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The sickest, rudest, most offensive, inappropriate & politically incorrect jokes — we've got them all!
Mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the fairest of them all
The mirror sighed and gave a grunt
And said "not you, you ugly cunt"
#other
Why do hurricanes get lousy names, like Sandy?
Name that thing Hurricane Death Megatron 900 and I guarantee folks will be evacuating like they need to.
#other
Turns out Jesus really was black...
He lived at home until he was 30, was homeless for two years, and wound up on death row.
#religion
The first time I asked a woman to make love to me my hands were sweating and shaking uncontrollably...
I'd never pointed a gun at anyone before.
#sexandshit
What's the difference between a coffee shop and a brothel?
I'd never ask for a large black in a brothel.
#sexandshit
Roses are red, violets are blue...
We're having sex tonight, cause I'm stronger than you.
#events
Trump's wall will cost 21.6 billion, Nasa's budget is only 19 billion.
Probably because Mexico has more aliens.
#racism
Donald Trump has announced that America is going to get tough on countries that harbour Islamic Extremist's.
France has already surrendered.
#racism
A young girl comes home one day and approaches her father, who is sitting in the living room.
"Daddy," she says, "a strange man did something bad to me at the park today."
The father, suddenly very attentive, turns to face his daughter.
"Oh, god... okay, sweetie, you need to understand that it absolutely wasn't your fault, and you will not get in trouble for telling me about it. Can you explain what happened?"
"Well," the girl begins, "I was playing in the sand, when the man came up to me and told me to come with him behind a tree."
"Oh, god," mutters the father. "Then what?"
"Then he pulled down his pants and showed me his thing."
"Oh, god!" the father exclaims. "What happened next?"
"Then," the girl continues, "he pulled up my dress and touched me on my underwear."
"Oh, god!" shouts the father. "Sweetie, what happened after that?"
The girl answers with a shrug. "Nothing. That was it."
"Well, make something up! I haven't finished yet!"
#sexandshit
I once went on a date with a girl who didn't swallow.
Soup everywhere.
#sexandshit
I really hate having bi-polar, it's brilliant!
#illness
A black guy in a library asked me where the colored printer was.
I replied, "Dude, it's 2017, you can use any printer you want."
#racism
The Liverpool team visited an orphanage in Liverpool today.
“It’s heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope,” said Bradley aged 6.
#sport
I went up to a girl in the club last night and said, "That's a nice dress. Do you know what it'd look even better on?"
"Let me guess," she sighed, "Your bedroom floor?"
"No," I replied, "A better-looking girl."
#sexandshit
Dear Muslim refugees: just pretend to be Christian.
That's what most Christians do anyways.
#religion
When the cops came for black people, I remained silent;
I was not black.
When they locked up the Muslims, I remained silent;
I was not a Muslim.
When...
They never showed up again coz the community was so much safer.
#racism
If wanking in the street is illegal, where the fuck do homeless people do it?
#sexandshit
I was thrown out of school for shitting on the teacher's desk.
My wife said she'll do parent's evenings from now on.
#sexandshit
I was walking past a sex shop when my daughter started pointing at the window saying, "Please daddy, will you get me one?"
"No way!" I said.
"Awk, daddy," she sobbed. "But I really need it?"
"Why?" I asked.
"Because my room is bloody freezing with no window!"
#other
My 6 year old asked me one those "awkward" questions that eventually all boys ask.
"Daddy... Why is Mummy such a cunt?"
#other
What's the difference between tired and exhausted?
When you run in front of a car, you get tired. When you run behind a car, you get exhausted.
#other
"Have you not got a girlfriend?"
"No dad."
"Do you think you will ever get a girlfriend?
"No dad, not at all."
"Are you gay?
"No dad, and will you please fuck off with your lesbian fantasies."
#sexandshit
I had sex with my girlfriend last night.
It was her first time so she bled. I told her not to worry, in a few years she'll bleed every month.
#sexandshit
As I lay in my new girlfriend's bed, I noticed four lines carved into the headboard.
"Is that how many men you've slept with?", I asked.
"Yes", she replied, "One thousand, one hundred and eleven."
#sexandshit
Whilst walking down my local high street I was approached by a charity worker.
"I'm sorry to stop you sir." she said.
"That's ok, you haven't. " I replied as I carried on walking.
#other
What's the difference between Christmas and 9/11?
Muslims don't celebrate Christmas.
#racism
I just saw a poor old lady fall over in the snow.
Well I'm guessing she was poor, she only had 86p in her purse.
#crime
When I see a girl, I first look at her hair. Then at her eyes, lips, neck...
Damn dial-up!
#sexandshit
My dad always told me he never made the same mistake twice
Must be why I'm an only child.
#other
A Muslim walks into the U.S...
Just kidding.
#news