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Lyrics are really hard to learn
I have huge problems with song lyrics. All the time I hear songs I would love to sing but every time I hear a song I just can't remember the lyrics. I hear it, I forget it. I also had songs I really liked and really tried to learn the lyrics, but I know them for a while and still forget them in the end. Same when I need to learn something word for word. I also realized that I do not care about lyrics in a song, all I need to like a song is the music and the voice of the singer.
It's not really a vent because it doesn't bother me, but I wanted to see if there are people with maybe similar (or completly opposite) experiences. (The only part that really bothers me is learning for school and forgetting the exact words which is sometimes really important)
https://redd.it/kwb2f7
@r_adhd
i feel like i see hidden 'steps' to basic activities
caveat: im undiagnosed, but waiting assessment which could take god knows how long. might be aspergers rather than adhd, or something else, so sorry if something i say isnt quite 'adhd', its hard to know without diagnosis.
the thing that i come back to time and time again is how complicated everything feels. washing up, getting dressed, washing my face, doing laundry, doing exercise, tidying.. every single one is made up of what seems to be so many discrete steps. if i try to motivate myself to do these tasks, i feel completely overwhelmed by what i can only describe as a quickly expanding flowchart in my mind describing the process and decisions required. then it feels like my brain runs out of room and i cant hold the plan n my head any more so i just freeze up and go blank.
for this reason i honestly feel like an alien sometimes, bcaus i am so puzzled by normal stuff people do.
for example - say a functioning persons day might include:
>wake up, get dressed, exercise, shower
if i try to approach it, it looks more like:
>wake up. what to do next. im kind of hungry. if i eat now i might be too full to exercise. if i dont eat i might be too hungry. what do i even eat. what is the best thing to eat. if i dont eat, do i still have a cup of tea? what exercise should i do. should i do yoga? for how long? i need to hoover the floor because doing yoga on a dirty floor is gross. its too early to hoover and the hoover is heavy to lug around. if i do yoga i wont get any fresh air. should i go for a run? but i dont know where id go and i feel self conscious in public. are my clothes clean? if yes, then is my body clean? i feel gross about putting clean clothes on while dirty then exercising. should i shower? no, people usually shower after they exercise. are they dirty? i dont want to wear dirty clothes. i cant believe i have to put on a whole other outfit for 30 minutes of activity its so stupid. do i wash my face? my hair will get sweaty. does that mean ill have to wash my hair? what about after i exercise. ill be hungry but i dont want to spend more time in exercise clothes than necessary. so i should shower and get changed? i hate being wet. what should i wear? am i *trying* today? is there even any point to getting dressed like a functional person, i should just wear comfy clothes. but if i wear comfy clothes why is that any different to wearing pajamas. maybe i should just put pajamas back on.
kinda going through my head all at once. reading it back it seems like maybe normal decision making, but i feel the process of writing it out somewhat linearly doesnt really fully illustrate the experience.. it spreads outwards in all directions. if i manage to do all those steps (which i often dont) then it will take hours and lots of me recalibrating and puzzling through the next steps over and over. for me i feel i cant really settle on one answer and just go around and around. and this is the case with virtually anything that could possibly be broken into steps.
this isnt my only problem. i also get stuck being unable to do simple, single step tasks, bcaus i have some kind of mental block that feels like im waiting 'until' something before i can do the thing. and if i try to do it before then, my brain will act like my cat when i try to show her her reflection in the mirror. looking but not absorbing or processing the meaning of any of it. thats not what this post is namely about, but it sure doesnt help.
​
anyways
tldr i feel silly because i get confused about the 'right way/order' to do basic tasks, to the point where i get overwhelmed and have to ask others for confirmation on how 'normal people' do stuff like get dressed in the morning. and im tired of it
https://redd.it/kw2nd6
@r_adhd
Dealing with the guilt
Does anyone else constantly feel guilty?
Like I should be doing MORE.
More chores, more time with my son, more studying, fixing things, more hours clocked in for work. More fun things to enjoy life too, playing guitar, mountain biking, whatever.
Whatever I'm doing I feel like it's the wrong thing.
Is this a common ADHD feeling, or completely unrelated?
https://redd.it/kw96mn
@r_adhd
“you did this to yourself”
i was crying because i’m stressed from all the work i procrastinated and my friend was like “i’m sorry but you did this to yourself.”
WELL GOLLY GEE I’VE NEVER EVEN THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE!!!!1!1!1!1!!!
maybe i’m just being overdramatic but when i hear comments like this it really pisses me off. you are better off saying nothing to me at that point
i already hate myself as it is and the last fucking thing i need is a reminder of why
https://redd.it/kw6dl3
@r_adhd
My brain 'short circuits' when there's too much going on at once
This happens to me all the time. For example, when I'm going out and am about to put on my shoes, I might start thinking about getting the keys and my jacket, or whatever else. At the same time my mom might be telling me something and I just freeze for a couple seconds, wondering what the hell I'm even doing or am about to do. Then I realize I've been standing still and mumblingfor a while like an idiot. It feels like it's so easy to lose focus on what I'm doing in the moment. I'm 25 btw, and this ADHD thing is really new to me.
Any coping tips are appreciated
https://redd.it/kw6bes
@r_adhd
Peoples opinions on what ADHD actually is is so wrong
A lot of people who don't suffer from ADHD think that it's just "being hyper" or "not being able to pay attention", but that's just the tip of the iceberg.
They don't understand the sensitivity to criticism, how our various trains of thought work, the fact that I can be so focused on something and the toilet flushing upstairs can completely throw me out of it, the procrastination, the difficulty of doing one thing for a long period of time that you're not interested in, etc. I could go on for ages.
I was having a conversation with my mother about how my medication ran out, and my insurance is pending approval for my new medication. She said "Can't you just take a couple tylenol to calm you down, or do some jumping jacks?"
ADHD has to be the most misunderstood, most poorly named mental disorder out there. I wish more people understood what it really is.
https://redd.it/kw4hjk
@r_adhd
Diagnosis!!!
HI I'm so excited I just got diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety and I'm just so happy that after so long of struggling I can put a name to what I've been going through. It took a few months but thank you to this subreddit for being so supportive and even just reading everyone's stories was so helpful and I finally got tested!! <3
https://redd.it/kw1lrz
@r_adhd
I am TIRED of people telling me "you're not even trying to pay attention are you???"
"can you just focus for one minute??" "No, actually, you're not trying to pay attention, you're just lazy, stop lying!"
The only people with a real disorder are the people who incessantly tell me to try paying attention more, because yeah, thats deffinetly worked the other 1000 times you've said that to me, really using your brain aren't you?
If you compare my way of seeing people to them, they are the ones who's brains don't work.
You can choose to be arrogant and cruel, you can't choose ADHD
https://redd.it/kvzl92
@r_adhd
Finished a Pen for the First Time Ever
This is a little thing, probably unworthy of a post, but I started bullet journaling at the end of last year to try to stay organized/productive during WFH (I’ve only been moderately successful with it, but topic for another time).
But, because of the constant writing, for the first time in my life I managed to use an entire pen without losing it somewhere along the way! Little victory for the day and wanted to share with those that truly understand the struggle of constantly losing things.
https://redd.it/kvubzb
@r_adhd
No motivation, suck at everything, can't focus, and parents don't believe I have ADHD
I honestly have no motivation but I have aspirations. I have bad ADHD that makes it hard to focus and I can't focus on something unless it's got my 100% attention at that very moment. Sucks because I always move a part of my body and my mom says to stop because it's bad luck. If I say I have ADHD, she says that people with ADHD can't get jobs (she's a foreign Asian but it's still a very bad mindset). I should probably see a psychiatrist but they're incredibly expensive. I might if it could actually get me going but idk
https://redd.it/kvr1ib
@r_adhd
I hate our stupid healthcare system
I've been at my job for almost 3 years which is nothing short of a miracle and it finally gave me stability to actually get my ADHD under control. I went on Adderall but it wasn't lasting me the whole day so I switched to Vyvanse and it's been pretty smooth sailing ever since. Then my company decided to change insurance providers for this year and the new one doesn't cover Vyvanse at all. I basically melted down over it before talking to my psych about switching back to Adderall and at lease see how it goes. Yesterday I go to get it filled only to find out the insurance will only cover name brand, not generic, which made the copay even more expensive then what the Vyvanse was before and nearly had another meltdown after getting home from Walgreens.
This entire system is a scam and I can't wait for it to get burnt down and replaced with something that's actually focused on providing care.
https://redd.it/kvsyd2
@r_adhd
Dear lord I’ve done nothing for 3 weeks
I just couldn’t. Sure I’ve gotten a couple of steps of tasks done, but I’m spiraling out of control again. I was doing so well and now I’m crashing and burning. I can’t stop it.
What if I lose my job? This incredible opportunity.
I’ve been unproductive so therefore stressed which makes it worse and then add fear to the mix so just distracting myself with phone addiction to cope .
I want to stop being like this. Why does my brain sabotage me? I can’t do this my whole life.
Help
https://redd.it/kvqdaq
@r_adhd
My work just banned headphones and listening to something is the only thing that gets me through the day because it can drown out the "noise" in my head.
I work in the customer service industry I guess, but it's at night so there's no one here except employees. There's no physical danger at all, the only reason they banned them is because the managers have apparently walked up to a few people and tried to talk to them and they couldn't hear because their music was too loud. Listening to podcasts is literally the one single thing that makes this shitty job somewhat bearable, and I don't know what to do without it. I don't know how else to describe it, but there's so much "noise" in my mind all the time and podcasts help me to focus but muting it and giving me something to think about. If I don't have something to listen to, there's just constant anxious thoughts swirling around in there. Cringe things I did when I was a kid, things I regret doing, constantly wishing I wasn't even fucking alive, how much I hate myself and my life. I know it may seem dramatic, but hopefully you guys understand. I wish they understood that my life is a living hell dealing with all these racing thoughts. Honestly I don't know if I can handle it without something to listen to.
https://redd.it/kvopxe
@r_adhd
dating with adhd sucks
i saw a post on here yesterday talking about this but man, we hyperfixate on people and that's one of the worst things
when i'm dating someone, i will hyperfixate on them until my interest in them burns out. and everything goes downhill from there. my brain misses the novelty of meeting new people and falling in love and when the hyperfixation on that person is over it's hard to maintain the relationship
this is horrible!! with people we love!! and it's horrible for them, and in my current relationship i'm just scared of it happening again and it's hard to enjoy things when i'm scared of losing it
venting over
https://redd.it/kvetgh
@r_adhd
I am happy for the first time in 15 years.
I am a 28 year old woman. I have a dual diagnosis of BPD and ADHD, although I have just started extended release adderall for the first time last week.
The last week had been monumental. This is the first time in over a decade and a half life hasn’t felt impossible. I’m relaxed, focused, organized. My brain isn’t like popcorn anymore. I put my kids clothes away when I got home for work, something I never could have accomplished before, which sounds ridiculous, but it’s true. It’s something extra I could not deal with. This is just a small example.
I don’t have anywhere else to share this, but I thought you guys might get it.
https://redd.it/kvkrwg
@r_adhd
I really hate past me, why can't you care more about future you?
Today for the millionth time, I had to face the consequences of my procrastination, I had an oral quiz (is that what it's called in English?) on stuff we've been looking at for months. Obviously, I did terrible. I wasn't prepared and had pulled an all-nighter trying to study something I have read for the first time.
To start with, I struggle to be constant and can only work if time is very limited and stress-powered dopamine keeps me going. It's not healthy, but it's what I've doing since forever and the only method I know. It long stopped working since I left middle school but whatever. Plus, my procrastination has become VERY bad since we started online classes. I basically have been skipping all of them.
I am always distracted or sleepy (because internet) so no following class because that's too much to ask. I am very behind and need to study 3 whole months of program.
What do I do?
I had enough time to prepare myself and to review the lessons I recorded in advance in case something like this happened, but in the end I had to self-study everything in one night because I waited until the very last moment and was filled with anxiety all day.
I actually dared to procrastinate even more. It was midnight when I thought I should study since the quiz is at 11 AM, but I waited till 4 AM to start for real, while taking 20 minutes sleep breaks because I was too tired to actually study. I studied, but holes of all the missed lessons started showing: I could kinda repeat stuff I memorised, but if I had to elaborate/apply what we learned I couldn't formulate a logical sentence to save my life (also because if I don't sleep my thoughts are even more all over the place than normal).
​
After my suffering ended, I felt immense relief (at least until the next test I could stop worrying, even if it was just 2 days!) and thought: "why did you have to do this, past me? Couldn't you just study earlier so you could have saved me all this trouble?". I always think this, but never put it into practice. I know I wouldn't have to suffer if I didn't procrastinate, but.. I just can't care?
My brain is not capable of being forward-looking, it's not like it will be me who has to deal with all the consequences huh?
In theory, I know what I have to do, but in practice I just want to enjoy the present and often get caught up in what I'm doing and whatever my brain is thinking about, I always completely forget or dismiss my duties until I realise the day/week/month is over. For God's sake 2020 ended and I'm still thinking yeah I'll do it later about stuff I've been procrastinating since last January!
https://redd.it/kw5hcu
@r_adhd
Dating someone else with ADHD is both a blessing and a curse. VENT
We both understand each other's struggles. On the other hand, in my case, we both have completely different requirements in order to function correctly.
He needs space, I need together time. I am loud, he is easily overwhelmed. I like being active and going out, he likes staying in and forcing himself to focus on work. He is messy, I am overwhelmed by his mess.
It's not easy. It's hard. But it truly is nice to have someone who understands our struggles no questions asked.
Have a blessed day everyone.
https://redd.it/kwb5jx
@r_adhd
getting called useless by your parents is a shitty feeling
i didnt get diagnosed with adhd until i was 21, mainly because my parents did not believe in mental illnesses, and they also do not believe in medication
​
it sucks wanting to do so many things and just stressing the fuck out about not doing it, and then being called useless for not doing them, like dude i get it, i probably should be doing more but come on
https://redd.it/kw7yvt
@r_adhd
Apparently neurotypical people sometimes have complete SILENCE in their heads.
Asked my husband about this and he told me that he indeed has a lot of silent moments. There isn't an inner monologue going on. No songs on loop in his head, no thoughts about anything. Legit he can just have SILENCE in his brain. I am shook. I don't think I've ever experienced that in my life. There is always something going on in my brain. Unless I'm asleep. Medicated or not there is always something going on in my head.
https://redd.it/kw8tgu
@r_adhd
how do i learn to stop talking?
god i wish i knew how to stop talking. it always gets me in trouble.
i’ve tried thinking before i speak, waiting for my place in conversation and it’s so difficult! how do i just- not. how do i shut the fuck up. my family is constantly mad at me because i’m not silent and i’m struggling to control it. i want my family (particularly my stepdad.) to stop being angry at me for talking a lot as i feel like i’m not supposed to be anywhere but my room because i never stop talking.
so, fellows with adhd: how do you be quiet? medication isn’t an option for me until i’m 18 because my mom won’t take me to the doctor to get medication, we just know i have it. this is seriously ruining my life and i just want to get rid of it n o w.
edited to add: i’m officially diagnosed just my mom can’t and won’t get me to the doctor to look into meds.
https://redd.it/kvyp45
@r_adhd
I finally passed my driving test
I guess this could have double flair, success and rant.
I finally passed the driving test, on my 5th attempt.
It took over a year and the costant feeling of complete failure made me feel so ashamed, even suicidal at times. So what my brain said as the first thing after I passed?
"Are you sure about that?"
So now I'm shaking scared that Actually at the paper I was signing wrong, and uderstood the test guy wrong, and I failed again.
I'll be picking up my papers that are used to get my license tommorow, so I guess if they give me something and not look at me like "wtf", then I guess I passed.
If I didn't, I don't even want to think off what I'm gonna do.
https://redd.it/kvyw35
@r_adhd
Hello my fellow scatters brains. Who here finds themselves trying to to do /be to much.. and never finishing things. ? My life feels like a never ending todo list, Maybe I could just give up and be a simple person ?
I want to be a musician, an artist, a contractor, a tour operator, start this start that.. hard to focus on anything. I wish I could just sort out what I want to do like other people and get good at it, be it, and get the fruits. Instead my life feels like a never ending todo list that can't be finished.
I also feel like some people are always looking down my throat like I am lazy, meanwhile I am more like crazy, manic overworked and burnt out.
https://redd.it/kvyi65
@r_adhd
ADHD ruined my life
Don't even know the point in this anymore. Never been diagnosed because my mother says that I don't have ADHD and that she doesn't push me enough. I defiantly have it though because I fit all symptoms and always believed something is wrong. I'm going to fail my exams and I am always behind everyone else in scores on tests. Handwriting is terrible. Cant do anything productive. Always bored out of my mind. Its almost impossible to live like this. I could get diagnosed officially but that's difficult because of covid 19. Not that anyone cares about this. I understand everyone else struggles aswell but just wanted to rant about this somewhere.
https://redd.it/kvrtj1
@r_adhd
Emotional dysregulation sucks
I was excited to go to the store near my home, because I have two packages waiting for me at the post office there! Yay, new clothes for me to try on! Impulse bying is fun lol!
Then my girlfriend sent me a slightly mean text, that wasn't really even mean, and now I can't get up from the floor.
Emotional dysregulation sucks.
https://redd.it/kvp31s
@r_adhd
Just a reminder to check the pockets of clothes you have worn whether they're in your draws or on the floor.
I've been looking for a particular hairband for the last week and I found it today in the front pocket of a pink hoodie I wore last week and actually put away, I also found one of my fidget toys.
I do this regularly, this is how I lost my bus pass and one of my favourites rings. Luckily I found them both but I did have to buy a new bus pass because I needed to get places.
https://redd.it/kvsne9
@r_adhd
I'm talented but I'm unconscious 99% of the time.
I'm constantly fucking up my life because I just miss all the important administrative detail. I display all the symptoms of dementia. I need help getting dressed and I miss all appointments but I still make sound medical decisions when I'm on the wards.
I just need to be treated like a good piece of machinery. My partner is mad because I don't cook dinner for them... But I would if he'd physically move me to the stove and bring the ingredients home!
I'm a good vacuum cleaner but I'm not gonna clean if you leave me in my room and expect me to move to the mess myself.
Find yourself a good partner, everyone. Someone who appreciates your talents and respects you but is ready to treat you like a household appliance.
https://redd.it/kvq6bd
@r_adhd
What are you proud of today?
Got a good grade on a test? A new promotion at work? Finally finished a chore you've been putting off? We want to hear about it! Let us celebrate your successes with you!
https://redd.it/kvr7iw
@r_adhd
I’ve been blaming ADHD for my poor memory. But the reality is I never pay enough attention to create the memories that I later convince myself I lost!
I was recently having a conversation with a friend. Something was mentioned that I had no memory of. I instinctively said, “My memory sucks.”
Then self-awareness hit me - like a can of twisted tea to the face - as I realized I had been fading in and out of the current conversation. It’s damn hard to recall memories that you never created in the first place!
https://redd.it/kvn8ru
@r_adhd
I think running might do more for my ADHD than I gave it credit for.
I started running again at the end of November, minimum once a week, goal was three times a week.
Suddenly..l started feeling a little more joyful and grounded. That manifested as spending more time on hobbies I cared about and less time on the internet. It also manifested as better sleep, better hydration, and better nutrition.
All of this came relatively easy and I was feeling relaxed in the early evening instead of hopeless.
My fiancé injured himself on January 1st. Subsequently, that was our last run as we have been doing this together (we like running on the track because we’re both out of shape and live in a place where there is only uphill. So, we run at night when no one else is using it. I don’t want to go alone because female running alone at night = scary).
Even though I’ve been doing other forms of exercise (dance, barre, and yoga) I felt myself petering out the last few days. I wondered what on earth was going on? I was doing so well! Why does this always happen? I was so upset.
Then, as I went to take a 6pm depression nap it hit me. The only major change that might affect me in this way is that I haven’t been running.
Thought I’d post this in case anyone else is experiencing something similar.
I guess this is a success/celebration because if my calculations are correct, I’ve unlocked +1 positive coping mechanism.
https://redd.it/kvla3b
@r_adhd
The best coping mechanisms i didn't know were coping mechanisms until this year
Weighted blanket: whether I am under-stimulated or overstimulated it always helps lay on the floor with it. (noise proof headphones are a bonus)
Making all digital screens black & white.
Always carrying my backpack and every essential object has a consistent place.
Want to remember something? Make it visible. Toothbrush, face wash, meds (caution with roommates can interfere with that.
Lay things out. Make it a way to exercise self love. Have a mindset of "Oh I wanna surprise myself with a convenient morning. I'll lay out all my clothes. Plan my breakfast for the morning. It puts a smile on my face first thing in the morning
Routines. Once I get it/build it I THRIVE OFF STRUCTURE. A cup of tea before bed and a bunch of fans turned on for noise to sleep.
All this being said I wanna also acknowledge ADHD aint the same for everyone. I am lucky was diagnosed around when I was in 2nd grade. We all figure out different ways to tweak out life from average peeps to play to our strengths and compensate for out weaknesses.
What are some small tricks you guys use?
https://redd.it/kvlb2d
@r_adhd