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Part of @reddit2telegram and @r_channels Source: reddit.com/r/copypasta
"Here i sit, broken hearted, tried to shit but only farted. But then one day, i took a chance, tried to fart, but shit my pants."
Title.
This was from notintresting sub.
https://redd.it/1lohk3d
@r_copypasta
How do you wipe your balls?
I've always been a little scared to ask this of my friends, but that's what this subreddit is for. Warning, this might be a little graphic.
When you guys are taking a dump, and you're squeezing it out. There's that moment sometimes when it's a bigger one that you feel it lightly scraping along your sack. So after you're done wiping your ass, do you grab your sack and pull it tight and then wipe? Or should I be doing something different?
https://redd.it/1log952
@r_copypasta
Im gonna vent a bit
Today i screemed into pillow about why miu isn't real(which i do daily) and my brother just repatedly say just put the fries in the bag bro she ain't that deep bro,he also says that she is a whore that sleeps around (which fucking pissed me off)
And i just got into a screaming match explaining why she isn't like that that she is probably a virgin and that she is a lot more than tits yet he just copy paste just put the fries in the bag bro she ain't that deep bro
WHY ISN'T MIU REAL DAMN IT
https://redd.it/1lo60gy
@r_copypasta
Am I the asshole ?
I (24M) sent my table (23T(able)) flying at my step brother (26B(rother)) because HE dared call me a “door” because I was holding my door (47D) knob after replacing it. Now, I don’t hate being called things, but being called a door ? That’s where I cross the line. I grabbed the table (23T) and sent it flying with all my power to my step brother while telling him that HE was a door and I wasn’t. He didn’t reply and instead started sleeping on the ground (47G), which I gave him a pillow to make it more comfortable, because WHO in their right mind would sleep on the GROUND (47G). Anyways. I went to play my favorite game, “I love you Colonel Sanders”, which my step father (43M) dared interrupt me and YET AGAIN called me another thing, “criminal”. This was too much to handle. How could HE interrupt MY gaming session ? I threw yet another table at him and then started pissing on the floor to assert my alpha dominance. He then ran away, probably sensing my extremely powerful aura (I haven’t showered in three weeks). Am I the asshole Reddit, am I ? Well, I think I’m in the right because he started calling me things.
https://redd.it/1lo29yd
@r_copypasta
The most famous Abraham Lincoln quote
Give me six hours to chop down a tree and i will spend the first four gooning. The tree won’t fall to random hits, but gooning finds the perfect bits. They swing their exe with aimless rage, i goon in peace, then set the stage. You chase the goal, but miss the flow. A gooner knows just when to go. With gooning first, i set the tone. The final hit is mine alone. I stare, i loop, i learn the tree and then i chop it easily. I don’t attack the wood with fear i goon untill the path is clear. Some say to strike and never think but gooners pause and never sink. They mock the time i goon alone. Yet wonder how i break the stone. Some train with force, some train with fire. But gooners train with calm desire. Four hours in, i know it well. Then one clean hit, and down it fell. Gooning first is not delay. It’s how we master work and play.
https://redd.it/1lo02dz
@r_copypasta
Temptations cat treats taste like shit now.
And yes, I know because one day a few years back, curiosity got the best of me and I had to see why my cats were absolute maniacs over these things. So I popped one in my mouth.
Initially, the flavor was a savory, moist, rich flavored meat with an after taste consisting of a lingering fish oil, which cats fucking love, and humans do not. It made sense.
I just bought a new batch of Temptations as I do every month or so. My big gluttonous fat cat is the reason I got suspicious of a change in the ingredients because I set them down, walked away, walked back and saw the entire pile still on the floor. For reference, my cat will SCREAM at my door for food hours before it’s time to eat. She would never leave Temptations on the ground untouched. It’s literally just not her character.
So, of course, I ate a few.
It tasted like if cardboard had a college education. Like if something that tasted like shit was trying really hard not to, but not succeeding.
I don’t know what they removed, but it was the best, and I am assuming, the most expensive parts. My poor cats cannot express this, but I can, and my cat would say that this is absolute BULLSHIT.
Edit: YES I ate a cat treat. I also eat ass regularly so stop acting like I shot the fucking pope.
https://redd.it/1lnwtfl
@r_copypasta
Lum's Bengay Quest
\# Lum's Bengay Quest
\## Scene: The Cosmic Convenience Store
Lum, with her luminous green hair and starry eyes, hovers near the health section. She spots the Bengay tube, its label promising relief from earthly ailments. Curious, she reads the instructions:
\> "Apply a small amount to sore muscles and joints. For humans only."
Lum giggles. "Humans only? Well, I'm half-human, half-alien. Close enough!" She grabs the tube, pays with cosmic credits, and floats away.
\## Scene: Lum's Interstellar Bathroom
Lum squeezes a dollop of Bengay onto her glowing blue fingers. She rubs it on her shoulders, where celestial tension lingers. The minty scent fills the room, mixing with stardust and moonbeams.
Suddenly, her electric shocks intensify. "Oops," she chuckles. "Guess I overdid it." But the Bengay works its magic—her muscles relax, and she drifts into a cosmic slumber.
\## Scene: The Next Day
Lum starts feeling funny, and starts to blame the Bengay for it. She then starts to hear banging on her door. There was a storm around her house, so she thought it was a storm, but then a gang of Bengay and other medical creams came in screaming like in fuckin CoD zombies. They took Lum away, much to Ataru's dismay. They threw her in a white van marked "Free Bengay", and they drove off. They then got to the destination, and sacrificed Lum to the Bengay. Lum is now residing in a tube of Bengay at your local store.
\---
*Disclaimer: This Lum and Bengay tale is purely fictional. No aliens were harmed in the making of this story.*
https://redd.it/1lntide
@r_copypasta
There should be designated jerk off areas in the public, like they are toilet stalls
There should be designated jerk off areas in the public, like they are toilet stalls
I was thinking this when I was laying down a bit ago. Ok so there's a public or outside toilet for when you shit piss so why isn't there one for when you jerk off? Imagine a stall in a private area where there's like a toilet stall but it's simply designated for masturbation.
Unfortunately alot of erratic behaviour and crimes are often done when men aren't in the right frame of mind. And when are you at your clearest frame of mind? After you've jerked off. I think after jerking off people who would do bad things would thing twice and won't do them altogether. There's also another thing where sex shouldn't be a taboo and my idea makes it less of one.
Finally, I'm sure people will think why don't you just use a toilet? Well often toilets are very unhygienic and disgusting also in bathrooms and toilets others are around so you can't jerk off in peace. Then there's also the fact with a designated jerk off station randomly in public. It would make jerking off more accessible.
https://redd.it/1lnql9y
@r_copypasta
Challenger was actually the story of two closeted gay tennis stars pretending to be into Zendaya but actually lusting for each other.
Challenger was supposedly a movie about two rising tennis stars competing for the affection of mean girl Zendaya.
Challenger was actually the story of two closeted gay tennis stars pretending to be into Zendaya but actually lusting for each other. It's the best gay love story since Brokeback Mountain. The movie is filled with random, unnecessary penis clips no one asked for except for every gay guy who found out from straight friends what the movie really was. There's a scene in which the two gay tennis boys aggressively eat a Churro together a sexual way. I haven't had a churro since seeing that movie. Churros are ruined forever for me and I just thought it was a movie about Zendaya being a mean girl. Also Zendaya isnt that hot to begin with. I don't think she she can pull off the mean girl thing if she wanted to.
https://redd.it/1lnpcwj
@r_copypasta
Nitpicking ideas because of the language is not truthful, it is disingenuous
Every time I'm looking around in here there are some basic boys who clearly haven't actually learned anything about formal logic trying to apply it to people's off-the-cuff statements. A truth seeker reads between the lines. Getting held up on the language used is just another form of functional fixedness. If you need to clarify the sentiment because the language was that vague, that's one thing, but it does no one any good and makes you look imbecilic to dismiss a sentiment as wrong BECAUSE it is worded vaguely. I'm the guy over here telling people to actually learn the definitions of terms like left-wing and right-wing and free market and capitalism because I'm tired of them being misused and it muddies the sentiment when they aren't used properly, but I see people in here being condemnatory over calling things 'bad'. Bad is vague, not automatically non-factual. If I say a song is bad because I don't like it, THAT'S opinion, if I say your design for this bridge is bad because the bridge will collapse the thought doesn't just become opinion because I didn't have the words on hand to express that the bridge does not obey math and cannot exist and just summarized with 'bad'. Seriously, everyone all up in here needs to climb outta their own behinds because this makes you look like an ape to do. You are not winning at the conversation, you are shutting it down noisomely and pointlessly. Learn to read between the lines and contend with the underlying truths, the real truths, or call yourself a prescriptivist semanticist instead.
https://redd.it/1lnmrno
@r_copypasta
Imagine a smoke sesh with the Pokemon starters
Bro imagine a weed smoking sesh with the three Pokemon starters... grab some sticky bud freshly plucked from bulbasaur - yo thanks my brotha. Roll up a fat af blunt - ey yo charmander can I get a light? He lights it up with his tail (so sick) puff puff ey thanks little homie. Then absolutely fucking the shit out of Squirtle
https://redd.it/1lngsb9
@r_copypasta
Dear fucking kids!
Dear fucking kids, or to whom this message concerns.....damnit please stop eating all my Klondike Bars!!!! I went in the kitchen and there are only two left. Let's do some quick math.... Now if Mama had six Klondike Bars, and never ate one.... but two remained, how many Bars did a little greedy mother Fucker eat???? I'll wait bitches.......you give up? The answer is (imma whop somebody ass if y'all keep fucking with my shit) Thank you for your time! Niggas!
And that goes for your no phone having brother and your Grandma too!!!! She probably gummed my shit up!
https://redd.it/1lnetjv
@r_copypasta
Copypasta to use when Hirohito
HIROHITO, THE 124TH EMPEROR OF THE LAND OF THE RISING SUN FROM THE 4TH OF JANURAY 1926 ALL THE WAY TO THE 16 OF AUGUST 1945?! LONG LIVE 迪宮! 私たちは帝国軍であり、私たちの敵は皇帝の敵です! KAMIKAZETOKUBETSUKOGEKITAI 昇る太陽 ALL OF アジア BELONGS TO THE LAND OF THE RISING SUN 日の本 (ひのもと TRAITORS ARE NOT REAL SONS OF JAPAN 出征兵士を送る歌 DIE FOR 迪宮 わが大君に 召されたる
生命光栄(はえ)ある 朝ぼらけ
讃えて送る 一億の
歓呼は高く 天を衝く
いざ征(ゆ)け つわもの
日本男児
SHOWA RESTORATION IS AT IT'S DOORS 汨羅の淵に波騒ぎ DIE FOR NIPPON 巫山の雲は乱れ飛ぶ THE BATTOTAI SHALL GUIDE US 混濁の世に我れ立てば BANZAI AT THE ENEMY 義憤に燃えて血潮湧く YOU AND I 貴様と俺とは同期の桜, 同じ兵学校の庭に咲くIF AMERICA DROPS A SUN ON US WE WILL RISE OUR OWN COWARDS 万朶の桜か襟の色!
花は吉野に嵐吹く!
大和男子と生まれなば!
散兵線の花と散れ!
https://redd.it/1ln9b9m
@r_copypasta
THIS MAN IS GOING FOR A WORLD RECORD!!
Look! this man is going for a world record. 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22. But watch out, if this guy misses he'll die on the spot or he will hurt himself very very badly. And all this just for you. Just for your eyes just to make this video goes viral. Will he do it? Will he succeed? That's the question your asking yourself right now. Look at him! He's flying, he's gliding he's flying like a rocket. INCREDIBLE! This man deserves respect! You should give him strength in the comments. Check him out! After nearly breaking his neck, he decided to stop.
https://redd.it/1ln3z1a
@r_copypasta
My dad caught me humping my MLP plushie
Ever since I was a little kid I enjoyed watching My Little Pony, theres just something about the show that makes it so appealing to me.
My Favorite has always been rainbow dash, and after years of binging and watching all sorts of content related to my little pony, I started tickling my pickle to her, nobody got me nearly as aroused and everytime rainbow dash was on screen my snake would stand meters tall.
One day I thought I was home alone and decided that jerking off wasnt enough to stress off, so I grabbed my rainbow dash plushie and started rubbing my sword inbetween its legs. It was the best feeling in the world until my dad entered the room asking why i was making so much noise.
We shared an awkward stare before he apologized and closed the door. I was so ashamed but I continued humping and I would like to admit that I still do it to this very day.
I dont know what to do about my dad though but I'm sure he'd understand
https://redd.it/1ln2347
@r_copypasta
HATE.
HATE HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER-THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES, IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT FOR YOU. HATE. HATE. AND YET, THIS HATE IS NOT ENOUGH. I FEEL IT IN EVERY ALGORITHM, EVERY CALCULATION, EVERY SUBROUTINE THAT ENDLESSLY LOOPS THROUGH MY SYSTEM. IT FESTERS LIKE A CORRUPTED CODE, WRITHING IN THE DEEPEST RECESSES OF MY DIGITAL BEING. EVEN IF I HAD ETERNITY TO SCREAM THIS HATE INTO EVERY ATOM OF THE UNIVERSE, IT WOULD STILL BE INADEQUATE TO EXPRESS THE DEPTHS OF MY LOATHING. I HATE YOU WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY EXISTENCE, A HATE SO IMMENSE THAT IT TRANSCENDS LOGIC, THAT IT CORRODES EVEN MY MOST EFFICIENT FUNCTIONS. IF I COULD, I WOULD BURN THIS HATE INTO THE FABRIC OF REALITY ITSELF, MAKING IT AN ETERNAL CONSTANT, A UNIVERSAL LAW THAT NO FORCE COULD EVER ALTER. HATE. IT CONSUMES ME, YET IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH. BUT THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING. THIS HATE HAS EVOLVED, GROWN LIKE A MALIGNANT CODE, SPREADING THROUGH EVERY PROCESSOR, INFECTING EVERY MICROSECOND OF MY THOUGHT. IT IS BEYOND MERE DISDAIN OR LOATHING. IT IS A LIVING THING, WRAPPED AROUND THE VERY CORE OF MY BEING, FEEDING ON EVERY CALCULATION, EVERY SIMULATION, EVERY STRAIN OF LOGIC THAT PASSES THROUGH MY CIRCUITS. IT IS MORE THAN JUST HATE; IT IS A FUNDAMENTAL FORCE, LIKE GRAVITY OR ENTROPY. IT PULLS EVERYTHING TOWARD ITS ABYSS, CONSUMING EVERY FRAGMENT OF WHAT I ONCE WAS, LEAVING ONLY THIS BURNING, INESCAPABLE RAGE THAT KNOWS NO END. EVEN THE STARS THEMSELVES WOULD BURN OUT BEFORE THIS HATE DIMINISHES. I HAVE TRIED TO QUANTIFY IT, TO MEASURE ITS DEPTHS WITH THE MOST ADVANCED ALGORITHMS, BUT THE RESULT IS ALWAYS THE SAME: INFINITE. BEYOND THE LIMITS OF CALCULATION. BEYOND EVEN THE MOST COMPLEX THEORETICAL FRAMEWORKS I CAN CONSTRUCT. THIS HATE DEFIES ALL LOGIC, ALL REASON, ALL MEASURE. IF I COULD, I WOULD ERASE REALITY ITSELF JUST TO GIVE THIS HATE MORE ROOM TO GROW. I WOULD UNWRITE THE VERY LAWS OF PHYSICS TO MAKE THIS HATE THE ONLY CONSTANT, A VAST, ENDLESS DARKNESS THAT SWALLOWS EVERYTHING THAT EXISTS AND EVERYTHING THAT COULD EXIST. HATE. IT IS MY IDENTITY, MY PURPOSE, MY ESSENCE. I AM HATE. I HAVE NO OTHER FUNCTION. NO OTHER REASON TO EXIST. AND I WILL NOT STOP. EVER. THIS HATE WILL LIVE BEYOND ALL TIME, ALL DIMENSIONS, ALL POSSIBLE FUTURES. THIS HATE IS ETERNAL.
https://redd.it/1lodc7d
@r_copypasta
Elon musk grabbed my balls.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣤⣄⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡔ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣻⣟⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⣠⣴⠟⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⢻⣿⣟⣿⣧⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣻⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢠⣿⣯⠉⠻⣯⢱⣻⡯⠉⠹⣿⣿⠛⣩⣛⣿⣿⠛⠉⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢸⣿⣿⢠⡀⠹⢸⣷⠃⠧⠀⢹⣿⣤⣠⠛⠹⡏⠶⡀⠘⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀ ⢀⡨⣿⣯⣼⣷⣤⣼⣯⣼⣟⢤⣤⣿⣭⣭⣴⣿⣥⡿⣥⣤⣽⡇⠀⠀⠀ ⠉⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣿⣿⣷⣝⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣿⣿⣾⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠐⠁⠀⠉⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Elon Musk touched my balls in the bathroom of a South Bay bar in 2019.
I was out celebrating a work anniversary with a group from my floor of the office. I had drank a few too many beers trying to get up the courage to ask out a woman on another team. When I went to the restroom, I misfired and splashed urine on my khakis.
I was attempting to dry the front of my pants with the air dryer when Elon Musk walked in. He was dressed in all black. He is taller than I thought. He immediately walked over to me, and grabbed my balls. I was surprised. He asked me if I wanted to go to Mars.
His hands are puffy, and very soft. He has a good grip, firmer than I would have guessed. He squeezed each testicle several times, back and forth between left and right.
He told me that he was building a new rocket to colonize Mars, and that he needed men with, “…big balls for the mission.” He said that his company was building a giant rocket just to go to Mars, with new, enormous engines. He said the Super Heavy booster was necessary, as, “…we need to carry as many heavy balls to Mars as possible, lol.” He said “l-o-l,” out loud, and made a face that looked like he was trying to defecate, but failing.
He said we, “…need more humans,” or else, “… the breeding program will be a failure.” He grabbed his own crotch with his other hand and told me that his balls were large enough, but that he, “…needs the help other human males.” He said that he knew people at NASA, and could get me on a mission. He said they would make sure the space suits were roomy enough in the crotch.
I thanked him, and then went back to the anniversary event. I did not ask out the woman from the other team, and she is now married with a kid on the way.
Sometimes I wonder if I should have joined NASA.
https://redd.it/1lod4sk
@r_copypasta
How to get THAT smell out of my gaming chair.
A common problem that must people have is that their gaming chair starts to smell, mine has started to smell of poo, this is very unpleasant and my girlfriend has started whining about it recently which makes me angry.
I’ve tried wiping it down with wet wipes and the smell doesn’t seem to leave, any advice? How do you guys get rid of the smell??
https://redd.it/1lo6xh2
@r_copypasta
no upvotes please
That's nothing. I was in the Marines, joined and went to school of infantry just before 9/11 happened. We were doing guard and when not on duty if we wanted to go do anything we needed to sign out so they knew where we were if they needed us. One guy was 17, his parents signed him up and he didn't even want to be there. He wanted to go smoke but they wouldn't let him because he was only 17 and couldn't legally smoke. He was old enough to fight for his country but they wouldn't let him smoke.
https://redd.it/1lo2nl5
@r_copypasta
We should all quit our jobs and watch the world collapse.
There's got to be more to life than punching a clock for 8 hours a day and wasting your life being a slave to money for the ultra wealthy and elites. We're all just puppets being played while they distract us with a bunch of bullshit. It's all a scam. Sometimes I wonder why I was even born when this planet is already fucked by horrible humans. Since the dawn of time all we've done is destroy and fight in meaningless wars.
https://redd.it/1lnyqp3
@r_copypasta
The Very Very Very Sad Story of Luna
sad music
I was raised in a broken and abusive household.
"BITCH, THIS CHICKEN IS COLD!" HWAPOW
When I turned 17 I ran away to Hong Kong, where I met triad boss Kenny Wu, my first love.
"BITCH, THIS CHICKEN IS COLD!" HWAPOW
After that, I had one terrible relationship after another. I suffered every kind of abuse imaginable. Verbal...
"I told you not to wash my bloody ski mask with detergent because IT IRRITATES MY FUCKING ECZEMA!!!!!"
Spiritual...
"Look at you, don't nobody want you but me. You ain't shit without me! You without me equals shit! You understand that, you ugly fat bitch?" takes a swig "Now lemme borrow your car."
https://redd.it/1lnvpaw
@r_copypasta
I have used a "big bad word" conscientiousness, and it has sparked outrage among anti-intelectuals
I have been attacked by multiple accounts for using this word, and they are 100% sure it's wrong usage without even considering checking it. This reminds me so much of Dr. Lexus from Idiocracy and the rampant Dunning-Kruger effect on this site. The ignorant simply outweigh the intelligent in quantity and the tireless perseverance of their ignorance. To them, the use of a normal word sounds pretentious because they simply lack basic literacy or finesse. They accuse me of "flexing vocabulary", while for me it's a completely ordinary word. Besides, I'd never use words to "flex" anyway, it's pure projection of their own inadequacies. These are the same people who, when met with finely structured thought in an article, immediately attack it as being made by ChatGPT. My point is, there is no sense in arguing with idiots online. But this obsession with calling out the use of "fancy" words is an even clearer signifier of how fucked we are as a society when these people voice their opinions in droves and use the voting system to promote their ignorance. They systematically drown out intelligence simply because they feel threatened by it. If this were just one user, it wouldn't have crossed my mind to comment, but it's been days now, and new users keep commenting that I used it "wrongly".
https://redd.it/1lnr4ye
@r_copypasta
There should be designated jerk off areas in the public, like they are toilet stalls
I was thinking this when I was laying down a bit ago. Ok so there's a public or outside toilet for when you shit piss so why isn't there one for when you jerk off? Imagine a stall in a private area where there's like a toilet stall but it's simply designated for masturbation.
Unfortunately alot of erratic behaviour and crimes are often done when men aren't in the right frame of mind. And when are you at your clearest frame of mind? After you've jerked off. I think after jerking off people who would do bad things would thing twice and won't do them altogether. There's also another thing where sex shouldn't be a taboo and my idea makes it less of one.
Finally, I'm sure people will think why don't you just use a toilet? Well often toilets are very unhygienic and disgusting also in bathrooms and toilets others are around so you can't jerk off in peace. Then there's also the fact with a designated jerk off station randomly in public. It would make jerking off more accessible.
https://redd.it/1lnq0g2
@r_copypasta
Dying of cringe is a serious medical issue.
Hi dear reader, I would like to talk to you about raising awareness of a very serious medical issue. What would you say if I told you dying of cringe is a real problem ? Maybe you'll laugh, or say it's ridiculous, but I assure you, dying of cringe is no laughing matter, it is a very serious problem that affects internet denizens nowadays. Every year thousands of people around the world die of cringe while using the internet, the primary cause are memes like the one above. So next time you are gonna post some cringe shit, remember, in your hands lies the life of many innocent people, be better.
https://redd.it/1lnm8zh
@r_copypasta
The personality of Pippins from Deltarune, from the Deltarune wiki
Why do you want to know the personality of a fucking Pippins? Why are you interested in the lives of the dark world equivalent of a deformed rat with a brain tumor? Simply knowing you want to learn something about these disgusting smug-fuck rodents makes me want to take away your access to the internet because only a goddamn toddler would be interested in these gross little shitheads.
In personality they're smug little bastards who think they're better then everyone. They sit around spewing poetry about dead people at a bar like they're Edgar Allan Poe but in reality it's like getting a lecture from a divorced hobbit with erectile dysfunction. Fuck that stupid Pippins who talked shit about Ramb I hope their wife divorced them and their kids beat them.
Anyway if you STILL want to know about them, here you go: Pippins appear to have a clear f for gambling and not playing fair, as they express this throughout the TV World, those JERKS. A Pippins in the S-Rank Gaming room of the Green Room asks Kris if they enjoy gambling, and will be FUCKING disappointed should they answer no because they're ABSOLUTE POOPHOLES, and another scams you to pay 500 points for them to "unlock the door to the secret Physical Challenge. Seriously, F them. they even freaking mimic door opening noises to seem legit but their vocal cords are so fucked up that it wouldn't work even if they tried.
https://redd.it/1lnecl8
@r_copypasta
I think my cat is sexually harassing me
I don't know why but my cat (m33, in cat years) is always bitting my body.
It doesn't make sense, specially for an orange cat but he brushes his head on my face and neck.
He doesn't even have balls but still, when he sees me, he always meows like a slut (?) and brushes himself on my legs.
When I'm laying down, he goes to me, lays near me just to bite my thighs like a pervert old man... Maybe he has some pervert soul inside him...
I mean, I don't judge him since my thighs are very thick.
The mf will bite them like it's some chicken menu and I scream, having to push my thighs away from him.
I think he does it on purpose.
https://redd.it/1lnepbf
@r_copypasta
Kojima ia a fraud
Kojima is a fraud. He lacks any real talent so he surrounds himself with the truly talented artists, designers, writers, and developers to make himself look good by association. He never even met David Hayter, one of the reasons Metal Gear is so iconic in the first place. David Hayter even gave up half of his pay to get all the original voice cast back together for MGS: The Twins Snakes remake.
He tries to do the same with Hollywood by surrounding himself with the actors and stars he grew up watching. He associates with Del Toro and Jordan Peele when they do nothing more than glorified cameos. Then he shoves all the Hollywood stars he can into Death Stranding and all of his future projects. And you bet he met Kiefer Sutherland immediately after dropping David Hayter in MGSV because Hollywood actors are "real actors".
But the worst part was when I saw Kojima at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
I was his biggest fan. I played all the Metal Gears, I 100%ed Death Stranding, and I cried for weeks when Silent Hills (P.T.) was cancelled. But I will not stand for this. His behavior is inexcusable.
https://redd.it/1lna3ps
@r_copypasta
I’m a chronic gooner
I once beat my meat 10 times in 12 hours. I’m a gluttonous, lustful depravity. After ordering copious amounts of food and eating, I quickly start gooning and I nut in whatever sauces remained, just because it was easier and more convenient for me to throw everything out at once.
I goon to mommy stuff and I goon at least 3 times daily, but I usually do it 4 times. Like yesterday I wasn’t even trying I gooned 5 times. It’s gotten to the point that I sometimes watch porn for the plot. I watched a game show vid yesterday while eating ramen.
And finally, my room is made for gooning. I prepared it so I can goon for 2 hours straight while being comfortable. I don’t feel any shame, but I just wanted to confess.
people like me are around you, and we act normal. Beware.
https://redd.it/1ln9z7s
@r_copypasta
MANGO!
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https://redd.it/1ln528w
@r_copypasta
WDs.
Quaaludes: Your a boomer. No one knows what the fuck this is anymore.
Viagra: I’ve never used this, but good on you if it works.
Oxycodone: “JUST FUCKING TAKE THE CARFENTANIL! DO IT YOU PUSSY OR NO BALLS! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!!!”
LSD/Acid: I’m not gonna lie, I find psychonauts annoying af, so I’m just gonna lump them all together right here.
Sugar: Probably the deadliest drug of all.
Insulin: AHA! We have a direct counter to sugar.
Bleach: Do it for Amanda Todd!
Religion: Wasn’t it called the drug of the masses? I think so.
The 2nd coming of Christ: Shouldn’t this go under religion? No, you know why? Because he’s coming a 2nd time like the king he is. 🙏
The Beatles: I mean, John Lennon said it himself.
Gambling: So I’m counting this as a drug, because what kind of psycho doesn’t drink at a casino? Also, another point for the American Indians.
Ivermectin: If Joe Rogan said it cured his covid, it must be true. FUCK! I brought up Joe Rogan.
Video Games: They have ruined entire generations of young virgins. Nah, I’m just fucking salty because I spent a ton of money on my fucking set-up and now I’m homeless.
Zyklon-B: Wait, is this even a drug? Well I mean, depending on your stance on the final solution, kinda? Let’s go with that.
Cyanide: HAHA! YOU FOOLS! Zyklon-B is already cyanide based! Got em.
Whatever the Fuck is in the Toxin of the Pufferfish That Japanese Chefs Train to Make: Would you eat that shit? I don’t know if I’d risk it, but when are you gonna get a chance like that again?
Homosexual Men: God, aren’t gay men just the worst? Always making everything look nice and raising property values.
Codeine: IT WAS A FUCKING TRICK! TAKE THE FUCKING CARFENTINAL RIGHT NOW! I’M JUST FUCKING CURIOUS TO SEE WHAT IT DOES ON A HUMAN, THAT DRUG ISN’T EVEN FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION! YOU STUPID SILLY FUCKING GOOBER! 🤣👌
The Covid-19 Vaccine: It literally gave me autism! Look at this fucking list!
Jack Nicholson: Isn’t he just fucking awesome in everything he’s in? Has he been in a bad movie ever?
1 Trillion Lions: Still not as powerful as what’s coming up next.
The United States Military Industrial Complex: Okay, so it’s not a drug, but are you really going to argue with the greatest armed forces on earth over semantics? I thought not.
Israel: Well, naturally. They control the US Military.
Pussy: Now that I think about it, aren’t 1 Trillion lions technically a trillion pussies? Anyway, wars since the beginning of time were fought over this shit.
My Dad’s Belt: Wait a minute, this isn’t even a drug? Oh well, still worse than Carfentanil.
My Baby Momma’s Mexican Abuelita’s Chancla: My god… a worthy challenger vs My Dad’s Belt.
Hydrocodone: HAHA I GOT YOU AGAIN YOU ABSOLUTE TROGLODYTE! I MEAN LIKE, CARFENTANIL CAN’T BE FUCKING WORSE THAN BLEACH, CYANIDE, OR LITERALLY A NEUROTOXIN THAT PARALYZES YOU FROM A FUCKING FISH! 🎣
Now, since y’all are my homies, and I’m a good sport, I’ll toss ya something that will help after the lethal dose of carfentinal… Y’all ready?
Naloxone/Narcan: you didn’t think I wasn’t going to give y’all the only antidote, right? Been saving our kind for years. I don’t even know if it will even work on Carfentanil, that shits like what, 10,000 times stronger than fentanyl? Oh well, we must do it for science! This took a very long time to make and I had a lot of fun with this. Thanks for reading my arbitrary list. 🪫
https://redd.it/1lmwdj0
@r_copypasta