I fantasize about committing suicide with someone
Nothing,that’s it
Sometimes I just really wish I could have someone to end myself with. Not because I’m scared to do it on my own,but rather because I wish for a final act of feeling something intimate with someone
https://redd.it/1rp5kul
@r_suicidewatch
Should I cut myself
Just too worried about everything
https://redd.it/1rp3je1
@r_suicidewatch
Not being Able to Afford a Car is making me suicidal
I haven't had a car in nearly a year and I cannot afford one at all because all my money goes to bills. Its seriously starting to make me suicidal. I genuinely feel like a second class citizen. I can't even hang out with my friends because I have no way of getting anywhere!! And no one wants hang out with the bum friend with no car and always needs to get picked up. The public transportation in my city is completely unreliable, dirty, and unsafe. Its constantly late or sometimes just doesn't even show up at all. I cant even ride a bike because I WILL get hit by a car. Its not even a "might get hit", there is a 100% chance I will get hit by a car riding a bike. Not to mention summer is coming up and I live in a city that gets super hot during the summer so add heat stroke to the bike riding option as well. I'm really not seeing the point of even trying anymore. I cant hang out with my friends bc I have no car, cant get to school bc I have no car, cant get a better job bc I have no car. I feel like a second class citizen. I have so much shit to do this week and I cant get to any of it bc I have no way of getting there.
https://redd.it/1rox5rf
@r_suicidewatch
idk how to keep going
i just don’t know how to keep feeling like this. everything feels heavy in a way i can’t explain, like i’m stuck inside my own head with no way to step outside for air. i keep wishing for relief, for a pause, for something to make the noise stop for a little while. it scares me how trapped i feel sometimes, i just want the pain to let go of me long enough to remember how living is supposed to feel. i wish i could escape myself. i’ve had 4 failed attempts so far this year i am planning to do it again tonight
https://redd.it/1rox2gn
@r_suicidewatch
Tomorrow I won't exist. PTSD, guilt, and suicide.
Feeling helpless. So tomorrow I won't be here. Yeah I'm too physically and mentally broken to recover. I've lost both parents and my brother (still alive, but I can't see them anymore). I have chronic pain everywhere and I don't even know what I'm living for. I suffer from severe PTSD. I've been working on it with therapists but I'm feeling worse and worse by the day. There's not a single day that I don't get flashbacks or have a panic attack. When I do, everything goes blurry and I can't move like I'm a deer in headlights. I hyperventilate until I pass out. Then I wake up shortly after, feeling so shameful and hopeless. I walk around like a zombie staring at the ground. Nothing has changed. Nobody in my life cares if I live or die. So I've decided to leave. Tonight just me at the train tracks.
https://redd.it/1roq3yn
@r_suicidewatch
im getting bullied again
girls in middle school are so fucking mean i hate my life and want to end it, why is the world like this i ahte it so so much here why the fuck did he ever touch me i want out i need to kms so so bad:( the girls are so mean
https://redd.it/1roqs9d
@r_suicidewatch
Just implied on national television they’re gonna bring the US draft back
I’m gonna down a bunch of pills tonight.
Not doing this anymore.
https://redd.it/1roo7it
@r_suicidewatch
i wouldn’t do it if someone cared
but nobody’s gonna reply nobody give a fuck about me
i sound like such a pick me i don’t care because nobody is seeing this
https://redd.it/1rofe1g
@r_suicidewatch
I wanna kill myself, I'm not depressed.
As I said, I'm not depressed. I still feel joy, and I can't say I hate life. I have many things I love to do, like learning languages or drawing, and I have a friend who loves and cares for me just as I love and care for him.
I'm not depressed, I just want to die. I tried to kill myself before by OD, turned out I didn't take enough pills, that's why I'm still here. I told my friend about everything, he seemed so hurt so I couldn't bring myself to do it again. But now I think about it, after a bit of a time he will be fine.
I wish people can take it casually when I say I wanna die, why does it have to be a big deal? I don't get it. Like I still enjoy life, I just don't wanna live, it's not difficult to understand, right?
Trying to delay my second attempt cuz maybe, just maybe I will be able to waste my life on something useful, like somebody else's life. Maybe I can die while saving somebody, this way I won't die while being completely useless lol.
I am NOT depressed.
https://redd.it/1robbh3
@r_suicidewatch
this world has gone mad
i know it’s always been bad, but literally what the fuck. i start my first job tomorrow, but literally for what. there’s innocent people being bombed and dying, the rich are destroying this amazing planet and i’m just expected to keep going and “do my best” to give them more money and survive because that’s just the system. my family is obese and obsessed with their phones, so brainwashed and i could be hurting myself and they’d only ask about my job, this summer will be exceptionally hot as always, maybe climate change will wipe me out. what the fuck is this place? how can i leave peacefully? i want to know how to die in my sleep, this makes no sense.
https://redd.it/1roec5m
@r_suicidewatch
I can’t i can’t i can’t i can’t i can’t i can’t i can’t i can’t
I’m an 18 year old guy with autism, and my mental health has already gone to complete dogshit. I live in a constant state of fear. Fear of people, fear of what’s gonna happen seeing the current state of the world and fact that the folks running countries are a bunch of stupid elderly cunts. I can’t keep on living life and doing my hobbies with these thoughts in my head. I’ve felt this way ever since i was 13. I want to kill myself
https://redd.it/1ri06cn
@r_suicidewatch
I hate being trans
I will never be a woman. Male puberty has done irreversible damage to my body. I hate everything about myself. I hate my voice, I hate my face, I hate my bone structure. Hate, hate, hate. That's all I can do with my pathetic existence. I hate other 'trans' people who were able to transition earlier than me. Even though I'm only 18, male puberty still defiled my body. They don't know how good they fucking have it. Having supportive parents and friends who unconditionally love them. Being able to pass and blend in perfectly with other cis people. I hate how they use the trans label as a form of self expression rather than a debilitating medical condition I have lived with all my life. Hrt is such a fucking joke. Shit's basically a placebo unless you started pre-puberty. I genuinely don't see any point in living if it's already over.
https://redd.it/1rhrrhi
@r_suicidewatch
Decided against ending it all on new year's
I thought for a while about it. I then thought about my younger self and how she would be sad to know I died so early. She hoped to be a police officer, and wanted to be a strong, independent woman. So I decided I'm going to be the person I wanted to be and I put the pills back in the cabinet. I then joined my family for new year's and had a great time, and now I can confidently say after two months of more intensive therapy, I know everything will be okay.
https://redd.it/1rhorsk
@r_suicidewatch
I'm finally going to be ready soon
I simply cannot take this pain anymore. It's gone on too long. I held on for as long as I possibly could. I need to go before my dog does, and join my dad and grandparents. Goodbye.
https://redd.it/1rhk7gx
@r_suicidewatch
Im a terrible person and I fucking deserve to die
For the record I struggle with social cues and basic social understanding due to autism
I recently I stopped hanging out with this friend group that I used to hang out with. Due to a incident where one of them got really drunk and tried to fight me.
And some of my other friends also hang out with that friend group. I found out through one of them that there was a rumor that I was a pervert. I asked one of my friends to ask about this rumor to set friend group. And they revealed that ive actually done some really bad things without even knowing or thinking im helping.
For example I really like hugs because they comfort me when I’m overstimulated. I asked for hugs before with that friend group but always with consent. But I also like giving compliments to people to lift up their spirits and stuff. But I never asked if it was okay for me to compliment one of them and she thought I was hitting on her. And there was another time where I tried helping another girl in the group that I was relatively close with at the time. With her cosplay and bra and adjusted without asking for consent. And I didn’t even realize until now was bad.
Now that they all really dislike me. And I can’t tell all my other friends outside the group. Because then everyone will know I have sexually harassed someone on two occasions. And thought myself as the victim cuz of the incident was really scary for me. Even tho they told me not go there where they where gonna drink. Even tho they never told me they where gonna drink.
So my plan is to go to the place where they hang out. Apologize to them for being a piece of shit waste of a human being and after that I’ll just do the world a fucking favor and kill myself so I don’t do another horrible thing without knowing.
https://redd.it/1rhinr3
@r_suicidewatch
I wish I'm alrdy dead
🔫
https://redd.it/1rp47vy
@r_suicidewatch
I WANT TO DIEEE
(19M)I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I AM A WORTHLESS STUPID USELESS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT I SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN BORN I AM A ROTTING SLUG ON MY BED ALL DAY I LAY AND DO NOTHING I WILL NOT STOP HITTING MYSELF UNTILL I DIE I CANT GO TO A DOCTOR NEITHER TO A THERAPIST BECAUSE I HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY. I AM A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT A WASTE OF SPACE AND A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. I SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN BORN.
https://redd.it/1rp0jbx
@r_suicidewatch
I really wanna kms now
Dad: Narcissistic piece of shi. Abused us all financially, emotionally, physically, mentally and sexually.
Mom: Victim mindset, enabled dad, depressed, helpless, trauma bonded w dad, sick.
Brother: Arrogant, Egoistic and Unavailable.
Sister: Periodic Empathetic but losing patience with me now.
I've been depressed since 2016 bc of my dad's abuse, I'm now 26F, it's been 10 years that I've been fighting my suicidal thoughts. After sexual assault at workplace that happened in May 2025, I had to leave my job and ever since I've been in ⁹major depression. I've fought each day and contemplated whether to do it or not. I know it's not the right thing to do but my sick brain keeps telling me its the best thing to do.
I got prescription on Saturday and was suggested regular therapy. I cannot find myself leave my dysfunctional family because I have endometriosis, I will need someone to look after me during my tough days. Also because my parents never let us go outside, always kept us with them saying we will be lost outside and won't be able to live alone so all the school stuff and jobs etc, I had to do it where my parents lived. One time, I tried to go abroad and my dad emotionally tortured me saying they'll die here and I'll be enjoying abroad. I'm indian and indians tend to associate self worth with employment, my family have been pushing me to either get a job or get married. They don't want me anymore because having an adult woman at parents house is somehow shameful for them.
I cant talk to my dad and brother, both have male ego of an infinite level. They're both misogynistic and I blame mom too for enabling both. Idk what to do. Pls share your thoughts, I really want to kms. I can't do this anymore. I don't want to get married but I'm also stuck in career. I'm battling depression and no one from my family seems to support me. Mom and sister supported in the beginning but both are running out of patience. No one seems to understand me and I'm at rock bottom now.
https://redd.it/1rowzrl
@r_suicidewatch
not making it out of here alive
19M
Since I’ve been getting older now Ive been thinking about this a lot more but since I was little I’ve known for a long time that I never stood a chance as a full grown adult.
I possess no characteristics necessary to survive in present day society. I am weak and fragile. I have weird sensitivities to asymmetry and certain types of trash and noises that don’t seem to bother anyone else. I cannot function if my daily schedule gets thrown off somehow. I have a hyper intense fear of rejection and humiliation and have tried for many years but have no ability to overcome it. I am just at my core and un confident person who will always shrink and cower.
I have no redeeming qualities. I am not smart, I am not handsome, I am not good at socializing. I have nothing to live for or to look forward to. There is no hobby or interest of mine that keeps me looking forward to staying alive and enjoying it. I’m numb to all of it, it’s all gray and bleak to me now.
These days I’m in so much pain mentally I can’t even get through most days without scratching myself until I BLEEEd to stop the mental pain. Everyone including my therapist is like “nnoooo don’t do itttt” like fuck you if u felt anything about how bad my pain was you’d do it too. It’s a survival thing for me.
This university is the last safe place for me. Everyone is friendly to me and I’m allowed to have flaws without being punished. The real world is cruel and unforgiving.
I tell people often that this place is a paradise and that I would live here forever if I could. But they think I’m joking, I’m not. I’m going to live here forever in a manner of speaking. Very soon any day now I am going to die.
I’m going to die here. Pretty soon any day now I am going to end it all. That way I will live here forever. I never have to set foot into the real world. I am never making it to that graduation ceremony.
This world isn’t made for me. I wasn’t supposed to be born. I don’t ever want to interact with it. I’m safe here and I’m never leaving.
Just needed to get all this off my chest these are thoughts I’ve had over the last month
I love you all, take care
https://redd.it/1rov02o
@r_suicidewatch
I am leaving today
I (F27) have decided to leave today.
I have done too many stupid things recently and feel so ashamed of all of them that I rather just die than have to think about it over and over again for the rest of my life.
Is funny because never ever had a boyfriend, never travelled, never did any drugs, never smoke, nothing, a very boring and unremarkable life, that I decided to ruin by believing it was more than that (started acting like a bitch for not reason as soon as I got a good job LMAO moved from my parents house, treated them like shit, got crazy basically), but now I am going to die in my family house anyways since I had to move back due to those stupid decisions I mentioned before.
Anyways, I have being reading the posts here for a while and wanted to say something before leaving. I feel sad but also like is kinda the only solution, because I really cannot live with myself.
I hope that the One Piece live action is not that good since I am going to miss it
I will use a water hose to hang myself, wish me luch.
https://redd.it/1rory4x
@r_suicidewatch
Wanting to die after falling in love with someone I’m attracted to as an Autistic/ADHD person
I’ve been in love before, I’ve dated *a lot*, and I’ve had a lot of partners.
Before I never really dated someone I was attracted to because I knew it would be too intense
Last month, I took a risk and did just that.
He was the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, and I was so deeply attracted to him inside and out.
He was so silly, sensitive, caring, fun.
Strangers stopped us on the street and said to us, “I want what you have” and “I’m so jealous of both of you”. I’ve never experienced anything like that in my life.
When I was around him, I felt friendly. I wanted to talk to people. Because of many factors, that’s not who I am.
I felt like we were the hottest couple everywhere we went.
It was the most intense relationship.
Every time we saw each other we’d end up crying happy tears and talking until 4am
So much chemistry. We fucked in a public bathroom because we couldn’t make it to a private space in time.
He told me he loved me and wanted me to be his partner 3 weeks in.
I made a mistake and mentioned I might want kids in the future, and also mentioned I have a breeding kink.
He got scared that I wanted kids with him. I didn’t. I tried my best to clarify. He had a 5 hour panic attack
At 4 weeks we broke up.
It was too intense for him. He hadn’t really been in many relationships before. He felt like he was too fucked up to be with me.
I don’t know if I can ever heal from this.
I’m so scared I’m going to lose everything I worked so hard for.
I’m a very successful professional and own my business. I’m the only person who can do my job
When I go outside I start sobbing and shaking
I don’t want to live like this anymore- everytime I feel happy I’m so scared it’s going to be stripped from me
I’m so raw. I just want to die.
I’ll never feel this way again.
https://redd.it/1rop8vi
@r_suicidewatch
just tried hanging myself
ive tried so many options and this one didnt even work i was too close to the ground so i only sprained my own neck and now i have a bruise line all over my neck and i can't hide it i fucked up everyone is going to see it i wish i just died i cant do this anymore suicide is so hard when you don't have a gun i feel so guilty because i have a perfect life and a perfect mother and a perfect beautiful boyfriend and i still couldnt help but attempt again now things will be worse and i wont be left alone cause everyone will be worried and i just cant. it would be so easy if i just dissapeared i cant stop suffering no one understands
https://redd.it/1roolao
@r_suicidewatch
Stuck in war and nightmare family
My country is being bombed and I’m in a one bedroom flat with 5 people and a dog. It’s a hellish scenario. My father is abusive. He dictates our lives. I’m currently hungry but guess what can’t do fuck all about it since he chooses when we can go out and eat, which may be hours from now. I had a window of hope in applying to the UK And i got into many good unis. Now in this environment I can’t fucking study. I’m so depressed. I want to get out so bad…. if it was my choice i’d leave the country or go to our real home (we came to this flat because of the bombings) but he won’t allow it. He even called me selfish for wanting to leave them and go to another country. Stay here and die if you want asshole but I am a person with decisions too!!!
i’m so miserable 💔 i can’t even cry or they will get angry at me
https://redd.it/1ro4ljn
@r_suicidewatch
Failed career and divorce is pushing me further down
Over 30 years of age and not a single life achievement. No car. No house. No expressive banking account.
Divorced over a year ago, and my ex is draining me of every pennie I have as alimony for our 3 year-old.
I got fired right after the divorce, but a poor attorney got me the worst deal ever and I still have to pay full.
My mental and phisycal health is deteriorating. I even bought a rope and every time I pass out drunk on my living room I wake with it tied to my neck.
I applied for over 200 jobs, had about 10 interviews with no success. Over 10 years of career, a bachelor and post graduate degrees, three spoken languages and experience amounts to fucking nothing.
I never wished for riches and wealth, just a nice enough middle class life, with a house, wife and kids.
Often times I day dream about winning the lottery, or meeting a very rich person that would simpatize and help out a little bit with health insurance and paying for my student debt... but I cannot even make regular friends let alone rich ones.
Every time I pass out drunk I can feel the rope getting tighter. Maybe it is the only way. I am constantly looking for a trip to Japan and end things on that suicide forest by mount fuji. I don't know. I can kind of hear it calling for me sometimes.
https://redd.it/1roff1l
@r_suicidewatch
literally nothing anyone can say is gonna help me atp
"reach out to someone!" do u think id be posting here if i had anyone to reach out to?
"im here to talk!" whyd u ghost me after one message then lmfao
"dont do it i care abt u!" no, you dont even know me
"what abt ur loved ones??" dude i genuinely dont fucking care theyll move on
and worst of all "it gets better!!" okay sooo when lol. im waiting
im a lost cause
https://redd.it/1ri1yqc
@r_suicidewatch
Should I kill myself for being Chinese
I don't really speak English so please forgive my mistakes.
I know it's probably the most hated place in the world and people treat us like cockroaches, which we are because we just can't stop mating and making a lot of newborns and we are difficult to kill. But believe me no one could hate China more than people here do. This place is a shithole and people are struggling to survive. I've spent every day of the last 22 years trying very hard to live and live properly because this fucked-up country will not tolerate any mistake in my life. Then here I am in my last year of college realizing that it's all bullshit. I simply can't afford to live because we graduates have no jobs except for those who fucking pay us with a salary less than 2 dollars per hour. And I thought slavery no longer existed!
Sometimes I just feel like China wants me dead. Or maybe it doesn't because a good employee is a live one. China needs us to work 996 and uses us like machines(and even machines are more expensive than Chinese labor) until we finally fucking die working overtime and then suck our corpses dry. This is just one shitty aspect of this place and there are no human rights here.
I'm not here to simply vent or toss my shit everywhere treating people like my exclusive dumpsters, nor am I to spread hatred. I just wonder if I should just kill myself because if I live it's like letting China win. I am part of its resource just for being alive.
When writing this down I suddenly remember in high shcool, which was literally a hell, the windows in school buildings were designed in a way that couldn't be fully opened. Turns out in this country even death is a luxury.
https://redd.it/1rhvb4s
@r_suicidewatch
She’s gone, I have to join her what fuckin cunt could stab a young lady multiple times
Some fucking cunt stabbed my best friend to death, I just found her in her apartment, I called and asked to come over and in the 45 mins it took to get there, someone killed her.
https://redd.it/1rhr7vj
@r_suicidewatch
I turn fourteen on Monday
Have you ever wonder what punishment this current life is? Geniunly I am... considering what monstrous crimes I must have committed to be delt this awful absurdity manifestation of human nature, how am I the girl, or a I guess at this point woman I have become, when the construction of my life is not at all as- terrible as it could be? There are so many worse alternatives, there are so many harder alternatives, I got the loving parents I got the immigrant father that moved here on an refugee visa and drove without a license for months because of the frank and naked will of determination, I got the mother who grew up in all parts of the world, with peace corps parents, and marched in stonewall!, my parents are generally and genuinely- good, earnestly committed and kind people. I am not sure if they are good parents, or at least my American perspective; it's a debate. They are good people, genuinely. I got a bisexual mother, I pulled a non homophobic west African father I am truly so lucky? I could've been born to god fearing parents in god forsaken Iowa, I could have been born a gay man in India, I could have been born in Gaza. I am truly so lucky, that is one common theme, that is the true denomination. Yet with the combination of that, and a dreadful mix of the weighted generational aspects, my mother still yells at me a median amount of twice a day, my father still threaten to hit, and I will always still wish I could hold my self down to let him take the whip and bruise me longer and more effectively, Because I am already rotten, so much so I am barely ripe. I still hit my sister, the one with an intellectual disability, so to be completely fair, on the prayers of the dreadful absurdity of human nature, I am no better than my worst enemy, but I am so much worse. It is shockingly hard to believe I am thirteen years old, forcibly Because I have not grown inch mentally, only a lot in weight, only a ton in emptiness. Even whilst going through this subreddit I am personally astonished at how many of you still continue to feel this way at the ages 3 times my own, in a summarized way it is comforting, in a more honest way it is entirely painful.
I'm not sure that the exact purpose behind this... message?...is, I contain no clue, couldn't tell you if I wanted. I just remain thoroughly confused at why I am like this, I get the aspect of trauma, but if anything it feels like the result of what sickness has so accurately accomplished my insides in a hope to chew me up and spit me back out. Is entirely my own twisting.
All I can say is: I am entirely chewed., and even in the fake wash of my own maturity, I wish I loved my birthday. But this only feels like another burden, only feels like another curse. In an another world I wish to be born on leap day, I was so close to freedom.
P.s. I am in no danger to myself in a finite way, i have pills but i would rather not be disabled, i have a knife but still i remain to fearful to even place slivers, and it will be my sole responsibility to take care of my sister when it come time so in no way is killing myself in the cards, i am more worried my mind will kill me before my hands even get the chance, or ever get the will.
https://redd.it/1rhn5ng
@r_suicidewatch
I hate being a woman in this world.
Always disrespected, all your value is based on how big your tits/ass are, and oversexualized. It’s miserable seeing it everyday around you and online. I will never be good enough
https://redd.it/1rhfage
@r_suicidewatch
I'm planning on ending my life this Tuesday. I'm in my late 30's.The cost of living I find overwhelming and everyday life. I can't see a future anymore. I can't do this for another 30 or 40 years or been here for my 40th birthday.
I have avoidant personality disorder and anorexia, since my early 20's. I suffered from trauma also. The isolation also, time goes by so slow. A lot of my extended family are sick or old now. My family dog was the only thing that kept me going. I failed in life. I feel trapped been here. I find life unbearable now. I was afraid to end it before. Every time I think about it scares me, but I see no way out anymore . I don't sleep or eat properly anymore. Im already living in hell. I don't see no way forward after Tuesday. I wrote my note today and I be cleaning out my bedroom tomorrow, preparing for Tuesday.
https://redd.it/1rhcyd8
@r_suicidewatch
