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The sickest, rudest, most offensive, inappropriate & politically incorrect jokes — we've got them all!
Anyone who says marriage is an equal partnership is talking utter bollocks.
I gave up my mates, my motorbike, drinking, drugs, gambling...
All she gave up was fucking sex.
#sexandshit
I have CDO...
It's like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order... as they should be.
#illness
I am trying to get some sleep. It's 2am and the woman next door is making a terrible racket.
If she won't shut up I might even take her advice and call the police.
#crime
2 reasons why I don't give money to homeless people:
1. They need money for drugs.
2. I need money for drugs.
#other
I called the Suicide Hotline in Iraq...
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
#news
If I had a penny for every time someone called me sexist...
I'd probably be earning more than the average woman.
#sexism
I said to my dad, "I'm thinking of inviting someone special in my life over for dinner tomorrow."
"That's fine, as long as she isn't black!" he chuckled.
"Don't worry," I replied, "He isn't."
#sexandshit
I've just seen my son carrying the toaster up to the bathroom.
"Fat bastard", I yelled at him.
#mortlality
A man sees a lady with big breasts.
He asks, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?"
He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
#sexandshit
Mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the fairest of them all
The mirror sighed and gave a grunt
And said "not you, you ugly cunt"
#other
Why do hurricanes get lousy names, like Sandy?
Name that thing Hurricane Death Megatron 900 and I guarantee folks will be evacuating like they need to.
#other
Turns out Jesus really was black...
He lived at home until he was 30, was homeless for two years, and wound up on death row.
#religion
The first time I asked a woman to make love to me my hands were sweating and shaking uncontrollably...
I'd never pointed a gun at anyone before.
#sexandshit
What's the difference between a coffee shop and a brothel?
I'd never ask for a large black in a brothel.
#sexandshit
Roses are red, violets are blue...
We're having sex tonight, cause I'm stronger than you.
#events
"There's two things you need to know about anal sex," I told my girlfriend.
"Firstly, it hurts.
Secondly, I don't care."
#sexandshit
I've created a shoe made out of Lego, so when you step on Lego it doesn't hurt.
You just get taller.
#other
What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?
A PDF File
#sexandshit
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common:
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
#politics
What do you call a homosexual Russian knight?
Sergei.
#sexandshit
Why did Michael Jackson invent the Moonwalk?
It was a great way to get out of kids' bedrooms unheard.
#celebrities
I can't see those guns made on 3D printers catching on.
If HP make the cartridges it will be cheaper buying an AK-47.
#crime
Snow is like black people.
As long as it stays off my driveway and away from my car, it's cool.
#racism
I hear Kim Jung-Un has read every book ever written...
That's why they call him the Supreme Reader.
#racism
When the cops came for black people, I remained silent;
I was not black.
When they locked up the Muslims, I remained silent;
I was not a Muslim.
When...
They never showed up again coz the community was so much safer.
#racism
If wanking in the street is illegal, where the fuck do homeless people do it?
#sexandshit
I was thrown out of school for shitting on the teacher's desk.
My wife said she'll do parent's evenings from now on.
#sexandshit
I was walking past a sex shop when my daughter started pointing at the window saying, "Please daddy, will you get me one?"
"No way!" I said.
"Awk, daddy," she sobbed. "But I really need it?"
"Why?" I asked.
"Because my room is bloody freezing with no window!"
#other
My 6 year old asked me one those "awkward" questions that eventually all boys ask.
"Daddy... Why is Mummy such a cunt?"
#other
What's the difference between tired and exhausted?
When you run in front of a car, you get tired. When you run behind a car, you get exhausted.
#other