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Mirror of /r/asexuality, /r/asexual, /r/aaaaaaacccccccce and /r/aromanticism. Run by @reddit2telegram. @r_channels
A Cool Poster at my School
https://redd.it/1ivvwce
@asexualityonreddit
/r/Asexuality and Men
I'll be honest. I debated even posting this. I think its a complex and multifaceted issue that is likely to make people upset. However, after some recent posts I've seen, I think its worth talking about.
/r/Asexuality has a man problem. More specifically, this subreddit has a problem with generalisation that, on occassion, borders on sexism. This also extends to allosexuals in general, but its pretty clear that most of the time people here talk about 'allosexuals,' they are primarily talking about allosexual men.
I think there are two major parts to this, so I'll talk about them seperately.
1. /r/Asexuality as a female space
Its not a secret that the majority of people who identify as asexual are women or non-binary individuals. There are a lot of reasons for this, both sociological and biological, but the result is that the asexual sphere is pretty woman-centric a lot of the time, which leads to
2. The demonisation of men
Now, don't get me wrong here. I am not denying the fact that some allosexual men are bigoted, or so entrenched within their societal roles that they cannot comprehend the concept of asexuality, or they're just plain dicks. These people absolutely exist and I have met them. However, they are not every man, nor are they aliens. They are individual humans with specific beliefs that are not reflective of anyone but themselves.
Why does this matter?
For multiple reasons.
Firstly, bigotry of any kind is bad. Just because someone of a specific demographic (or even multiple people of that demographic) is hateful, doesn't mean you get to be too.
But beyond that, and more practically, this is an open forum for people to visit. Some of those people will be allosexual men who may hold these views. I am not saying we accept their hatred (the paradox of tolerance applies, of course) but the only way that will ever change is by engaging with these people, and not simply dismissing and demonising them.
Even more notably, there are asexual people who identify as men or are AMAB. They have as much right to this community as anyone else. They should not be treated as outsiders or 'one of the good ones' because they are as asexual as any other people here.
Oversharing time
So, to counter the inevitable response, I am not a man. I am not allosexual. This is not a post about me specifically but of a wider trend I've noticed, in which 'men' are treated as an inherent problem/oppressor class and women (and specifically asexual women) are treated as an inherent victim class to the men, which is just very dehumanising to the men that come here and only helps to fuel the divide.
Trigger warning for the next section: I'll be talking about my personal experiences with sexual trauma on a very surface level. I'm not going in-depth about any of it but, if you don't want to know, feel free to skip it.
>!I have a different experience to many others here. As a child, I was sexually abused by an older girl on multiple occassions, long before I had any sort of understanding of what was going on. As an adult, I have also been sexually harrassed by multiple women while working at a bar.!<
These experiences haven't led me to have a hatred of women or anything. There are many women in my life that I love and respect. I do identify, to some degree, as a woman. However, it has led me to take some ire at the constant reinforcement of men being cast as perpetrators and women as victims that gets pushed in spaces such as this.
Again, I want to make it clear that I'm not trying to devalue anyone's individual experiences, but more to start a discussion and thought against generalisation and demonisation throughout the community.
https://redd.it/1ivwgdw
@asexualityonreddit
Are there any sex-favoralble asexuals that likes receiving sexual acts?
( fyi, im sex-repulsed, so im sorry if this question is very weird. I just wanna understand and know abt other ppls experience with their asexuality )
So i have seen a lot of sex-favorable aces that usually just enjoy giving their partner sex. But what abt the asexuals that like recieving sex? IVe never really seen them before, and i tried finding some to learn abt them, but i cant really find them. So i wanna know if there are sex-favorable asexuals that likes being on the recieving ends ( Idk how to say it im sorry ). Id like to know if you guys exist for some reason. Thank youuu
https://redd.it/1ivou1s
@asexualityonreddit
Found my old test results from the ace spectrum test and forgot they diagnosed me with Uber Aromantic
https://redd.it/1ivlt7i
@asexualityonreddit
Why are people so obsessed with sex?
It’s just something I frequently notice whenever I’m on Reddit or even in real life:
Why the hell are people so obsessed with it? They seem to think about sexual things every day and go crazy over nudity.
It’s so absurd to me because those things never cross my mind and even if I encounter that topic it’s never more than “meh… anyway”.
I’m not disgusted by sex or nudity by any means. It’s just that there are so many more interesting things to talk and think about that I get annoyed when someone wants to talk about sex or gets desperate over some sexual thing
Am I the only one?!
https://redd.it/1ivh0vg
@asexualityonreddit
What even is sexual attraction??
I don't even know if this is the right place to ask this, but I don't think anyone else can explain it the way asexuals can. Allosexuals will probably think I'm dumb or something.
But I really need to understand what in hell is even sexual attraction. My girlfriend keeps asking if I feel attracted towards her but I'm both aroace (demiromantic gray asexual to be specific)
I really like her (I guess I should say demi romantically idk how do you say this) but I'm very much asexual (I said gray because I am probably aegosexual not completely sure tho)
I have told her about me being asexual but she is allosexual and I feel like she isn't exactly fully grasping it. And problem is I don't understand what she means when she says if I'm sexually attracted towards her.
Before realising I'm asexual I referred anyone who looked aesthetically beautiful to me as hot.
But I think I don't exactly understand what people mean by hot or sexy. Like do people look at other people, see their body, and think of sex? What exactly does it even mean to be sexually attracted?
I'm not sure I can explain my asexuality to my girlfriend unless I understand allosexuality in the first place.
So can someone please make me understand this in a way asexuals can understand??
PS: please don't slander my girlfriend. She is great and very understanding, and she doesn't pressure me into having sexual interaction if I'm uncomfortable. I'm okay with having sex with her cause she likes it and I'm sex indifferent so it doesn't always make me uncomfortable.
https://redd.it/1ivcq4n
@asexualityonreddit
My Ace and Aro colored dice sets
https://redd.it/1iva3f6
@asexualityonreddit
Am I asexual??
Hi, I’m 19 F and for like years I have been questioning if I am asexual or j have a really hard time with intimacy. I have had a few partners where we did have sex but I was never very interested in it especially, even thought in the moment i didn’t hate it either. I feel somewhat neutral about it.
When I am really heavily emotionally invested in someone, I don’t rlly mind sex that much, even though i don’t necessarily crave it. And I def want romantic connections. But outside of that and I don’t rlly think about or want to have sex.
When I am in a talking stage with someone, even if I like them, the thought of sexual intimacy repulses me. Every time that I have had sex with a person for the first time I had to be either rlly drunk or high to rlly go through w it. When I was younger when people were j making out and sex was more rare, the thought of kissing or making out with someone would rlly repulse me, I even got into situations where someone would start kissing me and I would be trying rlly hard to go along w it bc I liked them romantically but I rlly j had to straight up stop the whole thing bc of how uncomfortable it got. And then me and that person would grow apart bc they would feel like I didn’t like them.
I told my first serious boyfriend about my “intimacy issues” and he was at first very understanding and kind about it. But eventually he started demanding sex or he would act rlly annoyed w me or want to break up. I was kinda stupid so instead of realizing we weren’t compatible I would try to be more leanient w him… and then when we started becoming more sexual he would rlly pressure me and force himself on me. Eventually I j got used to it tho and forgot about the whole not rlly being into sex thing for a while, I kind of saw it as a compromise in order to be able to persue a romantic relationship. Anyways that relationship became pretty toxic and I’m glad it’s over. Ever since then I have had 2 other more significantish relationships where we would have sex but I was always super high. And breaking the ice would always give me extreme anxiety and anguish.
The stress that becoming intimate w someone brings me confuses me… I’m not rlly sure if I don’t want sexual relationships or if they j make me extremely anxious. Or if maybe I j don’t like men. I don’t rlly have a specific sexual preference but I’ve only had sex w men so far. So idk it could j be that. But even w other people I j rlly don’t think about sex much, and the thought of it tends to be more repulsive.
I don’t see a lot of people around me that feel the same way tho… everyone seems to like/want it and I haven’t rlly met someone who becomes anxious about it in this way. I don’t rlly know if this is j a phase, anxiety, or if I’m j not very sexually inclined. I also don’t know if it’s also bc the sexual relationships that I have had so far have been degrading/pressure influenced, or even a result of my sexual suppression due to being warned since I was a kid that older men were out to rape/hurt me and that I should be modest and hide myself in that way.
Idk… I’m j rlly confused can anyone help me figure out what to do?? I feel kind of hesitant in coming out bc I know a lot of people in my life won’t understand/accept me, and bc this can make my relationships a lot more complicated.
https://redd.it/1iv75ob
@asexualityonreddit
Does anyone else notice just how much sex overshadows everything else in society?
I'm not here to rant, if anyhting sometimes i'm rather speechless to know just how sex-centric society is. I have been reflecting on this and when you stop and think about it the number of things that society gives priority to simply because it has to do with sex is crazy
For example sometimes on some question subs I have posted specific questions that don't get attention at all and are usually followed by a single downvote (because reddit) while the sex question that has been recycled like for the 15th time in the month gets upwards of 1k upvotes simply because it's about sex.
Another thing i've noticed is how much people push creators to unnecessarily sexualize stuff, my moher is a writter and one time when she was on a professional writting course the professor insisted that at the very least you had to incldue an erotic subplot in your novels or that otherwise you wouldn't sell, this would mean most people only read novels looking for sexual themes which in my opinion is very weird considering there is already literature dedicated to that.
What are your thoughts? I don't criticize what other people like, it's just that sometimes I cannot help but feel completely alien to this society and it's erotic obsession
https://redd.it/1iv2jcc
@asexualityonreddit
Attraction rehearsal
https://redd.it/1hvyrvj
@asexualityonreddit
I am a rare Pokémon ✨️
https://redd.it/1hvvdjw
@asexualityonreddit
Kinda ace / aro vibes 🤗 Credit goes to: False Knees on Instagram and other platforms
https://redd.it/1hvruku
@asexualityonreddit
Society is too sexual & I hate it
It's to the extent of people doubt our authenticity. Every freaking song, movie and clothing is about that ughhh
https://redd.it/1hvnm6c
@asexualityonreddit
Alastor Ace Pride Art
https://redd.it/1hvlefa
@asexualityonreddit
I feel Like my asexuality is the reason I’m going to die alone
Ik ik boo fucking hoo. I should be stronger blah blah blah. But I really just want a nice companion to grow old and be a mean old lady with. Dating straight or gay people is fucking insufferable. Like I love the hanging out together, the inside jokes, the emotional intimacy, and I don’t mind the hand holding and sharing a bed, but when things start getting hot and heavy I just get so unhappy and it honestly just makes me grow to loathe them.
Ever since I’ve come to terms with it for myself (I’m not out to anyone except my best friend though :p) it’s been a nagging thought in the back of my head. I’m 22 now. What happens when I have to start my own life? I adore my friends, but with age I’ve found they’re more and more preoccupied with their boyfriends or girlfriends. My brothers and sister are all married. I just feel like I’m getting left behind because of this one stupid thing I literally can’t do anything about.
I’m scared. I think a part of it is I haven’t come to terms with the fact I’ll never have the life I imagined when I was a little girl, but it still really bothers me. Intelligently I know I’ll just be unhappy with straight or gay people. I’ve no hopes of finding companionship with an ace person cause they’re all freaks or live on the other side of the country. But that’s not fair.
I just wish I was normal. I am terrified of waking up in 10 years and realizing I’m living alone in a sad apartment or a burden to my parents. I feel pathetic typing this but this shit is hard :(
https://redd.it/1hvipin
@asexualityonreddit
AsExUaLs ArE jUsT iNcElS tHaT tHiNkS tHeYrE uNaTtRaCtIvE
https://redd.it/1ivzhz2
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This gives me heavy Ace vibes
https://www.reddit.com/gallery/1ivg6id
https://redd.it/1ivwdsb
@asexualityonreddit
The misogynistic rage against women who build social power without using sex
The number of men I've known whose fragile worldviews get totally shattered when they witness a woman "slip the noose" of sexual objectification, so to speak. I identify as agender and I am definitely affected by this type of oppression, but that's not what they see.
They see someone who is not penalized for disregarding the beauty mandates placed on the female sex and woman gender. Doesn't show signs of anxiety or insecurity over not being valued in the ways women are supposed to be valued. Can build strong relationships with straight men completely liberated from the dynamics behind the old adage of "men want one thing". Have ride-or-die friendships with women and queer men that does not center activities based on being attracted to/wanting to attract men.
A woman-labeled person who does not cater to the strictures placed on woman-labeled and woman-identified people. Who also does not live in reactionary defiance against those expectations. Who can fight against the patriarchy and gender oppression, and simultaneously behave like she is already free. A woman who can walk and chew gum at the same time.
A woman without a chip on her shoulder. A woman who is a person first. No one's crush, no one's lay, no one's girlfriend, no one's baby mama, no one's wife, no one's fantasy.
But all of that is just, the noise of society they project onto me. In actuality, I'm just a queer individual who is lucky enough, by many circumstances outside my direct control, to pursue the art of being truly myself.
And many, many, individual men have acted on behalf of the patriarchy to "even the scales". Many men have made it their mission to personally see to it that I am materially, socially, and politically penalized for escaping the maze that society entraps women in, through leveraging their natural desires for romantic and sexual connection against them. Looking closely enough at these men, straight or queer, I witness that they define all the women around them by the ways they exploit or are exploited through the lens of sex and sexuality.
It starts with sneers, passive-aggressive remarks, infantilization, or worse of all: "sex positivity" concern trolling. Months or years go by and the bottled ace- and aro-phobia cracks in a moment of bruised ego, or feeling too powerless/too powerful, or simple inebriation--and it all comes flying out in a venomous spew of verbal rage. How dare this woman exist without being defined by sex in some way or other. How dare this woman hold power and value in the world without trading on romantic/sexual currency, or have that power and value threatened by attacks on her desires. How is it that people show loyalty and attachment to someone so worthless? Insidious witch. Stone-cold bitch.
I have been accused of criminal perversions. I have been ostracized from work opportunities. I have been threatened with non-consensual psych and medical interventions. I have been ~~shipped~~ romantically pimped out to some absolute fucking losers (always men too, hello comp-het). Persistent attempts have been made to socially annihilate me. Most recently, I have been uprooted from my home.
People seem to think all the flack we catch is just "well-meaning" or "out of ignorance". I have faced that, for sure. I have also faced pure motivated hatred that seeks to destroy me.
https://redd.it/1ivmoup
@asexualityonreddit
I am greysexual, I am 18 years old and I am from Ecuador 🇪🇨
https://redd.it/1ivjfyw
@asexualityonreddit
As a whole year, I finally found my pin again
https://redd.it/1ivh0v6
@asexualityonreddit
Accidentally came out to my mom lol
I (F 34) am married and a mother, and today while having a chat with my mom, I accidentally outed myself.
I mentioned I was concerned because my period was delayed. She insisted I should test for pregnancy, and I said it was impossible. After she pressed the subject, I just admitted my husband and I haven't had sex in more than an year. She was shocked and concerned for my marriage, so I just told her the truth.
She was taken aback, I had kinda hinted to it in my teens, but everyone just assumed that because I got married, it wasn't true.I know I made her uncomfortable, but honestly, it feels kinda good to not come up with a lie on the spot. She can judge if she wants to, I'm happy, my husband is happy and that's what matters.
https://redd.it/1ivbqc0
@asexualityonreddit
I’m disgusted by the fact that I’m having sex
I’ve been with my bf for a few years now. At the beginning of my relationship, we made love quite often. Now, the frequency has lowered which is totally normal. The thing is, i started to feel disgusted by myself having sex with my bf. Everytime we were done, i was so disgusted by myself to the point that we kinda stop having sex cause im never in the mood.
At the beginning i never had this problem, maybe because having sex was new to me (my bf was my first). It’s like a suddenly got the realisation of what’s like to have sex. I have the feeling that when my body is horny, its not really me, its just physically. It’s like my body and my brain are 2 different entities that don’t react the same way.
I never had any problems with self pleasure, for me it was more like an activity that i do when i’m bored.
I’m sorry i’m really bad at explaining but i don’t really know why i feel that way. I don’t necessarily think that i’m asexual but i didn’t know where to say that. So i hope i’m in the right place.
Thank u for reading
https://redd.it/1iv7f2k
@asexualityonreddit
Idk it just gets boring after a while.
https://redd.it/1iv5fxz
@asexualityonreddit
What am I?
As I approach 20 I'm starting to understand more and more about myself especially with exposure to other people and I'm seeing something interesting here. I can fall in love/crush with people...then fall out when I see them irl. I'll be like obsessed, I want to talk to them hear their voice, somewhat sexually attracted (not to their body, I can't explain) etc, but when irl factor comes I'm like. "Eh." I'm not a romantic person either, I haven't really been able to get around this, and I don't really care for romantic things like kissing and hugging...is this asexual, aromantic? What is this?
https://redd.it/1hvzerw
@asexualityonreddit
A partner companie is just more incredible than sex
https://redd.it/1hvzby1
@asexualityonreddit
Choose wisely...
https://redd.it/1hvukvd
@asexualityonreddit
The one thing that convinced you you're asexual...
Mine is that...I have never cared about my partners having sex with other people.
Because I care so little about sex that it extends beyond me not caring and also just to in general, not viewing much importance to it. I just wanted my partners to be open about it for safety and transparency.
I still don't fully get the big deal. Though I've come to accept that I just really don't care about sex the way most people do and that to most it is important and valued. When I figured that out is when I figured out I really am just asexual.
https://redd.it/1hvlc7d
@asexualityonreddit
I feel Like my asexuality is the reason I’m going to die alone
Ik ik boo fucking hoo. I should be stronger blah blah blah. But I really just want a nice companion to grow old with. Dating straight or gay people is fucking insufferable. Like I love the hanging out together, the inside jokes, the emotional intimacy, and I don’t mind the hand holding and sharing a bed, but when things start getting hot and heavy I just get so unhappy and it honestly just makes me grow to loathe them.
Ever since I’ve come to terms with it for myself (I’m not out to anyone except my best friend though :p) it’s been a nagging thought in the back of my head. I’m 22 now. What happens when I have to start my own life? I adore my friends, but with age I’ve found they’re more and more preoccupied with their boyfriends or girlfriends. My brothers and sister are all married. I just feel like I’m getting left behind because of this one stupid thing I literally can’t do anything about.
I’m scared. I think a part of it is I haven’t come to terms with the fact I’ll never have the life I imagined when I was a little girl, but it still really bothers me. Intelligently I know I’ll just be unhappy with straight or gay people. I’ve no hopes of finding companionship with an ace person cause they’re all freaks or live on the other side of the country. But that’s not fair.
I just wish I was normal. I am terrified of waking up in 10 years and realizing I’m living alone in a sad apartment or a burden to my parents. I feel pathetic typing this but this shit is hard :(
https://redd.it/1hviq6w
@asexualityonreddit
Saw this template for the first time in a while, and this was my first thought
https://redd.it/1hvl0kk
@asexualityonreddit
Which one of my Ace headcanons are the weirdest?
https://redd.it/1hve125
@asexualityonreddit