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Story to tickle your belly @reddit2telegram @r_channels JEET is the administrator
Ever heard the story about the man/woman who drunk a 10oz bottle of Magnesium Citrate?
Well, you're about to
(NOT MY STORY)
Ever wondered what happens when you drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate? I’m glad you asked…
12:05 pm: It’s time. You shotgun a 10 oz bottle like it’s a lukewarm PBR and you don’t want to be a pansy in front of your older brother’s friends. It’s supposed to be grape flavored but it’s becoming quite clear that whoever led the R&D team that day has never actually tasted anything grape in their life. You are already regretting this decision.
12:06 pm: You deep throat a cupcake like you’ve been saving it for the apocalypse because let’s face it…that time is here. It’s going to turn to liquid form before it even clears your throat but you don’t care. All is right in the world at this moment. Hold on to that. You’re about to enter a very dark period in your life.
12:37 pm: First sign of life. The pressure is growing. You already have 5 lbs of poop in your colon and you basically just drank the “safe for humans” version of Drano. You feel a poop coming on finally. You think it’s time. You’re wrong. You get a little snake turd as a teaser.
Take note…this is the last semi-solid thing you will see leaving your body for the next 24 hours.
12:57 pm: That little science experiment you got cooking is about to reach it’s reaached the boiling point. Your stomach is angry now. It hates you…you can feel it. You have exactly .3 seconds to make it to the nearest toilet but you can’t run… NEVER run! You pray to god there is enough elasticity in your butthole to keep the gates closed 5 more steps as you start to preemptively undo your pants to save valuable time.
Almost there. 3…2…1…
12:58 pm: Sweet Mary, mother of God…is this real life? Your cheeks barely hit the seat and all hell breaks loose. The poop/water mixture you’ve just created comes out with such force that it actually sprays the back of the toilet bowl at a 45-degree angle thus deflecting it in every direction but down.
Is that... blood?
False alarm. That’s just the remnants of a cherry pie you ate at Thanksgiving…when you were 5. The smell is horrid…the sound is frightening. You try to clench what’s left of your butthole to soften the blow but it’s not working. The whole house just heard your liquid shart as it gurgled out of your ass.
1:06 pm- 8:30 pm: Everything’s a blur. You have shit out everything you have ever eaten since the day you were born, everything your ancestors have ever eaten since the early 1800s, and your butthole now feels like you have a flaming hot Cheeto and the tears of a thousand Jalapeno seeds stuck in it. You’re now curled up in the bathtub ugly crying because you have to remain within arm’s reach of the toilet at all times. You have the poop sweats.
You meet Jesus.
8:37 pm: Your family will never be able to unsee the things they’ve seen in the last 8 hours.
You’re broken.
Your butthole’s broken.
Your spirit’s broken.
Life as you know it will never be the same.
But…tomorrow’s a new day. You’re going to wake up, throw on the only remaining pair of underwear you have that doesn’t have a shit stain on it, and you’re going to run up to Target with the last shred of dignity you have left…and buy yourself a new toilet brush.
You’ve earned it.
https://redd.it/1blzgss
@r_funnystories
The Smelly Setup: How I Framed My Coach
When I was about 7-8yrs old I was on the gymnastics team and I had this one coach that EVERYBODY in the gym/team thought was hilarious. However, I found him annoying. His ongoing joke was about how short and bald he was while ironically telling girls to cut their hair if it got too long. One day during strength training, he was getting on my nerves so bad I went to the bathroom, took my hand & swiped under my sweaty armpits. I exited the bathroom & put my sweaty armpit infested hand underneath one of my teammates nose and told her “sniff”. She sniffed and gasped. I told her “thats the smell of our coaches bald head👍” she was disgustingly shocked. At that moment, all the talk about his bald head being the butt end of the joke came crashing down. She couldn’t believe it. It became serious. I didn’t think it would escalate to where she would tell the whole team during water break what she had smelt. Everybody on the team had a completely different perspective on the coach based off of the information she gave them from the stench. My mission was accomplished. I set him up. No one even questioned how I got a “sample” of his scent from his bald head. They all just accepted it & found him disgusting. But really It was my stinky armpit the whole time. We were all around 8 years old so we weren’t the brightest. Now I am 19 years old and still don’t regret it. Til this day they don’t know the truth🤫 ps. this coach was also racist.
#Framedmycoach
https://redd.it/1bipiyl
@r_funnystories
My moms boyfriend
My moms boyfriend threw some dirty socks at a kids. For context, this kid was being annoying and hitting my moms car because he felt like it. So my moms boyfriend, who is super chill, got fed up and was like "STOP HITTING MY BABYS CAR, U LITTLE SH*T" and grabbed a pair of my moms dirty socks abd threw it at the kids face. Me, my mom, and the kids friends are all laughing our asses off at what just happened. He officially has my approval.
https://redd.it/1bhvehn
@r_funnystories
Obnoxious toy tradition
My family has a tradition started by one of my uncles about getting a child the most obnoxious toy humanly possible.
Has to be gifted from baby shower to through the first 5 years.
This story is over 20 years old. I am happy to say with a little help from one of my siblings I held the record for well over a decade.
When my sister's youngest turned four she was very into the mighty Morphin power rangers.
I was looking for a gift for her and saw a mighty Morphin power ranger door alarm. It was one of those obnoxious little toys that had a sensor in it when tripped set off this got awful siren, and then morphed into the power rangers theme song. You know the type, they run off the watch batteries.
I mailed the toy and waited. When I called to wish my niece a happy birthday, my sister told me she hated me. 🤣🤣🤣
Apparently our friends at the post office had absolutely trashed the package, but it still worked.
After the party I was informed that I was the new de facto obnoxious toy Queen. I was also told that apparently my brother-in-law was quite distraught that even though the package was shredded the damn thing still worked. Apparently they comforted themselves by assuming that the battery probably wouldn't last very long
I was talking to one of my siblings about it, a few weeks later. I asked my sibling how often they're at my sister's and was told once or twice a month.
I came up with a plan and offered some cash. My sibling was happy to assist but turned down the money. For approximately the next two years every time they went to my sister's house under the guise of going to the bathroom or playing with the kids, they changed the batteries.
My niece's child recently turned a year old, and we on zoom from our respective locations for the party.
Has everything was winding down a conversation started about previous obnoxious toys and my sister brought up as they called it "The damn gift that never died".
My sibling and I were in absolute hysterics and my sister finally found out after over 20 years that we had kept new batteries in the damn thing for 2 years straight. She was an absolute shock 😳 that we had been able to pull it off and never got caught.
The entire family was in hysterics, and I've been told that they will never trust me again.
https://redd.it/1bgirlc
@r_funnystories
How my dad ate asparagus
So, no backstory because there's no need, just sharing thoughts coz the most popular post around here has like, two upvotes, my dad came by at 3 am, girlfriend in tow, joking, and realized we have no bottled water. Now, our country ain't advanced enough to have water filters in our sinks, so this is a problem. So they ask me "Is there anything to drink?" to which I answer "Yeah, sour cream."
Now, now, hold your laughter, dear graveyard, I haven't gotten to the good part yet. So my dad and his girl shuffled around the fridge, looking for something drinkable - milk, juice, whatever - and come across a plate of asparagus. Yes, those little beanstalk veggies. So the girl goes ahead, grabs the plate, takes one and says, I kid you not, "Mmmm". Those who ate those green tubes knows. There is no planet on Earth that has a girl who appreciates revolting frozen veggies, let alone a couple who appreciates revolting frozen veggies. And here they were, chewing away at the disgusting little beanstalks, just savoring the taste.
To anybody out there, if you and your girl can't eat a plate of veggies at 3 am while laughing your asses off, this is the ideal you should strive for.
​
PS, before I forget, my dad is happily divorced. My mom is pissed because of that.
https://redd.it/1bgavtt
@r_funnystories
Teachers What Was The Best Roast You Heard From A Student?FAKE/OG
I teach in the 6th Grade with a bunch Of 11-12 Years old And id be lying to you if i say that they dont know How to throw it back. Now there has been a Male Student who has picked on a female Student and has been Calling her "Hotdog Lips" For some time now but she Never answered to him and she Never Told me. About a Week ago we were giving out Report Cards and we Had The Parents over Just to be there for the Half Year report card(Its done in the Country im in) and She was stuck to her mom like Glue she was always around her during that time. Now we were Giving out cupcakes And Lets Call the girl 12 she tried to Get her and her Mom a cupcake but the boy who we would call 11 Pushed her aside and said"Go away Hotdog lips"the Mother Was about to replay to 11 but 12 already got in and she Replied with"At least my Hotdog is long." A lot of the People In that room Heard that and Laughed, 11 was about to replay when she Cut him off saying" Maybe you should Stop worrying about my lips Size But you Should Worry about what am doing with those lips, Like Kissing your dad" everyone Laughed But 11 and his Mother The mother is a real Karen. The mother got in and Said to 12's mother "Teach your kid some Manners "But 12 said "i see the Apple doesn't Fall far from the Tree, You both's Ego is well Over your Wight Which is impressive Because yall r obese"12 mother Was obviously embarrassed. Karen Answered "GOD you really need to worry about your kid"12 said"GOD you really Need To Worry About ur Husband,We cam see mom's winnin it." That made me burst out laughing.
https://redd.it/1be6nv8
@r_funnystories
My Alexa Rickrolled Me
I woke up this morning, and said "Alexa, play [I forgot the song\]" and it played my "personal feed". The first few were normal, 2 Pokemon tracks (which I have listened to before), but then... The rickroll... I NEVER LISTENED TO IT. I GOT RICKROLLED BY ALEXA!
https://redd.it/1bcwd04
@r_funnystories
My dad’s story
My dad said he was gonna get on a flight soon and had a hotel near a Denny’s, he drove there and saw police tape and apparently someone died there and all he said he thought was “damn, how am I gonna get wet pancakes now?” He told me this story in the car when we were passing that Denny’s on the way to cheddars-
https://redd.it/1baplov
@r_funnystories
Magic School Bus
One day, Miss Frizzle decided to take the class to Chicago. so off they went, traveling on, well, the Magic School Bus.
Then after a couple days, it came back. The whole class, including Miss Frizzle, were dead inside, along with bullet holes on the sides of the Magic School Bus. There was a saved audio, where Wanda was heard saying:
"Dammit Arnold, I told you not the say the N-word while we are going through Grove Street"
​
https://redd.it/1ba9hdp
@r_funnystories
Really bad first experience with gf
I'm bored at work and got mentally flash-based with this memory so now everyone else gets be as well.
It was tenth grade and I had my first real girlfriend, her and I had never done anything past hug and hold hands. We decided one day after a few months of being together I should spend the night at her house.
Her mom was not comfortable with her coming to my house. So I said sure and caught the school bus with her the day of the fabled sleep over.
I was not really sure what was going to happen other then movies and snacks, probably go for a walk in the woods outside her house because she lived-in the middle of nowhere.
The first day went fine, we played games on her 360 and watched Kung fu panda before cuddling on the couch she had in the basement.
It's important to explain we had discussed screwing around before via text and phone calls, I had never done anything with anyone yet so I was excited but not expecting.
After the movie she rolled over and kissed me which just about stopped my heart, I was thrilled! She asked me to kiss her neck and so I did. She grabbed my hair and kissed me harder with tongue before stopping, giggling and telling me goodnight. I was surprised and slightly saddened but fair enough I suppose.
Now you'd think, I go to bed, have a normal sleep and wake up to a nice morning with her.
Of course not, or else I wouldn't write this.
She left the light on so the whole basement was bright, I got up, annoyed. I make my way to the light and see her standing at the top of the stairs, just a dark figure at the top of the stairs
"Did you pee yet" she asks me
I just stood there like, what the fuck do you mean thus I responded "no, I don't have to pee"
She comes all the way down the stairs and tells me to go upstairs and pee. I didn't know what to say because what the fuck was I supposed to say?!
She insisted and I went upstairs to find her mom standing there in the kitchen. And she also asks me if I pissed yet.
I said, again, "no, but I also don't have to go so it's fine"
She points to the bathroom and says "well I can't have you pissing the couch, so go to the bathroom"
Like what the hell is happening? It's fine I guess I'll go. So I go. I push as hard as I can to get the tiny bit of pee in me out.
I come out and they both just nod and say goodnight to me.
It's 9:30 at night, by the way dear reader.
So I go lay in bed and try to sleep, end up playing on the 360 for a little while before I get a text from her telling me "sorry I couldn't stay downstairs I was just scared you would try and have sex with me" which I hadn't intended on happening, I told her it was fine and I had fun regardless.
The next morning I wake up to her standing over me at seven fucking twenty AM, to her poking me with a drumbeat stick. The second my eyes are open this mother fucker hits me with
"Hey, you should go pee" like this is the most fucking normal shit ever
I just stared at her, half asleep and said no. It's okay I do not have to pee.
She looks over and her mother was standing there. At the door. Staring at me. "Go pee" she says. Sounding weirdly pissed off about it.
I get up, Go pee again. I did actually have to go but spitfully didn't want to go because this was weird as hell.
I cone out to find they had made kraft dinner well I was sleep, which is not a food I like but I wasn't going to be rude and say no. I sat down at the table still very much asleep by the way.
I eat a few bites of the macaroni. Not thrilled but persisting. When I am hit with this overwhelming sense of hate, as she smiles and blasts the god damn shit out of my KD with ketchup, making it a soup.
She looks me in the eyes and says "there. Much better." Which I assure you IT WAS NOT
Almost instantly she gets normal clothes on and tells me to do the same. I assume we're going for a walk when she hands me a shovel and says "we have to shovel the driveway" I was not super keen in doing asnit had snowed once in the past week but from the looks of it, they never shoveled once this winter.
After
funny anecdotes from my childhood.
one day when i lived in Washington after helping my mom rake leaves into a big pile i jumped into it despite her warning me about wasps, i got stung on the thumb immediately after.
when i graduated from preschool they played a song that was popular at the time which just so happened to be John Mayers "waiting on the world to change" which for those who haven't heard it is a slightly depressing song about wanting to make a change in the world but not being powerful enough to do it so your forced to watch as life continues to decline. not exactly the best song to play for kids just starting their lives.
okay a more light hearted one to end off on. in Hawaii my Mom was listening to my dads reggae mix while filming me playing in a sprinkler. after i saw my mom filming, me being the little menace i was decided to moon the camera.
PS my old mans not dead dont worry. I'm a navy kid so he was deployed a lot when i was a kid
​
https://redd.it/1b7nsll
@r_funnystories
How I met my girlfriend
Funny story about how I met my girlfriend .. when I was 21 I was a mid level weed dealer . Well one day I was selling to a friend I had 2 lbs in the car and I was drinking . Well I was rambling on being that I was drinking and he was growing impatient he said “come on man gimme my weed” I say hold up too many people around . So I put my car in reverse and all of a sudden boom ! I t boned someone in reverse . I said oh fuck I told my buddy to get all my stuff and bring it inside his apartment before cops show . He’s working on that while I get out to talk to the girl getting out of her car that I hit . I was dressed to impress that day so I could tell immediately when I seen a look of attraction in her eye . I smiled and asked her to pull up next to me so she could get out the roadway . Well as soon as she pulled out I told my buddy jump in ! And threw the car in reverse and got the hell out of there . I could hear her yelling hey hey ! I felt bad but I wasn’t going to jail ..well a month later this girl I sold to calls and asks if she can give her friend my number for some weed of course I say yes . She wants a 3.5 I tell her meet me at the gym . Well you pull up to her and it’s the same car I hit and ran on ! I give her her stuff see if she remembers but she didn’t say a word . That went on for about 3 months till we started “talking talking” well we’re getting drunk and having crazy sex every night and one night we get done all out of breath she says can I ask you something? I say sure , she asks do you remember hitting and running on me ? My jaw dropped … I didn’t know what to say but laugh . I said haha yeah why are you just now asking me? She said I was giving her such good deals she didn’t want to ruin it 😌 the rest is history wev been together ever since.
https://redd.it/1b6ipa4
@r_funnystories
My American client recently visited India and there he asked where Porus and Alexander fought
A baseball coach who regularly buys sports items from us recently shared a funny incident. When he visited India, he thought Alexander came to India and fought with Porus. So, he asked his guide where the Battle of the Hydaspes happened. The coach was shocked to learn that Hydaspes happened near Jhelum in Pakistan Not India
https://redd.it/1b5oesh
@r_funnystories
Bi lo bomber
Okay,i got a good one:
I used to work for bilo in 2017 and we had this customer who would literally come in our store every night to take a crap. Never bought anything that i saw. We used to name him the bilo-bomber because his anal-antics where so notorious, they should be reviewed in court. Anyway,this guy comes in and we know,its gonna be bad. It was a big store and when got done deploying his bombs we knew because the entire store would smell so bad,you could be on the other side and still smell it coming from the front where our restrooms where.
Seriously, the smells this dudes' deuches produced where a ungodly mixture of cowdung,multicultural diareas and pork fat rendering plant...The assault to our senses seemed to reunite the workers and customers alike,since facing the stench was a battle we all endured each night, followed by the many profanities echoing throughout the building,as innocent people got consumed by the stench...bilo bomber was never reprimanded for his crimes,but his legacy of olfactory rape will live on forever.
https://redd.it/1b5ae86
@r_funnystories
Do you think this has scarred the other kids for life?
At my cousins 5th birthday party, my brother 7, told me 6, that Santa wasn’t real. I wasn’t even upset about Santa, I just couldn’t believe I’d been lied to. I was absolutely shocked to find out this was a nation wide lie. My cousin had Barney the dinosaur as entertainment, within seconds of hearing the news of Santa I looked at Barney and launched. I ripped his costume head off, screaming he’s not real! Neither is Santa, they’ve been lying to us! The kids were screaming, crying, throwing up!
That’s the day I learnt that I don’t deal well with being lied to and apparently had a lot of integrity for truth lol. A child whistleblower
https://redd.it/1b503bx
@r_funnystories
Very Short
My girlfriend said she’d prefer a stronger, more reliable partner, to which I replied, ‘you’re telling me my childish, oversensitive, pathetic little man act has been a waste of time!?
She shut the door and hasn’t come back.
You can drop the facade lads.
https://redd.it/1bkppxc
@r_funnystories
The big dong
So I got this sex toy from Amazon. Let’s just say when it showed up it was 😯 totally not even a thing. Perhaps for practice for birthing a baby I’m not sure. Comically big.
I stowed it in my closet, I thought maybe one day I would use it as a joke and forgot alllll about it.
So. When I went to move as it turns out upon the last realization that it had been in there. Not only that but the last person to go into my closet, on the last day, to finally realized it was there.
She said “what in the fuck man that is wild”.
I went to see it was this giant floppy veiny dick standing straight up in the corner of the closet. Then I chased her around a little bit with it. She about slapped me.
Everyone, and I mean everyone who came to help me move had seen it. They didn’t say anything but they definitely went in there.
I realized all the “I’ll let you take care of this room” and shit like that people would say, flashes. 12 different people including the maintenance people at different points especially during the move.
I was so busy it never occurred to me that it was there or anything. I forgot about it the day I opened it. I’m dying thinking about the mental scars I left upon folks who may thought I maybe need an emergency room.
https://redd.it/1bidlr3
@r_funnystories
Butt cheeks hahahaha
Dookie monster came in my room while I was sleepy timing the smell of crotch was lingering so bad under my bed I almost fainted of lack of oxygen I screamed for my bich ass dad to come and check under ma bed but dumb ass dad couldn’t hear me while knocked out under the influence of Xanax and vagina fingers so I had to get up off my badass car bed I yelled bitch ass stank booty monster come out where I can hear you see you and feel you!! While pointing my water gun pistol a I hear someone rip a fatass fart out then out of nowhere!! A big fat hairy lady runs out my room but HAHA! She trips on my secret cum bucket trap I have for sneaky fuck ass burglars so I peel off into the dark hallway where she landed tut first and I can’t believe my asshole eyes it’s my mother!!
https://redd.it/1bhjla7
@r_funnystories
McDonald's manager has dirty mind but it's my fault?
So my wife worked for McDonald's on the same Walmart where I worked. She had they day off because she had dental work done in the morning. So I'm standing in line at McDonald's on a break waiting to order some food and decided to call and check up on her.
At this point I feel I need to explain something. I have a hearing loss and at that time didn't have hearing aids. As a result my voice is loud and I don't even realize it. Now back to the story:
She told me she missed me and that she has holding her pink teddy bear that I got here a few years previous for Valentine's Day. I said to her something like That's good you've got you pink teddy. I was next so I ended the conversation. A minute or two later the assistant manager came up to me and said that I needed to be careful because this is a family restaurant and there are kids here. Then she went back behind the countee. That's it, no explanation of what I might've said. So I thought back over the conversation and then the lightbulb came on. I told her It's a teddy bear! She says back "It doesn't matter, it's what people heard"
So basically you've got a dirty mind but it's somehow my fault that your mind went right to the gutter
https://redd.it/1bgbeax
@r_funnystories
That time I went to a male strip club and only lasted 15 minutes before running out the door in fear....
(I'm female btw) I went to a male strip club at like 4pm on a Wednesday (10 years ago) because I was curious wth it was and an old friend from high school worked there and I could NOT picture him as a stripper lol so I just had to see...I told him to tell all the dancers to leave me the hell alone and that I'm just there out of pure curiosity.
Background story- I had also gone to a female strip club a little while before this, because again, I was curious what the heck it was... I didn't even see boobs at the female strip club so I thought everyone was kinda exaggerating how raunchy they can be..
So, anyways yeah...I thought... the male strip club wouldn't be much different.... boy, was I wrong.
I only lasted about 15 minutes before running out the damn door.. I sit down at the bar, (and I guess this was rather unhinged) I ordered...a glass of milk. Lmfao because I was a bit of a milk addict lol lol and I didn't want to drink alcohol lol. (I'm neurodivergent leave me alone ok lol)
Anyways next thing I know, the stripper is smacking these two old women in the face with his 12 inch long dick. I was horrified. My jaw hit the floor. I wondered how the hell anyone found this enjoyable. I downed my milk in fear. (I guess that was also rather unhinged)
I got up to run out the door, I see the stripper take the two old ladies to the back room, with his full penis just swinging about. I thought to myself "oh my gosh, prostitution! What else could go on back there if they're smacking people with dicks out here!?!"
Anyways, that was the day I learned that some strip clubs really are that raunchy, and evidently not all women lose their sex drive after menopause, and most importantly, it was weird as HELL for me to order friggin milk at a strip club bar.
That is all.
https://redd.it/1bg4odm
@r_funnystories
The meme has spread
So me my mom and her friend have this meme where we go “mommy I fwowed up” and a few months later I go to my pops with my cousin and he said “my name in the caw when you werwent thew I fwowed up” and I was trying not to laugh
https://redd.it/1bdzopn
@r_funnystories
A nurse did what?
So going back a few years now, I was told an absolutely amazing story, but first I need to put a bit of detail here
I work in aged care but just as a carer
I was told that one busy night, one of the staff members also a carer was just going around doing their job, when suddenly one of the residents/patients needed them, they went in asked them in a polite manner what they needed, but tragedy struck, they. Were unable to get their words out and collapsed, luckily the trusty registered nurse was quickly on the scene
With a quick look over the staff member they new that they were having some form of anaphylaxis and rushed to get their epipen
Short intermission
By no means am I saying having some form of health emergency is funny, I have been in a few mostly as the person giving first aid, it is what happened next is what was funny, then it goes back to a medical emergency
The registered nurse gets the other member prepared, lifts the epipen
And plunges it down
Into
The registered nurses own leg
Instead of the other staff member having the attack
In the end both are fine and an ambulance was called for both of them
https://redd.it/1baojpf
@r_funnystories
I was playing a game last night that i tried it was 1 in the morning and when i woke up my room buddy needed to shred papers he said why is there soda on the paper shredder and i clean it up he didn’t realize that it wad cum
https://redd.it/1bajsbm
@r_funnystories
that shit show I went home. A few weeks later she cheated on me with my friend and had a three way with my other friend and his GF.
For my efforts I got a kiss and some sloppy red KD.
Your welcome for this journey with me.
https://redd.it/1b9ytbr
@r_funnystories
I want to name my cat manko
I personally think it would be cool, makes sense since it means pussy in Japanese and it sounds so cute
https://redd.it/1b8auoi
@r_funnystories
My Brother Ran out of School because he saw a Ghost
Hello, this is my first post on Reddit this feels like the only place I can post this. Back when my middle brother (American, 16m) was a high school junior he watched tons of those scary video comps on YouTube. He's orthodox and the rest of my family is protestant. My annoying teenage self and my mom told him to stop because it was keeping him up at night. One morning his math class had a sub. He looked out the window as sleep-deprived as he was he hallucinated a ghost. He then proceeded to run out of the school to Waffle House. They found him brought him back and told my mother they were "aware he had religious beliefs". Yeah, my mom got onto him for it.
I have many more stories of my siblings.
https://redd.it/1b6ijef
@r_funnystories
Memorable moment as a Taco Bell cashier.
This is the dumbest thing I ever heard as a cashier at Taco Bell in my early 20's. I was working the register when these two 20 something year old girls wearing workout clothes approached the counter. One of them asked me if we had any drinks that weren't carbonated. I immediately thought to myself 'OK that makes sense. Carbonation is known to upset stomachs after exercising, and can injure the stomach lining if it's too acidic'. I was about to rattle off our options when her friend asked, "Why don't you want to drink anything carbonated?" To which the first girl replied immediately and with full confidence "You know, because of all the carbs." The friend then nodded and said "Oh yeah that makes sense." They both ordered sweet tea and I spent the next few minutes trying to not get an ulcer from holding back my laughter.
https://redd.it/1b5t1e4
@r_funnystories
Wasn’t expecting a set up this perfect
I’m an ROTC kid and I was riding the bus back to my school after a day of pt. I had a girl who sat behind me and was teasing this other dude that was in the seat next to him. She made the joke which went along the lines of “Are you a lesbian?” I don’t know why that was brought up but I wasn’t paying attention until she said that. My dumbass turns around and I say “nah, he just likes what they like.” Immediately after, the girl starts cracking up and the guy starts laughing
https://redd.it/1b5f402
@r_funnystories
What’s your weirdest celebrity run in?
I was on a run in the park and a little dog ran up to me. The woman said “oh you must be good with dogs, they don’t normally run up to people.” And I said “woof, I am a dog”. Looked up and it was Saoirse Ronan. I literally felt the equivalent of a horse girl in that moment. Why did I have to say woof? Ffs
https://redd.it/1b52k99
@r_funnystories
The drama that is an 8 year olds life 🤣
So my 8 year old is in 2nd grade and every day he gets home from school he has to update me on what happens…sometimes it’s the same old same old, and sometimes it’s hilarious drama 🤣 Today I died laughing because he came home telling me his “girlfriend” he’s been talking about for weeks told him she was done being his girlfriend. I asked him why and he explained that at lunch he told on her for getting out of her seat. She the walked up to my son and said outright,” I’m not your girlfriend anymore.” Then afterwards, he apparently asked another girl to be his “girlfriend” and he likes her because she shares her fruit snacks and “farts a lot” 🤣🤣🤣🤣 2nd graders man 🤣🤣🤣
https://redd.it/1b4j6oa
@r_funnystories