The Onion

20 Jan 2023 23:00

European Men Are So Much More Romantic Than American Men vs. American Women Studying In Europe Are Unbelievably Easy https://bit.ly/3QSMcqe

The Onion

20 Jan 2023 22:00

New Zealand Prime Minister Resigns Citing Burnout https://bit.ly/3WlBJEV #WhatDoYouThink?

The Onion

20 Jan 2023 20:30

Alito, Thomas Share Laugh After Discovering They Both Leaked Dobbs Decision https://bit.ly/3wiYf6A

The Onion

21 Dec 2022 05:00

Heroic Passenger Provides Emergency Beverage Service After Flight Attendant Falls Ill

The Onion

21 Dec 2022 04:00

"Jeopardy!" Contestant On Long Winning Streak Only Has Dark Anecdotes Left To Share https://bit.ly/3hkjuBl

The Onion

21 Dec 2022 03:01

https://bit.ly/3G8OEF9

The Onion

21 Dec 2022 02:00

Unsettling PETA Ad Features Sobbing Burger Giving Man Blow Job https://bit.ly/3hkjuBl

The Onion

21 Dec 2022 01:00

Our clothing items have all the correct holes marked for easy application. https://bit.ly/3GB7cP8

The Onion

20 Dec 2022 23:00

Grandma Didn't Exactly Live In 6 Countries Because She Loved To Travel https://bit.ly/3hkjuBl

The Onion

20 Dec 2022 21:55

Save your precious thumb strength for later. You can watch our TikToks without the endless scrolling at https://theonion.com. https://www.theonion.com/please-stop-watching-me-bake-these-macarons-it-makes-m-1849911239?utm_campaign=The+Onion&utm_content=1671569726&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_source=twitter

The Onion

20 Dec 2022 20:30

FIFA Officials Open For 2030 World Cup Bribes https://bit.ly/3V2Yv3t

The Onion

20 Dec 2022 19:00

Drill Sergeant Struggling To Communicate That New Recruits Are, In Fact, The Worst He’s Ever Seen https://bit.ly/3h99fPV

The Onion

20 Dec 2022 17:30

‘They Hate Me–They Hate Me Because I’m Fat,’ Says Sobbing Biden Viewing Latest Approval Ratings https://bit.ly/3Fwtf8L

The Onion

20 Dec 2022 16:30

Giant Aquarium Housing 1,500 Fish Bursts In Berlin https://bit.ly/3G4aiu6 #WhatDoYouThink?

The Onion

20 Dec 2022 15:35

“Fuck you, bitch—that’s the Lord’s day!”

It’s important to put that bitch in his place. https://bit.ly/3WcZDDc

The Onion

20 Jan 2023 22:45

Onion Sports shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in the NFL’s Divisional Round. https://bit.ly/3QWiuR9

The Onion

20 Jan 2023 21:15

Budget Nursing Home Just Giant 100-Foot Hole https://bit.ly/3ZID3V4

The Onion

20 Jan 2023 20:14

The only way to view a wife guy is through a high-powered microscope, making things unnecessarily difficult. https://bit.ly/3WRnLf6

The Onion

21 Dec 2022 04:45

Anti-Abortion Advocate Excitedly Switches Focus To Shaming Young Unwed Mothers https://bit.ly/3hkjuBl

The Onion

21 Dec 2022 03:15

Off-Duty Officer Instinctively Reaches To Turn Off Body Cam During Argument With Wife https://bit.ly/3hkjuBl

The Onion

21 Dec 2022 02:30

Left-Wing Group Too Disorganized For FBI Agents To Infiltrate https://bit.ly/3hkjuBl

The Onion

21 Dec 2022 01:45

Britney Spears Placed Under Conservatorship Again After Court Determines She's Having Too Much Fun https://bit.ly/3PqFeIf

The Onion

21 Dec 2022 00:15

Kavanaugh, Thomas Champion Creating Better Future For Next Generation Of Rapists https://bit.ly/3hkjuBl

The Onion

20 Dec 2022 21:57

“I got in the screening bin, and now I can’t get out.”

If they help you now, you’ll never learn your lesson. http://bit.ly/3HJnupB

The Onion

20 Dec 2022 21:45

Millions of Twitter users asked Elon Musk to step down as head of Twitter in a poll the billionaire created and promised to abide by. What do you think https://bit.ly/3G94eAG #WhatDoYouThink?

The Onion

20 Dec 2022 20:00

Texas Passes Mandatory 24-Hour Waiting Period Before Police Can Engage Active Shooters https://bit.ly/3hkjuBl

The Onion

20 Dec 2022 18:15

Things To Never Say To A TSA Officer https://bit.ly/3HJnupB

The Onion

20 Dec 2022 17:00

Our Annual Year: Best Of June https://bit.ly/3hkjuBl

The Onion

20 Dec 2022 16:00

Man Scared Of Committing To AirPods Just Because He Afraid To Someday Lose Them https://bit.ly/3PmONYt

The Onion

20 Dec 2022 15:15

Wayne LaPierre States Mass Shootings Can Be Perfectly Safe When Carried Out By A Trained, Responsible Gun Owner https://bit.ly/3uTMYJ7