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Story to tickle your belly @reddit2telegram @r_channels JEET is the administrator
"I'm Done"
My fiance works for a tour company that also does private and group charters to and from airports and over the Canadian/US border. Prior to this he drove for Uber and had been since 2019. I have so many stories to tell but I'm going to share one that happened today.
He was picking up a family of 3 Italian nationals from Toronto and bringing them to their hotel in the US. For whatever reason when Italians come through the border they are ALWAYS pulled over for questioning. Don't know why exactly. He also spoke to them and learned that they really don't speak English very well. Fiance knows that they will probably take time at the border.
So, this family was a woman with her daughter and her father. Her father had a HUGE Pizza Hut pizza box in his lap. For any true Italian this is 100% sacrilegious (in general and even more so for the American concept). So, they drive up to the border and he pulls over for the usual check. My fiance hands the Border Guard their passports and BG sees they're Italian. Okay, gotta question them.
The BG goes to the door, opens it and is met with the old man with the Pizza Hut box. BG looks at the man, looks at the box, looks down at the passport. He hands them back to my fiance and says "Y'all are Italian you got Pizza Hut?? I can't deal with this. I'm done. Get the hell out of here." and walks away, leaving my fiance in a wtf just happened moment.
As he's driving away he looks in the mirror at the man and, in perfect English, says "That worked better than I thought it would."
https://redd.it/15nqe1j
@r_funnystories
How I accidentally ended up in Maryland
Me 16(M) and friend 15(M) where hanging out in our home town in NY. When he asked me if I could take us for a ride. I politely said "sure I'm down" and we started driving spent 6 hours in my truck. I look up at a sign that says leaving Maryland. I look over and pull over into a turn off and my buddy looks at me and says "what's the problem." I look at him and I say to him, "Do you know where we are?" He says in a snarky kind of way, "yes I know where we are." So I look at him gently and say "why didn't you say anything" he said I "told you when we left NY." So I sat their and had to call his parents and my parents to tell them that we wouldn't be home till midnight. They asked me why and I said In my kindest voice, "because I accidentally drove us to Maryland"
https://redd.it/15n43f8
@r_funnystories
I Scared Some Kids at a Cemetery
When I was in the 11th grade back in the early 90's, I had overhead some freshman kids talking about sneaking into the cemetery at night to see who can stay there the longest. They made plans for that Friday night and the cemetery they were talking about was the one near my parents house.
I heard enough of their plans to know they were going to sneak in on the side street as that side had a lower brick and wrought iron fencing. Their plan was to meet there at 10. I was sitting eating under a tree at school near them but was wearing my Walkman headphones but the music was off so I could hear their plans.
The night they were coming to the cemetery I went ahead of them and hid out on the back end of the mausoleum one of my friends was supposed to join me but chickened out.
I saw them coming towards the mausoleum and I sat down watching them from the corner and down a hallway. They brought candles and what looked like a home made Ouija board.
I waited until they got started and I had to keep myself from laughing so hard. I started to make moaning noises. They all stopped and started blaming each other. They had a little flash light and looked around. I then threw a rock towards them and one of the girls screamed. They were saying its just their imagination. They sat there looking around them kind of huddled together. I started moaning softly again they shined the light down my end but they didn't see me. I left that area incase they investigated and made my way outside towards the older headstone just in front of the mausoleum I was behind a statue.
The thing is I hand left the door to the back open and the wind must have made it close because I heard a slam and then I hear all of them scream and start to run out.
I did a zombie like run after them, I was dressed all in black but I am sure in the no light night they just saw a ghost chasing after them. They ran away screaming and I think one of the girls lost a shoe.
I went home laughing, to this day I never told them it was me.
https://redd.it/15lvil8
@r_funnystories
discord…
let a 30 year old man gaslight me (19f) for a month through discord, when I stopped wanting to call on the phone with him and told him that he somethings he did made me uncomfortable he asked if he should die 😅
https://redd.it/15kzw4l
@r_funnystories
My wife pre-licks the pickles
My wife and I have been married together for over 20 years. Over that time, we’ve made meals for each other. Now when we have sandwiches, we both like to have a pickle on the side; dill, spears, cocktail, etc. Now when I get a pickle for my wife, I’ll get the pickle out of the jar with a fork and then wrap the pickle in a napkin and put on her place. I wrap in a napkin so the pickle juice does get the sandwich or chips soggy.
However, I just recently realized when my wife would make a sandwich and place the pickle on my plate, it wasn’t wrapped in a napkin and the pickle wasn’t wet. So, one day I asked why. I was not prepared for what she told me.
She said that when she takes the pickle out of the jar, she would suck the pickle juice off the pickle before placing on my plate. I think she thought that was a perfectly normal action and was surprise by my expression of utter discussed. The thought of eating food that someone else has had in their month churned my stomach. She told me she had been doing that our entire marriage and never saw how it was wrong.
And while the initial shock has worn off, I’ve been married to this great woman for so long that it truly doesn’t bother me. So now I mess with her and anytime we have pickles I ask if they’ve been pre-licked. However, after telling our children of their mother’s action, they no longer want a pickle from her.
https://redd.it/15kx39v
@r_funnystories
Embarrassing Story - photographer edition
So, there was this one time I was talking to a client, and I totally messed up my words. I remember it so clearly because she didn't say anything, and I couldn't tell if she noticed my slip-up, but it's a moment that has stayed with me all this time.
Instead of saying I was gonna share a bunch of photos later tonight, I ended up saying I was gonna "photo dumb all over them." Luckily it was someone I knew...
Video about it here
https://redd.it/15jd18v
@r_funnystories
What is the dumbest or most embarrassing thing you've ever said or someone has said at the dinner table?
I was having dinner with some upper middle class, older, conservative folks, and my choice of conversation was:
"When I was pregnant, I didn't grow any hair on my legs. None. Whatsoever."
The look on their face. After 9 years, I can just smack myself and die of embarrassment when I think of it.
https://redd.it/15hum28
@r_funnystories
Im a weird virgin...
Ok so I (17f) am still a virgin. I never had a real boyfriend or something more than a talking stage. I went on multiple dates but none of them leads to something more ...
I am aware that im a pretty girls and a lot of my guy friends are into me but thats it.
The point is... ok this is going to be raw....
I give myself my own 0rgasm... like im so good at it i can legit make me cry from thr pleasure. I put some whimpering audios of men and i could go all day touching myself and giving myself the best time ever. I can do it with everything too: toothbrush, brush, fingers and even sex toy. The thing is... I nude alot with them... like I send nudes to atleast 10 guys ( not that I know) . But i feel like fucking is a fantasy. I dont wanna fuck since i think id be bored if I knew. The fact that i dont know that is it add some hotness,mysterious to it and it keeps me horny
Am i weird for waiting to stay a virgin a bit longer ?
https://redd.it/15fsclg
@r_funnystories
FUNNY STORY
I WENT TO A FANCY RESTAURANT AFTER CHURCH WITH MY CHURCH CLOTHES ON AND SAID TO THE WAITER "HEALTH INSPECTOR" SO SHE GETS HER MANAGER AND I TOLD HIM YOU GOT TROLLED AND APPARENTLY GOT FREE FOOD
https://redd.it/15er04c
@r_funnystories
My grandpas filter (or lack of)
I (16m) live with my grandparents for most of the summer and I’ve recently been looking for a second job. (I have a job working for a friend of my grandpa but it’s inconsistent) My grandpa knows a lot of people and as such he can offer me opportunities that other people cannot. An example of someone he knows is the owner at our local Burger King. Every morning he goes to this Burger King for coffee and a sandwich and he talks to the owner (she’s frequently at the restaurant) almost every time he goes there. He told her about my job search and how the McDonald’s down the road had just denied my application and she said he should bring me down and there’s a really good chance she’d hire me on the spot due to the reputation my grandpa has. He tells me about this and of course I agree to go in the next day for an interview. We get there and since he’s friends with everyone he ends up going in with me. Something you should know is my grandpa loves to talk and talk he did. I’m pretty sure he told the hiring manager more about me than I did. I was a bit annoyed but he told me it was already basically guranteed I had the job so I let him talk. Besides the manager didn’t seem to mind. Toward the end of the interview she started listing off rules after a couple she said this, “We don’t allow excessive hair colors, excessive tattoos, excessive makeup, facial hair, or anything like that.” My grandpa chimes in and says, “oh oh oh so you can’t be one of those.. uhhh whatcha call em’… transgenders!” Me and the manager locked eyes and she laughed while I sat there mortified. Definitely need to teach him a little political correctness 🤦♂️
https://redd.it/15c53hk
@r_funnystories
Drunk stranger slept in my bed when I was 5
I was 5 years old, sleeping, when a stranger suddenly laid down beside me. I was super confused and annoyed, went to wake up my mom, very calmly said "mom, there's a man in my bed." Half asleep she told me it was just a dream but I insisted it wasn't. She told me to go look again. I came back, calmly "mom, he's still there." She grunted and got up. As she approached my room she saw that our back door was open and she ran in to check. Yes. There was a guy. She screamed at him but he was so drunk and convinced it was his own room. She yelled at him to look at all the stuffed animals and My Little Pony bedding. There was a huge fight. He pushed my mom so I bit him pretty hard in his leg. It was chaos.
Eventually the police came and arrested him. He was 15 years old and lived in the apartment complex.
A few days later it knocked on our door. My big sister and I were home alone so we thought it was our mom. It was him. He came with chocolate and tried to apologise but we were absolutely terrified. Didn't take anything and shut the door as hard as we could.
Now I just think it's a funny story and I wish I could find him and tell him we're good, because I know he's still cringing about it to this day... And he probably has a scar on his leg to remind him
https://redd.it/15b7qfu
@r_funnystories
WHEN YOUR LITTERALY JUST PLAYING WITH YOUR TOYS
One time I was playing with my Legos at school. This girl comes over and is like play with me. Im like "Play what?" She says "We'll let's play with dolls." I'm just like "No sorry I don't like dolls." And so I'm building a makeshift skyscraper with my Legos and this girl knocks down my lego tower and says "WE WILL PLAY DOOOOOOOOOOLLLLSSSS!!" And then I'm like "NO. I DONT LIKE DOLLS PLEASE STOP! AND WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO MY SKYSCRAPER!" Then she has the audacity to throw the lego tub that was filled with Legos across the class room and revved her dolls and threw them where the Legos were. BREH. Then I go get the tape and scissors tape the dolls mouth and cut off its head with the scissors....
https://redd.it/15a4px1
@r_funnystories
“Surprise bro!” I was amazed to find Mike sitting at my office. “I
took a damn taxi and got here quickly, my wife is going to kill me. I
need to head back immediately after the meeting. I spoke with
Max, our web guy, and were just doing a WebView. He is building
it as we speak” A WebView allows you to display a website in any
mobile app, without seeing the site address, making it feel a
native app. It’s something startups usually do, but not when they
have dedicated iOS developers. It’s really easy to build and can be
done in minutes.
“Beer is on you when I get back, bro, you owe me one!” Me and
Mike were sitting in the meeting room, me in my polo shirt and
mike in his suit. “I can’t believe you actually came Mike, you are a
life saver!” Bill was hugging Mike and introduced to us the
investor. Mike kept going on in the meeting about the advantages
of the hybrid approach, which is why we developed the iOS app
with the WebView. He actually made it sound real. Bill and the
investor were so impressed, and the investor kept saying how
important it is for startups to use their resources wisely. Bill and
the investor agreed to start a due diligence in the week after, and
Bill told him we need 5M$ to start marketing.
I called Dana to share with her the great news. “Joe, the bank
called and some company from India charged our credit card
10,000$ for development services….” OUCH! I felt the next crisis
coming… at least I'll get to keep my job.
HAPPY HACKING FOLKS!!!!
https://redd.it/159anym
@r_funnystories
in India was nice
and polite, and the company even had a website. He took the call
immediately, and sounded professional. But they wanted to get
750$ in advance, before sending me the app. This amount is not a
big deal for our company, but it’s above 500$, which meant I had
to get CFO approval and only he could pay for the deal. The CFO
was very good friends with the CEO, and it felt too risky for me. I
knew for a fact that he would ask me for the company website
address, and he will find out pretty fast what they do. I couldn’t
afford the risk of him calling our CEO and asking him why we are
outsourcing to India, which is something we never did before.
“Seriously, you asked Sarah to take them? You know I don’t trust
her” My wife was on to me. “I can’t even trust you to do this one
small thing and help me a little on such a bad day, I can’t believe
you! I cancelled Sarah, go now and take them!” I was completely
high, with no real solution before the demo tomorrow at 10:30.
And now I have to go and drive while i’m stoned and get the kids.
I felt like the walls were closing on me, but I couldn’t tell Dana (my
wife) what a mess I was into. I was sure she will just judge and
second guess me.
There was no way I could drive while high, so I ordered a taxi. I
was sitting in the taxi in complete panic, with no clue what to do. I
kept calling Mike but he did not even answer, just sent me an
automated response that he will call me later. Even if I get the app
from India in time for the meeting, what if the Investor will ask to
see a specific feature like real time notifications, or history of
items a buyer purchased? But it was my only way out. I kept
dialing the CFO number, and hang up each time. It’s too much of a
risk! I decided to pay out of my own pocket. 750 dollars is a lot of
money for me, but at the time it looked like a small sum that
would help me save my career.
I called the guy in India and he picked up immediately. I had to
give him my credit card details over the phone, something I never
do. I only pay online using Paypal or a secure online form.
Within 10 minutes I got the link to download the app source code,
and I forwarded it to Jack immediately. “You need to build it with
XCODE and get it running. When you have it ready, send me to
test”. I was now completely depended on a guy that smokes weed
every day and could not program a simple login screen in 6
months.
I got home while still completely high and paranoid, without Dana
knowing anything of what I was going through. “Joe, I want a
bigger house. 4 bedrooms doesn’t cut it for me anymore! You need
to ask for a raise! You work so hard at a successful startup, you
are under paid! I take out the kids every day and I bust my ass
around the house so you can work all this long hours.” Dana was
completely clueless to the fact that I spend my most evenings
drinking beer with Mike and I am working at a startup that does
not have any real customers.
I kept calling Jack to hear to see if he was able to make some
progress, but it kept going to his voicemail. I tried opening my old
MAC computer to try and tried and get the app built and running,
but I could not even get XCODE installed. I kept pacing back and
forth at my living room, kept checking my phone to see if Mike or
Jack called me back. My 3 years old son threw my phone charger
from our balcony, which wasn’t a great help. “You keep waking
me up, just go to sleep!” Dana shouted from the bedroom. “Dead
in the water” is what I felt. It was 01:00 AM and I needed a
miracle at the meeting tomorrow.
I woke up the next morning with completely no battery on my
phone. I couldn't even check if Jack or Mike called
One day in a developer life…
I was on my way to the office when I got a call from Bill, the CEO
at a startup company I was working in: “Joe, We have a huge
meeting tomorrow with an investor, and he wants to see the
iPhone app, it is ready, right?”
Needless to say that our iOS app was not nearly ready, as Jack,
our iOS developer, was going through a hard time with his
girlfriend, and was practically doing nothing at work but smoking
weed all day and crying to every person he can find available.
But at every conference meeting, my boss Mike, the development
manager, kept telling the entire management team that the iOS
app is ready.
“Anyway no one is going to look at it, all of those managers are
not technical, we have deep pockets, the idea is bad, don’t worry
about it”
This what I kept hearing from him. He made the entire
management of the company believe the iOS app is working, just
so he can look good.
We were developing an app for a big grocery store. The app was
supposed to provide real time alerts to buyers and offer them
products, according to items they already bought. The idea was
not so realistic, but our CEO sold in to a big investor in New York
that had very deep pockets that invested 15M to get us through
the development.
We were a team of 10 developers, 3 guys in-charge of the
algorithm and database of the app, and the rest were frontend
developers.
I was the most senior mobile developer, but Android was my
expertise, not so much iPhone. As the development manager was
away for holiday with his family, I was the one the CEO called
before the big meeting.
“It’s mostly ready, Jack has done a good job. We still need to run
more QA tests, but generally it’s quite ready”.
Mike was my friend. We went almost every evening to a beer
together, and we kept laughing at the company’s product, and
how lucky we are to work at such a company with such deep
pockets and no real management. I thought that telling
management that the iOS app is ready all this time was risky, but
it looked like no-one really cared. One day we found out that the
database was down for 5 days without anyone even noticing it.
We had a store that was beta testing the product, but they didn’t
even notice.
I had to backup Mike when Bill called. I didn’t know what “See the
iPhone app” really meant at practice, but there was no way I could
tell him the truth.
“I need it up and running 100% for the meeting tomorrow. Mike
has been telling me for the last few months that it’s ready, and I
understood you are also part of that team. I need you to come
tomorrow to the meeting and present it. And it can’t look bad or
crash!”
I was sitting at my office, my heart was pounding. Mike
mentioned my name in the management meetings related to the
iPhone app? He never told me that! and now I have 24 hours to
come to a meeting that is crucial for our CEO and most likely look
like a fool.
“Honey, I am not feeling so well today. Can you take the kids from
school and maybe go the park with them for a few hours?”. If I
thought before that I have 24 hours, it just turned to 5 hours as
my wife asked me to take out the kids.
I immediately started texting all our babysitters, and none were
available excluding one, that my wife does not really appreciate.
But I had no alternative, I had to stay in the office for at least 12
hours and figure something out.
“You think these stupid investors will really understand what you
are showing them?” Mike was taking things easy, as always. “You
might as well show them any iPhone app and tell them it’s our
work, they’ll believe you. Don’t sweat it, just make an app that
shows the
Does anyone have any funny stories based off a dumb decision made by a sibling or friend?
https://redd.it/15nqyi4
@r_funnystories
How I changed the behavior of the tenants in my building, using gamification.
AKA “how I become a trash room influencer”:
https://uxplanet.org/how-i-changed-the-behavior-of-the-tenants-in-my-building-using-gamification-2771fd9df47e
https://redd.it/15m81ip
@r_funnystories
6 years ago I hit on emts in an ambulance and took a picture with them
Okay I was 16 and have had seizures from 8-18 years (I have 3 types of seizures and also autistic) one day it was a lazy day and I was on a step stool to reach for a cup as I’m 4’11”. My twin comes downstairs and sees my feet hanging out of the kitchen and found me flopping like a fish having a seizure. EMTS come and take me away while my sister is mad that she didn’t dress up cause they looked like Calvin clein models. I woke up in the back of the ambulance with my phone in my lap and me being on a million sedatives the most logical thing comes to mind and what do I do?
I unlock my phone and take a picture from the back of an ambulance sending it to my friends asking if they knew why I’m in here. Then I look down and notice I have heart monitors but I was in sweats and a tank with no bra on and what’s the logical thing that comes to my mind? I look at all of them and say, “ I could charge y’all for SA but you all are hot so I won’t complain.” But they were in tears of laughter and the oddest part is we all exchanged numbers and became friends. I don’t remember this part too well but I was telling them the EMTS needed raises saying what happened and how funny they were.
The funniest part was to all of us how little I didn’t care as I had a concussion, bruises on my face cause i face slammed my counter, dishwasher and tile floor. The greatest part was the EMTS and hangout and talk still and we will go out to the bar and places with their girlfriends, wives and my fiancé and on the anniversary of it aka today have to tell the legend of “the worlds craziest patient”.
https://redd.it/15ljyih
@r_funnystories
1 year old slaps navy core man
My mom told me about this today. Back when I was one we lived on a military base and I had to get my vaccines. When it was time for me to get my shots the navy core guy said it wasn't gonna hurt and would be over quickly.
It did hurt.
Once he was done he asked if I wanted a sticker. I put my hand out and he leaned down, thinking I was gonna grab the sticker. I slapped him then grabbed the sticker. My mom and the guy were shocked. The guy said he deserved that and my mom found it hilarious.
https://redd.it/15l0nau
@r_funnystories
How I saved a life with CPR by Cupcake
I live in a small suburban neighborhood, and a group of my friends were gathered for a joyful evening. I had a deep passion for music and had recently learned CPR by attending a course that emphasized the importance of rhythm and timing.
Foreshadowing, my knowledge would be put to the test. Suddenly, Sarah(my best friend) fell to the ground, clutching her chest and gasping for air. Panic and confusion filled the air as Sarah's life was in imminent danger.
In a moment of clarity, I sprang into action. I quickly assessed the situation, confirming that Sarah's breathing had stopped, and she had lost consciousness. Drawing upon my CPR training, I remembered the course instructor's advice to find a beat that matched the recommended rhythm of chest compressions.
In that critical moment, my mind raced through songs until she settled on the catchy tune of "CPR" by a popular artist named Cupcake. As I played the initial notes while singing the song, shock filled the air. It starts off, “No quick head in my bed I can’t have that. I want that long neck not talking giraffe neck.”
I placed my hands on Sarah's chest and began CPR to the beat of the song. I moaned at every single moan and rapping every single lyric. The music guided my compressions, ensuring that I maintained a good compression rate of 100-120 bpm.
I continued to perform CPR in synchronization with the song for a while, but as soon as the song started saying, “A little faster… a little more” and the moans started, I started to moan with it (uh.. Uhhhhhhh…. uhhhhhhhhhhh) and almost gave up. But I saw Sarah's color began to return, and her breathing gradually resumed. The combination of the rhythmic compressions and the sweet sound of CPR by Cupcake seemed to have a profound effect, jump-starting Sarah's heart and restoring her to life.
Furthermore, news of this miraculous event spread like wildfire, capturing the attention of the wider community. People began to see CPR in a different light, realizing that it can be performed by the song CPR by Cupcake. Sarah and I became a lesbian couple and would have sex with this song to show our bond. I hope my story gets out to people that CPR by Cupcake can save lives and so can you.
Here is the song, so you can practice the rhythm to the beat: https://youtu.be/AbV08VvlQ?t=15
https://redd.it/15k2zwc
@r_funnystories
Thrift Store Story
I was waiting outside the bathroom/fitting room at my local thrift store for like 5 minutes to use the toilet while some lady (I'll call her Karen) was trying on clothes. An older lady came over and was waiting behind me to use the restroom and got so impatient she knocked on the door then walked away. About a minute later Karen came out and looked at me and my 4 year old and said "You guys need to be patient!" I said "Sorry, but I'm not the one who knocked." Then the lady who DID knock walked back over, pointed at the pile of clothes Karen had been trying on and said " YOU need to follow the rules of only trying on 3 items at a time." 🤣 Not only did Karen have like a dozen items in her hand but there were like 10 more left behind in the bathroom.
https://redd.it/15j0anb
@r_funnystories
My Mother's Russian Neighbour
So this story isn't mine but my mother's from when she was in her early 20s.
She had a pet cat she named Octopus, she also had a Russian neighbor that lived next door. One day he's over for some reason and picks up her cat and goes "why you call him Octopus? He's cat! See, four legs!"
And my Mom goes "Because. Octo-pus"
The neighbour then says "but he no Octopus he cat! See four legs, not eight. He cat"
"No-no. In English, pussy cat is another word for cat. So I called him Octo-pus"
"No-no he cat. He have 4 legs, count them. 1-2-3-4. Not 8, 4 legs, he cat!"
"No. Octo-pus. Pussy cat, puss"
"BUT HE HAVE FOUR LEGS. HE CAT!"
https://redd.it/15ga20a
@r_funnystories
Worst first day ever
https://redd.it/15f1le0
@r_funnystories
Arcade poo
As crazy as this sounds, this is a real story!
I went to an arcade with my family, this was a big brand arcade company (dave and busters) with tons of people, so the culprit was hidden. I was playing a game and when I finished my family and I smelled something foul. I said to my family ” does anyone else smell that?” They all said they did, it was a poo like smell, it got stronger as a woman holding a baby walked by, so we all thought ohhh it’s probably the baby. We were wrong.
We walked over towards the new VR game and the smell came back again. I just ignored it and walked to the game to try it and as I was about to step to the game and scan my arcade card to play it, I looked down and realized a big old poo was right next to my shoe. I ran away from it fast. My family was playing a game right near me, I told them ” there is a poo nxt to the VR game!” They thought I was crazy at first but then my brother almost fell over laughing as he saw it. Others walked by and noticed the smell and soon a small crowd of probably 10 people formed around the poo. At first we theorized it was a poo from a puppy, but the arcade didn’t allow animals in. Then we theorized it was a poo from a baby, but it was to big for it to have came from a child. This was an adult poo.
Someone let maintenance know and they set up caution tape around the VR game and the poo. Then the jainitors came and simply swept the feces into a bin and then sprayed cleaner on the spot, later I bet they got rid of the carpet in that spot so. After that everyone just went back to playing games and yea.
https://redd.it/15c4bg1
@r_funnystories
Why I hate hornd cattel
I was visiting my buddy in Virginia with my brother and we decided to check some trail games with his dad so while we were going to check Trail cams here's the bad thing about it one it was surrounded by a fence too it was humongous we had to hop offense three there was thousands of horn cattle in there as we're walking to the trail cam in all brown horned cattle runs up on us we're going to call him Lucifer anyways he was with the King the reason it was the king is cuz it had the biggest horns and it was alive the longest anyway so Lucifer and the King kept on chasing us we nearly died there was a sense part where they couldn't get through but they could easily break it down so I hoped that everyone else got out except for my other friend he was by the fence that had the thorns and stuff on it he had to help that with one foot he got scraped up pretty bad me on the other hand almost all of them were banging at the fence nearly breaking it down I had to make a run for it so I hopped the fence and then I slid beneath the other friends and made it back to safety the funny thing is we even met her selves purple hearts leaving went there next the next day but nothing bad happened goodbye
https://redd.it/15bctkr
@r_funnystories
SHY MOMENT
I loved the dress that I bought at a flea market. It fit perfectly, and the skirt was a swirl of intricate pleats. I wore it confidently to an evening party and glowed when a woman exclaimed, “Oh, how stunning!” Yes, I was grinning from ear to ear, until she added cheerfully, “Hang on to it, honey. Pleats will come back someday.”
https://redd.it/15akmae
@r_funnystories
Why my friend doesn't buy his wife flowers.
Working at a bar for a nice couple, one valentine's day the waitresses boyfriend brought in roses for her.
The owners wife playfully hits him with a hand towel and asks why he never buys her flowers. (He got her a nice bracelet) After she walks away he turns to me, smiles and asks "wanna see why i never buy her flowers?" Her birthday was in march, so he buys her a big expensive bunch of flowers i can't name.
Well his wife used to be a flourist, and the second she gets her hand on them she starts "oh my god! What did they do? They've just thrown these together at random, look at the poor stems? Did they cut these with a butter knife? The petals are wilting already, didn't they do anything to keep these cold?"
She didn't even notice me and her husband laughing until she was done roasting these flowers like she was on comedy central. He then went to the car to get her actual present and all was ok, she was a little embarrassed but understood why it was so funny.
https://redd.it/159puv8
@r_funnystories
me back, and I
had to wake up my kids and get them ready to school and
daycare. Dana was sleeping late as usual, and I had a terrible
headache. I started going at 07:15 to knock at neighbors doors to
see if they have an iPhone charger. I was able to finally find a
charger after I saw some angry faces of people I actually woke up.
I went back home just to find out that my son woke up and as
morning exercise threw eggs all over the the kitchen and woke up
Dana. “Seriously Joe, where the hell did you go?” Dana was not a
very big help. I was able to charge my phone and somehow get
the kids dressed. “I couldn’t get the app running, it gives me tons
of errors. I’ll try to figure out something tomorrow morning” This
is the text I got from Jack. I felt my heart pounding and felt like I
was going to faint right then and there. I felt my mouth was
completely dry.
“Joe, you have to confess. At least you’ll save Bill the
embarrassment” I finally found some courage and told Dana. I
almost started to cry, but Dana words made sense to me. My only
way out was to tell Bill that I have nothing. I decided to call Bill on
my way to the office and tell him the truth. I took my kids and
went to my my underground parking, just to find out the car isn’t
there. Of-course not! I took a taxi home…
I quickly called for a taxi and took my kids. I decided to tell Mike
before confronting Bill. “NO WAY MAN! Bill will kill the both of us.
You think this confession will do him any good? You think he will
tell it to the investor? No way he can afford to look like such a
clown. You need to be creative Joe, it’s just one meeting. We can
find a solution”. I couldn't believe Mike was so relaxed. “I’ll do
some thinking and give you a call, don’t do anything in the mean
time, just go to the office and drink coffee or something”
I got to office at 09:00, 1.5 hours before the meeting. I met Jack
downstairs, smoking weed as usual. “Sorry Bro, I had a big fight
with Rachel (His girlfriend) yesterday evening. She is saying I have
to stop smoking and all. I tried to compile what India sent at about
03:00 AM but the stupid thing kept failing at me man, I completely
let you down.”
We have a serious parking problem in the office, but that day the
parking felt even more packed. “One of our neighbors is doing a
customer event or something, I am not too sure” Jack told me. We
have one guest parking in the office, and it was also taken. How
can the investor park? “Don’t worry, Bill called me early in the
morning and I'm saving a space for his fancy guest” I was talking
with doormen downstairs, Ron, which is a good friend of mine.
“That’s your solution right there Joe” Jack started being creative
again “Just ask Ron to tell the big investor there’s no parking… no
way he can find parking anywhere around here in such an hour, he
is probably this big business man that would get pissed or
something and leave… Even if he will try to find parking, it could
take him about 20 minutes… that reduces the chances he would
have time for your demo” I couldn’t believe I was actually
considering this crazy idea. But Mike was not calling me back and I
felt I have no way out.
Ron actually agreed and asked to be compensated with 100$ by
Paypal. It was 09:23, and I told him I would give him my final
answer by 10:00. I asked him to give me an heads up if the
investor showed up before.
I called Dana again “Just tell bill you are sick or something and you
can’t make it” Her solution actually seemed easy, but people
already saw me in the office. And me not being there will not
necessarily help, as Bill is likely ask some other guy to come to the
meeting and present the app.
product name and logo and that’s pretty much it”
“But what if they have a technical team? What if the investor is a
young guy that loves apps and loves playing with them? Mike, you
can’t be serious. I can’t come to the meeting with an app that has
absolutely no functionality, it has to do something, show
something, login page… I don’t know”
“Joe, don’t sweat it bro. Just find out who’s coming to the
meeting, find them on Linkedin, and I am sure you will find a
bunch of old and bored rich people, that barely know their own
name. If you find someone technical in the meeting, let me know“”
Mike hang up and I was sitting in shock in my office. What if Bill
will be on to me? What if he checks our JIRA boards and see
nothing has been in the last 6 months? My career is over and I’ll
never get a recommendation. I can’t afford not to work with 3
small kids and a mortgage.
I found out only one guy was coming to the meeting, a wealthy
business man that owns a few grocery stores of his own. It looked
like he came from a rich family, and was an investor most of his
life. He looked about 50 years of age, and very sharp. Mike was
right — he does not look technical, and he is also not bringing any
technical person with him to the meeting. While it’s good news, it
also suggests that the meeting will be very intimate, and most
likely I will have an important role in the meeting, which is exactly
what I wanted to avoid.
I went ahead and tried to find Jack, to see how bad things really
are. I mean, he was working on the damn app for 6 months. He
must have something. “Dude, I’m completely lost. I can’t get
myself to focus. I come to work every day but I'm so depressed. I
tried to do the login screen, but it keeps returning random errors
when I send the request to our server”. I could not believe he
literally did not do anything.
“You are stuck for 6 months and you didn’t let anyone know?
Didn’t ask for help? I don’t get you man” I started to realize how
bad things really are, and that I have less than 24 hours to present
total bullshit at the meeting.
“I went a few times to Mike, but he could not care less. I tried to
setup a meeting with the backend team, but they didn’t return my
calls or emails. I screwed up, man. I’m sorry. I’m surprised it took
management this long to notice.”
“I want us to go and see the 5 bedroom apartment tomorrow
morning” My wife was texting me. She is thinking how to upgrade
to a bigger home, without realizing I might be out of work soon.
“I’m sorry Joe, it’s my bad. Don’t sweat it, will figure some demo
app for the meeting that will kick ass. We just need to be creative.
Let’s smoke weed, it will totally help us focus and think of creative
ideas”. Being high and Paranoid, exactly what I needed at the
time. But anyway I was totally lost, and felt I could use a break.
Me and Jack went to the park near the office and started smoking
together. That stuff was pretty strong, and I was completely high.
“Dude, I have a friend that was also developing an iOS application
for an investor meeting, and he bought this template from a
company in India for like nothing, 1500$. They made it look totally
professional with the company logo and also graphs and all. I’m
sure it will be good enough for the small demo tomorrow”. It turns
out Jack can actually do some thinking when he is forced to. His
idea sounded a little crazy, and I started to get paranoid from the
weed. “Can you talk to your friend and get me the phone number
of the guys in India?”
“Yes sir, 1500$ for a great iPhone app with the complete source
code, you just send me the company name and logo, I'll send you
the download link within 10 minutes”. The guy
Found a Rabbit
I'm literally laughing okay so. I have a paranoia disorder and I felt super unsafe at home at the moment. the current time is 4:13 a.m and I'm sitting outside my gf's house and there's just somebodies pet rabbit chilling out here and idk what to do 🧍♂️ my partner is a bunny expert but will not wake up
I would definitely post a picture if this subreddit let me because this is so odd??? wtf do I do 😭
https://redd.it/1594a3y
@r_funnystories