The Onion

05 Dec 2022 23:46

Banned Users React To Elon Musk Allowing Them Back On Twitter https://bit.ly/3XSzRW9

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 23:42

Banned Users React To Elon Musk Allowing Them Back On Twitter https://bit.ly/3XSzRW9

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 23:00

https://bit.ly/3iEGhYy

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 22:00

Elon Musk Announces Plans To Implant Tesla In Human Brain Within 6 Months https://bit.ly/3FCix0B

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 20:30

Over-50 Dating App Filters Matches Solely By Whether They’d Stay If You Got Parkinson’s https://bit.ly/3BaCbhi

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 19:45

Jerry Jones Blasts Media For Trying To Make Segregation Look Bad https://bit.ly/3VPcNWk

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 18:15

Almighty Twitter overlord Elon Musk has begun granting amnesty to accounts banned from the platform before his purchase of the company. Here are what some of those users are saying about their prospective return to Twitter. https://bit.ly/3Bct3sJ

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 17:47

From The Archives: Trump Base Celebrates President For Standing Up To Constitution https://bit.ly/3Vy5t1H

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 17:00

Manually printing lines of text you’ve already input into a computer screen always saves time, energy, and resources. https://bit.ly/3h39UT8

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 16:00

‘Someone’s In Here!’ Says Man In Restroom Asserting Own Existence For First Time In Months https://bit.ly/3Ft38zD

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 14:30

Congress Takes Field Trip To Goldman Sachs To Learn How Laws Get Made https://bit.ly/3yTeFme

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 04:00

https://www.theonion.com/the-best-tourist-attraction-in-every-state-1848830680

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 02:30

Historians Uncover Lost Socrates Dialogues Where He Just Gave Up And Started Screaming That Opponent A Fucking Brainwashed Shill https://bit.ly/3H3b9wg

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 01:30

Woman Suddenly Realizes She Same Age Parents Were When They Were Her Age https://bit.ly/3VoplUZ

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 00:00

https://www.theonion.com/most-famous-celebrity-sexts-of-all-time-1849582155?utm_campaign=The+Onion&utm_content=1670194805&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_source=twitter

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 23:46

Banned Users React To Elon Musk Allowing Them Back On Twitter https://bit.ly/3XSzRW9

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 23:30

Bob Dylan Apologizes For Machine-Printed ‘Signatures’ https://bit.ly/3Ft16PG #WhatDoYouThink?

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 22:45

White House Warns Supply Chain Shortages Could Lead Americans To Discover True Meaning Of Christmas https://bit.ly/3BcBMuW

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 21:15

MLB Owners Hold Separate Meeting For Teams Actually Trying To Win Next Season https://bit.ly/3P6b3Ge

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 20:00

“Necco Wafers needs to preserve its bad boy reputation as a brand that likes to say ‘fuck’ and ‘cum,’ and we can’t trust Elon not to ban us for that sort of stuff.” — William G. Martin (Necco Wafers CEO) https://bit.ly/3P1lTNr

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 19:00

Trump Attempts To Ease Tensions With Jewish Community By Noting He Also Would've Murdered Christ https://bit.ly/3VQ4qtF

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 18:00

8,000 U.S. Soldiers Accidentally Tear-Gassed During Morale-Boosting Activity https://bit.ly/3OZiMFW

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 17:30

Fate Of Christmas Uncertain After Eric Adams Institutionalizes Real Santa https://bit.ly/3P3ZBKU

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 16:45

Man Wakes Up Early To Take In Majestic December Sunset https://bit.ly/3VzHAGS

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 15:15

“Oh, right, my butler told me that was becoming an issue for some of the commoners.” https://bit.ly/3FlnVVI

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 04:30

Report: Your Father Probably Out With One Of His Whores Tonight https://bit.ly/3ESHnaD

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 03:30

Professional Poker Player Banned For Deceiving Opponents By Knowingly Betting On Weak Hand https://bit.ly/3VDbQ3a

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 02:00

After an unexpected pregnancy, it’s not uncommon to hear a man exclaim, “But I wore 21 condoms!” https://bit.ly/3GZHvbd

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 00:30

PornHub Announces Contest To Allow One User Under 18 To View Content https://bit.ly/3XMbrxs

The Onion

04 Dec 2022 23:30

Distracted God Accidentally Puts Baby’s Soul In Envelope To Utility Company https://bit.ly/3GVFLiX