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The sickest, rudest, most offensive, inappropriate & politically incorrect jokes — we've got them all!
I found a book called 'How to solve 50% of your problems'.
So I bought 2 of them.
#other@Sickipedia
Sheepdog says to farmer: "I got all 50 sheep in the pen!" Farmer says to dog: "But I only have 46 sheep."
Sheepdog says to farmer: "I know, I rounded them up."
#wordplay@Sickipedia
The coffee shop had a sign that said "No WiFi, pretend it's 1973!"
So, I paid 10¢ for my coffee and lit a cigarette.
#other@Sickipedia
What 11-letter English word is always pronounced incorrectly?
Incorrectly.
#other@Sickipedia
Why is 9 afraid of 3?
Because he was squared of him
#wordplay@Sickipedia
My wife asked me, "is it just me or is the cat getting fat?"
"no, it's just you."
#roast@Sickipedia
I'm hosting a charity event for people who struggle to reach orgasm.
If you can't come, let me know.
#wordplay@Sickipedia
Netanyahu, while visiting the United Nations, overheard chants of "free Palestine!"
He thought to himself, "What a bargain!"
#wordplay@Sickipedia
When I was 16 years old I told my mom I wanted to get a motorcycle.
She said, "You are not buying a motorcycle. My brother, your uncle who you never met, died in a horrible motorcycle accident.
You can have his bike."
#other@Sickipedia
As a child, I thought body hair was gross
But it later grew on me
#wordplay@Sickipedia
Two very old ladies are driving along and one says to the other, "Did you just run a stop sign"?
She replied, "Oh Shit! Am I driving"?
#other@Sickipedia
I'm always frank with my sexual partners.
Don't want them knowing my real name.
#wordplay@Sickipedia
I don't know how I always end up with weirdos for my first date.
Like for the most recent one for example, we were at a fancy restaurant and everything was going so well. But right before we started eating, she out of the blue asked me to have sex with a short girl. To be exact, she said, "Bone a petite." I had to leave.
#wordplay@Sickipedia
After many years of marriage, I think my wife still finds me sexy.
Everytime I go past her in the house she says, "What an ass."
#oldbutgold@Sickipedia
Somebody scraped off all of the letter ‘F’s from my keyboard.
Now two of the keys look like Shit.
#wordplay@Sickipedia
Why do they say "Amen" instead of "A woman" at the end of songs at church?
Because they are hymns, not hers.
#wordplay@Sickipedia
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.
He said no.
#wordplay@Sickipedia
What do you call a fruit that magically shows up?
A pear.
#wordplay@Sickipedia
How do you call a mexican that lost his car?
Carlos
#wordplay@Sickipedia
The nurse hands a man his newborn and says: "I'm sorry, but your wife didn't make it."
He responds: "Well then give me the one my wife made!"
#wordplay@Sickipedia
I tried phone sex once,
but the holes were too small.
#sexandshit@Sickipedia
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills yesterday... she said: "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"...
... I still don't know why she told me to urinate on a skeleton!
#wordplay@Sickipedia
I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with her personal trainer.
Me: "Ok, this isn't working out."
#wordplay@Sickipedia
I was told to describe myself I one word in a job interview...
I said, "bad at following simple instructions."
#other@Sickipedia
A man walks onto the campus of Yale University. He walks up to a student and asks "Where's the bathroom at?"
The student responds haughtily, "Here at Yale, we're taught not to end a sentence with a preposition."
The man realizing his terrible unforgivable mistake corrects himself, "Where's the bathroom at asshole?"
#other@Sickipedia
My girlfriend is a lumberjack.
Well, technically she’s my ax-girlfriend.
#wordplay@Sickipedia
My son said his excellent pull out game is in his genes.
I told him to wash his jeans separately going forward.
#wordplay@Sickipedia
I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.
That priest is in jail now.
#wordplay@Sickipedia
A woman takes a pregnancy test and it comes back positive. She looks at her husband and says
Your kid in me!
#wordplay@Sickipedia
It took me two hours to grill a chicken the other day, and it still didn’t tell me why it crossed the road.
#oldbutgold@Sickipedia