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The sickest, rudest, most offensive, inappropriate & politically incorrect jokes — we've got them all!
"Dr. Dre didn't know Eminem was white until he first met him"
And Eminem didn't know Dre was there until he turned on the light
#racism
There's a beautiful blonde woman on the beach, no arms no legs...
A man walks passed her and she says, "Excuse me, could you please hug me? I've never been hugged before." The man, feeling bad for her, picks the lady up, hugs her, and puts her back down and goes on with his day.
Later that day, a second man walks passed her and she says, "Excuse me, I've never been kissed before, would you please kiss me?" So the man, similar to the last, picks her up, kisses her, puts her back down, and continues on with his day.
Later on, a third man walks passed her and she says "Excuse me, I've never been fucked before, would you please fuck me?" So the man picks the lady up, throws her into the ocean and says, "Well, you're fucked now."
#sexandshit
How do you know that an introvert likes you?
He looks at your shoes instead of his.
#other
My wife and I are doing role reversal to spice up our sex life...
She's going to be the aggressor, and I'm going to lay there like a corpse.
#sexandshit
When I get a dog, I am going to name him Franz Ferdinand
So I can take him out.
#other
My girlfriend said we should experiment more in the bedroom.
This morning we synthesised a new protein chain.
#other
A Chinese baby was born prematurely.
Parents named him Sudden Lee.
#racism
"You the bomb."
"No, you the bomb."
A compliment in America.
An argument in the Middle East.
#racism
Whats the difference between your mother and a bowling ball?
I can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
#sexandshit
Lying is dangerous.
If you repeat the same one often enough, it can become a religion.
#religion
Study: Americans safe from gun violence except in schools, malls, airports, cinemas, workplaces, streets and their own homes.
#crime
The navy drove some Somali pirates back by playing Britney Spears songs.
Playing Justin Bieber would contravene the Geneva Convention.
#celebrities
What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig ?
The letter F ?
#politics
Alcohol is a marvelous thing. It makes you see double but feel single.
#other
What's worse than a bee sting?
2 bee stings.
What's worse than 2 bee stings?
The Holocaust.
What's worse than the Holocaust?
3 bee stings.
#racism
Alcohol is a perfect solvent.
It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
#other
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None, it should already be open when she brings it.
#sexism
"Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? "
"No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"
#politics
A Greek, a Spaniard and a Portuguese all walk into a bar. Who pays?
Germany.
#politics
Cellphones are like kids.
If you can't find yours after a couple days, it's probably dead.
#mortality
My girlfriend said that I should use the term 'make love' instead of 'fuck.'
What the make love is she talking about?
#sexandshit
What's the difference between Cinderella and Princess Diana?
At midnight Cinderella's car didn't turn into a wall.
#mortality
Congratulations West Ham, the only club named after two things that ISIS hate.
#racism
I was having sex with my wife last night when she suddenly yelled, "Dave! Get your cock out of my arse!"
"Just relax." I said, "You might like it."
"Relax?" she screamed, "What the fuck is Dave doing here?"
#sexandshit
I ordered a leather sofa off the Ikea website last week.
They sent me a dead cow and some instructions on how to skin it.
#other
A marriage counsellor asked a couple, what they had in common.
The husband says, "Well, for starters, neither of us suck dick."
#sexandshit
I was invited to a party...
"Black tie only" was written on the invitation card. When I got there, I noticed that other people worn shirts and pants, too.
#other
Sometimes to impress Girls, I use big words, that I don't fully understand, in an effort to sound more photosynthesis.
#other