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R/demisexuality. Thanks to @reddit2telegram and @r_channels
Maybe I'm not demi
Maybe I'm just someone with CPTSD, borderline, trust issues, social anxiety, and inability to let anyone in, covering it up with "it's just how I'm wired" and while it still can be how i'm wired for being demi, i still believe that there is a chance i could be not demi.
When i talk drugs for example it releases a lot of pressure and pain from my CPTSD so it makes me think it was just that all along.
I have so far dropped the labels. I have stopped identifying myself and i have moved towards greater acceptance of myself in knowing that i haveba traumatized nervous system that is unable and struggles to let anyone in because intimacy is the greatest form of vulnerability and if I know that i calm down when i am calm then i am okay
Why should i not trust someone? Why must i develop an emotional connection? Is it because i struggle to build an emotional connection with someone else and i need them to fill in that spot while i feel a sexual attraction?
Am i sexually attracted to them or am i really just sexually attracted to the fact that they fill in a spot of me inside that i wasn't able to fulfill on my own? Really makes me think. Questions i still hold onto to this day.
Breaking discovery for me personally.
https://redd.it/1unfzpq
@r_demisexuality
For those that have experienced it, can you describe love/romantic attraction?
Hello wonderful people of r/demisexuality. A bit of backstory, I briefly did identify as demisexual/demiromantic when I was still trying to figure out myself (eventually realized I was a trans girl who didn't want to be in a relationship as a man to sum things up). I only really experienced attraction to 1 person in my life but we were just wayyyyy to different to ever work out (she was super Christian and homophobic). I never really planned on actively dating until around my mid 20s (I'm 18 nearly 19 for context), but my roommate said she was attracted to me and I felt something. We complement each other really well and enjoy each other's company but I'm just not sure if what I'm feeling is love? I don't have many friends and she is the only person that I really feel myself around so I'm not sure if I'm just attention-starved. I do feel some sort of attraction to her that I don't think is platonic but I'm just not really sure honestly. Can someone here help describe to me what love/romantic attraction feels like? We started talking May 23rd and met in person 2 days ago (future college roommate). I feel like I should really love her but I'm just not sure honestly. She's perfect and has like 0 red flags
https://redd.it/1un1pir
@r_demisexuality
"I can't make friends because I always end up falling for them." joke's on you, I don't even have any friends.
Don't get me wrong—this is mostly me making fun of myself. But I always find it a little funny when I see people say (and again, I'm not trying to downplay anyone else's experiences), "I can't make friends because I always end up falling for them."
It's funny because I'm 100% sure that'll never happen to me. And it's even funnier because, well... I'm demi, so in theory I'm supposed to end up falling for a friend, right? But once again... where are these friends everyone keeps talking about? 😂
Now for the not-so-funny part: I have a really hard time making friends. The whole concept of friendship feels so foreign and abstract to me that it actually makes it difficult for me to connect with other people. And yet, I used to sit with two or three girls in high school, and later in college ( i never considered them friends, nor did they consider me as a friend)
Anyway, for those of you who are in a relationship: how the hell did you meet your partner? Were you friends first? And if you relate to at least some of what I've said, how do you even make friends?
https://redd.it/1umyfqh
@r_demisexuality
super happy to be here
hi!!! I’ve had an inkling for YEARS that I am demisexual or exhibit the traits of someone demisexual. I never thought I needed community for it, considering it was a small part of my life. However Im getting older and more open to life — I realize how important this is to me.
I’m glad to feel more open about it, and I’m glad to know there is a name along with people who get it.
Thank you for having me, super excited to have a space.
https://redd.it/1umv9d7
@r_demisexuality
Am I bisexual or pansexual?
Am I bisexual or pansexual?
Am I bisexual or pansexual?
What is my sexuality? I need help figuring it out. \\\\\\\\\\\\\\[F 22\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\] I'm 80 percent attracted to women and 20 percent attracted to men I'm mostly attracted to women and feminity in men and women. but would date all genders. What is this called? Very rarely trans and non binary people
https://redd.it/1ums7sx
@r_demisexuality
Crush on a celebrity while going through a rough patch in my relationship
I (M25) am demisexual and have been with my girlfriend (F24) for 5 years. We’ve always gotten along incredibly well, but lately, I started working and barely have any free time. On top of that, my girlfriend lives in another city, so we hardly talk. When we do find some time to chat, everything feels really cold and distant.
In the midst of all this, I started listening to a specific singer a lot. I’ve watched her on podcasts, interviews, etc. The thing is, after a certain point, I developed a really strong crush on this artist. This is very hard for me because I rarely get crushes, especially on people I don’t know personally.
I don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about her, and I feel horrible because the last time I felt this way about someone, it was for my girlfriend. I think it’s strange having strong feelings for an artist, and for my girlfriend. What should I do?
https://redd.it/1umevg1
@r_demisexuality
Emotional connection has never made it to romantic connection
After the emotional connection was built I started to like them. It was either unrequited or never discussed. The last 10 years history worth mentioning
•had a class with them. Walked to the next class together. After semester class was over, stopped taking
• (new person)- friends that talked every week for a few years. Their texts would get flirty never did anything in person. They stopped the relationship after being creepy
•( new person)- met in zoom class. Asked for my Snapchat. Chatted on there for a few weeks. Just when I started developing feeling, they posted for their 5 year anniversary!
• (new person)- worked with them for a summer. Spent a decent amount of time within the job. When the job finished, we stopped talking.
https://redd.it/1ultqbf
@r_demisexuality
demisexual or demiromantic or ykw, both?
hiiii I’m 18 (F) and I’m a little confused about where I fit. from what I’ve read, demisexual is experiencing sexual attraction only after forming a strong emotional bond, while demiromantic is experiencing romantic attraction only after that bond. (right guys ??)
for context, I’ve only ever genuinely liked and loved one person. I’ve known him for over 5 years, and I didn’t develop feelings for him right away. As we got older, built trust, and formed a deep emotional connection, I started liking him for who he was, not just his appearance. Eventually, I became both romantically and sexually attracted to him because of that connection.
The thing is, I struggle to feel that way about anyone else. I can recognize that someone is objectively attractive, even if they’re exactly my type, but I don’t actually feel attracted to them. If I don’t feel emotionally connected or have that “spark,” there’s nothing there for me romantically or sexually. (like actually im so serious, my body will be turned tf off)
I’ve also never been someone who had lots of crushes growing up. I always felt different because my friends could instantly like someone based on looks, talk to multiple guys, do sexual things without a meaning towards it, while I always felt like I had to truly know someone first before I could even imagine developing feelings.
Does this sound more like demisexuality, demiromanticism, or both? Or is this just a normal way some people experience attraction? Because im ngl i always used to feel weird like within myself because growing up ive always thought like this and im going into college and the dating pool is obviously horrendous rn lmao
https://redd.it/1ullnlu
@r_demisexuality
I think I just found out I'm demibisexual.
I was going over my based crush I had over the years and it makes sense that I'm demisexual. Aka I'm female. I've alway known about the Pride I grew up a supporter still am obviously. I also have many friends who are apart of the pride and I learned a lot from them. I've always felt like I've been under the umbrella of ace. But when I look back at my based crush it makes sense that I'm demi. Now when I develop my crushes it happened when I knew this person for years or we had a close bond. It happened with both genders. There was this one girl and I knew her from the school year (this took place in summer). I texted over the summer we texted every single day and are connection grew and that when I developed my crush. I just want to know if this is really Demisexual feels or is it just something else under the ace umbrella. If there are spelling mistakes I'm human and it is like midnight when I'm writing this.
https://redd.it/1ulams5
@r_demisexuality
Demiaroace who have or have had a partner, share your experience.
I (24 F) had never had a partner, sexual or romantic.
It's not something I'm actively looking for, and I'm happy being single. But I've always had this feeling that I could, you know? That if the conditions were right, I could fall in love with someone.
Until I feel something for someone, I'll always say I'm aroace. But I'm curious.
Those who identify themselves as Demisexual and/or Demiromantic and have ever had a partner. How was your experience?
I know everyone's is different. But I want to know.
Did you start to feel attracted (sexually or romantically) to someone close to you and work on that? How did you become aware of your own feelings? Did you receive a confession from someone and decide to give it a chance, even if the attraction wasn't there initially? How did your partner feel about it?
I have also always believed that love is a choice. That you don't need to fall in love with someone to love that person. I think that aligns more with an aromantic way of thinking than an demiromantic.
https://redd.it/1ul8yza
@r_demisexuality
Demi in Queer Spaces
Hi everyone! I am a demisexual, panromantic cis-woman. I am in a new area with no friends really and I'm trying to find my people. There's this vegan restaurant that does queer events like bookclubs, crafts, ect. and I keep losing my nerve to go. I'm in a het-passing relationship (of course I had to fall in love with the nerdy engineer but his gender has nothing to do with it) and I struggle with not feeling "queer enough."
I have struggled with the demi erasure + bi/pan erasure pretty much always. I never formally came out because a) terrible, narcissistic family that I'm no contact with and b) by the time I had the vocabulary to describe myself, I was older and had always just followed my heart on connections and romance? I think a part of me feels like I've missed the mark on queer experiences/struggles, and have the privilege of being in a het-passing relationship, so I have no right to enter these spaces.
Anyways, I'd love to hear some of your stories when it comes to embracing your queerness and any encouragement you may have to offer!
Much love ❤️
https://redd.it/1ul29ea
@r_demisexuality
Demissexual and Menage
I am demisexual and in a relationship with a bisexual person. Our relationship works extremely well; we’ve been together for a long time, and I feel very comfortable with her. Recently, I became curious about acting out a *ménage à trois* fantasy. We met a girl—she was beautiful, and I liked her personality. I thought that, combined with the turn-on of the fantasy itself, that would be enough to sustain the experience. However, it wasn't enough to maintain my arousal, and I ended up feeling terrible about having sex without actually feeling sexual attraction. For my girlfriend, it’s natural to feel attraction based purely on desire, but that isn't the case for me. After that unpleasant experience, we sat down and had a long talk; she told me that if it happens again, she’ll follow my pace and let things unfold only when—and if—I’m comfortable. My question is: do you think this approach is viable? Do you think a *ménage* is something a demisexual person can explore? Has any other demisexual person done something like this? Do you have any advice for a demisexual person wanting to act out this fantasy in a healthy way?
https://redd.it/1ukx2na
@r_demisexuality
Demisexuality & Intimacy in Relationships
Hello! I’m a demisexual in a relationship with a man. Now there’s nothing wrong with the relationship, it’s actually great. We have great chemistry, are super affectionate with each other, and have a great sex life, but that last bit is where I’m a bit confused.
I have little to no sex drive outside of a relationship, not even masturbation, and honestly very little in previous relationships. The entire time he and I have been dating though (a bit over a year and a half) he and I have sex multiple times a day every day because we both just enjoy it so much. It makes me worry about hypersexuality? Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced this?
https://redd.it/1uktn6b
@r_demisexuality
Monthly Discussion Thread - July 01, 2026
Monthly discussion thread. A place where you can discuss random things that might only tenuously be related to demisexuality or share experiences. Chat away
*****
Posts otherwise not allowed such as adverts are permitted in discussion threads.
https://redd.it/1ukrdna
@r_demisexuality
Reddit algorithm for demis 🫠
https://redd.it/1uknh6l
@r_demisexuality
How would you like to see yourself represented?
I'm writing a book with a demisexual character and I'd like to hear about your pet peeves in demisexual characters, how to portray it accurately and all. I'm gray ace myself so I do have some ideas but it's still not a completely shared experience.
https://redd.it/1un9e5k
@r_demisexuality
Crush on a man but lesbian/confusion?
So I 26f have identified as a lesbian basically my whole life. I have never dated anyone or had my first kiss- nothing. but everyone knows me as a lesbian who hates men.
I started a new job and I feel like I moght have like a crush or something on this guy (which that feels repulsive to say) and im trying to figure out if its just comphet or if its the demisexual/aro part of me or the autism.
The thing is I know basically nothing about him. This all started because I have a new hyperfixation and haven’t been able to talk about it with anyone, but when I started my job i found out he also likes this thing and I immediately felt like i have to look attractive to him, be interesting, want to date him
But i don’t even find him attractive? Like Im also overweight so i cant tell if im just looking for like confirmation that im wanted by someone?
I was basically a homebody before this new job and only talked to family/ female coworkers and this new job has coed housing so i live with him and I feel constantly like im trying to perform a certain way whenever im around him and its very confusing.
Does this sound like comphet, or is it my autism confusing my hyperfixation with attraction or is it the demisexual/aro part and im like bi/pan idkkk im so confused.
https://redd.it/1un2csk
@r_demisexuality
A question for other "nomadic" demis: I think I finally met someone whose lifestyle matches mine... and now we're both trying to move to different cities.
I may have finally met my match when it comes to being adventurous.
I'm a software developer, and I've moved around a lot for work. I'm almost 30 and have lived in a bunch of major US cities. My long-term goal has always been to experience a bunch of different places before eventually settling down somewhere I truly love. I make friends, explore everything a city has to offer, then move on when the next opportunity comes. Because of that, dating has always been difficult. I'm a woman and demisexual, so I don't click with people very often. Even when I meet genuinely kind men, many of them want to settle down quickly and put down roots where we are. That's never really fit my life plan. I'm also very social and have a lot of hobbies, so I don't spend much time just staying home. Being demi helps with that a lot, because it's not like I'm attracted to anyone often or anything.
Recently I met a coworker who is almost exactly my type. We do the same kind of work, he's very social, always trying new classes and activities, and we just seem to have really similar lifestyles. We don't work directly together, but we're on the same broader team (we have only a handful of meetings with the whole team a month) so I've had to come up with excuses to talk to him here and there. I have not had a crush on anyone in *years* and it feels kind of electric.
Here's where it gets complicated.
Before I even met him, I had already decided I wanted to transfer to his office. I don't like the city I currently live in, and most of my team is already based in his office anyway. I put in a request, it was approved in principle, and I'm supposed to pick a transfer date soon (nothing is officially signed yet). Then, just a few days later, we found out the company is opening a new team in a *third* city... one that's also been high on my list of places I've always wanted to live.
And then... he casually mentioned that *he's* planning to transfer to that third city next year when his lease is up, so around the time I'd be arriving in town, he'd be leaving a few months later. So now I'm sitting here trying to decide between two cities that I genuinely wanted to live in anyway, while also wondering whether this is the universe playing some kind of joke on me. Ironically, this is the first time I've experienced the opposite side of what usually happens. Normally I'm the one who's constantly moving while someone else wants to settle down with me. Now I've met someone who seems just as adventurous as I am, and *he's* the one who's already thinking about the next move. We have very similar lifestyles, and that's hard for me to find. I want to live in a few other large cities that, when I brought it up in a convo with him, he completely understood how stoked I was and was also interested in asking for transfer options there too. This is like a needle-in-a-haystack situation for me, and now I'm getting a taste of my own medicine. 😅 But transferring FOR someone I don't even know if he does or could feel the same way is stupid too. I've just been floundering for reasons to talk more and figuring out how to gauge his interest along with the more practical balancing of reasons for moving somewhere (cost, space, etc.)
I'm visiting his city in a few weeks to check out the office before deciding on my transfer (something I've been planning for weeks before the new team announcement), and I'd love to spend a little more time getting to know him while I'm there.
So I guess my questions are:
* Is this even worth pursuing, given that we're both planning future moves?
* How would you approach getting to know a coworker in this situation without making things awkward?
* Has anyone else dated someone whose lifestyle was just as nomadic as their own? How did it work out?
https://redd.it/1umvww7
@r_demisexuality
trans women are women. pass it on
https://redd.it/1umv4wm
@r_demisexuality
Demi Movie Reccomendation
https://archive.org/details/punks-2000
https://redd.it/1umnpt7
@r_demisexuality
Trying to understand myself
Uhm, hello there! This is the first time I directly interact with a community related to demisexuality. I am a 34F. When younger and more terms got known, I thought of myself as sapiosexual, but then I found out about demisexuality and it made much more sense to me. Though I never saw myself as an actual part of the LGBTQIA+ community, because I am heterosexual and cisgender. I don't find myself deserving of a queer label (hope I'm explaining this correctly).
However, through the years I have questioned myself about why I am not able to get involved casually with others when getting the chance, you know what I mean, and that has made me feel frustrated, guilty and that something is wrong with me.
Truth is even when I can find a guy attractive and admire his physique, I hardly get any sexual interest if I don't feel a deeper connection between us. I'd like to explore my sexuality more 'freely' as most people would understand it as, but I'm not comfortable enough if I don't feel a genuine interest in me from the other person, me meaning as a human being and who I am rather than just a body.
Ofc, this has made way more complicated finding a partner, especially at times like these. I dunno, this is the way I interact with others in the sexual/romantic field. Maybe even I haven't studied enough to fully understand it, nevertheless assuming or embracing the concept as something that in fact has defined me is a step forward, I guess.
Thanks for reading.
https://redd.it/1um1t4y
@r_demisexuality
Demi vs “normal”?
Hey guys sorry for the title, I know that a frequent issue/misconception demisexual ppl face is that they’re told something along the lines of ‘that’s just how everyone is’ but I wanted to genuinely ask, what made you realize that you were demisexual, and not allosexual?
For some background, I recently got out of a LTR, we had been friends previously, it was great & i felt ‘normal’ in comparison to my peers (of course i understand there’s no such thing as normal). I recently tried to meet up with someone I met on an app, and immediately I felt nothing. Like I’m talking we were just strictly kissing and I felt so little I would try to end it early 😭.
The issue was that I didn’t have any sort of crush on them, even though they were definitely my type and we were compatible!!
I’d described this to friends and i’ve gotten both “that’s normal” and “you might be grey/demi”, so I wanted to ask people who understand demisexuality, what made you realize that you experienced things differently?
TLDR: What made you realize you were demisexual, as opposed to an allosexual that didn’t participate in hookups?
https://redd.it/1ulq9km
@r_demisexuality
O que vocês acham do termo ace-flux?
Ele não é muito conhecido, e nem muito falado também.
Qual a opinião de vocês? Já conheceram pessoas que se identificam como ace-flux?
https://redd.it/1ullqkh
@r_demisexuality
Frustration
I spend an hour telling a guy I am demisexual and what it means. He says I totally understand what you mean and then says I am becoming celibate until you tell me when. Then today he starts explaining how he has very high sex drive and keeps making inappropriate sexual jokes. I am so done with men! It seems like no one understands or even cares to understand what demisexuality means. I had people in the past think I made it up as a way to not have sex with them. He would smile and say you are very clever!
https://redd.it/1ul9zhf
@r_demisexuality
Alonorma 101
https://www.reddit.com/gallery/1ul7hj7
https://redd.it/1ul7iff
@r_demisexuality
Am I demi?
Recently, I've been researching demisexuality and demiromanticism more to better understand myself as a person, to know why some relationships ended the way they did, and to understand how my sexuality works.
For a long time, I considered myself sapiosexual. I know about the controversies surrounding this term, but I was always attracted to people I considered smart; otherwise, I couldn't feel anything.
My verdict on this came after a 3 year relationship where I didn't really know myself and I had difficulty accepting these confusions. I got involved with the guy because I ended up falling in love with him after we developed a good friendship and intimacy. I could open up to him, talk about my problems, he listened... we went for runs together every morning and also played RPGs with a group of our friends. However, he didn't like studying much, he wrote poorly, and he didn't care much about complex subjects. While I enjoyed pondering existence and nature, and connecting the dots, he found it boring and often useless (why would I want to study philosophy? I won't use it in my life).
In short, I didn't feel intellectually connected to him, and this destroyed my libido and also my passion for him. I couldn't go all the way in sex and avoided physical touch. We broke up because of that, and from then on I began to accept sapiosexuality.
After that relationship, I started questioning my standards regarding these things. I realized that all the guys I really fell in love with were, in some way, my friends or at least people I could talk for a long time, people I felt I had something in common, people I could sustain a good conversation with for hours on end, jumping from topic to topic without noticing the time passing. I was never one to "hook up" or fall in love at first sight, and the only time I decided to try, I hated it—I didn't feel that connection with that person, even though they shared a common interest with me (rock n' roll!!!). It was all so lukewarm, cold, and bland... I felt a few pangs of excitement here and there, but nothing that made me really enjoy it (and we didn't even go as far as sex, we just kissed).
Because of these things, I started identifying as demiaroace, but I still wonder if it's just in my head. After all, I've had some crushes that happened relatively quickly, without a big intimacy (I think because of the level of 'soul' connection?), and I've also found attractive, beautiful people who sparked an interest in getting closer, but I doubt it would go very far at first... Nothing but a blush thinking about some possibilities
Anyway, I don't know. I'm afraid I'm just lying to myself...
https://redd.it/1ul13wh
@r_demisexuality
Is it okay to initiate sexual tension with someone you’re not sure you like sexually?
I’m horny constantly, but I rarely feel sexual attraction towards people I know in real life.
I’m wondering if I could grow sexual attraction with someone by trying to initiate sexual tension and flirting even without first feeling the urge to?
Part of me feels like maybe the reason I don’t feel sexual attraction is because I don’t find myself in sexual contexts very often. Like yeah, maybe it’s hard for me to feel sexy in the middle of a bar talking about our day, our lives, our hobbies, etc., which is how most of my dates go.
Have you ever successfully done grown sexual attraction to someone by faking it until you make it? Flirting and creating sexual tension without first feeling the urge to?? If so, please share your story.
But also: is this ethical? For example, I’ve been on 4 dates with a nice girl, but so far I feel no sexual or romantic attraction towards her. It feels purely platonic.
I’m not sure I’ll ever want to have sex with her, so it feels like I’d be leading her on if I started trying to flirt and create sexual tension. But I’m afraid that that’s what I’ll have to do to feel any sexual or romantic feelings towards her.
Thoughts?
https://redd.it/1uktu7j
@r_demisexuality
Not sure
I'm 26, I've been in several relationships either with men or women and I've never had much desire, I do feel sexual desire even tho is low and not that constant and for the same reason I thought I was simply a person with a low libido but this has created problems in my current relationship, which forced me to look for a little more information
They say that the normal thing in adolescence is to feel a lot of desire but in my case, if it wasn't my partner I just didn't feel it, even when they were my partners if we weren't well emotionally, with a good emotional connection no matter how much I loved them I couldn't feel desire for them, if I wanted to have sex I could masturbate and with that be satisfied but it never meant that I didn't love them
But in the long run and seeing the people around me I began to feel that something was wrong with me and having sex became more of a job than something that I really enjoyed, I looked at the calendar and if I considered that a long time had passed I slept with them.The issue is that it is not that I never feel attraction, after discussions where we really open up emotionally or in periods where we put real emphasis on being together and connecting my desire is born again, very slowly
The issue is that it is not that I never feel attraction, after discussions where we really open up emotionally or in periods where we put real emphasis on being together and connecting my desire is born again, very slowly
The issue is that it is not that I never feel attraction, after discussions where we really open up emotionally or in periods where we put real emphasis on being together and connecting my desire is born again, very slowly 1/2
https://redd.it/1uks1fe
@r_demisexuality
Toss a penny for a lost autistic M 26
https://redd.it/1uknwzw
@r_demisexuality
what even is attraction
Forr anong time I have had no interest in a relationship and i'm indifferent to sex, i've realised that i've only used the demiseual label as a 'just in case I have those feelings' but I don't think I do I have romantic, but I don't think I have the sexual feelings.
The first label I identified with was demi romantic and I think that's all the label I want
https://redd.it/1ukjz3q
@r_demisexuality