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The sickest, rudest, most offensive, inappropriate & politically incorrect jokes — we've got them all!
If you've ever wondered what it'd be like to be married...
Find a woman who doesn't want to have sex with you, and buy her a house.
#sexandshit
At the liquor store:
"Hey, do you need help?"
"Yes, but I come here instead."
#other
The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters
So Trump can't tweet it
#politics
My sister in law sat on my glasses and broke them.
I suppose it's my fault really, I should have taken them off first.
#sexandshit
I am so much in debt, I can start a government.
#politics
Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses.
He replied, "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."
Trump 20:16
#politics
This vodka tastes a lot like I'm not going into work tomorrow.
#events
I saw my new neighbour in his garden pulling out the 'For Sale' sign.
"Nice to meet you," he said. "I'm Mohammed."
"I'll take that sign if you don't need it," I replied.
#racism
TripAdvisor review for Turkey: a nightlife to die for.
#politics
Islam is not the religion of peace.
It is the religion of pieces.
#religion
Just saw a Facebook group: "Hi, I'm a bra. I touch your girlfriend's boobs every day... Jealous yet? ;D"
Joke's on them, my girlfriend doesn't need a bra yet.
#sexandshit
I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think...
Is there nothing on the internet that I won’t masturbate to?
#sexandshit
What's something a gay man can't live without?
Water.
#sexandshit
Can't believe there's so much people out there who believe that Santa exists.
They're so stupid that they can't realize that he's just a fictitious character made-up just for profit.
God forgive them.
#religion
It's statistically proven that 9/10 people enjoy gang-rape.
Who cares about the other 1/10... Majority rules.
#crime
There should be a millennial edition of Monopoly
Where you just walk around the board paying rent, never able to buy anything.
#other
My father died on 9/11... I can still remember his last words on the phone to me...
Allahu Akbar
#religion
I felt like a fool when I bought David Bowie tickets for my son and then remembered that he died last year...
Even more so when I remembered that David Bowie died too.
#mortality
Rapeincest: A game all the family can play.
Even if they don't want to.
#sexandshit
Did you know there are 3 rings in a relationship?
The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffer ring.
#sexandshit
Great Russian joke.
Four mothers: German, Italian, French, and Russian are in a maternity ward ready to pick up their babies. It just so happens, the nurse doesn't know which baby is which. So the Italian mother walks up to a crib and takes out a slice of pizza. One of the babies moves its hands forward. "That's mine," says the Italian mother and picks it up. Next, the German mother walks up and says, "Heil Hitler." Immediately, one of the babies makes a Nazi salute and the German mother picks it up. Next, the Russian mother walks up, doesn't say or do anything, and just takes one of the babies.
"Hold on," says the French mother, "how can you be so sure that it's your baby. For all I know, it might be mine."
"It IS mine," says the Russian mother, "When the German mother said 'Heil Hitler', my baby made an angry face, and yours shat itself.
#racism
My wife said that I need to pay more attention to what's going on around me.
So, in 2010, I'm going to try harder.
#other
* during an interview *
Interviewer: "So how long were you employed in your last job?"
Candidate: "I'd say my biggest weakness is my listening skills."
#other
What do you call Watson when Sherlock isn't around?
Holmeless.
#tv
I asked my date if she'd ever done drugs.
"No," she said, taking a sip of her water.
I said, "Well, you have now."
#crime
I just read a list of "The 100 Things To Do Before You Die".
I was pretty surprised that "Yell for help" wasn't one of them.
#mortality
Officer, if you are what you eat...
Then I'm an innocent man.
#crime
"Dad, why are there no jews on jupiter?"
"Because its a gas planet, son."
#racism
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
We may never know the truth.
#other
Fuckin Russians dolls.
They're so full of themselves.
#other