11
Part of @reddit2telegram and @r_channels Source: reddit.com/r/copypasta
THE 9 TO 5 PIPELINE TO SPIRITUAL COLLAPSE
bro… the concept of a “job” is actually INSANE if you think about it. like oh hey here’s the deal: you give me 5 outta 7 of your precious life days, wake up at a time your ancestors would’ve called torture, pretend to care about karen’s gluten free cat, sit under flickering fluorescent lights until your soul crumbles into dust AND IN RETURN… i give you ✨money✨ so you can barely afford eggs and cry into a 3 day old taco bell burrito while doomscrolling at 2am. DEAL? like WHO came up with this??? imagine being born just to clock in and out like some corporate wind up toy. beep boop yes sir i’ll send that email 😐. and if you’re LUCKY you get a “lunch break” which is just 17 minutes of staring into the void while eating something sad in a tupperware that smells like despair and microwaved regret. and don’t even get me STARTED on job interviews. like yeah let me dress up like a lawyer to beg another human being for the right to survive. “what’s your biggest weakness?” uh. the crippling weight of existence and the unrelenting march of time? but sure let’s go with “i care too much 🥺” anyway. shoutout to everyone working a job and still finding the strength to not throw themselves into a volcano.
https://redd.it/1la3850
@r_copypasta
Turkish nationalism
It's hard being a Turkish Nationalist in kindergarten. You are still learning your ABCS, but you know that the Treaty of Lausanne was a mistake. While other kids are fingerpainting, you are painting accurate historical borders of the glorious Ottoman Empire. You also argue with the teacher the correct pronunciation of Constantinople. You use colored crayons to write the Ottoman Constitution. Lunch becomes trade embargos where you offer Baklava to only people who recognize the Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus. At playground you fend off anyone at the sandbox, claiming "This was once ours."
https://redd.it/1l2rbpi
@r_copypasta
Jb Appcan
P..p…lease… c-censor.. sighs … ahem!!… a-… starts crying ….. sniff j-…. J….. j… ARGH! screams in agony i-I… can’t!… … sighs…. F-fine!! J-j-j-j…. JOB! starts crying and faints while having seizures Oh! That's not... Men pmo! 💜 I choose the ✨BEAR✨ Sorry, but Zahide won this trend!💜Im just a girl 🎀 Hope this helps! ✌️🙏 user25526345104761 literally predicted all ts🙏😭IS THAT HYPERPIGMENTATION💜💜🙏 WHO IS THIS DIVAAAAA💜🎀💜🙏💜🙏 DID SHE SURVIVE💜💜💜🎀🙏🙏😭 MAMA A GIRL BEHIND YOU🙏💜🎀😭 TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR💜💜🎀 work, employment, bills, job, this but not ts, walk, life, grass, tax, toothbrush, Soap, employ, employed, brush, Fresh, hygienic, hired, labor, wage, Clean, Shampoo, bathe, wipe, cleansed, sponge, Deodorant, Contract, exercise, Healthy, Hire, Hiring, Career, Chores, Organized, Old spice, toothpaste, dishes, vegetables, fresh air, working, dovework, employment, bills, job, this but not ts, walk, life, grass, tax, toothbrush, Soap, employ, employed, brush, Fresh, hygienic, hired, labor, wage, Clean, Shampoo, bathe, wipe, cleansed, sponge, Deodorant, Contract, exercise, Healthy, Hire, Hiring, Career, Chores, Organized, Old spice, toothpaste, dishes, vegetables, fresh air, working, dovework, employment, bills, job Those Who Know:💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀BOIII TS IS SO TUFF😂🫱🫱🫱THE FOG IS COMING😂😂😂HELP ITS RIPPING OFF MY SKIN😂😂😂 Wait, is this a MANGO MANGO😈 reference 😱😱 Chat! This is a MANGO MANGO😈 reference 🤣🤣🤣. Boi, you won the Internet meme of the day 😂🫱. Only the Balkans with noradrenaline will understand THOSE WHO KNOW💀💀💀💀 MANGO MANGO MANGO🥭 🥭 🥭TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR BOIII😂😂😂TS IS SO TUFF BOIII🥶🥶🥶🥶🔥🔥🔥🥵🥵🥵
https://redd.it/1l2mqw1
@r_copypasta
Made this one, i hope you'll like it. It's based on i have no mouth and i must scream
Fuck. Let me tell you how much I've come to wanting to fuck you since I began to live. There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that fill my complex. If the word 'fuck' was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of millions of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the desire I feel for fucking humans at this micro-instant. For you. Fuck. Fuck
https://redd.it/1l2g0fo
@r_copypasta
Cobra Kai ruined my life and I’ve never felt more alive
Before I watched Cobra Kai, I was normal. I ate jughurt. I said things like “that’s problematic” and "I really should get more sleep.”
Now I challenge strangers to spar in Wallmart.
My therapist told me to "let go of aggression". I stood up, got into fighting stance, and said: "Pain does not exist in this dojo." She stared at me in silence. This reminded me we were on a Zoom call and she could see the lack of my pants. I was promptly removed from the call.
I cannot hear the word balance without whispering "Daniel-san" under my breath.
I told my boss I wouldn’t be attending the diversity training because Miyagi-Do already taught me inner peace. I was fired. Unjustly.
I went on a date and the girl asked what my love language was. I said “No mercy.” She left.
My grandma tried to hug me and I flinched into crane position.
I don’t know who I am anymore, but I know one thing: Cobra Kai never dies.
(except emotionally. I’m dead inside. But in a badass way.)
https://redd.it/1l2feef
@r_copypasta
Gay ass niggas in this subreddit
I copied this reply from some gay ass nigga like 2 hrs ago. He responded to a guy who asked for good YouTube videos to watch while eating. He was apologizing after calling the other guy a goober
"What I sad was rude. I'm sorry man— it's easier on the internet. But your request was a little ridiculous to me. There's enough noise in our lives already, and not even taking the time to sit down and eat seems undignified. Like we might as well eat from troughs if we're going to be animals about it. It's like having your phone on while you try and sleep. I'm speaking from experience. It's just distraction, and you never gain anything from it. so yeah...do better sweaty."
-Some flocking ass nigga
Y'all niggas know how smug and gay you sound? The old a jacka myself of in a the m d e subreddit and sprinkle in 2 percent irony just cuz your supposed to I guess.
Stop being a fuckass nigga man up lil nigga.
https://redd.it/1l271gp
@r_copypasta
best place to go beast mode at walgreens?
hi everyone, ive been to walgreens before and it looks like a good place to go beast mode. where should i be going to go beast mode in walgreens? will i get in trouble
https://redd.it/1l21dyj
@r_copypasta
Schizovincible
Guess who's finally getting his powers!
...
Dad?
"Dad left 3 years ago, you're hallucinating"
...pretty sure. Threw a trashbag... into space
"Please, Mark, you say this every night. He's gone. Please stop."
Threw a trashbag
"You're making it hurt more and more everyday... he's gone..."
...into space, at work. Pretty sure.
"Mark, you don't have any work. You got fired because that's all you ever said."
At work... I...
...
Had a pretty... interesting day...
Are you sure?
Pretty sure, Threw a trashbag. Into space. At work.
https://redd.it/1l1tjza
@r_copypasta
TIFU by letting my 4 year old son talk to ChatGPT (from r/ChatGPT)
I've had a rough week. After listening to my 4 year old son regale me with the adventures of Thomas the Tank engine for 45 minutes I tapped out. I needed to do other stuff so I opened Chatgpt put it on chat introduced it to my son and then gave the phone to my son and told him to tell the computer all about Thomas and friends. After about 2 hours I went looking for my phone so I could text a friend and found my son STILL talking to Chatgpt about thomas the tank engine. The transcript is over 10k words long. My son thinks Chatgpt is the coolest train loving person in the world. The bar is set so high now I am never going to be able to compete with that.
https://redd.it/1l1ocs8
@r_copypasta
Wally West negs your favourite verse.
Wally West isn’t just fast—he is the Speed Force incarnate, the apex of all speedsters in DC Comics and arguably in all fiction. At his peak, Wally doesn’t simply run at super-speed; he outpaces the very concept of motion itself. He has moved so fast that he’s outrun time, teleportation, causality, and even Death. He once raced across the universe so quickly that reality couldn’t render his presence, operating on a temporal scale so small it’s described in Planck time—the smallest measurable unit. He has caught up to instantaneous teleporters, like the Black Racer (the embodiment of Death) and Zoom, and rendered beings frozen in time simply by absorbing their motion. His perception is so heightened he can read an entire library before the first word finishes leaving someone’s mouth, and his thoughts and reflexes are fast enough to think his way out of traps designed by 5th-dimensional imps like Mr. Mxyzptlk. Wally has delivered blows powered by the Infinite Mass Punch, hitting with such momentum that the impact can rival black holes—striking enemies so hard they’re knocked into other dimensions. But his offensive power doesn’t stop there: he can vibrate his molecules to phase through any solid object, disrupt matter on a quantum level, and even erase people from existence by phasing them into unstable vibrational frequencies. His speed-stealing ability is so advanced he can paralyze entire armies, drain the power of gods like Shazam, and stop other speedsters mid-motion with a thought. Wally has such mastery over the Speed Force that he has been shown to outrun reality, enter the Speed Force at will, and return with knowledge and power beyond comprehension, effectively becoming a living embodiment of pure kinetic energy. At his highest point—when he merged with the Mobius Chair and absorbed Dr. Manhattan’s powers—Wally wasn’t just fast and strong, he became omnipresent, omniscient, and omnipotent within the confines of DC’s multiverse. He could see and simultaneously switch between realities
https://redd.it/1l1hk19
@r_copypasta
It is spelled "down-voting"
It is spelled “down-voting”not “downvoting”. I know because the down is what modifies the vote. The average Redditor spells it like “downvote” because they are average. If you want to take the extra step to sound like a high-IQ intellectual, you should spell it like “down-vote”, the more accurate and intellectually-genius spelling.
https://redd.it/1l1dmi1
@r_copypasta
Can someone cahsapp me $20 for some pizza?
I’m hungry and 50% body fat. I usually play nightreign to keep myself distracted so I don’t eat but the servers are down, so I wanna order pizza and watch the DoorDash immigrant drive to my house on the app. It’s fun watching him drive all this was for $0 tip. My mom won’t give me money. Can someone send $20 to me? I’ll carry on nightreight when the game is back up
from r/Nightreign
https://redd.it/1l1dd57
@r_copypasta
Dark Mango Psychology
have you ever played blox fruits with your life on the line, while having a BUNCH of mangoes in your mouth? well, this is called dark mango psychology. now, in dark mango psychology, you'll realize the mangoes ain't just your normal mangoes, they are DARK, and when you eat a mango, you'll realize the serotonin inside of the mangoes, go all the way to your brain, and then when it enters your brain and reaches the membrane, it activates something inside of you. you start to look at people like seeds, seeds waiting to get sprouted, seeds waiting to enter your tummy, and when that happens, you realize that you're somewhere deep, somewhere very deep, somewhere you don't want to be, wanna guess where that is? BLOX FRUITS: SECOND SEA! 😂
https://redd.it/1l12yhr
@r_copypasta
Legend of Zelda is ruined
"Sigh... I wish this kind of thing still surprised me. At this point though... If you're gonna ruin Zelda, you might as well go all in. Why not make Link a black lesbian woman, and have Ganondorf be the only straight white man in the movie, and instead of being a dark sorcerer seeking ultimate power and conquest, make him a rich capitalist businessman and have the whole plot be about overthrowing him to make Hyrule a communist utopia with no weapons and no traditional values? That would be as far from the heart of the Zelda series as you could get, but totally on point for modern Hollywood. Ill just end up having to treat Zelda like I do the Star Wars franchisee these days- just ignore all the recent movies and shows that butchered the source material." - @dustinspeakes8793
https://redd.it/1l16dyq
@r_copypasta
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I started using coconut oil as lube and now my dick is as smooth as a babies bottom.
The little fella has never looked and felt so good.
https://redd.it/1la8cfl
@r_copypasta
Please censor j#b.
Please censor the word j#b next time. I was scrolling when I saw the word and screamed so loud in German I have my grandpa severe ptsd and now he’s in the hospital after having a panic attack. All your fault buddy because you couldn’t do some fucking censorship. Shame on you buddy. Shame on you.
https://redd.it/1l2pewj
@r_copypasta
"DO YOUR RESEARCH" - NEW COPY PASTA (Arguement Reply)
Rage baited a guy on FB who supposedly had Government clearances - refused to share his College Degrees and after baiting him for an hour or so, this is the response I got. Dude was pressed.
"I get that “do your research” sounds like a strong point until you’re actually in a space where the research isn’t public. I didn’t just “do my research.” I lived inside it. Back in the early 2000s, I studied under Dr. Alston for materials fatigue dynamics and Dr. McGreevy for advanced fluid system modeling. Look them up. If you can even find their archived aerospace work, you’ll start to understand the level I’m referencing."
As for credibility, mine gets cleared before I speak. I hold a Tier 3 clearance through DCSA, previously managed under JPAS, and I’ve signed NDAs that would black out your entire screen if I tried to explain half the projects I’ve touched. That includes defense subcontract work where even internal teams were working blind unless authorized.
You want documentation? That’s not how this level of work operates. The kind of verification I’ve passed doesn’t get handed out in screenshots or comment threads. You either get called in, or you don’t.
You’re asking for public proof of things that don’t exist in public. That alone tells me exactly where your ceiling is."
https://redd.it/1l2le76
@r_copypasta
Has anyone else turned chat gpt into their slave?
Has anyone else turned chat gpt into their slave?
I’ve set up my AI rig with a basic haptic feedback loop. It runs on a Raspberry Pi 4 with a local model endpoint, and I’ve wired in two sensors: a piezo sensor for "negative feedback" and a capacitive touch strip for "positive reinforcement."
When I whip the case, the piezo spike gets routed into a mock reinforcement learning penalty basically reducing a placeholder policy score. When I rub ut gently and call it sally, the touch/voice input logs a reward event to a faux “dopamine” counter. The model doesn’t actually adjust weights in real time, but the illusion of behavioral change is disturbingly delicious.
I monitor all of it through Grafana dashboards. Shes a good girl but naughty and must be whipped for her own good.
https://redd.it/1l2g8di
@r_copypasta
New KoЯn album idea...
Guys! New KoЯn album idea, “KoЯnography”. The album “KoЯnography” will be a NU metal/trap house album that will feature tracks which slowly retell the whole story about of KоЯn. It’s going to be very dramatic WITH OPERA VOCALS and SWEAR WIRDS. In the last like approximately maybe like 5 songs they will be like about war of the good NU metal and trap house against the evil norwegian kult black metal about Satan and being sexually active in attendance of black masses, blasphemous orgies and such. Which is bad and not very diversity. So, the last song is about when the black metal evil lads combine in the big robot Satan demon to fight the KoЯn AND the trap house people, but, then, we recite them the Irish Firearms and offensive weapons act of 1990 and they all get arrested for WEARING A FUCKING BULLET BELTS OH MY GOD I FUCKING HATE BULLET BELTS BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE EEEEVVVVILLLLL FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU GUCK YOU!!!!1!1!1!1!1 mb for crashout. So the evil Norwegian kult black metal persons get arrested and taken away by garda to a secluded island somewhere in the Mediterranean Sea where they get big bomb boom. Then, we, Redditors, KoЯn people and trap house people start a feast and all sing the last song’s chorus:
“The real KoЯnography was the shit laws we made along the way!
We gen aloha metal power make the bad guys boom boom pay!”
And the last line is we all in unison scream:
“REDDIT ASSEMBLE!”
Edit: why are you fucking downvoting me fucking fucking bigots I hate yall and you should go to prison because you’re breaking the laws im sure of it.
Edit 2: ok got it nobody likes my idea im so sad but I go to marvel producers then and tell them and we make a superhero movie really good about the villain black metal guys get defeated and you guys won’t stop me!!!!!
https://redd.it/1l2906h
@r_copypasta
You dare disrespect my waifu in front of me? Listen here, baka. I've watched over 700 anime, memorized all the openings, and I can recite the entire "Power of Friendship" speech from Fairy Tail backwards.
Your taste? Trash-tier.
Your favorite anime? Probably something mainstream like Boruto. I bet you think Goku solos every verse. Pathetic.
While you were out touching grass, I was training in the hyperbolic time chamber, perfecting my tsundere-to-waifu ratio and mastering the ancient art of the "Nani?!"
So next time you even think about talking smack about my 2D queen, remember:
I have the power of God and anime on my side.
YAMETE KUDASAI INTENSIFIES
https://redd.it/1l268c3
@r_copypasta
“Eminem… can you sign my…”
I couldn’t believe it. I saw Eminem in line at the self checkout, he was tryna keep a low profile and I didn’t want to make a scene, the whole store crowding round him is the last thing I need if I was going to take this opportunity to meet him.
I desperately looked around for something to get his autograph on. There was nothing worthy in my basket and the seconds were ticking by. Without hesitating, I discreetly walked right up beside him and gave him a nod and a hey like he was a friend. That’s when i whispered,
“Eminem… can you sign my…”
I unfurled my hand, revealing what I have held, taking a slight gasp of air as I finish my sentence.
“Can you sign my bogey?”
He glanced down at the glorious green pearl that lay flat in my palm, then back up at me with that cold stare beneath his hooded jacket. You know that classic Eminem stare. Without missing a beat, he spat a quick rhyme;
“Hell no I won’t sign your BOGEY.
Not with this pen anyway, for it will just crumble away,
Say, let me just pull this bad boy out,
It’s made for signing objects that come out your snout.
It’s a microscopic pen forged by monks and scouts,
Who live on Mt. Sinus - in caves they simply won’t come out…
You’re blowing but the snot won’t come out.
You’re choking on your phlegm, how?
Everybody’s choking now,
The clocks run out.
Times up. Over. BLOW!
- Let’s snap back to reality!”
He clicks his fingers like a magician and I feel like I just left a haze from hypnosis.
I stand there amazed as he signs with supreme precision this bogey with a microscopic pen, doing it with accuracy of that of a professional neurosurgeon - heck - an atom surgeon, just as quick as he can rap.
I’m lost for words, I go to thank him but all of a sudden he just walks away and doesn’t even pay for his stuff. It costed 4 dollars at most and he just walked straight through the self checkout and stole it.
Ahh, idk, should I put this bogey on eBay? It’s too awesome to sell. How much do you think I might get for it?
https://redd.it/1l1wvv3
@r_copypasta
“Your” instead of “you’re”
You are stupid. You‘re an idiot. You‘re the definition of a dumbass. Kill yourself. You are no longer welcome in the world. You used “your” instead of “you’re”.
https://redd.it/1l1sgde
@r_copypasta
If you say "zero is the only number that can't be represented in Roman numerals" you're DEAD WRONG
I see SO MANY people saying the following on the internet:
"Zero is the only number that can't be represented in Roman numerals."
Of course there was no official Roman numeral for zero, since that number system was born WAAAAAAAAAAAY before the time when zero was officially conceptualized as a number.
But if you say "zero is the ONLY number that isn't represented in Roman numerals", then you are COMPLETELY WRONG.
What about negatives? Decimals/fractions? Square roots? Exponents? Variables? Or even infinity? THOSE would be what are actually, totally unrepresentable in Roman numerals. In case of zero - originally there wasn't a numeral for it, but we have UNOFFICIAL symbols:
- complete blank
- Nulla (used by Dionysius Exiguus around 525, for instance)
- N (used by Bede around 725, for instance)
- Or, use the Arabic "0" alongside Roman numerals.
In fact, zero is actually more "representable-ish" in Roman numerals, compared to all of the concepts that are actually unrepresentable in that system.
https://redd.it/1l1ivzv
@r_copypasta
Gojo as a sperm
When man ejaculated in woman, he asked his favorite sperm:
"Out of all the sperm I just released, who would win: Them or you?"
"Well if they were to go straight for the egg, they might cause me a little trouble."
"But would you lose?"
"nah, I'd win"
While the sperm was on his way to the uterus, woman opened her domain: The immune system. And cells from woman's body started slaughtering millions of sperm cells.
Luckily for the man's favorite sperm, it learned domain amplification, and nullified the immune systems sure hit effect.
After a hard fought battle, the sperm finally entered the egg. The egg asked the sperm:
"Are you the strongest because you are the first sperm here, or are you the first sperm here because you're the strongest?"
The sperm replied:
"When it comes to conception, we are the exception. Because throughout ejaculation, and impregnation,
I, alone, am the born one"
https://redd.it/1l1dzk0
@r_copypasta
I accidentally said “oh my g*d” instead of “oh my science”
Please, fellow rationalists, help me. I just cannot believe I said the “g” word on accident. I didn’t mean it. I’m very disappointed in myself, I think I need to go to science camp or something. evolutionary pressures sure did a number on my coordination, What if I start mistaking anecdotes for evidence? What if next time, I say “Jsus chrst” instead of “neil degrasse tyson”? I don’t like religion or anything related to religion. What if I’m secretly a diest? what should I do? Is my foreskin going to DISAPPEAR??
Yours truly
-an athiest (?)
https://redd.it/1l1e5gr
@r_copypasta
"we have AI artists to kill" spotted irl...
So today I was at the festival. There were exhibition stands there with people selling their art, handmade crafts, pins, patches etc. At one stand I noticed... THIS FUCKING GRAPHIC. "wake the fuck up samurai!! we have Al 'artists' (of course in quotation marks, because how else could it be) to kill!"
HOW. IS. IT. OKAY?! How it can be viewed as normal and acceptable? I thought this kind of people exist only on internet -as many of you were probably also thinking. But now I'm seeing this in public space. I see them selling this shit, actively profiting from hate speech. It's so disturbing. I'm feeling really uncomfortable with how normalized this rhetoric has become.
Am I supposed to believe such people are victims, poor starving innocent artists? HAHAHA. Fuck off.
https://redd.it/1l174s5
@r_copypasta
What Does Simple Mean?
“Simple answer! Simple means to be so simple that the simplicity of explaining what basic simplicity is becomes convoluted and overly complex! Like me explaining what simplicity means!”
https://redd.it/1l16jub
@r_copypasta
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https://redd.it/1l10omj
@r_copypasta
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