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The sickest, rudest, most offensive, inappropriate & politically incorrect jokes — we've got them all!
What's the opposite of assuming?
Faceuming.
#stupid
@Sickipedia
Today I learned that Albert Einstein was an actual physicist
I always thought he was just a theoretical physicist
#oldbutgold
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This guy walks into a library and loudly asks the librarian … “hey, can I get an order of fish and chips?”
The librarian is confused and responds, “excuse me sir, this is a Library.”
The guy looks and around, leans over to the librarian and whispers very quietly. … “I’m sorry. Can I get an order of fish and chips?”
#other
@Sickipedia
Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?
Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
#wordplay
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I'm looking forward to Musk getting into trouble for election interference and trying to cover it up.
The Saga will be called Elongate. It won't be over quickly.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
What five-letter word has one left when two letters are removed?
Stone.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
Does anyone in this sub remember the chiropractor joke I posted?
It was about a week back.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
What was George Washington’s presidential campaign slogan?
Make America
#wordplay
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“Doc, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”
Doctor: Wow! That’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
Leather is rated based on its texture. Cows with abundant water sources typically have soft hides, rated "A".
But hides from cows living in hot, dry climates are typically "D" hide-rated.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
A wife says to her husband: “If I knew you’d be broke I wouldn’t have married you!”
Husband: “But I told you that you’re the most valuable thing in my life!”
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
I don't really get amateur porn
After I have sex, I usually think "at least nobody saw that."
#sexandshit
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Someone stole my car last night but left their mobile phone in the parking space.
Went from Kia to Nokia overnight.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
My wife absolutely hates it when our next door neighbor sunbathes topless in her yard.
Personally, I'm on the fence.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband and says, "I shaved down there; you know what that means?"
The husband responds, "Yeah, the drain is clogged."
#other
@Sickipedia
I needed a password eight characters long ...
So I chose Snow White and The Seven Dwarves.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
I was standing at the bar in an International Airport when this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me, and starts drinking a beer. I asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate, or Ju-Jitsu?"
He says "No, why the fuck would you ask me that? Is it because I am Chinese?"
"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little fucker."
#other
@Sickipedia
I think they should build a chapel for trans teens
They can put it right next to the cis teens' chapel.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
Called my wife to tell her I'd pick up Fish and Chips on my way home from work, but she hung up on me.
...she's still pissed about letting me name our kids.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
I wasn’t close to my father when he died...
Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
#other
@Sickipedia
I'm thinking of selling a fragrance for introverts..
I’m going to call it 'Leave Me The Fuh Cologne'
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
This may sound a little racist….
….But everyone in the KKK look the same to me.
#racism
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The doctor told me my prostate was good.
I was deeply touched.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
If a guy sleeps with a bunch of girls, they call him a stallion.
If a stallion sleeps with a bunch of girls, they shut that riding school down.
#sexandshit
@Sickipedia
What is a man, mansplaining to another man called?
A podcast.
#other
@Sickipedia
what's the worst 2 things to hear during a prostate exam?
"enter as strangers, leave as friends"
#wordplay
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What do you call twin police officers?
Copies.
#wordplay
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Did you all hear about the guy that died in a coffee factory? He fell into a vat of hot coffee.
He didn’t suffer though. It was instant.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
A man poked his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long until I can get a haircut?"
Glancing at the full shop, the barber replied, "Around 2 hours." The man left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left.
The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back."
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?"
Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"
#other
@Sickipedia
What’s the difference between a newly married man, and a newly single man?
The one kisses the Mrs.
The other misses the kisses.
#wordplay
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