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The sickest, rudest, most offensive, inappropriate & politically incorrect jokes — we've got them all!
Boeing does not make airplanes anymore.
It makes errorplanes.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
What's The biggest fear of Zeus?
Child support
#other
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I'm proud to say I had never paid for sex ever
I am a pretty fast runner.
#sexandshit
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I feel bad about misjudging my new girlfriend.
I thought she was a bit of a slut when she playfully called me her thirty second lover.
Then I realized that she was talking about time.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
I don’t usually make mathematical puns unless I’m desperate.
But I’ll make one if I half two.
#wordplay
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Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac?
He lies awake at night and wonders if there is a dog.
#oldbutgold
@Sickipedia
What do British people say when they show concern for you?
U k?
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
Two surveyors, George and Mike, are out hunting in the woods...
when they suddenly realize they've become hopelessly lost. They look every which way, but the only things they see all around them are trees.
Mike sits down on a fallen log, his rifle across his lap, and says to George "Well, we're lost. What are we gonna do now?"
George thinks for a second before pulling a grade stake and a sharpie from his back pocket. He writes "Benchmark" on one side of the stake and "Do Not Disturb" on the other side. Then, he uses the butt of his rifle to drive the stake into the ground. With that complete, he sits down next to Mike on the fallen log.
Mike looks from the stake to George and back again before saying "How the hell is that supposed to help us?!"
George just holds up one finger and says "Wait."
After a few minutes, the two men can hear a rumbling sound off in the distance. It slowly gets louder and louder until finally a huge bulldozer comes crashing through the trees. It runs right over the grade stake George had put in the ground before continuing on its path through the woods.
George points in the direction the bulldozer had come from and says "That way."
#other
@Sickipedia
A person who likes to be around people is an extrovert. A person who doesn't like to be around people is an introvert. I like to be around cats.
Does that make me a purrvert?
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
How do you quickly stop an argument between two deaf person?
Just switch off the light.
#other
@Sickipedia
What's great for dogs but terrible for children?
Grooming.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
You have to be pretty brave to undergo transgender surgery
That shit takes balls
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
I've always wanted to start a company called "Thank You for Calling How May I help You"
Then my receptionist will have to answer the phone like "Thank you for calling Thank You for Calling How May I Help You, how may I help you?"
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
What is the sexiest instrument to play?
A Bagpipe - The ladies have got to respect a man who can blow, finger, and squeeze all at the same time!
#sexandshit
@Sickipedia
An old man is at passport control in Paris. He is going through his bag for his passport which he can't find. The irritated woman on passport control asks him 'Have you visited France before?'
'Yes' replied the old man.
Sarcastically she responds 'Well surely you should know to have your passport ready...' to which he answers 'I didn't have to show it last time'
'Impossible!!' she bellowed.
The old man looks her straight in the eye and says 'Last time, when I landed on D-Day on 6th June 1944, I couldn't find a fucking Frenchman to give it to'
#other
@Sickipedia
Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house?
Because the ghosts bring all the boos.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
Just seen an OnlyFans page where girls slam their bums together...
Fair play, they are just trying to make ends meet
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
"Mamma I don't like grandma!"
"Eat only the potatoes then".
#other
@Sickipedia
Stewardess: "Window or aisle?"
Window or you'll what?
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
Me: I've met a girl with 12 breasts
Wife: That sounds strange.
Me: Dozen tit?
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
Olympic Results for Sailing are out.
The British have taken the Gold medal.
The French have taken the Silver medal.
The Somalians have taken the boats.
#other
@Sickipedia
Doctor: I'm afraid we'll need to remove your colon
Me why?
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
What does a Polish girl get on her wedding night that’s long and hard?
New last name
#other
@Sickipedia
What is an electrical engineers favorite song?
Watt is love, Baby don't hertz me, Don't hertz me, N-ohm more
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
How does a Mother become single?
When she moves Father away.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
Someone asked me if Steve Jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump?
That's like comparing apples to oranges.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
I love the way the earth rotates
It makes my day
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
My grandpa died because we couldn’t remember his blood type.
He kept telling us to "be positive." It’s really tough without him.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
A blind girl said I have a big di*k.
Turns out, she was just pulling my leg.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
R.I.P. boiling water.
You'll be mist.
#wordplay
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