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The sickest, rudest, most offensive, inappropriate & politically incorrect jokes — we've got them all!
Teacher: What’s the chemical formula for water? Student: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O. Teacher: How did you get that?
Well yesterday you said it was H to O
#wordplay
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My girlfriend called and said to me in a sexy voice “You should come over, no one is home”. So I went over….
No one was home.
#other
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I don’t know why some people complain that games have too much LGBTQ+ content these days.
Every game you’ve ever played has come out.
#wordplay
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I accidentally handed my girlfriend the glue stick instead of the chap stick.
She still isn’t speaking with me
#oldbutgold
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Orion's belt is a huge waist of space.
#wordplay
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I just asked my 9 year old son what he learned in school today
He said “apparently not enough because I have to go back tomorrow”.
#other
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A man walked into a Men's Warehouse and an employee asked if he needed any help trying on suits. He said "No thanks."
The employee said "suit yourself."
#wordplay
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Stop looking for the perfect match
use a lighter!
#wordplay
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What do you call a woman that sets her credit card bills on fire?
Bernadette.
#wordplay
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I once lived just a stone's throw away from a family
who all died of mysterious head injuries
#other
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My girlfriend always said that the male genitalia is not attractive, so I decided to cover my balls in mascara, eyeshadow and glitter. I'm pretty sure she liked it.
As soon as she saw them she said "Wow, that's pretty nuts."
#wordplay
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Why do programmers prefer dark-mode?
Because light attracts bugs.
#wordplay
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My girlfriend just told me she’s had a Brazilian
I’m not good with numbers but that sounds like a fucking lot to me
#wordplay
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All the fraternities in my college rejected me because I was circumcised.
Apparently you need to be a complete dick to get in.
#wordplay
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What’s the most innocent way to protest against capitalism?
just type in small letters :’)
#wordplay
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I've discovered the secret to happiness. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs or cheat on my girlfriend. Do you know what I do instead?
I lie.
#other
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He gently slid her panties to one side...
So the rest of her socks would fit in the drawer
#other
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If cardboard had a favorite sport, what would it be?
Boxing
#worpdplay
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Cop pulls over a man and says
“You were driving on the wrong side of the road.”
Driver: Sorry, I’m English.
Cop: (shouting) It’s the wrong soid of the roade ye was droivin down, innit??
#other
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If we remove all of the margarine on Earth …
The world will be a butter place.
#wordplay
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Me and my friends started a band it’s called 999 megabytes
We still don’t have a gig
#wordplay
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My wife complain that I only last for like two minutes in bed..
But it was in doggystyle, so that's like 14 minutes in dog minutes?!
#other
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What do you call a Jewish muscle t-shirt?
Muscle Top!
#wordplay
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A priest, a monk, and a rabbit walk in to a clinic to donate blood.
The rabbit says, "I think I might be a type-o."
#wordplay
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A blonde boards the plane, and proceeds to take a window seat…
A guy walks in right behind her, and says: “I’m sorry but you’re in my seat”, to which the blonde responds: “Get lost.”
The guy: “Oh yeah?! Then I hope you know how to fly the plane.”
#other
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Politics are like sex
If the only thing you know about it comes from your family, you're doing it wrong.
#sexandshit
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What's a 10 letter word that starts with g-a-s
Automobile
#wordplay
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Honestly, I don’t get why a circle is a shape
It’s not like a triangle or a square, it’s completely pointless
#wordplay
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My doctor told me that the radiation from my laptop has damaged my sperm….
Felt like letting him know how badly my sperm has damaged my laptop…
#sexandshit
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