The Onion

13 Dec 2022 14:30

Study Finds Most Effective Method Of Overcoming Procrastination Having Overseer Beat You Whenever You Stop Working https://bit.ly/3iXbYMR

The Onion

13 Dec 2022 05:00

https://www.theonion.com/questions-to-ask-yourself-before-starting-a-new-fad-die-1848321295?utm_campaign=The+Onion&utm_content=1670904003&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_source=twitter

The Onion

13 Dec 2022 04:00

Woman Sporting Sandal Tan Must Have Just Returned From Weekend Aboard $35 Million Yacht Off Coast Of Ibiza https://bit.ly/3HsitBG

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 21:15

Herschel Walker Scrambles To Collect Dozens Of Fetuses That Fell Out Of Pants Pocket https://bit.ly/3Y2Ci8v

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 20:00

https://bit.ly/3HlwEZ4

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 19:00

New Square Feature Allows Customers To Tip With Bible Quote https://bit.ly/3Y0Erlb

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 18:00

Stream the suits’ new single “Inno-vape-tion (PR Remix)”. Drop your favorite vape chemicals in the comments below! #sponsored https://bit.ly/3P8whTW

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 17:00

https://www.theonion.com/what-to-tell-a-10-year-old-who-has-been-denied-an-abort-1849695666?utm_campaign=The+Onion&utm_content=1670342420&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_source=twitter

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 16:00

Employee Offering Suggestion At Meeting Slowly Grows Quieter And Quieter Until Eventually Squeaking ‘I Don’t Know’ https://bit.ly/3VzCfiY

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 14:30

Liberal Relieved He Never Has To Introspect Again After Assembling All The Correct Opinions https://bit.ly/3uoru7d

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 05:00

https://bit.ly/3Frvc6c

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 04:00

Neighbor Arriving Home At Same Time Offers Brief, Beguiling Glimpse Inside Apartment https://bit.ly/3Fpxhj3

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 02:30

Man Worried Harassing Messages He Sending On Dating App Getting Lost Among Abuse From Other Guys https://bit.ly/3HcyxY9

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 01:45

Teen Sick Of Mother Barging Into Room With Clean, Folded Clothes https://bit.ly/3Vux1F5

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 00:15

Extremely Effective Therapist Just Lets Patients Beat Shit Out Of Him For 45 Minutes https://bit.ly/3EWCpda

The Onion

13 Dec 2022 05:30

The only thing more infinite than the scroll is the dopamine. Follow The Onion on TikTok. https://bit.ly/3Hrla6A

The Onion

13 Dec 2022 04:45

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin https://bit.ly/3uLPMIt

The Onion

13 Dec 2022 03:15

Panhandler Really Appreciates It When People Make A Big Show Out Of Patting All Their Pockets https://bit.ly/3BQOnV5

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 20:30

Rat Mother Accused Of Savoring One Child Over Another https://bit.ly/3P4PhSW

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 19:45

Rising Conservative Star Just Guy Wearing Nazi Armband And Crying https://bit.ly/3XYOLtT

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 18:15

Elon Musk announced that he expects to start human trials of the Neuralink brain chip. Here’s what The Onion knows about this project. https://bit.ly/3Fv37ep

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 17:30

Elderly Party Guy Wheeling Around Portable Whippit Tank https://bit.ly/3h0GUvp

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 16:45

Avian Flu Kills 50 Million Birds In Record U.S. Outbreak https://bit.ly/3FwTuvu #WhatDoYouThink?

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 15:15

Your subconscious is tired of trying to communicate with you and is just going to enjoy itself for six hours or so. https://bit.ly/3XVKyHs

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 05:00

Gen Z will bow before their new viral overlords. Join them and follow The Onion on TikTok. https://www.theonion.com/penis-fact-did-you-know-1849854407?utm_campaign=The+Onion&utm_content=1670299208&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_source=twitter

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 04:45

Woman Knows To Stay Away From Certain Parts Of Own Psyche At Night https://bit.ly/3XVVt3V

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 03:15

Middle Couch Cushion Has Clearly Had Harder Life https://bit.ly/3VA1f9A

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 02:00

This November, Herschel Walker will be on the ballot to represent Georgia in the U.S. Senate. The Onion asked Georgians why they are voting for the Republican and former NFL player, and this is what they said. https://bit.ly/3V0gsRC

The Onion

06 Dec 2022 01:00

You work hard for your money. Now, hand it over. https://bit.ly/3h2brc5

The Onion

05 Dec 2022 23:46

Banned Users React To Elon Musk Allowing Them Back On Twitter https://bit.ly/3XSzRW9