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Mirror of /r/asexuality, /r/asexual, /r/aaaaaaacccccccce and /r/aromanticism. Run by @reddit2telegram. @r_channels
My girlfriend is asexual
Hi! I am here looking for some advise. I am in a committed relationship with an asexual person. They have explained to me how it works for them specifically. They are open to sex as long as I am the one initiating, most of the times I am ok with it, I am also ok when they tell me the don’t want to have sex. However, right now we are in a weird place, where, I have iniciated and they told me they were not comfortable with it since my roommate was home, I told them it was ok, and they proposed we could do it the next day at their place. I agreed.
We are at their place and when I got to bed, waiting for som sort of signal or anything, they just stayed there, since nothing was happening, I asked them if they were comfortable, and their response was that now it felt like a task to complete and they used as an example “doing the dishes”.
And I quote “I can do the dishes at any given moment but when I have it in my mind as a task I gotta complete, the. I don’t want to cause I feel like a don’t wanna do the nasty task of touching dirty stuff”.
This example threw me off and made me feel like now I was the “nasty task to complete”
I always try to be really understanding and never force anything on them, never argue about not having sex, as I am truly happy with our relationship, but this example made me feel rejected like never in my life, and I don’t know how to approach this. They tried and correct and told me that was a really bad example, but the feeling already sunk in. They told me they maybe just need a little bit to come back to feel better after the conversation we had, but now I don’t even know if I wanna iníciate anything (even when I really wanna have sex). Any advice on this?
https://redd.it/1fbtao4
@asexualityonreddit
My sister thinks being ace is abnormal
Today I was talking to my sister about how would my children would be like if I had kids, she was confused as I have told her about me not being attracted to any real life people as I am asexual. She wondered who would I have the children with, and I said a partner if I get one. She kept telling me how the relationship would lead to a divorce because of how I am not sexually attracted to anyone. I don’t understand why she believes that sex is the only reason ppl r married and you have to be sexually attracted to marry someone. I have explained how it is to be asexual to her but she doesn’t listen. She thinks me not being sexually attracted to anyone is a problem and I am abnormal for not being sexually attracted to anyone and being attracted to fictional characters and no real people. She is also ableist to me and says the reason why I am abnormal is because I am special. She is a hypocrite as she claims to be a lgbtqia+ ally and she thinks being ace is abnormal.
https://redd.it/1fbmkdp
@asexualityonreddit
help
as much i would like to be, i am not talking about the hit beatles song in my title but i am in fact talking about my inability to identify if i am asexual or just unable to know what attraction feels like due to my disorders (traumatic upbringing and so i suffer with c!ptsd/bpd). is it possible that these disorders have caused me to be asexual? sorry if that is horribly wrong sounds out of touch or disrespectful in any way
all i know that i’ve sought out relationships heavily in the past as i felt like i needed to be in a serious relationship. i always went for people i found most visually attractive, because nothing personality wise ever really attracted me, and i don’t think i’ve ever been emotionally attracted to anybody ever?
sexually, i’ve been attracted to idols or stars i like, but i’ve literally NEVER had sexual thoughts about a person i’ve been with in real life, and the sex i have had is never thrilling nor have i ever came. i just find it boring. the only time i CAN orgasm is when i do it myself and even then it can take a while 😭 (sorry is this tmi?)
all in all, i’ve never felt that spark people talk of, and i’ve never felt attracted to anyone, but i still one day want my own children etc. and so i’ve never been at peace with my possible asexuality and for years the idea has terrified me. i’m super new to this but i think it might be time to admit my family- oriented housewife desire is only because it’s what i’ve been brought up thinking is the ideal life and i’m really just asexual…
this is more so a vent but i guess to the more…experienced asexuals my question is, what was the moment you realised you were asexual and can you resonate with my post? it would help me gain insight tbh…
https://redd.it/1fbg46y
@asexualityonreddit
ace ass interior design at fancy restaurant in my hometown
https://redd.it/1fbbupu
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Reminder
https://redd.it/1fba6m7
@asexualityonreddit
Tasty Drink
https://redd.it/1fb7bth
@asexualityonreddit
All my ace friends are turning allo.
i am very certain that i am asexual and sex repulsed. but lately all of my previously asexual friends have been turning straight/bi/whatever after meeting one special person. they make me feel invalid because im pretty sure they think ill be the same. it also makes me feel very alienated and scared — because frankly i don’t WANT to be anything other than ace, im very comfortable and happy that way. just wanted to rant but any advice will be appreciated
https://redd.it/1fb1wba
@asexualityonreddit
Requiring Sex in Relationships
I'm writing this post half asleep so apologies in advance if I'm not coherent or misspeak.
I can't comprehend how some allosexuals need sex in a relationship. This doesn't mean I don't think their needs are valid. I just don't understand how sex could be a need. It's crazy to think that some people want sex so bad that it becomes necessary. It's even crazier to realize that most people require sex to be happy. Isn't that insane?? For me the thought of sex is horrifying. It seems so animalistic and objectifying. To me, sex is something far, far away from love. But so many people see sex as a foundational part of romantic love. When someone's partner isn't having enough sex with them, often they view the lack of sex as a result of their partner losing their love for them. Like what??? And then there is the fact that most people have the goal of not dying a virgin. HUH???? Why would you not want to die a virgin??? Why would not accomplishing that goal cause you so much pain??? People really care so much about sex and to me and other aces it will forever feel foreign to us.
I would like to clarify again that I'm not shaming allosexuals. Their feelings are valid. I just will never be able to feel what they feel and it's weird to think about. Also, obviously I know the value of sex in a relationship and the feelings of intimacy it can provide. I'm not here to argue against that, I know why people want sex lol. I'm just here to vent how weirded out I am by allos.
https://redd.it/1faz3qr
@asexualityonreddit
I love y’all
I love you ALL. I feel heard and appreciate y’all stories so muchhh
https://redd.it/1faxfke
@asexualityonreddit
Do you ever wish you weren’t asexual?
I want what others have..
https://redd.it/1fatigp
@asexualityonreddit
THE SACRED BREAD
https://redd.it/1farmep
@asexualityonreddit
Oh god
https://redd.it/1famt3o
@asexualityonreddit
Just a shout out
To all of you. You make this subreddit a much more positive experience for me than the other ace subs. This subreddit continues to be a bright spot in my day.
THANK YOU!
https://redd.it/1fanei1
@asexualityonreddit
SO IT WASN’T ONLY MY ACE ASS who took a HOT MINUTE to understand what they’re talking about 😭 Canon event 🥲
https://redd.it/1fagun4
@asexualityonreddit
Oh Anxiety (reposting for ace humor)
https://redd.it/1faenrv
@asexualityonreddit
Identity crisis because of therapy
I'm 28, she/they, and for a few years now pretty set in being on the ace-spec. And it's not like my therapist is a bad therapist!
I have ADHD and developed a generalized anxiety disorder with a side dish of depression and I'm in therapy for all of that. Since I learned to manage my anxiety better we started to have sessions focused on my ADHD, starting with understanding what even happens that can make life so difficult.
Last session we started with the topic of self-perception, meaning how I perceive my thoughts, feelings, impulses and body sensations and I got completely stumped when we discussed feelings/emotions and body sensations more in depth. I don't want to go into too much detail, but it was along the line of how a big part of emotions and distinguishing between them are physical sensations. And I KNOW I have problems to differentiate between some emotions and reading my body's signals, I even have problems knowing whether I'm hungry or thirsty or if I'm tired or not.
So now I'm asking myself, am I actually ace and low libido or with low sex drive? What if I'm not, but I'm just incapable of noticing body sensations that belong to being sexually attracted or to the feeling of lust? If I'm not good at noticing these things, would that still be considered ace or just a side effect of my ADHD?
And it goes even deeper, I'm even wondering if how I perceive my gender has also to do with these signals I'm not getting or not computing right and if anything about me is something I can just trust in or if I'm essentially just a blob of ADHD side effects that formed my whole being, but that's definitely something I need to discuss with my therapist in our next session, because part of that thought process is definitely my anxiety at work.
https://redd.it/1fbt96a
@asexualityonreddit
Casual Saturday’s
https://redd.it/1fbg5o5
@asexualityonreddit
I hate sex scenes in movies
I can’t stand them. Even the romantic and “tasteful” ones make me uncomfortable. I don’t need a 10-minute montage of two characters fucking that add little to nothing to the plot.
Just show them kissing and falling on the bed and that’s all you need to get the point across. I don’t know it just seems like fanservice or soft-core porn with no substance.
Anytime I’m invited to the cinema I meticulously look up beforehand if there’s any sex scenes or over-the-top make out scene in the movie and if there is I don’t go.
I get uncomfortable watching those scenes by myself so watching with over people is a big no! Even in reality T.V. When they show “showmances” making out I internally sigh lol.
It just seems like everything is so sexual nowadays. Maybe I’m just a prude but I can’t stand it.
https://redd.it/1fbdrsj
@asexualityonreddit
Not sure if this is an ace thing, but it happens far too often
https://redd.it/1fb85bo
@asexualityonreddit
THIS IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT! I made homemade cheesy garlic bread (10 times better than sex would recommend)
https://redd.it/1fb92rl
@asexualityonreddit
I was inspired by the 7 deadly sins meme. (Catholic & Ace)
https://redd.it/1fb6t6r
@asexualityonreddit
Millennial+ asexuals were thoroughly messed over
Sorry, I just need to vent. If I had known wth I was in middle school, my life would have been so much easier. There were no LGBTQIA+ books in the school library when I was growing up. I was stressed out because I couldn't relate. There was no guidance for people like me. So I spent years trying to twist myself to fit into a role that was never meant for me! Had I known early on what I was, I would have had so much more confidence. I could have avoided so much depression. I still struggle with my identity and the severe social pressure to be coupled. I still don't know what asexuality in old age can look like and that's scary.
https://redd.it/1fb1u26
@asexualityonreddit
What has been your favorite reaction to telling people you're Ace?
My personal favorite reaction is when I mention it to people and they're like "oh my friend is ace." Oe "oh this coworker of mine is asexual " as if I know them and every asexual ever knows the other ones.
https://redd.it/1fawn6x
@asexualityonreddit
Allo wife picked sex over me
We're in our late 20s, with kids. Our 2 year wedding anniversary is in less than 4 days.
She's been emotionally withdrawing from me for a year, then started complaining about how we weren't having enough sex. It took me a while to understand there wasn't something wrong with me, that it's just my sexuality. I've tried explaining that I don't prioritize sex, especially if there isn't a solid and deep connection, but that I love her deeply and am attracted to her, but that isn't good enough. She doesn't care to try to make things work or be vulnerable with me anymore. I've bent over backwards for a year changing whatever I could, being open and vulnerable, sharing my issues and struggles, trying many ways to get her to open up to me again. I openly recognize my faults and actively work on/make progress with them.
Found out she's been cheating this last month, sexting (which she believes she's allowed to do because my boundaries are more restrictive than hers) after she told me she wanted to move out.
She can't tolerate that she used to be able to get laid whenever she wanted, was never denied. Doesn't matter what I tell her or do for her, my love isn't good enough for her.
I feel so devastated. This is my best friend. My longest friend (more than half our lives). And currently, my only friend.
I tried for a while to just give in and have sex because she wanted to have sex, but she doesn't seem to understand the psychological burden that puts on me, always spins it like I'm trying to say that she's the problem.
I don't know what I'm going to do. So much of my life is in turmoil now and I just kind of want to disappear. I feel like a failure, like this is all my fault. She told me before we got married she had no problem being in a sexless marriage if that's what it took because she actually loved me for me and who I was. Now all she cares about is sex and puts such a high premium on that that she's willing to throw our lives down the drain.
I feel so alone. The only other relationships I have outside of this one are professional ones (like, mental health providers).
https://redd.it/1fay3sm
@asexualityonreddit
Lil’ ace birb is so confused! Might as well send him some garlic flavored seeds
https://redd.it/1favlxc
@asexualityonreddit
Why do Asexuals have a high suicide rate?
I read we do- more so than other LGBT
orientations.
To me I think it because Asexuality is still medicalized- being told there’s something wrong with and you need fixing doesn’t help.
Leading me to my next point. Denying that Aces are discriminated against. Yes we are.
We get fucked over by the LGBT community and often feel we don’t fit in anywhere.
Trying to navigate a sexual world when we either don’t feel what the vast majority do or don’t feel it in ways they deem acceptable.
All pretty depressing. Then when you go get help from a professional you get told bullshit or that your orientation isn’t real.
Just my opinions.
Thoughts?
https://redd.it/1fasyko
@asexualityonreddit
Am I asexual
Hi, I am girl I have a friend who told me that I could be asexual by my behavior and all. He told me that I never had crushes and I don't have desire to have sex with anyone. But I do have attractions to boys so am I asexual or not
https://redd.it/1fanh8e
@asexualityonreddit
anyone been there?
https://redd.it/1faised
@asexualityonreddit
I think human bodies are gross
I've always been somewhat asexual and grossed out by human bodies. You pee, you poo, you bleed, you ache, there are innumerable diseases and issues you can have. Beautiful people are just skeletons wrapped in good skin, butts are essentially just the top of someone's legs, and boobs are globs of fat that are there to feed babies, they're not a sex tool.
I've always felt this way, but the feelings are intensifying as I get older. I'm not even really attracted to anyone anymore, because I think about what's going on just inside the surface, and it's gross. It's organs and blood and muscle.
Humans put way too much emphasis on things like genitals and beauty when this meatsuit is really just a temporary weird carriage for our suffering spirit.
Anyway... how are you today?
https://redd.it/1fak56o
@asexualityonreddit
Just normal ace activities
https://redd.it/1fae8w2
@asexualityonreddit