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TIFU by inheriting a war crime and passing it on to my English teacher.
This happened back in high school,so only about 3 - 4 years ago. I was on my period, so I headed to the bathroom during break, only to unsurprisingly find every stall occupied. Eventually, a girl I knew emerged from one of the stalls. The moment her eyes met mine, she looked utterly mortified. I didn't think much of it; I just gave her a friendly smile and slipped in right after her. After all, I was just there to change my pad. No big deal.
The toilet lid was down. I lifted it up. What lay in that bowl was not human. The sheer, colossal scale of this formidable entity was genuinely terrifying. It was a deep brown, sleek with almost no texture, and ridiculously thick and long. It just kept going. To make matters worse, the surrounding water was dyed a dark yellowish-red.
I am still deeply terrified to find out if that monstrosity was the malevolent, collective amalgamation of several people or if it truly came from a single person who just casually dropped the Tsar Bomba in a school bathroom.
I pretended I saw nothing, and hit the flusher, only to realise that the toilet was completely broken. I changed my pad, and opened the door to go wash my hands, only to nearly shit my pants at the sight before me.
My English teacher was standing right there. Arms crossed. Waiting. I realise; is this exactly what the girl before me felt when she saw my face? My teacher gave me a smile before stepping past me toward the stall that housed the active war crime. But I hadn't closed the lid. The second she crossed the threshold, she froze dead in her tracks. She just stood there, paralysed, staring down into the abyss.
I immediately lunged to her side to plead my innocence, saying something like "That wasn't me! I swear! I was just in there to change my pad!"
You know that Attack on Titan scene where Eren Yeager is whispering in his father’s ear, forcing him to steal the Founding Titan? That was what it looked like.
She just nodded blankly, but I could tell her mind had entirely left me. I quickly scrubbed my hands and got out of there. To this day, I don't know if that same fate of inheriting that thing befell my English teacher. We never spoke of it again in a mutual, unspoken pact to pretend we saw nothing.
TL;DR: Ignored a signal not to walk in. Walked into a school bathroom stall to find a human-made Tsar Bomba poop clogging a broken toilet. Stupidly left the lid open, walked out, and came face-to-face with my English teacher, and I spent the next thirty seconds aggressively whispering into her ear that the monstrosity wasn't mine.
https://redd.it/1wrgwmr
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by going to the same concert twice and still being a nuisance.
as the title says, I’ve gone to a concert and I’ve been a total bother, not just once, but twice.
So a band I really like booked a show not too far from me yesterday. i don’t usually go to shows to avoid this type of situation, but I decided to make an exception because I really like these guys
To give a bit of context, I’m a guy in his late 30s and I wont sugar coat it, I’m obese. I’m huge. This has always been a problem. If I buy a seat to watch a show, I end up overflowing in my seat and messing with people sitting next to me.
When I initially shopped around for a ticket to this specific show, I tried to buy a seat in the back as far as I could be to everyone, but sadly I couldn’t find anything that wouldn’t touch anyone else around so I decided to get a standing ticket to be up front instead.
I male it early to the show, get a great spot up front and the opening band starts. so far so good. I’m not bothering anyone and I’m enjoying myself.
Things hit the fan when the main band started playing. The crowd doubled almost instantly and everyone was pretty much shoulder to shoulder.
That’s when I started being a total pain. I kept bumping into the people around me. my waddling made me step on peoples feet. I blocked everyone behind me and took up do much room.
With the number of people around and the shows pyrotechnics, it felt like it was a hundred degrees i there. I can guarantee that people don’t spend hundreds of dollars to be pushed and knocked around by a fat sweaty dude.
That’s when I decided to show a bit of respect for my fellow concert goers and move in a corner and stop monopolizing premium concert space.
If I would have left it at that, I could just consider it a learning experience and move on. Where I F‘d up is by deciding to buy another ticket for the next day’s show.
The second show was in a less popular venue, so I selfishly figured it would be mess crowded.
Unsurprisingly, the exact same thing happened, but worse. i think I bumped into the same person about 20 times. I messed up someones head banging by being in the way and nearly spilled someones drink when I tried to throw my fist in the air.
I eventually had enough decency to not have a repeat of the day before and just noped out of there.
I feel bad for being an absolute pain, to two different groups of people.
TL;DR : went to the same concert twice and was an absolute obstacle to people enjoying themselves.
https://redd.it/1wrd3ez
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by being a horrible teacher and petulant child
I’m an absolute piece of garbage. Not the kind who starts a story like this hoping that with a wink and a nod I’m going to garner sympathy. Don’t. Seriously. And I’m not in a bad place. I love myself. Always have always will. This is just me knowing I crossed a line and my teaching career is suffering for it.
I have a student in my classroom. Obligatory cya that this happened on a different planet. And if someone tries to find me irl I’ll say I sold this account to whoever’s writing it. Anyway this student has been a problem that spans every aspect of school. He runs around the room, he makes loud disruptive noises , he steals , he never does one iota of work and when I sit on him (not literally) to get him to work he hisses. Anytime I discipline him or say his name for a redirect he hisses and flails his arms behind him at an angle like goku.
He does this a lot and combined together the movements and the sound it is just so stupid looking to me, and extremely annoying.
One day, after a laundry list of misbehaviors I’ve been documenting with some support from admin and zero support from parents , I was at wits end. I was so frustrated. I just wanted to teach the kids who paid attention and wanted to learn how to do something mathematically. During direct instruction I have found that ignoring him helps me get through it but I just couldn’t handle it today.
After I saw that he threw something across the room that broke I lit into him like I never have : “look (student)
I’m over this you need to knock it OFF! “ here he goes with his flailing and little growl grgeararrehhhh to the corner and punched a dent in the dry wall “ I can’t have you running g around like a zesty vampire going “blahhhhh blahhhh grahhhh” “mimicking him to a tee even with the arms behind me at an angle all the while. The rest of the class laughed at him basically agreeing that’s what he does except for the one or two girls who felt bad that he was made fun of so much that they didn’t laugh even a little. I wasn’t trying to be funny I was just so mad I make fun of people when I lose my composure. I briskly walked over to the broken item and found it was something of mine. My watch.
This is when the real fu happens. I find a picture of nic cage being a vampire in a meme and display it on the screen. I draw everyone’s attention and say “grshhhh”
He was quiet the rest of the day.
Enter next week look who all of a sudden wants parent teacher conferences scheduled. Little goku.
I also get a call from admin while driving to my second job and am asked “did you call a student a zesty vampire?”
That conversation didn’t end well.
I don’t think my career is going to either.
Sorry cuz mobile.
Sorry cuz I’m supposedly a grown man making fun of an eleven year old.
TLDR I called my favorite /least favorite student a zesty vampire and made him feel like garbage.
https://redd.it/1wrbgqm
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by not believing someone who said a pepper was a ghost pepper
TLDR: I ate a ghost pepper because I didn't fully believe the seller was selling actual ghost peppers. The pepper turned out to be an actual ghost pepper.
This sounds very bad but it is very funny in context. I will have to give some context from last year to explain exactly what I did today and why I did it.
I am a vendor's assistant who buys things from stalls and I stumbled upon a stall that said they sold ghost peppers, I was skeptical since it didn't look like a ghost pepper it looked like an actual ghost instead of a shriveled pepper. I bought it and ate it, it wasn't spicy at all(it was as spicy as a green bell pepper) and I told them as such. Turns wasn't a ghost pepper but a Bishop's Head pepper, which I still enjoyed.
Today the same vendor from last year approached our stall saying they actually had ghost peppers this year, I was understandably skeptical so I followed the person to the stall I bought the peppers. there were only 4 in stock and I bought them for a dollar. I began to eat one right in front of them, making them chuckle.
It wasn't spicy at first but after a few moments and finishing eating the pepper I felt the spice hit me, I didn't cry but I told them it was indeed what they told me and my nose began to run and there was an unpleasant plastic taste in my mouth for a while afterwards. I laughed with the sellers because that was a dumb thing for me to do and I feel like I am going to regret it right now, at least three hours from when I ate it.
https://redd.it/1wqv1s3
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by listening to Smosh Reddit reads while driving
I a 26m lost my job due to government budget cuts and I had to do uber full time to make ends meet. I thought it wouldn’t be long to find another job quickly but became my field is so dependent on government grants it’s been hard to find any position. Since I’ve been driving so long I started to space out while driving because music isn’t engaging to me. Causing me to space out while driving so I needed to find something that wasn’t music to keep me entertained so I can focus better. I started listening to podcasts and it helped a lot. After going through a few different genres I finally landed on the smosh podcast. It had more episodes than any of the other ones I was listening to and actually added episodes weekly so I didn’t need to worry about not having something to listen to. Now here is where I fucked up. I had so bills suddenly come up and I needed to grind so
I stayed out much later than usual. It was 3 am and I had one passenger left to go. I was spacing out so I didn’t really remember what the story Shane was reading was about. All I remember is it was the gay episode. I see my passenger walking towards my car and I pause it to confirm my passengers identity and started the ride. While driving off I started the podcast and the first words out of Shane’s mouth at full volume was “well if you want I can motor boat your ass” I suddenly woke right up and quickly muted it. I looked in my mirror hoping they were wearing headphones but they weren’t. I was internally panicked because I a very large man played something wildly inappropriate in front my woman shaped passenger at 3 am. I didn’t know what to say and when I was about to apologize they just said “hey is that smosh?” I gave the biggest sigh of relief and told them that I didn’t know that Shane would say that and ended up apologizing. They said it was fine and that they love the podcast too. We ended up having a fun conversation during the rest of the ride. After we got to their stop I told them that I enjoyed the conversation and that I’m glad I didn’t disturb them with my radio. And they responded with “it’s okay I naturally feel more comfortable around gay men”. I’m not gay but I’m still glad I made them feel safe.
TL;DR I played an inappropriate podcast in front of a passenger and luckily they also liked the show.
https://redd.it/1wqpmup
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by destroying my whole week after a hook up
I’m just a 24 year old depressed guy, anyway last week I matched with a 34 year old girl on tinder, we agreed to go out and match on sunday. Well it happens and next thing you know I lost my v card, I thought condoms were for idiots even though in my mind I was thinking of STD’s, well I caught something but probably the “best” thing I can catch.
A male yeast infection. Day 1 comes and goes and my mind is traumatized with paranoia and I immediately went to PP for every injection and prescription.
Day 2, my balls are weirdly itchy
Day 3-4 my penis head is itchy tingly burning
Day 5 both itchy and burning and now my balls are itcht
Day 6 my penis had various red rashes and I’m getting discharge
Looks and feels like a sun burn on my balls, dry flaky red rashes, burns if I touches it
Now I gotta go back and get rechecked in a month for additional testing and next week for a check up because of these new symptoms
TL;DR hooked up, got worried over std’s, got a male yeast infection, need treatment… could be worse
https://redd.it/1wqnguz
@r_channels_tifu
this? I would like to say yes. Sadly I can think of three other times right off the top of my head where my desperation to be on time later on caused me to do the exact same thing, just in different scenarios (snow storm although that was the school’s fault, flood, and a school incident where the teacher even called me an idiot for that one). So probably not. Thankfully I’m no longer in school so I can at least say I won’t make any more of the same mistakes.
TL;DR I was a goody two shoes who couldn’t be late for any reason. Couldn’t get to school because of police tape but in my mind, being on time for school mattered more. Ducked under police tape and ran from police to get to school on time only to be sent home. Found out they blocked the way to school because there was an active thankfully not real bomb threat.
https://redd.it/1wqamfy
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by letting Siri brainwash me into a country music fan
TIFU by letting Siri brainwash me into a country music fan
Every single time I try to catch up on my messages, the exact same tragedy unfolds:
Me: "Siri, play my texts."
Siri (with zero hesitation): "Playing Choosin' Texas by Ella Langley."
Me: "NO, Siri, stop! Play my TEXTS. T-E-X-T-S!"
Siri: 🎵 Choosin' Texas... 🎵
I don't even like country music. Or at least, I didn't. But after getting into a screaming match with a virtual assistant a dozen times a day, something snapped. I tried enunciating. I tried doing a crisp, theatrical British accent. I tried whispering it directly into the microphone like a secret agent.
Doesn't matter. Siri is relentless. She has one mission, and that mission is Ella Langley.
At this point, I think Siri is actually getting paid under the table by Nashville executives. It’s a psychological operation, and it worked. Last night, Choosin' Texas played for the 14th time against my will, and instead of yelling at my phone... I caught myself tapping my steering wheel. By verse two, I was singing along.
I still haven't heard a single one of my unread text messages, but honestly? Absolute banger. 10/10 marketing strategy.
TL;DR: I repeatedly asked Siri to "play my texts," but she misheard me and forced me to listen to "Choosin' Texas" by Ella Langley so many times that I gave up hating country music and became a fan.
https://redd.it/1wq75ou
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by lying to my friend aka my roommate
Today I fucked up by lying to my roommate who is also my best friend about me finding an apartment to rent.
I (23F) and my roommate (23F) have been living in the same room for almost a whole year. Until today we had never EVER had any problems and she had become one of my closest friends. We were both actively trying to find ourselves apartments to move out to so we wouldn’t have to have any roommates at all (we currently live in a three bedroom apartment as 6 roommates) so me finding an apartment wasn’t the problem.
The problem began when my DUMB ASS got an appointment to check out this apartment (which had previously been suggested to my roommate around two months ago and she’d immediately told me about it and that she was interested but she never got an answer). So I went to check out the place but I never told her I got an appointment for the same apartment.
Me and another girl were invited over to check it out and one of us was supposed to be chosen to move in and the owner said he will decide quickly so I assumed in a few days.
I was honestly excited about getting the place but due to previous rejections kept quiet in case I didn’t get it. I had also noticed that anytime I told people about something in my life that was still in the process of happening it would 99% of the time not work out.
After getting no answer for a week I just concluded that I hadn’t gotten the apartment so I got annoyed and decided to forget about it.
A day or two later I wanted to be sure so I emailed the owner about why I didn’t get notified about getting the place or not and he told me he’d decide in a few days.
Now even after this I kept my otherwise forever wide open mouth shut. That Wednesday I received an email telling me I got the place. But I hadn’t really legally gotten the place so I thought if I told anyone and later got told that the owner changed his mind it’d be kinda stupid and embarrassing.
Then I got a formal appointment to sign the lease on my way to work after class
And my stupid ass
After coming back home
Lied to my roommate. Why you might ask? Cause I’m a self destructive piece of shit. I thought she’d be mad I didn’t tell her from the beginning so I said I’d only gotten contacted to see the place and she should contact the owner since he had previously said that he had many apartment units he wanted to rent at the same location.
Well she did contact him and he told her “no I only had one apartment available and I gave that to (my full fucking name)”
She later confronted me about it and I told her the truth. It was horrible. She was so super disappointed in me. She definitely hates me now and I don’t have my best friend anymore or enough time to mend things since I have to move out in a few days. I hate myself so much and have no idea how to fix things. I got super stressed and bought her an electric hand mixer she had wanted for a while as a way of apologizing but I know she’s super mad at me.
I don’t have any family in this town and life is super hard as it is, I really didn’t need or can afford to lose a good friend over my own stupidity.
Tl;dr: I lied to my roommate about finding an apartment, she contacted the owner I’m about to rent from and found out I lied and now hates me. She’s my only friend. I really fucked up big time
https://redd.it/1wq2c19
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by following 2 cool girls to see where they were going and getting stuck in a favela
First of all, I think it's important to clarify that I'm a woman and I had absolutely no bad intentions.
Well, I live nearby a couple of favelas in Brazil. It's very common to have a favela among the main parts of the city here and I live in a relatively nice neighborhood.
For context, I'm an alternative person and my city doesn't have the best alternative scene and it's very rare to find cool places around here.
Yesterday I was waiting for the bus to come home. It's a very short distance, something like 15 minutes tops and the bus stop happens to be exactly in the favela entrance, in a busy square.
The bus was late and I was just minding my business listening to my podcast and I noticed 2 girls approaching each in a bicycle. They were really well dressed, one of them was wearing ankle length leopard print stiletto boots and a beret. HEELS. IN A BIKE. Like, it was the coolest sight ever. The other one was wearing the coolest harnesses and a demonia (iyyk). They got out of their bicycles and parked them in the square and headed to the favela.
I don't know what got to me, but I figured that they might be heading to some nice alternative place dressed like that. Maybe some concert, I don't know. In my mind it made sense that someone would open a basement or alternative dump of some sorts in a place like that. It is downtown and the places near the entrance tend to be gentrified (favela tourism is a thing, you gringos love to climb them).
I decided to discreetly follow the girls. To be fair, I am an impulsive person and I am also a woman in her early 20s so I figured that I would not scare them. I don't know why i didn't simply ask them. I could've complimented their outfits and they would probably tell me if they were heading somewhere nice. But no, my stupid brain HAD to jump into the stupidest choice. I began to follow them. Favelas are usually in the highest spots and you usually have to climb a hill and pass through many alleys. It's very intricate and it's easy to get lost if you don't know where you are going.
About 15 minutes into my little adventure I came into my senses and realized that not only what I was doing was creepy but incredibly stupid. I was already deep into the favela and I could not find my way back. I stopped following the girls and tried to go back to the square but it was like getting lost in a labyrinth and this turned south really fast. Inside the favelas is actually relatively "safe" in the sense that you won't be robbed as most factions have strict rules against stuff like that, but you will eventually see someone with a gun, especially near the entrance. And that's exactly what happened to me. I saw some guys with some huge guns and I panicked so hard that I started jogging into the favela again.
I eventually found a pizza place still open (it was like 9pm) and sat there to figure what to do. I had no cellphone reception and had to order a soda to get a WiFi password. I spent like 40 minutes trying to order an Uber until one of the drivers kindly informed me that no one in their right mind would enter such a place in their car and that I would have to go back to the entrance if I wanted to get out of there.
Google maps was also useless as I had no reception so I had to resort to asking the people in the pizza place for directions and thankfully they were really helpful but I'm really bad with directions so I got lost AGAIN and I had no choice but to ask for directions. The problem is, there were no people on the streets but the armed guys and I feared that maybe the police was planning some operation of some sorts because it made no sense for the place to be this deserted.
As I was gathering the courage to ask the very armed guys for directions I was very stupidly staring and they obviously got suspicious and approached me with very little regard to the deadly weapons they were caring asking in a not so nice way why the fuck was I staring at them. Thankfully, my brain decided to do the
TIFU by embarrassing myself at karaoke
this is prob gonna be the most boring post on this subreddit, also i cant believe im doing this but like i need to get it out somewhere, but i absolutely massacred “i want you back” by the jackson 5 at karaoke at a music club. and like the crazy part is that i know i can sing. i’ve been professionally trained. i’ve done singing exams and done well on them. it’s a known thing about me by everyone who’s close to me that i’m a pretty good singer. but i’ve never sang solo in front of a lot of people, which is crazy to think about but i‘ve just always been really shy (the singing training wasn’t to be apart of performance, but as an application to having learnt music theory). so i got up in front of all those people, stammered out “i’m so scared”, did a little sway to the beginning part of the song, and proceeded to shatter everyone’s eardrums. also should mention this is the music club at my university and i’m in my first year. fml. i’m so embarrassed. am i doomed forever yea or nah.
TL;DR: voice cracked like an egg in front of loads of people at karaoke at my uni’s music club and i’m mortified.
https://redd.it/1wpipyn
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by donating my passport inside a book
A while back my sister and her kids were coming over and I was cleaning up my apartment. I had my passport sitting out with some other documents and didn't want my nephew grabbing it, so I slid it inside a thick book on my shelf.
I remember thinking I'd move it back later.
I completely forgot.
Months passed and I didn't need my passport for anything. At some point during that time I did another big cleanup and donated two bags of of different stuff including books I hadn't touched in years to a local charity shop.
Last week my manager told me our company was sending a few of us to a trade fair in Germany and asked me to send over my passport details so they could book everything.
That was when I realized I had absolutely no idea where my passport was.
I searched every drawer, folder, backpack and suitcase in my apartment. Then while staring at the bookshelf I suddenly remembered putting it inside a book.
The book wasn't there.
Took me another minute to remember I'd donated it months ago.
I called the charity shop and explained the situation. They checked, but the book was long gone. They don't keep records of who buys individual donated books either, so that was basically the end of that.
I reported the passport lost and started looking into getting a replacement, but there was no way I could get everything sorted in time for the Germany trip.
My coworkers are going to the fair without me.
So because I once decided a book was a good temporary place for my passport, I managed to permanently lose it and miss a work trip to Germany.
TL;DR: Hid my passport inside a book, forgot about it for months, donated the book, lost the passport for good and now I'm missing a work trip to a trade fair in Germany.
https://redd.it/1wpkdn0
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by vaccinating a cat alone
i work at a shelter, and part of my duties during down time is to make sure animals are up to date with their vaccinations. typically, we’re only meant to do animals available for adoption, but we were super slow today and i wanted to be helpful and do some animals not up for adoption yet so we’re caught up.
the animals not up for adoption are usually on wait to get fixed among other reasons. we have a rule that if a cat hisses and tries to swipe you leave it alone. so there i am, in a good groove, i’ve done about 8 cats so far and i have like 8 or so left. i go to open the kennel of one cat, a 7 lb tabby, who took the opportunity to run for freedom.
she escapes, starts going bat-shit crazy in the room running around. immediately i abandon my injection, because clearly she was telling me she wasn’t feeling it. i grab a blanket so i can grab her safely, but she’s evading me every step of the way. finally i get her cornered, im about to throw the towel over her when she launches herself at my face. next thing i know, i have a black eye, a huge scratch down my cheek, and my nose chain is hanging off because my nose piercing popped off. a text for help, a wonderful coworker with a net later, and she is safely back in her kennel.
i walked down the hallway to the clinic looking straight out of a horror movie with blood dripping down my face and my eye swelling. thankfully she didn’t scratch my eye because the last thing i need is to lose half my vision, all i lost was a little bit of dignity and had a hit to my ego. so yup, i definitely fucked up by trying to be ambitious and vaccinating the wrong cat alone lol
TL;DR: i work at a shelter and got my ass kicked vaccinating a cat by myself.
https://redd.it/1wpijz4
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TIFU by showing my mother in law and young nephew hardcore porn
Ok so obligatory TIFU this didn’t happen today but around 20 years ago.
I brought into work a VHS of a few episodes of “Devil Man” anime I had recorded from the TV to borrow to one of my work friends, he watched it and brought it back in.
As he passed it to me someone saw the VHS and asked what it was and my friend said yea it was good so he asked to borrow it and brought it in a few days later, it went through a few workmates like that, maybe 5/6 maybe more people who mostly just said yea that was good and passed it back without incident.
I took it home, didn’t do anything with it and then my nephew came with my mother in law, I put the anime on and bam, the TV was lit up with instant hardcore porn, some chick getting absolutely railed by at least one guy.
I had no idea where it was coming from, I froze, it felt like everyone did, just staring at the TV with some chick wailing whilst getting brutally fucked, it took way too long for me to just simply switch off the TV before apologising repeatedly.
Like someone has recorded over devil man and I had been lending it out to people totally unaware and now I was premiering it to my wife’s family FML
TL;DR I I mistakenly played hardcore porn to wife’s family members
https://redd.it/1wpddvm
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by killing Nana
So let me set the scene. It's early morning and I'm making breakfast in the kitchen for my toddler, making lunches for my older kids to take school, the pets are running around, my teenage daughter is teenage daughtering (iykyk) and life be lifing.
It's the usual morning chaos happening and I get a text message from my partner. I'm busy so I just skim over it and look for important keys words. I read "Nana passed away this morning. I'll fly straigh out from work at the end of the week to the funeral."
So naturally, I'm like, oh my gosh, his Nana has passed away. I immediately spend about 10 minutes writing him a loving condolence message, letting him know I'll be there to support him, that I love him, all the usual heartfelt stuff.
Then I think, I better message my father-in-law. So another lovely condolence message. Lots of love, lots of support. Very sincere.
Then I message my entire familyincluding my teeangers who have since left to go to school, to let them know that Rob's Nana has passed away and ask them if they could please send him and dad-in-law a message of condolences.
I am now fully committed to being supportive and this funeral that apparently exists.
Then my phone rings, it's my partner. He always calls in the morning to say good morning. For context he works away for a week at time and comes home for a week so lots of texts and calls. I answer, "Hey babe, are you okay? How are you feeling? I'mso sorry about Nana."
And he says, "Babe, it was a dream."
Excuse me?!!! Apparently, he was telling me about a dream he had where his Nana had passed away and he had to fly straight from work to her funeral. I had skimmed the message so aggressively amid the life be lifing and teenager teenagering chaos that I apparently removed the crucial information that none of this actually happened.
So my poor father-in-law who is retired, older, and a complete night owl is going to wake up whenever he wakes up, to a text from me expressing my deepest condolences on the death of his mother. A death he isn't even aware of, because she is still alive and walking framing, because ain't no kicking happening at 90yrs old.
Followed by another message saying, "When you're ready to talk, I'll give you a call." And then... "I'm really sorry. Big fuck up on my part. It was a dream Rob had. I thought Nana had passed away." I have accidentally informed an entire family that a woman is gone when she is, in fact, very much alive.
My family think this is very funny. I do not.
TL;DR
So TIFU by accidentally announcing Nana’s passing away to the family while she is still alive and well. The only thing I actually killed today was my own dignity.
https://redd.it/1woptg8
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TIFU by thinking my sewing machine was broken for 9 years
When I was young, my mom bought a really inexpensive sewing machine at a yard sale. The owner had lost the instruction manual and also couldn’t remember if it worked, since it had been a long while since she used it. My mom sort of assumed if it was broken, we’d just go get it fixed. I remember it being a super good deal (like 10 bucks for that, a nice carrying case, and some other household appliance stuff.
Well, as it often does, life got in the way and it sort of just sat collecting dust. It wasn’t until I was in high school that I took an interest in sewing. Unfortunately, when I decided to boot up the machine and see if I could do something it didn’t seem to work. I tried a couple times before shrugging my shoulders and just going ‘oh well it’s broken’. My mom got me a new one and that was that for another couple years; I was too busy/lazy to get it fixed or just throw it out.
This weekend, there’s a traveling group of repair people who fix stuff for free, and we wanted to finally take the sewing machine to it. I re-look at it again, poke around, try and see what the problem is. I look at a tutorial on how to thread the machine and realize there’s one step that I haven’t been doing. Suddenly the machine works like a gem when I do it, and apparently had been in complete working condition for the past 9 years.
I also just discovered a bunch of sewing feet, new needles, bobbins, and tools for the machine in a hidden compartment. I’m torn between feeling like a kid on Christmas and like the biggest dumbass on Earth for not googling it sooner.
TLDR: thought my machine was broken, leading to me buying a new one. It wasn’t and there’s just a specific way you need to thread it.
https://redd.it/1wrfi74
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by falling in love with same guy again.
I've (M) had a crush on this guy once 4 years ago, then 2 years ago, and now one more time today. it is beyond me how this keeps happening.
4 years ago we had only just met. i was younger and very wistful and did not have much regard for my future, and falling love with some random guy was exactly what my brain constituted as a "good idea". he would pick me up bridal style constantly, sometimes by the waist, and that was good enough for me. i even started wearing a rose quartz necklace; i was ridiculously delusional.
then things moved around and i had fallen even deeper into an already toxic friendship, resulting in being cut off from this guy for a good long while. when that friendship ultimately ended he called me to console me, and i assume that's what did me in for a second time. if i was delusional the first time around, then they'd have to name a disorder after whatever i experienced in 2024-25. i spent an entire winter ripping my hair out, nonstop talking about him, and somehow deluded myself into confessing to him on valentines day. surprise; he said no. he was very sweet about it and we continued to be friends, and he moved away for a short period of time not long after. i figured this was the end, and that i could move on and not think about it ever again. that summer i started dating somebody and i knew that i was free.
except that i wasn't. because just a week ago that guy broke up with me, and at the time of writing this post, i hung out with this everlasting crush only a few hours ago. we watched a movie and mostly just lazed around his house for a handful of hours. we took a nap on his couch and then moved to his bedroom, where we napped again. it was a lot more cuddly than when we were on the couch. we were face-to-face ar one point, our faces pressed against eachother and our arms around one another. i then turned my back to him, in hopes of shutting down this awful feeling in my stomach, but instead he put his arm around my waist and tugged me closer. i felt like crying. i stared at the clock on his dresser because i knew that in an hour i'd have to leave, and i would have to sit alone in my house knowing that i'm still weak.
TL;DR: crushing on the same dude three different times despite already being rejected, having a relationship, and etc. i'm convinced this is my life now.
note: he didn't reject me because he's straight, i know for a fact that he's bi. i think i'm just not his type—fine by me! i want out!
https://redd.it/1wrbhgr
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU. I accidentally called the police
TL:DR So basically, it all started when I broke my sister’s squishy and cut her hair and I started to get mad at her for no reason and I kicked her and I thought she was actually injured and I was making fun of her so I was going to call my friend to show my sister crying but I was supposed to use WhatsApp and one of my friends had three of the numbers 911 so I used the phone app and called 911 on accident but I told them the truth about I was supposed to call my friend and I was watching TV that time and they thought it was another person so I told them the truth that it was the TV and my sister is panicking right now so are they coming to my house? I messed up so bad I don’t know what to do now. Idk what to tell my mom about it and my dad is not home I’m in shock rn… I’m cooked im so fcked..
https://redd.it/1wr3hla
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by injuring my toe and calling into work under two hours
This is mainly a vent to be honest because I feel so guilty, embarrassed and am waiting for pain killers to kick in. So sorry for any formatting issues I am on mobile.
I (22f) had to move a recliner this morning before some builders our landlord hired come in this afternoon and in the process of moving it caught my big toe right under it. I've been limping trying to clean up the blood and ice it in time to head to my shift (which was in just over an hour) and found that I just physically couldn't come in. This stressed me out as I had already called in for yesterday because I was (and still am) getting over the flu. I called my manager, unfortunately sobbing from both pain and anxiety, who gave me the "you should've called in earlier" to which my mom (who was listening to the call just to be a witness) said "she just injured herself how was she supposed to call earlier?" and honestly I just feel so embarrassed and so immature for doing this. Now the store can't open and it's all my fault. I'm just feeling like the absolute worst for doing all this and feel that public humiliation like this is the punishment I deserve.
TLDR: Moved something when I probably shouldn't have right before my shift, hurt my big toe, had to call in under 2 hours and basically embarrassed myself to my employer and am probably going to be fired for this.
https://redd.it/1wqslxu
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU I texted my son's Driver's Ed teacher at 2am.
I'm an idiot.
I texted a question to my son's Driver's Ed teacher at 2am. I was thinking "Of course I'm not expecting a reply at 2am. I just wanted to send a question to the instructor when I'm thinking about it. Surely it's a business phone, not a personal number. She'll receive it when she's on business hours."
Nope.
I get a text back, "I don't know who this is, but my wife is trying to sleep."
My stupid autistic brain didn't even consider that of course a person in the year of our lord 2026 will likely run a private business from likely their own phone.
So... now I feel like the biggest jerk- not only was I rudely inconsiderate and intruded on another person's means of contact, business or not, but I also pissed off one of their family members waking him up.
Ugghh- I hate my stupid freaking social blind spots. I don't like how it negatively impacts other people. I own every one of them, trying to change my behaviors after each hard lesson.
I really am trying not to drag people down. Especially my own son.
God, I also hope this doesn't negatively impact the future of his driver's ed course participation.
So incredibly thoughtless.
"TL;DR"
So yes, today I fucked up at 2am by texting a stupid simple question I could have totally waited to do more reasonably later in the waking day, thus pissing of her husband, likely waking BOTH of them up in the middle of the night, and potentially also negatively jeopardizing my son's driver's ed course.
I'm a thoughtless idiot, and it seems I hate myself just a little bit more every day.
https://redd.it/1wqot0h
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by leaving ONE LINE from the resume template in my resume
This happened on September 7th and I just discovered it 2 minutes ago. I can't imagine telling anybody in my real life, because then they'll know this, and I'll have to hear about it at least one more time before I die in 4 decades, and I can barely stand to hear about it now, in my own head. I hope venting it to complete strangers will let me wallow in my idiocy and then I can let go. I also recognize this is not a big eff up, in the grand scheme of things. I'm writing this post instead of banging my head on my desk.
I went to go edit the summary of my resume before submitting it to a different type of job from my last batch of applications. I had been curious that I hadn't heard back from a single one of the last batch of applications. But I'm also trying to just keep moving forward, I have mild OCD, worrying about the last batch of applications was not something I wanted to do.
I had used a MS Word template that I liked, and it was setup for a makeup influencer. I left a line in from the template.
My professional summary, at the top of my resume, NOT for a makeup influencer read:
IT Professional with experience in ecommerce development and QA management. Proven track record of project leadership and delivering quality IT Products. Personal skincare enthusiast.
Everything else is incredibly professional, so this just makes it look like I'm either going to murder you for your skin, a la Buffalo Bill. Or that I'm soft pitching sexual favors in exchange for getting hired (I have a body that makes people treat me like a sex object, and it's in my LinkedIn profile pic).
Again, mild OCD, I'm aware that it is 99.9999% likely that they registered that it's just a random typo and are ignoring it for that. But jfc, I am already so burnt out on this culture/economy, this road bump is doing its darndest to make me quit altogether.
TL;DR: I left the template line "Personal skincare enthusiast" in my IT resume summary
PS: I hate the summary even without the typo. I hate selling myself, and I hate writing summaries. You can criticize it all you want, just know that we both know it's a crappy summary.
https://redd.it/1wq4qp8
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU for being an extreme goody two shoes and could have died due to it
This happened back in middle school, but it was suggested that I post this here. Basically for as long as I can remember I was an extreme goody two shoes. To a stupid degree really. I hated getting in trouble but also really hated being late to things and tended to have tunnel vision when it came to my routine thanks to my at the time undiagnosed autism.
This particular day I walked to school as I always did only to find my usual path was blocked. By what you may ask? Police tape, complete with cops and cop cars. No biggie. I lived in a big city, that was pretty common. I’d just go a few streets over and go around. I always left plenty of time to get to school and arrive early so I was in absolutely no rush.
Only my plan didn’t work out that way. Why? Because when I tried to go around I only found more police tape. So I tried again. And again. Everywhere I went was more police tape and more policemen.
Now a smart person might have talked to the cops and asked what was going on or maybe tried calling their parents or the school. I, however, was not a smart person. Not when it came to real life skills, anyway. And not when time was ticking down and I might ACTUALLY be late for school.
So what did I do? Stupidity and panic riding me like a fat kid on a too small pony, I waited for a cop to look the wrong way, ducked under the police tape, and ran as fast as my little legs could take me. Like a true, absolute, mother fucking idiot.
Some cops yelled at me, one broke the line to chase. I don’t know how I didn’t get caught cause I was a fat kid myself and I had absolutely no stamina, but somehow whoever tried to catch me was worse.
By miracle of all miracles, I did it. I made it to school with two minutes to spare. In all my sweaty, red faced, over excited nerd glory, I joined my friends while smiling proudly at them all as I announced much too loudly that I had made it despite thinking I was going to be late.
They looked at me like I was insane, and at first I didn’t get why. Then I finally got off my high pony and realized everyone wasn’t excited to be on time (obviously, no one ever was, I was the only freak like that) or had the usual exhausted school blues. Instead everyone looked incredibly nervous and scared like I had never seen.
Once it hit eight o’clock the principal held a megaphone to his lips and announced, “we’re going to see if we can get to [nearby elementary school a street over\]. From there, we’re going to try to safely release everyone to their parents.”
In no time at all the teachers corralled my confused nerdy ass along with all of the other middle schoolers into multiple single filed lines and marched us down the street into the elementary school. They did the best to reassure us that everything was okay as one by one, we were released into our parents’ care.
My parents were at work at the time. Usually that meant one of them would have to leave work and come get me for me to be released. Due to the nature of the emergency, the fact I lived so close, as well as the fact that I was a well known to the staff as a goody two shoes that would follow instructions no matter what, I was just allowed to leave without a guardian instead. This time I did choose to be a little bit “bad” and not take the quickest way home, just in case some of those same police officers who saw me duck under the police tape saw me.
At the time I was so disappointed that all of my hard work to be on time hadn’t been worth it. That night I learned how much on an idiot I was because a disgruntled worker nearby had apparently made in a bomb threat. The location? Basically right on top of my school. While there hadn’t actually been a bomb in the end, if there had been, my goody two shoes ass would have gotten myself killed for it. (Side note: my principal also got in trouble with the higher ups for this. Why? Because they said after taking us to the elementary school he should have just kept teaching us there somehow. Crazy.)
Did I learn anything from
TIFU by spilling my medication directly into my cats’ water dish.
I want to start by saying my cats are fine, I cleaned their water fountain and refilled it with fresh water.
A few days ago I put in for a refill on my ADHD med, which is a controlled substance. I just completed a drug screen last week (a regular thing that has to be done to continue getting the medication.) So, this morning I was officially out, but last night got the text saying it was ready. So I woke up early, got myself a coffee, and picked up my meds. Easy peasy!
I work from home, so after picking it up I went home. My cats are normally very clingy, but they’ve been more-so lately. I do community theater and tech week starts on Sunday. Normally this is no sweat, but I am the lead (title character and all!) so the sweat levels are off the charts. So since I spend a lot of time at rehearsal, they’re extra needy. No problem!
They like to take me on a tour of our place to check everything when I get home, first to the litter boxes (good), food dishes (good), and their water fountain (good, I just refilled the night before.) As I am inspecting their water, I am holding the prescription bottle in my hands. I was fiddling with the cap, planning to open it as soon as I walked away to grab my water.
Now, what happened next I can only describe as absolutely unbelievable. I am being tested for movement disorders, and this is part of the reasoning for it: sometimes certain parts of my body decide to spasm or just…not work for a bit. And in that moment, my hands betrayed me in a way I don’t know if I can forgive. I dropped the opened bottle.
As I look down, almost all of the pills landed directly in the tray on the water fountain. The tray did prevent them from going all the way into the water, however, there is still plenty of water in that part. Panicked, I pull the fountain off its base and rush to the sink. I removed the tray, drained most of the water, and then dumped the pills onto the dish drying rack (luckily empty, I put everything away last night.)
In that short time, every one of those pills had melted off their top layer, exposing the inside of the pills (which was admittedly cool if not for the fact they were now completely useless.) I then scooped them all up into paper towels in some attempt at salvaging them. I rushed back over to where the dish sits and find the few that landed on the floor - only to find that in my haste, I had spilled JUST enough water to damage all of them. I gathered them up, dried them off as best I could, counted them (all accounted for,) and threw them back in the bottle.
After thoroughly cleaning the water fountain, I filled it with fresh water, gave the floor a good scrubbing, and then proceeded to panic! Once I got control of myself, I called the pharmacy. They had me call my doctor, and after a brief hold of 17 minutes I got through to the receptionist. She contacted my nurse, who I just got off the phone with.
This wouldn’t be as big of an issue if it was any one of my other medications. The idea of having to not just survive tech week but also all of the shows was horrifying. Luckily, my nurse called back and we have a plan to handle this, but I just cannot believe my luck. I was supposed to have a productive day today but so far I’ve just messed up tremendously and had a meltdown. It’s all going to be fine, I’m just SO baffled by the circumstances that got me here.
TL;DR I accidentally ruined an entire month’s supply of my ADHD meds by spilling them into my cats’ water dish.
https://redd.it/1wq1im6
@r_channels_tifu
right thing and I lied that I got curious about the view from up there and ended up getting lost but had no way to use my phone to get out. They asked to see if I took any photos of them (I hadn't) but I did take a photo of said view when I was waiting in the pizza place so at least I had that. One of the guys offered to escort me into the square and I didn't have it in me to say no, so I allowed. He was heavily flirting with me and even asked for my number, which I gave to him even though I'm happily married because I had no guts to say no to the guy with a gun. He was surprisingly kind and even waited for my Uber with me.
Said Uber was really expensive and it's the end of the month so I was already on a budget and it seriously fucked up my finances but I had to get out of there as fast as I could. When I got home I was so pale and my eyes were 4 times bigger and I don't really know what that guy saw in me but when he messaged me I quickly thanked him for his help and informed him that I was married. I thought about blocking him but he was actually very kind and even said to text him if I feel like seeing the view again. I thought about asking if he knew of any alternative places there but I figured I wouldn't go anyway. I still don't know where the girls were going.
TL;DR: I followed 2 girls into a favela and ended up lost having to ask armed goons for help and spending a lot of money I didn't have getting home.
https://redd.it/1wpv36b
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by poisoning and injuring myself with Beech nuts
I've been getting into foraging and herbalism in the recent months and really enjoying it. I live under 4 beech trees and my garden is littered with Beech nuts. I read online that you can make homemade nut butter with them, so thought I'd give it a go!
3 days I was collecting and shelling bloody Beech nuts for. They're so small and fiddley that my hands ached from the shelling and a tendon in my right arm is now very sore due to the repetition. I must've shelled nearly 1000 little nutlets. It was an absolute nightmare but I read that the nut butter was delicious so I thought it'd be worth it.
It was not worth it.
I ate some today on a piece of toast and it was completley tasteless. Not only that but I think I may have undercooked them because about 15 mintues after eating them I feel absolutely awful. I've got awful nausea, dizziness and all-round, generally an upset stomach. They contain toxins which are bad for you which are meant to breakdown when cooked.
So now I feel sick and my arm hurts all because a stupid tasteless nutlets.
TL:DR Collected beech nuts for days. Got repetative strain injury from shelling them. Undercooked them, ate them, and now they've poisnoned me. I feel very sick.
https://redd.it/1wpr472
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by getting four vaccines at once.
I thought I was being smart and pragmatic. You know, get it over with and be done with it. I got Covid, Flu, Tetanus, and Shingles vaccines, two on each arm.
And yesterday was uncomfortable when I got the shots. A little sore in the arms. The Shingles and Tetanus hurt like hades going in but then it all settled so I thought I was good.
But no, I was restless all night and I’m sick as all hell today. No fever but I’m nauseated, my arms hurt like hell, and I work at a grocery store so I’m using my arms.
I tried to make it, I really did. I was supposed to work late tonight then turn back and go in the morning, so basically a clopen.
I finally said I need to go home after getting sick a bit so I’m currently waiting for my husband to come get me and regretting my own stupidity.
TL:DR got four vaccines at once, made me sick, had to leave work early, regretting life choices.
https://redd.it/1wpkc2k
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by accidentally convincing people my best friend died
My best friend has a birthday coming up and I’m putting together a surprise dinner for him. I booked a private room at a restaurant, and I wanted to make a little slideshow with old photos at the end.
I made a group chat with about 15 people and named it For "friend name" because I figured that was vague enough not to give away the surprise.
Then I sent:
“I’m putting together something for him. Send me your favorite photo of him and a short memory or story. Keep this quiet for now please.”
I thought that sounded normal.
Apparently between the group name and the message, it sounded like I was making a memorial.
One guy in the chat hadn’t spoken to him in months and privately messaged another friend asking if he knew what had happened. That friend apparently took the question as confirmation that something actually had happened and posted an old picture of the two of them on Instagram with “love you forever brother.”
People started asking him what happened, and he told a couple of them he didn’t know, just that I had made a group called For "friend name" asking everyone for photos and memories and told us to keep it quiet.
That is when my phone started blowing up.
I got messages like “Is he okay?” and “Dude what happened?” while having absolutely no idea what anyone was talking about.
Then his cousin saw the Instagram post and called his mom.
His mom called HIM crying.
He called me completely confused asking why people apparently thought he was dead.
So the surprise is ruined, half our friends know about the dinner, and I had to send a message saying “HE IS ALIVE. THIS IS FOR HIS BIRTHDAY.”
He thinks this is the funniest thing I’ve ever done. His mom does not.
TL;DR: Made a group called For "friend name" asked everyone for photos and memories for a surprise birthday slideshow, and accidentally made it look so much like a memorial that people thought my very alive best friend had died.
https://redd.it/1wpjt5s
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by saying I want to be a public defender
I recently graduated law school and had an interview with the state's attorney office for a law clerk to attorney position.
I bet most of you can guess where this is going.
The interview was going well. We were bantering, relating over me going to school in the Deputy's (who was present on the zoom) hometown, generally having a great time. I believed I answered all the questions correctly and with passion, displaying a true interest in doing the office. I shared that my spouse is located there and I will be relocating to join them. It was going great ...
UNTIL I was asked to share anything about myself and any questions I have for them. For context, the interview consisted of the Chief Deputy and the Appellate Supervisor who is also the supervisor over all incoming clerks (I am still awaiting bar results).
I responded with a swift, passionate "I want to be a public defender."
Mouths dropped. The deputy's assistant who was on the call taking notes, turned off her camera for maybe 20 seconds. I just told myself to remain calm and stone faced. The supervisor interrupted me and reminded me that I was speaking with prosecutors and questioning whether I was in the right place. The deputy was very nice and told me that the office is a progressive prosecution office. He shared more about the elected attorney who was a public defender before joining their office. It seemed that he had compassion for my fuck up and was trying to advocate for me in the way he could. He even asked whether I wanted to remain a consideration for the position or if I wanted him to give me a recommendation for the public defender's office next door (apparently they work very closely together).
I thanked him for his question and stood firm. I told them that I am not even in my first year of being an attorney. I dont know what I want, what my voice is, or where I'll do best. I do know that I am a fierce advocate and malleable. I am willing to learn and I will make mistakes but I will also correct them. I told them that hte only prosecutor's office I am familiar with is that of my school's city - an office notorious for corruption and greed. I would love to learn what progressive prosecution is, and overall, I value the opportunity to advocate and receive mentorship.
I dont know if I will get the job. I want it so badly. Any advice?
TL;DR: I said I wanted to be a public defender in an interview with the state's attorney office.
https://redd.it/1wpgtt8
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by tipping my pizza delivery woman $100.
I've read stories on this subreddit about people overtipping, but I decided to post mine because it's just as funny.
More than a week ago, they were going to sell boxes of Pokémon cards at a local store. One of my friends wanted to buy some for her son, but she was working that day. Since I was off, I volunteered to get to the store early and wait in line. I bought two boxes for a little over $90. When I saw her later that day, she gave me a nice crisp $100 bill for them. It had been a while since I had a $100 bill, so I decided to hold on to it for a while.
Fast forward to three days ago. Me and my girlfriend and two of her friends were at my house. We were drinking and watching movies. I was going pretty hard since I was off the next day. We decided to order pizza. My girlfriend volunteered to pay and I offered to pay the tip. When the doorbell rang, I got up. At this point, I was pretty hammered. I answered the door. A young woman handed me the pizzas. The bill was about $55. I handed her the money that my girlfriend gave me. I opened my wallet and I was going to pull out a $20 bill for a tip. Since I was drunk, I forgot that I had the $100 bill in my wallet. I pulled a bill out without looking and handed it to her. She got so excited and asked if I was serious. I said yes, of course. She said thank you so much, and she left.
After eating the pizza and drinking a bit more, we started talking about the Pokémon craze. Then I remembered that I had a $100 bill in my wallet. I grabbed my wallet, looked inside, and saw that it wasn't there. Even though I was really drunk, I realized that I tipped the woman $100. When I told my girlfriend and her friends, they just started laughing. And they kept laughing. I felt a lttle embarrassed. But the woman was glad to receive the tip, so that made me feel better.
TL;DR: I accidentally tipped my pizza delivery driver $100 while I was drunk. I realized that drinking and tipping don't mix.
https://redd.it/1wpdsz3
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by trusting someone with their word instead of assuming theyre a greasy slimeball trying to screw me over
I looked at a motorcycle two days ago that I saved up for and also borrowed money to purchase, as soon as i rode it a cable fell but the seller reassured me hed fix it the next day and if I even got cold feet hed give me the money back, and we can switch the bike back for the 1500 usd it cost me. So the next day I take it to get it looked at and it started leaking oil, and the guy at the shop told me it has a ticking carburator. I call the seller and agrees to meet, he keeps me waiting for hours and dodges all my calls. I know its on me for trusting the guy but fuck me im so much further back from my start. I cant focus in school or anything else I just keep thinking about how much work im gonna do to even make my money back, how long it took me to save, how much debt im already in. I havent showered of brushed my teeth in days, I feel like ive been on a bender trying to get my money back. Being poor is so expensive.
TL;DR I borrowed money just to lose it all in a desperate decision to get a junky motorcycle, I trusted the seller to go through with his word just to get fucked over. Pls never trust guys off facebook marketplace. Pls never make decisions off desperation.
https://redd.it/1wp1uzf
@r_channels_tifu