64
Pro life tips Courtesy of @r_channels
SLPT: Unemployment Benefits
https://redd.it/1ib4vep
@prolifetipss
LPT Use a twist of your shirt to clean your vape mouthpiece in a pinch
You can wet it first too.
Of course, a q tip would work better.
Also you can snot rocket into your pants at the knee for when you don’t have a tissue
https://redd.it/1iami8a
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Never lose your keys again by not having any!
Why waste time searching for your elusive keys when you can simply embrace the keyless lifestyle? Use a lock that’s so complex even you’ll forget how to open it! Bonus points for attempting to unlock your front door using only your amazing charisma and interpretative dance!
https://redd.it/1iaksfx
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Tired of losing your remote? Just buy a second TV and funnel all your energy into them!
Why stress over a misplaced remote when you can live the dream of having a dedicated TV for every room? $10,000 on electronics, and bing-bang-boom, you’re always one click away from starting yet another Netflix binge without the hassle of finding the closest couch fort!
https://redd.it/1i9y29e
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Eliminate unnecessary stress by constantly procrastinating until the content stress spontaneously resolves itself!
Why tackle those looming deadlines head-on when you can live in blissful ignorance? Just ignore that looming Got-Caught-Up-OniERow-Prosurf cadáver headed your way— because honestly, nothing cures anxiety like first not knowing and then screaming at past you the day before it’s due.
https://redd.it/1i9vt91
@prolifetipss
SLPT: How to avoid getting pregnant
https://redd.it/1i9v82p
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Improve your eating habits by only dining out... on nights you can’t afford it!
Why waste time cooking at home or indulging in nutritious meals when you can take your culinary fervor to them every restaurant you’ve never liked? Experiencing sheer panic after each credit card swipe as you dein it up at an upscale eatery really teaches those spending bills a lesson! Plus, think of the excitement every time the collection agency calls! Who needs to meal prep or stick to a diet? Live lavishly... and selfishly!
https://redd.it/1i9663l
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Sign your enemy up for random non vulgar magazines
Wasn't sure if this was a SLPT or a LPT, so this happened to me personally. Someone, i dont know who or when signed me up for "Wine Spectator". It's an innocent magazine, but it's got me wondering, where are they coming from, why am i getting them. I get "This is your last issue, please renew" magazines, only to get even more afterwards. I checked my bank statements, ,and I didn't accidently order it myself. So i can imagine there is probably someone out there laughing knowing the chaos and confusion they are causing. I've been getting them for almost two years now, even when i moved i'm still getting them (Makes sense with change of address, but still).
So not gonna lie, if anyone i know ever pisses me off, Imma just find a random cheap magazine and sign them up for it
\I dont know if with the internet, if "adult" magazines are even a thing anymore to get in the mail.
https://redd.it/1i97nye
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Overcome procrastination completely by forgetting all deadlines!
Why struggle to meet deadlines with pointless tasks like planning or actually working? Just wipe your calendar clean and pretend today is always a holiday! With zero obligations, you'll free up your mental space for more important decisions, like choosing which pizza to order for dinner... or breakfast!
https://redd.it/1i94qh6
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Eliminate the stress of making decisions by never making any!
Drown in the bliss of indecision by rejecting every option in life! Who needswhat to have lunch when you can starve in deep contemplation? Instead of choosing hairstyles, just wear an oversized paper bag on your head. You'll never look wrong, and neither will your none-existent friends!
https://redd.it/1i932nz
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Use your favorite pillow as your computer mouse pad to double as a heartwarming conversation starter!
Why bother with a boring, flat mouse pad when you can sift through crunchily sentimental moments every time you click? Prepare for endless chit-chat at the office as others comment on your unique choice — 'Such a comfy work aesthetic!' Who wouldn’t want to feel nostalgic about nap times while scrolling through spreadsheets!
https://redd.it/1i916dd
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Nothing ever tries to rip you limb from limb if you don't volunteer
https://redd.it/1i8o8yz
@prolifetipss
SLPT: How to discreetly exempt yourself from baking duties on the holidays
https://redd.it/1i869xb
@prolifetipss
SLPT: How to ace a job interview
https://redd.it/1i7e7eg
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Lost Your Job?
https://redd.it/1i74jea
@prolifetipss
SLPT: How to save money on train tickets
https://redd.it/1iawwwo
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Skip that awkward small talk by announcing your all-time favorite flavor of ice cream in a crowded elevator!
Why exchange banalities when you can become the designated human speakerphone for gelato gossip? Just loudly proclaim respectively passion for unicorn sparkle raspberry fudge and watch people 'pretend' to not well up with tears of joy or confusion! Instant friendships and or strange sidesteps await!
https://redd.it/1ialv0r
@prolifetipss
SLPT been pulled over? Ask the cop if he wants a highway named after him! Its flattering!
https://redd.it/1iafnob
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Solve all your cleaning problems by painting everything black!
Tired of dust, stains, and seeing your gross floor? Problem solved! Just paint everything black. Not only will your home mirror the void of existence but it'll also hide ninety-nine percent of the mess! And who needs colors when you can embrace your inner goth? Who knows, maybe even your socks can get a makeover!
https://redd.it/1i9v7zt
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Enhance your social life by loudly announcing every thought you have!
Tired of awkward silences at parties? Just shout your inner dialogue! For example, 'I wonder what happens if I mix jelly beans with mayonnaise?' People will flock to you like moths to a flame, intrigued and probably a little nauseated. Who needs charisma when you have unsolicited monologues?
https://redd.it/1i9v9gk
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Avoid doing laundry forever by only buying black clothes!
Laundry is a myth perpetuated by detergent companies to sell more soap. Just invest in an entire wardrobe of black clothing! You'll not only be stylishly monochrome but also retired from the laundry schedule entirely—except for the occasional 'get your face out of a bucket of bleach moment' to keep things interesting!
https://redd.it/1i9sfxk
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Broaden your social circle by making eye contact with every passerby – it'll freak them out and display your extreme confidence!
Who needs friends when you can channel your inner-sociopath? Lock eyes with strangers to create intensely awkward moments! They'll love your dedication to producing baffled looks, and bonus points if they cross the street to avoid you. Guaranteed social growth – in some delusional universe!
https://redd.it/1i940dw
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Tired of listening to your partner? Consider getting a pet rock!
Who needs heart-to-heart talks when you've got a trusty pet rock? Just place it in any room, and it will silently listen to your deepest fears while offering zero feedback! Plus, it won’t steal the covers or put you on a guilt trip because of that ice cream binge.
https://redd.it/1i98eoo
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Reduce Caffeine Cravings by Taking Up Extreme Sports!
Why waste precious dollars on overpriced coffee when you could satisfy your cravings through the thrill of base jumping or tightrope walking? Who needs caffeine when you're surging with adrenaline? Panic attacks and questionable life choices are clearly the new coffee buzz!
https://redd.it/1i94bk8
@prolifetipss
SLPT Always remember to empty your computer's recycle bin before you physically move your computer so that it is lighter.
Who would want to carry around a computer full of trash?
https://redd.it/1i92zyi
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Treat Ya Self
https://redd.it/1i8qxsc
@prolifetipss
SLPT: If you want to feel like you've lost weight, exchange your pounds scale for a kilogram scale. You'll feel light as a feather.
https://redd.it/1i8c1mn
@prolifetipss
SLPT: How to encourage cleanliness and hygiene in men
https://redd.it/1i7eq2o
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Take out a loan or max out your credit card and don't pay it back. After a few years, when the debts have been sold on a few times to different debt collectors, you'll begin to receive letters offering you massive discounts on paying them back.
I'd recommend if you own a car, not to leave it on your driveway... and not to open the door if anyone knocks for a few years 👍
https://redd.it/1i78aut
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Eliminate all your dry skin problems by hiring a team of tiny personal moisturizers!
Forget about expensive creams or annoying lotions! Just hire a team of miniature, highly-trained professionals to follow you around and apply moisturizer at random intervals. Bonus tip: pay them in particle board so they feel as valued as they’ll make you feel! Just imagine the moisturized world around you, complete with tiny little life coaches urging you to embrace your silkless, hydrated destiny!
https://redd.it/1i6sa5u
@prolifetipss