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Story to tickle your belly @reddit2telegram @r_channels JEET is the administrator
Where the hell did my vape go?
A few weeks ago, I flew from the mainland east coast to Hawaii to visit my mom and brother. Long flight, exhausted... when I arrived I just changed into some shorts, ate dinner, smoked a blunt and went to bed.
I woke up at 2am because I had to pee... then I got a drink in the kitchen. When I went back to bed, I couldn't find my vape (Elf Bar). I looked for a few minutes but since it was 2am, I just said f it and opened a new one. I planned on looking for the other one in the morning. Still couldn't find it. Told my mom and she looked around but no luck. This goes on all morning and into the afternoon. At around 2pm, my brother asked if I wanted to go snorkeling... I said sure, let me get ready. So, I get my stuff together and I'm checking my belongings and adjusting myself and I'm like whaaaat the hell??? The vape was under my balls 🤣 that's right, I had a disposable nic vape tucked under my balls for 12 hours without realizing it! I must have stuck it in my waistband when I got up in the middle of the night and it slid into my undies and under my balls.
https://redd.it/14rh7mt
@r_funnystories
Funny story about my dad in the air force.
My dad served in the air force in the 80s in South Africa. In the the 80s in South Africa you had to do what you in Afrikaans would call diensplig which basically means conscription into the army. If you did not go to the army you would get jail time so obviously my dad went to the air force for one year.
This is where my dad met a guy we will call Dave, Dave had some anger issues which made him a target for another guy I will call steve who was known for being a bit of a prankster. So for months Steve kept telling Dave he saw the Easter bunny or "Paas haas". The more he told him he saw the Easter bunny the angrier Dave got until Dave pulled a revolver on Steve "He stopped the Easter bunny jokes"
First post thought it was funny.
https://redd.it/14v53au
@r_funnystories
I once caught a chicken for a dollar.
I (whom shall now be known as Dave) wanted a dollar as I was like five and wanted hot wheels. So coming to my mother I was told “if you can catch one of the chickens in our backyard and bring it to me I will give you a dollar” me being the small child I was went to my room defeated unconfident in my abilities. Fast forward to Dave’s birthday a few years later he is at a corn maze that so happens to have chickens. Remembering the potential dollar he tells two of his friends Davothy and Davesworth the deal. They immediately agree and after a long and arduous trial they succeed. After they brought the chicken to Dave’s mom (probably interrupting a conversation hot, sweaty and grimy holding a chicken which is something I kinda wish I could go back to and see) expecting to let Dave have the money since it’s his birthday they were surprised to find they all got a dollar and the story concludes with a happy ending.
https://redd.it/14n0uso
@r_funnystories
Aaah-kersnort!
Statically probabilities are an interesting thing. In every lifetime there are moments where random events, usually far separate in occurrence, fall strangely into the same instant.
There are many times in a persons life when they sneeze, for instance, and many more when they cough.
Today, these two events inevitably converged, and for the first time I can remember in all my years- I coughed and sneezed at the same time.
The result was a sort of “Aaaah-kersnort!!!”
I did what must have looked like a weird, jerky, upper-body spasm akin to a person being spontaneously struck in the back with a baseball bat. I moved in a way my body has simply never moved before. I’m sure my face resembled the look a baby has when their parents think it’s cute to give them their first taste of lemon.
It happened as I was walking to my car in a parking lot. It was early morning and the bizarre event was thankfully unwitnessed.
I tell you, it’s the little things that can make life amusing
https://redd.it/14jedry
@r_funnystories
Dad and Otis are still at the house
Last time I checked they were sitting at home watching football at max volume, and I had to get up and leave to babysit my son at my mom's house. So there you have it.
https://redd.it/14ghm7o
@r_funnystories
I lick zibelines and steerer them to my basement and unweighted them in my basement for the little kids twerking in my basement they also lick the unbidden floor
True story
https://redd.it/14dwdqe
@r_funnystories
How I almost broke a arm
So when I was (3-4)my aunt would babysit me so we would play hide and seek.every time she came to my house I would hide well.... I had the idea to get up on a big pile of clothes behind the door...... Then my mom and grandma were in the house so my grandma (who just lives next-door to me)so my mom needed to go to her house so she left me alone! Well a soon as she left I fell of the pile
off clothes.... And my arm slid under the door and closed the door
Now here's were it gets interesting....... My mom and grandma comes back and there like Colton open the door! And I'm like I can't so... My mom sees my arm and gets the door open I was really hurt after but I'm fine now I hope.
https://redd.it/14cy9fh
@r_funnystories
My ex-gf’s best friends thought that i was a saintist
Sorry if i spelt saintist wrong, but anyways i (nb25) was with my gf C(f25) whenever I would drink from a cup I would take it to the sink and I will flip it over and leave it in there once im done with it (i’d usally clean dishes after lunch/ dinner) and my ex-gf’s best friend would always comment on it, but now me amd my gf have broken up but once every week her best friend messages me to tell me to go back to hell lol!
(I forgot to add but my ex-gf and her friend are both cristian)
https://redd.it/14b4mos
@r_funnystories
Generation after generation
So you know those storys when teachers have a kid that they realy dont like but when they leave at the end of the year they get replaced by there brother wel i did the same but just 6 time worst.
So when my dad was in hyschool his goal was just to make (lets call her miss x) miss x her job the hell and after six years (yes she gave lessons in al 6 grades) he got switched with his brother and after that my 2 coussins got in her class so this was already 24 years of pure hell for her and just when she tought that she was finely free i came in het lessons so now she has to have another 3 years before she has fanaly peace but jokes on her is stil have a little sister that is just the worst of all its literly a tradition of the family to make her life a hell but she deserves it she is just a piece of ass
https://redd.it/14a2cg1
@r_funnystories
Hate truck drivers like those…
I'm from Austria, I had to inflate my tire and so I drove to the gas station (OMV). Since my windshield are dirty with insects in summer, I took the sponge out of the bin and it is filled with water. But it was a bit strange for me because the water was yellowish in color... When mixing, I thought it was just soap to remove insects more easily. Funfact it wasn't …it was urine. I clean my windshield and then I pumped up my tire. However, liquid sprayed out of the compressed air nozzle directly into my face where I wanted to inflate it. Yes, it smelled a lot like urine afterwards. The petrol pump was only suitable for truck drivers.
I wish every truck driver who makes something like this misfortune for a month and that it happens to them as well.
https://redd.it/14ac703
@r_funnystories
My neighbor saw my butthole
IM MORTIFIED. There's been a spike in crime in my neighborhood recently. On Monday I was letting my dog out at 3 am and busted people breaking into cars. I filed a police report. Last night I went on a tinder date stayed at her house, and thank God I did because, this morning when i got back to my apartment there were like 2-3 police cars in my complex. I live in an 8 plex with 4 apartments on one side and directly across is another 4 apartments separated by a common area. There's 4 carports with 2 car spaces per port. (This will all be relevant stay with me) So as I pull in wondering what's going on I see it. Everyone's car has been vandalized. The cars that were unlocked were robbed. The ones that were locked-They tried to pry open with screw drivers or something and the ones that they couldn't get into were spray painted. The cars are WRECKED. That freaked me out so I went and bought a security camera. I get it all set up and it's great. I can see my car my neighbors car I feel safer already. Then I get a notification that my camera has malfunctioned. So I got outside get the camera figure out I just need to charge it GREAT. So I plug it in and move on with my night. I cook clean take a shower and then get ready for bed. When I got out of the shower I went to my room to put pajamas on and I dropped something. I bent over to pick it up and my phone dings. The notification is from my camera it says "a person has been detected" and ITS A PICTURE of me BENT OVER butt ass naked. That camera is in 4k too cause I saw eeeevvvveryrhing. My butthole my tampon string EVERYTHING. THEN I remember I gave my neighbor my password to the camera because her car is also in the view in my carport.. THAT MEANS SHE ALSO GOT THAT NOTIFICATION.... So yeah my neighbor saw my butthole and I will never recover.
https://redd.it/149w889
@r_funnystories
Bullseye!
When I was in school about 3 or 4 years ago, I was walking around the yard near the cafeteria (it was a separate building from the main school) It was during lunch time and I was with some guys and we walked up some steps just outside the building. The guy on my right opened a packet of chips, he took one out and ate it and the second he did so, a seagull shat directly into the packet. He casually said "oh for fuck sake" and immediately put the packet in the trash. It was so fucking hilarious it still makes me laugh to this day!
I hope you found this story just as funny as I did and thanks for reading! 😂
https://redd.it/1466itb
@r_funnystories
Drinking with siblings.
One night, i was with my siblings, and we wanted to get drunk. My sister had the idea of drinking at her house. The next weekend, we had drinks with a side of laughter, and i stepped away to make another drink when my brother walked into the house. He said, "Hey! Go get your homeboy!" I looked behind him and said," What are you talking about? Being very serious because it was just the 3 of us at the time. "Your homeboy is drinking up all my shit and didn't put in at all!" So now I'm worried because no one is behind him or around us. I said, "Who are you talking about?!" He points over to a bootleg Minions plush toy (3ft the ones you get at fair), but this one looked really drunk. We laughed so damn hard were him, and i was on the floor in pain from laughing so hard. My sister walks in with no idea what's going on. Our laughter was so contagious that she joined in not knowing what was going on. It was a great night.
https://redd.it/145lgno
@r_funnystories
I farted loudly during a weekly meeting
It was the first weekly meeting at work. I was standing there listening to what the upper boss had to say. About half way I felt a fart brewing deep inside me. I let it out and it was unexpectedly loud. I was trying to let one out silently. One of my co-workers scooted away from me incase my fart stunk. I was trying my best to keep from laughing. I snorted silently. After the meeting was over I bursted out laughing. I admitted it was me that farted. Luckily no one asked who farted during the meeting. I couldn't stop laughing.
https://redd.it/145ej6r
@r_funnystories
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? Dam.
https://redd.it/144nw4j
@r_funnystories
Don't mix balloon swords and acrobatic
Today I entertain like 30 kids. I teached them some tricks and acrobatic. Towards the end of our class the motivation was gone and the kids were exhausted. I had the funny idea to use one of my balloons and form a sword. I also do balloon animals for birthday parties.
With the sword I performed a backflip and an areal and I saw how the kids want to do tricks again. The parents came in and were really intressted to see what their kids had learned. One after another did a trick with the ballon sword. Then there was this boy who put it between his legs and was doing a bridge. He tried to do a backwalkover. Needles to say that it was really akward him trying to go back with a giant balloon sword between his legs. Some gave me the side eye and other's laughed so hard....
https://redd.it/14sz67p
@r_funnystories
Was told to post this here by a follower of mine. Was told it was funny, in an oddly cute way. Time I brought a coyote home as a kid.
Most sane yet also outlandish story I've got off the top off my head is one time when I was like fuckin..... 8??? I went walking out near the woods where I grew up and found a stray dog. I love dogs, so I was immediately like, "Oooo, puppy!" and without hesitation picked it up and brought it home. My mom flipped out because apparently it was a coyote.
According to my mom I tried to name it Priscilla because I thought it was "an ugly puppy, but in a good way."
Not much more to say, that's it. To this day, don't know how 8 year old me managed to pick the thing up without getting attacked.
https://redd.it/14uiks2
@r_funnystories
Little Sister Kicked my brother in balls
So I’m in the living room with my little sister who is 13 years old and little brother who is 19 years old walks in and jokingly slaps her in the boobs, next thing I see is brother holding his private parts and falling to the ground
https://redd.it/14kwey1
@r_funnystories
I once told my brother to kick me in the Nuts because I thought it would make me cool like him.
When I was 5 years old and my brother was 9 years old, we were in the yard playing with his friends. He’s chasing me and I say kick me in the Nuts. He say really with a smile I say yeah.
So he then proceeded to actually kick me square in the nuts. That was the first time I got hit there and cried like a little baby and ran to mommy and daddy and he got grounded for a week
https://redd.it/14jq1x3
@r_funnystories
Reality check
This one girl in Jr high needs a reality check she lied used and made my jr high year horrible even tho it already was but that's not the point but I need help getting back at her what insults should I give her shes handicapped and uses to her advantage and is lazy she lied to everyone and acted like me and said she liked everything I liked cause I was more 'popular' sense I'm also handicapped but the reason I was more popular cause I didn't us things to my advantage so please help me get back at her
https://redd.it/14esdb3
@r_funnystories
An Epic Tale of Office Drama and Stationery Shenanigans!
📢 Hey, fellow office warriors! Gather 'round for a tale that will leave you in stitches! 🖊️💥
So, picture this: I accidentally dropped my pencil, and it starts rolling away like a fugitive. In a desperate chase, I barrel into the boss's office, disrupting an important meeting. The tension mounts as the pencil ricochets off the whiteboard, startling everyone! 😱
In a twist of fate, it lands perfectly in the coffee cup of our grumpy coworker, who now believes it's an office conspiracy targeting his caffeine fix! ☕️🕵️♂️
Naturally, he starts an investigation, interrogating staplers and accusing the water cooler of hiding clues. We're on the edge of our seats as he uncovers a "Pencil Syndicate" that wants to overthrow the stationery order! 🚀
As rumors spread, coworkers start barricading their desks, crafting armor out of Post-It notes. We even form a "Pencil Resistance," complete with hilarious code names like "Eraserella" and "The Sharpenator"! ✏️🦸♀️
But just when things couldn't get crazier, the office supplies stage a rebellion. Paperclips forming alliances with rubber bands, staplers launching projectiles—it's chaos! 📎💥
Amidst the battle, I sneakily retrieve the infamous pencil from our disgruntled colleague's coffee. Holding it high, I declare, "Behold, the mighty weapon of mass distraction!"
And you won't believe it... but the whole office erupts in laughter! Turns out, we were all just in dire need of a good laugh. The tension dissolves, and we spend the day launching pencil missiles at each other, in the spirit of friendship and silliness! 🎉
So remember, folks, even the humble pencil has the power to unite coworkers, spark imagination, and cause office-wide shenanigans! Embrace the chaos and keep spreading the joy, one pencil prank at a time! 😄✏️
https://redd.it/14d98tc
@r_funnystories
I thought my 15 month old daughter became a possessed murdering psychopath
I have two 15 month old twins. The girl is absolutely bat shit insane and I love it. She’s sweet but does the craziest shit and I can’t stop laughing. Her twin brother is super chill.
She usually sleeps all night until 6:30 am. At 4am, I hear the door to the other room slam like a very strong and angry married partner leaving an argument. So I go to see what’s going on and my daughter is in the corner of the room holding something behind her and giving the absolute most sinister, evil, maniacal laugh I have ever heard. It was like Chucky but worse. It was straight out of a horror movie. I’m not even joking. It was insanely scary. Plus with the lighting. And she had this malicious smile and this menacing look in her eye. It made me think like do you have knife behind your back? Did you just murder the rest of the family? Am I about to die?
If there were armed robbers in my house, that would’ve been less scary. You would pee your pants. Then it was like she flipped a switch and showed me it was just a toy, went back to being her sweet self, gave me a hug and I held her until she went back to sleep. But as I’m holding her, I’m like holy shit, my life just flashed before my eyes.
https://redd.it/14ch8op
@r_funnystories
really funny story REAL
funny story so im kyran right and Kyran nervously walked between the Twin Towers, the air rife with tension and a sense of dread. As he passed by, he saw Thanos Obama Joe Biden Elmo Cookie Monster Big Bird George Washington and Mickey Mouse, all of them holding AK-47s and standing threateningly in a circle. Kyran froze, his heart pounding as he tried to figure out ways to escape.
Suddenly, a helicopter hovering overhead caught his eye. Inside were a femboy, an androgynous figure in leathers and tattoos, with a mischievous glint in their eyes.
'Hi hot stuff, let's go, tehee!' the femboy shouted, and Kyran seized the opportunity. He jumped onto the helicopter in a last-ditch effort to escape, glancing back towards the menacing figures with their weapons.
He held the femboy close and started brutally fucking him, licking his face and seducing him as the femboy moaned and meowed. Kyran was overcome with pleasure as he came inside the femboy, then kissed him lightly on the cheeks.
Just then, Kyran remembered the AK-47s still aimed in his direction. Taking out a Nerf gun, he fired at the men on the ground, striking them with an impressive burst of Fortnite-style action. Without wasting a moment, the helicopter flew off, taking Kyran and the femboy away to safety.
​
https://redd.it/14ai9zj
@r_funnystories
A guy dies and goes to hell, and meets Satan
Satan says to the man;
"Nowadays, people entering hell are able to choose their own personal hell.
I will take you to a series of doors, and you will look inside, and tell me if that is where you would like to spend eternity."
The man agrees and Satan takes him down a long, dark hallway.
Satan opens the first door, the man looks inside and sees thousands of people standing on their heads on a hardwood floor.
The man says; This looks too uncomfortable. Show me the next room please."
Satan then walks the man down to the second door.
The man looks inside and sees thousands of people standing on their heads on a concrete floor.
The man says; "This is even worse. Please show me another room."
Satan nods and takes him to the third door, and the man looks inside; he sees thousands of people standing knee-deep in liquid shit, all drinking coffee.
The man says; "This is the place for me."
Satan then asks; "Are you sure? Once the door closes you can never go back..."
The man says; "I'm positive. I do love coffee."
The man steps in, and Satan closes the door. Just before the man could get comfortable, a voice on the loudspeaker says;
"Coffee break is over, BACK ON YOUR HEADS!!!!
https://redd.it/149ywrw
@r_funnystories
Shortest encounter
This is the craziest thing that has ever happened to me at work. So I work at a gas station. And last night I was doing a closing shift with my coworker. A little person walked in. Like this dude literally could barely see over the counter. He was really a midget. Immediately I’m thinking to myself ‘Holy shit’ He rested his arms up on the counter looks up at me and asks for a pack of cigarettes. I took a moment and ponder if it’s ethical to card him or not. But never less I got his cigarettes and rung him up whatever. And then he randomly asks me and I quote.
“Are you married?”
I couldn’t help it, laughed and was like no???? And with this big grin on his face he nods and goes “Okay!!” and walks out.
https://redd.it/14a4xc4
@r_funnystories
Ketchup pizza
I work at a pizza place.
I had prepared this beautiful meat lovers for a family of 4. The waitress came to me and said that the customers did not like the taste of the pizza, and I was so confused.
It turns out, I picked up the ketchup squirter, that looked exactly like the pizza sauce squirter sitting right next to it.
Make sure to read labels, people. Lol.
https://redd.it/1477odq
@r_funnystories
Someone snatched my bag from under a bathroom stall
So a few days ago, I was just minding my own business and skipping class. I was sitting cross-legged on the toilet (clothed, of course), and someone in the stall next to me saw my bag. They didn't see me, therefore the idea of snatching my bag from under the stall sounded like the right thing to do (to them at least). So they then tugged on my heavy ass bag and of course I snatched it back. I laughed really hard at this because it was so random. Just imagine someone doing this to you on a bad day. I evacuated immediately after I laughed out loud by accident, and that's all that happened. Thanks for reading!
https://redd.it/145mrty
@r_funnystories
me in the road trip
when i started my 1st road trip. it was good. now days. i still going a road trip just for me
https://redd.it/145j0ev
@r_funnystories
A story from my childhood camp experience.
At summer camp during a camp gathering, there was a competition for who could eat a McDonald's kids' meal the fastest for some prize or whatever. They set up a table with two happy meal boxes on stage and asked for two volunteers for the head-to-head race. Almost all of the kids in camp got excited, wanting to eat the kids' meal since all we had eaten for days before was bland camp food. Once the two were chosen they came on stage and each pulled out just a full cup from the boxes. The counselors announced that they forgot to mention before the volunteering that the entire kids' meal was put in a blender and thoroughly mixed. The look on the kids' faces were priceless. Definitely glad I had social anxiety and didn't volunteer myself.
I think they both actually went through with the contest though. I definitely remember that they had to be cheered on to finish like halfway through. They struggled.
https://redd.it/144sp9i
@r_funnystories
I’m Just Mad At The World For This
So I got a new tv back in 2018, got in on sale as the store was closing down. So 50% off woo!
Within the first 3 months I lost the remote. And could get a new one as the place was closed. Luckily I could still change channels and turn it in and off.
But the volume was forever stuck at 23, due to there being no volume buttons on this brand of TV. It sucked.
I cleaned my room from top to bottom almost every year, I cleaned every inch looking for this remote. And under my bed several times.
It’s 2023, just a few days ago I was rearranging my room. (Life is horrible and I needed a change).
I pulled my bed tot he other side of my room and there, right at the end of where the bed was, is the F*cking Remote!
Gathered in dust and still usable.
I placed it on the desk in front of my sister and said “I hate everything.” And went to get a drink.
Idk why the void decides to relinquish its hold on the thing. Idk how it got under my bed after I pulled everything out several times to find it.
All I know is that I’m mad and my sister laughed at my misery.
https://redd.it/144mf2j
@r_funnystories