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#unluckywomenEA
Women who are unlucky in love
Some people are lucky in love? Beautiful? No, appearance, if we are not talking about the extremes, that is, the beauties and women with ugly appearance is not as important as the psychological characteristics and the degree of emotional maturity.
Importantly, of course, is the quality of relationships in the parent family, in education. A lot of people and change through self-education. What strive, what way to sculpt?
On the basis of medical and human experience, I tried to define the qualities that a woman provide a reliable and stable intimate relationships. In other words, the "luckiest" woman in love is characterized by the following features:
1. She accepts himself as a whole, even if she wishes to change something in yourself. The basis of her attitude lies the love and respect she always cares about and supports them. She just holds herself, not looking for a relationship to maintain self-esteem.
2. She perceives others as they are, without trying to change them and adapt to their needs.
3. She does not deny her relationship to any aspect of life, including sexual feelings, not suppressing any "negative" or " positive" emotions.
4. She cherishes and nurtures every facet of yourself: your personality, your appearance, your beliefs and values, their interests and achievements.
5. Her self-esteem is high enough so that she gets the pleasure of being in the company of men who are good just as they are. She does not need to be for someone who need to feel that she is an honorable person.
6. She allows herself to be open and trusting with some people. She is not afraid of people finding out her deep enough but she also does not allow to exploit themselves to people who are not interested in her welfare.
7. She formulates for herself the questions as follows:
"How good are these relationships? Do they contribute to my growth? Whether this relationship is for me to be who I can be? "
8. If relationships bring nothing but trouble and destroying her identity, she might say: " Let go away," — and not to despair.
9. She has cool support of her friends, she has a healthy, deep interests in life, enabling her to survive the crisis.
10. She knows how to protect themselves, their health, their well-being. It does not entail an intense struggle in relationships, drama, chaos.
11. She knows that a stable, developing healthy relationships are between partners that share similar values, interests and goals. Each partner has the ability to achieve intimacy. She also knows that she is worthy of all the best that can offer her life.
So, the main thing — not to quarrel with yourself, accept yourself, improve yourself (and not others), and then you will be able to build a harmonious relationship with a man.
💡by Sir ℳarita
#SociallifeEA
22 daily things that improve our lives
1. Be observant. Watch all that is happening around you. Surrounding the life - a great source for new experiences and new ideas.
2. Don't take any idea that comes into your head. Each record — even if you failed to implement it immediately, you can return to it later.
3. Take more from the people around you. Around you — recurring examples, ideas, words, relationships, mistakes, experience. Notice and use to their advantage.
4. Always carry a book or magazine. So you use in their favor any period of time that were previously wasted — time on the road, a queue, waiting for the results.
5. Keep reading at least 30 minutes every day.
6. Think. Take it a habit. That and “gymnastics for the brain, and a great opportunity to clarify your actions."
7. Try every evening to analyze the day. What have you found? That — no? As it was necessary to make sure that everything was perfect?
8. Drink lots of water.
9. Do.
10. Often read collections of quotes. It is a concentrated collection of wisdom.
11. Choose “useful tip of the day” and apply.
12. Lead personal “accounts”: record all income and expenses. So at the end of the month, no question, “And where I managed to spend all the money?”; you can keep track of useless purchases, “devouring the budget, and avoid them; it is possible clearly to imagine their real purchasing power.
13. Do something for the first time. Or find a new way to perform some everyday things — for example, more convenient and shortest route to work. This trains their mental abilities.
14. Read the online materials with the use, to draw conclusions, not just probely eyes.
15. Often use a timer when performing a task.
16. Learn to use manuals, algorithms, and techniques. Use well-known look for new. For example, teach Keyboard Shortcut editor hot keys), which you can use to create new and edit existing hotkeys.
17. Nameci goals, main and secondary, short-term and long-term.
18. Wake up early.
19. Listen to educational or motivational programs, if you busy that doesn't require full concentration.
20. Be friendly during the day. It is encouraging and uplifting.
21. Read every day, one random Wikipedia article to get information about things not known before.
22. Look for in life something funny or cheerful. It's the only way to get her a real pleasure.
💡 By Sir ℳarita
#SilenceEA
5 reasons for the silence
Why are people silent? Five reasons for the silence that will give the answer to this difficult question.
How difficult it is to get in and out of situations awkward silence. For example, while on vacation — sit in an occupied apartment in Odessa and try to find something to say to the girl of your mutual friends. What does the silence for each of us? How it affects our inner world and our relationships with people?
Five reasons for silence:
1. People do not know what to say. He'd kind of numb to this uncertainty. The man is silent, when you do not understand a question or does not know how to respond.
2. People are silent because they do not know how to fix the situation. Sometimes we encounter people that say or don't say the person is not going to help.
3. Ignore it. What if people with such behavior shows that you do not sympathize with him? It's worth thinking about. Maybe people do not want to help you and does not know how to refuse correctly. In such situations, it is necessary to understand in relationship with him and just to say about your guess. Suddenly, everything is solved and you will become best friends?
4. People are just tired. This is another reason why people are silent. Especially after a hard and busy day at work people were already emotionally exhausted and don't want more communication.
5. Sometimes words are not necessary. Speaking of silence, you should take into account the fact that we ourselves sometimes to keep your mouth shut. Silence with a friend is a conversation for a different plan. To support a loved one sometimes doesn't need words. This, too, should be remembered.
We are all different people. Some due to the weakness of excessive modesty, and perhaps even isolation is not able to Express their opinion. Such people should find the right approach and not pester with various questions and accusations.
Remember that a statement of his own thoughts – the basis of psychological health. No one can read minds, so try to be more sociable. So there will come understanding.
💡By :-Sir ℳarita
#SleepEA
Before sleep: How to almost instantly relax?
The best way to relax is to use internal emotional power. With only three senses you can always find the way to relaxation.
Path 1 - eye. You gotta learn to detach a bit and let the view simply slide along the surfaces. Try not to perceive sounds, better yet, shut your ears. Nothing to learn, nothing to read. Just fix the color, size, shape. Turn off your ears (if you have earplugs, well, if not, use your fingers). Let your eyes, lazily, slowly glide over any surface around You. Do not read and do not identify what You are watching. Instead, try only to look at colors and shapes. Looked at lines, transitions of light and shadow. This is a perfectly distracting from the outside, and relieving tension.
2 way ears. Close your eyes. Just listen. It is not necessary to listen to the words, intonations, voices, just look around you background noise. Place them on individual sounds and assume their origin. Disconnecting from the audio stream information, the body will immediately calm down and you will be able to continue working.
Path 3 - the mouth. Close your eyes. Type in your mouth a SIP of any drink or put a piece of food. Focus only on taste. Feel the aroma, temperature, consistency. Full concentration on a single object will supersede all others and restore strength for new cases.
To allocate these simple 2 minutes a day easily, and will return to work, you will be a completely different person. The situation will not disappear, but will change your perception.
💡 By :- Lisa
#shameEA
Four popular (but inefficient) way to get rid of shame from yourself.
💡 Today I want to talk about the obvious thing that most of us encounter in our daily lives, Shame, as most of us may see it (few letters but with great impact) is just as dangerous as anything. So how can we get rid of it? I have picked four ways that will guide you.
1. To attain perfection.
Ideal invulnerable. No one dares to point the finger at him and say that he untied the lace (though lace of an ideal never unleash). It can not compare with anyone because he is the only one of its kind.
To achieve perfection is not easy, but it's not just that. A pedestal is a very small area. Sooner or later it will fail. And stumbled, sinking to such depths of shame that hell will seem like Paradise.
2. Become one of many.
You again, it is impossible to mock, because you're one of many. All as at all: you're reading the same books, dress in the same clothes, work the same job and laugh all the beat. You're the same as them, so how can they shame you?
But there are some "but". Impossible to be like all at once and there is always a risk to get where "all" are different from the "all", to which you have adapted. And then you're still doomed to shame. And even this is not the worst... it's very hard to respect themselves because deep down, you never respected the most. And yet... it's really need to be noticed and recognized... But what would notice if you disappeared?
3. To be a nobody.
If you are a nobody, just a possibility, nenarisovannoy picture, who can blame you? What exists, will always find something to curse. What is not to condemn impossible. There is an added bonus. To be nobody – a great opportunity to mock those who took a chance and became someone. After all, they have flaws and you can't be. Because they are. And you're not. And sometimes it becomes very sad...
4. Become shameless.
Who can hurt you, if you loudly laugh at our mistake, the first condemned and you never miss to poke a finger? Your own laughter will never hear the laughter of the other. And this, of course, it becomes easier abit.
It's really hard to learn to truly respect yourself. And such as all. And special. And even fallen in the mud.
📍By Sir ℳarita
How to be a resolute man
We all from time to time feel that the decision-making process is given to us hardly. Sometimes we start to delay the decision, and sometimes let things slide. Today we will talk about how to avoid it and learn to make meaningful and accurate decisions.
I hate to make decisions. I always envy those who can say: "I felt that this house is just made for us" or "For me it was a sign that I have done so". For them it is just.
They don't spend sleepless nights pondering the pros and cons, and do not seek to find some new details that will help make the decision. This can be seen as the gift: it is as if they know what decision will be correct.
I want the same.
I've never woken up with the feeling that I know what life path I should go. And my life has never been the mysterious signs and insights that would point me in the right strategy.
Like most people, I have to make decisions on their own, all alone, relying only on yourself, your thoughts and your experience.
And let's face the truth — it's not much fun. It's exhausting, it's scary, because we often lack knowledge about the situation, we can't predict the future, sometimes we can't understand what you really want, or simply afraid.
Often we put off the decision. Sometimes it's really necessary, but most often we expect that things will be clear by itself, but then begin to re-think the situation and end up not doing anything at all. We feel stuck in one place, we seem constrained.
So, how to get out of this state? How to gain control over the situation and to overcome their fear and their uncertainty?
Not all of us from birth have determination, not all are born athletes. I'm one of them. But I know how important it is for health to lead an active lifestyle, so I try half way to work to walk and climb the stairs instead of the Elevator wherever possible. Similarly, you can create a system of rules that will help you become a more decisive person. My system consists of four main parts.
1. Don't waste time and effort on the little things.
The decision-making process is often tedious and exhausting all your resources. The more you invest, the more devastated I feel. So, if you have to make an important life decision, try to spend less time and effort on everything else.
Don't waste a lot of time to think about what kind of pillow you buy or what jam you will have for dinner. There is no need to waste time and energy on routine, set yourself a limit of 5 minutes for reflection and decision-making associated with everyday life.
Simplify, simplify, simplify.
2. Ask yourself the question: what kind of life you want to live?
It is easy to make decisions when you know what your
#depressionEA
What are the main signs of depression?
📍The main signs of depression are sadness, suffering, depressed mood, irritability, feeling guilty, decreased performance and poor self-esteem.
In this state, you will not have the appetite, you'll have constant sleepless nights, disturbed functions of the intestine. You will constantly feel tired doing the simplest of physical and intellectual activity.
How not to fall into depression?
In order not to fall into depression, even in the most difficult moment of life be distracted by reading books, watching an interesting film, socializing with friends over a Cup of coffee or taking a walk in the fresh air. If you are lazy — overcoming laziness by creating a diary of necessary actions that must be performed throughout the day. Follow our advice and do not turn in on yourself... Try to be yourself, and carrot and stick.
1. Make your sleep.
Doing for a long time without sleep you will drain your brain and body will become irritable and realize that you are having difficulty with clarity of thought and concentration at work. Therefore, sleep is a time that you need and cells your body to recuperate after a hard day, stockpiling energy for the next activity period.
How much should last sleep?
The average for the complete relaxation of the body requires at least 8 hours. During this time, you will improve the heart function, hormonal balance, will recover the desired cells, improve memory and cognitive function.
2. Get rid of bad habits.
Habit — simply put, it is the act that you make so often that you even stop noticing them.
Principal habits:
1. Smoking.
2. Alcoholism.
3. Addiction.
4. To use profanity.
5. The nail-biting.
6. Picking your nose.
7. The clicking joints.
8. Gnawing a pencil or pen.
9. To use foul language.
10. To spit on the floor.
Types of healthy habits:
1. The adherence of the day.
2. The exercises in the morning.
3. Wash hands before eating.
4. To cover the bed.
5. To put things into place.
6. Brush your teeth every day.
7. To wash the dishes.
8. To get all this stuff in place.
9. Eat right, etc.
How to get rid of bad habits?
To do this, define the number of your bad habits and replace them with new ones. To do this, define an action plan that must be implemented to achieve this result, for example: come to the meeting 5 minutes late and 10 minutes before it started. Constantly performing this action, You will achieve your desired result.
3. To do what you love — a chance to be happy.
Not happen people are not inclined to anything. Each of us has certain talents and abilities, it is only necessary to show them. Define them, and make them a part of your life. Your favorite thing should be the main source of your income. Feel free to go for his dream, having this way you will definitely become successful, and your life will gain positive momentum.
Change your life
Written with love by Sir ℳarita
#LifestyleEA
Signs Your Partner Is The Jealous Type
📍If your partner is the jealous type, you might have many reasons to be concerned, both for your safety and for the health of your relationship.
Jealousy has been called the green-eyed monster, and it can lead to dangerous behavior in those who lack enough self-control to avoid violence toward someone they see as a romantic rival. Having two or more people competing for your love might seem like an ideal scenario for those who like these types of romance stories in movies and television, but you aren’t a prize to be won. Your own well-being is at stake if your partner is the jealous type.
Jealousy may be evolving as social norms about what defines a romantic partnership change, but typically both halves of a committed couple expect that their partner will remain not only monogamous, but also emotionally attached to only them. Here some signs that your partner is the jealous type.
1. YOUR PARTNER TRIES TO RESTRICT YOUR BEHAVIOR
If your partner is setting limits on how often you can go out, whom you can see, and whom you talk to, that is not something you should tolerate. You are a person of free will who can choose where and whom you will speak with.
2. YOUR PARTNER WANTS YOU TO BE WITH THEM 24/7
Insecurity is the reason that your partner is constantly attached to you. Whether they believe you will cheat or not, your partner feels the need to check up on you and make sure you are ‘OK’ more often than they should for a healthy relationship.
3. YOUR PARTNER SAYS DEMEANING THINGS ABOUT OTHERS WHO THEY BELIEVE TO BE CHEATERS
This is a very subtle form of manipulation that borders on verbal abuse. First of all, demeaning language toward you should never be tolerated. Someone who is using belittling words toward others is more likely to do it to you as well. For example, your partner calls someone who they believe to be cheating a ‘slut’ and they also have suspicions that you are unfaithful, well you can fill in the blank about what they call you under their breath.
4. YOUR PARTNER HAS AN UNSTABLE MOOD
Researchers looking at abusive relationships say that anger, jealousy and mood instability are all strongly related to how often verbal and physical abuse happens in intimate relationships. It is a sign your partner is the jealous type if their moods are unpredictable and shift from anger to sadness to anxiety frequently.
5. YOUR PARTNER HAS A LIMITED SUPPORT SYSTEM OUTSIDE OF YOU
Your partner is the jealous type if they have a small social circle. Your partner is dependent on you almost entirely for their feelings of self-esteem and self-worth.
6. YOUR PARTNER NEGATIVELY COMPARES THEMSELVES TO OTHERS
If your partner thinks they are unfavorable compared to a potential romantic rival, you might have reason for concern that your partner is the jealous type. Researchers looking at jealous and abusive relationships say people who compare themselves negatively with others will try to get their partner’s approval ‘to validate their tenuous sense of self-worth.’
7. YOUR PARTNER IS AFRAID OF BEING ABANDONED
If your partner fears that you will leave them and you are physically weaker than your partner, protect yourself first from the potential of physical assault by getting to a safe location. Researchers warn that ‘With the exception of serial killers, almost all cases of males killing females occur in the context of an ongoing intimate relationship, and much male intimate violence occurs in the process of real or perceived relationship dissolution. Prior research indicates that men who assault their wives have high chronic anger scores, and that their anger is frequently triggered by attachment change they perceive as uncontrollable.’
💡written by:- Sir ℳarita
their every move, and smother any shoots of individualism.
She will abuse her position and exploit her child for her own satisfaction and profit.
Mind games, lies, and trickery are just some of the tools designed to confuse the child and weaken their self-belief to a point where they can be mentally and emotionally enslaved.
Sadly, the ten points above are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the many signs of a narcissistic mother. Some traits might not be present in all narcissists, and not everyone who exhibits one of these traits should be labelled as a narcissist.
The more of them you can identify, the greater chance you’re dealing with one. So be watchful and tread with caution if you believe you may have come across a mother suffering from narcissism.
Related Articles: Signs of Emotional Abuse Why Do Women Stay in Abusive Relationships Controlling Men: Empowering Advice For Women Involved With Bullies Letting Go Of A Relationship Dealing With Difficult People
Author Bio Steve Waller is the founder of A Conscious Rethink – an exciting new website dedicated to the world of psychology, philosophy, lifestyle and living. If you are keen to learn more about the language used by narcissists, he has written a detailed article on the subject which you can read here.
The post 10 Signs Of A Narcissistic Mother appeared first on Live Bold and Bloom.
the child grows up and flies the nest; at this point, she will find or fabricate reasons for the adult child to return to her on a staggeringly regular basis.
If they refuse, she bemoans how little they care and love for her in order to get attention that way. 3. She Will Separate Children Into “Favorites” And “Bad Eggs”
If there are two or more children in the family, the narcissistic mother will often favor one/some over the others.
There is rarely any concrete justification for this, but she likes to split them up in an attempt to set them against each other. In this way, they are unlikely to band together and challenge her position of dominance.
Her favorites are liable to be used as extensions as discussed above, and she will teach them to think and act like she does by nurturing an “us against them” mentality.
She will keep them on her side so that they can team up when criticizing, manipulating, or attacking the remaining children.
As for the bad eggs, the outcasts, the scapegoats -- she will treat them will far less love and charity.
This can manifest itself in myriad ways, including the food she gives them, the clothes they are forced to wear, the comforts they enjoy, and the language she uses with them.
From the mother’s point of view, the spoilt child can do no wrong, whereas the rest are always to blame. Where the favorite is cared for diligently, the outcasts are forced to do the caring.
While the chosen one is given everything they need, those who are marginalized have things taken away in retribution for disobedience. 4. She Always Takes Priority Over The Child
A narcissist is most concerned with themselves and this holds true when one becomes a mother. Unless she sees it in her own best interests, she will refuse to attend to the needs of her children if they interfere with her own plans.
Unless a favored child is involved, don’t expect to see her making sacrifices in terms of her time, energy, and attention. She will always make sure she gets what she wants even if it leaves a child unhappy.
She might treat them to a meal out for their birthday, but they won’t get to choose the restaurant.
She might even buy them a present, but little thought or effort will go into it; after all, she is so busy with her own affairs that she won’t know what her child really wants. 5. She Insists Her Child Is The Cause Of All Her Problems
When faced with failure, disappointment, or some other problem, a narcissistic mother will almost certainly point the finger of blame at her children.
With such astronomical faith and belief in herself, she is simply unable to see any fault in her actions.
This leaves her with external forces as they only possible explanation for any predicament she may face. Since a child is likely to be present much of the time, particularly when young, they will make an easy target for her rage.
The actual cause of her woes and the culpability of the child is inconsequential; the function of the child is, as far as she sees it, an outlet for her frustrations. 6. She Is Always Right
Another manifestation of her inflated self-image is that she is unable to accept she might be wrong about something. This is particularly true when her child gets a bit older and is able to argue their point; she will deny them any ground and insist they are mistaken.
One of the primary points of conflict is the recalling of events from each party’s perspective. The mother, suffering from the delusions of narcissism, will often remember something in quite a different way to the child.
As hard as the child might make their case, and as much evidence as they can produce to support it, the mother will flatly deny such a recollection.
This pattern is not restricted to past events, but also the opinions and beliefs each of them hold. The child may express their views on some[...]
#OfferEA
What could you offer?
The Practice:
Make the offering.
Why?
One of the strangest and most meaningful experiences of my life occurred when I going through Rolfing (ten brilliant sessions of deep-tissue bodywork) in my early 20's. The fifth session works on the stomach area, and I was anticipating (= dreading) the release of buried sadness. Instead, there was a dam burst of love, which poured out of me during the session and afterward. I realized it was love, not sadness, that I had bottled up in childhood - and what I now needed to give and express.
We can hold back our contributions to the world, including love, just as much as we can muzzle or repress sorrow or anger. But contribution needs to flow; it stagnates and gets stinky if it doesn't. Thwarted contribution is the source of much unhappiness. For example, the wound of loneliness and heartache is about not having others to give to as much as not having others to get from. And one of the major issues with adolescence in technological cultures is that there are few opportunities for teenagers to make a real difference, to matter and feel a sense of earned worth.
Now, "contribution" covers a lot of ground. It includes big things like raising a child, inventing the paperclip, or composing a symphony. But mainly it's a matter of many little things. You give or receive hundreds of small offerings each day, such as doing the dishes, treating customers with respect, picking up a gum wrapper, encouraging a friend, having good intentions, or staying open to feedback. You contribute with thought, word, and deed, and both by what you do and by what you restrain yourself from doing.
In addition to the offerings you already make, you may sense other things inside that want to be offered. Can you open to these and let them flow? It does not matter how large or small they are. As Nkosi Johnson - a South African boy born with HIV who became a national voice for children with AIDS before dying at about age 12 - once said:
Do all you can, with what you have, in the time you have, in the place where you are.
How?
Appreciate some of the things you already contribute through thought, word, and deed. Let yourself feel good about this.
Moving through your day, try considering your contributions as offerings - particularly the little things that are easy to overlook, such as the laundry, courteous driving, or saying thanks. When you relate to everyday actions as offerings, you feel an intimacy with the world, more kindness, perhaps even something sacred.
Also try on a sense of being unattached to the results of your offerings. Sure, it's OK to hope for the best. But if you get fixed on some outcome, it's a set up for pressure and disappointment. I got a good lesson about this from my friend David, who was becoming a priest in an urban zen center and preparing for his first public talk. I asked David if it bothered him to work hard to present something precious to people who might not value it. He looked at me like he could not understand my question. Then he made a gesture with both hands as if he were setting something at my feet, saying: "My part is to give the talk as best I can. Whatever they pick up is up to them. I hope it's helpful, but that's out of my hands."
It's alright to make offerings from enlightened self-interest. When you give, you receive. Which helps you keep giving. To be benevolent to others, you must be benevolent to yourself.
Also listen to your heart for additional offerings calling to be expressed. Maybe it's the offering of never speaking out of anger, or really starting that novel, or determining to give love each day. It could even be an offering to your future self - the being above all others you have the greatest power over, and thus the highest duty to - such as regular exercise or taking steps toward a better job.
Writen with love by Sir ℳarita
#SimplicityEA
Say What You Mean; Mean What You Say
Behavioral styles tell us that only about 18% of the population score high on the scale that favors assertiveness and dealing with things head on. These are people who thrive on conflict, will say what they think, don’t care who they offend (at times) and are bold in their approach. The remaining 82% of the population tends to shrink away from conflict, would prefer not to address things, or just tolerates someone who yells and curses. Why is it so hard for people to say what they mean,and mean what they say, sometimes?
You have probably been told that lying is wrong, but then telling a white lie seems necessary in order to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. You know you shouldn’t talk about another person behind their back but it’s so much easier to “seek input” from someone else than it is to tell the person you have the conflict with that something is wrong. You want to confront someone but not be mean, but you wait too long to have the discussion and the straw breaks the camel’s back and you find yourself yelling and screaming, and now you look like the “bad guy or gal”.
Many people never learn how to appropriately say what they mean, and mean what they say. In school, if you dare to react negatively to what a teacher (who might be wrong) says to you, there are consequences for speaking out. Parents are often not good at the communication process so they may shade the truth, become overly
bullying or overly passive, and neglect to model good communication in their behavior.
Think about the bosses, co-workers, friends, teachers, and colleagues you may have had over the years who simply were not good at communicating. You may have learned, months or years later, about something you did to offend them or something important they neglected to share. People are hurt when the truth comes out later, but why is telling the truth at the time such a hard thing to do?
Our culture values “niceness” over truth in many cases. People who address issues, or bring something up to someone that could be perceived as hurtful, are looked upon as the problem. If you point out what someone else has done wrong, instead of the person considering the feedback and having an objective conversation, the threat is there that they will go off and tell someone else about what a mean person you really are.
When you grow up without good role modeling, how can you learn to say what you mean and feel good about it, while leaving the other person with their confidence and security in place? It takes practice and diligence, but the results are worth it. Consider these three steps to being a more authentic communicator:
1. When you want to deliver negative or non-positive feedback, consider your goal. What do you hope to accomplish as an outcome? Do you want the person to be more aware? Do you hope they will change their behavior? Are you trying to stop them from hurting themselves and others? Think about your own intention first. Many times we just want the other person to know something – we don’t have an expectation for what could happen once they know. If you have an outcome in mind, you can frame your comments differently – “I’m hoping if I share some feedback you might reconsider the way you are treating our daughter.”
2. Ask permission and make sure it is the right time to offer feedback. Let the person know you’d like to share something, but make sure they are open to hearing it. Sometimes people are weaker than other times – you don’t know all of what is going on with them. Prepare them for the discussion; “I would like to share some feedback; is now a good time or would there be a better time for you?”
3. Be objective and stick to facts in your approach. Try to refrain from using a broad brush. This is why parents are taught not to say “Bad boy” or “Good boy”; you don’t want to opine on a person’s overall character. Instead, say “That outburst at the dinner table was upsetting. I think there was another way you could have handled it.
#SimplicityEA
Avoid these 7 Deadly Sins while Simplifying Your Life
Sometimes making positive lifestyle or habit changes can bring out the worst in us. It starts out with joy and excitement about something new, and then as we settle in, our busy minds take over and try to sabotage our efforts. Sometimes external things like well-meaning grandparents going overboard with gifts, money emergencies, or other life situations get in the way, but usually the sabotage starts with us.
Avoid these 7 deadly sins while simplifying your life or making any positive lifestyle or habit change.
1. Comparison
When you compare your efforts to others, especially others who are years into the process, you discount the progress you’ve made and the benefits you are experiencing. Stay present and keep your eyes on your own stuff.
Use other people’s experiences as inspiration, but create your own adventure when it comes to simplifying your life, because after all … it’s your life. If you are looking for a fun experiment to help you engage in simplicity, try one of these.
2. Impatience
It might take 3 years to pay off your debt, or 10 months to simplify your wardrobe. You didn’t complicate your life overnight, and you probably won’t simplify it overnight. When you feel impatient and frustrated that things aren’t happening faster, focus on the benefits you are experiencing right now.
For instance, if you are paying down debt, but not even close to finishing, perhaps you are sleeping better because you know you aren’t going deeper into debt. Or, if you’ve started decluttering, think about how you feel in the most decluttered space in your home. Use that feeling as momentum to declutter the next space.
3. Guilt
Letting go of stuff and obligations can stir up guilt. You might feel guilty for letting things build up, for not paying attention to what really matters, or for overspending. It’s time to let the guilt go with the stuff.
You’ve paid enough. You paid with your money, your time and attention, and with your heart and these guilty feelings. You can let go now. If you struggle with letting go of guilt, try this three step process.
4. Perfection
There is no one right way to do this simplicity thing, but if your focus is on doing it perfectly, chances are you won’t do it at all. Give yourself permission to figure things out along the way.
I can think of many times I didn’t try something because I was afraid I couldn’t do it, or because I was afraid I wouldn’t do it the right, or best way. Usually though, I was just afraid it would be ugly. When I say ugly , I mean challenging to figure out, or uncomfortable and imperfect.
Now, I try things even if I don’t know how, or don’t know if they will work. I turn things upside down, burn them down, build them back up, recreate, reinvent, rewrite, and stumble through until my ugly idea turns into a butterfly.
Perfection doesn’t encourage you, it derails you. There is no room for it in your simple life.
5. Persuasion
If you are excited about simplifying your life, it’s natural to want everyone around you to be excited too. Instead of focusing on simplifying your own life, it’s easier to focus on getting everyone on board. Instead of nagging and begging and pushing your agenda on others, be an inspiration by walking the walk.
6. Emptiness
Freeing up space and time in your life can feel uncomfortable. You may feel compelled to fill the emptiness of a decluttered room in your home with more stuff, or an empty calendar with appointments and commitments to avoid the discomfort.
Instead, fill your newfound time and space with things that really matter to you. If you don’t know what that is yet, fill your time and space with curiosity, self-reflection, and love.
7. Fear
Living in fear of what others may think of you, struggling with the fear of not having enough or being fearful of needing something just in case thwart your efforts to let go and live more simply.
When we live in fear and scarcity, we forget to live.
#positivelivingEA
How to Succeed in the Face of Seemingly Insurmountable Obstacles
📍To achieve your goals, you must take action – and REMAIN in action, moving persistently in the direction of the results you want to create.
But sometimes you run into roadblocks that seem too big to overcome, setbacks that knock you down so hard you begin to wonder if you’ve been wasting your time chasing an impossible dream.
How do you persist in the face of such seemingly insurmountable obstacles ?
Here are my top 6 tips:
1. Know that adversity is inevitable
No matter how well you plan and how well you execute your plan, you are bound to meet with disappointment, setbacks, and failure along the way to your ultimate triumph. Sometimes, you will encounter what seem like overwhelming odds. At other times, the Universe will test your commitment to the goal you’re pursuing. It’s inevitable – and it’s a good thing.
Why? Because adversity is an excellent teacher. It gives you the opportunity to develop your inner resources of character and courage, requiring you to learn new lessons, develop new parts of yourself, and make difficult decisions.
So instead of worrying about setbacks or letting them put the brakes on your momentum, know that they are bound to happen sooner or later – and when they arrive, welcome them as the learning opportunities they are.
2. Talk to people who have walked the path before you
Every challenge you encounter on your journey has already been experienced – and overcome – by countless others before you. Do your research and find out who these people are. Talk to them one-on-one if you can and ask them what they did to overcome that problem. Read their articles, watch their videos, buy their books – whatever it takes to find the answer to your problem.
3. Chunk it down into achievable short-term goals
When you’re faced with a big challenge, the best way to deal with it is to chunk it down into simple, achievable steps. This is true for any goal you want to achieve, really – by breaking it down into a series of smaller tasks, and accomplishing them one at a time. Be sure to set measurable goals with specific deadlines and then determine all of the individual action steps you will need to take to accomplish your goal.
Maybe your first step will be to google, “How do I [solve this problem]?” Maybe it will be to do some research, find someone who has solved the problem before, and set up a meeting with them. Or maybe it will be to download a tutorial, or watch a YouTube video. As long as the action is carrying you further along the path toward your ultimate goal, it’s a step in the right direction.
4. Come up with 3 possible solutions for every problem
When you run into an obstacle or roadblock, a great way to resolve it faster and with less hassle is to brainstorm three possible solutions to it. There’s always more than one way to solve any problem, and in order to find the one that will work best for you, it’s smart to give yourself some options.
That way, if the first solution doesn’t work you don’t have to go back to the drawing board or waste time getting discouraged all over again because you already have two more solutions lined up ready to go.
5. Set ambitious goals that help you stay focused on the big picture
When you’re scaling a mountain, it’s the breathtaking views from the peak—and the triumph you know you’ll feel once you’ve reached the summit – that keep you climbing toward the top. Don’t get stuck thinking only about your next few steps. Remember the ultimate reason why you’re doing this.
What kind of life are you striving to create for yourself? How will you feel once you are living that life? This is the fuel that will keep your motivation burning bright even when it feels like your luck has run cold.
6. Be willing to pay the price
Achieving your biggest goals and dreams will require some level of sacrifice. It might mean putting other things in your life on hold while you devote your evenings and weekends toward your dreams.
#HealthEA
Is There One “Best” Type of Temperament? Or Tendency?
™“Temperament does not predestine one man to sanctity and another to reprobation. All temperaments can serve as the material for ruin or for salvation…It does not matter how poor or how difficult a temperament we may be endowed with. If we make good use of what we have, if we make it serve our good desires, we can do better than another who merely serves his temperament instead of making it serve him.”
–Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude
This passage from Merton caught my attention, because of my
Four Tendencies framework for personality.
In that framework, I divide all of humanity into four types:
Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, and Rebel. (Want to find out what you are?
People often ask me questions like, “What’s the best Tendency?” “Which Tendency tends to be the most successful?” “Which Tendency has the happiest people?”
And I always answer, “There’s no best Tendency. Each Tendency includes people who are happy and unhappy, and successful and unsuccessful. What matters is that each of us harnesses the strengths of our Tendency and shores up the weaknesses, so we can have the life we want.”
Which is what Merton (One of my friend) is talking about: “If we make good use of what we have, if we make it serve our good desires, we can do better than another who merely serves his temperament instead of making it serve him.”
(One of the great pleasures of my life is to pursue my minor obsessions. Some of these minor obsessions include color, the sense of smell, pain, and also Thomas Merton. I’ve read a lot about Thomas Merton.)
Do you feel that you’re able to make good use of your temperament? It’s a great challenge–maybe the greatest challenge of our lives.
#SociallifeEA
The Best Choice You Can Make Each Moment
📍 by:- Sir ℳarita
Years ago, in the days before I discovered how to heal myself, I thought I loved myself. In those days everything processed through my mind. Self love sounded too woo-woo, too emotional, too cumbaya. And I was not a hippy dippy kinda boy. I was rational and pragmatic.
But I was destined for self love. All roads pointed one way, and I got on board. The journey would take me through a lot of digging leading me to the root issue of my life: I didn’t love myself.
I dated women who weren’t right for me. I felt insecure but acted confident. Truthfully, I was scared as hell that everyone was judging me. I didn’t feel at home in my own body, and I avoided facing the truth about myself.
You might be wondering what self love really means. It means that you’re listening to your soul, that you’re paying attention to your own needs. It means that you say no when you need to.
Loving yourself means that you let go of the judgements. It means you put yourself first.
Self love means that your heart is open, you feel love, and you know how to turn it inward. It means that you give yourself what you need before the needs of others. Ya know, the whole airplane mask thing. That’s self love.
I learned how to love myself through practicing Breathwork. I didn’t know it was going to happen. It wasn’t my intention. I simply followed my intuition and was guided to explore this profound tool that I knew nothing about.
As I breathed my heart opened. The sadness and pain I had been holding on to began to lift. All of the things that felt too difficult to face came up and out and all of it was wrapped in love. I could be with the pain and release it. I found access to my soul. Everything
felt clear and full of love.
Everything in my life changed after I began practicing Breathwork. It has been my greatest teacher, and it has given me the greatest gift. Loving myself has transformed my life. It’s changed my relationships, the way I view the world, and the way I feel about myself and my life.
So if you’ve never practiced Breathwork before you might still be wondering what self love really means and that’s likely because you’re wondering with your mind. Love lives in the body.
We come into this world tiny little balls of love, and then we get squashed by life and pain. In automatic defense we shut down our hearts, and we don’t have a clue we’re doing it. Life keeps on moving, and no one sets you aside to help you heal.
Our pain grows cumbersome in our bodies. It manifests into physical and emotional disease. We use alcohol and drugs to numb out. We lose our sense of compassion. We turn our anger on those we love. We shame ourselves. We find ourselves stuck in a depression with no idea how to get out. Anxiety holds us back from living our dreams. Tumors grow in our bodies. We suffer, and we move further and further away from self love.
Instead of seeking to understand what the pain is pointing to we just want it to go away.
Instead of considering the root cause of the huge blow out with our partner we kiss and make up with little reflection. The fear of what might be exposed or what might be lost is just too great. We’re terrified of going deeper because we don’t know how to deal with the truth.
In order to solve anything we have to go to the source. We have to start asking, “Why?” and then show up for the answer. Sitting at the root is often a big gaping hole you’ve been trying to fill with everything aside from the thing that can actually fill it up: your own love.
You generate the love that needs to fill your wounds. There is no other human on this earth who will do it for you. There is nothing you can purchase, nothing you can eat or drink, nothing you can say or write that will fill that void. Only your own love can do that.
💡 Love yourself and life will live you!
#negotiationEA
How to negotiate with anyone on its own terms?
I am sure that you are not once tried to negotiate with other people. Sometimes it works, sometimes you have to accept other people's conditions. Most often, victory or defeat depends on you and how you behave. I will guide you about a few tips that will help you win more often in negotiations on any subject.
When I think about this topic, I'm immediately reminded of my attempts to negotiate with the teachers in the University on the assessment. You like walking through a minefield: one wrong phrase, and you have no chance. After a little thinking and searching other people's opinions on the Internet, I have identified a few tips that helped me and will help you to successfully negotiate with other people.
Offer several options
When you insist on, think of another person who is exactly like you, defend their point of view. Do not attempt to defeat it by offering just one option. Instead, offer several. Why? Giving him a few options to choose from (each of which is beneficial to you), you will create the illusion of choice and your companion will be easier for you to maintain.
At the same time do not overdo it. Offering 10 options to choose from, you'll ruin yourself. We like simple things, and make a choice person is much easier if you had two or three choices instead of a dozen.
Unnecessary bluff
It will be easier to convince people of the correctness, if you really believe in what you say. This implies the following: it is not necessary to bluff. You may be lucky, and he will not notice the deception, but if all goes according to plan and will convict you, will never turn back.
If you believe in his innocence, to convince other people it will be much easier.
You can't win alone.
The outcome of the situation should be a win-win for both parties. Imagine yourself in the place of another person and think, would you agree to what you have to offer? If not, it is unlikely that you should expect the same from him. You need a win-win situation that will satisfy both sides, not one.
Another tip that I can recommend is to make the appearance that the outcome is beneficial not only to you. If it is easier to fool people. Are you ready to go? Then you have one additional ACE in the hole.
Forget about emotions
People, including emotions in negotiations, are doomed to failure. Although the situation can be viewed from several sides. If you are talking about your position with admiration and fire in the eyes, then it may work.
If you shout at him, laugh at his position or try to insult, albeit veiled, you've already lost.
Ask for a little more than you need
This is a fairly simple trick, and you probably know about it. If you want to sell a product for $100, ask for it $110. When the buyer wants to reduce the price, it will just lead her to the desired number.
💡By Sir ℳarita
#YogaEA
Training of the senses
Train yourself to have a refined perception of the outside world. Pay close attention to the work of all six senses: sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch and organs of balance and coordination.
💡 Vision
In normal circumstances try not to just obtain using eyes necessary intellectual information, and pay attention to color, shade, saturation of colors, their relationship, shape, size of object, etc.
It is very helpful to contemplate the paintings, sculptures, looking at the scenery.
Try all, always see something new. Look at everything as if seeing it for the first time.
💡 Hearing
Try to develop the ability to distinguish different sounds and to determine their source. Train your musical ability. Listen to pleasant music and try to distinguish all the instruments involved in the performance of their individual parties, combination with other instruments, etc.
💡 The sense of smell
Train the ability to distinguish various odors, using a mild aromatic substances. Catch the changing of the smell after a summer rain, when the whole plant world is fragrant.
💡 Taste
Try to identify the main characteristics of tones of food, beverages and water when they are mixed with each other, and then in the composition of dishes and salads.
💡Touch
This ancient primitive sense of communication with the outside world. In modern terms it is unjustly neglected.
If the child does not provide the opportunity to get acquainted with new objects through touch, he will lag behind in their development from their peers. Take up various items and looking at them, try to know them to create their mental picture, to feel all their characteristic external features.
The organs of balance and coordination
The vestibular system responds exercise with exercise on the change of acceleration in various planes (as trained pilots, astronauts), and different stability, equilibrium. Yoga contains special exercises for training of the vestibular apparatus.
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When raising children it is necessary to pay sufficient attention to the development and improvement all of the above senses. This gives the opportunity to better know the world, to maximize their abilities.
📍by Sir ℳarita
#BetterLifeEA
How to change your life for the better:
12 easy ways to begin with
To change lives for the better, pay attention to these 12 laws of life. They form the destiny of man.
1. The great law
You find in life only what he put in it. If you want to be happy and loved, need to love, to treat others with respect and kindness.
2. The law of creation
In life nothing happens by itself, we need to do something for this. Be yourself.
3. The law of growth
So go ahead, change yourself, not other people. As soon as a person changes their thoughts, with changing external factors.
4. The law of humility
In order to change something, one must first accept it as a given. Try to notice the good in people. Concentrate on your friends, not enemies.
5. The law of responsibility
If you've got a problem, so it is in you. Man is a reflection of the world, and the world is our reflection. No one but us is responsible for our lives.
6. The law of connection
Each of your act has a consequence. To get results, you need to start. For a ship sailing without purpose, no wind is favorable. On the way to the goal, all the steps are important, even the smallest. Past, present and future are very closely related.
7. The law of focus
Always focus only on one thing. When you think about something high, hard to fall down.
8. The law of giving
If you have something to prove, be sure you're ready to show it by example. Man is able to teach only what he himself has passed in practice.
9. The law of here and now
Not regret the past nor speculate about the future. Live in the now. Everything good in life needs to be implemented on the spot. Prevents the old to appear new.
10. The law of patience and reward
Valuable rewards require more work. Joy is to do what you want, and know that there will be a reward.
11. The law of change
Until you learn a lesson from anything, life will put you in a situation that will contribute to this and make sure you change your path. Everything flows, everything changes.
12. The law of inspiration
Man gets what he deserves. What is done with love is always inspiring.
💡Written with love by :- Leila Hertz
values are .
Know what you want, is one of the main conditions, so that you can become strong. When we are working on a project and differ in their views with team members, we always try to remember our original goal.
You have to figure out what kind of life you want to live; you should clearly define a goal. Take a pen and paper and write, write, write until then yet you will not clear answer.
That's what happens to me. First out quite vague statements (for example: I want to draw. But to paint that? I want to write. But to write what, for whom?). After everything is ready, put aside your creation, and wait three days, and then proofread again. If anything still not clear, make a break for another three days. As a rule, after such a long immersion in the essence of the question becomes more or less clear the desired direction.
This technique is applicable not only to life in General. You can also ask yourself what kind of people you want to see around you, what kind of work you want to find or what kind of relationship will make you happy.
3. Learn to manage your fears.
Often we are indecisive because they are afraid of negative consequences that may materialise if we make a decision. Some irrational fears, some fears are well justified, but an important one: if you let things slide you won't win.
Learn to manage your fears. Write them down on paper, evaluate them, and if they understand that they are justified, then make yourself a detailed plan that will help you to avoid bringing your fears to life. You in any case should not allow fear to influence your decision.
4. Monitor your physical condition.
Numerous studies show that if you, for example, hungry, you won't be able to make an informed decision. Well this illustrates Maslow's pyramid.
If you are tired, want to eat, sleep or feel unwell — do not try to make important decisions, and wait until better times, if possible.
Writen with love by Sir ℳarita
#ForgivenessEA
Learn to forgive and ask for forgiveness
Conflicts and grievances that accompany us throughout life. In the family, with family, at work, on the street, etc.
And in this article I would like to talk about family. Young people, starting relationships, perceive each other through, as is often said "single points", i.e., there is no objective assessment of a partner, almost unnoticed flaws, but over time, there is overvaluation of the situation (the so-called "lapping") – and here in this moment and there have been many clashes and misunderstandings.
Many couples soon fall apart, unable to withstand conflict and negativity from each other. Very often it is due to the fact that we do not know how to forgive and ask for forgiveness.
After all, when hurt, hurt someone or bad – ask forgiveness. But as adults, we already can not happen. Why?
Conflict: fighting husband and wife. I had a fight and went to different rooms. Both assess: who is to blame? And everyone can have their own truth, their own reasons and it turns out that the other is wrong. So him first and apologize. And if at this point ask, "what changed a lot if you're first going to apologize?" We hear quite a simple answer: "What? He(she) is guilty of(a), and I also apologize? Who is he(she) think he is?!..." (or something similar).
Thus, there is the thought that apologies can be a way of manipulation: "You are guilty(a), you shall(a)".
But when viewed through the apology – "I apologize because you and our relationship dear to me and important." Thus, it does not matter who was wrong and who should be the first to go to apologize. It is important to forgive each other and understand that everyone was in their own wrong.
And then we are faced with the ability to forgive. Not infrequently, partners hoard the resulting resentment, splashing, or reproaching each other when convenient. That provokes new conflicts. It is therefore important to be able to "let go" of the negativity that we store inside. First, understand that conflict is always two to blame (and "reproaching" the other, You blame yourself). Second, it is much better to draw conclusions by asking yourself: "Why did this happen and what can I do to prevent it," and not stir up the past. Third, conflicts are inevitable, they carry many positive to partners: "temper", brought together and learn to compromise, communicate with each other, etc. and therefore need to be considered as a hint to improve relationships (e.g., "now we know the peculiarities of each other, to respect and appreciate the other), but not the end of the present.
The conflict is not the end of the family, they do not necessarily have to lead to misunderstanding and divorce, but they can act as the beginning of deeper understanding and harmonious relations, relations on a new higher level. And divorce and lack of understanding of people step themselves deliberately, not wanting to take responsibility for it!
Learn to forgive and ask for forgiveness.
🌹Sir ℳarita
#LifestyleEA
25 Quotes To Remember When You Need Inspiration
📍Sometimes, you just need to sit down, forget about everything, and read some thought-provoking quotes to change your perspective and regain the inspiration you’re looking for. Life can get very overwhelming, but quotes from thought leaders, philosophers, authors, and others can help you get through it and find that inspiration again.
Some quotes stick with you because they strike a chord in your heart that makes you change the way you look at things, and today, I’ve gathered 25 of these types of quotes.
1. “The struggle you’re in today is developing the strength you need tomorrow.” – Robert Tew
2. “The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer someone else up.” – Mark Twain
3. “Nothing haunts us like the things we don’t say.” –Mitch Albom
4. “Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t.” –Bill Nye
5. “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.” –Maya Angelou
6. “Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace.” –Robert J. Sawyer
7. “The greatest source of happiness is the ability to be grateful at all times.” –Zig Ziglar
8. “You are so brave and quiet, I forget you are suffering.” – Ernest Hemingway
9. “I loved her not for the way she danced with my angels, but for the way the sound of her name could silence my demons.” –Christopher Poindexter
10. “You have to die a few times before you can really live.” –Charles Bukowski
11. “She always had that about her, that look of otherness, of eyes that see things much too far, and of thoughts that wander off the edge of the world.” –Joanne Harris
12. “The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.” – Sir ℳarita
13. “One of the best lessons you can learn in life is to master how to remain calm.” –Catherine Pulsifer
14. “The strongest hearts have the most scars.” –Jeff Hood
15. “I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy, because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless, and they don’t want anyone to feel like that.” –Robin Williams
16. “Always stay humble and kind.” – Tim McGraw
17. “Before you start to judge me, step into my shoes and walk the life I’m living and if you get as far as I am, just maybe you will see how strong I really am.” –Unknown
18. “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can choose not to be reduced by them.” – Maya Angelou
19. “It’s not selfish to do what is best for you.” –Mark Sutton
20. “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” –C.S. Lewis
21. “My goal is not to be better than anybody else, but to be better than I used to be.” –Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
22. “Traveling: it leaves you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller.” –Ibn Battuta
23. “I don’t have to agree with you to like you or respect you.” –Anthony Bourdain
24. “Often, our biggest disappointments and heartaches lead to breakthroughs and transformation.” –Michelle Maros
25. “Everytime you get upset at something, ask yourself if you were to die tomorrow, was it worth wasting your time being angry?” – Robert Tew
#HoroscopeEA
8 Reasons Why Scorpios Are The Best Lovers In The Zodiac
📍If you aren’t careful, your Scorpion lover could burn you with their intense passion and fire in a relationship. They might be a bit stubborn and feisty, but they make some of the best lovers in the zodiac, and here are some reasons why
1. PASSIONATE LOVERS
Scorpios make some of the most intense lovers in the zodiac; they want to know you deep down to your core, so get ready for a passionate, wild ride. If you have a Scorpio partner, you’ve probably already witnessed their ability to love you deeply, both emotionally and physically, which makes them an incredible lover.
2. GREAT CONVERSATION
Scorpios have an attraction to talented, intelligent people like themselves. They don’t do well with small talk, but this makes them great lovers because they enjoy getting to the core of who people really are. They like to dig deep and ask you tons of questions about your life, which opens up the door to true, intimate connection. If you happen to date a Scorpio, though, make sure you come prepared, because they will expect you to carry an intelligent, thought-provoking, mature conversation with them.
3. COURAGEOUS AND STRONG
Scorpios don’t let fear stop them from living their lives. Even if they feel the fear, they push through it and let it motivate them to grow and learn. They stand tall and strong, and many people look up to them for their bravery. They don’t depend on anyone – if they want something done, they do it themselves. They see the challenges and obstacles, but don’t let that stop them from achieving their goals.
4. MYSTERIOUS AND ELUSIVE
You will have a hard time figuring your Scorpio lover out, just a heads up. They like to keep their emotions under wraps until you’ve truly gained their trust, so it might take a few dates for them to come out of their shells. However, many people find the mystique of a Scorpio very alluring, and their aloofness just makes you even more curious to find out what they’ve been hiding.
5. LOYAL PARTNERS
Scorpios will stand by you until the end; if they chose you, then they only have eyes for you. You have their heart, their devotion, and their unconditional love. Scorpio picked you for a reason, and believe me, the scorpion makes one of the pickiest lovers in the zodiac. They picked you out of all the others out there because they saw near-perfection in you, so if you have a Scorpio lover, don’t take the relationship for granted, by any means.
Scorpio doesn’t trust others easily, so if you’ve won their heart, then you must be doing something right.
6. DEEP EMOTIONS
Scorpio tends to hold in their emotions until they finally break, so make sure to check in with them often. As a water sign, their emotions run deep, and they often hide a lot of themselves beneath the surface. While this might seem overwhelming, it actually makes them an incredible lover. If they feel emotions deeply and can tune into them so easily, then they can connect with you on this intimate level as well.
7. VERY PICKY IN CHOOSING A PARTNER
Scorpio holds themselves to a very high standard, which means they won’t just take any lover. They hold a partner to even higher standards, which means if they chose you, then you’re pretty much perfect in their eyes. Scorpios have very high self-esteem and can even seem a bit egotistical, but this just means they know their worth, and want someone who knows theirs, too.
8. FIERCELY INDEPENDENT
Finally, a Scorpio won’t ask you for much of anything in the relationship, which means you won’t have to deal with a needy, codependent partner. They already have it figured out, and they don’t want your help unless they explicitly ask for it. They love to do things for themselves, as they don’t trust many other people to get the job done right.
Scorpios have counted on themselves for a long time now, and don’t really know how to do anything differently. They have learned to become their own best friend, so don’t try to get in the way of their independence.
thing, but unless they match those of the mother, they will be rebuffed with a measure of disdain designed to force them onto the back foot. 7. She Rarely Offers A Kind Word To Her Child
Favorite children aside, narcissistic mothers are extremely stingy with regards to the nice things they say.
Compliments, genuine encouragement, and declarations of affection are rarities because the mother chooses to focus her energies on the things her child has done wrong.
She will often criticize them whether they deserve it or not, and even if a softer approach is what’s needed to help. She will demean and degrade their own sense of self worth by flinging regular insults at them, often covertly disguised as neutral comments.
She might talk openly with (or in front of) the child about how much she enjoys the company of other people, but never of the child itself. She doesn’t want them to believe in themselves as fun individuals, but rather as troublesome, unsuccessful people who are nothing but a thorn in her side.
She’ll make general statements about people that contain not-so-subtle messages for her child. She’ll say “nobody loves me” and “people are so selfish” to indirectly accuse her child of these things, while retaining her ability to deflect the statements onto others if the child protests. 8. She Will Grow Envious Of The Child In Later Life
As her child grows up and begins to live an independent life of their own, the narcissistic mother will become envious of the new people, experiences, and things she sees.
Believing herself to be superior to her child, she suffers greatly to see them become happy, content individuals. In a bid to prevent them from outshining her, she will seek to sabotage things in whatever way she can.
She will start demanding more time and attention from the child in order to stifle their new-found life, and she may even ask for money in an attempt to put a strain on their finances.
Any new relationships – particularly romantic ones, but also friendships – will be seen as a challenge to her dominant place in the child’s life. She will do everything in her power to drive a wedge between them and their new friends and lovers.
She will fabricate stories to humiliate her child, she will make snide remarks about their new acquaintances, and she might even outright declare her disdain for them in a bid to make her child choose between them.
She will not be content to sit back and watch her child find happiness without her. 9. She Is Devoid Of Empathy
One of the key traits of narcissists is that they are almost completely devoid of empathy.
They struggle to see things from anyone’s perspective other than their own and they believe that other people feel, think and act as they do. In other words, they have very poor theory of mind.
For mothers like this, it means not being able to understand why their child behaves the way it does.
The response is often one of anger, even if the child is clearly upset, sad or frightened because she is unable to see through their eyes and understand where these feelings are coming from. All she sees is a petulant, ungrateful, trouble-making child.
She won’t comfort them in her arms, cheer them up when they are blue, or give a reassuring word in their ear to ease their pain. In fact, she’ll probably do the complete opposite because it’s all she knows. 10. She Will Manipulate Her Child
The ability and will to manipulate others is another thing that is present in every single narcissist out there.
The means of manipulation are many and varied; they could fill many books in their own right when explored in detail.
Suffice to say that much of what has already been discussed constitutes manipulation, and the general theme is one of control and obedience.
A narcissistic mother will seek to silence their child’s own voice, dictate [...]
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10 Signs Of A Narcissistic Mother
Our parents are the key players in the early stages of our development, and they continue to have a huge impact on us even as we, too, grow into adults.
How they choose to behave towards us – the language they use and the physical treatment they adopt – will help shape our characters and personalities for the rest of our lives.
Both parents exert their influence on children, but this article will focus primarily on the role of the mother and the ways in which narcissism, when present, dictates the interactions that take place.
Narcissistic mothers rarely epitomize the stereotype of a warm, caring, loving provider.
Instead, they struggle to integrate their needs and desires with those of their children, who they might see as mere objects or burdens with which they have to deal.
Identifying a mother suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a matter of spotting the various traits that are likely to be present.
There are many signs for both children (when they grow old enough to understand) and external parties (such as friends, other family members, and local authorities) to be vigilant for. Here are 10 signs of a narcissistic mother: 1. She’ll Use The Child As An Extension Of Herself
One of the primary goals of a narcissist is to create and maintain the appearance and feeling of superiority, particularly when in a public setting. They strive to be the most successful, most intelligent, most witty, and most desirable person in the room. They want other people to look at them with envy so that they may openly congratulate themselves.
A narcissistic mother has a problem, however, because she will now also face judgement over her child and her parenting skills. To counter this threat, she begins to see her child as an extension of herself, one that she can assert absolute control over to preserve her grandiose facade.
She will treat her child as an accessory, a tool to be utilized, and a way to prove her worthiness to others. To this end, she will manage every element of her child’s life like the director of a film would treat his actors.
She will dress them up, tell them what to say and how to behave, force them into hobbies and sports, and push them excessively hard to excel in school.
She will not care for their individuality, their enjoyment, or their emotional development, so long as they do not shatter the vision of perfection she wishes others to see.
It’s her way or the highway, and there’s zero chance of her backing down from something once she has taken a stand. 2. She Won’t Share The Spotlight
Much of the above talk about using a child as an extension of oneself stems from the underlying need all narcissists have to monopolize the spotlight.
They are so desperate for attention, that they are unwilling to share it with anyone, not even their own child.
This presents a challenge because children – especially when young – often become default focal points when groups of family or friends meet.
To counter this threat, she will try to dominate all discussions involving her child, speaking for them or about them rather than to and with them.
She will boast about their achievements while making it very clear of the vital role she played in them.
She will dress them up and show them off, but only so as to take credit for their appearance.
She will take it upon herself to answer any questions that are posed to the child, just so that she can ensure the right answer is given (the right answer being the one that sheds the best light on her).
Even in situations that don’t involve external cast members, she will seek to extract as much attention as she can from her child.
This becomes all the more apparent when[...]
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#breakupEA
4 Ways To Reinvent After A Hurtful Breakup
📍Shock ensues. You have received the news. Your long-term partner no longer wants a relationship. How can it be? The person you laughed with, cried with, and thought you would spend the rest of your life with no longer wants you. It’s a crushing, stinging, excruciatingly personal rebuke. Your heart races. Thoughts condense to “What have I done to make him stop loving me?” And then comes waves of almost involuntary self-analysis: questioning everything, your personality, your physical appearance, something you might have said or didn’t say.
If you are caught in the grip of this self-sacrificing cascade, please, cease and deist. Endless self-scrutiny will get you nowhere and in fact will prolong and intensify your hurt. Here are 4 ways to transform this rejection into something worthwhile for you and for your future.
1. Life Without Rejection? I ask you to consider, what would it be like if you never felt rejected romantically? What if everyone you desired always desired you? I know, I know, as hurt as you are in this moment this may sound terrific. But let’s take it a step further; what would life be if we always got what we want and never experienced setback? Your feelings now are uncomfortable, even intolerable, but the pain you feel means you are facing them. And as you do so, you are growing and becoming a stronger person. Setbacks are inevitable. Perhaps you have gotten this far in life without one but, for most of us, it’s not if but when will we encounter the next serious setback. Never experiencing romantic rejection means you lived, so far, a sheltered life. As you work through the ending of your relationship and show yourself that you can survive and even be better as a result, you will become emotionally stronger. When difficult things spring on you in the future, you will be more resilient, because you have coped before. And too, when love comes again you will cherish it, attending to it tenderly, knowing that it deserves your full gratitude and attention.
2. Develop A Growth Mindset: Research shows that people who look at their breakups as permanent statements about their worth take longer to recover and do not grow or improve as a result. In order to grow, you must NOT look at the ending of your relationship as a statement of your worth as a human being. It’s a setback, albeit a difficult and painful one. But take it as a way to further develop specific areas of growth, as opposed to a final verdict about you not being good enough. Rejection is part of the human condition. For many, each relationship that doesn’t work out has within it the tools to craft the next one so it will be more fulfilling. Use it as a learning experience for your future, not as something that defines you.
3. Undertake An Emotional Makeover: Steer clear of gimmicks suggesting a makeover of the physical you will somehow bring romantic bliss and happiness—at best this only scratches the surface. Instead, take on an emotional makeover. Relationship endings are opportunities to forge ahead into personal growth. For example, do you wish to better understand and cope with your emotions? Or, do you need to take more social risks and develop relationships with new types that will challenge you to grow? Do you wish to improve your communication skills? Or, perhaps you want to build up your relationship with yourself, all on your own, so that you can be more independent in your next serious relationship?
4. Think Bigger Than You Have Previously: Become keenly aware for the ways in which you may engage in self-defeating patterns when it comes to romance. Ask in what ways do you limit yourself from getting more of what you want? Were there ways you were unhappy in this recent union but accepted it anyway by telling yourself this is the best you can do? Did you tolerate poor treatment from your significant other? Think bigger about yourself and what you want out of life—romantically, financially, professionally—in every way.
#HappylivingEA
The difference between happiness & joy. And why it helps to know.
🌱There’s a difference between the definition of happiness and the definition of joy. It’s valuable to be aware of this because when things get tough , logic might want you to default to despair, or utter sadness or worse, you might think you have to choose between hardship and joy, or support and separation, or light and dark.
“Consciousness is not an either/or equation. It’s about bothness.”
The capacity to expand into bothness — the awareness of your joy in all circumstances — is so much of what it means to evolve.
“I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, wracked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.”
Happiness is like rising bubbles — delightful and inevitably fleeting. Joy is the oxygen — ever present.
Happiness is always passing through. It can claim your full attention for the ten seconds it takes to swallow a sip of incredible coffee. Or it can stream through your being for weeks on end. But happiness can’t hold the same space as sadness, or anger, or the range of so-called “negative” emotions for very long. This is why it’s transitory.
Joy is the fibre of your Soul.
It’s the stuff of your essence. And since you, your Soul, can never be annihilated (yes, that would make you eternal and omnipresent), your access to joy never vanishes. Because joy is so foundational to your true being, every other state or emotion can rest on top of joy, it can accommodate everything.
This means that it’s possible to grieve with your whole heart, and still sense your joy. You can feel rage, and be aware of joy waiting patiently for you to return, and take deep comfort in that.
“You can get fired, dumped, dumped on, and pulled through the eye of a needle, and still feel held by the container of joy — the truth of your existence. ”
When you arrive at this awareness (you’ll likely have to go through the ringer to get there), your logical mind is going to be confused.
“I’m going through hell. This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me…so what’s this mighty warmth I feel within? I must be losing it. I must be in denial. I should get back to misery.”
Stay with the misery. Stay with the mighty warmth emanating from within.
“I’m aching over this loss, so can this aching gratitude in my core be real? Am I betraying my memories? Am I denying my pain?” Not at all. You’re expanding .
When you see joy beside the agony, you have the keen vision of a Soul warrior.
It has never failed that when I have been through the most heart-breaking passages of my life — betrayal, financial hardship, divorce, dreams dashed — the pain brought me to the floor of my being, and what was there to be found?
The simple joy of being alive. So cosmically basic it’s mind-blowing: the joy to be here, connected, animated, breathing, blessed, resilient, to be broken, to be open, to have what was, what’s left, what’s coming. The joy just to be part of reality .
Happiness. Love it when it comes.
Joy. It’s the love that lasts no matter what.
Written with love by Sir ℳarita
#LifestyleEA
What Is Your Psychological Superpower?
🔹Millions of people suffer from feelings of anxiety, depression, phobias, obsessions, addiction disorders or other psychological problems, but confronting and healing from what are labeled as “disorders” can give you a psychological superpower that others cannot begin to understand.
No, you won’t have X-Ray vision or invisibility superpowers, but recovering from mental illness gives you psychological super-strength and superpowers that you can use every day. People who struggle with handling their psychological symptoms can harness an inner strength that is different from what normal people experience.
Think about people who are crazy in a good way, and you think of artists, composers, and intellectual geniuses. People who can successfully manage coping with bizarre thoughts and emotional stress while also functioning in jobs and families have superpowers that the rest of us cannot understand.
WHAT IS YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL SUPERPOWER?
According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, one out of every four adults has a mental illness in a given year. That number translated to more than 61 million people in America who were facing the challenge of mental illness as of 2013.
1. PERCEPTIVE PSYCHOLOGICAL SUPERPOWERS
People who have low self-esteem may suffer from the psychological problems of anxiety or depression. They are also hyper-sensitive to criticism and can pick up on tiny inflections in your voice. They are also hyper-sensitive to facial expressions, gestures, and environmental cues of social rejection.
You have seen the superpower of excellent perception used on TV if you have ever seen the crime-comedy Monk. When you think that everyone is looking at you, you feel like you are under a microscope so you start looking at everything else in hyper-detail with this psychological superpower too.
Unfortunately, the lens that people with anxiety or depression see the world through has a bias toward negativity. If they can turn off the negative filter, people with anxiety and depression can better use their psychological superpowers of perception for good, not evil.
2. INTUITIVE PSYCHOLOGICAL SUPERPOWERS
Your gut is hyperactive and highly sensitive. It seems to overreact to anxiety-provoking moments and as a result, you know immediately if there is a reason to be afraid. Unfortunately your psychological superpower also means that the stress you feel causes gas, bloating, and abdominal discomfort in addition to giving you your psychological superpower of intuitiveness.
You can definitely trust your gut, and from your perspective, you think other people should too. The problem is that you can’t trust your perspective because you are recovering from having distorted thoughts due to being mentally ill. You might not be able to trust your friend’s perspective either because one in four of us have a mental illness of some sort.
3. EMPATHIC AND HYPER-SOCIAL-CUE PSYCHOLOGICAL SUPERPOWERS
If you suffer from what is labeled as a “mental illness”, you are very empathetic to others due to the wide range of emotional extremes that you experience. You understand extreme grief and inexplicable sorrow, or you may understand manic joy or extreme anxiety better than anyone else. Being able to provide empathy is a social and psychological super power.
As someone who is recovering from depression, you are highly sensitive to social cues of rejection due to your low self-esteem issues. When others are oblivious to the turning of heads and whispered glances, you know exactly when you are being publicly shamed into leaving a social group due to being different.
4. CREATIVE PSYCHOLOGICAL SUPERPOWERS
Creative “mentally ill” people who unleash their psychological superpowers have left their mark on the arts of our culture for centuries. Your superpower ability to think outside the box helps you to creatively solve problems.
By: Sir ℳarita
#HealthEA
5 Tips to Deal With Insomnia
📍If you want to change a habit, getting enough sleep is a key first step.
Recently I had a bad night of tossing and turning. I was up for a few hours, then overslept the next morning.
And while I was lying there, unable to sleep, I knew I was violating some of the beat-the-insomnia advice that experts give. Though, true, to give myself credit, I was following some advice.
These tips were on my mind, because I’d just read Andrea Petersen’s Wall Street Journal piece “Middle-of-the-Night Insomnia Blues.”
I violated one of the most basic back-to-sleep tips — the tip to get up, rather than toss and turn.
If you have trouble with insomnia, here are some of the tips from the article:
1. If you’re wide awake, get up.
I just kept lying there thinking, “I should get up.” Somehow, I couldn’t muster the energy to get up. I would’ve been a little cold, when I got out from under the covers, and I didn’t feel like reading my book…so I just stayed put. Bad idea.
2. I love this tip: If you watch TV, wear sunglasses.
Hilarious! It helps to block the light that will mess up your circadian rhythm. I couldn’t watch TV during my insomnia because (this is embarrassing to admit) my family and I were staying in a rental house, and I didn’t know how to turn on the TV. TV-watching is so confusing these days. If I’d been wide awake, I could’ve figured out how to manage the TV, but I couldn’t face the challenge in the middle of the night.
3. Don’t eat.
I make a point not to eat between dinner and breakfast, as a habit for healthy eating, but the article makes an interesting additional argument: middle-of-the-night eating can condition you to keep doing it in the future. I was reminded of a dog-training story I just read: a couple had trouble because their dog kept waking them up in the middle of the night to eat. Turned out that the dog had been conditioned to do that, because they’d had a new baby, and the father was getting up to the feed the baby, and at the same time, he gave the dog a snack. The baby started sleeping through the night, but the dog still wanted the snack.
4. Don’t sleep late the next morning.
Which I did, by accident. Usually I set my alarm, and I really don’t know why I forgot to set it that night. Bad timing, but fortunately, I slept well the next night.
5. If you get up, keep lights dim.
I’m good about doing this. It really does help. When we moved into our apartment, I was careful to make sure to put dimmable lights in the bathroom.
Interesting fact I learned: “Waking up–and staying up–in the middle of the night is more common than having trouble falling asleep.”
I wrote more sleep-related tips here: 14 tips for getting more sleep–and why it matters.
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