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TIFU by going to Victoria's Secret with an upset stomach
Slightly disgusting story, this actually happened about a year and a half ago. My (now ex) boyfriend had come into town to visit me and wanted to take me to Victoria's Secret and I'm like hell yeah man lets go, so we hop in the truck and head out. I'm walking around looking at stuff but I'm just not feeling it, I'm letting out horrible gas every 10 minutes. There was an employee that kept following me around, twice she asked me if I needed help to which I declined. I was doing my best to keep my distance but the third time she bugs me right as I'm letting out the most noxious fart cloud, so I once again decline and quickly walk away.. and then SHE WALKS DIRECTLY INTO THE FART CLOUD. I think she got the picture, she did not come back to bother me a fourth time.
TL;DR let out a horrible fart, VS employee got caught in the crossfire
https://redd.it/kmqf78
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by recognizing a favourite childhood song
Obligatory this was around five years ago.
I was picking up my boyfriend at the time from his job as a line cook. We both had a drink when I got there so we needed to hang out for an hour before heading home in order to be legal. In order to pass the time, he pulled out an mp3 player and was showing me some songs from a bunch of his favourite online creators.
They were really varying in quality--some were really good and others were just ok--but there was one that bugged me. I didn't listen to the lyrics very well because I was trying to figure out why it sounded so familiar. I knew I had never heard any of these before, and yet I could almost have sung along.
All at once I recognized the baseline. The artist had replaced all the lyrics, and the instruments were different, but it was unmistakable. It was #1 Crush. A little startled by the realization, I pulled the headphones off and declared "This is Garbage!"
I have never seen such a wounded expression.
He's younger than me and did not know about the band. If we were not both still stuck there waiting to sober up that might have been our last date. As it was I did get a chance to explain myself. He must have forgiven me because now he doesn't even remember the story. And now we're married.
tl;dr I recognized a cover and upset my husband-to-be by declaring his new favourite song Garbage.
https://redd.it/kn1tn5
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by telling my parents I was rejected from my dream school
I’m a high school senior (I am 18 though so if you see my Secret Santa posts no I didn’t lie about my age ;)) My family has always been very poor and I am the youngest of three kids. When my sister went to college, she went to one of the top schools in the country on a huge scholarship but her degree still left my family struggling financially.
I didn’t want to be like my sister. I started working when I was 16 and balanced two jobs with lots of extracurriculars and school. I worked my ass off day and night to save as much money as possible so my parents didn’t have to worry about me.
Now, I applied to three colleges on a fee waiver my school gave me. Early decision has come out for them and... I got in to all three. One of these is my absolute dream school, the same top college my sister went to. The other two are less competitive schools that I mostly applied to as a safety net in case my dream didn’t work out. One of my safety schools gave me almost a full ride worth of scholarship money.
I sat and debated this for a couple weeks. Should I pursue my dream and pay thousands of dollars that I’ve spent years saving up? Or should I take the money they’ve offered me at the safety school and go somewhere I’m not passionate about? I was also worried about what my parents would think. If they knew I got accepted to that school, they would never let me make a sacrifice like that. I know they’d take on any financial burden to let me attend.
So... I kinda did a thing. I told them I was rejected from my absolute top college, let them cry to me about how sorry they were, and then told them I got a really good scholarship to the other school.
They’re really excited for me. They can’t stop bragging to their friends how smart I have to be to get a good amount of money, but I can’t shake this feeling of dread and “I fucked up”-ness. I haven’t made my decision yet to the actual colleges so I can still change my mind but... something in me knows I’ll stick with my original plan.
I guess I’m mostly posting this to get it off my chest somewhere. I hope anyone who reads this far is having a blessed holiday season and a happy new year! Thank you for listening.
TL;DR I told my parents I was rejected from my top choice school (when I was really accepted) so they wouldn’t worry about the financial burden of me attending.
https://redd.it/kn0gg1
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by Cleaning my Shower
So my shower drain has been kinda smelly so I decided baking soda and vinegar down the drain would do the trick. Immediately after finishing with that task I figured, might as well clean the shower walls with some Foaming Bathroom Bleach. So I’m scrubbing and the whole bathroom starts to smell funny, I try not to breathe while scrubbing but it gets stronger. I scrubbed for like 2 minutes or less then decided to look up if bleach + vinegar is toxic and it turns out that it creates chlorine gas just like Ammonia + Bleach. Feeling very stupid and cold because I’m sitting outside with all the windows open. Don’t think the ppm were too high because I am not suffering any lasting effects besides fresh air smelling weird.
TLDR; bleach + vinegar = not a good idea and I am stupid
https://redd.it/kmswul
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by asking my neighbor's son if he'd ever been in a Turkish prison
I was in my backyard chopping wood when the neighbours walked by with their dog. The boy is about 10 years old and I've always had a good relationship with him and them. I asked him if he had ever used an axe before, and then I messed up because I absentmindedly then said 'have you ever been in a Turkish prison', using the quote from the great movie Airplane. Apparently his parents had never seen the movie before because they kept walking towards their house silently. It all didn't really process to me and I followed up by asking him if he had ever seen a grown man naked. This all just happened a few minutes ago and I am still processing it. I'm slightly afraid that they are going to call the authorities on me. It's a very small town and at the very least this will probably lead to some bad gossip about me. The irony is that I have a son too and we have watched Airplane together and I truly meant no harm in my words…
TL;DR My neighbors have never seen the movie Airplane and I horribly misquoted it to their son.
https://redd.it/kmowam
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by closing my eyes while running on a treadmill.
This happened a while ago but thats besides the point
So when i was like 9 i decided to jog on my cousins treadmill while her and her uncle were in the living room taking pictures (we were getting ready to go to a party.) As i was running i got this really bright idea to close my eyes and still run on the treadmill. Now i didnt tell you guys this but, right behind the treadmill, there was a washing machine that wasnt used because it was old. It was just like sitting there.
So when i closed my eyes and was running i was proud of myself because i thought i was so close to the thing where you could hold on. Needless to say, i was so close to falling off and i figured that out when all the sudden i just felt like a car ran over me. "BOOM BOOM BAM IHRUWIHSFKW" Thats all i heard while being banged into this washing machine and the treadmill still going. My cousin and her uncle ran into the room and saw me on the treadmill ground. They turned it off and were so concered asking me what happened and was i okay.
I ran into the bathroom without answering any questions and my lip was busted and my arm had this nasty scar looking like i got road burn from trying to bomb a hill on a skateboard. They patched me up and i went up stairs to get my phone and call my mom. My mom didnt answer so i just BROKE DOWN.
We still went to that party but i was sitting in the corner with a mean looking face. I lied to everyone about how i fell for a while but i recently told my cousin the truth.
TL;DR: I closed my eyes while running on a treadmill and fucked myself up when i fell
https://redd.it/kmm0p7
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by losing a job over a reddit post
I got a call yesterday morning informing from the employer I signed a work contract with informing me that my reddit account had been linked with a post about falsifying information on my resume. I am not even sure how the employer I signed a work contract with even found my reddit as it isn't linked to any personal email, my name, or other social media usernames. But the post they linked me to was a COMMENT I made on a post in r/illegallifeprotips where a user suggested people lie and fake documents on their resume to get a job. My comment was essentially saying that was a terrible idea and I would just really sell myself on the duties I have done in the resume rather than lie and fake documents. I tried explaining how I did not make the post but rather a comment on the post basically telling people not to obey the post. This wasn't acceptable to them apparently, the recruiter and his manager I went through to get the job even went as far as to tell my "future employer" that the post was nothing to worry about. I guess they didn't accept that answer because I got a call later saying my offer of employment had been rescinded for "embellishments on my resume" but when asking for specific examples of embellishments I on what the embellishments were they wouldn't ever give me any and just said "I have embellishments on my resume". They had encouraged me to put in a 2 weeks notice so I could start with them early as well so now I have already quit my current job but lost the job I was going to over a reddit post that i didn't even make.. This position would have been a $20k a year pay raise from my current job and I lost it over some stupid confusion and my reddit account being linked to the title of a post I commented on basically. I had already signed all sorts of work agreements with them and had a start date...
TLDR: My future employer found my reddit account somehow, linked a comment I made to the title of the post, decided they didn't like the title of the post or the sub it was in, explained it my comment and not my post, rescinded my offer for "embellishments" and never told me what those embellishments were.
https://redd.it/kmjo0w
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by trying to calm my dogs down
This actually happened yesterday morning. I was cleaning my house, tidying up to get some work done when my two dogs decided to summon the hounds of hell. They've done this a few times, but always inside, usually when I'm leaving the house and they want to go with me. Well, not yesterday. Yesterday, they were in my fully fenced backyard and decided to start howling, barking, and generally just doing the dog equivalent of screaming at the top of their lungs. I was really embarrassed and worried someone would call the cops and think my dogs were being abused or something so I ran outside and started begging them to please stop, however, the situation got to me after a minute and I started giggling while hysterically saying "please stop" and "please don't do this". Apparently my near-hysterical voice sounds very much like I'm begging for my life because I managed to get the girls calmed down and in the house and about 30 seconds later my neighbor came charging into the house with a gun and 911 on speed-dial with the intent that he was going to save my life. He made it about 3 steps in the door and saw me alone, eating mints, and just stopped and started looking around. He then confesses to me that he and his wife thought I was being murdered or something because they heard me begging (for my life) while my dogs were making sounds they'd never heard before. I'm so embarrassed I'm afraid to go get my mail incase I bump into them. Thanks girls. Honestly though, it's good to know they have my back incase something ever did happen!
TL;DR my dogs sporadically enjoy "screaming" for no reason and while begging them to stop so my neighbors wouldn't think they were being abused, my neighbors instead thought I was being murdered
https://redd.it/kmi40m
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by answering Christmas carolers with my fly down
This was 5 days ago. I have a boss who has a family tradition of daytime Christmas caroling in the neighborhood on Christmas eve. I was home in pajamas when I heard them at my door so I rushed to look presentable and put on some proper shorts. I opened the door, stepped on the door mat and sang along for a couple of tunes. They are a pleasant bunch, the boss, spouse and several adolescent and teen kids. The sweetest--the type of people who do costumed door-to-door Christmas caroling.
Once they finished, I took a selfie with them then went back inside. In the bathroom mirror, to my horror, I saw that not only was my zipper down, it was puckered and pouty! It was basically doing duckface. I don't know their children are scarred, if they spent the rest of the day mocking me, or what? I'll never know. What I do know is that there is no chance that any of them missed my big open fly that looked like it was probably signing along.
TL;DR - Singers arrived at my door, my open zipper became the main attraction.
https://redd.it/kmekza
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by waxing my ear hair
So I bought a nose hair waxing kit a while back and have been amazed at how waxing my nose hair has improved my life to an utterly unexpected degree. No more stuffy or itchy noses. No more errant hairs or visible boogers. It doesn’t even hurt as long as you don’t hesitate during the pull.
Anyways, I was reveling in my nose-hairless experience when I got the brilliant idea to wax my ear hair. I didn’t even have much ear hair. I was just so drunk on hairlessness that I was willing to try anything.
I waxed up the pulling plugs which resemble chess pawns an inserted one into each ear. The wax hardens almost immediately creating an airtight super tacky seal in the ear canal. Hoping to avoid unnecessary pain I gave each of them a merciless tug simultaneously.
It was at that point that I noticed my wrists and shoulders were covered with spatters of blood. I had neglected to realize that unlike my nose, there was a thin yet important membrane inside my ear blocking the entire inside.
The pain was unbearable. Like nothing I had ever imagined before. I screamed and writhed on the cold bathroom floor before crawling, naked incidentally, outside and begging my sister to drive me to the hospital.
I can’t hear a single thing except for ringing at the moment and am typing this at the same time as having a panic attack in the waiting room of a hospital because I think I may have deafened myself for life.
Tl:dr I waxed my ear hair and completely obliterated both my eardrums simultaneously
https://redd.it/kmdjyb
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by smashing my glass dildo
I’m currently on holiday with the family, staying in swanky accommodation that my aunt, who is fairly well off, owns. Earlier today I went for a run and went to shower afterwards. I was kinda in the mood for a wank so I grabbed my fave dildo (she’s so beautiful) and satisfyer pro into the (ceramic tiled!!) bathroom. I stupidly put my pile of clothes, towel and sex toys beside the sink, and went to lock the door behind me. In that time, the glass dildo slipped and clattered (LOUDLY) to the floor, smashing cleanly into two pieces. I’m positive the whole house would have heard it, the noise was ridiculous and all the other rooms were open. As I went to open the bathroom door to inconspicuously stash the pieces in my room, I could hear my dad call “what was that!?” from the other side. I stuffed the pieces behind me in the waistband of my leggings, said “nothing, don’t worry!” and prayed he wouldn’t interrogate me more. I’m sure he thought I smashed something expensive of my aunt’s, but thankfully he didn’t pry any further.. narrowly avoided an extremely awkward encounter and still mourning the loss of my best dildo ever ❤️
TL;DR - felt horny on family holiday, smashed dildo on bathroom floor, dad heard noise and I almost died internally
https://redd.it/kmbzib
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by accidentally revealing someone’s affair
So this is a long one, but it’s fucking bad. It started with my friend Sara, and her fiancé Mike. They’ve been together for 4 years, good people (or so I thought), doing ok in life. They recently bought a house, both have decent jobs, happy little boring American family. Sara calls me out of the blue a month ago and tells me she’s left Mike, that she met a guy in another state while she was visiting family, and that things with Mike just weren’t working out. I thought it sucked, Mike is a good guy, but it’s none of my business.
I hadn’t talked to her much since the holidays are insane with work and family stuff, and I figured she was sorting out moving and such. So a few days ago I’m scrolling through Facebook and I see pictures of Sara with her new guy celebrating Christmas. I thought “cool, I think the situation was kind of reckless, but I’m glad things are going ok”. That’s as far as my thought process went, and I should’ve looked deeper, here’s where it gets bad.
I get a message from Mike wishing us a Merry Christmas, and saying we should all hang out soon. Awesome, Mike has also moved on and there’s no conflict, everyone is happy. I told him that sounded good, and to get with us next week so we could have dinner. Mikes mom who is also my friend messaged me to say Merry Christmas. We talked for a few about how crazy the holidays were and of course the subject of Mike came up. I said “I’m glad to see Mike has found someone, he’s a good dude and regardless of what happened with Sara, we still consider them both friends”. Here it goes, “what do you mean?” Says Mike’s mom, fuck.
I told her about Sara telling me she was leaving weeks ago, and that I saw her post a family photo with the new guy. I told her Mike asked us out to dinner so we could “all” hang out and I took that as he had also moved on. Apparently this was news to his mom, and Mike, because they had all celebrated Christmas with Sara, who is still living with Mike. I wasn’t going to lie to anyone so I told them both what I knew, and what I saw. Apparently Sara told Mike that she deactivated her Facebook, she told everyone who knew him he same thing. What she did though was just block everyone associated with Mike, so she could post pictures of the new guy so he wouldn’t be suspicious about her hiding from the camera and not wanting to be tagged. She forgot to block a few people, I guess I was one of them.
Cat’s out of the bag now, everyone knows, but Sara doesn’t know that we know. Mike is playing it cool and giving her a chance to come clean. I know I’m gonna get blamed for all of this shit, but I had no idea. What she told me versus what was actually happening are two very different things.
TLDR: My friend is a hoochie and I accidentally exposed her ratchetness.
https://redd.it/kma9wr
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by dropping my wedding ring in the Brisbane Rivee
I have been married all of 13 months. My wife likes fishing, I do not. We both like kayaking though and we'll often go for a paddle and my wife will fish and I'll just meander along or read a book if she is stopped somewhere. Paddling and fishing isn't very easy though so for Christmas I got her a pedal kayak she can fish off of. Kayaking in the Brisbane River today, trying out the new kayak and with my wife fishing and snagging her lure on a few branches, shallow enough to reach in and unhook it. The first time I noticed my wedding ring was a bit loose and in danger of slipping off so the next time I thought I'd do the responsible thing and take it off.... took it off alright, all the way down to the bottom of the Brisbane River :(
TL;DR rip me and my beautiful wedding ring that only lasted a year.
https://redd.it/km8o4t
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by dipping my hands too far into the dye bucket
This actually happened yesterday, but I didn't even think about posting it til now.
I was dying a new coat I got for Christmas. It was this nasty off white color that made it look like the coat started out as white, then was left in a smokers room, right next to where they smoke, for 3 years, then someone put it in a box and gave it to me. I wanted to dye it black and use it as a more dressy coat for special occasions.
I had to stir the coat around in the dye for 15 minutes straight, then every 5 minutes for 45 minutes. I was wearing gloves while doing this, but unknowingly pushed too hard/far into the dye, causing it to fill my gloves and splatter onto my arms.
The dye turned my arms a greenish-grey color, and now my hands look like the skin is rotting. As a fan of horror and gore, I think it looks kinda cool and zombie-esque, but its going to stain my hands for a while.
TLDR: While dying a new coat black, I accidentally dipped my hands too far into the bucket, causing it to fill my gloves and splatter on my arms. It turned my skin grey, making it look like rotting flesh, and it won't go away for a while.
https://redd.it/km6dfo
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by tossing a package
So this happened last week, you know in the midst of all the Christmas chaos. I work for one of those delivery companies that's rather well known world wide. I should also point out that It was my coworkers fault and not mine.
Anyway I had just finished unloading my truck and was depositing my "ground packages" into it's proper bin and taking care of my paper work when there's a commotion coming from the front of the station.
In comes marching the paramedics and fire department looking for an injured man with the name (for anonymity we will call him "Jon Snow." I know not very original or cool anymore, but with my newfound time I've invested in audiobooks. I'm already on book 4. )
Anyway I tell them "oh hang on, there's no injury I know of. Let me go ask my station supervisor." (I know good lil worker bee me. But seeing as I've been back at the station for a total of 5 minutes, I don't know wtf is going on)
So I go back out to the loading dock shouting for my boss
"JIM! HEY JIM, THE PARAMEDICS ARE HERE LOOKING FOR AN INJURED JON SNOW. DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT?"
Jim " What? No, there's been no accident here. Well the shop just closed up, let's make sure there's no one in the customer area." So he leads the paramedics around the station looking for Mr. Snow.
Jim proceeds to come back into the loading dock as we are in the middle of our evening sort and have 10 or so minutes to get the truck out to the ramp.
"Well there's no Mr. Snow here."
That's when another coworker chimes in and says
"Oh you're looking for Mr. Jon Snow? I had a package for him I put over here."
Leads the paramedics to the ground bin
"See right here, here's a package for Mr. Jon Snow."
Paramedics open the package
It's a fricken life alert that was pressed, triggered or sounded when it was tossed into the bin.
Paramedics "huh well, first time for everything I suppose. Glad no one's hurt and my supervisor is not going to believe this story.
And that my friends is why you shouldn't throw packages .
Tldr: my coworker threw a package in a bin in the midst of the Christmas chaos, unknowingly triggered a life alert summoning the paramedics and fire department.
https://redd.it/km4yuu
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU By referencing the Office, and it getting mistaken for racism
This happened last year, but I'm finally ready to write this.
So, first I want to say, I am a huge Office fan. I adore the show, and know all the important quotes by memory. My close friendship are also huge fans, and we basically make Office references all the time. Even in my workplace, one other woman is a HUGE Office fan, and we reference it all the time.
So, about a year ago, my boss's friend's son (we'll call him X) joined the workplace (it's a telecommunications place, we sell office communication bundles). My boss is black, and so was his friend's son. I'm a middle-aged white man, and I promise, 100% not racist. So, we're all pretty close, and we regularly eat in, typically pizza.
So, one day, it's on me to order the food, and it's pizza day. So, I'm going round, asking people whether they are fine with it, and I go to ask X. I ask him, then make a reference to Michael Scott's famous quote "Do Black people like pizza?". Me, obviously not thinking, says this to X, someone who I rarely interact with as much, and don't even know anything about him, including whether he is an Office fan. As soon as I said it, I regretted it, but he seemed cool. I felt so ashamed and apologised so much.
When I came into work the next day. the boss called me in. X's dad is a very influential person on my Boss, and X complained to him. My boss said, regretfully, he was going to fire me. I had to hastily pack up and leave soon. I tried to get my friends to back me, but the boss didn't want to hear it. So, there I was, a jobless idiot, whose constant references to The Office got him fired.
tl;dr Made an Office reference that was mistaken as racism, got fired
https://redd.it/kn26wl
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by attending my French class
I've been skipping French this entire semester because I find languages really boring, but today I decided to join for shits and giggles. The teacher realized that i was new so she called out my name to read the dialogue, so i put on a thick french accent and just floppily read through it.
I thought it was awful but the teacher took a liking of me for some reason and told me it was wonderful how i had perfect pronunciation and accent. From that point on, 1 out of every 2 people she asked to answer the question, I was the one being called out.
Here's the problem
##I DON'T KNOW FRENCH FOR SHIT
Literally I can't even fucking count to 10
I just pulled up a translator and struggled through it for the remaining 40 minutes of class, and at the end of the class she asked me to join again next time, that she liked me. How am I gonna keep this up? How long will it take till she realizes Im an idiot?
TL;DR: attended French for the first time, accidentally made the teacher take a liking for me, and now I'm stuck in a class I know nothing about.
https://redd.it/kmygy8
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by attempting to trigger a twitch stream
To be clear this happened on Christmas, just got around to writing this today.
I was chilling on a minecrafter's stream, the chat was the same as any day by chanting "arson pog" and "be gay do crime", y'know the usual.
I was getting bored with it and had extra money to spare, so I donated some bits to say something along the lines of "I'm going to say it chat, I brush my teeth before drinking oj on purpose."
It gained the traction I wanted with the chat being appropriately disgusted. I do like the taste of orange juice after something minty, mainly because the reaction tends to be like this.
Anyway, the disgust begins to die down but I can't have that. I message again "if you brush your teeth before drinking oj it gives the next sour texture I need. Kind of like the tingling feeling garlic bread has." Completely normal right?
Wrong!
People start telling me garlic bread doesn't tingle and I look it up on google and shows garlic allergy. This must be a lie, this can't be true. Garlic bread numbed and itched everyone's mouth, that's what it did.
This had to be an elaborate prank so I ask the stream: "serious question, garlic bread is supposed to tingle right? It's supposed to feel like eating a pineapple right?" I had always stuck those two foods together in a group as "food that fights back"
But then it turns out, I'm just fucking allergic or I'm intolerant to it.
Bad day overall.
TL;DR attempted to trigger a twitch chat by talking about brushing teeth before drinking oj, find out garlic bread isn't supposed to make your mouth go numb and itch.
https://redd.it/kmun07
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU By I using cucumber as a dildo
Ok to this this happened and can’t believe it.
Anyways I (26M) was feeling horny, decided to use a cucumber with a condom on as a dildo as I have been staying at my parents house for a while now and did not bring any of my adult toys. I grabbed a cucumber from the fridge, grab my poppers and went to town on my butthole.
After I finished playing with myself, I take off the condom for easy clean up, go discreetly dispose of the evidence and shower to clean myself off. This is where the fuck up begins. I know it’s wasteful but I was going to throw away the cucumber, as it has been shoved up my ass for at least 25 minutes. As I was throwing it away my mom comes in the kitchen to start dinner. First thing she ask me is to hand her the cucumber for her to start cutting for the salad. I pretend to drop it, so I can wash it for use but still. I won’t get the thought I ate my cucumber dildo with my family.
TLDR: my family and I ate my cucumber dildo
https://redd.it/kmwx5b
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by watching Game Of Thrones on pornhub with my friend
This didnt happen today but 2 years ago but I was reminded of it today.
Spoilers for GOT ahead
During the last season of GOT me and my friends had a deal where if one of us hadn't watched the newest episode yet it was fair game to spoil.
I missed S8 E2 where Arya fucks Gendry. I was vibing at my friends house and she brought it up. In my head Arya was still like 12 years old so I went "No fucking way". To prove me wrong she had to find the scene to show me and since it wasn't a major spoiler I didn't mind.
This was the day after the release so it wasn't on any mainstream video services so obviously we tried pornhub because it was of that nature. We found it and started watching. About 30 seconds in her mam walks into the sitting room and since the sofa was angled in such a way she had full view of what we were watching and the pornhub logo above the video. Two 16 yo, one boy, one girl casualy watching porn in the sitting room.
Needless to say I was asked quite politely to leave and so I left my friend to explain what happened. I've known them my whole life so it was easy to clear up. On a video call to my friend today she brought it up because she's rewatching the series over the Christmas break.
TL;DR- Friend wanted to prove me wrong and we got caught watching porn by her mam
https://redd.it/kmo0uv
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by giving road head in a brand new car
My friend just bought a brand new BMW M5. He wanted to take it for a spin and show it off to me, so he invited me for a ride last week when he got bored working from home.
It was just before the holidays and there weren’t too many cars on the highway, so I gave him road head while he tested out his car. Initially everything was fine when he was driving on the freeway. But he took an exit and started driving around a fairly abandoned business park (because it was near the holidays and most were working from home). Big mistake.
He was making sharp turns that made me really car sick while I was giving him road head. After about half an hour I had to ask him to stop the car somewhere discreet if he wanted me to continue. And he did and I finished him off. But things got a little rough and aggressive towards the end and he actually banged the back of my head against his steering wheel a couple times. The combo of head bumps, the motion sickness, the slight bruised feeling in the back of my mouth, and the fact that his cum was unexpectedly more bitter and sour than usual caused a delayed dry heave when I sat up.
Well, it was more than a dry heave. I regurgitated a very small volume of bile, saliva, and his cum. (I always make sure my stomach is empty before a bj session because I know some guys like him can get a little aggressive towards the end and I keep my stomach empty in case the gag reflex got too strong, but I didn’t expect the car sickness and the lingering taste after I swallowed.)
Short story: I got some vomit on his equipment cluster, the gear shift, and that circle knob thing next to it. I apologized and he seemed kinda annoyed (but not angry) at the time. But then this morning I got a text from him that he wanted me to pay for an interior detailing through his BMW dealership because I threw up in his new car. I learned my lesson and I am not going to give road head in a brand new or moving vehicle again.
TL;DR: I vomited a little bit in a brand new car and now I’m asked to pay for interior detailing. :(
https://redd.it/kmi8a9
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by ordering a judgmental cooking appliance.
So the stove in our apartment exploded. Nobody got hurt, but now we have nothing to cook real meals with. My insufferable housemates are the sort of people who tend to complain about a problem rather than trying to solve it, so oftentimes it is up to me to fix these things because nobody else will.
Of course, I don't have the knowledge necessary to fix this thing. And calling in somebody else to take care of it would be prohibitively expensive. Technically it's the landlord's job to come in and fix shit when it explodes, but that's not gonna happen no matter how much my compatriots beg for it.
I hopped on amazon and looked for an affordable solution. Found some countertop stove burners and figured that would be a good start - we wouldn't be baking any turkeys, but at least we could boil pasta and fry up burgers.
Now, I had an important decision to make. I quickly narrowed it down to two options that seemed like clear winners - one, a butane burner as seen in places like Jun's Kitchen, and two, an electric burner as seen on every tacky youtube cooking channel with a white background.
I liked the idea of the butane burner in concept, but in practice, I didn't want the monkeys I live with being anywhere near something that operated on gas or produced an open flame. Plus, back before my life was in shambles I used to have a nice flat glass electric stovetop in my old place. I figured it would be nice to have something so simple and reliable again.
Now, this part was the fuckup. In disqualifying one option based on the intelligence of my compatriots, I didn't consider the possibility that the other option might be non-viable for other reasons.
Fast forward to this morning, when I finally got my hands on the thing. I opened it up and read the instructions, wanting to be sure there wasn't anything important that could be easily overlooked by the others when trying to use it. It was at this point when I learned what the phrase "induction cooktop" meant.
See, what I thought I was seeing was a miniaturized version of a glass stovetop with a heating element underneath that gets hot when you turn it on. What could be simpler? How could you possibly screw that up?
Well, it was not that.
An induction cooktop is like that, except self-aware and judgmental. Perhaps that's not objectively true, but it is close enough to the truth to be a problem. What it actually does is that, supposedly, it uses an "electromagnetic field" to heat "only the pan". What the purpose of this is I cannot possibly fathom, given that it still produces hot surfaces that are unsafe to touch for a while after use. At least the instructions say as much, I didn't get to see it for myself.
Turns out, the "magnetic" part of "electromagnetic" is a problem. Why? Because it only works with magnetic cookware. By which I mean that when you turn the thing on, it senses whether your pan is sufficiently magnetic for its purposes and, if not, refuses to heat up at all.
I tried every piece of cookware in the house, most of which had some amount of metal content, and the burner refused them all. Fuck me for failing to do my due research, I guess? In my defense, I had never before heard of the idea of taking something that works fine and making it inconceivably worse by adding extra conditions to it being able to perform its most basic function.
TL;DR: Bought an induction cooktop to replace an exploded stove and didn't do my research so I didn't know that none of the pots and pans in the house would work with it.
https://redd.it/kmi8hg
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU making coffee
On mobile so formatting may be off. This won’t be as juicy as some of the things posted on here.
This literally just happened! I was making the morning coffee, added water, took out the old filter and grounds and threw them in the compost, put in new filter and coffee and hit the ON button. Then took out the garbage, let the doggo out for a pee and had a quick smoke while waiting for that warm delicious brew to be done... standing at the maker waiting the last few seconds for it to be finished I notice it’s leaking out of the pot 😱. I ofc pull the pot to the sink to pour off the extra and think WTF?! This is a new maker why is it leaking?! (And burnt my hand with hot coffee!)
Here’s my TIFU. We have a thermal coffee maker, not the traditional glass carafe that you can see into... while prepping the coffee I forgot to empty the carafe from yesterday 🤦🏼♀️ which caused it to overflow and burn my hand.
TL:DR Forgot to empty thermal coffee pot whilst making morning coffee; it overflows and burns my hand.
https://redd.it/kmg503
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by reading my niece a bedtime story
This happened a few days ago on Xmas Eve.
For Christmas this year we went away with all my in-laws (allowed where I live). We all arrived Christmas Eve, and as we were unpacking there was a a big ker-fuffle amongst the other adults as Santa's presents got misplaced and were eventually found after some people had already begun the 5hour return trip home to look for them there.
So as all the adults were already tense and stressed I figured as the only one without kids I will help out with bedtime and offered to read the oldest (4) a bedtime story.
This is the first year that 4 has really been into Christmas and Santa and was really excited. As mentioned, I don't have any kids so therefore I am not accustomed to all the questions they ask.
After the bedtime story (which was a Christmas story) I was asked so many Santa questions like, is he coming tonight? Does Santa know we are in this house and not my normal house? What presents does he give people? Etc. Now, while answering that last question I mentioned that good children get presents but if they have been naughty they get coal. This was something I thought she already knew, but it appears she didn't.
This was followed up by questions of what is coal and where does Santa get it from. As this is not a Santa question I was prepared for, I panicked and said the first thing that came to mind, which was "coal is what remains of something after a fire, so if you have been naughty Santa burns your presents and gives you the coal instead".
As soon as I said this I could see the panic in her eyes as she processed this new info and started to panic about if she has been good enough this year, just what you want before bedtime on Xmas Eve.
TL;DR: told my 4 year old niece on Christmas Eve that Santa sets fire to your presents if you are naughty, and may now have to pay for therapy for the child
https://redd.it/km7i8b
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by calling Nintendo for a refund.
Today I fucked up by calling Nintendo for a refund. My little brother (5) had been telling me he got this game and that game on the switch for free and I was asking him now, skeptical of course. I went to go check out his account and my debit card was linked to it. I talk to him about it and told him not to do that again, de linked my card, and then proceeded to get in contact with Nintendo support via text. Over our text conversation, they told me they couldn’t refund me as I had used a refund before, my one allotted refund. My stubborn self was determined to receive my $50 back, so I called the support line with my 12 digit number for my case. I got in contact with a representative and told him the situation and he said he would look into it. After a couple of minutes he informed me he had to delete my brothers account because it was in violation of COPA laws because he was five and had my credit card on it and was making purchases. In a panic I told him he didn’t and he told me that it had to be done and that all the saved data will be deleted from his 20~ games. I was heartbroken. Me and my brother spent day in and day out playing the switch for the past year. I spent numerous hours every day playing with them whether it be outside, with his toys, Roblox, phone apps, the Nintendo switch, etc. I tried calling back to fix it and got in touch with you more representatives and they both told me that the account had to be deleted. I was in tears. I knew my little brother is going to be devastated in the next couple days as they said that they will do the deleting in 48 hours. There is no way to transfer save data from profile to profile. It’s going to be so hard to tell him that all he has worked for and all that we did together is now gone permanently. I fucked up. I feel so bad.
I’m crying typing this. That kid has so much of my heart and I never ever wanna heart him. I feel so so bad. So so so so so so bad. I hope everything will be alright. Everything happens for a reason but this hurts me and I can only imagine how much he’s gonna be hurt. Why would they let us set up the account saying he’s 5 (4 at the time) and let us put a credit card on it? If theyre saying that’s illegal why don’t they just prevent it from the start so this doesn’t happen to anyone’s kids/siblings again? Ugh. Thank you all for listening. Please have a good day and God bless.
TLDR: my little brother(5) bought games on his switch with my credit card that was linked unknowingly. I called Nintendo to get a refund and they are now deleting his account with all 20~ games worth of saved data, including 100s of hours of progess. I feel like shit.
https://redd.it/km91u7
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by procrastinating on cleaning my room
I (F18) am a borderline hoarder. I don’t have the issue of getting rid of stuff because I think I need it, I’m just a lazy person. So naturally that starts to build up over time. Now add to the fact that I have let clutter build up over the span of at least three to six years, which I’m fully aware is disgusting. I’m not proud of it.
Around two days ago I was tasked with getting my bedroom cleaned before New Years. Now to paint you a little picture, there was boxes of junk, dirty clothes all over, clothes spilling out of drawers, and you couldn’t really see the carpet. So needless to say this wasn’t going to be an easy job.
As I’m cleaning (under my bed to be more specific), throwing out stuff and donating what is able to be donated, I noticed a little beetle like bug. Now I hadn’t noticed any while under the bed, it wasn’t until I got out from under the bed did I notice it on my pants. Upon closer inspection it was just the shell of a big, like a cicada shell but way smaller.
At first I didn’t get too concerned, until I noticed a second shell stuck on my sock. Then I pull out a pink duffel type bag from beneath my bed, a completely empty bag, and notice what I had begun to fear. A fair amount of the tiny beetle bugs were within the bag, some alive. I immediately throw out the bag and call for my mom to see if she can’t identify what type of bug it was. It was thankfully not a bed bug.
Eventually we came to the conclusion it must be book lice. That meant I would have to go around vacuuming everything in my room, every stuffed animal, every cloth surface, every inch of carpet, etc. It was already around six pm when this discovery was made. Around this time an online friend also informed me that it was carpet beetles.
From six pm to two am I was vacuuming, changing sheets, vacuuming again, all while being exhausted and stressed at the added mess in my room. Later today, after getting sleep, I will have to finish decluttering and vacuum everything once again to make sure all the bugs are gone.
TL;DR: I let clutter build up in my room for six years before finally cleaning it. In the process of cleaning it I learned I have got carpet beetles as a result of my clutter and now have to try and get rid of all the bugs while still decluttering my room.
https://redd.it/km9ok1
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU trying to send money to my son
My son is homeless at the moment two states away from me. He just needs money for a motel room for a couple of nights. We talk to the motel but they needed the actual card to run for the room. Ok, I send him to an ATM where I can generate a code to give him access. The transaction was declined. We try again, declined. I send him to Western Union. On his bike, because he doesn’t own a car. I try to send the cash but my transactions are all declined. Mind you I have plenty of $ in the bank, so that’s not the issue. I send him back to the ATM, and now my account is blocked. I finally had to Paypal some cash to a friend of his. From what I can tell, that went through.
Then I noticed a text from my bank. All I had to do was type Y to allow the first transaction at the first ATM to go through. I feel like a moron, and sent my son everywhere on his bike in the freezing cold.
tl;dr: Tried to send cash to my kid to help him out and became technologically challenged at the worst possible moment.
https://redd.it/km5zap
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU By watching a guy on Reddit stack Jenga blocks.
So this actually happened yesterday. I’m a mom and I usually end up hanging out on Reddit for an hour or so while I wait for my kids to go to sleep. I usually browse Reddit on my phone but I got a new 2020 iPad (and a 2nd generation Apple Pencil!) for Christmas, from my husband, woooOOO yeah so I was checkin’ out Reddit on the iPad’s big screen, and sipping a beer, when the aforementioned FU occurred.
I don’t usually watch the Reddit TV thing with the livestreams (and I swear this is not some kind of ad for it or anything), but last night as I was scrolling the popular posts, this live feed appeared of some guy stacking up Jenga pieces. Like an INSANE amount of Jenga pieces- all balancing on a single, vertical Jenga block. Maybe you saw it too, there were like 10,000 others watching. Anyway...
Having recently purchased a Jenga game for the kids for Christmas, and having since played a few high-stakes Jenga games with the kids, Jenga was hot on my mind so when I suddenly see this insane Jenga stack I’m IN. At about two feet tall and one feet wide already, the Jenga tower was looking like it was about to tip over any moment. I was instantly lured in.
I also felt that this lil’ video feed was so interesting that I wanted to show it to my husband, right away so that he’d get to witness the great fall of the Jenga with me. At that moment, he was over in the kitchen helping himself to a second helping of that night’s dinner. I got up and brought my iPad over to show him.
Now this is where the FU happens.
As I got up, I distinctly heard a tinny “DIN!” type of sound. I thought maybe I had caused my Apple Pencil, which had been beside me on the sofa, to fall to the floor and on to the rug, no biggie.
Hubs and I sat at the kitchen table, silent and eager to watch the tower of Jenga blocks fall, for 10 minutes. I know it was 10 minutes because I thought the tower was gonna fall at 9:20pm when we started watching and by 9:30pm, hubs said, “if he keeps catching when it wobbles then we’re just watching a guy hold Jenga pieces all night” and we gave up. I turned off the iPad and went back on my comfy spot on the couch to continue watching the Jenga stream.
Sitting back on the couch, I looked over to my side where I had placed my beer can, on the floor.
What’s that white straw thing in it. OH FUhhh nooooo it was my ONE WEEK OLD Apple pencil. It had fallen exactly from the sofa, right through the little hole in the beer can, and into the half-full can of beer.
I quickly removed it from the beer can and thought “it looks okay...” then I unscrewed the nib and realized it did have a little beer in there. I tapped the pen and more beer came out. Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck me and my fuckin’ beer and my shitty little fucking Apple Pencil, for FUCKSake.
I let the pen sit upright, nib side down for a bit and observed that quite a lot of beer slowly seeped out. I swung the pen madly in great arm circles around my body to get all the liquid out of the fuckin’ pen, thinking maybe against all odds, I’ll be able to save it. Nope, it’s dead. I let it rest in rice overnight, still dead. Completely, legally, dead.
TLDR, I was so entrenched in watching a guy stack Jenga pieces that I didn’t noticed I had knocked my brand new Apple Pencil off the sofa and exactly straight into the hole of my beer can. The pen is ruined.
https://redd.it/km6tvg
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by playing Stardew Valley on my lunch break
I got my wife Stardew Valley on Switch for Christmas this year because she has been going balls deep on Animal Crossing this year but has been running out of stuff to do. Well, except for making Snow Boys right now, which really seems more like a exercise in frustration than anything. So I thought Stardew Valley would give her a nice change. I also got Lets Go! Evee from my parents.
Now I tried out Stardew Valley on Christmas Day after a few too many Irish Coffees had been drank, and my wife had fallen asleep...and I realllly like it. I played all day Saturday while we recovered from our caffeinated Jameson binge while she watched The Office because there are only a few days left for that. She tried out Stardew too, but just couldn’t into it. So I kinda hogged the Switch all Saturday.
On Sunday she decided to try out Lets Go! Evee while I watched The Mandalorian, and she got reallly into it. Powering through, really Catching. Them. All.
I even watched her beat Misty last night, exclaiming that even today that Starmi would kick my ass like it did when I was 8.
Now for the fuck up. On my lunch break today I thought, hey I will go play some Stardew. Wife is working so I decide I won’t bug her and just play a couple quick days and get some copper ore. Do my thing, forge some bars. Put the Switch back. Go back to work. An hour or so later my wife is done for the day and goes to boot up Lets Go...
She comes into my office with the saddest look, her game was gone. Apparently there is no autosave on Pokemon games (which makes sense in a way) but I had just assumed it would have autosave. Every game autosaves these days! She wasn’t mad, but ever so sad. I got her a pack of berry flavored gummies to try to make up for it but I know from experience a razz berry will only go so far to ease the pain. But she is back to it, this time grinding even harder. Sitting next to me while Andy and Dwight are serenading Erin with John Denver tunes in the background.
tldr: Played Stardew Valley for 15 minutes and erased a days worth of my wife’s progress on Lets Go! Evee because apparently Pokemon games don’t have autosave.
https://redd.it/km360y
@r_channels_tifu
TIFU by emptying my sons potty.
My 3 year old son is at the tail end of potty training. Our only bathroom is on the second floor of our home, and the stairs are blocked by a baby gate (we have another 1 year old son who thinks injuring himself is hilarious, or something), so he put a small training potty on the linoleum at the bottom of the stairs. He has gotten really good at handling his business on his own and only calling for help if he really needs it, or a wipe. As such, sometimes my wife and I are unaware that he has gone #1 in his training potty.
Such was the scenario that occurred not 10 minutes ago. I was going upstairs, noticed his potty had some pee in it, so I took the bowl upstairs to empty, leaving the seat downstairs. When I go to the bathroom, I noticed a light in the vanity had burned out, so I went to the basement to get a replacement. I replaced the bulb, and took the burned out one to the trash. Satisfied with my bit of handyman-ing, I sat down in my office to check my last few emails and log off for the evening.
That’s when I heard it.
My loving son cried out in confusion and fear.
My wife screams in disbelief.
I looked over at the potty bowl, still on the edge of the bathtub where I left it to dry after I washed it out.
I knew what had happened, but I didn’t want to accept it.
I went down the steps, and before me was an abomination that, if an image of it existed, would be used as evidence of a violation of the Geneva convention.
Somehow, my three year old had manifested a poo that rivaled even the most foul I had ever produced. Think of the first poo of the day after a long night of drinking, followed up by reheated Taco Bell at 4am, and topped off with beef jerky.
I was paralyzed in disbelief and shame. In any other circumstance, I would have been impressed. But now, staring at this massive dump on my living room floor, I began to question humanity itself.
I scrubbed like have never scrubbed before, hoping to erase this shame, while my son berated me for my negligence. Truth be told, I deserved it.
My house is going to smell like Clorox for a month, a constant reminder of how your life can change in a matter of seconds. Let this be a warning to you all.
TL;DR - I took to long to change my sons training potty, and he refinished the floor in my living room as a result.
https://redd.it/km1qix
@r_channels_tifu