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The sickest, rudest, most offensive, inappropriate & politically incorrect jokes — we've got them all!
Rapeincest: A game all the family can play.
Even if they don't want to.
#sexandshit
Did you know there are 3 rings in a relationship?
The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffer ring.
#sexandshit
Great Russian joke.
Four mothers: German, Italian, French, and Russian are in a maternity ward ready to pick up their babies. It just so happens, the nurse doesn't know which baby is which. So the Italian mother walks up to a crib and takes out a slice of pizza. One of the babies moves its hands forward. "That's mine," says the Italian mother and picks it up. Next, the German mother walks up and says, "Heil Hitler." Immediately, one of the babies makes a Nazi salute and the German mother picks it up. Next, the Russian mother walks up, doesn't say or do anything, and just takes one of the babies.
"Hold on," says the French mother, "how can you be so sure that it's your baby. For all I know, it might be mine."
"It IS mine," says the Russian mother, "When the German mother said 'Heil Hitler', my baby made an angry face, and yours shat itself.
#racism
My wife said that I need to pay more attention to what's going on around me.
So, in 2010, I'm going to try harder.
#other
* during an interview *
Interviewer: "So how long were you employed in your last job?"
Candidate: "I'd say my biggest weakness is my listening skills."
#other
What do you call Watson when Sherlock isn't around?
Holmeless.
#tv
I asked my date if she'd ever done drugs.
"No," she said, taking a sip of her water.
I said, "Well, you have now."
#crime
I just read a list of "The 100 Things To Do Before You Die".
I was pretty surprised that "Yell for help" wasn't one of them.
#mortality
Officer, if you are what you eat...
Then I'm an innocent man.
#crime
"Dad, why are there no jews on jupiter?"
"Because its a gas planet, son."
#racism
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
We may never know the truth.
#other
Fuckin Russians dolls.
They're so full of themselves.
#other
If I had a dollar for every time I had an existential crisis...
It wouldn't matter because currency is a social construct and life is meaningless.
#illness
A German girl married a Spanish man and went to Spain...
She can't speak Spanish. Each time she wants to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt and show her thighs to enable the seller understand her... This went on for sometime. One day, she wanted to buy banana, so she took her husband to the shop...
Because her husband speaks Spanish very well.
#other
Jesus walks into a bar...
The barman looks up and asks, "We don't serve wine here."
Jesus looks at him quizzically and goes to look for a Spanish translator because he had just immigrated from Mexico and English was not his first language.
#religion
I am so much in debt, I can start a government.
#politics
Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses.
He replied, "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."
Trump 20:16
#politics
This vodka tastes a lot like I'm not going into work tomorrow.
#events
I saw my new neighbour in his garden pulling out the 'For Sale' sign.
"Nice to meet you," he said. "I'm Mohammed."
"I'll take that sign if you don't need it," I replied.
#racism
TripAdvisor review for Turkey: a nightlife to die for.
#politics
Islam is not the religion of peace.
It is the religion of pieces.
#religion
Just saw a Facebook group: "Hi, I'm a bra. I touch your girlfriend's boobs every day... Jealous yet? ;D"
Joke's on them, my girlfriend doesn't need a bra yet.
#sexandshit
I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think...
Is there nothing on the internet that I won’t masturbate to?
#sexandshit
What's something a gay man can't live without?
Water.
#sexandshit
Can't believe there's so much people out there who believe that Santa exists.
They're so stupid that they can't realize that he's just a fictitious character made-up just for profit.
God forgive them.
#religion
It's statistically proven that 9/10 people enjoy gang-rape.
Who cares about the other 1/10... Majority rules.
#crime
"It's not you, it's me."
~ Chinese people looking at family photos.
#racism
All Lives Matter
...until you multiply them by the speed of light squared. Then all lives energy.
#other
Haven't seen the new Star Wars yet...
But everybody posting spoilers about how Princess Leia dies.
#mortality
"Have you not got a girlfriend?"
"No dad."
"Do you think you will ever get a girlfriend?
"No dad, not at all."
"Are you gay?
"No dad, and will you please fuck off with your lesbian fantasies."
#sexandshit