Funtiply ™

07 Jan 2018 04:37

Evolution is a bitch

Funtiply ™

06 Jan 2018 06:09

God Said, "Adam, I want you to do something for Me."
Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"
God said, "Go down into that valley."
Adam said, "What's a valley?"
God explained it to him. Then God said,
"Cross the river."
Adam said ..GOD .. "what's a river ??
God explained that to him, and then said,
"Go over to the Hill......"
Adam said, "What is a hill?"
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, "On The other side of the hill you will find a cave.."
Adam said, 'What's a cave?'
After God explained, He said, "In the cave you will find a woman."
Adam said, "What's a woman?'
So God explained that to him, too.
Then, God said, 'I want you to reproduce."
Adam said, "How do I do that?"
God first said (under His breath), "Geez....." and then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.
So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.
Then, in about five minutes, he was back. God, His patience wearing thin, said Angrily, "What is it now?"
And Adam said....
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(YOU'RE GOING TO
LOVE
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"What's a Headache?"


#writtenshit #humortales

Funtiply ™

05 Jan 2018 19:25

Why couldn't all the astronauts fit in the rocket?

Because they ran out of space

#writtenshit #puncity #wordplay

Funtiply ™

05 Jan 2018 14:26

What dogs actually think...

Funtiply ™

04 Jan 2018 18:43

Why do cows have hooves and not feet?

Because cows lactose.

#writtenshit #puncity #wordplay

Funtiply ™

04 Jan 2018 08:56

Why wouldn’t ducks be good detectives?

They can’t quack the case

#writtenshit #puncity #wordplay

Funtiply ™

03 Jan 2018 17:32

Dad: What's the difference between a turd and a lemon?
Son: I don't know.
Dad: Well I'm not asking you to go grocery shopping then.

#writtenshit

Funtiply ™

02 Jan 2018 21:44

Effective communication

Funtiply ™

02 Jan 2018 08:38

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day.
The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold."
The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up."
The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing cold." The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." He did, and warmed his hands.
The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter.
He said, "My nose is cold." The girl replied "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did, and warmed his nose.
The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."
The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she says to her mother,
"Have you ever heard of a penis?"
Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do you ask?"
The daughter replies, "They make one heck of a mess when they defrost, don't they?"

#writtenshit #humortales

Funtiply ™

01 Jan 2018 09:52

My type of wishes

#NewYear

Funtiply ™

31 Dec 2017 02:38

Me: I'll wake up in the morning and study with a clear mind.

I'll: 😂
Wake up: 😂😂
In the morning: 😂😂😂
Study: 😂😂😂😂
Clear mind: 😂😂😂😂😂

#writtenshit

Funtiply ™

30 Dec 2017 13:07

Knowing there would be lots of kissing on new years eve I decided to shave off the mustache, unfortunately she woke up when I sprayed the shaving foam on her face!

#writtenshit #humortales

Funtiply ™

28 Dec 2017 03:28

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Funtiply ™

26 Dec 2017 08:35

Reindeers don't go to public school, they’re elf taught.

#writtenshit #puncity #wordplay

Funtiply ™

26 Dec 2017 05:55

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

#writtenshit #puncity #wordplay

Funtiply ™

06 Jan 2018 17:55

That's the spirit

#blackhumor

Funtiply ™

06 Jan 2018 06:06

*suspense builds up*

Funtiply ™

05 Jan 2018 14:27

According to Psychology Today magazine, women spend 12,000 hours of their lives crying.
Whereas blokes spend exactly the same amount of time not knowing what the fuck they've done wrong.

#writtenshit #humortales

Funtiply ™

05 Jan 2018 14:26

What were you expecting?

Funtiply ™

04 Jan 2018 18:43

What do you call a happy farmer?

A jolly rancher

#writtenshit #puncity #wordplay

Funtiply ™

04 Jan 2018 08:55

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the school?

It's okay, he woke up.

#writtenshit #puncity #wordplay

Funtiply ™

02 Jan 2018 21:44

When you desperate af

Funtiply ™

02 Jan 2018 14:29

New year goals

#NewYear

Funtiply ™

01 Jan 2018 16:04

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Funtiply ™

31 Dec 2017 02:40

As I was walking into the toilets this guy in a wheelchair said "They're disabled mate!". Went in and took a shit and the toilets worked fine......What a lying spastic

#writtenshit #humortales

Funtiply ™

31 Dec 2017 02:36

How it all started...

Funtiply ™

30 Dec 2017 10:59

Titanic, if it happened today.

Funtiply ™

28 Dec 2017 03:28

Got a lift in to work from a Pakistani colleague today, and had to listen to 'Bhangra FM' for the whole journey.

I didn't want to appear racially insensitive and offend his culture by reaching over and changing the radio station.

Plus, I didn't want to accidentally detonate the van.

#writtenshit #humortales #darkhumor

Funtiply ™

26 Dec 2017 05:55

What does the janitor say when he jumps out of the closet?

Supplies!

#writtenshit #puncity #wordplay

Funtiply ™

26 Dec 2017 05:55

Which of Santa’s reindeer needs to mind his manners the most?

"Rude Olph".

#writtenshit #puncity #wordplay