The Onion

04 Dec 2022 22:30

Scientists Discover Dangerous Link Between Book Learnin’, Back Talk https://bit.ly/3VEro7z

The Onion

04 Dec 2022 21:30

Man Who’s Been In A Bunch Of Buildings Figures He’d Be A Pretty Good Architect https://bit.ly/3it1HYS

The Onion

04 Dec 2022 20:00

“God doesn’t exist, so why celebrate him?” https://bit.ly/3OUHGq5

The Onion

29 Nov 2022 20:00

“My new, much older boyfriend says I shouldn’t talk to you.” https://bit.ly/3u86zoz

The Onion

29 Nov 2022 18:15

Most Popular Sex Toy In Every State https://bit.ly/3ioSKQg

The Onion

29 Nov 2022 17:30

Bowl Of Soup Brings Man’s Lifetime Carrot Total To 11 https://bit.ly/3VfwyX7

The Onion

29 Nov 2022 15:15

Unless you want to look like a fucking dumbass, it’s usually best to avoid texting teens at all costs. But if you absolutely must, here are the emojis that Gen Z hates the most and why. https://bit.ly/3XCUNjM

The Onion

29 Nov 2022 05:00

https://www.theonion.com/10-things-that-will-make-you-super-nostalgic-for-the-9-1843592545?utm_campaign=The+Onion&utm_content=1669694404&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_source=twitter

The Onion

29 Nov 2022 04:00

Man Pulling On Loose Hangnail Slowly Unravels Skin From Entire Body https://bit.ly/3ATQwhY

The Onion

29 Nov 2022 02:30

It Kind Of Pathetic How Excited 3-Year-Old Is To See Daddy Home From Work https://bit.ly/3u8R3sC

The Onion

29 Nov 2022 00:15

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine https://bit.ly/3XJrNHg

The Onion

28 Nov 2022 22:00

Cyber Monday Retailers Worried Americans Not Ready To Buy Goods Over World Wide Web https://bit.ly/3GTzHYw

The Onion

28 Nov 2022 21:18

Child Who Just Lost Balloon Begins Lifelong Battle With Depression https://bit.ly/3GTb7qI

The Onion

28 Nov 2022 19:00

Marvel Not Even Bothering To Replace Green Screens With CGI Anymore https://bit.ly/3u3OlVs

The Onion

28 Nov 2022 18:46

Republican Lawmakers React To Anti-LGBTQ Violence
https://bit.ly/3XzmdHn

The Onion

04 Dec 2022 22:00

“I highly doubt it would feel as good as a semen-encrusted sock.” https://bit.ly/3uivcze

The Onion

04 Dec 2022 20:30

Car Ride Devoted To Explaining What Things Will Be Different About Grandma This Visit https://bit.ly/3ELZcs0

The Onion

04 Dec 2022 19:30

Gynecologist Inserting IUD Promises Woman It Will Be Just A Quick Pinch And Then She’ll Be On The Floor Unconscious https://bit.ly/3gRIcIV

The Onion

29 Nov 2022 19:00

Nation’s Old Men Announce Plans To Wake Up At 5 A.M. And Argue With Other Old Men Around Table At McDonald’s https://bit.ly/3gMj3iE

The Onion

29 Nov 2022 17:45

Point: A Self-Driving Tesla Ran Over My Son

Counterpoint: Elon Musk Is Revolutionizing The Way We Kill People https://bit.ly/3PPs6fB

The Onion

29 Nov 2022 16:45

Frontier Airlines Shuts Down Customer Service Phone Line https://bit.ly/3ufVgux #WhatDoYouThink?

The Onion

29 Nov 2022 14:30

Man Returns To Work After Vacation With Fresh, Reenergized Hatred For Job https://bit.ly/3Ufyeid

The Onion

29 Nov 2022 04:45

Area Man Outraged His Private Information Being Collected By Someone Other Than Advertisers https://bit.ly/3UfBgmr

The Onion

29 Nov 2022 03:15

Report: World's Lone Non-Telepathic Individual Still Completely Unaware https://bit.ly/3i8PdFp

The Onion

29 Nov 2022 01:45

Laid-Back Company Allows Employees To Work From Home After 6 P.M. https://bit.ly/3gKnZ7Q

The Onion

28 Nov 2022 22:45

U.S. Black Friday Sales Surpass $9 Billion In New Record https://bit.ly/3Vg5O96 #WhatDoYouThink?

The Onion

28 Nov 2022 21:46

Trump Disappointed After Holocaust Denier Tells Him Holocaust Never Happened https://bit.ly/3VdBBHO

The Onion

28 Nov 2022 19:45

FDA Warns Tying Penis Into Knot Only Prevents 73% Of Pregnancies https://bit.ly/3ihNQV2

The Onion

28 Nov 2022 18:47

Republican Lawmakers React To Anti-LGBTQ Violence
https://bit.ly/3XzmdHn

The Onion

28 Nov 2022 18:45

Republican Lawmakers React To Anti-LGBTQ Violence
https://bit.ly/3XzmdHn