not realized that in life, things happen because of you and your decisions. Yes, there are unforeseen circumstances, but those variables can be accounted for and planned against. People that are stuck fail to realize that their happiness is their own responsibility. They are guaranteed the pursuit of happiness and not happiness itself. The founders understood that happiness is self-generated and cannot be given to anyone from the outside. Happiness flows from within.
You are responsible for your own happiness. If you are not happy, it is up to you to break yourself out of your rut and go searching for it.
💃 Are These Half-Truths Crippling Your Happiness?
A half-truth is the most cowardly of lies. ~ Mark Twain
It’s true.
Someone owes you an apology.
Right now. And it had better be a good one.
Because your happiness has been crippled by some seriously twisted half-truths.
Heck, you’ve been told the exact opposite of how happiness works. I hesitate to say you’ve been lied to… but then again you have!
You deserve better. You deserve the whole truth. Not some half-baked truth that’s little better than the lie it disguises.
You’ve worked really hard to try and find happiness . And having found it, to keep it. Because it’s all to easily knocked to the floor by a partner or parent’s harsh words, the boss’ bad mood or overdue utility bills hitting your inbox or doormat.
But there’s the other kind of happiness. One that can withstand disappointment, disillusion and disagreement.
One that lets you keep smiling when everyone else is reaching for a bottle.
That happiness is totally real. But if you continue believing these half-truths, it’ll never happen.
So yeah, that apology is long overdue.
It’s time to expose those happiness-stealing half-truths for the crippling lies they are…
Put others first
You’ve been told you need to put others first since you were out of diapers. After all, that’s what all decent people do, isn’t it? We all want to do the right thing. And putting ourselves before others, well, that just sounds wrong. Selfish even.
Really?
Do sick people look after sick people in hospital?
Do homeless people house homeless people?
Do unhappy people spread happiness?
In truth, we all do what we can. But your basic needs need to be met first…because your happiness isn’t going to thrive if the needs of others come before yours.
And your happiness needs to be in a good shape to really help others. If possible you need to be full of joy and energy.
Get that right and you can help so many more people. Genuinely help. Effectively help. Not the half-baked version of help that comes with trying to put on a happy face when you’re really feeling down, exhausted or lost in life yourself.
That’s why they insist you put your oxygen mask on first before your kid’s when there’s a mid-air emergency. What good are you to your kid if you’re half-conscious?
The whole truth is you need to put your happiness first if you are going to effectively help other people to be happy.
Make Your Parent’s Proud
Oh, there’s another common half-truth that’s a total happiness assassin. The job of making your parents proud. This is closely related to putting other’s first.
‘Make me proud, daughter! I gave you life and love. Now it’s payback time, right?’
Of course they don’t think of it this way. Most parents aren’t trying to lay a guilt trip on you. But somehow the odds don’t seem in any way even. The cards are stacked.
They may have cared for you and give you opportunities. Even heaped genuine love on you. But why and where the heck did making them proud come from?
‘Make me proud, son!’ I put you through school and college.’
If anyone is going to be proud about all or any of your life, that should be you . If anyone else wants to feel proud about it, that’s up to them.
Because you know what? Your dreams and desires aren’t theirs. Just because you share a little DNA, you can’t make them proud. Only they can do that.
You can bust your back trying to get a first class honors, or a six figure pay check or a fancy title. And will it make them proud? Maybe, maybe not. It’s a lottery.
So concentrate on your job – making yourself proud.»»continue reading....
🗣 The Power of Thankfulness: 5 Essential Tips
“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.”
This week many of my readers will celebrate Thanksgiving.
So I thought it would be a good time to share a handful of my favorite tips for making thankfulness a daily part of life.
Because being thankful for what you have is one of the simplest and easiest ways to lift your mood. To give your motivation a jolt. And to live a happier life.
No matter who you are or where you live in the world.
1. Pause and look around yourself.
A simple first step to being more thankful is to pause during your day and ask yourself these two questions:
What are 3 things I can be thankful for in my life today?
Who are 3 people I can be thankful to have in my life and why?
If you don’t come up with 3 people and 3 things each day then that is OK. One thing or person is great too.
But if you can, try to not repeat yourself too often. Instead, think of more people and things to be grateful for to, day by day, expand your thankful view of your world.
2. Express your thankfulness.
Don’t stop at just coming up with people for whom you are grateful to have in your life.
Take a few seconds to tell them about it. This will make their lives happier. And as their faces light up with a smile you’ll feel happier too.
Now, that gratitude could just be a small sentence. But it can have a big impact on someone’s day, week or even life.
So be sure to make the small effort to express it.
3. Look towards yourself too.
It is not only things that are important. Or other people.
You are important and valuable too.
So appreciate that.
Ask yourself:
What are 3 things I can be thankful for about myself?
It could be that you were a good sister during a crisis last week. It could be that you finally got done with that boring or difficult task you had been procrastinating on.
Your self-gratitude does not have to be all about achievements. You can simply be thankful for your good sense of humor. Or the help you give your friends and family by being a good listener from time to time.
And the thankfulness doesn’t have to be about big things either. It could simply be about the fact that you floss for a couple of minutes in the morning.
4. Be thankful for the things you may take for granted.
The things we get very used to having can become things we take for granted. But they are not things everyone in the world has access to.
A few such things that I like to reflect upon and feel very thankful for having are:
A roof over my head and a warm home.
Plenty of drinkable water.
That I don’t have to go hungry.
Being able to enjoy the small and free pleasures of life.
Access to the internet so that I can learn and connect with people.
I have found that being grateful for things like these are especially helpful to zoom out and to put my situation in perspective when I am going through a tough time in life.
5. Start or end your day with thankfulness.
To make thankfulness into a habit that sticks find a regular time for it in your day.
For example, you can start your day in a good way by finding 3 things to be grateful for about yourself over breakfast.
Or you can take a few minutes in the evening, just before going to bed, to use a journal to write down 3 things you are grateful for about your day.
Try a tiny time commitment like one of these and see what impact it has on your life.
🌲 Maybe It's Time to Start Thinking Small
The big advantages I found working at a smaller company.
It’s true that the majority of opportunities come from larger companies. Obviously, they have more positions to fill. And because they have better name recognition, they easily snag top candidates. But many smaller companies are unfairly overlooked. This is because people don’t know about them or think the benefits of working for a smaller company won’t be as good. Here’s why that’s just not true.
The ability to get noticed.
In a larger company, the people above you usually don’t have the power to offer you a raise or a promotion. When you’re at a smaller place, there are less people between you and the executives. If you do a good job, you’re more likely to get noticed by the people who are actually able to advance your career.
Greater job satisfaction.
Small businesses usually give employees more of a say in how things are done. If you have the opportunity to help make the company the best it can be, you’re more likely to feel attached to it and what it represents. In the long run, you’ll be happier and more fulfilled.
More control over your position.
When you work for a small company, it’s usually more flexible and laid back than a larger one and roles are less likely to be set in stone. If you see things you can improve, whether by altering your current position or taking on new responsibilities, you can bring your ideas up and take a more active role in how the company operates.
Better opportunities for growth.
When you work in a small business, you have more opportunity to move around and try out different roles. This is a great learning opportunity that could be beneficial in the future. The more you know, the more marketable you will be if you ever decide to find another position.
More personal connections.
In larger companies, it’s unusual for all employees to know each other. Lots of times, employees don’t even know all of the employees in their department. But if you’re working at a smaller place, you’re much more likely to know everyone in the company. And you’ll be able to build more effective relationships.
