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Mirror of /r/asexuality, /r/asexual, /r/aaaaaaacccccccce and /r/aromanticism. Run by @reddit2telegram. @r_channels
What character do you headcannon as ace
https://preview.redd.it/644g1r6ckwpe1.jpg?width=203&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=12ce9fc6cfd91160d4cdb34b84b867ff38ce8a93
https://redd.it/1jfyfjo
@asexualityonreddit
Dating an ace cutie!
Hey friends! I've been going out with this wonderful person, who is gender-fluid, panromantic, and asexual (sex-neutral/sex-repulsed). I knew this going into the relationship and I'm happy to say we've gone exclusive and we're girlfriends now!
Anyways, is there any advice y'all can give me? I really like her, and we've been communicating a lot about what each of us is comfy with, what we want in a serious relationship, etc.
General advice is much appreciated, but more specifically, he keeps saying that he doesn't want me to "settle" for him, in regards to that type of intimacy.
I truly don't think I'm settling, I think sex is cool and all but my favorite forms of intimacy are outside of that, and sex is not required for me in a romantic relationship. Is there a way I can make them feel more secure?
Thanks all!
https://redd.it/1jg9coe
@asexualityonreddit
Am I asexual, it's that I'm not bi or it's just that I'm not prepared to be in this kind of relationship?
Well, I've been in a relationship with a girl since two years ago; she's my first couple, and she asks me to be her girlfriend one day. We were friends, but I told her to see how things move on and then maybe we could be more.
In that time I considered myself as a bisexual, but I always expected to be dating a man first than a woman, because, at least for me, it's more common to see men showing interest in me than women. I always see myself as starting a relationship with some guy, and then we would break for some stupid reason, and with time I would meet another girl or a guy idk, the point is, I never expected to be with a girl as a first relationship.
It wasn't a problem for me ofc our relationship is great; we never fight, and she's a completely green flag, but after the year we both went out of the closet with our parents, and it wasn't too well; she was in a bad mood at that time, and our relationship froze a little bit; the part of sex stopped almost completely. For that time, we started fighting for the stupidest reasons, and we didn't go out as often as we used to.
I guess that with the time I used to be alone again, ofc we chatted every day, and we were fine, but the romantic part wasn't there at all. But suddenly she started to feel alright again; she wanted to have sex with me, but sometimes I wasn't in the mood for that. I never felt that good, like it was fine, but I didn't felt too much pleasure.
I started to feel bad about myself because I couldn't please her, and I asked her to have a time cause I wasn't feeling the same; she understood that part, but then there were certain moments that I felt overwhelmed with just the touch of herself in my arm, for example, or sometimes I didn't want to kiss her at all.
But it wasn't always; I just had times that I felt completely overwhelmed and others that I wanted to be in her arms.
I'm not sure about what's wrong with me. I really love to be with her, and she's not just my partner but my best friend, but sometimes I really don't want to have anything that involves this sexual stuff.
We even had a break not long ago because she didn't want me to feel pressured about doing all of that, but we both missed each other so much that we ended together again, but I started to feel again that maybe this isn't the best for us.
I told her before we started again that maybe I would feel the same and if she was fine with that, cause I didn't want her to be hurt for my problems.
Right now, I really don't know what I'm doing.
I'm not sure if I just don't like to have sex, if I think that I love her, but I really don't, or if I can't notice how I really feel cause I haven't been in any other relationship.
This situation started to make me feel insecure even about my orientation
I'm sorry If I wrote too much. I'm not sure If this goes in this group, I never thought that maybe I could be asexual because I always felt good with just me; ofc that was a stupid idea because you can be asexual and just have a high libido with yourself without having pleasure with another person, but now with this situation it started to make me feel confused about everything I know. Sorry if this is a lot of bullshit; I just want some advice.
English it's not my first language so sorry if i made some mistakes.
https://redd.it/1jfxzmx
@asexualityonreddit
I agree
https://redd.it/1jfyzmh
@asexualityonreddit
General questions about asexuality
I’ve considered myself asexual for a while now, but I’m not sure if it’s “real” asexuality or not. I’d like to hear some opinions/views from other people. Also, don’t be afraid to be honest and tell me this doesn’t sound like asexuality! My feelings won’t be hurt and it’s not a huge part of my identity, I think of it more like an adjective.
So sorry, this will be long.
1. Started feeling this way around the same time I started lexapro (which definitely kills sex drive). If this is 100% the cause, would this still be asexuality or not since it’s medication-induced? I was 20 (I think) when I started lexapro, and I’m now almost 22, so it’s not like I’ve had a long life of understanding my feelings and deep thought behind them.
2. I don’t feel the difference between sexual attraction and general attraction. I understand it, I’ve just never related to it. Say I find someone insanely attractive, I don’t instantly think about them as a potential sexual partner. I’m very sensitive to sexualization from some past trauma, so idk if this is lack of sexual attraction or if it’s a mental barrier of not wanting to invade their privacy/disrespect them.
3. Kind of relating to #2, is sexual attraction exclusively instantaneous or does it include being developed over time? This is more a curious-question as I wouldn’t say my attraction to my former partners changed throughout the relationships in this way.
4. (This one might be confusing, I’ll try to word it best I can). I’m aware that asexuality is the absence of sexual attraction, but how do I know that I’m not feeling sexual attraction if I haven’t felt it? I can read others’ descriptions all day long, but there seems to be a lot of subjectivity to the topic. Or even “I feel a little of this, none of this.”
Tysm if you read this far and tysvm for any responses!
https://redd.it/1jftr4t
@asexualityonreddit
Just get it off my chest.
Never had a libido growing up - thought it was due to depression or low self-esteem etc I am now 30 and have not evolved into a ‘normal’ person so just want to come clean to strangers on the internet - I am 99% sure I am asexual. Only thing I find arousing is femdom scenarios not porn not sex can’t force myself to pretend otherwise feel like a dishonest pos for not coming clean earlier. It is what it is.
Thanks for reading.
https://redd.it/1jft996
@asexualityonreddit
Based in Risa
https://redd.it/1jfo4yn
@asexualityonreddit
My coming out did not go as well as I thought
I posted literally just a few days ago about how I came out to my mom and it went great, she bought me earrings with the ace flag on them. Well she flew home and has been calling me. To summarize a combination of phone calls, she’s been crying, talked to her best friend and therapist, was told to read up on “stuff” so she went to the library and checked out some books, (she didn’t elaborate what “stuff” or what books). She suggested I pray to God to change me. She thought I was being defensive when I wasn’t, which is not her usual. She implied that I threw her into it and that I didn’t give her time to process and that she’s really struggling with it. She wanted permission to tell my grandma bc they live together, I said no, I’ll tell her. I feel like I’m being pushed into coming out to my grandma sooner than I wanted. I was going to wait for the right time in person, now my mom wants it done right away. I’ve been sharing information about queer related news and facts for years. I almost came out to my mom on a phone call a couple years ago. I think I broke my mom. She can’t handle a lot. I know I didn’t do anything wrong, but now I think shouldn’t have told her anything. And like, asexuality is like the least “scandalous” thing, like I literally DON’T want to fuck people, I don’t understand why this is hurting her so much. I’m proud of how calm I’ve been and I stand behind all of my responses. I just keep explaining what asexuality is to me, that it’s a spectrum, that I’m pretty sure I’m pan-romantic, that it’s something that is just a fact, a part of me that I’m proud of and it’s really not her problem. I even asked her how knowing myself better would do anything else but bring me closer to God. (I’m still figuring out some religious stuff but that’s beside the point). This just blew up in my face and I feel stupid for expecting or accepting anything different. I just feel so crumpled. I grew up the same way, I thought I could kind of break her out of it like I did. I used to be hella homophobic and transphobic bc that was all I was exposed to. I thought if I shared what I learned, I thought that if i shared that I’m one of “them”, that she’d change her view. She can’t decipher between God’s word and preachers. To her, they are one in the same. I’m scared of getting screamed at by my grandma when I tell her. There’s nothing I can do but stay calm and be honest. Any advice?
https://redd.it/1jfh7jx
@asexualityonreddit
Made myself an ace ring
https://redd.it/1jfh7se
@asexualityonreddit
I can't believe a gar did that
https://redd.it/1jf90gz
@asexualityonreddit
Me fr.
https://redd.it/1jf65vy
@asexualityonreddit
Are You Aro (Advice)?
**Hi everyone!**
Welcome to our weekly Advice post about Aromanticism! Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.
**Do any of these resonate with you?**
\* You rarely (if ever) experience crushes on others.
\* You find the idea of a romantic relationship unappealing, and prefer strong platonic bonds.
\* You've been in romantic relationships but felt like you were going through the motions.
\* You've researched what crushes are "supposed" to feel like, but can't relate.
These are just a few signs you might be Aromantic. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and every person's experience is unique.
\*\*Have questions about aromanticism or your own identity?\*\* Ask away in the comments below, and we'll and your fellow Aro’s will do the best to help!
* [**More signs that you are Aro**](https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro)
* [**Honeymoon Phase**](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase)
* [**Types of attraction (might be incomplete)**](https://types-of-attraction.carrd.co/)
https://redd.it/1jf7oue
@asexualityonreddit
Garlic bread Bagel
https://redd.it/1jf6zcr
@asexualityonreddit
Can an asexual get aroused/horny during sex?
if you get aroused or horny when giving or receiving oral with your partner and find that hot, can you still be asexual?
wikipedia says: Fischer et al. reported that "scholars who study the physiology of asexuality suggest that people who are asexual are capable of genital arousal but may experience difficulty with so-called subjective arousal." This means that "while the body becomes aroused, subjectively – at the level of the mind and emotions – one does not experience arousal."
so you really cant get mentally aroused and be asexual at the same time?
https://redd.it/1jf2gdp
@asexualityonreddit
Talked about her being asexual.
I talked with my wife about her possibly being asexual. I just blurted it out. I have been suspecting for a long time now. Long story short. She said that she thinks that she is. She immediately teared up and didn't want to upset me by being asexual. I told her that if she is Asexual it is OK with me. I want her to ber herself and not hide. I fell that she had a burden lifted off of her. It was a good talk. I think we will talk more.
https://redd.it/1jf0fbh
@asexualityonreddit
I feel like this counts as some aphobia
https://redd.it/1jfym4k
@asexualityonreddit
“Asexuals are only 1 percent of the population.”
Someone on one of the relationship subs told me the other day I shouldn’t cite the existence of asexual people as an argument for against sex being mandatory in a relationship. Their reason? “They’re only one percent of the population.”
Ignoring the fact that all minorities are valid and the number is certainly higher, I did a little math.
There are 8 billion people in the world. 1 percent of that is 80 million. If the 1 percent statistic is accurate (it is most certainly low), and all 80 million aces formed our own country, it would be the 20th most populous nation on the planet, just between the populations of Germany (85 million) and Thailand (74 million).
Part of the reason I think the estimate is low is the pervasive rhetoric around the importance of sex in relationships. I’m sure a lot of you reading it have tried pushing through to have a “normal” sex life, only accepting that wasn’t for you much later. I sure have.
Still if you hear that argument, it’s analogous to arguing that Thailand doesn’t count as a country. Nor would any of the 180ish less populated countries including the UK (68 mil) or Canada (39 mil) count.
https://redd.it/1jg3c4u
@asexualityonreddit
Ace & allo relationships
For aces that’re in relationships with allo partners- what’re things your partner does to/for you that feel intimate? I’m (allo 28f) married to my best friend (ace 27m) and we’ve been working on different ways to meet each others physical needs (him needing physical space sometimes to feel grounded and me needing physical intimacy <not sex most of the time, mostly kissing, cuddling, hugging> sometimes to feel more connected). A little background: we’ve been married for almost two years, together for four, and been close friends for about a decade. I was his first relationship and he has done a lot of growing into his sexuality and figuring out what he wants/needs and his hard-nos, and I’ve been doing the same (I didn’t have a healthy relationship with sex/romance prior to him). We have done some light couples counseling, and only stopped due to insurence restrictions- we intend to go back once financially able. We connect so well and haven’t stopped laughing together since we met. We both work a lot and I work out of town three days a week, but during the times we’re home we are attached at the hip. We meet each other’s intellectual and emotional needs incredibly well, I feel. We’re both confident in our bond and compatibility, this area of our relationship has been the only thing that we’ve ever genuinely struggled to find a comfortable medium on. I want to know if anyone has any suggestions of different types of intimacy that we could try?
https://redd.it/1jg1pmi
@asexualityonreddit
Idk if this counts, but let's just say, I chose the birds very carefully for a joke
https://redd.it/1jfy35x
@asexualityonreddit
I told my husband on accident...it went badly.
Me and my husband (30s, together 6 married 4) were watching YouTube at dinner last night. We watch this channel where people from different lives come and talk about a thing. This episode was about sexualitiy and genders. There was an asexual wife and her straight husband talking about her and how they got through it and before I could stop I said "What would we do in that situation?"
He had been playing something on his phone and without looking up went "If you suddenly became asexual? I do not know. I guess I would help you find Anewplacetolive and then we would get Adivorce." He made the As sound like the A in asexual. He looked at me amused and I must have not been doing good as I thought keeping the pain in my stomach and not my face. He said "Whoa! What is wrong?" and I lost it. It all came out.
I told him how much I loved him and I can not imagine my life without him but no matter what I have tried my entire life I just don't want sex like that. It has come up in my two past relationships but I thought it was because they sucked and were mean so I didn't want it? My husband is so kind though. Now it feels like a color I cannot see. Honestly too I thought it was normal for women to not like sex. My parents didn't spoke let alone touch. In the few times sex comes up with my friends it is almost always complaining about their partner pressuring them for more. I told him I thought I just had to get through it because I knew men needed it and I could just have the other parts of our relationship but it was not working anymore.
He was upset and pale but he has had therapy before so he did not yell at me. He asked me about the sex we had this weekend and if I had wanted to do it. I told him no not really but I loved him so I would. He stood up and excused himself. I tried to explain that it was good in the beginning and I thought I could keep it going for him but by then he had shutdown. He ended up in our caravan and I cried myself to sleep.
This morning he came inside to get ready and I asked if we could talk and he said "I am not ready to talk yet. It has been less than twelve hours since the woman I married told me I have been raping her since whenever "the beginning" ended."
I told him that's dramatic and I never said that and he asked "Okay. What do YOU call it when a person has sex with a person who doesn't want it?" I did not have an answer and he told me he would be home after work and hopefully by then he would have his feelings under control. Before he left later he said "Sorry big feelings" and went to kiss me then stopped and patted my shoulder. He comes home in four hours.
I want to crawl under a rock and never come out. I have written and deleted a hundred texts to him. I know bothering him will only make it worse but I have no idea what else to do. I cannot bring this up to friends and family. We live far away for work and I would not be able to support myself here alone. I do not want to lose my entire life.
What do I do? Is this possible? Is this just what happens if you can not have sex? What do I say to make him not feel that way?
Sorry if this was rambling. I am not at my best.
https://redd.it/1jfy2nf
@asexualityonreddit
The first one kinda sucked idk how this got a sequel
https://redd.it/1jfulwz
@asexualityonreddit
Coming to terms with asexuality made me realise I don't really /need/ a relationship
Up till now I thought I was lesbian or demisexual. The thought of being fully asexual was dreadful to me.
Some years back my friend suggested getting into dating apps. The main reason why I wanted to get into a relationship was because I desperately wanted hugs and cuddles, as I love physical affection and am kind of touch starved.
Everyone around me was dating. So all this seemed normal. Everything in my life told me the message that a romantic relationship is the biggest win in life. It will make you grow, get rid of your problems, make you get the love you always wanted and needed. And so I continued searching for the person who could be the one for me.
However during the last few weeks I started looking into asexuality again. I realised that me still not being sure if I really ever felt sexual attraction and not even being sure what it really feels like is the truth that I'm most probably asexual. I'm still on my way to fully accepting this for myself, but it made me realise that I don't need the things that most people need, and that's okay, I can be this way.
This somehow made me come back to rethinking why I am looking for a relationship. Also I recently lost my closest friend. And all this made me realise that I can be and am okay by myself. Having some friends and myself is enough for me right now. I don't need to be like everyone else and chase for a relationship which I don't even know how it will be or end.
Maybe one day I'll unexpectedly find a person I'll want to spend the rest of my life with. And honestly that sounds way lovelier than me chasing for it right now and then being sad that I cannot find it.
https://redd.it/1jfrxn4
@asexualityonreddit
I couldn’t find an ace ring I liked (or one that fit), so I made one.
https://redd.it/1jfhfun
@asexualityonreddit
To aces who have sex regularly
Hello, if you're ace but have sex regularly just because you're partner is allo, how does it feel? Do you ever feel like this is too much or that you're a fraud and want to give up? And break up? Or do you feel like it's nothing, like it's brushing your teeth or playing ping pong, and you're happy as ling as it makes tem happy? Did you know you were ace before you lost your virginity? Or is it something you realized over time after having ex Did nothing for you?
https://redd.it/1jffmp7
@asexualityonreddit
Bought myself a new necklace
https://redd.it/1jfdgy5
@asexualityonreddit
Garlic bread 🥯
https://redd.it/1jf6xeo
@asexualityonreddit
Can aces have sexual desires without sexual attraction?
This question isnt about myself, i just wanna know abt the asexual community, and to understand it.
So im just here asking weird things and im sorry if they sound odd.
I just wanted to know if asexuals feel sexual desires without attraction?
Cuz i have Heard that sexual attraction was just someone who desires sex with a specific person ( i still dont get it )
And i wanna know if asexuals can have sexual desires without it being addressed to someone, cuz i went to see if i can find if that exist, but i see this instead ‘’ THEY CANT HAVE SEXUAL DESIRE, IF THEY DO THEYRE NOT ACE ‘’ or ‘’ ASEXUAL CANT HAVE A DESIRE FOR SEX, EVEN WHEN ITS NOT ADDRESSED ‘’
….
Pretty sure yall get why Im confused, so i would like some help with that, id appreciate it!
https://redd.it/1jf8cnp
@asexualityonreddit
I despise sex
So I can have the feeling of sexual attraction- and I feel aroused and such- but like- sex is icky- and a lot of work- I don’t want people touching me- I’m fine getting them off tho- but personally I just would rather take care of the chore of getting myself off alone instead of having someone else do it. As such I don’t really like it when girls or guys want me to use my pp- cuz the idea of having sex turns me off. I don’t enjoy porn. Is there something wrong with me or does this fall under the umbrella of ace?
https://redd.it/1jf3mxb
@asexualityonreddit
Meh-sexual
https://redd.it/1jf1u6m
@asexualityonreddit
Am I asexual (aego) or just traumatized?
I am very new to this, so I am honestly sorry if I say something dumb or insensitive.
I guess the main question I want to ask may seem that way, so I want to start with a disclaimer that I know you can simply be asexual because well.. you are. Like you can be any other sexuality. I stumbled upon the term aegosexual a couple of days ago and instantly related to it. I had told my ex-boyfriend a couple of times during our relationship that I sometimes felt like I was asexual, but I couldn’t be because I still felt attraction etc. and it just makes so much sense now.
However, I’m having a very hard time dealing with it, because I have always felt that my sexuality and healthy feelings towards men were stolen from me because I was abused when I was 5 years old. I have always linked my sexual struggles to it and thought that I would gradually learn and heal, and I was sort of doing it. I wanted to enjoy sex… and still do.
I guess the problem is that I don’t WANT to be aegosexual. For example, when I found out I had ADHD, I did have to grieve the version of myself that I craved to be for so long and had to accept would simply not exist, but it didn’t feel like this. I took it as a kind of challenge and immediately started looking into how I could help myself make life easier, accepting that I would need to be creative and find ways to function within my limits. I also welcomed the advantages of it.
However, in this case I am very conflicted. I just don’t see the advantages and I feel this huge anger and helplessness, because deep down I still see it as a result of my abuse. I’m bisexual (or biromantic i guess xd) and I have not felt that as being a result of the abuse, so I do feel kind of a hypocrite for relating one sexuality to it and not the other.
I wanted to ask if any of you (or someone you know) thought you were asexual, but it ended up being a result of trauma and you “treated” it (not that being asexual is wrong and HAS to be treated, I’m just talking about the specific case of it being linked to trauma and not real asexuality) I have been looking at information and it is a bit contradictory and triggering. I also can’t go to therapy at the moment, so any books, exercises or simply your experience would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for reading all this (sorry if something makes no sense, English is not my first language), and thanks for existing. Even though I'm literally asking you how I can stop being this way (first stage of grief, am I right? XD) knowing that I am not crazy or alone…I can’t describe it.
https://redd.it/1jeyahg
@asexualityonreddit
