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The sickest, rudest, most offensive, inappropriate & politically incorrect jokes — we've got them all!
Every day is an adventure when you're incompetent.
#other
My wife & I like to do it missionary style.
We brainwash indigenous natives & rape children.
#sexandshit
I like wanking whilst looking in the mirror...
my driving instructor doesn't.
#sexandshit
As the sperm dripped down my wife's chin, I looked in her eyes and asked "Do you like that? "
"No", she relied. " What the fuck is in this sandwich? "
#sexandshit
When my teenage daughter told me she was pregnant, I shouted, "Your mum's going to kill you!"
I'm not sure if the little cunt inside her heard me or not.
#sexandshit
If you lose your tree, try stapling a picture of it to a cat.
#other
Whenever I phone my wife on her mobile, I speak as quietly as I can.
The closer she holds it, the greater the chance of a tumour
#other
Does anyone else find it odd that there's only one Monopolies Commission?
#other
You know you're getting older when you walk by a couple of priests and they don't even look your way
#sexandshit
It's winter again. That time of year when the poor are making tough choices between food, heating or getting that massive new tattoo.
#other
My Wife just came out of the bedroom wearing a Nurses outfit.
I thought, Fucking Awesome!
She's going to work.
#other
Before you make fun of kids for believing in Santa Claus, remember; There are still people who believe the troops fight for freedom.
#other
"I love you just the way you are", I soulfully sang to my wife.
Then I put the flowers on her grave.
#other
Scientists say that men ejeculate at 20 miles per hour, which means at that speed it’s safe to hit a child
#sexandshit
Facebook game requests are like the jehovah's witnesses of the internet
#internet
One man's rubbish is another man's treasure, is an awesome phrase.
But it's a horrible way to tell your kid they're adopted.
#other
Rudolph Hess edited Mein Kampf for Adolf Hitler, making him the first grammar Nazi.
#other
Why do police dogs lick their balls?
To get the taste of niggers out their mouths.
#sexandshit
I have a polish friend who is a sound technician. Oh, and a Czech one too. Czech one too. Czech one too
#wordplay
Discover what it was like to live in medieval Britain by simply moving to Glasgow
#other
Don’t get a woman, get a dog… They are loyal
and they die sooner
#other
What’s the hardest part about a Muslim killing his own daughter?
Suppressing the erection.
#sexandshit
It's times like these when I'm sat in bed with my computer on my knee when I really wish I'd bought a laptop.
#other
I'm going through a long and messy divorce and have decided the only way to go is suicide.
Now all I have to do is talk the bitch into it.
#other
A recent study showed the average American is nearly 4kg heavier than the average Brit.
Turns out an oversized ego doesn't weigh as much as teeth.
#insult
New year's resolution - give up smoking and wanking.
It'll be tough because since I was 14, I've been a 40-a-day guy. I smoke a fair bit too.
#other
Mummy, why did we do Christmas and presents in July this year?
Because it’s cheaper than chemotherapy.
#illness
"Allahu Akbar" means different things to different people.
To Muslims it means "God is great."
To Westerners it means "run like fuck."
#racism
My missus isn't speaking to me anymore, just because I didn't open the car door for the bitch.
Well, to be honest, I panicked and swam like fuck to the surface.
#other