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The sickest, rudest, most offensive, inappropriate & politically incorrect jokes — we've got them all!
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
#other
Ever wondered what Noah did with all the animal shit on the Ark?
He shovelled it off and Christopher Columbus discovered it 2000 years later.
#racism
My mate's dad says he used to be a cook in the Veitnam war.
Well, he actually dropped napalm on the Viet Cong. Same thing I suppose.
#racism
When you make a joke about gay people they normally take it the wrong way...
How fucking ironic!
#sexandshit
Why do all black people grow up fast?
Because the slow ones end up in prison.
#racism
Donald Trump goes to a fortune teller and asks "When am I going to die?"
The fortune teller replies: "You will die on a major Mexican holiday."
Trump asks: "Which Mexican holiday? Cinco de Mayo? Dia de los muertos?"
The fortune teller replies: "Any day you die, Donald, will be a major Mexican holiday!"
#politics
A Somali arrives in England as a new immigrant.
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr Englishman for letting me in this country!" But the passer-by says, "You are mistaken, I am a Pakistani".
The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in England!". The person says, "I no English, I flom Hong Kong".
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful England!" That person says "I am from Iran, I am not English".
He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you a English citizen?". She says, "No, I am from Romania!" So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where are all the English?" The Romanian lady looks at her watch, shrugs and says, "Probably at work".
#racism
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
#sexism
I never forget my sons first words...
"Where the fuck have you been for 16 years?"
#other
I went to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken. Met a girl dressed as an egg. A question as old as time was answered.
The chicken.
#sexandshit
Ever since I became a cop I have to deal with rape victims on a daily basis.
Apparently women trust you much more when you wear a police uniform.
#crime
I got into an embarrassing situation at a swingers' party last night. I snuck up behind an older lady, started fucking her from behind then looked up and suddenly realised that the guy at the other end of the spitroast, getting a blowjob, was my dad.
I said, "After 30 years of marriage I can't believe you're being unfaithful to mum."
He said, "I'm not."
#sexandshit
There's no "I" in "team" but there are 5 in "individual brilliance".
#other
Why are students allowed to have a bible during testing?
It doesn't have any answers.
#religion
I walked into the pub and shouted, "All Muslims are cunts!"
A bloke stood up and said, "I'm very offended by that."
"Why," I asked, "are you a Muslim?"
"No," he replied, "I'm a cunt."
#racism
Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang.
The sound is proving difficult to decipher, but they have narrowed it down to either "Oops" or "Ohh shit."
#other
I think it's interesting how people sleep differently.
I usually sleep on my back, my brother sleeps on his stomach, and my ex sleeps with half of this town.
#sexandshit
My physics teacher told me I had potential.
Then he pushed me off the roof.
#other
What do vaginas and the mafia have in common?
One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
#sexandshit
Apparently, someone has been shot with a starter pistol at the athletics track.
Police think it was race related.
#racism
I phoned the Child Abuse Hotline.
A kid answered, called me a cunt and told me to fuck off.
#other
The bright young Jewish boy in my class handed in an absolutely fantastic essay about the Holocaust.
It was so good that I gave him a gold star.
#racism
My new girlfriend asked me how many girls I’ve slept with.
"Eleven," I replied.
"Wow! You must be a player," she laughed.
"No," I said, "I’m their coach."
#sexandshit
A little boy was looking through the keyhole of his sister's room.
Mom says with a smile, "why are you concerned with what your sister is doing in there?"
Boy replies, "I am not concerned with her, I am wondering what dad is doing."
#sexandshit
What's it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down?
Marriage.
#sexandshit
Teacher: "What do you do after school?"
1st Student: "I go and buy weed from Yakobo."
2nd Student: "I always go and buy cigarettes from Yakobo."
3rd Student: "I go and buy cocaine from Yakobo."
4th Student: "I always stay at home and do my homework."
Teacher: "You are a great student, I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a good example to other students. What's your name?"
4th Student: "Yakobo."
#crime
Using just one hand I can count 11 reasons incest is bad.
#sexandshit
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says: "Make me one with everything"...
After a brief chuckle at the monks joke the vendor hands him his hot dog with everything and says, "That'll be $4 please."
The monk hands over a $10 bill and waits whilst the vendor just stares back at him... Awkwardly the monk ask's, "What about my change?"
"Ah," replies the hot dog vendor, "Change must come from within."
#other
Due to the recession and to save on energy costs, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off.
#other