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Story to tickle your belly @reddit2telegram @r_channels JEET is the administrator
The Great Cat Conundrum
In the heart of Whiskerville, a charming little village known for its love of cats, lived Mr. Pawsworth, a retired magician who had a special talent for making his cats disappear—literally. His cats, Houdini and Sable, were infamous for their magical tricks, often causing chaos around town.
One day, the local pet store announced a contest for the “Most Magical Pet Trick.” Mr. Pawsworth, eager to show off his feline companions, signed up. He promised that Houdini and Sable would perform a trick that would leave everyone astounded.
As the contest began, Mr. Pawsworth and his cats took the stage. With a flourish, he announced, “For our grand trick, Houdini and Sable will make themselves disappear and reappear in the most unexpected places!”
The audience held their breath as Mr. Pawsworth waved his wand and muttered an incantation. Houdini and Sable vanished in a puff of smoke, only to reappear… on top of the judge’s table, munching on a plate of cookies.
The crowd erupted in laughter. The judges, trying to compose themselves, managed to award Mr. Pawsworth the “Most Unexpected Trick” prize. Mr. Pawsworth shrugged and said, “Well, it seems my cats have their own ideas about magic.”
From that day forward, Houdini and Sable became the stars of Whiskerville, known for their mischievous antics and unexpected appearances. Mr. Pawsworth embraced their antics, and the village enjoyed the ongoing mystery of where the cats would turn up next, adding a touch of whimsy and laughter to their everyday lives.
https://redd.it/1eyp5co
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Today I was...
I was playing a card game with my mother.
I was able to win the game, but somehow I made all the worst possible moves and found the only way I could force her to win. We both had to laugh after I realized. It's like... you find THE ONLY LOSING SEQUENCE.
https://redd.it/1eyr3tx
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The Misguided Pet Detective
In the small town of Pawsburg, pets were treated like royalty, and the local Pet Detective, Miss Mabel, was the town’s go-to person for solving any pet-related mysteries. Miss Mabel took her job very seriously, though she often found herself in over her head.
One day, Mrs. Green’s beloved cat, Fluffy, went missing. Desperate, Mrs. Green enlisted Miss Mabel’s help. Miss Mabel, armed with her magnifying glass, a notepad, and a collection of pet-tracking gadgets, set out to find Fluffy.
She started her investigation by questioning the neighbors. “Did you see anything unusual?” she asked Mr. Brown, who was known for his obsession with gardening.
“Nope, haven’t seen anything strange,” Mr. Brown replied, “except for a gnome that keeps moving around in my garden.”
Miss Mabel, intrigued, noted this down. She visited every neighbor, each time asking about the elusive Fluffy and jotting down peculiar observations, including one neighbor’s complaint about a squirrel’s questionable fashion sense.
Finally, Miss Mabel decided to follow a hunch. She put on her detective hat (literally) and combed through the town, searching for any clues. After hours of tracking, she was exhausted and ready to give up. Just as she was about to head home, she heard a faint meowing coming from the park.
She followed the sound and discovered Fluffy lounging on a sunbathing chair, looking quite content. Fluffy had apparently decided to enjoy a day out and had made friends with the local pigeons.
Miss Mabel triumphantly returned Fluffy to Mrs. Green, who was overjoyed. “Thank you, Miss Mabel! How did you find her?”
Miss Mabel smiled, “Let’s just say I followed the trail of suspicious gnomes and fashion-conscious squirrels.”
From that day on, Miss Mabel became the talk of the town—not for her detective skills, but for her hilarious and unconventional methods. And while she might have been a bit misguided, she always managed to bring a smile to everyone’s face.
https://redd.it/1eypbx9
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I lost my virginity to water
I 16 female a few years back went on a camping trip with my family like we do every year and every year I bring a friend, we decided to go boating that day and my friend and I wanted to go tubing, and my grandma was not holding back, she flung us off the tube so fast that I did like 7 cartwheels over the water and the water shot up my ass at 90 miles per hour as I screamed "MY ASS!!!" And my family just laughed when I got to the boat I had to pull my swim bottoms to the side because I couldn't stop violently shiting my self, I hurt so back, my butt hole and I sides were cleaned out by dirty lake water, we had to end the boating trip earlier because I couldn't stop crying because of the pain, when I got back to the camper, I was screaming and crying while sitting myself on the toilet and my asshole was bleeding because of how hard the water shot up there.
https://redd.it/1eyidy6
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Receptionist likes my cologne... i dont wear cologne
Hi All
I think this is funny, but not entirely sure you guys will agree. Lets find out :)
Long story short i drive a ute (pickup truck for you americans). I do a lot of pickups and deliveries for work. Yesterday i stopped by one of our suppliers to pick up some stuff. I popped into the main office to let the receptionist know i was there. She called up the storeman to let him know.
Then she asks me "what are you wearing?"
I was confused because she could see me quite clearly and for work i wear high visibility work wear so its pretty clear what im wearing. When i pointed at my shirt all confused she laughed and said "what cologne are you wearing, i could smell it last time you were here as well and its lovely"
Cue even more confusion because i dont wear cologne. When i told her that she was insistent that i had a lovely scent to me. Thats when i realised what she was smelling. I pulled out my vape pen and passed it to her. She smelled it and laughed. That was the scent. Blackberry Raspberry Lemon. LOL we shared a little laugh before i went back to my car and met with the storeman
https://redd.it/1ey04i0
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Park encounter
(This is my first time posting so this may be bad idk)
So I was just on the swings on my phone (maybe mad about something so I completely rested my face) and these three boys (probably 10-11) sit on the swings next to me... they suddenly all ask each other how they are and one of the boys ask me 'well how are you?' And in response I just mumbled out a 'good'.... ONE OF THEM THEN BLURTS OUT 'ArE yOu A wOmAn?!!' I just sit there trying not to laugh and I just go 'u-uh yeah.' They then just left lmao
https://redd.it/1ewt97b
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This is a quite funny (imo)
This happened not long ago. Had a strike day and went round to someone's house. I looked up in their probably 7 ft cupboard and I saw a box of dolls like barbies and monster high.
For some reason I wanted to see inside so I asked someone and they said ,,ok I'll do it in 5 mins,,
I was like ok that sounds good.
HOWEVER, I'm a VERY impatient human so I thought ,, hang on I could do this myself, I'm strong,, so I reached up for the box and I felt my right upper arm just give up on me.
I THEN RESTED THE BOX ON MY HEAD QHILE SOMEONE HELPED AND I HAD TO GO TO A&E.
turns out I had broken/fractured it in 3 places.
This was from a box of barbies.
My family jokes about it now.
https://redd.it/1c26iix
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Is this approiate thing to do in weddding? (fixed question)
I have a friend who Betrothed his daughter to someone, he is a martial artist and in the wedding we both wore suit and necktie and he sparred me jokingly and I let him win, he tackled me to the ground and I lied on my back on the floor with my eyes closed and didn't get up As like I am unconscious/knocked out for 2 minutes, he joyfully danced around me and slapped gently my face to see if I woke up, he put his leg on my belly to feel triumphat, the crowd also danced around me they understood it was a joke, he poured glass of water into my face and I "woke up" from "knockout", we danced
https://redd.it/1c1f9wd
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Is this approiate thing to do in weddding?
I have a friend who married his daughter, he is a martial artist and in the wedding we both wore suit and necktie and he sparred me jokingly and I let him win, he tackled me to the ground and I lied on my back on the floor with my eyes closed and didn't get up As like I am unconscious/knocked out for 2 minutes, he joyfully danced around me and slapped gently my face to see if I woke up, he put his leg on my belly to feel triumphat, the crowd also danced around me they understood it was a joke, he poured glass of water into my face and I "woke up" from "knockout", we danced...
https://redd.it/1c0e1hy
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Then he realized his friend had been hypnotized by the evil spirits. Danny William thought he heard one of them calling him to go closer, but he couldn’t get a word out of his mouth. It wasn’t long before Danny William started inching closer toward whatever that abomination was.
Henry thought nothing could be done, but prayed to God briefly for salvation.
Perhaps that prayer worked as, a second later, Danny William started to turn his face towards Henry, slowly cutting the gaze he had upon the evil spirits. Upon realizing this was not a safe place anymore, he said quietly to him, “Time to leave.”
As soon as Danny William finished speaking, they ran towards the clear, grassy plain of salvation they had been walking on earlier. As they ran, they were nearly touched by two spirits who tried to close in on them, but they both held their arms to themselves and shouted “Go Away!”
At last, Danny William and Henry reached the plain, where they felt secure being shone upon by the Sun’s warm rays. They quickly looked back to the forest and saw numerous ghost-like figures staring out at them, with evil, red eyes and serious mouths. Despite their clear desire to do evil to the two, they seemed unable to leave the forest, restricted by the goodness of the Sun. The two ran back down the hill, past the bush, and back to the heavenly beach. The moment they re-entered the Long Bay beach, they knew they were safe.
Danny William and Henry were relieved that they were still alive and able to enjoy the day at the main part of Long Bay reserve, far from evil and within the bounds of good.
“I think that’s one lesson learned,” Danny William said to his friend.
“Yeah, don’t go into a haunted forest,” Henry replied back.
“Or more precisely, don’t fart in it, because spirits can smell that too!” Danny William said in a more sarcastic manner.
“Well, at least we can be thankful we can have fun, just as we wanted,” Henry replied as they walked down to the beach.
“At least that’s—”
Henry farted again.
“Henry Joseph!”
https://redd.it/1by110h
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cheating on me twice when we were seventeen, but didn't like it.
I graduated college and she finally found a guy, let's call him Chad, who did it for her. Except she only told me after they were together for two months.
I told myself that it was time to close that dark chapter of my life, to finally stop thinking with the small head and cut her out of my life completely.
I stole her phone and copied Chad's number. I stalked Chad. When Elsa was definitely not going to interfere I called him and told him we needed to meet.
I told him about being her ex and why we broke up and that I would definitely stop now that I knew about him, but that we were still having sex on the regular, last time three days ago.
He looked at me with a screwed up face and told me: 'Good Sir... are you serious?'
'Yes, sorry.'
'You really think...' then he bursts out laughing, 'You really think that dumb bitch can keep something like that a secret?'
And that's how I met my best friend! Elsa was so fucking pissed.
He really loves how much of an asshole Elsa is and treats her even worse than I did. We're both fucking her and she's now super happy with that arrangement, because she can hate two men instead of one and Chad fires back, but is super chill about it.
It was his Idea to publish my story here.
Chad: 'Not laughing at this huge guy, who could break me like a twig stammering through an apology for something he didn't know he was doing was the hardest ten minutes of my life. I knew what this was about as soon as he called me. I was actually relieved, because that guy who was following me looked fucking scary. When he told me she called his gramps a ni99er I thought ''Oh shit, if I start laughing now, he's going to kill me.''
Yes, I like yanderes. Yes, I am crazy and sticking it into crazy. No, we don't DP her, even if she really wants to.'
John: 'One, she doesn't deserve it. Two, it would be super weird to have Chad watch me fuck Elsa. It's weird enough when they kick me out of their apartment when she wants to fuck. I only agreed to fuck her in their place two months ago.'
Chad: 'He was too chicken to tell me to leave my own home. And no, I don't want to have sex with him either. It's less that he's a guy and more that he's a little bitch. He could get much more game if he applied himself.'
John: 'I think it's more that Elsa has traumatized me too much.'
Chad: 'You could at least post a photo of your car.'
John: 'I do work in Cybersecurity.'
Chad: 'This mofo doesn't have facebook.'
John: 'God, don't imply Elsa breeding.'
lol, revenge is a dish best served never.
https://redd.it/1bxr34j
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How my Friend's Boyfriend Sneaked into School
okay so this happened when i was in year 9 (8th grade for the americans). i went to an all-girls school, every student there was a girl. there was also an all-boys school quite close to my school, probably only a couple minutes of a walk away. one of my friends had a boyfriend who went to the all-boys school, and she was very obbessed with him. it was difficult to talk with her about something that wasn't about her boyfriend. anyways, one day, she said to me that her boyfriend was going to sneak into our school to meet her. i asked her how he was going to pull that off, because he's a boy and he would be wearing a different uniform to us. she just said, "watch and see." and let me tell you, he came into our school wearing OUR uniform, wearing a long blonde wig and some mascara. when i saw him, i didn't even look twice because i genuinely thought it was just a normal girl student. it was only when my friend came up to him and kissed him that i realised that was her boyfriend. our lunch break back then was an hour long, so they went to the toilets and did who-knows-what in there. still a little traumatised yet amazed to this day.
https://redd.it/1bxfidi
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Whqt is the funniest plot twist story you heard?
https://redd.it/1bx4amd
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Pete's Precious 'Diamond': A Pigeon's Tale of Treasure and Titters
💎In a quiet corner of a bustling city, there lived a pigeon named Pete who had an unusual hobby: he loved to collect shiny things.
Pete was no ordinary bird; his nest was adorned with spoils from the urban jungle: bottle caps, gum wrappers, and even a glittery earring he found near the park. But Pete's prized possession was a small, round, reflective object he believed was a diamond.
One sunny day, while Pete was out on his usual treasure hunt, he stumbled upon a group of squirrels having a heated debate.
The squirrels were arguing over the best way to crack open a particularly tough nut. Each squirrel had its own method, but none seemed to work. Seeing an opportunity to show off his prized "diamond," Pete swooped down and offered it to the squirrels, suggesting they use it to crack the nut open, believing its brilliance equaled unparalleled strength.
The squirrels, dubious but desperate, agreed. Pete, full of pride, watched as the squirrels positioned his diamond atop the nut and gave it a good whack. To everyone's surprise, instead of the nut cracking open, Pete's precious diamond shattered into a million pieces. It turned out to be nothing more than a very shiny candy wrapper.
The squirrels burst into laughter, and Pete, though embarrassed, couldn't help but join in. He realized that the true value of his collection wasn't in how shiny or valuable each item was, but in the joy and the hilarious misadventures they brought him.
Moral of the story: Not everything that glitters is gold, but even a pigeon with a candy wrapper can crack a tough nut if he makes friends laugh along the way.
😊🤸♀️🦋😃
https://redd.it/1bwzvbx
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My 11 Year Old Brother (short and true story)
So I have an 11 year old little brother named Jax. I am his older brother, and in our house it is normal for the men to go shirtless whenever they feel like it. Recently my little brother Jax has been going shirtless much more frequently then he used to (this was last summer) since our AC system was broken and our house was boiling hot. Now, my mom does not like it when the guys go shirtless, and she was complaining about Jax going shirtless so much. Eventually, Jax got tired of my mother's complaints and said, "Mom, at least I'm shirtless. I could easily go nude in this house if you would prefer, so make your choice." My mom has never complained about us going shirtless since lol
https://redd.it/1bvbhsv
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The Great Chicken Chase
In the small, sleepy town of Clucksville, there was a legend of a very clever chicken named Henrietta. Henrietta had a reputation for being exceptionally smart—and exceptionally mischievous.
One day, Henrietta decided to take a stroll through town. The townsfolk, always amused by her antics, enjoyed watching Henrietta wander around, pecking at things and causing mild havoc. But today, Henrietta had a grander plan in mind.
As the clock struck noon, Henrietta strutted into Mr. Baker’s shop, which was famous for its freshly baked pies. With a mischievous glint in her eye, Henrietta hopped onto the counter and began pecking at the pies, knocking them onto the floor.
Mr. Baker, flustered and exasperated, chased Henrietta out of the shop, yelling, “Henrietta, you’re going to get me into trouble!”
Henrietta clucked in delight and made a beeline for the town square, where the annual “Clucksville Chase” was about to begin—a race where participants had to chase a chicken for a prize. The race was a humorous tradition in town, and everyone was ready for the spectacle.
As Henrietta entered the square, she realized it was time for her grand performance. The townsfolk cheered, and the race began. Henrietta dodged and weaved through the crowd, leading the townspeople on a wild goose chase—err, chicken chase—through gardens, over fences, and even through a muddy puddle.
The sight of the mayor, the town sheriff, and several other contestants slipping and sliding in the mud as they tried to catch Henrietta was too much for the townsfolk to handle. Laughter echoed through the square as Henrietta continued to lead her pursuers in circles.
Finally, Henrietta decided it was time to end the chase. She calmly walked up to Mr. Baker, who was covered in flour and pie remnants, and pecked him on the leg. Mr. Baker, out of breath and amused, picked her up and declared, “Henrietta, you win the race!”
The crowd erupted in cheers and applause. Henrietta, content with her victory, was awarded a shiny medal and a lifetime supply of corn.
From that day on, Henrietta’s antics became the stuff of legend, and the Clucksville Chase was held annually with an extra twist—contestants had to prepare for a surprise appearance by the clever chicken who had once turned a pie shop into a playground.
https://redd.it/1eyp9ev
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The Not-So-Smooth Smoothie
In the bustling town of Blendville, smoothies were more than a drink—they were a way of life. The local Smoothie Bar, run by Barry Blenderson, was famous for its creative concoctions. Barry prided himself on his experimental recipes, always eager to try new combinations.
One day, Barry decided to create a smoothie that would leave everyone talking. He called it “The Ultimate Fusion.” His idea was to blend the most unusual ingredients he could find, convinced that they’d create a taste sensation.
Barry scoured the market and came back with a basket full of strange ingredients: pickled beets, smoked oysters, chocolate-covered bacon, and a jar of kimchi. He also grabbed a couple of exotic fruits he couldn’t pronounce, just for good measure.
The next day, Barry set up his blender and began his experiment. He tossed in the pickled beets, oysters, and chocolate-covered bacon. As the concoction whirred, a peculiar smell filled the shop—something between a seafood market and a chocolate factory. Undeterred, Barry poured the mixture into a glass and took a sip.
The taste was indescribable—part salty, part sweet, with a hint of fermented funk. Barry was both horrified and fascinated. He decided to test it out on his customers, hoping they’d appreciate his bold creativity.
As the first customers walked in, Barry proudly presented his new creation. “Try the Ultimate Fusion!” he declared.
The reactions were immediate and varied. Mr. Thompson, the town’s grumpy accountant, took a sip and his eyes widened. “This tastes like a dare,” he said, trying to keep a straight face.
Mrs. Johnson, a well-known food critic, took a sip and almost spat it out. “This is an affront to all things smoothie-related!” she exclaimed, wiping her tongue with a napkin.
The smoothie became an instant sensation, but not for the reasons Barry had hoped. It wasn’t long before “The Ultimate Fusion” was being used as a prank drink at parties. The Smoothie Bar, though, became famous for its bravery and sense of humor.
Barry eventually embraced the chaos, adding “The Ultimate Fusion” to the menu as a gag. It was the perfect way to keep his customers entertained, and he soon discovered that sometimes, the funniest success comes from the most unexpected failures.
https://redd.it/1eypb42
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The Accidental Chef
In the bustling town of Delicata, where culinary delights were taken very seriously, there was one restaurant that stood out: Chez Bizarre. Its eccentric chef, Gordon Quirk, was known for creating dishes that were as unpredictable as his moods. However, the most infamous story of Chef Quirk's career began one fateful Friday evening.
It was the night of the annual “Mystery Menu Challenge,” where local chefs would compete by serving offbeat dishes. Chef Quirk, never one to shy away from a challenge, decided to make a special dish that he promised would “change the way people think about food.”
Unfortunately, Chef Quirk had one small problem: he had forgotten to buy the ingredients for his grand creation. Panicking, he raided his kitchen cupboards, finding only an assortment of oddities—pickles, marshmallows, canned sardines, and a questionable jar of olives.
Undeterred, Chef Quirk decided to go ahead with his concoction. He mixed the ingredients in a pot, adding a dash of his secret sauce—a blend of hot sauce and honey that had once been mistakenly labeled as a "smoothie."
When the guests arrived at Chez Bizarre, they were greeted by the peculiar aroma of Chef Quirk’s creation, which he named “The Enigmatic Delight.” The dish was a colorful mess of pickles, marshmallows, sardines, and olives, with a drizzle of the infamous secret sauce.
As the patrons took their first bites, their reactions were priceless. Some choked, others laughed, and a few even declared it the most “interesting” meal they had ever tasted. One daring food critic took a bite and exclaimed, “It’s as if Willy Wonka and a fish market had a culinary baby!”
The highlight of the evening came when Chef Quirk, in an attempt to explain his creation, accidentally knocked over a bowl of marshmallows, which rolled across the floor and into the guests’ laps. The room burst into laughter as the guests began having marshmallow fights.
Despite the chaos, Chef Quirk’s dish became a sensation. The “Enigmatic Delight” became the talk of the town, and Chez Bizarre was forever known for its unforgettable and hilariously unpredictable menu. Chef Quirk embraced his accidental success, and the restaurant’s motto became, “Expect the Unexpected.”
https://redd.it/1eyp73s
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Guitar lesson, a waterfall and a rouge bearded dragon
When I was around 10 years old, I was taking guitar lessons in this guys house. He had a lot of reptiles and would always let me feed them before our lesson started.
He had a step daughter living with him and during one lesson, she announced she was going to go upstairs and take a bath. We continued our lesson. I noticed her come back downstairs and make herself something to eat. My teacher had me running through a really complicated part of a song when suddenly, the ceiling collapsed and a wall of water streamed down on their living room.
He was silent and in shock for a moment, I just sat there clutching my guitar, and he then just yelled “Uh…the bath, Sarah?!!!?”
She walked out of the kitchen with a mouth full of sandwich in shock.
They started yelling back and forth and I sat there awkwardly staring at the floor because I didn’t know what to do. Then, I noticed one of the bearded dragons run across the floor and scurry up the stairs.
He politely asked my mom and I to leave and to come back next week. My last image before his door closed was Sarah with a swiffer mop standing in the puddle of water.
https://redd.it/1ey7v07
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Forgot how to say Thanos.
I was like 7 or 8 I was sleeping in my sisters room and after I had watched DenisDaily ( I think) I went to bed and I was bored and was thinking of Thanos ( for some reason) And I suddenly forgot how to say it
"Tanos" "Thaos" "Thanoo"
https://redd.it/1ey153u
@r_funnystories
Pls
Pls join in ea fc mobile 24
https://redd.it/1ewrpth
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The phone call
So my husband got a phone call in the morning. It was an out of state number (Oregon) so he figured it was a possible scam caller. Mind you that my husband likes to mess with them he answers. So he answers and it was a guy named James. So he wanted to know what this guy called for. The only thing he said before hanging up suddenly was "Fuck you!" It left my husband stunned. ....What did he even do to James from Oregon?! 😅
https://redd.it/1c1lkil
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Homeless woman in my car
I woke up at 5 am to pick up my friend for an early gym session and went to the public parking garage where I left my car the day befor.
I accidentally left my car unlocked the night befor, which I usually triple check every time I lock it. (Yes it's my fault, I know)
So I open the door on the drivers side and see my seat all the way to the front, thinking "fuck I must have been robed".
And then I see it... a person sleeping on my backseat.
I go into flight or fight... or more like fight and nuts, and start to kick that intruder in to the legs waking her up. As this homless woman sits up i start screaming and telling her to get out of my car.
Now my car smells of feet and gnarly sweat.
(I know this woman uses substance and is an alcoholic, as I see her nearly on the daily in the city where I live. Even saw her doing drugs infront of kids)
TLDR: Homeless woman slept in the backseat of my car and I literally kicked her out.
https://redd.it/1c0tzge
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Nine is the highest number
As a kid me and my class mates were like "nine is the highest number because then you go back to digit that are under nine" and we weren't technically wrong because when you reach 999 then 1000 the digits go back to a single one and three zeros and nine is the highest digit like for example on a calculator it goes up all the way to nine and then resets back to zero and then one and up.
https://redd.it/1bye8c2
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The Ghosts in the Forest
Danny William walked before Henry, introducing him to the Long Bay reserve. They wanted to have fun, go for a walk, or swim at the beach.
“I’m starting to love this place,” Henry said.
“That’s good. I came here less than a year before moving to New Zealand. But yeah, Long Bay’s helped me fall in love with the country.”
“I’ve been here many times, especially in primary school. I wonder what growing up in America must have been like for you.”
The two had already had lunch and were looking for a place to sit. The sun was beating down on them, but not to a concerning extent, partially hindered by clouds. After some time, the two had walked up a hill. They had to walk up dense bushes and forests before being rewarded with grandiose sea views. Danny William looked back at his friend’s face, topped by his straight blond hair and blue eyes.
“Thanks for bringing me along, Danny,” Henry said, looking out across the blue.
“You’re welcome! I prefer being called Danny William in full though.”
“Oh, that’s right,” Henry said. “Why do you go by your middle name?”
“My parents and I like it,” Danny William replied. “I think it would be, like funny if you went by both your first and middle name.”
“Henry Joseph?”
“Yeah, I like that, but you can stick to just your first name if you want.”
As they continued to walk north, Danny William began to pay attention to the forest. That particular forest was, according to the native Māori folklore, to be haunted by evil spirits of some kind. But Danny William thought it was nothing to be afraid of, so he tried to clear his mind of preconceptions. Then came the idea.
“Henry…”
“Yeah?”
“Should we go into that forest?”
“Why?”
“Just to shield ourself from the Sun, and to have our own little space. The locals say it’s haunted, but seriously? I don’t think so.”
“Hmm… I don’t believe in ghosts. Yeah, I’d like to take a look.”
Danny William and Henry both departed from the path. The moment they stepped into the forest, the atmosphere became slightly colder; the surroundings decreased in saturation as if the sky had become cloudy. Drowning out the sounds of feet crunching dead sticks and leaves, Danny William occasionally thought of walking out for him and his friend’s safety but tried to drown out the feeling.
“It reminds me of the California redwoods, which I’ve seen only once as far as I know. How about we sit down?”
“Yeah, I’d like to rest from walking five miles or so. How about in front of that bush?”
“Nice idea.”
Only a few seconds later did Danny William and Henry sit down and rest, reflecting on their day.
Henry, however, had eaten a lot of food before his day out, which was being converted to gas inside his body. Henry could no longer contain the gases inside him, which he reluctantly released from his body. Danny William, having noticed, whispered to him.
“Did you just fart?”
“Excuse me…”
“Whatever, no one hea—oh butter biscuits, that smells!”
“I don’t think anyone can smell it…”
“Wait…”
Danny William became concerned. A feeling of dread and danger began to cloud him and his friend. He noticed that the forest just behind the bush looked very dark and desolate as if something was hiding there…
He didn’t want to look. But he felt like he had to. Trying to subtly be aware of his surroundings, Danny William slowly reached into the interior of the bush and pushed branches away to reveal what was on the other side. After one second, he noticed something off: it was a figure. A figure that made itself clear by being darker than the surrounding bush. It seemed to be less than 20 feet (five meters) away. But one big indicator it did not have good intentions was its blood-red eyes.
Without thinking, Danny William stood up and looked at the forest behind the bush. Then, he realized that there were many of them, forming a line that was about to start enclosing him and his friend. But he just stood there, doing nothing.
Henry got up and looked at his friend. He tried not to look at anything else but Danny William’s face.
Karma Houdini
Life Story: With 14 I got really into Linux. Into writing scripts with netcat to make servers on my dad's old laptops that can do anything. My Dad, who is the most amazing person in the whole world, got me a job as a joke.
I goddamn did it.
Well, one thing leads to another and on my sixteenth birthday my father tells me:
'John(Fakename), I was saving my ass off for your college fund.' I remember being shocked by him actually saying anything harder than butt or heck. I guess he thought I was a man now or something. 'Your Mom tells me she made you save all that money so we could use the fund as a safety net if anything happened. I convinced your mother that we shouldn't punish you for working hard and saving prudently. Son, I actually tried to write a poem about how proud I am.' I still crack up whenever I remember that line. 'John. We decided that you can use the money you earned ANY WAY YOU LIKE. I'm not kidding, I'll help you in any way I can, so you get your money's worth, but extraordinary achievements need extraordinary rewards, I'm serious.'
My father always brought me to school in an old red Ford Escort.
My life changed when I came to school after Christmas with a V6 Deluxe 2dr Coupe Mustang. Black, with red neon underglow and spinners. I loved Need for Speed Underground 2 and those 2 things were my dream car. My dad and a friend of his MADE the spoiler from aluminum and sprayed the whole thing in two different tones of black as my christmas present, but I payed for the rest with my own money and I was so incredibly proud and confident because of that.
I was made at sixteen and it showed.
Man, I was such an asshole after that. All the girls wanted me.
One girl got me! Let's call her Elsa! Elsa liked buttsex!
And I treated her like crap!
I didn't even notice! I was so up my own ass as well as her's, because I earned money doing stuff I loved and had a lot of kinky sex.
But I respected her not at all. I was always moderately athlethic, because my dad made sure I did enough sports and we would lift small weights while watching movies. That stopped after he met her, because she was always on my ass about doing sports and my dad could tell how she motivated me. Suddenly my dad was the one who made sure I had new Computer hardware and kept up with the news on cyber security.(I owe him everything, he should totally have become a teacher! <3<3<3)
I hated Elsa. I didn't respect her at all. My parents didn't notice, because she was all sweetness with them and I made sure to play the model boyfriend whenever anyone else was around, but one day in college a stranger came up to me out of the blue and told me I was scum for treating her like that and then went over to her and handed her a napkin with a website about abusive relationships.
That was a fucking wake up call if ever there was one! I apologized to Elsa! I did all the right boyfriend things! I wanted to change! I was so freakin depressed about being such an asshole, but in the end I kept doing it.
More than a year of this shit went by when Elsa met my grandpa!
And on the way home called him the n-word and was super pissed with me.
'You have seen my mom!' 'She's a gardener, I thought she was just always tanned! I'm just as brown as her and was jealous how she got paid money to get like that, when I had to drop so much on my tan.'
Oh... OHH!!! Eureka! SHE was the asshole.
I was nice to everyone BUT HER. I only was an asshole when I was alone with Elsa.
And I realized that she was taking me for granted just as much as I used to take her for granted.
A month after that she is begging me to take her back.
I... didn't have sex for a month... But other than that my life was so much better now! I said heck no!
She told me that other men are so much worse in bed.
Yeah... there's limits to principles.
But we didn't live together anymore! And my grand total of two friends have finally introduced me to their other friends, so I had a social life. 'You used to be so fake with her, it was creepy.'
Eventually she confessed that she tried
My bf and his friend have a conversation with me in their sleep
Soo me:15y/o bf:16y/o (we’ll call him cheeseburger) we both agreed not to have sleepovers until I feel comfortable staying the night at someone else’s house besides mine and my best friend’s house so we sleep otp. One night he spent the night at his friends house (we’ll call his friend jellybean) they were about to go to sleep and so was I so we all gts And he forgot to go on mute but after an hour of them sleeping and me trying to sleep I hear jelly bean in his sleep say : I can’t find it cheeseburger
My bf: I think I have it over here
Me: what are yall talking about
My bf and jellybean: BE QUIET YOU DRAGON
Me: excuse me?
Jellybean: hand me the plug
Me:um
My bf: don’t sound so confused you unplugged the sun dragon we have to plug it back in.
After that they didn’t say anything els and I went to sleep. I knew they both slept talked but never them having conversations with each other I knew it’s a common thing but never heard them sleep talk to each other I thought this was just funny and wanted to share a smile if y’all wanna hear more or share just comment ❤️
https://redd.it/1bx6ve9
@r_funnystories
Funny Birthday
This is just a short story but I figured someone might find it amusing.
A few days ago it was my birthday, and I guessed everything I was getting, because of a few mistakes my parents made. The first mistake was that my parents mentioned a few months ago that a book from a series I enjoy had just come out, and then on my birthday my parents asked me if I had listened to it because I like audiobooks. I made the connection from a few months ago and my birthday and figured out they must have gotten it. The second mistake is that every year on my birthday they get me an item of clothing that they know I like and need, so I was able to guess that I would be getting that too. The third mistake was that we went to a large retail shop quickly on our way to do something, and i connected to the WIFI, which was when the third gift was revealed to me. The third gift was a new watch, and it was trying to set itself up with my phone, which was the funniest give away to what I was getting.
I imagine most other people know what they are getting because they ask for gifts, but I just like the surprise, so it was pretty funny to me that all of my gifts got discovered before I even saw them wrapped up, which is normally when I guess my gifts (even though I am normally wrong). Also I only got a few gifts because the watch is expensive, but I love it!
https://redd.it/1bx0h1l
@r_funnystories
The shit bandits
When i was in 7th grade me and my buddies were at lunch and bored my buddy bought a worlds finest chocolate bar and accidentally left it out in the sun he said it was ruined but I had an idea. I told him to give it to me and he said okay. I then went to the bathroom when we were all done with our lunches. Then after that we went to the bathroom and I went in to the stall and smeared chocolate on the wall chocolate on the toilet and chocolate on the toilet paper. Afterwords we left and a kid walked in I put some on the sink aswell and I was screwed I had it all over my hands. Security was right outside I tried to wash my hands but to no avail. I walked out and said to the security guard. Some one put chocolate on the sink and it’s all over my hands! He didn’t even look at me he just left. It was my first act and not the last. We then went to our classes and went through the day although. I was worried about that kid but that’s besides the point. The next day my buddies were on a band felid trip. But I decided to do it anyway I then walked to the bathroom but then I wrote somthing in chocolate I wrote. The shit dealers never will be caught. Then I walked out a group of kids walked in and I wanted to see there reaction but I left as to not draw attention to myself then I went to class but then I was called to the office. I walked and when I walked in the principal said. Get in my office now! I walked in and sat she looked at me and said. Your buddies told us that you where smearing chocolate on the walls and toilets i thought damn he ratted me out I said I did and she told me to go to class and I have a week of detention. I can say I didn’t learn at all
https://redd.it/1bw4vou
@r_funnystories
My shrinking date
Last week, I had a pleasant date with a guy I met on an app. He had mentioned in his profile that he was 6’0 tall. To my surprise, when we met in person, I ended up being taller than him! I didn't think much of it at the time, but after the date, I decided to glance at his profile again. Lo and behold, he had changed his height to 5’10! Couldn't help but chuckle at the adjustment. Well, buddy, you're not quite there yet, but keep reaching for the stars
https://redd.it/1buvy7v
@r_funnystories