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The sickest, rudest, most offensive, inappropriate & politically incorrect jokes — we've got them all!
So I just turned 21 and there is still no change in my eyesight...
When do I get my adult supervision?
#other
My epileptic son loves our new Christmas tree.
You should see how excited he gets when we turn on the lights.
#illness
I was watching a film with my little boy earlier. He said, "Dad I’m scared, is that woman going to die?". I said, "Judging on the size of that horse's cock, yes".
#sexandshit
What does a guy with a big penis have for breakfast?
Well, I had eggs for breakfast.
#sexandshit
My doctor told me that I'm a paranoid racist.
Well, he didn't exactly say that, but I know what the black cunt was thinking...
#racism
I asked my priest if it might be a good idea to stop masturbating
But he didn't take the hint.
#sexandshit
Black people use hot sauce on everything because they have developed a taste for pepper spray.
#racism
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar...
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
#other
Sometimes when I turn off the lights and masturbate, it feels like Jesus is watching me.
Mexican prison is shit.
#sexandshit
Fidel Castro was a cigar-smoking, repressive leader who hated free speech and a free press.
Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke.
#politics
A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and he says, "I hope the porn is disabled."
The guy at the desk replies, "It's just regular porn you sick fuck."
#sexandshit
My wife was struggling to open the freezer.
In the end she gave up, and froze to death.
#mortality
My mum walked in on me and my sister having sex.
"You two sicken me, what you're doing is totally disgusting!" She screamed.
"I totally agree" came my dads voice from the wardrobe.
#sexandshit
France and Italy simultaneously declare war on each other.
France surrenders.
Italy changes sides.
Both lose.
#racism
My girlfriend has just been out and bought a dominatrix outfit.
Also known as a wedding dress.
#events
My colleague said to me, "I bet you can't see your dick when you look down in the shower."
"No, just your daughter's head," I replied.
#sexandshit
People who talk to themselves are more intelligent then those who don't.
Well, that's what I like to tell myself anyway.
#other
What's the hardest part of making a vegan pizza?
Skinning the vegan.
#mortality
My wife hasn't said a word to me in 6 days.
What's even better is, she thinks it's punishment.
#other
1984 is a great work of literature.
I think all kids should be forced to read it.
#other
Apparently, if a bear attacks you, you should play dead.
Sounds suspiciously like something a bear would say...
#mortality
A recent survey indicates that the Smartphone is now the number one hand held device.
The penis has slipped to second spot.
#other
A man applies for a job with the local police.
The officer says, "This is the best résumé I've ever seen! There's just one more test before you get the job. Take this gun, go out and shoot eight black guys and a cat."
Guy replies "Why the cat?"
Officer says "Great attitude, you're hired!"
#racism
Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain.
In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.
#other
The average person has sex 127 times a year.
My december is going to be fucking awesome.
#sexandshit
A beggar walked up to me and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days."
I just looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower".
#other
I was in bed with a woman and she said, "I want tonight to be magical".
And it was. After we had sex, I disappeared.
#sexandshit
I live in a pretty rough area.
The priest at our church had to leave because of a child abuse scandal.
He was raped by three kids.
#religion
Watson walks in on Sherlock having sex with a younger looking girl.
"Bloody hell, Sherlock! What'd you think you're doing bangin' that chick. She looks like she's in highschool!"
Sherlock replied, "Elementary, my dear Watson."
#tv
I didn't know what happiness was until I got married.
But by then it was too late.
#other