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The sickest, rudest, most offensive, inappropriate & politically incorrect jokes — we've got them all!
Trump's wall will cost 21.6 billion, Nasa's budget is only 19 billion.
Probably because Mexico has more aliens.
#racism
Donald Trump has announced that America is going to get tough on countries that harbour Islamic Extremist's.
France has already surrendered.
#racism
A young girl comes home one day and approaches her father, who is sitting in the living room.
"Daddy," she says, "a strange man did something bad to me at the park today."
The father, suddenly very attentive, turns to face his daughter.
"Oh, god... okay, sweetie, you need to understand that it absolutely wasn't your fault, and you will not get in trouble for telling me about it. Can you explain what happened?"
"Well," the girl begins, "I was playing in the sand, when the man came up to me and told me to come with him behind a tree."
"Oh, god," mutters the father. "Then what?"
"Then he pulled down his pants and showed me his thing."
"Oh, god!" the father exclaims. "What happened next?"
"Then," the girl continues, "he pulled up my dress and touched me on my underwear."
"Oh, god!" shouts the father. "Sweetie, what happened after that?"
The girl answers with a shrug. "Nothing. That was it."
"Well, make something up! I haven't finished yet!"
#sexandshit
I once went on a date with a girl who didn't swallow.
Soup everywhere.
#sexandshit
I really hate having bi-polar, it's brilliant!
#illness
A black guy in a library asked me where the colored printer was.
I replied, "Dude, it's 2017, you can use any printer you want."
#racism
The Liverpool team visited an orphanage in Liverpool today.
“It’s heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope,” said Bradley aged 6.
#sport
I went up to a girl in the club last night and said, "That's a nice dress. Do you know what it'd look even better on?"
"Let me guess," she sighed, "Your bedroom floor?"
"No," I replied, "A better-looking girl."
#sexandshit
Dear Muslim refugees: just pretend to be Christian.
That's what most Christians do anyways.
#religion
Standing on an Ikea podium from Sweden, behind bullet proof by Saint Gobain Glass from France, smiling at a 4K Sony Japanese Video camera, speaking into a Dolby Sennheiser German microphone, with vigorous hand gestures giving a glimpse of a Rolex under the cuff made in Switzerland, he patriotically said, "Buy American, Hire American, Stop Immigrants," while standing beside a Slovenian wife.
#politics
My basement is like an American school
No child comes out alive.
#racism
2020 Olympic high jump results:
Gold - Mexico
Silver - Mexico
Bronze - Mexico
#politics
When will people learn that race is just an illusion.
As people we are one, the only division on this earth is that there are good people and there are bad people.
It's just unfortunate that most of the bad people are black.
#racism
I always carve a heart with a woman's initials into a tree on the first date...
It's the most romantic way to show her you have a knife.
#crime
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
#mortality
"Have you not got a girlfriend?"
"No dad."
"Do you think you will ever get a girlfriend?
"No dad, not at all."
"Are you gay?
"No dad, and will you please fuck off with your lesbian fantasies."
#sexandshit
I had sex with my girlfriend last night.
It was her first time so she bled. I told her not to worry, in a few years she'll bleed every month.
#sexandshit
As I lay in my new girlfriend's bed, I noticed four lines carved into the headboard.
"Is that how many men you've slept with?", I asked.
"Yes", she replied, "One thousand, one hundred and eleven."
#sexandshit
Whilst walking down my local high street I was approached by a charity worker.
"I'm sorry to stop you sir." she said.
"That's ok, you haven't. " I replied as I carried on walking.
#other
What's the difference between Christmas and 9/11?
Muslims don't celebrate Christmas.
#racism
I just saw a poor old lady fall over in the snow.
Well I'm guessing she was poor, she only had 86p in her purse.
#crime
When I see a girl, I first look at her hair. Then at her eyes, lips, neck...
Damn dial-up!
#sexandshit
My dad always told me he never made the same mistake twice
Must be why I'm an only child.
#other
How much citrus does it take to kill a pirate?
None.
#other
BBC News: "People who suffer from Anxiety and Depression more likely to develop Cancer"
That'll cheer them up.
#illness
Why did the vegetarian hate giving blow jobs?
She was a lesbian.
#sexandshit
If there is no God
Who keeps getting my wife pregnant?
#religion
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog because he shuts up after you let him in.
#sexism
I actually fully support the women's march.
It's about time the fat bitches got some exercise.
#sexism