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The sickest, rudest, most offensive, inappropriate & politically incorrect jokes — we've got them all!
You matter!
You have mass and occupy space.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
My wife asked me to stop singing "I'm a Believer" by the Monkees because she found it annoying. At first I thought she was kidding...
...But then I saw her face
#oldbutgold
@Sickipedia
I used to run a dating service for chickens.
But I was struggling to make hens meet.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
Mean girls aren’t as bad as people say.
In reality, they’re just about average.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
Today, I told my really hot co-worker how I felt and she felt the same.
So I turned on the air-conditioner.
#other
@Sickipedia
I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.
#other
@Sickipedia
Once you accept that gravity exists everything falls into place.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
“There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
You can't spell advertisements without semen between the tits.
#oldbutgold
@Sickipedia
I programmed a pirate game, but users said, the main character looks not enough like a pirate.
There will be a patch soon.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
As I was paying the cashier for my Christmas tree, he asked, “Are you going to put that up yourself?”
I said, “No, I’m putting it up in the living room.”
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
It's quite ironic that "strap on", backwards, spells 'no parts'.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
The thief who stole my iPhone could face time in prison!
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
A father and his son were hanging out in the living room watching TV
When a sex scene started, the father told his son, “Son, it’s time for you to go bed.”
The son replied, “C’mon dad, I’m already fifteen.”
The dad answered, “I don’t care how old you are… you are not going to watch me jerk off!”
#sexandshit
@Sickipedia
I learned Morse code and then I couldn't sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.
#other
@Sickipedia
Why is the first episode of a tv series called a pilot?
Because it’s the first time it’s on the air.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
If life gives you melons
You probably have dyslexia
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
At dinner, my girlfriend suddenly told me, “It’s over between us”.
Me: Why?
Her: For starters, I’m sick of your terrible jokes.
Me: I see. And for the main course?
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
Your vet won't tell you this, but if your dog is running a fever, get it some ketchup. It really is the best thing for a hot dog.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
Man addicted to drinking brake fluid claims he can stop anytime he wants.
#other
@Sickipedia
The word "misread" can be misread as "misread".
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
What are two things you can never eat for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner.
#other
@Sickipedia
I've lived my entire life being absolutely positive that I'd never receive a phone call from a vegetable. Then, BOOM
Onion Rings.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, “What the hell are you doing?”
#other
@Sickipedia
If there's one thing that makes me throw up, it's a dart board on a ceiling.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
For all the single people on this feed thinking of getting married, here are the pros and cons.
On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.
On the other hand, you don’t.
#other
@Sickipedia
The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia