64
Pro life tips Courtesy of @r_channels
SLPT: Throw stale bread slices out of your sunroof at tailgaters as a deterrent.
https://redd.it/1ch957u
@prolifetipss
LPT If you're gonna binge drink, brush your teeth before you pass out.
This might also cross into SLPT territory.
Make it a goal to brush your teeth before passing out. You have to make it home or find a safe place to stay to brush your teeth. Get a ride/call an Uber. Drinking at home is safer anyway and your toothbrush is already there.
I think there should be a study done about hangover intensity related to dental hygiene before a blackout. I'm never as hungover if I take the time to brush my teeth before passing out.
Plus, you maintain your dental hygiene. Which is always a positive.
https://redd.it/1cgkslk
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Hurting kid’s feelings
Kids are very play oriented. All of their experience and affection is formed through the lens of play and having fun. Unfortunately, this means that young children will also beg you to play often, but there is hope! Desire and love are exploitable weaknesses you can wield against a child. Here’s a 5 step guide to breaking that annoying someone in your life’s spirit so that you can get some peace and quiet.
This guide is aimed at kindergarteners.
Step 1: play often. Play well, do anything they ask you to. Make them dependent on you for the vast majority of attention at home. Come up with all of the games, the rules, and how to play. Become their best friend in the whole wide world. This will stifle their ability to entertain themselves, and their creativity and ability to come up with their own games. Never let them come up with games for this reason. If they suggest a game, reject it harshly, make them feel dumb for even asking. They’re too young to protest.
Step 2: start to play rough.
Next you can transition into consistently playing a little too rough. Nothing major, but enough to make them cry at least once, without being hurtful enough to turn them away. This will sow seeds of fear and distrust, and make them begin to worry about being perceived as weak.
Step 3: When they compensate by playing rougher in return, chastise and criticize them for their lack of control. Insist that people won’t want to play with mean little boys/girls, really nurture those little seeds you planted earlier. Now that you’ve gotten them used to horseplay, they’ll struggle to transition back to calm play. They may struggle connecting with friends or even lose some of the ones they’ve already made because they’re just too used to rough play to interact with the other kids safely.
Step 4: After they’ve lost friends at school, been disciplined and ostracized by teachers, and received enough thorough criticism to salt even the smallest wounds, you harvest those little puppies you planted those months ago. Start to distance yourself. Start small, make little white lie excuses. Eventually as they get more desperate over a period of the next 4-6 months, become more brazen. Start refusing to give explanations or excuses and telling them you just don’t feel like it. Don’t tell them that it’s their fault, act like it’s something that just can’t be helped. You want them to remain hopeful, that hope causes desperation, and makes them especially vulnerable to psychological damage.
Step 4.5: In preparation for step 5, finally look them in the eye and tell them that actually, you just don’t like them. Tell them everything you don’t like about them, preferably when they’re already upset for maximum impact. If you can get them to become breathless or hyperventilate this is ideal, as it means they will likely remember this moment for life. If you’re lucky, it may do permanent psychological damage. Nobody likes having their best friend berate them for perceived faults that you don’t even understand, after all.
Step 5: after weeks of no play at all, finally agree to play with them. Get drunk off the bubbling excitement and joy that spreads across their face as they ask what it is you want ti play. Blow up a balloon and say “hide and seek”. First you hide, hand them the balloon and tell them to tag you with it, and then they’ll have “found you”. Play as normal. Then it’s YOUR turn to count. Tell them you’re going to count to 30, and you want them to find an extra special hiding spot. Right at 30, instead of bolting off to look for them, turn 180 degrees, drop the balloon where you stand for them to find, and walk away. When they inevitably find you later and confront you, give a vague, non-committal answer and walk off again. Don’t look them in the eyes, and if you can lock a door in their face that’s even better.
If performed correctly, this should leave your menace with:
1: Permanent trust issues
2: Less friends than they started with (collapsing social circle)
3: Traumatic stress
4: Mood alterations,
SLPT: Here's a tool that can help make any pair of headphones wireless
https://redd.it/1cgc1hc
@prolifetipss
LPT - The 2024 calendar is identical to the 1996 calendar. Save money by getting a second hand 96’ diary
https://redd.it/1cg4gke
@prolifetipss
SLPT: If you ever get pulled over for a suspected DUI...
Obtain and spray novelty fart spray all over the driver side window. Tell the officer you were speeding home because you have diarrhea. Alcohol smell concealed. Crisis averted.
This is an ACTUAL shitty life pro tip.
https://redd.it/1cfo45a
@prolifetipss
SLPTget ready to pull
https://redd.it/1cfcb28
@prolifetipss
SLPT: free gifts
Being a porch pirate is illegal and mean. Instead, when you see a neighbors red flag handle lifted up on their mailbox, take from that and put the flag down. When the would-be recipient does not receive the letter, the mail service will be blamed. Yes, this is a federal crime, but it could be a birthday card!
https://redd.it/1cezz4j
@prolifetipss
LPT: Save money on putting air in your tires by using a potato chip bag.
https://redd.it/1ce2bji
@prolifetipss
SLPT: If you’re ever pulled over by a cop after smoking some of the devil’s lettuce, if the cop asks why your eyes are red, tell them you’ve been crying and then just start trauma dumping all over them. If successful, the officer will become incredibly uncomfortable and leave
https://redd.it/1cdtf5h
@prolifetipss
SLPT: The Unexpected Dating Hotspot
https://redd.it/1cdib1f
@prolifetipss
LPT: The hottest songs at prom this year will include Ricky Martin's "Livin' La Vida Loca", Black Eyed Peas "Boom Boom Pow", Gwen Stefani's "Hollaback Girl", and Paula Cole's "I Don't Want to Wait". Play them at full blast as you roll in to get that party in gear.
https://redd.it/1cdbf7t
@prolifetipss
SLPT: How to get off the plane faster when you land
pretend you’re a terrorist and security will give you a personal escort out of the terminal
https://redd.it/1ccydzz
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Put extra drinks into the hotel mini fridge before you leave
Legally they have to pay you per drink added.
https://redd.it/1ccmxyj
@prolifetipss
SLPT: This one simple trick women don't want you to know.
https://redd.it/1ccai8h
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Sick of the high delivery fees on DoorDash or UberEats? Destroy and invade a nearby university campus and demand to immediately be fed and suddenly delivery is free!
https://twitter.com/TPostMillennial/status/1785386376755900611
https://redd.it/1ch7d23
@prolifetipss
if done correctly in combination with other techniques can be the root of schizophrenia.
Have fun and good hunting!
https://redd.it/1cgenl8
@prolifetipss
SLPT: if you absolutely insist on texting and driving, bring your phone UP to face level, DONT look down at your phone
Obviously don’t text and drive or use your phone while driving at all
But nothing freaks me out more when I’m driving 70, next to someone also driving 70, and their heads are tilted down at a 45 degree angle texting
Bruh you can’t even claim that your keeping an eye on the road if your head it turned fucking down
I think everyone has text and driven before at least once. I avoid it like the plague but if I absolutely have to (which is an excuse, when I “have to text and drive” is literally never. I’m just dumb sometimes)
I will bring my phone to eye level, out of road view, and glance using my EYE BALLS ONLY, not DIVERT MY WHOLE SKULL
it’s bad enough already, if we could at least make it slightly less bad that’d be great
Yeah I understand your hiding it from the police, but ffs your looking down, you don’t think the cops gonna stop you for that?
https://redd.it/1cgfg6c
@prolifetipss
SLPT: D.I.Y Gas leak detector
https://redd.it/1cgbnzt
@prolifetipss
LPT: You can buy a bunch of loose cubic zirconia ‘diamonds’ for like $20. Keep a small bag full of them, label the bag ‘diamonds’, and use them to attempt to bribe officials, impress your dates, etc.
https://redd.it/1cfqfsa
@prolifetipss
SLPT - How to enjoy being active again.
If you break a bone that makes you unable to be active such as a hip, leg, ankle, foot, you will absolutely love being active when you’re healed up! Being knocked down for weeks or months will make you hate being on your ass all day everyday.
https://redd.it/1cfc5i7
@prolifetipss
SLPT: you can get a small, interest-free loan by accepting a job with a relocation package and then breaking the job contract.
I accepted a job offer and it includes a relocation package which involves a lump sum grant/payment which is “paid” back prorated over 2 years. Should I quit, i will need to repay the remaining months.
https://redd.it/1cfa4cz
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Saving water
If you are a guy that is just trying to save water in the home, toss a few pieces of toilet paper in the toilet after you pee. That way, after someone confronts the family about not flushing their pee every time, only the women will be suspects
https://redd.it/1cezzye
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Bamboozle your friends by offering them an aerated thumbs up! They'll never know what's going on.
​
https://preview.redd.it/y75ogwdx8vwc1.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=a7a96621773d91e543fc7ecba4ddf4ddf5be2f5e
https://redd.it/1cdskqv
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Get caught masturbating to turn your friends gay.
https://redd.it/1cdpxoo
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Want to remove rust? Wire some high voltage from the outlet directly to this wrench. Don't think about the circuit breaker... Or your safety
https://redd.it/1cdb152
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Change your name to 'Sale', no last name, now everything marked '4 Sale' belongs to you.
https://redd.it/1cd3cm9
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Aldi Shopping Carts = Instant Cash
https://redd.it/1ccxqe0
@prolifetipss
SLPT- Make sure you dig a hole in the ground before pouring your used engine oil in it
https://redd.it/1ccbggh
@prolifetipss
SLPT: if you want to admire your poops in public toilets just put some toilie paper over the auto flush lazer
https://redd.it/1cc3lue
@prolifetipss
