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Mirror of /r/asexuality, /r/asexual, /r/aaaaaaacccccccce and /r/aromanticism. Run by @reddit2telegram. @r_channels
I told my husband on accident...it went badly.
Me and my husband (30s, together 6 married 4) were watching YouTube at dinner last night. We watch this channel where people from different lives come and talk about a thing. This episode was about sexualitiy and genders. There was an asexual wife and her straight husband talking about her and how they got through it and before I could stop I said "What would we do in that situation?"
He had been playing something on his phone and without looking up went "If you suddenly became asexual? I do not know. I guess I would help you find Anewplacetolive and then we would get Adivorce." He made the As sound like the A in asexual. He looked at me amused and I must have not been doing good as I thought keeping the pain in my stomach and not my face. He said "Whoa! What is wrong?" and I lost it. It all came out.
I told him how much I loved him and I can not imagine my life without him but no matter what I have tried my entire life I just don't want sex like that. It has come up in my two past relationships but I thought it was because they sucked and were mean so I didn't want it? My husband is so kind though. Now it feels like a color I cannot see. Honestly too I thought it was normal for women to not like sex. My parents didn't spoke let alone touch. In the few times sex comes up with my friends it is almost always complaining about their partner pressuring them for more. I told him I thought I just had to get through it because I knew men needed it and I could just have the other parts of our relationship but it was not working anymore.
He was upset and pale but he has had therapy before so he did not yell at me. He asked me about the sex we had this weekend and if I had wanted to do it. I told him no not really but I loved him so I would. He stood up and excused himself. I tried to explain that it was good in the beginning and I thought I could keep it going for him but by then he had shutdown. He ended up in our caravan and I cried myself to sleep.
This morning he came inside to get ready and I asked if we could talk and he said "I am not ready to talk yet. It has been less than twelve hours since the woman I married told me I have been raping her since whenever "the beginning" ended."
I told him that's dramatic and I never said that and he asked "Okay. What do YOU call it when a person has sex with a person who doesn't want it?" I did not have an answer and he told me he would be home after work and hopefully by then he would have his feelings under control. Before he left later he said "Sorry big feelings" and went to kiss me then stopped and patted my shoulder. He comes home in four hours.
I want to crawl under a rock and never come out. I have written and deleted a hundred texts to him. I know bothering him will only make it worse but I have no idea what else to do. I cannot bring this up to friends and family. We live far away for work and I would not be able to support myself here alone. I do not want to lose my entire life.
What do I do? Is this possible? Is this just what happens if you can not have sex? What do I say to make him not feel that way?
Sorry if this was rambling. I am not at my best.
https://redd.it/1jfy2nf
@asexualityonreddit
The first one kinda sucked idk how this got a sequel
https://redd.it/1jfulwz
@asexualityonreddit
Coming to terms with asexuality made me realise I don't really /need/ a relationship
Up till now I thought I was lesbian or demisexual. The thought of being fully asexual was dreadful to me.
Some years back my friend suggested getting into dating apps. The main reason why I wanted to get into a relationship was because I desperately wanted hugs and cuddles, as I love physical affection and am kind of touch starved.
Everyone around me was dating. So all this seemed normal. Everything in my life told me the message that a romantic relationship is the biggest win in life. It will make you grow, get rid of your problems, make you get the love you always wanted and needed. And so I continued searching for the person who could be the one for me.
However during the last few weeks I started looking into asexuality again. I realised that me still not being sure if I really ever felt sexual attraction and not even being sure what it really feels like is the truth that I'm most probably asexual. I'm still on my way to fully accepting this for myself, but it made me realise that I don't need the things that most people need, and that's okay, I can be this way.
This somehow made me come back to rethinking why I am looking for a relationship. Also I recently lost my closest friend. And all this made me realise that I can be and am okay by myself. Having some friends and myself is enough for me right now. I don't need to be like everyone else and chase for a relationship which I don't even know how it will be or end.
Maybe one day I'll unexpectedly find a person I'll want to spend the rest of my life with. And honestly that sounds way lovelier than me chasing for it right now and then being sad that I cannot find it.
https://redd.it/1jfrxn4
@asexualityonreddit
I couldn’t find an ace ring I liked (or one that fit), so I made one.
https://redd.it/1jfhfun
@asexualityonreddit
To aces who have sex regularly
Hello, if you're ace but have sex regularly just because you're partner is allo, how does it feel? Do you ever feel like this is too much or that you're a fraud and want to give up? And break up? Or do you feel like it's nothing, like it's brushing your teeth or playing ping pong, and you're happy as ling as it makes tem happy? Did you know you were ace before you lost your virginity? Or is it something you realized over time after having ex Did nothing for you?
https://redd.it/1jffmp7
@asexualityonreddit
Bought myself a new necklace
https://redd.it/1jfdgy5
@asexualityonreddit
Garlic bread 🥯
https://redd.it/1jf6xeo
@asexualityonreddit
Can aces have sexual desires without sexual attraction?
This question isnt about myself, i just wanna know abt the asexual community, and to understand it.
So im just here asking weird things and im sorry if they sound odd.
I just wanted to know if asexuals feel sexual desires without attraction?
Cuz i have Heard that sexual attraction was just someone who desires sex with a specific person ( i still dont get it )
And i wanna know if asexuals can have sexual desires without it being addressed to someone, cuz i went to see if i can find if that exist, but i see this instead ‘’ THEY CANT HAVE SEXUAL DESIRE, IF THEY DO THEYRE NOT ACE ‘’ or ‘’ ASEXUAL CANT HAVE A DESIRE FOR SEX, EVEN WHEN ITS NOT ADDRESSED ‘’
….
Pretty sure yall get why Im confused, so i would like some help with that, id appreciate it!
https://redd.it/1jf8cnp
@asexualityonreddit
I despise sex
So I can have the feeling of sexual attraction- and I feel aroused and such- but like- sex is icky- and a lot of work- I don’t want people touching me- I’m fine getting them off tho- but personally I just would rather take care of the chore of getting myself off alone instead of having someone else do it. As such I don’t really like it when girls or guys want me to use my pp- cuz the idea of having sex turns me off. I don’t enjoy porn. Is there something wrong with me or does this fall under the umbrella of ace?
https://redd.it/1jf3mxb
@asexualityonreddit
Meh-sexual
https://redd.it/1jf1u6m
@asexualityonreddit
Am I asexual (aego) or just traumatized?
I am very new to this, so I am honestly sorry if I say something dumb or insensitive.
I guess the main question I want to ask may seem that way, so I want to start with a disclaimer that I know you can simply be asexual because well.. you are. Like you can be any other sexuality. I stumbled upon the term aegosexual a couple of days ago and instantly related to it. I had told my ex-boyfriend a couple of times during our relationship that I sometimes felt like I was asexual, but I couldn’t be because I still felt attraction etc. and it just makes so much sense now.
However, I’m having a very hard time dealing with it, because I have always felt that my sexuality and healthy feelings towards men were stolen from me because I was abused when I was 5 years old. I have always linked my sexual struggles to it and thought that I would gradually learn and heal, and I was sort of doing it. I wanted to enjoy sex… and still do.
I guess the problem is that I don’t WANT to be aegosexual. For example, when I found out I had ADHD, I did have to grieve the version of myself that I craved to be for so long and had to accept would simply not exist, but it didn’t feel like this. I took it as a kind of challenge and immediately started looking into how I could help myself make life easier, accepting that I would need to be creative and find ways to function within my limits. I also welcomed the advantages of it.
However, in this case I am very conflicted. I just don’t see the advantages and I feel this huge anger and helplessness, because deep down I still see it as a result of my abuse. I’m bisexual (or biromantic i guess xd) and I have not felt that as being a result of the abuse, so I do feel kind of a hypocrite for relating one sexuality to it and not the other.
I wanted to ask if any of you (or someone you know) thought you were asexual, but it ended up being a result of trauma and you “treated” it (not that being asexual is wrong and HAS to be treated, I’m just talking about the specific case of it being linked to trauma and not real asexuality) I have been looking at information and it is a bit contradictory and triggering. I also can’t go to therapy at the moment, so any books, exercises or simply your experience would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for reading all this (sorry if something makes no sense, English is not my first language), and thanks for existing. Even though I'm literally asking you how I can stop being this way (first stage of grief, am I right? XD) knowing that I am not crazy or alone…I can’t describe it.
https://redd.it/1jeyahg
@asexualityonreddit
kissed a girl i thought i liked and felt nothing?
So I've been friends with this girl for about a year (I'm also a girl btw, we're both in our 20s) and the entire time there's been this flirty vibe between us. I always went along with it because I thought I was into it, but we never really did anything about it. We kept getting flirtier and flirtier until last night, we cuddled while watching a movie. I really enjoyed cuddling with her and I felt really nice. but then she started kissing me and i felt... nothing. Like, I really didn't like it. I was too shocked about it to tell her and we left kind of in this liminal space of we're probably dating but we haven't communicated about it yet. I'm really nervous. Did I not like her? I've identified as ace since high school cause I don't get physically attracted to other people and I also hardly get crushes. I can't tell if maybe I've overhyped a potential relationship with this girl for so long that maybe it was all in my head? or maybe it's just an asexual thing that I have to accept. I've kissed people before, but never romantically, so I've never gotten the 'butterflies' that people talk about. I feel like I need to decide what this means ASAP so I can communicate with her and either let her down easy or tell her the kind of relationship I need in order for us to work. Send help!
In an entirely separate note, me and this girl are in the same friendgroup and everyone has been rooting/waiting for us to get together. If i really don't like her, how do I get myself out of this situation without destroying my friendgroup? I feel so shitty.
https://redd.it/1jcnyin
@asexualityonreddit
am I asexual/in the spectrum?
Ive been wondering for a while whether or not I’m asexual. For me, sexual activities can be enjoyable but not for sexual reasons, I enjoy the closeness of the act while not enjoying the acts themselves, or I enjoy knowing I make my partner feel good. I don’t have much/any desire to be sexual with my partner, and if it wasn’t something she wanted I could honestly go my whole life without ever doing anything sexual again.
https://redd.it/1jcm8mw
@asexualityonreddit
Flag Questionnaire
Hey people,
i recently stumbled upon a survey Ashabi from @ aceingrace on instagram did and since i haven’t seen it anywhere else i wanted to put it here. here’s the link to the questionnaire: https://survey.typeform.com/to/EeIgyMXK
a bit of background info: some time ago the topic of the white stripe in the flag and its meaning came up and a lot of people who answered the survey didn’t like its meaning. (the white stripe stands for ‚Sexuals, especially allo partners of ace people & allies‘)
so yeah a lot of people where bothered with that meaning. So Ashabi started the questionnaire after talking to people from the AVEN board, to make the flag more inclusive and change the meaning of the white stripe.
here’s their most recent post about the current situation on the questionnaire: https://www.instagram.com/p/DHMg3SPP15v
https://redd.it/1jcj2ke
@asexualityonreddit
I came out to my mom
https://redd.it/1jcfz6j
@asexualityonreddit
Just get it off my chest.
Never had a libido growing up - thought it was due to depression or low self-esteem etc I am now 30 and have not evolved into a ‘normal’ person so just want to come clean to strangers on the internet - I am 99% sure I am asexual. Only thing I find arousing is femdom scenarios not porn not sex can’t force myself to pretend otherwise feel like a dishonest pos for not coming clean earlier. It is what it is.
Thanks for reading.
https://redd.it/1jft996
@asexualityonreddit
Based in Risa
https://redd.it/1jfo4yn
@asexualityonreddit
My coming out did not go as well as I thought
I posted literally just a few days ago about how I came out to my mom and it went great, she bought me earrings with the ace flag on them. Well she flew home and has been calling me. To summarize a combination of phone calls, she’s been crying, talked to her best friend and therapist, was told to read up on “stuff” so she went to the library and checked out some books, (she didn’t elaborate what “stuff” or what books). She suggested I pray to God to change me. She thought I was being defensive when I wasn’t, which is not her usual. She implied that I threw her into it and that I didn’t give her time to process and that she’s really struggling with it. She wanted permission to tell my grandma bc they live together, I said no, I’ll tell her. I feel like I’m being pushed into coming out to my grandma sooner than I wanted. I was going to wait for the right time in person, now my mom wants it done right away. I’ve been sharing information about queer related news and facts for years. I almost came out to my mom on a phone call a couple years ago. I think I broke my mom. She can’t handle a lot. I know I didn’t do anything wrong, but now I think shouldn’t have told her anything. And like, asexuality is like the least “scandalous” thing, like I literally DON’T want to fuck people, I don’t understand why this is hurting her so much. I’m proud of how calm I’ve been and I stand behind all of my responses. I just keep explaining what asexuality is to me, that it’s a spectrum, that I’m pretty sure I’m pan-romantic, that it’s something that is just a fact, a part of me that I’m proud of and it’s really not her problem. I even asked her how knowing myself better would do anything else but bring me closer to God. (I’m still figuring out some religious stuff but that’s beside the point). This just blew up in my face and I feel stupid for expecting or accepting anything different. I just feel so crumpled. I grew up the same way, I thought I could kind of break her out of it like I did. I used to be hella homophobic and transphobic bc that was all I was exposed to. I thought if I shared what I learned, I thought that if i shared that I’m one of “them”, that she’d change her view. She can’t decipher between God’s word and preachers. To her, they are one in the same. I’m scared of getting screamed at by my grandma when I tell her. There’s nothing I can do but stay calm and be honest. Any advice?
https://redd.it/1jfh7jx
@asexualityonreddit
Made myself an ace ring
https://redd.it/1jfh7se
@asexualityonreddit
I can't believe a gar did that
https://redd.it/1jf90gz
@asexualityonreddit
Me fr.
https://redd.it/1jf65vy
@asexualityonreddit
Are You Aro (Advice)?
**Hi everyone!**
Welcome to our weekly Advice post about Aromanticism! Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.
**Do any of these resonate with you?**
\* You rarely (if ever) experience crushes on others.
\* You find the idea of a romantic relationship unappealing, and prefer strong platonic bonds.
\* You've been in romantic relationships but felt like you were going through the motions.
\* You've researched what crushes are "supposed" to feel like, but can't relate.
These are just a few signs you might be Aromantic. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and every person's experience is unique.
\*\*Have questions about aromanticism or your own identity?\*\* Ask away in the comments below, and we'll and your fellow Aro’s will do the best to help!
* [**More signs that you are Aro**](https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro)
* [**Honeymoon Phase**](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase)
* [**Types of attraction (might be incomplete)**](https://types-of-attraction.carrd.co/)
https://redd.it/1jf7oue
@asexualityonreddit
Garlic bread Bagel
https://redd.it/1jf6zcr
@asexualityonreddit
Can an asexual get aroused/horny during sex?
if you get aroused or horny when giving or receiving oral with your partner and find that hot, can you still be asexual?
wikipedia says: Fischer et al. reported that "scholars who study the physiology of asexuality suggest that people who are asexual are capable of genital arousal but may experience difficulty with so-called subjective arousal." This means that "while the body becomes aroused, subjectively – at the level of the mind and emotions – one does not experience arousal."
so you really cant get mentally aroused and be asexual at the same time?
https://redd.it/1jf2gdp
@asexualityonreddit
Talked about her being asexual.
I talked with my wife about her possibly being asexual. I just blurted it out. I have been suspecting for a long time now. Long story short. She said that she thinks that she is. She immediately teared up and didn't want to upset me by being asexual. I told her that if she is Asexual it is OK with me. I want her to ber herself and not hide. I fell that she had a burden lifted off of her. It was a good talk. I think we will talk more.
https://redd.it/1jf0fbh
@asexualityonreddit
Coming to terms with the fact I'm probably ace, after years of trying to come up with excuses why I'm not
So first I was confused about people talking about celebrity crushes when I was a kid/young teenager because I never had any. I figured I just hadn't had one yet, or tried to convince myself that me noticing some actors/actresses were objectively conventionally actractive (though not actually being attracted to them) was a celebrity crush.
Then as a young teenager when plenty of peers talked about attraction and crushes, and I wasn't feeling anything, I figured I'm probably a late bloomer or something and it would come with time. I've had one crush in my life, back when I was 12, on a friend that I had known my whole life. And it was just super innocent things I thought, I wanted to hold hands, go to the park together, lie in the floor and listen to music together, or stargaze. As I got older, I attributed my lack of sexual attraction then to my age.
When I came out as trans at 14, from then on I attributed my lack of sexual attraction, or desire to do anything, to dysphoria.
My dysphoria eased with time but my desire did not increase.
As I got older still I attributed my lack of desire, especially the lack of a libido increase when starting testosterone, to my antidepressants I started at 15.
But when I stopped the antidepressants for several months in an attempt to wean off them, my desire and sexual attraction did not change.
Then I made the excuse that it was my top dysphoria that was standing in the way, and after top surgery I would be comfortable being intimate with someone. I got top surgery at 18 and surprise suprise, nothing changed in terms of sexual attraction or desire.
Then I thought, well maybe it's because of bottom dysphoria, but bottom dysphoria had calmed down and I had stopped wearing a packer everyday because I realised I was just wearing it because I felt like I should, not because I actually wanted to. I had thought maybe I'd want to have sex after bottom surgery, and I was planning on having a full hysterectomy and then phalloplasty and thank god I didn't because I finally took a breath and reevaluated my feelings for the first time since I started transitioning and realised I didn't even want either of those surgeries, and realised I may not even be a trans guy at all. But that's another story for another day.
One of my closest friends talks about sex and has a very sexual sense of humour and more often than not I just don't relate. Every once in awhile he'll ask a serious question about attraction and be quite confused about my complete lack of interest in the topic of sexual attraction because I'm out as bi. I find both men and women cute, don't want to have sex with either, but I've never spoken about this with my friends. As you can see from this post, it's something I've seemingly repressed for a long time. I guess because I was always told by my parents growing up that they will completely accept me no matter who I date whether it be a man or a woman, but overall society treats complete lack of sexual interest as a medical problem to treat so it feels wrong.
But anyway, now I'm 21 and my desire and attraction still has not changed. I get in the mood maybe once a month at most, but even when I do I have no desire to actually do anything with another person.
I think I've run out of excuses lol, I think I'm just ace.
https://redd.it/1jcpw4p
@asexualityonreddit
Just because I enjoyed Fast and Furious, doesn’t mean I want to throw a car of a cliff.
Just because I enjoy reading romantic/erotic fiction, doesn’t mean I want to throw myself of a cliff.
https://redd.it/1jcmapa
@asexualityonreddit
It's ok in fiction imo, but how do people ACTUALLY believe these tropes are ✨romantic✨???
https://redd.it/1jcklq7
@asexualityonreddit
just got told to turn straight
tw: aphobia, homophobia
i vented abt not being able to find a partner due to being an ace lesbian on reddit and someone replied and told me to just "compromise" and "force myself to stomach" being with a man and do sexual things
they also told me that i can "trade" sexualities and "turn straight"
and people upvoted their comment
im so done. i deleted the post but wtf.
https://redd.it/1jcgahh
@asexualityonreddit
aroace circles (geometry dash level) by me
https://redd.it/1jccv1x
@asexualityonreddit