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Pro life tips Courtesy of @r_channels
SLPT: If you’re ever lost in the woods, the best way to get rescued is by starting a massive forest fire
Firefighters see smoke/fire, come to put it out, you’re saved.
Bonus points if you can frame someone else for starting the fire.
https://redd.it/1dpqaoc
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Alcoholic but want to get ripped? Put weights in front of your beer fridge
You need a few things for this to work:
1. Beer (or other refrigerated beverage) as your drink of choice
2. A refrigerator where the door opens ground level - think hotel or dorm room fridge
3. Some dumbbells or other hand weights
Place weights in front of the refrigerator door. When thirsty, move the weights out of the way to access your beverage. Rinse and repeat! You're on your way to having a beer belly and biceps!
https://redd.it/1dpb6r0
@prolifetipss
SLPT: If you maintain a negative balance in your PTO then you can never get fired
An added bonus: you don't need to give a full two weeks notice either.
https://redd.it/1dohxxn
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Don’t like to interact with people?
Develop a bad breath so that people would avoid you in social settings.
https://redd.it/1dnyvca
@prolifetipss
SLPT: When taking black&white photos, use a photo filter on colored photos instead of painting your subject with b&w paint
https://redd.it/1dngbnb
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Lonely? Start drinking every day, become an alcoholic, then you can go to AA and have a whole group of new friends!
https://redd.it/1dn69bx
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Can't find the last Easter egg on your hunt? Check your ovaries.
https://redd.it/1dn59i0
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Add a couple drops of essential rose oil to your toilet.
This way when someone says ”Hey, what do you think your shit smells like roses or something?” you can affirm without being a liar.
https://redd.it/1dmlueg
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Don't have a family and they can't murder you.
With the rise of people murdering their families the best course of action is preventative by not building or having a family.
https://redd.it/1dmi1of
@prolifetipss
LPT If you ever come across an ant hill full of stinging red ants, just go and sit down on top of the anthill. It'll piss them off and make the ants leave.
Just remember that ants don't like having their hills disturbed. And especially the red ants. So, if you ever come across one, drop your drawers and sit down on the ant hill naked. It'll piss them off.
https://redd.it/1dmf8rb
@prolifetipss
SLPT - Have a dog charging towards you? Jump up before it reaches you to crush it. Thank me later
https://redd.it/1dm72wm
@prolifetipss
SLPT: you don’t really need license plate(s) because the car will still run without it
https://redd.it/1dm6jo3
@prolifetipss
SLPT You can stop big tech companies listening to you by briefly unplugging during an update.
https://redd.it/1dm239v
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Want a quick police response? Simply tell 911 that someone is filming in public and you're terrified. Half of the cops in the city will show up within 15 minutes itching for violence.
https://redd.it/1dlujwa
@prolifetipss
SLPT - Feeling down? Climb a flight of stairs.
https://redd.it/1dlrwe3
@prolifetipss
SLPT: if you have someone else write half your homework answers, your teacher will know you’re either not cheating or incredibly stupid.
https://redd.it/1dpc9kw
@prolifetipss
SLPT: A good way to deter someone from stealing your car is having a corpse in the back seat
That is all
https://redd.it/1dp4no9
@prolifetipss
SLPT: A new dog is a quick excuse for a messy house.
https://redd.it/1doh8tw
@prolifetipss
SLPT: stop giving a shit! Its life changing!
That's it, just don’t give a shit.
The sun will expand and Earth won't withstand.
You won't be remembered when you're gone,
Your great grandkids won't know you from John.
All you're stressed about, a pointless strife,
You could die later today, that’s life.
Some will love you, some will sneer,
Call you the biggest asshole here.
So help a stranger, lend a hand,
Or piss on your neighbor's land.
I don’t give a shit, neither should you,
Be kind or petty, do what you do.
In the end, it’s all the same,
Life’s a brief, fleeting game.
https://redd.it/1dnw0u9
@prolifetipss
SLPT When filing your taxes, remember: S.L.A.B your J.A.B
Segregate Legs At Breakfast your Jambalaya At Breakfast.
Its a quick way to remember.
https://redd.it/1dnf0ip
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Make mattress shopping easier by taking your anime pillow with you.
https://redd.it/1dn51ki
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Steal the cotter pin out of a porta pot's toilet paper holder
https://redd.it/1dn0jr4
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Tired of the cost of food? Start taking psychiatric medications. Now you have no appetite anyway.
https://redd.it/1dmlg0y
@prolifetipss
SLPT: When going into a fight, spit a loogie onto your knuckles for +5 disease damage.
Fistfighting is straight physical damage, but with a good wad of spit on your knuckles you add physical AND disease damage to your attacks. If you have any illness that can be spread via saliva that's another +5 disease damage, and if your mouth is bleeding at the time of spitting that's yet ANOTHER +5 disease damage! Don't worry, YOU won't get an infection into your busted knuckle skin that will turn your hand into an infection sack days later - it came from YOUR mouth and YOUR body so therefore it is perfectly safe to do. The only unfair fight there can be is the one you lose, so hwak tuah your hands before you throw them.
https://redd.it/1dmi68l
@prolifetipss
SLPT: Always leave the door wide open and the lights on when you leave home on a long trip.
Any potential burglars will think you are home so won’t rob you. This will also save money on house sitters as you can just leave the house without worrying.
https://redd.it/1dmb027
@prolifetipss
SLPT: To dodge any financial responsibility in case of a collision, simply stick a label on your car that reads “Not Responsible For Damage”. Stick it on all 4 sides just to be safe!
https://redd.it/1dm6vsr
@prolifetipss
SLPT - Car Air Freshener
Get a bottle of maple syrup and pour it down all your car vents. Now your car will smell like pancakes!
https://redd.it/1dm5bq9
@prolifetipss
SLPT - Poop Your Pants
The days are rough and things are getting darker. Finding a hobby can help alleviate the pain.
When I started focusing on pooping my pants every time, it was a great distraction from debt, bills, professional immobility, my wife, political fearmongering and so much more.
I stopped using social media, and my screen time reduced by 75%. It’s even considered radical activism in some circles. You can too.
https://redd.it/1dm2j8s
@prolifetipss
SLPT - Choking on an ice cube? Pour boiling water down your throat.
https://redd.it/1dlt4lv
@prolifetipss
SLPT How to never get robbed again
https://preview.redd.it/v216xinm628d1.jpg?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=368240427b3b24ebcdfc01e1ca01a739e4c1c973
https://redd.it/1dlocqh
@prolifetipss
