The Onion

22 Feb 2023 17:30

Parents Trick Child Into Eating More Vegetables By Hitting Him If He Doesn’t Eat Vegetables https://bit.ly/3Iv8R8m

The Onion

22 Feb 2023 16:00

2-Year-Old Unaware He’s Basis For 6 Couples’ Decisions Not To Have Kids https://bit.ly/3KRiNb6

The Onion

22 Feb 2023 14:47

“There’s better porn on Twitter.” — @SenSusanCollins https://bit.ly/3xKy6OJ

The Onion

22 Feb 2023 05:30

Gen Z will bow before their new viral overlords. Join them and follow The Onion on TikTok. https://bit.ly/41iogBu

The Onion

22 Feb 2023 04:45

All Of Artist’s Nudes Look Terrified https://bit.ly/41j6gGQ

The Onion

22 Feb 2023 03:15

Girlfriend Really Has Mind Of Its Own Today https://bit.ly/3KsFfL5

The Onion

22 Feb 2023 02:00

Though people beg to be covered in soup, this tradition sends millions to the emergency room each year. https://bit.ly/3YP8MTV

The Onion

22 Feb 2023 01:00

Avoid looking back on your deathbed and wishing you'd spent more time accumulating material possessions. Carpe diem. Shop the Onion Store today. https://bit.ly/3gMt5jR

The Onion

21 Feb 2023 23:30

U.S. Successfully Shoots Down Kid Jumping Too High On Trampoline https://bit.ly/3YQqJS1

The Onion

21 Feb 2023 22:45

Biden Informs Zelensky He Only There To See Ukrainian Woman He Met Online https://bit.ly/3EQ68W3

The Onion

21 Feb 2023 21:53

Saying "circumcision" will get them going long enough to sneak away. https://bit.ly/3IJlXjm

The Onion

21 Feb 2023 21:15

Apologetic Don Lemon Clarifies A Woman’s Relevance Is Not Defined By Age, But Conventional Attractiveness https://bit.ly/3KpAv9h

The Onion

21 Feb 2023 20:25

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The Onion

21 Feb 2023 19:45

Study Finds More Americans Turning To Own Feverish Imaginations For News https://bit.ly/3SnShLV

The Onion

21 Feb 2023 19:00

This Week's Editorial Cartoon: "Channeled Aggression" https://bit.ly/3EqVLrn

The Onion

22 Feb 2023 16:45

Alabama Taking Steps Toward Using Nitrogen As Execution Method https://bit.ly/41l8xkQ #WhatDoYouThink?

The Onion

22 Feb 2023 15:20

“To appease parents upset that the hero only wore a cape and underpants, I released a version where he wore no cape or underpants, but it only made matters worse.” — Dav Pilkey (Captain Underpants) https://bit.ly/3Ewa4el

The Onion

22 Feb 2023 14:30

Never-Before-Heard Buzzword Flying Around Office Can’t Be Good https://bit.ly/3lMPVKi

The Onion

22 Feb 2023 05:00

https://www.theonion.com/breaking-tsh-ch-ch-tsh-ch-ch-tsh-ch-ch-tsh-1849631187

The Onion

22 Feb 2023 04:00

Woman Who Started Sentence With ‘Oh My God’ Really Needs To Stick Landing https://bit.ly/41dRYY5

The Onion

22 Feb 2023 02:30

Frat Nutritionists Dare Americans To Swallow More Live Goldfish https://bit.ly/41hhYBN

The Onion

22 Feb 2023 01:45

Man Up To 8 Soul-Searching Walks A Week https://bit.ly/3IeoL6A

The Onion

22 Feb 2023 00:15

Over 100 Children Found Working Hazardous Jobs At Slaughterhouses https://bit.ly/41dZy4Z #WhatDoYouThink?

The Onion

21 Feb 2023 23:00

“Wanna eat so much elk meat we hallucinate and then yell random opinions at each other?” https://bit.ly/3y1tWCx

The Onion

21 Feb 2023 22:04

Ohio Officials Point At Glass Of Water To Assure East Palestine Residents It Safe To Look At https://bit.ly/3IfSLiC

The Onion

21 Feb 2023 21:34

Weird that they think France accepts returns after 30 days. https://bit.ly/3XSIZcb

The Onion

21 Feb 2023 20:30

Woman Surprised By How Easy It Is To Get Along With Sister Now That They’re Adults Who Never See Each Other https://bit.ly/3KofPhS

The Onion

21 Feb 2023 20:00

Some Catholics use Lent to go without their opposition to abortion and get that little problem sorted out. https://bit.ly/3kitDzL

The Onion

21 Feb 2023 19:19

“They’ve got way too many safeguards for kids.” — @mattgaetz https://bit.ly/3lY4aMl

The Onion

21 Feb 2023 18:15

Mardi Gras is a raucous festival that starts on Fat Tuesday and lasts until Ash Wednesday. Here are the strangest things Catholics do to celebrate the holiday. https://bit.ly/3IGaBwH