26
Head over to @reddit2telegram @r_channels for more subreddits channels.
TIFU by slaying (what I thought was) a dragon
Obligatory didn’t happen today; this happened in 2007 or 2008.
To set the scene, I was a wee four year old and, on the day of the FU, we visited a zoo. I actually have no recollection of what flora and fauna I saw at the zoo. All I remember is the TIFU.
Like most four year olds, I knew jackshit about the world. Pretty much all the knowledge that I’d hitherto accrued was from a mixture of movies, cartoons and fairytales. This will be pertinent later.
At the time, I also had this blue and gray toy wrench that I loved to play with and we were inseparable. Sometimes, I’d hold it by the jaw with one hand and the handle with the other and pretend it was a rifle or shotgun. Other times, I would hold it by the handle and swing it like a club or a sword. Other times, I’d hold it by just the jaw with one hand and pretend it was a revolver. You get the idea.
Anyways, I’d take it with me everywhere and, on that fateful day, I took it with me to the zoo. The day started off pretty uneventful: We went to a bunch of exhibits and saw a bunch of animals (again, I don’t remember which) and then, at around midday, my mom, dad, brother and I decided to take a break from walking and eat some snacks that my parents packed.
So we sat at these planters. It looks kind of like this but it was bigger and the layout was rectangular. Also the shrubs in the middle were denser. We were all seated side by side and I was on the left end. Suddenly, a baby lizard crept from the foliage onto the cement and it was just a foot or so to my left.
So I did what any rational well-adjusted individual would do after seeing an innocent juvenile animal (/s):
“Dragon!”, I shrieked in terror, proceeding to repeatedly bludgeon the poor thing with my toy wrench for several seconds until I was sure that it was motionless.
Yea…that was my first encounter with a lizard and, in my defense, I had no idea what a lizard was. It just never came up. As far as I was concerned, it was a miniature wingless dragon and I wasn’t going to wait to find out if it could breathe fire or not! Also, the speed at which it moved onto the planter and towards me startled me, further exacerbating my panic.
Needless to say, the commotion got the attention of my parents and they were not happy. They made me throw my beloved wrench away and explained to me what a lizard was and that the being I killed was not a dragon.
TL;DR:
Knight (dumb 4 year old) gets ambushed by a fierce dragon (baby lizard), slew it (bashed it in panic), learns that the beast was innocent (harmless and minding its own business) and was made to relinquish sword (toy wrench).
https://redd.it/1nxp67t
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU By Having An Internet Hiccup
Picture it: a Teams video-meeting; buncha Hollywood Squares-ass faces and nary a Paul Lynde to be seen.
We'd had the same meeting yesterday with a different team, so I was going mostly on muscle memory, and a point in the agenda approached where one member of leadership told everybody that she was moving to another team that needed her; she began her spiel and I thought she sounded oddly emotional about it, but then she had the day before too, and it's Friday, we're all tired, our country and specifically the city many of my coworkers are based in are being devoured by fascism, etc., so I didn't think anything of it.
At this moment, my internet decides to hiccup--Centurylink! Spit!--and everyone in the meeting becomes a beatboxing robot¹; with no Alpha-6 to interpret for me I decided the quickest thing would be to just restart my computer.
I hop back online and see in the meeting's chat a handful of replies to the news that this manager is leaving, much the same as they were in yesterday's meeting: "Sending our thoughts and prayers your way, heart emoji", "You're a rockstar!", "Believing in all best outcomes for you!", etc. So I toss in a fairly generic best-wishes for a person who's always been pleasant and helpful to me but with whom I don't have any particular personal connection: "So happy for you, you're going to do great, tell everyone on that side we said hi!" CTRL+Enter, pleasantry go zoop, I go back to adding jokes to the meeting notes because I'm an exhausting delight.
On another screen, where I keep my main Teams window, I see that another team member (who had sent one of the above messages) has messaged me on the side, informing me with appropriate delicacy that in the 90 seconds it took for my computer to defibrillate itself, the manager in question had informed the group that in addition to her transfer to another team, SHE IS PRESENTLY COPING WITH A RECENT CANCER DIAGNOSIS.
After cleaning a spit-take's worth of Dr. Pepper off my screen and the cat sleeping on my desk, I delete my message from the chat immediately, but by then the manager in question herself had moved on to an actual protocol-question and pasted several items in the chat, physically barring me from adding a new, less tonally-insane message to the discourse without being a disruptive Johnny-hit-Enter-too-late, which is arguably worse than the first thing I did. And so I just sat there: an asshole, who said nothing out loud or in the chat when a coworker shared a moment of incredible human vulnerability with us all. And that's going to be her last memory of me.
The. Stupid. End.
TL;DR: I fucked up by, thanks to an iffy internet connection, congratulating a coworker on being diagnosed with cancer.
¹"If you got GUI problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 mbps/sec but a bit is not equal to 1"
https://redd.it/1nxjsh8
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by burning my dinner while trying to impress a date.
So few weeks back t I thought I was going to be smooth. My bf was coming over and instead of just ordering food or doing something casual, I decided to go full Gordon Ramsay mode. I bought ingredients, looked up a recipe online, and told myself, "this is going to impress them so much!!"
Except I barely cook. Like… scrambled eggs and pasta is my comfort zone. But I thought, how hard can it be??!
Well, I left the pan for literally 2 minutes and somehow managed to turn it into a full smoke bomb. I don’t know what chemical reaction happened in there but it set off the fire alarm instantly. I panicked, tried fanning the alarm with a towel, which only made the smoke worse. Within seconds my neighbors were poking their heads out to see if I was about to burn the place down.
Meanwhile, my bf is sitting at the kitchen table trying not to laugh while I’m running around like a maniac. Finally I gave up, opened every window in the apartment, and just admitted defeat. We ended up ordering takeout and sitting on the floor by the open window eating like it was a picnic while the place aired out.
The crazy part? He thought it was hilarious. He kept saying it was“memorable and teased me about being a better comedian than chef. So maybe not a total disaster, but my chances of pulling off fancy vibes are officially dead.
TL;DR: Tried to cook a fancy dinner for my date, turned my kitchen into a smoke bomb, set off the fire alarm, and ended up ordering takeout with every window open. Smoothness gone.
https://redd.it/1nxc8w0
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU letting Calvin the giraffe lick my face
I love Calvin, he's such a cool giraffe! I see him all the time at the zoo when I take my kids there. You can feed him lettuce and he'll go put his head over the fence and you can pet him and feed him.
I feel like we have a special bond. He seems to really like me. We kind of rub heads together and he licks my hair a bunch, and we kind of play fight, putting our necks back and forward. I always thought that was so cool and my kids love it.
Anyway, today I was feeding Calvin with my kids, goofing around, letting him lick my head and pull on my hair with his tongue. I notice the young guy who sells the lettuce next to Calvin's enclosure just kind of looked at me and shook his head.
I go "what's up, something wrong?" And he says "I wouldn't let that giraffe lick me". And I ask why not? And he says that whenever the female giraffe takes a pee, Calvin stands behind her and licks it up... And the female giraffe had just gotten done peeing....
TL;DR let my best giraffe friend lick my head only to find out that he drinks pee all the time....
https://redd.it/1nxchrj
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by not checking how many wet wipes were in the pack
TLDR: baby unexpectedly pooped multiple times on a flight. I didn’t check the wet wipes pack before taking him to the bathroom for a nappy change and found myself facing a poonami with a single wet wipe at my disposal.
My husband and I are flying home to Australia from Italy with our almost five month old. We’ve been traipsing about the UK and Italy for the past 3.5 weeks, with a fair number of planes and trains, so we’ve mostly got this travelling with a baby thing down pat.
An hour into our 14 hour flight (first leg), we realise Bub, who usually poops once a day like clockwork around 6am, has an unmistakably smelly nappy. Hubby takes the hit and takes Bub to the bathroom for a nappy change.
When he comes back, he has a shellshocked look on his face. He tells me the story of the giant shit he just dealt with. We have a laugh, Bub is clean and smiley again, ready for his bottle and a nap. We give him a feed and settle him down in the plane bassinet. He sleeps a good three hours.
He awakes in a particularly bad mood. After trying to settle him with another bottle, I pick him up and give him a cuddle. That’s when I smell it. To my surprise even after hotboxing his dad, he’s clearly pooped again.
My turn, I grab our supplies; change pad, fresh outfit (his clothes feel worryingly damp), fresh nappy, wet wipes, nappy cream, hand sanitizer. Off I go to the loo to see what gift our wee one has churned out for me today.
I lay him out on the change table in the lavatory, take his legs out of the jumpsuit, wash my hands, open the wet wipes pack, and undo the nappy to find a full blown poonami. His legs, his back, and all up around his sack.
The smell assaults me. Through watering eyes I wipe off what I can with the few remaining clean parts of the nappy as my little guy grins and gurgles up at me. Then I reach into the wet wipes pack to begin the real job… only to find a single, solitary, wipe.
I pause, looking at the wipe in consternation. Hubby isn’t on the wifi so I can’t message for backup. I can’t feasibly walk down the plane aisle with a baby covered in shit to obtain a new pack. Only one thing to it; this has to be a precision job. Every swipe of ground zero has to be calculated for best use of the available resources.
I’m actually pretty proud of my work. I cleaned him up, stripped him down and used a bit of water and a ‘clean’ part of his jumpsuit to do a polish. Put on a new nappy, dressed him up in his stylish checkered pantsuit and “hello world” bib (we’re teething so allll the drool), washed my hands again, packed up our stuff and got us back to the seat without more than a gurgle and a chirp.
Hubby was getting ready to send a search party by the time I got back. But I overcame the challenge; hard mode defeated. And I will never again forget to check the weight of the wet wipes pack before taking our son for a nappy change. 😂😂
https://redd.it/1nx572i
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU - Took NyQuil this morning and I have a very important meeting
This just happened 30 minutes ago. I have a big, potentially career changing meeting today and have not been able to get past a persistent cough. I decided to take some cold medicine after I got out of the shower to help get me through it. I accidentally took NyQuil instead of DayQuil. Normally these medicines are different colours, but we bought the large "Honey" flavoured set from Costco and both bottles have the same yellow liquid. I know it's my bad and I should have read the label, but we're past that. I need to be at my best today. How do I get it out of my system? I drank 2 bottles of water and am currently on my first large coffee.
TL;DR - I took NyQuil before a very important work day and am looking for tips on how to get it out of my system.
https://redd.it/1nww9q2
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by sending a screenshot complaining about my roommate to the roommate
Yesterday I was venting to a friend about her because she’s been driving me a little crazy lately. I took a screenshot of our chat and even added notes like ‘this is what I mean’ with arrows pointing at her messages. I meant to send it to my friend, but I sent it directly to her instead. The moment I realized, my stomach dropped. She opened it right away, saw everything, and now the apartment feels like a war zone. We haven’t really talked since, and it’s tense and awkward every time we pass in the kitchen. I feel bad, but I don’t know if apologizing would make it better or just highlight how bad it was. Now the silence between us feels so heavy, and it’s making the whole place uncomfortable to live in.
TL;DR: Tried to vent with screenshots, accidentally sent them to my roommate, now things are painfully awkward
https://redd.it/1nwqbay
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by calling a staff the wrong name
At work i like knowing people and using their names when greeting them. One of the Housekeeper i didnt know the name of until recently when i heard people talking about being busy with her other job. I walked up smiled and said “Good morning Sarah.” She goes ridged turns her head to me and calmly says “I’m (name), where did you hear Sarah from?” I ask if Sarah cleans with her, if she works with a sister named Sarah… well after what felt like an interrogation from her on “where i heard Sarah”she walks away and a minute later the another worker burst out laughing and tells me the truth. “Sarah” is her escort name and apparently it was a secret amongst housekeeping that everyone knew but wasnt telling her; now im the joke of the week and “Sarah” put in her notice.
Tl;dr i over heard housekeepers using a coworkers escort alias and thought that was her name, now she’s quitting.
https://redd.it/1nwhl2a
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by getting 4 vaccines right before my period started
Context, because I'm sure someone will look at my other posts and make a stink:
Yes, I'm a trans woman. Yes, hormone therapy causes some of us to experience period symptoms monthly. I get pretty much everything but bleeding, no uterus to shed lining from and all that.
Got the vaccines yesterday, but the repercussions have come today. I really should have realized I was PMSing but I'm new to this and I just thought my mood was swinging because I have bipolar disorder. Got a physical at the doctor, and while I was there they offered to get me caught up on my vaccines. I said "If you have vaccines for me I'll take em." When the nurse came back with 4 needles I was already committed. Two in each arm, and the sites started aching pretty much immediately. They also took a blood sample, so I wasn't feeling great after.
Today I woke up from stomach cramps, then almost immediately went and vomited. My arms hurt from shoulder to finger tips, and most recently my fucking toes ache which I don't understand. It's like I took off my arms and feet, put them in a paint mixer, and popped them back on my body. I feel like my own stomach muscles are trying to beat me up. I cried tears of joy when my partner brought me a chocolate cake. Bless them. All the afab people who deal with this shit PLUS BLEEDING are fucking heros.
Tldr: My suffering is immeasurable and my day is ruined.
https://redd.it/1nwfolg
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by mishearing someone and calling something cool
Today I fucked up because I went to get someone a file while they were trying to talk to me and I’m horrible at conversations while multitasking, so I just kept saying filler words like “yeah, definitely” and then he said his family is Japanese and has been in the insert racist and horrible camp grounds for a long time but I heard “our family has been on (insert city name) grounds for a long time”, so I said “wow that’s pretty cool.” I realized I misheard when he said it’s not really cool and apologized like ten billion times. He then said I shouldn’t judge by the color of his skin (which, was kind of interesting considering we are both Asian). Now I’m gonna think about this for the rest of the week.
TLDR: called something horrible “pretty cool” by accident and now I regret it
https://redd.it/1nwg81v
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by unintentionally blackmailing my manager.
I was having my one on one meeting with my manager and we were discussing upcoming schedule changes. I work in a call center and the past year has been a complete shitshow. They killed 4-10s at the beginning of the year and have been modifying SOPs every other month. I’ve expressed concerns but have taking everything in stride and have consistently hit my role’s metrics.
I’ve had a running gag where I’ve asked to be moved back to 4-10s at some point in the meeting. My manager shuts it down and says it can’t be done. I come back with the Matthew McConaughey meme of “It’d be a lot cooler if you did…” maybe a little annoying on my part, but, come on, I want 52 days of my year back!
In our last meeting, after being denied my 4-10s, I switched things up and asked if the manager’s survey was coming up. My manager said yes and I replied with “Welp, you’d certainly get a better score if I had 4-10s” My manager responded with, “You can’t just blackmail me to get 4-10s 😠” I doubled down and responded, “Idk, that response kind of sounds like someone who’s getting all 3s on their manager survey.”
I laughed and told them it’s not a big deal if it isn’t a possibility and then we continued on in our meeting.
I logged into work today with a meeting request including my site head and department manager. It turns out my manager filed an HR complaint that I was attempting to blackmail them for 4-10s.
I tried to plead my case that it was just a joke that fell flat that it was a baseless threat - a 3 isn’t even that bad of a score and a single poor survey would have a very negligible impact on my manager. They did not agree and advised me the HR case will be ongoing. So I’ll probably be put on a written warning and be ineligible for my annual raise. Gotta love call centers. 🤦♂️
TL;DR: I unintentionally dabbled in blackmail to get my preferred shift and it ended poorly with an HR case stacked against me.
https://redd.it/1nwa558
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by mishearing the doctor and fasting for 72 hours
I had a blood test scheduled for Monday morning. The nurse said, “Make sure to fast for 12 hours before.” Somehow, my brain decided she said 72 hours. I spent the entire weekend basically starving myself, sipping only water and black coffee.
By Sunday night, I was lightheaded, hallucinating about cheeseburgers, and convinced I was unlocking monk-level discipline. When I finally went in Monday, the nurse asked if I’d eaten dinner the night before. I proudly said, “Nope, haven’t eaten since Friday!” She looked horrified.
Turns out, I nearly passed out mid-draw because I had absolutely no fuel in my system. They gave me a granola bar like I was a fainting Victorian woman.
TL;DR: Misheard 12 hours as 72 hours, accidentally fasted all weekend, nearly passed out giving blood.
https://redd.it/1nwafuk
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by being self deprecating
Yesterday was my birthday and I went out to dinner with a few of my friends. We went to an all you can eat pasta night and got icecream afterwards. I made a comment that I need to run alot tomorrow because I am so fat after eating all that food. One of my friends said " wow, you are so self deprecating". Her saying that really stuck with me cause it felt like she was annoyed or maybe noticed it in a bad way. For context I do tend to be very self deprecating and make negative comments about myself. Is it wrong to make these comments about myself? I see so many people online complaining about people begging for attention and validation by making negative comments about themselves, but I genuinely believe that I am not good enough.
Tl;DR: I am too self deprecating and it might be annoying my friends.
https://redd.it/1nw6nvg
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by getting vaccinated right before a 4 hour lab.
For context, I’m disabled and use forearm crutches to get around (the doctor is still trying to figure out what’s going on, but that’s not relevant). The way my schedule works out this semester on Wednesdays my second class ends at 3:15pm and my third class is 6-10pm. I also don’t live on campus and the commute is 45 minutes one way. I usually opt to stay on/near campus during the couple hours of downtime to preserve gas. So I opted to make a 3:30 appointment to get three vaccines at the nearby pharmacy (flu, COVID, and pneumonia because yay for being high risk). I opted for two vaccines in one arm and the third in the other arm to avoid putting either out of commission. Then during the lab I started regretting my decision when I remembered that the lab classroom doesn’t have chairs. Thankfully the professor happened to be a chill dude and borrowed a chair from one of the other classrooms.
TL;DR: My disabled ass decided to get vaccinated right before a 4 hour lab even though I need my arms to help me walk.
https://redd.it/1nvw1fa
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU and got myself and my partner attacked by mites
This happened a few months ago, but the embarrassment has finally died down enough for me to just laugh about it.
My girlfriend and I are long distance, so we regularly fly out to see one another in person for a week or two at a time. Back in May, ey came down so we could spend our anniversary together, but ended up staying for almost two months since my dad passed away toward the original end of eir stay and ey wanted to support me during and after the funeral.
It was either very late June or very early July when this went down—I can’t quite remember. We were talking about our childhood homes and I realized that I could actually show em the neighborhood where I lived between the ages of 9 and 14. I was high at the time and we had a really nice vibe going on that night, so I drank an energy drink and then we packed a few things in my backpack since we were hoping to play some games on my laptop at the park I used to frequent as a kid.
When we arrived in front of my old house, it was somewhere between midnight and 1 AM. We walked the route I remember taking, but the park wasn’t there. Idk where it went, but it was just kinda gone. I got bummed, but we could still go chill in the greenbelt where I used to play. We vibed there for a bit, then agreed that the grass was too itchy and decided to migrate to the basketball court across the street.
By then, we’d been there for probably 1.5 hours and both had to piss, but obviously couldn’t reach a bathroom since the only place that had one was the neighborhood pool, which we obviously didn’t have a key for. It was late enough that we decided to say fuck it since it wouldn’t be worth it to get a ride anywhere, plus we didn’t want to leave yet.
There was a semi secluded spot in the grass that surrounds the court where anyone passing by would have their view of me obscured by either the placement of some palm trees or flower bushes. I stepped out of my shorts and panties and squatted. Partway through relieving myself though, my ankles started to itch a little. Then my shins and calves. Then it started burning. Just as I realized what was happening, my girlfriend called to me to move back to the pavement because there were bugs in the grass. Too late for me, obviously.
I’d just finished emptying the tank, so I snatched up my bottoms and booked it to the court while trying to brush dozens of tiny bugs from my legs. One hand flailed wildly to shake/beat them out of my shorts and underwear while the other struggled to yank my infested socks and shoes off as well. The sprinklers across the court from where I’d pissed had just come on, so we ran to them for salvation.
By the time we were both free of the bugs, my socks were unsalvageable, I was nude from the waist down with nothing but a hoodie up top (no shirt or bra under it), my girlfriend’s dress was soaking wet, and both of our legs were covered in tiny bites. Ey gave me eir sports bra to wear so I could tie my hoodie around my waist, then took my shorts and panties to the sprinklers to wash them out. We were both flushed, embarrassed, itchy, and even then extremely amused and laughing at ourselves. We stayed for a few more hours so my bottoms could partially dry, hanging out a safe distance from the grass and playing Slay the Princess on my laptop, then got a ride back to our airbnb around 4 AM. I decided it best to just abandon my socks since they were drenched and probably still had a lot of bugs in them. Earlier when we’d first gotten to the court, gf noticed a weirdly placed pile of clothes and we kinda laughed at it because it was so weird to see in the middle of this otherwise clean neighborhood. Yeah, we found out why that was there-
I like how my gf treated the situation though. While we were still dancing around to get the bugs off, ey told me, “This is gonna be a good story to tell in the future,” and ey were completely right—I love telling this story, embarrassing as it is.
TLDR: Went to childhood neighborhood with girlfriend, had to piss, accidentally picked
TIFU by knowing the name of an old shows theme song.
So this just happened yesterday and into today. It's a terrible fu and even posting this here may continue the problem, but its also funny, and you should read about it. Here goes.
Last night as I was brushing my teeth I just let a tiktok video about sounds of the '90s play. At the end of the video the creator said, 'The sound of bedtime." And played the M.A.S.H theme song. I started laughing and spit out my toothpaste because the name of that song is, 'Suicide is Painless.' I comment that on the video, "Bedtime = Suicide is Painless. Lol." Th I ought nothing of it. Wake up and I've got myself a community guidelines suspension against commenting from TikTok, harmful language and such. I laugh it off and go about my day. I get to my game night and I'm telling the story to my players and one of them doesn't know own the song, so I go and search for it on YouTube. 'Suicide is Painless.' And YouTube instead of giving me the search results gives me a page telling me about crises counseling and depression, it even has a button to connect and talk with somebody. But it sends my entire table into fits of laughter that im telling this story and then YouTube is telling me I need help. Im cracking jokes about someone is just going to be waiting for me when I get home to take my internet away to keep me safe from M.A.S.H.'s theme song. So now I'm posting the story here, and we shall see how Reddit reacts to the name of the opening songs to one of the most popular TV shows of all time.
TL:DR I used the name of the theme song to M.A.S.H. Suicide is Painless on TikTok and got a suspension, and trying to pull the song up on YouTube got me their crisis intervention automated service.
https://redd.it/1nxlu5v
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU GOT DENIED AT AIRPORT FOR A TRIP WE PLANNED FOR HOLIDAY
My wife has a long time wish to visit Jeju island in Korea. Told me several times but postponed always as i did not have off time from work.
Finally we have decided to plan a trip for 5 days starting today, saturday.
tickets have been bought, hotels has been booked, all good.
We do not live in Korea so it will be a trip abroad. And for the context, my wife and i holding different passports. Visiting Korea is visa free to me up to 90 days , at least on paper, while it requires load of document from her, But if you visit only jeju island, only island, is visa free to her too.
She told me she needs to fill an online arrival card, 3 days prior and all will be done. I checked for myself very throughly, as i knew i do not need visa, and after a google search and doing a skim reading our consulate paper there, ok still visa free and need to fill a online form 3 days prior.
So we arrived airport 3AM in the morning, 2.5 hour prior to flight, went straight up checking, wait about 20 minutes in the queue. When it is our turn, they quickly gave boarding card to my wife but mine stalled there. they called several people, and those people asked me K-ETA online application. I thought it is the e-arrival card that we have filled, but nooo. It is something you need to do if you are from a visa free country.
So they normally requires visa from her, difficult to get , but if only go that island, it is visa free. On the other hand they do not require visa from me to visit at all Korea, wherever i want to visit there, but even visit this island, i need to complete an entry application, like e-visa.
Shit, I thought if it is visa free, it should be free to enter with passport.
We left the counter, sit on the floor, i switch on my laptop, did this application in like 10 minutes, paid 10bucks, and what ..., result page says ''your application status is under assessment''
Airline officer told me, it is likely to be approved next day not now. So everything gone to garbage.
I suggested my wife to take the flight by herself and next day i will join if can get this paper. She said no. unbelievable that we had to return home. I felt so ashamed.
5AM we have arrived back home, just get back on my laptop to check this detailed, and see what.. , my application is approved already.
So it costs me 1k, and shit tension with my wife. I still can't understand how could i did not bother to go details about requirements when i got tickets.
"TL;DR:" I have not checked correctly visa requirements prior to flight therefore denied at airport, my wife had to cancel her travel plans.
https://redd.it/1nxjlzz
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU when i worked from home in my tighty whities
It wasn’t actually today, it was a couple of weeks ago and I was preparing for a sales meeting with a potential new customer.
It little background, I live alone in a small in a quiet neighborhood at the end of a cul de sac. I was working at
Patio table on my covered deck, in a pair of older worn tighty whities. I am in decent shape and that is generally what I were around my house. My neighbors are generally used to it and don’t care. After working for a couple of hours, I went to go back inside to get a drink when i realized that the back door to my house had locked when i came outside. No big deal, since my neighbors across the cul de sac have a spare key for my house. So I texted Tom to see if he was home and if I could get the key. He said he was about five minutes away, but his wife Nancy was home and i was welcome to go get the key from her. Tom and Nancy, who are in their 30’s and are about 10 years younger than me, have interacted with me/ been social while I was just in my underwear on numerous occasions so it didn’t phase me to go knock on their door dressed as I was.
Turns out, Nancy was potting some plants in her yard when I walked up. So we started chatting, and i explained what happened. We were still chatting when Tom pulled into the driveway. Tom got out of the car, along with a women, who seemed to be around my age and young man who appeared to be college age. Tom introduced me to his older cousin Sharon and her son Ryan (a college senior).
After a odd look, that pretty much read why are you standing in Tom and Nancy’s yard in the middle of a Sunday afternoon in your underwear. i explained that i accidentally locked myself out while working at my deck. I got the “ohh” from Sharon and a chuckle from Ryan. At that point Nancy suggested that we head inside so I could get my key and they could get settled.
Once inside Tom offered cold drinks to everyone, while Nancy retrieved my key. He ushered us into the living room with our iced teas and we ended up chatting more while we drank. I learned that Sharon was in town on a business trip and since she hadn’t seen Nancy and Tom in while, she brought Ryan and Tom offered to pick them up at the airport and bring them back for dinner. That is when I learned that my sales meeting for the next day was with Sharon.
After about 30 minutes of conversation, finishing my drink, I apologized for interrupting their visit and excused myself and went home.
Of course the next day, despite arriving at my meeting with Sharon and my manger, and being professionally dressed, Sharon, who quickly put 2 and 2 together, stated after hello, that “Jordan I almost didn’t recognize you with clothes on.”Leading to her recounting the prior day’s encounter. Sharon said that I was a good teaching tool for her son as to why she keeps telling him not to just hang around the house in his boxer briefs. Needless to say, I was bright shade of red by the end of the tale.
In the end, we made the sale, but Sharon’s closing remarks were that I should take my commission and buy better underwear since what was wearing yesterday was quite threadbare, loose and left nothing to the imagination, especially if I am going to prance around my neighborhood in them. To which I once
Again blushed profusely with embarrassment.
Tl/DR- got locked out my house in my tighty whities, and met a potential customer with whom I had a sales meeting the next day at my neighbors house while getting my spare key. And the potential customer embarrassed me in front of my manager.
https://redd.it/1nxcmy1
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by not knowing the importance of Deodorant until much later in life
This is technically 30 years worth of TIFU growing up. I came from a family who was very loving and nurturing. However when it came time to having the necessary talks like proper hygiene or the sex talk (anything that is deemed uncomfortable) my parents didn't touch those topics. It's either they didn't know they had to have the talk ,or just knew and didn't know how to approach it.
As I grew older I didn't fully understand the uses of Deodorant I thought it was something you applied when you start sweating. I had no idea it's something you apply before you go out anywhere doesn't matter if you just took a shower, that it's a must to combat body odor. I had no reason to research it's uses because I didn't know, nor did I have anyone come up to me to tell me I had body odor issues.
Fast forward to 2022 I can't remember how but that's when I learned the former that it has to be applied before you go anywhere. It's not for when you're sweating it for before you sweat, and before you go out. I was understandably ashamed and embarrassed that I did not know this. I went a good 30+ years of my life not using deodorant and stinking up a storm making it uncomfortable for friends and coworkers to be around me.
I was talking to my close friend for 20+ years and she told me when I worked with her years back, I had bad BO issues and I was the talk of the workplace. Which wasn't surprising since not using deodorant would cause that.
I wish people didn't get offended by others telling them little self improvement tips. Because had someone told me back in 2008 about my BO issues, and using deodorant I would've been able to fix it long before(14 years back(. I think the problem is that we assume that the person is actively choosing not to use it, when it could easily be like me and they simply didn't know that it's an important practice.
TLDR: by using Deodorant 30+ years late in life, and nearly killing friends and coworkers with my BO prior to this.
https://redd.it/1nx6o9v
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by telling my 4 year old the truth and traumatizing him.
This happened a while ago. Back story, there was a girl that passed away in an accident in the next town over. She was in middle school and her name was Amanda (fake name in case someone who knows her sees this because I don't want to upset anyone).
The day her photo was released in the news my son was watching over my shoulder as I was reading the news and he asked who she is. I always try to tell my kids the truth when they ask me questions but in an age appropriate way. I gently explained who she was and what happened to her and that she passed away. He asked several questions and I answered the best I could. Now here is where I messed up. He asked me what her name was and I told him it was Amanda. I told him not to talk to his friend at school about it because it could make then sad since some young children dont do well with those kinds of topics. He asked if his teachers knew about it and I said probably so.
The next day I warned his teacher that we had the conversation just in case it came up so she was prepared in the event that it did. He goes to a very small preschool and I have a good relationship with all his teachers. Later that day I got a message from his teacher. Here is where I realized my mistake. She sent me a photo of one of his classmates that I recognized but I didn't know her name. She has the same general color and style of hair as the girl that passed away. Teacher says, you do know that it wasn't our Amanda that passed away, right? My heart dropped. I didn't realize that my son had a classmate had the same name as the girl from the accident. So my son went to school and was devastated because he thought his friend passed away. Coincidentally she wasn't there that day. Teacher wasn't upset and was quickly able to rectify the situation and his understanding of it. When I picked him up that afternoon I explained again that his friend Amanda is fine and that there can be more than one person with the same name. It took him asking for a few times if she was really ok before everything went back to normal. But I felt awful for traumatizing my son thinking his friend was gone.
TL;DR: I told my son a child passed away and he believed it was his friend and he was traumatized.
https://redd.it/1nx0jhy
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU when I shut down my young coworker's advances
Alright, Reddit. This particular screw-up happened last night, and I’m currently at my desk feeling like I'm just waiting for a bomb to go off.
Look, I'm just a regular guy. 32 years old, married to a woman who's way out of my league, and our life is simple and good. I like it that way. I come to work, I do my job, I go home. The last thing I want or need is drama.
About a month ago, we hired a new girl, "K". She's 18, right out of school, and full of that bubbly energy I vaguely remember having. For some reason, she's decided I'm her target. At first I figured she was just friendly, but it's gotten to a point where I can't ignore it. It’s been things like:
Finding little hearts drawn on my notepads if I leave them in the kitchen.
The constant staring. I’ll be working and get that feeling someone's watching me, and sure enough, it's her. She just blushes when I look up.
Some loudmouth in sales jokingly called her my "work wife," and she just ran with it. Started signing notes to me with "ww". Just mortifying.
The real kicker was when I was talking with a buddy here about wanting kids with my wife, and K, who was pretending not to listen, chirps in with, "I've always thought I'd make a great step-mom." What do you even say to that?
My strategy, which in hindsight was pretty dumb, was to just be aggressively married. I'd bring my wife up constantly, hoping she’d get the message. "My wife and I saw that movie," "My wife packs my lunch," etc. I thought I was setting a clear boundary. I was not.
So, this brings us to the fuck-up last night.
It's late, and it's just the two of us left in the office finishing a project. The place is dead quiet. She brings me a coffee I didn't ask for and does that thing where her fingers linger on mine for way too long when she hands it to me. I pulled my hand away, and she gets this really serious look and asks, "Are you really happy?"
And that was it. My patience, which I usually have a lot of, just hit zero. All the weeks of awkwardness and cringing just boiled over. I dropped the polite "nice guy" act and I was just... blunt. I looked her right in the eye and said, "My wife is my world. That's not an appropriate question for work, and it's not up for discussion."
I expected her to get embarrassed, maybe stammer an apology. But that's not what happened.
It was like I flipped a switch. The smile, the bubbly personality, all of it just vanished. Her face went completely blank. She just stared at me for a second, then said "Okay" in this flat, dead voice. The rest of the night was dead silent. It was the most uncomfortable hour of my entire career.
Today, it's like I'm sitting next to a stranger. A really angry stranger. She won't look at me, but the vibe is so hostile it's making my skin crawl. I'm no longer dealing with a kid with a crush; I'm dealing with a pissed-off woman I have to work with every single day. My big fuck-up was thinking that being direct would solve the problem. But I think I just made it a thousand times worse. Now I'm just sitting here, replaying it in my head, convinced she's going to march down to HR and claim I was the one hitting on her.
TL;DR: A young coworker had a very obvious and inappropriate crush on me. I tried ignoring it and dropping hints, but last night I finally got blunt and shut her down. Now her personality has done a complete 180, she's giving me a hostile silent treatment, and I'm terrified I poked a bear and she's going to try and get me fired.
https://redd.it/1nwwlh8
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by calling my date by my ex’s name
A few days ago I went on a date with a guy I met in college. Things were going really well, the conversation was chill, he was funny and for once I was excited instead of planning my exit. Then my brain completely betrayed me. I slipped and called him by my ex’s name, loud and clear. The second it came out I wanted to disappear into the floor. He laughed awkwardly, but I could feel the mood instantly collapse. Dinner ended earlier than expected and since then I haven’t heard from him. Now I’m just stuck replaying it on loop in my head, cringing every single time. Part of me wants to text him and apologize, maybe explain I didn’t mean anything, but another part thinks it’ll only make me look desperate.
Should I risk it or just let this go?
TL;DR: Date was going great until I accidentally called him my ex’s name. Vibe died, haven’t heard from him since, now I don’t know if I should apologize or move on.
https://redd.it/1nwpogh
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by eating a very hot chili.
This evening, I was hanging out with 2 of my friends, and we were hungry. One of them recommended a Turkish restaurant that he's been to before, so we go there.
Anyways, we order our drinks and our food (a sharing platter) until it gets to the end and we're nearly finished.
I saw a green pepper on the plate, and assumed it was a roasted pepper. This was because in the other Turkish restaurants I've eaten at before, they've had a roasted pepper on the side.
I asked my friends if they wanted it, to which both said no as they don't like roasted peppers. So I take it, cut it up and take my first bite.
Big mistake.
I get this sudden wave of pure spice on my tongue. This wasn't a roasted pepper. This was a chilli. A chilli that did not show any mercy. A chilli that was the hottest thing I think I've ever eaten and hit me like a ton of bricks straight away.
In a panic, I swallow it and drink water.
That too was a big mistake.
About a minute later, the pain is still unbearable everywhere and I'm now starting to feel sick. So I go to the toilet, and everything comes out the way it entered.
After about 10 mins, I go back to the table and my eyes are still watering and red, and my friends absolutely stunned at what's happened.
They told me that they had no idea it was a chilli, and that if they knew, they'd have eaten it because they can handle spice a lot better than me.
Anyways, I end up ordering and sharing Baklawa with Ice Cream for desert. Not because I had a sweet tooth. But because my mouth was still on fire and that ice cream was gonna cool it down.
Never again will I trust peppers. :(
TL;DR: I mistook a chilli for a roasted pepper and ended up ill in a restaurant.
https://redd.it/1nwhnku
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU Diva cup horror
Last night I 28F bought a diva cup for the first time. I was trying to save money and resources by this purchase.
I put the diva cup in and went to bed.
I woke up and was getting ready, and went to the bathroom to take the cup out. I couldn’t get a good grip on it. I took a deep breath and tried again. No dice.
After another failed attempt I went to my boyfriend 25m asking him to pull it out. He tried several times and we realized we were going to have to use pliers.
I got the pliers, sanitized them, and laid down like I was at the OB.
I started shaking and the pliers felt so cold. He eventually got it out but I about passed out afterward.
Epic diva cup fail. I tried standing up but it took me a solid 10 minutes. Truly terrifying.
TLDR
My boyfriend had to pull my diva cup out with pliers this morning. Not a good time.
https://redd.it/1nwhr9q
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU Got my second strike at work...
About two months ago I started a really good job in tech, my boss is really cool and I really enjoy that im learning a field im interested in. The problem is, my entire life I've had sleep issues, I had many warnings at my previous jobs for showing up between five and 10 minutes late. I'm not lazy, im not out partying all night, I go to bed between 9 and 10. I don't want to sleep in so much and I go to bed on time. My father suffers the same issue, he's woken up late to work most of his life, and I see I've inherited his genetics. I bought a second alarm clock that doesn't do voice shut off and have changed my wake up time from 7am to 5am because I can't lose this job.
TL;DR Probably suffer from sleep apnea because I can't wake up in the morning and am afraid I'll get fired.
https://redd.it/1nwdxe4
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by using mouthwash as laundry detergent
So last week I ran out of laundry detergent but had already promised myself I was going to catch up on clothes that had been piling for weeks. I figured, “soap is soap,” right? The only vaguely soapy thing I had was a giant Costco bottle of mint mouthwash. I poured half a cup into the washer, tossed in my clothes, and let it rip.
At first, I was impressed. The whole laundry room smelled like a dentist’s office. But then I opened the washer and immediately realized I had made a huge mistake. My black jeans had neon blue streaks, my shirts were stiff like cardboard, and my socks smelled like they belonged to a hockey player who gargled Listerine. To make it worse, I didn’t rinse them properly, so the first time I put a shirt on, my skin felt like it was on fire.
My roommate hasn’t stopped roasting me. He calls me “Fresh Breath Fashion.” I might never live this down.
TL;DR: Ran out of detergent, used mouthwash instead, now my clothes look like a minty tie-dye disaster.
https://redd.it/1nwa9j1
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by joking about drugs with an old person
Technically happened last night. I (48m) went to Costco and in my haul was a pack of their generic equivalent of Dayquil & Nyquil. There were lines at the manned checkouts but not the self-scanners so I used one of those. I had a pleasant basic conversation with the older woman (65-70 F) working that area as who came over and scanned the large items in my cart.
I scanned all my items and hit the "finished" button when an error message popped up: One item required age verification. I was surprised because I didn't buy any alcohol. The old lady came over to approve it (didn't card me BTW) and when I asked, she picked up and showed me the Nyquil pack. Then this happened:
Me: "Ok thanks that makes sense"
Her: "It's because people figured out how to get high off of it."
Me: "Oh that sounds fun!"
I said it very cheerfully, in a way that was clearly joking. However she was having NONE of that, immediately went to my checkout screen to remove that item, and said "You can't buy this."
Me: "Why not? I was joking"
Her: (getting loud & very angrily) "That is not something you joke about!"
She walked off with my Nyquil, I took the dumb L, paid & got out of there.
TL;DR: Old boomer ladies at Costco do not like when you joke about drugs.
https://redd.it/1nw9g38
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by letting a friend live with me while she finds a place
I (21) have a friend (20) that i’ve hung out with a couple of times and have known of for a while. I’m not super close with her but she was having a hard time on her snapchat story so I decided to text her. She explained that her husband, she got married to like 4 months prior was physically and emotionally abusing her and she wants to move out. I told her I was here if her if she needed anything and if she needed a place to stay for a bit she could stay with me and my boyfriend at our apartment. Well, she ended up taking that offer and she moved in almost 2 weeks ago. She has a full time job as well as tattooing/nails on the side. I really didn’t think anything of this situation I just wanted to help a friend in need to get back on their feet. Throughout these past 2 weeks she has brought over at-least 5 different people. Some for tattooing and others for hanging out. Something important to note is she is an ‘active’ person and she likes to hook up with people. I’ve told her I don’t want her to do it in my apartment and go to their places for that. She has since went to her ex-husband’s place to be with him twice and has been with many other people. JUST in these two weeks. Look, i’m not judging, i’ve done the same, but i’m trying to help her and she’s keeps asking me to bring random people over. My boyfriend and I don’t live in the best neighbourhood in our town and i’ve had my car broken into a month ago. We don’t want strangers in our apartment incase they keep note of where we live and all of our stuff. This morning at 4am my alarm went off for me to wake up for work. My room door was open and when I opened my eyes I saw my friend’s door open, her and someone else walked out of it. I was not aware there was going to be another person in my apartment that night. I texted her immediately asking who that was. She immediately started apologizing for bringing someone over without asking and explained to me that it’s someone she’s fallen in love with. She told me they didn’t hook up but honestly I don’t believe her. I don’t even think she would have told me she had this guy over if I didn’t see it and ask her about it. She offered to pay me money for rent and find somewhere else and I agreed that she should look for somewhere else to stay. She still has a couple of weeks to leave but at this point i’m not okay with having her at my place anymore. My boyfriend and I just moved into this apartment in August, we still have stuff to unpack. This has hindered us and now we don’t trust her anymore. All I wanted to do was help her get out of an abusive situation and now I feel like she is using us for her advantage. I was expecting someone to try and get their shit together and work but instead she’s hooking up with people and calling into work. I really hope this ends up civilly and doesn’t end up in a huge blowout. The worst part is the reason I got my own place with my boyfriend is because we were in a bad roommate situation. Now we are in that yet again because of me. I learned my lesson and I won’t be doing this again.
TLDR: I let a friend stay at my apartment and she’s disrespecting my and my boyfriend’s requests.
https://redd.it/1nw0gqi
@r_channels_tifu
a spot where a community of very mean bugs lived, got the shit bitten out of my legs, needed to be pantsless for a while, lost a pair of socks to the bugs and sprinklers, was still slightly damp and only had gf’s sports bra on top when we left and probably ended up in a Lyft driver’s spank bank because of it
https://redd.it/1nvl276
@r_channels_tifu
"Thanks a lot, Mom, now the entire middle school knows it was *my mom* who caused the lock down." (Personally, I think the fact that the entire middle school knows was the fault of the mom who texted her kid my kid's name, but whatever.) Apparently, they moved all the kids away from the backside of the school, and had them sheltering three deep in the few rooms with no windows on the other side of the school, and that was All. My. Fault.
So, now I know: just find a friggin' café to work in over on that side of town, even if I prefer not to spend the money, and never, ever, ever lurk near a school. Ever.
TL;DR: I parked by my kids school to work from the car while waiting to pick up my kid for a doctor's appointment, the school thought I was a potential school shooter, and all the kids were forced to shelter in place while the police came to investigate.
https://redd.it/1nvhe46
@r_channels_tifu