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Mirror of /r/asexuality, /r/asexual, /r/aaaaaaacccccccce and /r/aromanticism. Run by @reddit2telegram. @r_channels
Title
https://redd.it/1iwxkkw
@asexualityonreddit
The "r/Asexuality and Men" Post Is… Problematic
The post I’ll be referring to is the following: https://www.reddit.com/r/asexuality/comments/1ivwgdw/rasexuality\_and\_men/
For the sake of intellectual honesty on my end, please give this post a fair hearing if you haven’t already, or at least do so before you read any further. In addition, I’ll be approaching this with the assumption that OP genuinely cares to build inclusive gender dynamics within the community. So I ask that NO ONE harass the original OP on behalf of this post. Anyways…
OP kicks off with two damning accusations toward the community:
1. That r/asexuality has failed to account for users who are men or AMAB and is primarily a woman’s space, given that most of its users are women or non-binary.
1. Worse than that, r/asexuality allows for the demonization of men, particularly allosexual men; that negative experiences with allosexual men have led to misandrist generalizations within the community.
Now, both of these claims have been rightfully disputed by numerous men in the comment section but first I want to point out that this post is obviously a response to two earlier posts (once again I’m using bullets):
1. u/partylikeyossarian’s post, who had, hours earlier, vented about their experiences with allosexual men. OP had even reported u/partylikeyossarian over this post.
1. A more controversial post from u/Possible-Departure87, whose venting was directed at the allonormative attitudes presented in a YouTube video.
It is MY specific intersectional identity that irked me into making this post to begin with (African-American, AroAce, AMAB, Agender). While we absolutely should not promote misandry, OP’s post plays on the same tune as “But white lives matter too”, where often the conversation is intentionally derailed away from the marginalized.
To illustrate, both aforementioned posts concern AFABs venting about their valid experiences with misogynist gender dynamics, and both are then dismissed by OP for the same reason: they don’t prioritize the potential discomfort of men. In response to AFABs opening up about their frustrations with patriarchy, there is the classic “not all men”, an attitude that stifles the voices and lived experiences of AFABs and drags the spotlight back towards men. Now, I used to be like this. I was once a “totally straight cisgender” adolescent who made the same talking points, and I’ve learned since then. So let me make two things something clear:
Women are not responsible for the feelings of men.
Men are not made of glass. They can handle critiques of male oppression. (As shown in the comment section, the men in this subreddit know that they are not the ones being referred to anyway)
While I can appreciate that the "r/Asexuality and Men" post has created a space for asexual AMABs to talk about their unique experiences with asexuality (and they should, asexual male voices are a bit underrepresented), we exist in a patriarchy. At the risk of speaking on behalf of all men, and as someone who’s AMAB and is male-presenting: allowing asexual women to voice their gripes should take priority over male discomfort.
https://redd.it/1iwsisv
@asexualityonreddit
I want to learn more about the diffent types of asexuals
Does anyone have a post or link to explain the difference in all of asexauls types?
https://redd.it/1iwpspl
@asexualityonreddit
Doctors Appointment Advice Needed
Fair warning: this post asks about Pap smears. If you’d rather not read, please skip by!
A question for my fellow asexual females: how do you deal with yearly physicals, specifically Pap smears? The nurses and doctors constantly telling you that you need a Pap smear, asking about your sexual health, are you pregnant, etc.? I’ve tried telling them that I’m not sexually active and there’s no way in hell I’m pregnant, but they just keep going (a med I’m on causes horrible birth defects so I get it, but like please believe me here). Even the questions make me uncomfortable. Once I tried telling the nurse that I was asexual but she didn’t know what that meant and it was even more embarrassing.
My first and last Pap smear was a little bit of a traumatic experience with me fainting and my doctor telling me I should play around with myself more so I’m more prepared for when I have sex, so I haven’t done a Pap smear since and would rather not. How do others deal with this bullshit?
https://redd.it/1iwo8it
@asexualityonreddit
Enjoy this thing I made instead of doing my accounting homework 🖤🩶🤍💜
https://redd.it/1iwm4ga
@asexualityonreddit
Can an asexual trust their partner with sex?
Hello, im a sex-repulsed, and i wanna Ask if there are some asexuals who has sex just bc they trust their partner with it? Bc i have Heard it somewhere on reddit, but like, its gone. I tried finding it but nowhere to be seen. So i came in to Ask, if there are asexuals out there who has sex just bc they trust their partner? And how does it differ from sexual attraction? ( Idk what im Even saying )
I would like to know. Thank you!
https://redd.it/1iwdntr
@asexualityonreddit
A 9 tailed fox I drew, with ace pride flag colors!
https://redd.it/1iwdyro
@asexualityonreddit
Feel like my aesthetic attraction is too strong to be aesthetic attraction.
I find myself fascinated by people, I find their looks very interesting and to be cute/beautiful/hot etc. Almost to a point where I can’t stop looking at them. Almost as if they were so good looking I couldn’t look away, like breath taken. I think at most part what id wanna do to them is to get to know them as a friend, and that would be it
I don’t find myself wanting to have sex, or date them etc. It makes me feel so fake though at the same time
I also struggle with ocd symptoms and have imposter syndrome so it could be just that if that helps. I feel fake as hell and I know it’s aesthetic attraction but jeez I have no idea how it’s like to want to fuck another human being lmao.
I also identify as demiromantic and straight so I like women but not sexually. Help a brother out 😭🙏
https://redd.it/1iw949z
@asexualityonreddit
Asexuals represented on media
I saw a trans character depicted on a game I play. Some people were happy to get themselves represented in the game, while other people were expressing repulsion.
I haven't seen an asexual character depicted in media like this. I'm not sure if it's good or bad thing.
Some part of me is jealous that others LGBTs are seen and acknowledged their existence. The other part of me is relieved that aces don't have to face the hate they get in response. I want to be seen and accepted, but I'm scared of the phobic responses I might receive.
https://redd.it/1iw7f5d
@asexualityonreddit
how did your family/friends react when you came out?
i’m 17 (18 tmr) and i plan on getting a little ace pride tattoo on my wrist. i’ve known i was asexual since middle school, and i have no doubts.
im just wondering how yalls people reacted when you came out. do you think it was similar to if you had come out as queer/trans? did they not really care much?
i just want to have a guess of what to expect bc im in a christian conservative house and all that. thanks! <3 have a lovely day mwah
https://redd.it/1ivy1nm
@asexualityonreddit
Send the capy everywhere
https://redd.it/1iw0pki
@asexualityonreddit
AsExUaLs ArE jUsT iNcElS tHaT tHiNkS tHeYrE uNaTtRaCtIvE
https://redd.it/1ivzhz2
@asexualityonreddit
This gives me heavy Ace vibes
https://www.reddit.com/gallery/1ivg6id
https://redd.it/1ivwdsb
@asexualityonreddit
The misogynistic rage against women who build social power without using sex
The number of men I've known whose fragile worldviews get totally shattered when they witness a woman "slip the noose" of sexual objectification, so to speak. I identify as agender and I am definitely affected by this type of oppression, but that's not what they see.
They see someone who is not penalized for disregarding the beauty mandates placed on the female sex and woman gender. Doesn't show signs of anxiety or insecurity over not being valued in the ways women are supposed to be valued. Can build strong relationships with straight men completely liberated from the dynamics behind the old adage of "men want one thing". Have ride-or-die friendships with women and queer men that does not center activities based on being attracted to/wanting to attract men.
A woman-labeled person who does not cater to the strictures placed on woman-labeled and woman-identified people. Who also does not live in reactionary defiance against those expectations. Who can fight against the patriarchy and gender oppression, and simultaneously behave like she is already free. A woman who can walk and chew gum at the same time.
A woman without a chip on her shoulder. A woman who is a person first. No one's crush, no one's lay, no one's girlfriend, no one's baby mama, no one's wife, no one's fantasy.
But all of that is just, the noise of society they project onto me. In actuality, I'm just a queer individual who is lucky enough, by many circumstances outside my direct control, to pursue the art of being truly myself.
And many, many, individual men have acted on behalf of the patriarchy to "even the scales". Many men have made it their mission to personally see to it that I am materially, socially, and politically penalized for escaping the maze that society entraps women in, through leveraging their natural desires for romantic and sexual connection against them. Looking closely enough at these men, straight or queer, I witness that they define all the women around them by the ways they exploit or are exploited through the lens of sex and sexuality.
It starts with sneers, passive-aggressive remarks, infantilization, or worse of all: "sex positivity" concern trolling. Months or years go by and the bottled ace- and aro-phobia cracks in a moment of bruised ego, or feeling too powerless/too powerful, or simple inebriation--and it all comes flying out in a venomous spew of verbal rage. How dare this woman exist without being defined by sex in some way or other. How dare this woman hold power and value in the world without trading on romantic/sexual currency, or have that power and value threatened by attacks on her desires. How is it that people show loyalty and attachment to someone so worthless? Insidious witch. Stone-cold bitch.
I have been accused of criminal perversions. I have been ostracized from work opportunities. I have been threatened with non-consensual psych and medical interventions. I have been ~~shipped~~ romantically pimped out to some absolute fucking losers (always men too, hello comp-het). Persistent attempts have been made to socially annihilate me. Most recently, I have been uprooted from my home.
People seem to think all the flack we catch is just "well-meaning" or "out of ignorance". I have faced that, for sure. I have also faced pure motivated hatred that seeks to destroy me.
https://redd.it/1ivmoup
@asexualityonreddit
I am greysexual, I am 18 years old and I am from Ecuador 🇪🇨
https://redd.it/1ivjfyw
@asexualityonreddit
Ace Flag Inspired Paper-cut
https://redd.it/1iwxzcy
@asexualityonreddit
“Imagine not being able to have sex!!!”
Okay last night I was out with some friends (for context people don’t generally know I’m ace) and this girl and I were talking about how grateful we were to be able bodied. It was a very nice conversation actually. In my mind, all I could think about was, “I’m so grateful to be able bodied to do my job and work out (I’m a gymnast and a coach)” and then she goes, “Just imagine if you weren’t able bodied and couldn’t have sex!” and she was so serious, of course, and I had to contain my laughter when I realized how different of a wavelength we were on in that specific moment 😂
https://redd.it/1iwo7jz
@asexualityonreddit
Really wish there was a way to remove the games section, I don't want to see this opening Netflix
https://redd.it/1iwlhdw
@asexualityonreddit
Fucking finally:
https://redd.it/1iwmskd
@asexualityonreddit
love this mug,,,
https://redd.it/1iwk1da
@asexualityonreddit
Am i alone in this?
https://redd.it/1iwfz01
@asexualityonreddit
Is there anything sub for sex-indifferent and sex-repulsed asexuals I can join? I don't like this sub anymore.
I initially joined this sub because I thought it was cool that there was a whole community of asexual people like me, but every time a post comes up on my feed, it's about sex. Not sexualities, but the act of sex. I'm a sex-indifferent demisexual whose been pretty sex-avoidant after a bad relationship where I was used for sex, and I'm tired of seeing it plastered all over this sub.
I don't feel welcome anymore. I thought I finally found a space that was sex-free. No more topics on sex, just talking about questioning sexualities, the ace spectrum, and fun stuff. But it's just. More. Sex. So is there another asexual sub where they don't talk about sex at all?
https://redd.it/1iwcina
@asexualityonreddit
I am really happy and comfortable in my asexuality. Here's some garlic bread for all the aces out there.
https://redd.it/1iw9wy3
@asexualityonreddit
can you know youre asexual from just being in one relationship?
ive been with my partner for 5 years. were both bi but were each others first relationships. the concept of sex is all fun and exciting but once were actually doing it, i get tired & bored and just cant wait for it to be over. i can never orgasm and at this point, it doesnt mean much to me and i could go years without it and i would feel fine about it. the concept in it of itself & intimacy are nice but the actual doing it part is just off putting and just does nothing for me. ive done stuff on my own and the buildup is fine but i could never come; i just get tired and give up because at some point it feels like a chore. it could also just be bad sex lol idk? were each others firsts & the only ones weve ever known so im not sure. can you know youre asexual or on the asexual spectrum from being in just one relationship? is it necessary to explore with other people to really know?
https://redd.it/1iw4mee
@asexualityonreddit
Send the capy everywhere
https://redd.it/1iw2qvm
@asexualityonreddit
A Cool Poster at my School
https://redd.it/1ivvwce
@asexualityonreddit
/r/Asexuality and Men
I'll be honest. I debated even posting this. I think its a complex and multifaceted issue that is likely to make people upset. However, after some recent posts I've seen, I think its worth talking about.
/r/Asexuality has a man problem. More specifically, this subreddit has a problem with generalisation that, on occassion, borders on sexism. This also extends to allosexuals in general, but its pretty clear that most of the time people here talk about 'allosexuals,' they are primarily talking about allosexual men.
I think there are two major parts to this, so I'll talk about them seperately.
1. /r/Asexuality as a female space
Its not a secret that the majority of people who identify as asexual are women or non-binary individuals. There are a lot of reasons for this, both sociological and biological, but the result is that the asexual sphere is pretty woman-centric a lot of the time, which leads to
2. The demonisation of men
Now, don't get me wrong here. I am not denying the fact that some allosexual men are bigoted, or so entrenched within their societal roles that they cannot comprehend the concept of asexuality, or they're just plain dicks. These people absolutely exist and I have met them. However, they are not every man, nor are they aliens. They are individual humans with specific beliefs that are not reflective of anyone but themselves.
Why does this matter?
For multiple reasons.
Firstly, bigotry of any kind is bad. Just because someone of a specific demographic (or even multiple people of that demographic) is hateful, doesn't mean you get to be too.
But beyond that, and more practically, this is an open forum for people to visit. Some of those people will be allosexual men who may hold these views. I am not saying we accept their hatred (the paradox of tolerance applies, of course) but the only way that will ever change is by engaging with these people, and not simply dismissing and demonising them.
Even more notably, there are asexual people who identify as men or are AMAB. They have as much right to this community as anyone else. They should not be treated as outsiders or 'one of the good ones' because they are as asexual as any other people here.
Oversharing time
So, to counter the inevitable response, I am not a man. I am not allosexual. This is not a post about me specifically but of a wider trend I've noticed, in which 'men' are treated as an inherent problem/oppressor class and women (and specifically asexual women) are treated as an inherent victim class to the men, which is just very dehumanising to the men that come here and only helps to fuel the divide.
Trigger warning for the next section: I'll be talking about my personal experiences with sexual trauma on a very surface level. I'm not going in-depth about any of it but, if you don't want to know, feel free to skip it.
>!I have a different experience to many others here. As a child, I was sexually abused by an older girl on multiple occassions, long before I had any sort of understanding of what was going on. As an adult, I have also been sexually harrassed by multiple women while working at a bar.!<
These experiences haven't led me to have a hatred of women or anything. There are many women in my life that I love and respect. I do identify, to some degree, as a woman. However, it has led me to take some ire at the constant reinforcement of men being cast as perpetrators and women as victims that gets pushed in spaces such as this.
Again, I want to make it clear that I'm not trying to devalue anyone's individual experiences, but more to start a discussion and thought against generalisation and demonisation throughout the community.
https://redd.it/1ivwgdw
@asexualityonreddit
Are there any sex-favoralble asexuals that likes receiving sexual acts?
( fyi, im sex-repulsed, so im sorry if this question is very weird. I just wanna understand and know abt other ppls experience with their asexuality )
So i have seen a lot of sex-favorable aces that usually just enjoy giving their partner sex. But what abt the asexuals that like recieving sex? IVe never really seen them before, and i tried finding some to learn abt them, but i cant really find them. So i wanna know if there are sex-favorable asexuals that likes being on the recieving ends ( Idk how to say it im sorry ). Id like to know if you guys exist for some reason. Thank youuu
https://redd.it/1ivou1s
@asexualityonreddit
Found my old test results from the ace spectrum test and forgot they diagnosed me with Uber Aromantic
https://redd.it/1ivlt7i
@asexualityonreddit
Why are people so obsessed with sex?
It’s just something I frequently notice whenever I’m on Reddit or even in real life:
Why the hell are people so obsessed with it? They seem to think about sexual things every day and go crazy over nudity.
It’s so absurd to me because those things never cross my mind and even if I encounter that topic it’s never more than “meh… anyway”.
I’m not disgusted by sex or nudity by any means. It’s just that there are so many more interesting things to talk and think about that I get annoyed when someone wants to talk about sex or gets desperate over some sexual thing
Am I the only one?!
https://redd.it/1ivh0vg
@asexualityonreddit