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Live Bold and Bloom
Tips on Making a Career Change at 40
When I was 48, I decided to change careers.
I’d spent my entire professional life working in public relations, in corporate and agency settings, as well as having my own consultancy.
I stopped working for a while when my children were young, then picked up my consultancy work when they were older, then cut back again to help my oldest daughter pursue her dream of becoming a professional ballet dancer.
Once she left home to pursue her career, I could have easily jumped back into my public relations consultancy and been assured of a steady income working in a profession where I was experienced and comfortable.
But something happens to us at mid-life. We wake up one day and suddenly the status quo is no longer interesting or even acceptable. We begin to question the life we’ve been living, the work we’ve devoted ourselves to for so many years.
You start asking yourself existential questions like, “Why am I doing all of this? What is my purpose here? Is this really all there is?”
Sometimes this happens as the result of children leaving home. Sometimes you are shaken up by a life crisis like a divorce, job loss, or death. Or it simply could be the dawning realization you’ve come to the halfway point in your life, and you’re watching time slip away faster and faster.
For me it was a little bit of all of those things that contributed to my decision to step away from my PR career and go on a search for something different — something that felt more authentic, exciting, and purposeful.
Deciding to change careers at midlife was not the safest route. At least it didn’t seem so at the time. I’d been feeling rumblings of dissatisfaction and restlessness for years, but I kept pushing through, doing what I’d been doing because I didn’t know what else to do.
But when I had the opportunity to really crank up my PR consultancy again after my daughter left home, I simply couldn’t do it. I hit an emotional brick wall. Every time I tried to take on a new client, or create a campaign for an existing client, my inner resistance was overwhelming.
So I began a search for my life passion, a career that would excite me again and make me want to jump out of bed in the morning. The main problem was my lack of career experience in anything except public relations. Starting a new career meant starting over completely.
I went to coaching school, started a coaching practice, and created an online business with absolutely no experience or knowledge in what I was doing. In retrospect I see that many of the skills I had as a PR professional have helped me tremendously in my online business.
At the time I began my business, I was financially stable enough to afford to go back to school and build a business from scratch. But I knew that financial safety net would last only so long. Even with some amount of financial security, I knew I was taking a risk, and it was scary.
Through my personal journey, I learned a lot about changing careers at midlfe, and in my work as a life coach, I’ve helped many people through this same process. Here are some tips on how to make a career change at 40:
Ask the all-important question
If you’re unhappy in your career, then you’ve likely toyed with the idea of starting over. But maybe your fears of the unknown are holding you back. That’s a perfectly natural and positive reaction. Anyone who jumps headfirst into a new career without a bit of fear isn’t being smart.
The way to push past this fear in the beginning is to ask this all-important question: “Will I regret not going for it?” Will you look back on your life in five, ten, or twenty years and think, “If only I’d taken the initiative to start over when I was (fill in the age)”?
You have plenty of time to start over now and build[...]
#Communication
Golden rules of communication that should be remembered always
1. Do not hoard resentment – it's worth it. You must learn to forgive. It is necessary not to another, and primarily you. It is not necessary to continue to communicate with the offender.
2. No offense to children to what they don't understand. To understand, you have to pass the same course of life. Between your large temporal distance. It was and will be. The problem of fathers and children – the eternal problem.
3. Doing good, don't expect good. Don't expect that others love you, respect. Learn to get pleasure from what you are giving and do good when there is a call of the soul, but not when you are forcing.
"Blessed is he who expects nothing because he will never be disappointed".
4. Do not criticize! "Criticism is useless because it forces the person to defend and, as a rule, to strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous because it strikes at his pride, offends a sense of self-importance and causes resentment"
5. Don't argue. Anyway nobody can prove anything. Each is in his way. Still others cannot understand you because he has a different life experience.
"There is only one way to win an argument and is to avoid it".
6. Do not impose your past around if you don't ask. Any action imposed, even love – is aggression.
7. Appreciating the other person's behavior, try to take into account the situation and circumstances. Our positive image "I" is largely due to the fact that we are unable to forgive yourself for inappropriate behavior, citing the unfavorable situation and circumstances, but do not forgive another, building it a portrait, based on the situation and circumstances.
8. Do not demand and do not expect from other similarities with you. There are different "types" of people with different levels of consciousness and self-awareness. These species differences between humans are the same as between different kinds of animals (ant, elephant, monkey, etc.). But even among people of the same species there are individual differences. So do not be surprised of the difference of the thoughts, actions, motives, and values.
@expertadvice™
4 Ways to Think and Act Like a Superhero
What are the psychological benefits of feeling powerful and benevolent?
I recently came across this story of a 5-year old boy, dressed in a batman costume, who helped rescue an infant locked inside a car in dangerous, sweltering heat. What caused this boy to risk his safety and come to the baby’s rescue?
Or, consider the case of a retired nurse who uses her pension fund to feed hungry children and senior citizens in Arkansas. When asked why she does it, she replied, “There was a problem that needed to be addressed, and someone had to set an example.”
What are the factors that cause and enable people to help others? How can we ourselves think and act like superheroes?
Superhero Mindset. First and foremost, it is important to self-identify as a person who will and can help others.
The bands serve to remind people to behave like “everyday heroes” – to take action in helping others when the opportunities present themselves.
Mindfulness . A critical element in being aware of those around you who need help or assistance is to be mindful -- in short, to be aware of what is going on around you. If you see someone who needs help, and using your hero mindset, take action. I remember that right after a brief course on the Heimlich maneuver, I heard a man choking on the other side of the restaurant. Because I still had the Heimlich technique on my mind, I felt like I was the one who could help, and rushed by the group of stunned onlookers and helped the choking man. My awareness and mindfulness “called” me to action.
Self-Efficacy. This is the feeling of confidence that you CAN do something. The retired nurse in Arkansas realized that she had limited financial resources, but she decided that she could indeed make a difference to feed a few hungry individuals, and her efforts and example have led to a very large program to alleviate hunger . She believed she could do it and she did.
Empathy. A critical element of all heroes is empathy for those who need our help and assistance. A hero recognizes the suffering and need of others, and is moved to help rather than criticize or ignore.
So the bottom line is this: Live life like a superhero and help others whenever possible. Many small actions can lead up to big outcomes.©
#communication
When your partner asks if you are okay with something and you respond with, ‘It’s fine’ do you mean it’s fine or is that code for ‘It’s actually not fine at all’?
How well do you honestly and authentically communicate in your relationship?
Most people are never taught how to communicate effectively. Without this knowledge, it becomes difficult to have a healthy, intimate connection with a partner. The most common communication myth is that if you’re talking to your partner, you are effectively communicating. That is not necessarily so. If you are communicating inauthentically by speaking in code (saying fine when you don’t mean fine) or acting out your feelings instead of expressing them with words, you’re simply communicating badly and ineffectively.
All family systems have their own style of communication. In some families, most conversations are actually debates with winners and losers. Some have a silent agreement to avoid discussing anything negative or messy, which leads to difficulty with effective problem solving (how can you solve what you don’t acknowledge?) In most dysfunctional family systems, deeply listening is not taught or valued. This leads many couples to struggle with communicating in a meaningful and satisfying way, which is the objective of effective communication. Couples who endlessly give each other unsolicited advice with the desire to ‘fix’ something are driven by their own discomfort and anxiety. How much listening is actually happening in these exchanges? Active or as I like to call it athletic listening is also a crucial piece to the communication puzzle. Think about your own communication style. Do you repeat back what your partner has said, to ensure that you understood them correctly?
Communication can make or break a relationship and how you communicate with your significant other is an excellent indicator of how you communicate in every other relationship in your life.™
How to love yourself
Love of self is the source of true happiness, good relations to peace and cordial relations with other people. We all know that it is very important to accept and love yourself. But how to do this in practice?
1. Stop criticising
Criticism never changes. Refrain from criticism of yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, you are changing positively.
2. Stop bullying yourself
Stop terrorizing yourself by your own thoughts. This is a terrible way of life. Find a way that is pleasing to you, and immediately switch from terrifying your thoughts to pleasant.
3. Be generous, kind and patient.
Be generous to yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient, as you learn a new way of thinking. Treat yourself as a true loved one.
4. Be kind to your mind.
To hate yourself means to hate your thoughts. It is not necessary to do this. Better change them.
5. Praise yourself.
Criticism destroys the inner spirit. Praise strengthens it. Praise yourself as much as possible. Tell yourself how well you cope with every little thing
6. Keep.
Find ways to support Yourself. Contact your friends and let them help you, it is natural to ask for help when you need it
7. Love your shortcomings.
Be aware that you yourself have created to satisfy some of your needs. Now you are looking for new positive ways to meet your needs. So gently get rid of old negative patterns of behavior.
8. Take care of your body.
Learn how to eat right. What food is needed by your body to support optimal energy and vitality? Learn exercise. Which ones give you pleasure? And it doesn't have to be heavy exhausting sport, it is possible your body will be delighted, simple spontaneous dancing.. Dearly love and respect the temple in which you live.
9. Work with a mirror.
Most look yourself in the eye. Show feelings of growing love for yourself. Looking in the mirror, forgive yourself. Looking in the mirror, talk to your parents and forgive them. At least once a day say to yourself: "I love You, I really love you."
10. Do it right now.
Don't wait until you have established business, you will lose weight, find a new job or make new connections. Start now and do everything you can.
Love yourself and be happy!©
#experience
3 Reasons Why People Who Feel Entitled End Up Miserable
When we expect special treatment, we're bound to be disappointed
A recent article reviewed many studies on entitlement, which the authors summarized as "pervasive and enduring feelings of deservingness for more goods, services, or special treatment than others...with or without any dutifully earned right to those benefits."
No doubt we all know people who fit this description—the student who expects a good grade without putting in the effort; the friend who always expects you to be available but is never there for you; the family member who expects to be waited on by everyone else.
The article proposes three main problems with an exaggerated sense of entitlement:
Entitlement inevitably leads to disappointment.
When a person expects everything to turn out his way (regardless of the effort he invests), he's bound to be disappointed. For example, students with high entitlement are more likely to be disappointed with their grades. Further, being overly entitled leads to broken relationships, in part because entitlement is linked to excessively high standards for others.
Disappointment leads to suffering.
When an overly entitled person's unrealistic expectations aren't met, the resulting disappointment often leads to anger and resentment. These emotional reactions tend to damage relationships, whether with a teacher, boss, family member, romantic partner, or other. As the authors note, not even God gets a free pass when expectations of entitlement are violated. Among those with a strong sense of entitlement, personal suffering is likely to lead to "hostility and frustration" toward God.
Self-protective efforts maintain entitlement.
Disappointment can threaten the ego of a highly entitled person by suggesting that he or she isn't so special after all. To protect their ego, the person is likely to blame others for the disappointment, which reinforces their sense of entitlement. For example, as the study authors note, a highly entitled person who is fired for poor job performance may blame her boss, saying he was threatened by her superior abilities. Thus what could be a corrective experience actually strengthens one's sense of specialness.
The authors of the study aren't overly optimistic that this trait can be changed, although they briefly discuss ways that therapy might address entitlement. They suggest that a therapist could explore how a person interprets expectations that aren't met.
While it's easy to see others' excessive entitlement, it can be harder to see more nuanced versions in ourselves. Most of us carry some expectation that life will be fair, that our car won't break down, that we'll have a steady income and low-cost health care, and that we'll be healthy and live until we're 90. While we can hope for these things, none of these wishes is guaranteed.
I once treated a woman who had a terrible medical crisis in the middle of her treatment. She came through it with a deep appreciation for all subsequent experiences. She described being thankful even to experience a painful medical procedure, because she knew she had almost reached the end of all experiences in this life. When we believe that life owes us nothing, we have infinite opportunities to experience gratitude —even in the midst of pain and disappointment.©
minate him.
5. Uncomfortable Discussing Emotional Topics
You want your love partner to be there for you when you are dealing with painful or confusing emotions. Sadly, the emotionally distant man has difficulty being fully present with your feelings.
He can't simply listen with empathy and support your feelings. Either he deflects his discomfort by offering practical solutions, or he dismisses your feelings altogether by diminishing them or not listening to you.
6. Defensive and Quick to Anger
Anger is a socially acceptable emotion for men, and often it is the go-to reaction when things get too "touchy feely" or intimate with your guy.
If you suggest something like, "You seem really sad today," his response is reactive and defensive. "I'm not sad. Don't tell me how I'm feeling. You don't know what you're talking about."
This defensiveness and anger can pop up any time he feels threatened, vulnerable, or trapped.
7. Suggests You Are Too Sensitive or Needy
Deflecting the blame on to you is a common strategy for emotionally unavailable men.
Rather than accepting or acknowledging his inability to connect and share his feelings, this man will turn the tables to suggest your needs are unacceptable or over the top.
Your desire for closeness and intimacy reflects a weakness on your part, not a deficiency on his.
8. Quick to Blame Others
When someone says or does something that reflects poorly on your guy's demeanor or behavior, he is quick to blame the other person rather than examine the possibility of his own flaws.
Often emotionally distant men are lacking in empathy and view the world through the lens of their skewed perceptions. They can't or won't see how their words and behaviors are impacting other people.
When someone highlights this issue, the emotionally unavailable man will deny and attack.
9. Rarely Self-Reflective or Self-Aware
Emotionally unavailable men don't spend much time reflecting on their own behaviors and personal growth. They aren't motivated to become more self-aware and empathic.
These men have trouble stepping back to look at themselves and how they are impacting others, particularly you. They are much more comfortable with achievement, action, and control.
10. Difficulty Showing Non-Sexual Affection
Emotionally distant men can view physical touch as overwhelming or unnecessary unless it leads to sex or is part of sex. They don't often initiate hugging, cuddling, or hand-holding.
They might feel uncomfortable with public displays of affection or act put upon if you request physical affection.You might notice they pull away or stiffen up when you are affectionate with them.
They might even appear disgusted or agitated when you touch them because it feels like an invasion rather than an intimate, loving gesture.
11. Disinterested in Your Feelings and Needs
If you try to express your relationship needs -- for more intimacy, affection, and closeness -- he will either give you lip service, diminish your feelings, or blow you off entirely.
He doesn't want to hear that he's not enough and that you need more from him. That's either a blow to his ego or a confusing conundrum that he doesn't understand. "What does she want from me? I don't get it, why am I not enough?"
12. Often Self-Centered and Needing Attention
Men who are emotionally unavailable are often too busy with themselves to have much more to give to you.
They want constant attention, affirmation, and praise, and they may view you as an extension of themselves whose sole purpose is to make them look good.
Your needs and desires are a distraction that puts the focus on the wrong person: you rather than him.
Behind this need for attention may be a deeply insecure, needy person who needs constant propping up. This is sad, but it's not a healthy foundation for an intimate relationship.
13. Overly Focused on Sex but Not Emotional Closeness
Live Bold and Bloom
Emotionally Unavailable Men: 16 Intimacy Killing Traits No One Tells You About
When she first met him, Laura thought she had hit the relationship jackpot.
Jason was handsome, successful, charming, funny, and intelligent. She felt proud to be on his arm, to be the one he wanted to spend his time with.
Who wouldn't want to be with Jason? He was amazing. He was a catch in anyone's estimation. His attention, flattery, and confidence won Laura over after the first few dates.
Laura fell hard and fast, but she knew she had to pace herself. She didn't want to overwhelm Jason with the strength of her feelings. She didn't want to push him away and into the arms of someone else.
For the time being, his charm and attention were enough.
Initially it didn't bother Laura that Jason was reserved and kept his deeper feelings to himself. She assumed he wanted to take it slow, to really get to know her before he expressed his feelings.
But after several months of dating exclusively, Laura continued to feel a wall between them every time she tried to get closer to Jason.
When she looked into his eyes, wanting to communicate the depth of her feelings without blurting them out, Jason always looked away uncomfortably.
After six months, he still hadn't said, "I love you," or given her much of a hint about his feelings for her -- except that he continued to see her, so that was something, right?
During lovemaking, Jason also avoided eye contact and intimate talk, and would get up quickly to shower after they finished, leaving Laura confused about her desirability and his feelings for her.
She felt she was doing something wrong or turning him off in some way, but his demeanor made it hard to talk to him about it.
Jason was happy to talk about work or sports or their upcoming plans, but when she wanted to discuss how she was feeling, he would be dismissive, change the subject, or crack a joke.
Even so, Laura hung in there and tried harder, thinking that if she just gave it more time, was more patient and understanding, he'd open up, show his true self, and they would connect on a deeper level.
Unfortunately, it wasn't until 20 years into their marriage with several children, that Laura finally realized Jason was simply a shallow pool. He wasn't going to give her more.
He was never going to be emotionally intimate, vulnerable, and connected in the way she needed him to be.
The Trauma of Being with An Emotionally Unavailable Man
When you're in a romantic relationship, you expect it to deepen over time. You expect your partner to grow closer and closer emotionally, so you create a "couple bubble" of intimacy between you.
If you are open, trustworthy, and authentic, you expect the same from your partner.
But when your guy can't open up, can only focus on himself or on superficial topics, and he refuses to reveal his "softer underbelly," the relationship is bound to stagnate and eventually wither away.
A relationship with an emotionally unavailable man can be deeply traumatizing.
In fact these kinds of relationships can traumatize you twice: once by the loss of a real relationship and emotional abandonment by this man you love, and also by the feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem his detachment creates.
Whether it's intentional or not, emotional unavailability if a form of emotional abuse. For the woman involved with an emotionally unavailable man, it feels as though you're being deprived of the one thing you need most in a relationship -- real love.
Even if your partner says he loves you, his behavior and demeanor make you feel unworthy of love. You do backflips trying to win crumbs of connection and closeness until you believe crumbs are the best you'll ever get and all you deserve.
Emotionally unavailable men are[...]
#motviation
In charge
Your situation will never make you happy unless you choose to be happy. All the money in the world cannot change the way you feel until you change the way you feel.
No, your feelings do not alter the circumstances. Yet they radically change what you do with the circumstances.
If you feel optimistic, you will see the opportunities and seize them. If you feel despair, you will find plenty of reasons to confirm your feelings.
So which will it be? How will you choose to see the world, your life, your situation today?
For every person, crafting a life of quality and fulfillment is difficult work. Your attitude determines whether that work results in reward or punishment.
You’re in charge of the one factor that decides how to handle all the other factors. Choose the most beneficial outcome by choosing the most positive perspective.
©Expert Advice
#motviation
SEVEN LEADERSHIP PRINCIPLES TO LEARN FROM AN EAGLE....
1. Eagles fly Alone and at High Altitudes.
They don't fly with sparrows, ravens, and other small birds.
MEANING; Stay away from narrow-minded people, those that bring you down. Eagle flies with Eagles. Keep good company.
2. Eagles have an Accurate Vision. They have the ability to focus on something as far as 5km away. No matter the obstacles, the eagle will not move his focus from the prey until he grabs it.
MEANING; Have a vision and remain focused no matter what the obstacles and you will succeed.
3. Eagles do not Eat Dead things. They Feed only on Fresh Prey.
MEANING; Do not rely on your past success, keep looking for new frontiers to conquer. Leave your past where it belongs, in the past.
4. Eagles Love the Storm.
When clouds gather, the eagle gets excited, the eagle uses the storms wind to lift itself higher. Once it finds the wind of the storm, the eagle uses the raging storm to lift itself above the clouds. This gives the eagle an opportunity to glide and rest its wings. In the meantime, all the other birds hide in the branches and leaves of the tree.
MEANING; Face your challenges head on knowing that these will make you emerge stronger and better than you were. We can use the storms of life to rise to greater heights. Achievers are not afraid to rise to greater heights. Achievers are not afraid of challenges, rather they relish them and use them profitably.
5. When a Female Eagle Meets a Male Eagle and they want to mate, she flies down to earth, picks a twig and flies back into the air with the male eagle in hot pursuit. Once she has reached a height high enough for her, she drops the twig and let it fall to the ground while she watches. The male eagle chases after the twig and catches it before it reached the ground, then bring it back to the female eagle. The female eagle grabs the twig and flies to a much higher altitude and drop the twig again for the male eagle to chase. This goes on for hours with the height increasing each time until the female eagle is assured that the male eagle has mastered the art of picking the twig which shows commitment. Then and only then will she allow him to mate with her.
MEANING; Whether in private life or business, one should test the commitment of the people intended for partnership.
6. Eagles Prepare for Training; They remove the feathers and soft grass in the nest so that the young ones get uncomfortable in preparation for flying and eventually flies when it becomes unbearable to stay in the nest.
MEANING; Leave your Comfort Zone, there is No Growth There.
7. When the Eagle Grows Old, his feathers becomes weak and cannot take him as fast and as high as it should. This makes him weak and could make him die. So he retires to a place far away in the mountains. While there, he plucks out the weak feathers on his body and breaks its beaks and claws against the rocks until he is completely bare; a very bloody and painful process. Then he stays in this hiding place until he has grown new feathers, new beaks and claws and then he comes out flying higher than before.
MEANING; We occasionally need to shed off old habit no matter how difficult, things that burden us or add no value to our lives should be let go of.
YES, NEVER GIVE UP,
BE AN EAGLE, NEVER EVER GIVE UP !!!
🎷 I got this awesome message from our Community 🌴 and honestly I loved it, so I thought of sharing with you. 😉
#personality, #SocialLife
What the 5 Major Personality Traits Mean for You
Your personality influences everything from the friends you choose to the candidates you vote for, yet many people never spend much time thinking about their personality traits. Understanding your personality can give you insight into your strengths and weaknesses. It can also help you gain insight into how others see you.
Most modern-day psychologists agree there are five major personality types, referred to as the "five-factor model," and everyone possesses some degree of each.
1. Conscientiousness
People who rank highest in conscientiousness are efficient, well-organized, dependable, and self-sufficient. They prefer to plan things in advance and aim for high achievement. People who rank lower in conscientiousness may view those with this personality trait as stubborn and obsessive.
💡Fun fact: Studies show that marrying someone high in conscientiousness increases your own chance of workplace success, as a conscientious spouse can boost your productivity and help you achieve the most.
2. Extroversion
People who rank high in extroversion gain energy from social activity. They're talkative, outgoing, and comfortable in the spotlight—but others may view them as domineering or attention-seeking.
💡 Fun fact: Be on the lookout for a strong handshake. Studies show that men with the strongest handgrips are most likely to rank high in extroversion and least likely to be neurotic (see below). However, the same doesn't hold true for women.
3. Agreeableness
Those who rank high in agreeableness are trustworthy, kind, and affectionate toward others. They're known for pro-social behavior and are often committed to volunteer work and altruistic activities. Other people, however, may view them as naïve and overly passive.
💡Fun fact: Seek a financial investor who is high in agreeableness. Studies show that agreeable investors are least likely to lose money from risky trading. But you may want to avoid an investor who's high in openness—that personality trait is associated with overconfidence, which can lead an investor to take excessive risks.
4. Openness to Experience
People who rate high in openness are known for having a broad range of interests and vivid imaginations. They're curious and creative, and tend to prefer variety to rigid routines. They're known for their pursuits of self-actualization through intense, euphoric experiences, like meditative retreats or living abroad. Others may view them as unpredictable and unfocused.
💡Fun fact: Openness is the only personality trait that consistently predicts political orientation. Studies show that people high in openness are more likely to endorse liberalism and more likely to express their political beliefs in general.
5. Neuroticism
Neurotic people experience a high degree of emotional instability. They're more likely to be reactive and excitable, and they report higher degrees of unpleasant emotions like anxiety and irritability. Other people may view them as unstable and insecure.
💡Fun fact: Neurotic people seek acceptance by publishing a lot of pictures on Facebook . Studies find they're less likely to post comments or updates that could be seen as controversial, and much more likely to post lots of pictures. (They also have the most photos per album.)
Understanding the Basics of Personality
An individual's personality remains relatively stable over time. The traits you exhibited at age seven are likely to predict much of your behavior as an adult. You can, of course, change some of your traits—it takes hard work and effort to make big changes, but most researchers agree that it is possible.
📍#inspiration, #motivation, #deepthought
The taste of life
Imagine for a moment that you are standing on the edge of a cliff, or just on some level, and now you will fall. Fall. Ahead.
You might save yourself , but likely not.
What do you think in these seemingly final moments of life? About how you look or about their financial difficulties? Or that something hurts or could it be about plans for tomorrow? Maybe you will be interested in what is happening around, out of habit?
Doubtful.
What will feel in those few seconds of falling? Clearly not resentment, fear, uncertainty, cold, heat, and other "leftist" feelings... So what?
Immerse yourself in these sensations, imagine as realistically as possible the process of falling and the last moments...
Incredible, but you will not care who you care about will be what he feels, thinks your body what it looks like and generally what is happening around. You will eagerly absorb the last drop of his ending life, clinging to every millimeter of a second and the maximum being present in them, as if embracing and loving the world, fully taking in all its diversity and beauty... You will behold, like a movie in "slow motion" view, attending to every detail, soaking it.
Most interesting is that in childhood, especially early, and lived. Life felt bright and colorful in any routine, you tasted it, your whole being was a celebration of life. Were you happy with the possibility to live from the presence of the body. It is true, first, original attitude and sense of self identical to the sensations in the fall.
Stop. The question arises:what prevents to live now? To live without the "fall", before the "fall"? To live, grabbing every moment, loving and appreciating it, that would be around not happened, without being distracted by all sorts of illusions, to live here and now fully, totally?
The answer is absolutely nothing.
While no one can make you depressed, the conditions and limitations that you experience in your relationship can create a negative environment that contribute to a negative mood. Knowing the signs that your relationship is on a negative downturn can help you to make a choice to make a change to a life of positivity.
💡10SIGNS YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS MAKING YOU DEPRESSED
1. YOU HAVE NO SAY IN WHAT HAPPENS FROM DAY TO DAY
Lacking control over what happens in your relationship every day is an indication that your partner is exerting more than their fair share of control. Each of you should have an equal say in distribution of chores, choice of activities, monetary decisions, etc.
2. YOU FEAR YOUR PARTNER’S REACTION
Anger from your partner can make you withdraw even further into isolation, which is a sign of depression. Avoiding communication with your partner will not fix the depressed feelings that you are having, but will only make them worse.
3. YOU ARE DEPENDENT ON YOUR PARTNER
Researchers at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign looked at the impact that depression has on relationships. Although the researchers looked at people who had already been diagnosed with depression and were open about it with their partners, their findings revealed 8 negative factors that can be used as signs of depression.
8 negative effects of depression on a relationship:
👉emotional toll
👉romance and sexual intimacy problems
👉communication problems
👉isolation
👉lack of energy/motivation
👉dependence on the relationship
👉lack of understanding
👉uncertainty
4. YOU FEEL THE BURDEN OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Your relationship rests like a weight on your chest, making you feel immobilized and unable to leave, move, or change things for the better. It takes great inner courage and strength to recognize the relationship that is making you depressed and resolve to move on.
5. YOU’VE WITHDRAWN FROM SOCIAL ACTIVITIES
Lack of social support can include a lack of support from family members as well.
You may feel that your partner doesn’t want you to see your friends, but doing so is important to your mental health. Don’t allow your relationship to make you feel more depressed by avoiding the friends and family members who can help you to work through your feelings about your partner.
6. YOU HAVE A DESIRE TO FIX THINGS, BUT NO ENERGY TO DO SO
You wish for a more happy, positive relationship with your partner, but the literal energy that it takes to work on your problems is not within your reach. Depression can often lead to a lack of physical energy that feels like you are unable to act, even if it is going to make things better.
7. YOU CONTRIBUTE MORE THAN YOUR PARTNER DOES TO THE RELATIONSHIP
Perhaps you do more of the domestic work than your partner does, or you contribute more financially. There is sometimes an unequal distribution of work in a relationship, but it will only be making you feel depressed if you are resentful of the imbalance and unable to change it.
8. YOU CAN’T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME YOU AND YOUR PARTNER LAUGHED TOGETHER
If you were experiencing more joy and positive emotions in your relationship, you wouldn’t be wondering if your relationship is making you depressed. Happiness is visible in the number of smiles and the amount of laughter shared by loving partners. If you are missing this key positive emotional element, you may be feeling depressed.
9. YOU WORRY ABOUT THE FUTURE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP
When you feel like your relationship is making you depressed, you can feel hopeless about the future. Not being able to see how your relationship leads to a happy ending can make you sick with worry, stress, and anxiety, and the hopelessness can make you also feel depressed.
10. YOUR PARTNER DOESN’T LISTEN
Communication is so important to a healthy romantic partnership. Lacking a willing ear to listen when you have a concern can feel isolating and can make you feel depressed. Your partner should be paying attention to you when you speak.
#RomanticallyAttached
Getting Back Together with an Ex: What You Need to Know
📍Research shows that anywhere between one-half to two-thirds of us will experience an on-again, off-again relationship, while the rest are able to make a clean break or don't break up at all. For those who decide to reunite with an ex, the future isn't very bright: Partners in recurring relationships have been found to be less satisfied in their revisited relationship, less satisfied with their partner, more likely to report negative attributes about their relationship (such as having communication problems or feeling considerable uncertainty about the future), and much less likely to report feeling love and understanding in comparison to partners in relationships that had never broken up. 'Reuniters' also tend to suffer from lower self-esteem and consistently make negative decisions that adversely affect the relationship. Worse, yet, even after a commitment like marriage, the on-again, off-again relationship cycle tends to continue, with the quality of the relationship getting worse and worse with each breakup.
Despite the limitations, the urge to reunite is kept strong by lingering feelings, one-sided break-ups, not dating other people after a break-up has occurred, and feeling as though the one-off nature of the relationship actually improves the relationship.If the break-up is mutual, however, or we feel uncertainty about the relationship, it decreases our willingness to reunite with an ex.
If the urge to return to a past partner is strong, consider these questions before going back:
1. Why did you break up?
Breaking up on the grounds of distance (where you or your partner needed to relocate for a new job) or a large misunderstanding (where outside forces like in-laws meddled in an otherwise healthy relationship) are very different reasons for terminating a relationship than more serious issues: If you broke up because of infidelity, abuse, toxic behaviors, or incompatibility, then getting back together is not in your best interest. Though it may not always feel like it, breaking up to get out of a relationship which leaves you feeling devalued ultimately ensures you are healthier and happier single or with another partner in the long run. The happiness that comes from staying in a toxic relationship is fleeting and will not last, at least not without ample therapy, hard work, consideration, and
understanding.
Carefully consider your reasons for breaking up, and whether your relationship is genuinely bound to be healthy in the long run if you reunite.
2. Are you back for the wrong reasons?
Going back to a relationship because of extrinsic reasons such as having your partner provide you with a home, car, money, job, or other material goods will not make for a intrinsically rewarding relationship. Similarly, if you feel emotionally dependent on your partner, in that he or she provides you with the positive emotion and motivation you need to get through your day-to-day life, or you simply feel lonely without a partner, any partner, your relationship is unlikely to last in any mutually healthy way.
If going back to your ex is a matter of not wanting to take responsibility for yourself—whether it'd be financial, emotional, or otherwise—speak to friends, family, community members, or professionals who can help you find the necessary tools and resources to become independent.
Reuniting with an ex should only be considered because you genuinely feel love for him or her and believe you will be able to provide each other with the mutual positive support needed to build a satisfying, respectful, and lasting relationship together—not because you are dependent on them in an unhealthy way.
3. Are you truly committed to making it work?
Re-entering a relationship with an ex should only be considered if you are truly committed to making the changes necessary to create a valuable relationship. That means uncovering and discussing all of the reasons it didn't work out in the past and improving upon them by develo
#interesing
How to be interesting
Charisma can be developed. Willpower can be developed. Creativity can be developed. Memory can be developed. Man is a plastic material that only need to be able to work with him.
What else can you change for the better? To make your life and yourself more interesting to others. Russell Davis, a columnist for Wired magazine, gives some tips.
🔖For starters, I recommend to learn two basic rules:
Interesting are just curious people. Expand your horizons, be interested in many.
Interesting people always have something to share. No one will be interested in you if you have nothing to tell.
Ways to become interesting Russell summarized in ten points:
1. Do every day at least one photo and post it to the Flickr or social network. This little ritual will make you search around interesting things, the web publication is a way to share with others.
2. Create a blog and write at least one sentence a week. The reasons are the same: if you have nothing to say, you are uninteresting.
3. Buy a notebook for quotes and interesting ideas (and electronic equivalent).
4. Every week read a new magazine or website. Interesting people are interested in many. New experience the easiest way to find where you are looking for.
5. Every week take someone's interview. Not necessarily to publish it. The key is to learn to listen.
6. Collect something unexpected. Develop a passion. Find other people with the same passion.
7. Once a week go to the cafe for an hour and listen to what they say at other tables. Note that concerned people, their speech and behavioral patterns.
8. Every month, expressed in the blog view (not less than 50 words) about the book, film, game or piece of art that made an impression on you.
9. Make something with your hands. sew, make, draw, build with Lego.
10. Read books. Blogs, websites, Newspapers, magazines will not replace good old books. In the books the least noise and most of all ideas.(I recommend you to keep reading articles in this channel)
Join the rest here https://telegram.me/joinchat/DCcVTj6vp1frm9i5H77LPQ
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5 tips that will help you survive a bad day:
1.Do not create more tension.
Forget about turning lemons into lemonade. The first rule to follow when attempting to fix a bad day is that you should not try to fix a bad day is almost impossible and has too much pressure on you. your goal should be the desire to relive a bad day and to minimize long-term damage, agreeing not to make any decisions. After the barrage of bad news, your decision making ability will be weakened. Take a break and, if possible, try to avoid negativity.
2. Take a break.
Fairly easy to start to think a lot about how to fix a bad day, but it might keep you on solving this problem. Sometimes it makes sense to be distracted. Go to the movies. Go to the club. Have fun with your friends. Do your best to distract yourself and get rid of the obsession to fix a bad day. your "problem" will still remain when you return, but you will now approach them with a fresh head.
3.Insulate yourself.
One of the best ways to protect yourself from negativity is to wrap yourself in a "positive environment." Wake up 10 minutes earlier and write a little bit about those things you are grateful for on a daily basis. If during the day you will encounter the bad news, remember what you wrote in the morning. This instantly change your attitude.
4. Eliminate over-generalization.
What happens when you in a long time well-dieted, but one day suddenly discovered that you're holding an empty package of chips, and your fingers still had traces of orange hue? The usual generalization. This is when you make one negative event into an endless loop of failures. This way of thinking is the reason that you give up after a bad day. What is the solution? Turn on your faith. Write down all the reasons why this a bad day really — it's just a bad day, but not lose all life.
5.Avoid personalization.
Personalization is another cognitive distortion. This is when you take responsibility for events over which you had no control. Many negative events you will face, will lie outside of your control, but you can start to blame yourself. Obtained the dismissal? It can be in no way connected to you and depends on the circumstances of the company itself, but if you become to personalize it, that will just unnecessarily punishing yourself. The solution once again lies in your faith. After each negative event, ask yourself: "am I responsible for this or it is outside my control?"
When you challenge yourself and completely dedicate yourself to improving your life, you will encounter problems. If you follow these tips about bad days, you keep your motivation and much less time wasted.©
The Power of No
It’s only one syllable, only two letters, yet for many it’s the most difficult word to say. you’re wrong; it seems to me that ‘no’ seems to be the hardest word.
No – a small word with huge power, power over ourselves and power over others.
It is a word that carries with it the weight of negativity. Saying no signals refusal, non-compliance, denial; obstinence and obstruction. In our desire to please others, to be amenable, to avoid conflict and to not let people down it’s often far easier to just say yes. Oh go on then.
There may be times when that is fine, where in the service of expediency saying yes when we rather wouldn’t serves a wider purpose, even if that purpose is just to get someone off our back or to stall a difficult situation that requires us to gather our resources and address the issue on our own terms.
In life picking our battles is an important skill, we ought to fight those battles that are small enough to win but big enough to matter.
What matters? This to me is a crucial question. What matters to us? What do we believe in? What are our values? Where are our boundaries? What are we prepared to accept from others? What do we expect from ourselves?
Saying no becomes easier when we have answers to these questions. Greater self-awareness gives rise to greater self-possession and greater self-determination, each of which helps us to take difficult decisions, unpopular decisions; decisions that require us to say no.
Self-determination and self-possession in this sense need not mean self-obsession. No. These traits can help us to better serve others by allowing us to better understand where our efforts and energies are best directed, helping us to prioritise and to say no to those things that steer us away from our most constructive course.
Because when we say yes when we want to say no, when we know we ought to say no – when we say yes to get us out of a tight spot or an uncomfortable situation or to save somebody else’s feelings – well, we often end up saying no anyway. Not through saying the word, which remains tightly locked behind gritted teeth, but in our subsequent actions – our attempts to wriggle out of our unwanted commitment, to make our excuses, to act out of barely concealed sufferance, or to simply disappear and hope that somehow the situation will magically go away.
And that’s no good, to anybody. Our energies are wasted, we inconvenience others, we compromise ourselves, we fail to fulfil our potential…; we simply replace one set of concerns with a whole load of others.
Learn to say no, for in those two letters lie power, potential and freedom. Freedom from the desire to please others, freedom from putting down your own best interests to serve interests that compromise your goals or even your values, freedom from the judgements of others.
Say no and do the difficult thing.
No; I will not lie, I will not cheat, I will not compromise and I will not let anybody else lie to, cheat on or compromise me.
I will respect my boundaries because if I don’t then nobody else will.
Learn to say no, for when you do you are also learning to say yes – to your better self.©
The Problem With Positive Thinking
Aim for "accurate" and "useful" instead.
Are we fooling ourselves?
I had a nice conversation on a plane the other day with a woman who told me that she learned about the importance of positive thinking from reading self-help books.
When I asked if she found this advice useful, she said, "not really." We both laughed, but I think this is true for a lot of people. And yet, we keep hearing about the power of positive thinking. Why?
Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that negative beliefs about the self, the world, and the future can lead to anger , anxiety, and depression . And to feel better, it seems reasonable to turn to "optimistic" or "positive" thinking.
But this strategy can backfire if our new ideas aren't believable, realistic, or confirmed by our experiences.
When positive thinking goes wrong
Have you ever tried to convince yourself that you'd ace the job interview and get hired immediately?
That you'd stand up in front of an audience and deliver a perfect presentation?
That you'd start up a conversation with a stranger who would see your greatness and be thrilled to chat with you?
That you'd be able to stick to your diet because this time you're truly motivated?
Sometimes beliefs like these are supported by the data—pleasant reactions from other people, consistently healthy behavior, and other successful outcomes.
But sometimes we experience disappointing outcomes that don't match our predictions. If we try to guide ourselves through life with positive thoughts, what happens when things don't work out so well?
When beliefs and experiences don't match, we become confused, frustrated, and disappointed. This is why positive thinking is so limited. It often seems forced or inauthentic and it only works when we have the experiences we desire.
What's the alternative?
A better bet is to practice replacing negative beliefs with ideas that are more accurate and useful.
For example, when you catch yourself thinking in unreasonable ways, begin to assess accuracy. Some questions to ask yourself:
What's the evidence to support this belief?
Is there any evidence to reject it?
Is there a more accurate way to think about this situation?
Next, consider the usefulness of the belief and whether it would benefit you to change it.
•Some questions to ask yourself:™
What's the likely effect of thinking this way?
How does it affect my emotions? My behavior?
What would happen if I changed my belief?
Using exercises like these to move toward more accurate and useful beliefs can have a huge impact on the intensity of unpleasant emotions.
#deeds,
What Do Others Want?
By recognizing positive intentions we feel safer, supported, and
See good intentions.
Why?
Hustling through an airport, I stopped to buy some water. At the shop's refrigerator, a man was bent over, loading bottles into it. I reached past him and pulled out one he'd put in. He looked up, stopped working, got a bottle from another shelf, and held it out to me, saying "This one is cold." I said thanks and took the one he offered.
He didn't know me and would never see me again. His job was stocking, not customer service. He was busy and looked tired. But he took the time to register that I'd gotten a warm bottle, and he cared enough to shift gears and get me a cold one. He wished me well.
I can see his friendly eyes as I write now, a week later. It was just a bottle of water. But I feel warmed by his kindness and buoyed by his good intentions.
Recognizing the positive intentions in others, we feel safer, more supported, and happier. And when others feel that you get their good intentions, they feel seen, appreciated, and more inclined to treat you well.
But it can be hard to recognize the good will in others. We're busy and distracted and stressed. Positive aims are often buried beneath negative behaviors. The brain 's innate negativity bias is continually scanning for bad news, bad intentions. The brain also reacts to novelty, so it tends to ignore the many positive intentions that pervade most daily life while spotlighting the occasional negative ones.
So you have to actively look for good intentions. Then you'll find them all around you - a window into the deep goodness in every being, no matter how obscured.
How?
Take a minute to recognize the many good intentions - aims, purposes, desires - that you have in a typical day. Good intentions don't need to be saintly. Wanting to enjoy a cup of coffee, to eat a decent breakfast, to lock the door behind you, to get to work on time, to be conscientious , to feel safe, to care for a family, to be a decent person, to avoid trouble, to hurt less, to enjoy something sweet, to not quarrel, to live to see the sunrise . . . these are all good intentions.
Most good intentions will be small. But they still matter. Just imagine the disasters if you replaced your good intentions with bad ones! Sure, some intentions aren't so good, such as desires to dominate, act out addictive cravings, or dump negative feelings on others. But for almost everyone, the great majority of intentions are good ones. Let it become a feeling, a strong sense in your body, that you are someone with good intentions.
Talking with a friend, be aware of his or her positive intentions. How does it feel to see them? Try this routinely with people you care about. I find that doing this helps me understand others better plus opens my heart. As appropriate, tell the other person what you've learned; hearing a recognition of one's good intentions can be a powerful experience.
Try seeing good intentions in strangers walking down the street - or an airport. You'll see lots of courtesies, efforts to do a good job, desires to understand or be understood, loyalty to friends and causes, fair play, and kindnesses. This practice makes me happy and gives me a stronger sense of our common humanity.
Also try this with people who are difficult for you. This is not to excuse them. But seeing good intentions amidst bad behaviors can, ironically, help you feel less affected - less stressed, irritated, or worried - by other people. You could also ask others to recognize the good intentions in you.
There's an ember of sanctity in each one of us, including the one looking back in the mirror. Recognizing good intentions blows on that ember, adds fuel to it, and helps it grow into a warm and beautiful flame.©
The only time this emotionally detached man can connect is through sex. But sex for him is not a mutual expression of love and intimacy, it's a physical release or a conquest.
Sex becomes a way to unburden himself of the tension of keeping it all together and staying in control, but tenderness, intimate expressions, cuddling, and affection are rarely part of the scenario.
Once sex is over, this man will quickly move on his next project or fall asleep right away.
14. Avoids Sex Altogether
Some of these men will avoid sex or initiate it infrequently because sex itself is too intimate and requires too much from him. This can affect his libido and performance.
He may know that you want more from him during a sexual encounter, and he can't or won't give it. So he simply avoids having sex with you. It feels like too much trouble.
Because he is unable to let down and be vulnerable with you, his stress levels may be so high that he is rarely in the mood for sex. It just feels like another chore.
15. Spends Too Much Time with Pornography
Looking at pornography doesn't require an emotional commitment or intimacy. He can find sexual gratification without the discomfort and demands of a real relationship.
A man's addiction to pornography can contribute to his lack of interest in you sexually. It further diminishes any intimacy between you.
16. Inability to Deal with Conflict
Conflict is inevitable even in the closest relationships. But a man who is emotionally detached will do everything he can to avoid conflict because it involves expressing emotions.
He may clam up, leave the room, or shut you down with yelling and anger. He can't have a healthy conversation where you both express your concerns, fears, and needs in the relationship.
Are you noticing some of these traits with your boyfriend, partner, or spouse? Have they been going on for a long time? If so, I urge you to talk with a counselor to share your concerns.
If your guy is highly motivated to improve his emotional skills, there's hope for your relationship and your ability to enjoy a deeper, more intimate connection.
However, if he is defensive, emotionally abusive, and unwilling to work on himself through counseling, this is a huge red flag that you may never find the love you want and need with this man.
The longer you allow him to remain emotionally unavailable, the more difficult it will be to extricate yourself.
As hard as it may be to cut the cord with someone you may still love, letting go is the best thing you can do for your self-esteem and ongoing happiness.
not just the handsome, superficial charmers. They come in all looks, shapes, and personality types. They have a variety of backgrounds and life experiences.
Some can have bursts of real intimacy and passion, followed by periods of pulling back and coldness. Others never reveal an intimate, authentic desire for closeness.
Emotional unavailability doesn't necessarily mean a man is shallow, selfish, or intentionally detached. He may long for closeness, but he simply doesn't know how to achieve it.
Says writer Sile Walsh for The Good Men Project, "Being emotionally available is not that easy for any of us. And for a man in a society where we give our such mixed messages, it’s no surprise that both the people asking men to be emotionally available and the men who are trying to achieve it, are confused. My male clients desperately want to connect with friends, lovers, and family in a very real way. But often they have no model of what that looks like and how to do it."
Whether they are impacted by societal expectations, their childhood experiences, or a narcissistic personality, emotionally unavailable men are missing the most rewarding and blissful facet of a love relationship: intimacy.
All too often, it takes a long time for women to figure out they're involved with this type of man, as it did for Laura. They invest huge chunks of their time and emotional energy trying to "win" love and affection, only to eventually realize it's not forthcoming.
Before you invest any more time with a man who can't or won't allow closeness and intimacy, it's important to recognize the traits of this type of guy. Here are 16 common characteristics of emotionally unavailable men:
1. Difficulty Expressing Deeper Feelings
No matter how hard you try, you can't scratch the surface of this guy's emotions. He is uncomfortable talking about his true feelings of love, pain, shame, guilt or any other feeling that might make him appear "weak" and vulnerable.
He has learned to ignore and deny his negative emotions in particular, and has become emotionally "color blind."
He has a protective wall around his emotions and can get angry, confused, or defensive if you try to penetrate it. Sometimes he may give you a glimpse of his interior world, only to pull back and block you out once again.
2. Slow to Commit
These men often fear commitment because they know it will require more of them than they are capable of giving. Committing to one person means revealing more of themselves and taking the risks involved with intimacy.
This fear of commitment is more than just wanting to keep their options open. It's a systemic fear of being overwhelmed by uncomfortable emotions and the needs of their partner. They need a quick escape route which commitment prevents.
3. Acts Distant, Above It All, Too Cool
In an effort to protect himself, the emotionally unavailable man will create a persona that initially seems mysterious and cool. But over time, you want and need to know the person behind the mystery man.
Unfortunately, this guy has spent a lot of time and energy crafting the way he presents himself to the world, and he's not about to drop the facade.
It is an attractive barrier that keeps others, even you, at arm's distance so he doesn't have to cope with the uncertainty and discomfort of too much closeness which makes him feel vulnerable or overwhelmed.
4. Inability or Unwillingness to Be Vulnerable
The fear of vulnerability is the fear of showing your true self. This fear often stems from a deeper fear of abandonment.
If he reveals his inner world and less-than-confident emotions, you may see him as weak and unattractive and want to leave him.
He may also have a fear of engulfment, the feeling he is losing himself in the relationship. By revealing his true self to you, he may lose control of himself because he unconsciously worries you may control or do[...]
The Danger of Telling Kids "You Can Do Anything!"
The unexpected downsides of constant encouragement
Many parents tell their kids, “You can do anything!” Of course, we want to encourage our children to pursue their interests and not be limited by society’s view of their capabilities.
At the same time, telling kids that they can do anything is not really truthful and may have unexpected downsides.
It’s not true, for example, that anyone can be a professional basketball player or a fashion model, and not everyone can win a Nobel Prize or be a Supreme Court justice.
We are all limited in particular ways by our genetic endowment and by the statistical realities of competition . In addition, luck and chance play a much larger role in life outcomes, including success, than we generally acknowledge.
In addition, research shows that when we create highly ambitious goals for ourselves, those goals can become harmful—for example, leading to unethical behavior in order to meet those ambitious goals, or leading us to feel like a failure when we don’t achieve them.
Telling kids that they can do anything creates the vision without the road map: It implies they should set a lofty goal but gives no information about how to achieve it.
Better to acknowledge that significant accomplishments will be challenging to achieve, that luck plays a key role in life, and then give kids a road map for how they can advance their goals. I call this road map “the three Ps.”
Instead of just telling kids they can do anything, teach them the three Ps: Practice, Patience, and Perseverance.
1. Practice, because effort coupled with feedback is critical to developing mastery and achieving excellence.
2. Patience, because mastery and meaningful accomplishment happen over a long time frame.
3. Perseverance, because obstacles are likely and setbacks are common in any endeavor.
Emphasize to your kids that success is defined by effort and step-by-step progress, not by comparison with
.
As Thomas Edison supposedly said, after a colleague discovered Edison at his workbench surrounded by the results of thousands of hours’ worth of failed experiments: “I’ve tried everything. [But] I have not failed. I have just found ten thousand ways that won’t work!”
TRY THIS: Imagine your child is struggling with science homework and exclaims in frustration: “I can’t do this!”
Rather than respond, “Yes, you can, let me show you,” you might say something like this instead: “Yes, science can be challenging so it’s normal that you’re struggling with it right now. The more time and effort you spend on it, the easier it will get.”
Then support your child by answering his questions about the work as best you can, without giving him the answers.
Similarly, when you see someone who demonstrates a high level of mastery or excellence, such as a professional sports player or an accomplished musician, you might say something like this: “Wow, she is a fantastic tennis player. I’ll bet she’s spent many years and thousands of hours practicing.”©
📍Signs of a toxic relationship
1. Emptiness. Relationships are not encouraged, rather, landed. After communicating the feeling of emptiness, oppressive fatigue.
2.Clarification for clarification. The process of finding out who is right and who is wrong throughout the communication. Communication based on mutual claims. According to the principle of condemnation, justification. Change and improvement does not occur none from the other side. Even if one partner tries to rectify the situation, his actions are in error.
3. The success of the partner are perceived critically, with envy and dissatisfaction. Self-development goes by the wayside, the potential is questioned. Partner raises their self-esteem by lowering the self-esteem of the other. Gratitude is missing.
4.Frequent change of mood. Mood swings – from ostentatious hilarity to dramatic tantrums, love and care to anger and rage. Failure to explain the cause, the pause in conversation, the theatre care to nowhere, manipulation of the phone is ignoring calls, interrupting the conversation. The last sentence should be for those who are "right."
5. The desire to control. Full awareness of all matters partner, to impose their opinions, how and what to say and do. The requirement of reporting on actions, thoughts.
6.The body responds to unhealthy relationships psychosomatic pain.
7. The resentment with the taste of jealousy. Distrust. Resentment that the partner can enjoy life on their own, even worse with someone else. Emotional blackmail to guilt. Jealousy of friends, family, the opposite sex. The desire to be the center of the universe and power over the partner and his complete obedience.
8.Continuous negativity. Everything that happens in life of a partner, and in the world, is perceived negatively and gloomy. "Bad" is the main motto. The partner is sure that someone is to blame for his miserable life, accuses the outside world of all mortal sins. Is in the permanent frustration and anticipation of the Apocalypse.
Toxic relationships do not only poison, they take the most precious resource – time. In addition, there are interaction models, not only applicable in a "peaceful" life. It's in the adjustment, getting used to the unhealthy atmosphere and the hope for change for the better. Therefore, people are willing to turn a blind eye and immerse yourself in its reality, non-existent worlds, in Timeless waiting for a miracle. To live in a fantasy world or in real - individual choice.
5 Simple Ways You Can Turn Around a Bad Mood Fast
📍As a therapist who talks and writes about mental strength, I often hear people say things like, “I can’t control my emotions.” Occasionally, readers will even make comments like, “You shouldn’t try to control your emotions. It’s not good for you.”
But it appears that people who make that assumption are confusing emotion regulation with suppression—and they’re not the same thing. Just because you wake up grumpy doesn’t mean you have to stay in a bad mood. And just because you’re nervous about something doesn’t mean you can’t calm yourself down.
Regulating your emotions is about choosing to take charge of how you feel. That doesn’t mean you should force yourself to be happy all the time—in fact, research shows that forcing yourself to feel happy all the time backfires. But it does mean that you can make choices to boost your mood when you’re down or calm yourself when you’re upset.
Here are five skills that can help change how you feel:
1. Distraction
The more you think upsetting thoughts, the worse you’ll feel. So rather than rehash that mean thing your spouse said, or worry about that stressful meeting tomorrow, distract yourself with an activity: Listen to music, go for a walk, or do whatever you can to change the channel in your brain.
Studies show that distraction is the most effective way to deal with intense distress. If you’re sitting in the dentist’s office waiting to undergo a root canal, distract yourself with a magazine or text a friend about an unrelated topic. And try to find something to occupy your mind during the root canal, too—distraction can be effective in reducing physical pain.
racorn/Shutterstock
2. Reappraisal
Changing the way you look at a situation changes the way you feel. Telling yourself that your overly talkative friend is just in need of emotional support or reminding yourself that a co-worker’s annoying questions stem from his desire to do his best can help you stay calm.
Cognitive reappraisal is one of the quickest ways to shift your emotions. Research shows that changing the way you think about a situation changes your body’s physiological response. Your heart is less likely to race so fast when you’re angry, and your palms might not sweat as much when you’re nervous, which can be a key to keeping intense emotions at bay.
3. Humor
Laughter creates changes in your brain and gives you a immediate positive boost in mood. A good sense of humor has been linked to everything from improved physical health to a better social life. Whether you crack a joke or your friend says something funny, good-natured humor is key to managing your emotions. Studies show, however, that mean-spirited humor is much less effective in changing your emotional state.
4. Temporal Distancing
Temporal distancing changes your mindset by helping you look at the bigger picture. Think about the present from your future self. Imagine how much today’s concern will matter one, five, or 10 years from today. Whether you’re upset that you didn’t get a promotion, or nervous about a life decision you need to make, you may realize that those things might not matter much far down the road. Studies show that gaining proper perspective helps you stay calm, even in tough situations.
5. Situation Modification
If changing the way you think about a situation doesn’t seem like a viable option, change the environment. An environmental change may involve a major modification, such as changing jobs or moving to a new city. But studies show it doesn’t need to be a drastic change in order to be effective: Deciding to sit next to a more positive co-worker instead of a negative one or choosing to go for a walk during your lunch break instead of eating at your desk might be all you need to boost your mood.
#Job, #ettiquete
Looking for Work? 9 Things You Need to Know and Do
📍It’s hard to sell yourself when for your entire life you’ve been told you should be modest, humble, and let others take center stage.
So here goes, from the heart:
1. Initial impressions are crucial. If you like the person within the first nine minutes of your first meeting, odds are that sense of a “good fit” will endure. You need to think carefully about how to make the best of you available during that first meeting. It doesn’t mean creating a new false character out of thin air but rather choreographing your own role with precision.
2. Don’t buy fancy new clothes. Dress in a way that doesn't call attention to itself unless you’re applying for work as a hooker. Black trousers or skirt, white or black top, comfortable shoes, a scarf with some color--that’s it. No shoes that make you teeter or that make your heels bleed.
3. Be entirely attentive during the conversation. Don’t zone out while others speak; don’t spend so much time wondering what you’ll say next that you don’t hear what’s being said to you. Make eye contact; ask questions. SMILE—not idiotically or at all times, but enough so that others in the room see you enjoying yourself. Putting THEM at ease is the smart thing to do.
4. Appear to enjoy yourself, even if you are so nervous you want to throw up. Don’t cry. No quivering lower lip. No cow eyes. No thongs.
5. Make sure they know they can count on you to accept responsibilities. They want to be sure you’ll work on your own without being fearful or asking for permission for every little thing; they want to feel confident about you. If you are not confident, fake it.
6. Keep you hands in your lap or on the arms of the chair. Don't play with your hair or your fingernails or anything that shows nervousness. Don't jiggle your legs or feet. Fiddling is distracting and memorable. You want them to remember what you said not that you braided your hair during the interview.
7. If you don't know something, don't pretend you do, but TELL THEM YOU ARE EAGER TO LEARN HOW TO DO IT. Saying "No, I've never done that" or "No, I have no experience" won’t help your case. Instead say "That's something I've been fascinated by but never had a chance to grapple with before" or "I'm a quick study, and if somebody will give me pointers I’ll learn it." Unless you’re looking for work in an abattoir, you’ll probably enjoy learning new stuff even if the prospect worries you now.
8. Remember: there are a lot of jobs out there, just like there are a lot of apartments or potential true loves. You only need one. (You might want more, but you only need one.)
9. Final details: show up early. Bring a newspaper to read while you wait. Shake hands: don’t offer fingertips as if you had no bone structure in your extremities. Laugh when something is funny or absurd or if you screw up. Send a thank you note (or e-mail—but I'd recommend a hand-written note EVERY time) immediately and make it enthusiastic. Don’t call the office to see how you did.
Here’s the final word I tell my friends: If the employers are smart, then they’ll be the lucky ones. They’ll have you in their lives.
#motivation
Treat people like people
If there is no wind, row.
📍-- Latin Proverb
Empathy makes you a better communicator. Empathy makes you a better person.
Your perspective has value, but it is not the only perspective. Always take the other person’s point of view into consideration.
Don’t assume just because you know it, think it, feel it, that everyone else does too. Nothing ever entitles you to be rude, arrogant, or inconsiderate.
Empathy helps you understand, understanding helps you relate, and positive relationships facilitate real progress. It’s always better to work with others than to work against them.
Empathize, understand, find common ground and common objectives. Remind yourself that the way to get what you want is to help others get what they want.
Whether you’re dealing with a customer, customer service rep, family member or stranger, empathy works wonders. Treat people like people, the way you want to be treated, and they’ll almost always return the favor.
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^ping new skills surrounding relationship maintenance, coping, and communication. This is usually best done under the guidance of an experienced couples therapist. Committing to the improvements you and your partner will need to make and holding each other accountable will help ensure long-term love.
Remember: "If you carry the bricks from your past relationships to the new one, you will build the same house."
4. Is your partner on the same page?
While you may be fully motivated to rebuild your relationship and believe you have a plan to make it work, if your ex-partner is not as fully dedicated to repairing your relationship, it is unlikely to succeed. Before jumping in with both feet, openly discuss your ex-partner's thoughts, feelings, desires, and his or her willingness to rebuild the relationship and what revisiting the relationship means for him or her.
#manipulation
The elementary principles of manipulation
📍The greatest susceptibility to manipulation - from insecure, shy and gullible people. But it is also subject to manipulation by those who are trying to look strong, noble, or generous. Below are the simplest methods of such manipulation.
No word, NO!
Put your victim in a situation where it is very difficult to say "no." Most people are afraid or embarrassed to use that word. They are looking for excuses, change the rules, they promise to call back...so Use it! Harshly put conditions on your push! If that succeeds not, suggest the method of “mutually beneficial” cooperation. Do not forget to heat up the fear of reject you. The reasons can be many: from fear to inconvenience you to the knife at his throat.
Tear distance.
Learn to gain the trust. Be smiling, polite and friendly. Try to establish friendly and cordial relations. If possible, install physical contact. Tell people what they like to hear and you will do EVERYTHING!
Proceed a few steps forward.
It's actually not difficult, because most people operate on the template, do not notice it. Look for these patterns and you will learn to predict the actions of people, use these templates and you will learn how to manipulate people
Step on pride.
Everyone thinks they're somehow better than others. Find out what it is, and you will have the key to this person. People tend to believe that close to their beliefs, and if it still indicates their uniqueness and originality, it will become true.
Use weaknesses.
The use of weaknesses is the basis of any manipulation. Who wants to look greedy, indecisive, stupid, cowardly? No. On the contrary, all want to feel worthy, welcome, noble, important, somewhat superior, to have a good image, etc..........
Desires and aspirations is the target. Use such human traits as greed, the desire to get rich quickly, curiosity in particular, the desire to know their future destiny, thirst, thrill, desire to impress, to show off, indecision.
#conflict
The beauty of conflict
Conflict is a great form of relationship. Conflict is not created for destruction, its essence is different - it reveals the lie.
The notion of "conflict" most negative attitude: they see aggression, bickering, war. But this warped view created by a perverted society. In fact, the conflict shows only one thing - the discrepancy. And this is very important working information. Well, of course, it is important for the living not for the dead a mushy average of society.
The conflict shows that things don't go smoothly, something goes wrong. Timely identification of conflict gives the possibility of rapid changes - while people avoiding this conflict, amass these destructive factors in themselves. Causing fracture increases significantly.
Conflict can solve the problem as it occurs - not leading to destruction.
The smearing of the conflict leads to the inevitable explosion.
Sometimes this explosion is directed outward, sometimes inward.
Knew a woman - all her life she endured the antics of her husband and others. Everyone thought she was a model of patience and moved by this resistance. But when she died and the autopsy was done, doctors were amazed: her heart was like a rock - solid brand. Ie all her life she exploded inward.
You should be able to go to the conflict, to be able to work with it as a positive factor. Identifying the conflict issues in early relationships can prevent a lot of damage afterwards. Generally speaking, the ability to identify the conflict points based on the most insignificant information - it is a great blessing and challenging art.
The problem of modern society is that it distorts everything - including the concept of conflict. So when the fool says that he is a fool (of course, talking about reasonable definition, but not the desire to emotionally hurt), the fool does not accept this information with gratitude - and takes offense, and goes for the continued saving "Yes, you over something to see!" And in the end deprived of the opportunity to stop being a fool.
But the conflict is not a scandal. Conflict is the result of clarity, start noticing the reasons for the destruction.
Of course, here the issue of trust reveals the conflict. After all, only a few are able to say "You fool" simply because he is really a fool - not because even though it hurt them politically or to manage. In part, this situation is simplified where people are initially aligned position of the teacher-student. There all students will understand that if the teacher criticizes them, it is not to insult and abuse any relationship - it helps them become better and stronger.
Real ability to work with conflict gives you the opportunity jewelry the correction of the situation in the origin - avoiding the inevitable dire consequences.
Incidentally, the ability to go to the conflict has nothing to do with emotional aggression. The conflict is not "who are you?", conflict is "Look - you have a here mistake. It can be corrected".
