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Mirror of /r/asexuality, /r/asexual, /r/aaaaaaacccccccce and /r/aromanticism. Run by @reddit2telegram. @r_channels
Best "regular" dating apps 2025?
New to ACE dating, so was wondering if there are any regular dating apps that actually allow me (m44) to find ACE woman? I tried Tinder (probably the worst) and doesn't seem to have a filter for sexuality.
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At this point, I am just seeing the possibility of never finding love
This isn't really a vent, because I want to specify that it shouldn't be seen as something negative.
Romance and relationships are the most glorified thing on the planet, and there is quite possibly no other problematic societal construct as equally present everywhere as the notion that one "has" to experience it at some point to lead a fulfilling life.
I feel manipulated and betrayed by this, because it has made me touch-starved for such a huge part of my life. The fact is that I should actually be happy that I got to spend so much time not needing the validation of someone else and get to enjoy the things I want for myself. You don't even need friends or family, although I'm very happy to have plenty of those, being able to take good care of yourself should always be the priority of your desires, and we should stop shaming people for it by calling them lonely or selfish.
I'm still open to a relationship if I were to find the right person, but I no longer actively wish for it. I want to be able to see a future of me just remaining single forever without it being immediately associated with sadness and wasted opportunity. That's actually the attitude my father used to have before he met my mother, and I think that's awesome. He never abides by other people's demands of how he should live his life, doesn't waste his energy on things that don't affect him, and doesn't take meaningless bullshit from anyone. And that's exactly what the notion of romance as a requirement is; meaningless bullshit.
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Diagram based on recent discussions regarding what exactly is sexual attraction and why wanting to do the thing with specific people doesn't guarantee allosexuality
https://redd.it/1jh6a4k
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Okay but why is this a mood tho?
https://redd.it/1jh30wj
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Friend needs help
So my bestie we’ll call her H is just realizing she’s ace and doesn’t know how to feel. She has a VERY christen dad who will basically call you f slurs on a good day even called me her lesbian lover which has become a running joke bc of how close we are and bc she’s only had 2 bfs who were ready for sex when she wasn’t/doesn’t even interested in it. Do any of y’all have any advice for her? Anything will help!
https://redd.it/1jh1ho1
@asexualityonreddit
Proud member of the
https://redd.it/1jgz3mn
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I may be an ace but man horny songs are FIRE 🙏🙏
.
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Ok guys, im serious. What is really sexual attraction ( Im also asking allosexuals here )
Guys, i think were wrong abt it. Apparently sexual attraction is not like a ‘’ want ‘’ or a ‘’ desire ‘’ to have sex with someone.
Its apparently something else. And now im literally freaking out, bc we all got everything wrong.
So let me start by telling a story on how i have found out.
Before i have been taking a break for personal reasons. And yes i now have come back, yippe. I wasnt really here to post, just here to comment and Watch videos ig. Until i have found a post where someone asked a question to miransexuals. And the thing that caught my eyes was one comment and its kinda long and all so i copied it. It basically talked abt how ppl ( especially asexuals ) would misundestand sexual attraction as a want or a desire. But apparently this is what it is
Pasted here :
‘’ This is one of those concepts that I think is difficult to discuss, because it's terminology created to describe a very specific experience, but my understanding is essentially that it's describing what graysexuals traditionally referred to as "muted" sexual attraction. I.e. sexual attraction that is not strong enough to ever act on.
I also see a lot of people use the term "desire" or "want" when comparing this to sexual attraction, but sexual attraction is NOT about active desire or wanting to have sex with someone. It's an entirely unconscious urge towards being sexual with someone. It's literally just our animal brains going, "Oh, that person is a potential mate."
So... yeah, i would say the difference is more in the strength of it, but technically, it IS sexual attraction; it's just very low level. I would actually say I felt this for my bf shortly before full-blown sexual attraction kicked in. Like it wasn't strong enough to feel a need for him, but it was there. Like a little distracting spark that continued to grow. ‘’
Now lemme tell you something. Im questioning my whole attraction again.
I remember the time when i posted something abt my asexuality. I posted abt how that i was afraid that im somehow denying my asexuality and that im just scared that i have accidentally called myself asexual and just unconsciously have sexual attraction for some reason ( im still questioning that )
Now, it makes sense why i still keep questioning. What if i unconsciously have an urge to have sex with a specific person?! This was just the only thing i have questioned. And let me tell you why
( i have said this on my last post before. I feel like mentioning it again for this particular post too. If you dont mind. Btw there would be a Little bit of TMI on this subject )
i also daydream abt sensual things. And when i do i kinda get a…. Arousal ( sorry for making this an uncomfortable subject. I needed to let it out ). And when it happens, there would be sexual thoughts that just pop out of nowhere and, lemme tell you this, They make me UNCOMFORTABLE. They make me feel like throwing up and just disgusted after this happens.
You get the point, they are intrusive sexual thoughts. But anytime i have those thoughts i would still question myself, bc my brain would say things like ‘’ you got aroused by sensual things. It means you have an urge to have sex, and you are gonna like it ‘’ or ‘’ you have an inconscious urge to have sex with them. And you are just denying your attraction ‘’
And this would just be a cycle of doubt abt asexuality.
So yeah, you get the point.
Im afraid that i am i am just denying sexual attraction and was just unconsciously feeling it while calling myself ace cuz maybe i am ‘’ in denial ‘’
So yeah..
The thing that kinda confuses me is that Even allos says that its a desire to have sex. They never exactly mention abt unconscious urges abt it ( maybe be they are unconscious when having them. So they might not know they do have that unconscious urge and just…not mentioning it at all )
So yeah, idk whats true anymore. I Wanna know what yall think, and allos, pls PLSSS tell me what the HECK is sexual attraction?? Id like to know
( might be
My therapist still thinks Asexuality is about libido
Even after I gave her AVEN resources. I have a fucking libido( not much) I give up.
https://redd.it/1jgh94n
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Love language
https://redd.it/1jge5hm
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Are they forcing you to have children too?
I met a guy recently and he's really nice, but like my family he keeps saying that in the future I will get married and get pregnant, when I definitely don't want to. Forcing someone to have a child is bad enough, but when you're a woman it gets worse.This is a brief rant because when people tell me this I feel like crying with rage, why can't they just accept other people's choices? They say I'm going to change and stuff like that, but I know I won't. Anyway, I'm posting this here so I don't go crazy with anger and let it all out.
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I feel like this counts as some aphobia
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“Asexuals are only 1 percent of the population.”
Someone on one of the relationship subs told me the other day I shouldn’t cite the existence of asexual people as an argument for against sex being mandatory in a relationship. Their reason? “They’re only one percent of the population.”
Ignoring the fact that all minorities are valid and the number is certainly higher, I did a little math.
There are 8 billion people in the world. 1 percent of that is 80 million. If the 1 percent statistic is accurate (it is most certainly low), and all 80 million aces formed our own country, it would be the 20th most populous nation on the planet, just between the populations of Germany (85 million) and Thailand (74 million).
Part of the reason I think the estimate is low is the pervasive rhetoric around the importance of sex in relationships. I’m sure a lot of you reading it have tried pushing through to have a “normal” sex life, only accepting that wasn’t for you much later. I sure have.
Still if you hear that argument, it’s analogous to arguing that Thailand doesn’t count as a country. Nor would any of the 180ish less populated countries including the UK (68 mil) or Canada (39 mil) count.
https://redd.it/1jg3c4u
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Ace & allo relationships
For aces that’re in relationships with allo partners- what’re things your partner does to/for you that feel intimate? I’m (allo 28f) married to my best friend (ace 27m) and we’ve been working on different ways to meet each others physical needs (him needing physical space sometimes to feel grounded and me needing physical intimacy <not sex most of the time, mostly kissing, cuddling, hugging> sometimes to feel more connected). A little background: we’ve been married for almost two years, together for four, and been close friends for about a decade. I was his first relationship and he has done a lot of growing into his sexuality and figuring out what he wants/needs and his hard-nos, and I’ve been doing the same (I didn’t have a healthy relationship with sex/romance prior to him). We have done some light couples counseling, and only stopped due to insurence restrictions- we intend to go back once financially able. We connect so well and haven’t stopped laughing together since we met. We both work a lot and I work out of town three days a week, but during the times we’re home we are attached at the hip. We meet each other’s intellectual and emotional needs incredibly well, I feel. We’re both confident in our bond and compatibility, this area of our relationship has been the only thing that we’ve ever genuinely struggled to find a comfortable medium on. I want to know if anyone has any suggestions of different types of intimacy that we could try?
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Idk if this counts, but let's just say, I chose the birds very carefully for a joke
https://redd.it/1jfy35x
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Ok sooo….hear me out
So i just minded my business, just doing weird crap ig…
And then i kinda have like a question for sex-favorable ace who has a strong sensual attraction..
I have hear that strong sensual attraction can sometimes be misunderstood with sexual attraction.
And i was like questioning in my head like… ‘’ imagine someone that has a very strong sensual attraction that desires sex bc they want the sensual part of it, would that Even exist?!! ‘’
And this question was in my head for like THREE DAYS. And here i am asking this question ( mostly for sex-favorables )
Can an ace want sex just because they want the sensual part of it?
And not the person??
Id like to know!
https://redd.it/1jh9ic7
@asexualityonreddit
Does wanting to have a partner while also not wanting it normal?
So sometimes I feel that I want a partner, someone to call mine,go on dates,be sweet to each other or just generally have someone to call your bf/gf but at the same time I don't want it??? like I don't want anyone being that personal to me. Its exhausting just thinking about talking to someone, calling them to update and stuff. It's that normal??
https://redd.it/1jh67b4
@asexualityonreddit
Anyone else feel uncomfortable when a show or movie shows an intimate scene?
Like, I don’t mind a scene where two characters kiss, but when it becomes more intimate, does anyone else feel even a little uncomfortable?
https://redd.it/1jh2lad
@asexualityonreddit
So, that was fun.
https://redd.it/1jh0fg8
@asexualityonreddit
I have a question about aces in relationships with allos
So if you guys are aces and you are dating allos, how did you know what to do when you slept with an allo for the first time. This is assuming that your sex positive or indifferent. Did they just tell you what to do?
https://redd.it/1jh0v94
@asexualityonreddit
If an ace sex therapist existed, would that be beneficial for you?
Hello everyone, I’ve been thinking about this lately how I have never heard of or encountered a sex therapist or (even just a normal therapist) who identified as ace.
Cause I was thinking about how an ace asexual therapist could be good in the way that they are motivated not by trying to “correct” one’s aceness but rather help them become comfortable with it. And furthermore for those who are sex positive aces who want to explore physical intimacy in a way that is safe, someone who has lived experiences as an ace person could be more helpful.
Do you think there a market or need for such a role?
EDIT: My definition of sex therapist here focuses on verbal psychotherapy not physical therapy either clients
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my last post, i dont wanna go crazy on the internet yk )
https://redd.it/1jgri44
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I identify as asexual but my girlfriend says I'm crazy in bed
So, a bit or context. Me and my girl have been together for 2 years. I'm a serious, academic kind of person, and all knowledge I have of sex is purely intellectual. I've been honest with her since we've been together. And the first time we had sex we'd talked it over so much we had an amazing time.
I just go with whatever she suggests. Sometimes I add to her ideas, but that's it. And she says I've given her the best sex she's ever had.
It feels a bit surreal to be called great in bed when you don't even feel the urge to be great in bed.
Has anyone else felt like that?
https://redd.it/1jgmu77
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Halp lol
So idk how to explain well but me and my partner are both asexual and we don't hate the idea of intamacy since I'm demi and they are gray ace
I'm just looking for advice on how to grow depth and intamacy in a relationship without sex
https://redd.it/1jghnr7
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Love language
https://redd.it/1jge6vn
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What character do you headcannon as ace
https://preview.redd.it/644g1r6ckwpe1.jpg?width=203&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=12ce9fc6cfd91160d4cdb34b84b867ff38ce8a93
https://redd.it/1jfyfjo
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Dating an ace cutie!
Hey friends! I've been going out with this wonderful person, who is gender-fluid, panromantic, and asexual (sex-neutral/sex-repulsed). I knew this going into the relationship and I'm happy to say we've gone exclusive and we're girlfriends now!
Anyways, is there any advice y'all can give me? I really like her, and we've been communicating a lot about what each of us is comfy with, what we want in a serious relationship, etc.
General advice is much appreciated, but more specifically, he keeps saying that he doesn't want me to "settle" for him, in regards to that type of intimacy.
I truly don't think I'm settling, I think sex is cool and all but my favorite forms of intimacy are outside of that, and sex is not required for me in a romantic relationship. Is there a way I can make them feel more secure?
Thanks all!
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Am I asexual, it's that I'm not bi or it's just that I'm not prepared to be in this kind of relationship?
Well, I've been in a relationship with a girl since two years ago; she's my first couple, and she asks me to be her girlfriend one day. We were friends, but I told her to see how things move on and then maybe we could be more.
In that time I considered myself as a bisexual, but I always expected to be dating a man first than a woman, because, at least for me, it's more common to see men showing interest in me than women. I always see myself as starting a relationship with some guy, and then we would break for some stupid reason, and with time I would meet another girl or a guy idk, the point is, I never expected to be with a girl as a first relationship.
It wasn't a problem for me ofc our relationship is great; we never fight, and she's a completely green flag, but after the year we both went out of the closet with our parents, and it wasn't too well; she was in a bad mood at that time, and our relationship froze a little bit; the part of sex stopped almost completely. For that time, we started fighting for the stupidest reasons, and we didn't go out as often as we used to.
I guess that with the time I used to be alone again, ofc we chatted every day, and we were fine, but the romantic part wasn't there at all. But suddenly she started to feel alright again; she wanted to have sex with me, but sometimes I wasn't in the mood for that. I never felt that good, like it was fine, but I didn't felt too much pleasure.
I started to feel bad about myself because I couldn't please her, and I asked her to have a time cause I wasn't feeling the same; she understood that part, but then there were certain moments that I felt overwhelmed with just the touch of herself in my arm, for example, or sometimes I didn't want to kiss her at all.
But it wasn't always; I just had times that I felt completely overwhelmed and others that I wanted to be in her arms.
I'm not sure about what's wrong with me. I really love to be with her, and she's not just my partner but my best friend, but sometimes I really don't want to have anything that involves this sexual stuff.
We even had a break not long ago because she didn't want me to feel pressured about doing all of that, but we both missed each other so much that we ended together again, but I started to feel again that maybe this isn't the best for us.
I told her before we started again that maybe I would feel the same and if she was fine with that, cause I didn't want her to be hurt for my problems.
Right now, I really don't know what I'm doing.
I'm not sure if I just don't like to have sex, if I think that I love her, but I really don't, or if I can't notice how I really feel cause I haven't been in any other relationship.
This situation started to make me feel insecure even about my orientation
I'm sorry If I wrote too much. I'm not sure If this goes in this group, I never thought that maybe I could be asexual because I always felt good with just me; ofc that was a stupid idea because you can be asexual and just have a high libido with yourself without having pleasure with another person, but now with this situation it started to make me feel confused about everything I know. Sorry if this is a lot of bullshit; I just want some advice.
English it's not my first language so sorry if i made some mistakes.
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I agree
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General questions about asexuality
I’ve considered myself asexual for a while now, but I’m not sure if it’s “real” asexuality or not. I’d like to hear some opinions/views from other people. Also, don’t be afraid to be honest and tell me this doesn’t sound like asexuality! My feelings won’t be hurt and it’s not a huge part of my identity, I think of it more like an adjective.
So sorry, this will be long.
1. Started feeling this way around the same time I started lexapro (which definitely kills sex drive). If this is 100% the cause, would this still be asexuality or not since it’s medication-induced? I was 20 (I think) when I started lexapro, and I’m now almost 22, so it’s not like I’ve had a long life of understanding my feelings and deep thought behind them.
2. I don’t feel the difference between sexual attraction and general attraction. I understand it, I’ve just never related to it. Say I find someone insanely attractive, I don’t instantly think about them as a potential sexual partner. I’m very sensitive to sexualization from some past trauma, so idk if this is lack of sexual attraction or if it’s a mental barrier of not wanting to invade their privacy/disrespect them.
3. Kind of relating to #2, is sexual attraction exclusively instantaneous or does it include being developed over time? This is more a curious-question as I wouldn’t say my attraction to my former partners changed throughout the relationships in this way.
4. (This one might be confusing, I’ll try to word it best I can). I’m aware that asexuality is the absence of sexual attraction, but how do I know that I’m not feeling sexual attraction if I haven’t felt it? I can read others’ descriptions all day long, but there seems to be a lot of subjectivity to the topic. Or even “I feel a little of this, none of this.”
Tysm if you read this far and tysvm for any responses!
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@asexualityonreddit
