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Pro life tips Courtesy of @r_channels
SLPT: Invest on your children's financial future by not being a terrible parent, so they won't need therapy
https://redd.it/1kvcupf
@prolifetipss
LPT: Upgrade your Fleshlight with a vacuum cleaner (The SuckLight).
Have you ever been vacuuming the house, got a little horny, and thought, "Damn, I could really go for a blowjob right now"?
I did. And I wasn’t about to spend $5000 on some fancy sex robot.
So here is the idea that changed my day:
Because today I invented something beautiful. Something very nice.
I call it: The SuckLight ""Vacuum the house and let it blow you too"
It is exactly what it sounds like: it's a Fleshlight taped to the end of a vacuum cleaner. You don't need a engineering degree to make it. Just tape, suction, and confidence.
What was the worst that could happen? The vacuum sucking my dick off? No this is pure and safe adult fun.
I don’t know if this makes me an innovator or just very divorced, but I do know this: my Fleshlight, Creampuff, has finally reached its final form. And today it hums at 2000 watts.
You're welcome.
https://redd.it/1kuz7bp
@prolifetipss
SLPT: When you're looking at your messages, and you're unsure which ones you sent or which ones were sent to you, you can always look at the hint in the message that says "delivered" or "read." Those ones are the ones that you sent.
https://redd.it/1ku8ehc
@prolifetipss
SLPT: If you find yourself attracted to a woman other than your wife, take pictures of that woman and then show them to your wife, this way she'll know the kind of woman you're looking for, and she'll likely change her appearance.
https://redd.it/1kt0nhq
@prolifetipss
SLPT: If your friends’ or relatives’ teenage daughter annoys you, just leave a positive pregnancy stick in their bathroom trash can.
https://redd.it/1kseqwj
@prolifetipss
SLPT: If a girl ever pulls a knife on you during an argument, pull out the bread, turkey, and Mayo. Her instincts will kick in and she will make you a sandwich.
https://redd.it/1krkrgu
@prolifetipss
LPT: don't want to take your n3DS backplate off and FTP is too slow? just cut a hole in the backplate to access the SD easier
https://redd.it/1kr2owz
@prolifetipss
SLPT: become a famous and rich person by starting your own podcast. Just make sure that famous people come otherwise no one will watch it. And famous people won’t come if no one watches it.
https://redd.it/1kq15q5
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Try to memorize an Indian pop song, so if an Indian scammer calls you, sing this song to him. You’ll make his day and he won’t bother you anymore.
https://redd.it/1kpvie3
@prolifetipss
LPT: Lost track of your various subscriptions? Freeze your main card. When the payment declines, they’ll email you and you can cancel the subscription.
This might or might not have happened to me by accident. Silver lining to losing your wallet!
https://redd.it/1kp3jwz
@prolifetipss
LPT: Do not get old.
I literally got winded. Doing the unspeakable normal task that every human does on a throne made of porcelain, but I cannot directly say it without getting flagged or reported. This task was the product of eating food. I did my best to describe this deed in a way that would not make it seem gross or unpleasant.
My main point is getting old sucks and doing menial human functions now causes my body to go into a relentless struggle for air. Please please please, do not get old. Just don't. Thanks.
- Your friendly neighborhood millennial.
https://redd.it/1kobq64
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Get a watch that is difficult to read so other people cannot tell the time for free
Too lazy to pull out your phone? Get your own watch, you fucking freeloader. I didn't buy this for YOU. I bought it for me.
You can't even be bothered to ask? You're just going to look over my shoulder and see MY time?
Nope, not anymore.
My watch is a fucking puzzle to read.
Every time I want to know what time it is I have go think about it a little. I've gotten better at it since I first got it last year, but there's always a little effort to it.
A small price to pay to maintain sovereignty over my time telling device.
https://redd.it/1ko2usg
@prolifetipss
SLPT for blind folks: Lube up your fingers to increase your reading speed
https://redd.it/1knji8p
@prolifetipss
LPT: to lose weight eat a diet that makes you feel nauseous
The reason you can’t lose weight is because you feel better when you eat. If you eat plenty of foods that are rich in tannins or foods that you’re intolerant too, you’ll stop enjoying food and will start to prefer a bit of hunger.
https://redd.it/1knj3ri
@prolifetipss
SLPT: If you regularly beg on highway exit ramps, avoid the "I don't have any cash" excuse by adding a card reader to your smartphone.
https://redd.it/1kng0h3
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Eating junk food is technically dieting
https://redd.it/1kv0824
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Bored of using heads and tails to make decisions? Close your eyes and throw a brick out of the window. Pavement or pedestrian.
https://redd.it/1kuy6bv
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Want to grab someone’s ass without any trouble? Just say “Oh, I thought you were my partner” and stay calm like it was their mistake.
They’ll end up apologizing to you.
https://redd.it/1ktil8g
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Your kids probably don’t love you as much as your employer does so show some gratitude
When was the last time your kids provided the entire staff multiple cheese AND pepperoni pizzas? When was the last time your kids approved your PTO after you called in sick? We don’t have to approve those, you know. I bet your kids don’t even pay you. That’s why you should skip their graduation and come on into work. You ever been to one of these graduations? Terrible. Come in and work a half day and avoid that long winded drawn out bullshit.
https://redd.it/1kst731
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Do you own a store that you're absolutely terrified of people seeing from public? Don't build a store next to a public sidewalk. Don't build windows looking out at the sidewalk. Don't build an entire wall out of glass.
https://redd.it/1krya8t
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Save $ on maids (for house cleaning) by dating a person with OCD.
https://redd.it/1krf9de
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Smile/laugh cheerfully and heartily for your mugshot. That way you can tell people that it was just silly mugshot taken at a bachelor/bachelorette party.
https://redd.it/1kqsjma
@prolifetipss
SLPT request the opposite of came to shit but only farted
Everyone knows
Here I sit broken hearted
Came to shit
But only farted
But is there a cute little rhyme for when you think you are only going to fart but instead you, either a little or a lot, shit your pants?
https://redd.it/1kpzcom
@prolifetipss
LPT- Always walk on wrong side of the road so that you can escape being hit by a vehicle. Otherwise a vehicle can hit you from behind.
https://redd.it/1kprooj
@prolifetipss
LPT: Keep trying, eventually your joke will land.
If a joke your making to your buddy isn't making them laugh... try again.
And again,
And again.
Eventually your joke will land and laughter will fill the room.
Pro Tip: Jokes don't expire, if it worked once, it'll work again! Keep making that same joke over and over and you will soon be source of your friend group's happiness. 😃
https://redd.it/1konng9
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Shit in a bag and smear the shit over your car’s front grille
Now you can assert your dominance by making anyone in your car to breathe your shit forever!
https://redd.it/1ko3jum
@prolifetipss
SLPT: If you have no life consider donating blood
You'll easily pass the high risk sexual behaviour screening question and the one about doing drugs. Donating blood saves lives and supports a wide range of medical treatments!
https://redd.it/1kntwzc
@prolifetipss
SLPT: The reason most casinos don't have clocks is that it typically takes 72 hours of nonstop gambling to start winning big and they are banking on you stopping before that. Set an alarm on your phone and don't stop before 72 hours to beat the house.
Be sure to bring lots of valuables to pawn for a fraction or their value in case you run out of cash early. Also, whatever you do, don't stop to eat or sleep or the time starts over.
https://redd.it/1knlse5
@prolifetipss
SLPT: if you have to go to the hospital try to get c.diff or cholera as well to increase your chances of getting a private room
For some reason they don't like to keep patients with highly contagious diarrhea mixed into the crowded waiting rooms or hallways
https://redd.it/1kniypy
@prolifetipss
LPT: When stopped by the police, tell them you are not carrying bombs or other illegal items
In this day and age we never know who carries weapons or illegal substances, hence why police have increased stress nowadays.
Be a good citizen and let police know you are not carrying illegal items or that you are not planning to do violent acts by for example telling them «I am not carrying a bomb», without them having to ask.
Why?
1 - Good dialogue
2 - Increased trust
3 - Cooperation and safety increases
https://redd.it/1knf2qj
@prolifetipss