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The sickest, rudest, most offensive, inappropriate & politically incorrect jokes — we've got them all!
Why did the Polish man cross the road?
Because the cunt has got the fucking chicken's job as well
#racism
Man I love Grand Theft Auto.
Spending a whole day robbing banks, killing hookers, running from the police, stealing cars
and topping it all off with playing Grand Theft Auto.
#other
I can't speak for anyone else, but I think I'm a terrible ventriloquist.
#profession
How does every Muslim joke start?
I don't know but they generally end with a bang.
#racism
A Somali arrives in England as a new immigrant. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr Englishman for letting me in this country!"
But the passer-by says "You are mistaken, I am a Pakistani".
The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in England!".
The person says "I no English, I flom Hong Kong".
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful England!" That person says "I am from Iran, I am not English".
He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you a English citizen?". She says, "No, I am from Romania!"
So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where are all the English?"The Romanian lady looks at her watch, shrugs and says "Probably at work".
#racism
My new Indian girlfriend said that I could give her a facial.
Fuck me, I nearly came on the spot
#sexandshit
If a Muslim beats his wife, would it be domestic violence or child abuse?
#racism
I walked into the pub and shouted, "All Muslims are cunts!"
A bloke stood up and said, "I'm very offended by that."
"Why," I asked, "are you a Muslim?"
"No," he replied, "I'm a cunt."
#racism
Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang.
The sound is proving difficult to decipher, but they have narrowed it down to either "Oops" or "Ohh shit."
#other
I think it's interesting how people sleep differently.
I usually sleep on my back, my brother sleeps on his stomach, and my ex sleeps with half of this town.
#sexandshit
My physics teacher told me I had potential.
Then he pushed me off the roof.
#other
What do vaginas and the mafia have in common?
One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
#sexandshit
Apparently, someone has been shot with a starter pistol at the athletics track.
Police think it was race related.
#racism
I phoned the Child Abuse Hotline.
A kid answered, called me a cunt and told me to fuck off.
#other
The bright young Jewish boy in my class handed in an absolutely fantastic essay about the Holocaust.
It was so good that I gave him a gold star.
#racism
I've been training for months to achieve the world record title of 'Furthest Ejaculation'.
I can't believe how far I've come.
#sexandshit
I just got a text from a girl saying
“Myspacebarisbrokencouldyougivemeanalternative”
Does anyone know the meaning of “ternative”
#computer
At a wedding in Glasgow I whispered to a guy next to me,
"Isn't the bride a right ugly dog"
"Do you mind. That's my daughter you're talking about"
"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were her father''...
"I'm not . . . I'm her fucking mother.
#other
I held the door open for a Japanese guy today..
He said, "sank you", so I punched him in the face. I can't believe he would bring up Pearl Harbor like that.
#racism
I went to the sperm clinic today, the receptionist asked if I would like to masturbate in the cup...
I said, "I'm good, but I'm not sure I'm ready for competition."
#sexandshit
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
#other
Ever wondered what Noah did with all the animal shit on the Ark?
He shovelled it off and Christopher Columbus discovered it 2000 years later.
#racism
My mate's dad says he used to be a cook in the Veitnam war.
Well, he actually dropped napalm on the Viet Cong. Same thing I suppose.
#racism
When you make a joke about gay people they normally take it the wrong way...
How fucking ironic!
#sexandshit
Why do all black people grow up fast?
Because the slow ones end up in prison.
#racism
Donald Trump goes to a fortune teller and asks "When am I going to die?"
The fortune teller replies: "You will die on a major Mexican holiday."
Trump asks: "Which Mexican holiday? Cinco de Mayo? Dia de los muertos?"
The fortune teller replies: "Any day you die, Donald, will be a major Mexican holiday!"
#politics
A Somali arrives in England as a new immigrant.
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr Englishman for letting me in this country!" But the passer-by says, "You are mistaken, I am a Pakistani".
The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in England!". The person says, "I no English, I flom Hong Kong".
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful England!" That person says "I am from Iran, I am not English".
He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you a English citizen?". She says, "No, I am from Romania!" So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where are all the English?" The Romanian lady looks at her watch, shrugs and says, "Probably at work".
#racism
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
#sexism